Sunday, 31 December 2006

Went Black Water Rafting

Dec 31, 2006 at 3:58 PM

OMG I did it everyone!! I did it!!!

I went black water rafting!!! in an inner tube soooo cool!
A couple of years ago hubby asked me if I wanted to do it and I said NO very fast as there was NO WAY IN HELL I wanted to go into a dark cave and go down on a tyre he he he he but on the 30th December 2006 I did it..

Can you tell that I am excited because I feel so exhilerated and happy that I conquered another thing in 2006.

Hubby said I just wanted to make it 8 things I achieved in 2006 and so it was an even number cheeky bugger.
We got up early (only because all night I couldn't sleep dreading the black water rafting) and met at hubby's mums house to get everyone packed in our car. There were 7 of us in all ranging from 60 years old down to 35 years old he he he and we met hubby's brother and sister in law at the Waitomo Caves Caveworld and went through the museum first looking at all the rock formations and weta's (ewww) and the history of the caves etc it was really interesting.
Photos will be coming as we asked for our photos to be put on disk and paid money for it and when we got home the lady had put the wrong peoples photos on our disk grrrr so we phoned and she is sending another one out.
I have got these photos of beforehand and after but not of the trip and the ones of us in the wetsuits are sooo funny. My mother in law holding up her 60th Birthday present from the family of a number plate. Next to her is Annabelle being stupid so I thought I would show you the photo. Plus me with a smile on my face and my favourite drink after the Black Water Rafting... there wil be more later. I haven't laughed so much as I have doing the rafting. We went down to this place in the picture below and got our wetsuits given to us and we got into the them.

The women in one room and the men in the other and it was soooo funny putting them on. I did mine with ease as I used plastic bags on my feet to get them in as they slip much better but no one else wanted to try and had a hard time getting them on. Annabelle and I were helping my MIL to get hers on and we laughed so much that the people outside we laughing at us laughing... I had sore sides for the wet suit being tight on me and from laughing... it was a hoot.

We got a photo taken of us outside the changing rooms before taking off and I REALLY felt like a Beach Whale as all the rolls were showing he he he. I couldn't stop laughing (I think it was a nervous thing). The first guide had a wonderful smile and warm heart he was great. We got in the van and headed towards the caves and up and around on a gravel road scaring the living daylights out of me and when we hopped out there was a huge man (I mean he was really big and bigger than me) and he greeted us and he was the other guide... OMG I was sooo happy you wouldn't believe to see him as I didn't feel so bad after all after that and he stayed with hubby and I and hubby's mum the whole time and made us feel so good as he had a way about him that reassured.

I am scared of heights so the steps and then rocks that we had to climb to get down were scaring me as I had boots on that were twice the size of my feet and couldn't get a good grip but the big guide had hold of my wet suit so I wouldn't fall. We got in to the mud and water and saw glow worms and it was sooo peaceful.

We went into like a cathedral where we turned off the lights on our helmets and sat on the edges and all just looked up in awe at the glow worms and how peaceful it was and then the big guide asked if there were any questions and one of us asked how in the olden days they managed to see and he said "well I will show you" and then in the pitch black we heard a bang (I SWEAR that if we had heart problems we would have been dead) as the big guy had taken the inner tube and slammed it on the water and it sounded like the roof was coming down it was the scariest thing I have encountered but then I laughed my head off when I realised it was only him and then we all looked up and the room had lit up with glow worms that had been lit before... apparently it is like a defence mechanisim wow it was glorious.

Then we head down and went to the water fall where we had to turn our backs on the water fall and have the inner tubes on our backsides and fall backwards down to the bottom OMG did they not realise that I was a wuss??? how was I going to cope with this but then this lady freaked out!!! I MEAN FREAKED OUT and then I realised I could do this and it wasn't that big of a deal and I had to just do it and so I spoke to her and said I am scared too but we can do this and the big guy was sooo calming and held her and said to her "look at me you can do this and keep looking at my face" and he calmed her down.

Wow falling backwards was scary and my tummy was churning but I did it and couldn't believe that I could do it.

After that we were all hooked up like trains where we were in our inner tubes and our feet out front with the person in front holding our feet and had to turn off our head lamps and were guided through like a snake like river and we looked up and watched the beautiful glow worms as we travelled down the river.
When we got through that there was the part that I was dreading and it was the slide it was just big enough to fit my backside and it was about as long as a two storey house and straight down and I was shaking so much and so scared to let go because as you know I am scared of heights... but I did it!! It took me a while to let go at the top but when I did and got to the bottome the big guide gave me a hug down the bottom and said see you could do it and now it is all over with you should be proud. That was nice and the experience was a great one because of the guides as they made us feel like we had every right to feel the way we were feeling but they were going to help us get over the fear.

To get out there was 105 steps OMG with a wet wetsuit and water in our gum boots it was hard as but it was beautiful.

This is a photo of the Water slide and then the steps going out and then in the cave.

So as I said before I will upload the photos of us when we get them this week.
Celtic Girl thanks for the comment but I don't think there is a fear that I will be doing any bungy jumping as that is something THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN he he he
Anyway everyone have a Happy New Year and I can't wait for us all to lose more weight in the New Year and for us all to keep blogging and making our friendships stronger.
Love ya all
CM

Comments

Hippygal wrote:
Dec 31, 2006 at 6:45 PM
[this is good]Am so pleased for you - glad you enjoyed it, I am so jealous........ Have a great New Year :)

Celtic Girl wrote:
Dec 31, 2006 at 7:28 PM
WOW, it looks so amazing. I don't blame you, that slide looks scary, well done though. I can't wait to see the other
photos.

Kateypie wrote:
Jan 1, 2007 at 8:39 AM
Wow!!!! I'm so proud of you, and so glad you did it!! Dare I say, it sounds like fun. Scary fun, but fun. Well done!!(hehe, and I thought I was adventurous jumping into the pool, haha!)

pink-elephants wrote:
Jan 4, 2007 at 10:02 PM
FANTASTIC GIRL

Friday, 29 December 2006

PRIVATE:::: Dislike my mother so much

Dec 29, 2006 at 4:00 PM

I am tired of my mother!!

I don't like her at all!!

She might be my mother and I love her but I don't like her!

I left home because of her controlling ways and now she is living with us and I hate it!
I am 36 years old married with kids and a mortgage and she is still trying to control my life!
I can't leave anything around the house without her moving it and I am tired of it so I am going to just move it back each time she moves it!

I am not going to take it any longer as she is ruining my life... and if she doesn't listen then I am going to suggest that we sell the house and give her $145,000 back and she can go and find another house for herself as I am not going to take this anymore.

I can't have friends without her hating them and making snide remarks and my husband can't even back me up! It has to stop for me to have a life and if it doesn't then my husband and kids can stay with her and I am going to leave!

I know this is the worst thing that anyone could say ever but sometimes I wish that it was her and not my Dad that died! At least with Dad he listened! I tell her and tell her things and she never listens to me and then later she says I didn't tell her.

She hates my friend Debbie! I don't know why she does because she doesn't have to live with her! But I have had enough of it as I don't have friends come over anymore because of her. I know the best thing to do is just to make things on Thursday, Friday, Saturdays when she isn't around so that I can have some peace but I shouldn't have to arrange my life around her!

I do think the only thing that we can do is sell the house! Or tell her she has to find somewhere else to live! I can't do it anymore. She treats me like I am the worst daughter ever when my whole free days not working is taking her everywhere shopping and I hate shopping with a passion. We spend three nights a week taking her to Bingo and spending our petrol to take her and the only time we get money for the bingo is when she wins which it isn't often.

The reason I am writing this is because I have to get this off my chest!!! I don't want to be the same as her!! I don't want to make my kids hate me like I hate her as I am in danger of doing that with my kids!

I have to stop worrying about what she thinks and just get on with it! The reason I haven't gotten in to the Meticulous Maids franchise is because what she thinks and not because it is right for my family

I really dislike my mother and she is 75 years old and I don't think it will ever change!!!
I DISLIKE HER SOOO MUCH.

CM

101 Things to do in 1001 Days

Dec 29, 2006 at 2:30 PM

"101 Things to do in 1001 Days"

Start: 27th September 2006
Completed = in red
Working on = in Blue

1: Dress up, go somewhere for lunch with a special friend
2: Paint Bedroom feature wall
3: Get new curtains for bedroom
4: Get new curtains for Quinn’s room
5: Go on a camping holiday
6: Do corner garden outside Quinn’s room
7: Take the kids to a circus
8: Finish retaining wall with rocks and more plants
9: Get and stay below 100 kilos
10: Go diving
11: Take more photos
12: Go Kayaking
13: Try a Jet Ski
14: Plant some Feijoa trees
15: Learn to play Guitar
16: Go swimming at the beach
17: Investigate learning to be a Life Coach
18: Read 4 novels from start to finish
19: Stop Biting my nails
20: Wear Skinny red dress
21: Learn Piano
22: Go to Venice and Explore Tuscany
23: Get remarried in a beautiful strapless dress
24: Jog 10km (allowed to stop but mainly jog it)
25: 1 Day Quad bike adventure
26: Have a go at a pottery class
27: Learn to waltz and salsa
28: Hire a boat and go fishing
29: Learn to ride a motorcycle
30: Learn more about SLR Digital Camera and go to a photography class
31: Hubby and I write and illustrate a children’s book
32: Design back yard - where we’d love to entertain in
33: De-clutter under bed and wardrobe
34: Have a traditional Xmas and try some new recipes
35: Put some more shelves up in the garage
36: Have a kid free weekend
37: Get a makeover
38: Reorganise photos
39: Write something about my past for future generationsfrom my about me book
40: Get false nails as it was supposed to be my 20 kilo reward but I have been too chicken. 12/10/06
41: Take the kids to speedway
42: This summer invite more friends around for a BBQ
43: Celebrate a mid winter christmas
44: Do round the bays
45: Make my Xmas Cards and actually send them this year
46: Work out how to publish my blog in a book for me.
47: Do some more scrapbook pages for the boys
48: Get Quinn in to an activity now he is five
49: Try harder to play with the kids
50: Take the kids to Motat
51: Try a new recipe every fortnight
52: Type out mums recipes so they are never forgotten
53: Take the boys ice skating
54: Visit Auckland Museum
55: Get the Visa down instead of thinking of it as money we can spend.
56: Take a photo of my dinners for a fortnight
57: Have a PJ day and not get out of my PJ’s the whole day.
58: Sort out my digital photos and put them on the external hard drive.
59: Organise a holiday birthday diary and send out the cards.
60: Organise a book club online with bloggers (once a month)
61: Try a pedicure
62: Clean out our cupboard shelves
63: Make more cards
64: Take a Trip on a Train
65: Learn to make great bread
66: Complete this list
67: Buy a decent pair of sunglasses
68: Go to the movies by myself
69: Take a photo a day for 30 days
70: Visiting friends in Auckland
71: Stay up to see in a New Year
72: Buy some flowers for no reason and give them to someone
73: Place $1 a day in a jar for 1001 days
74: Go wine tasting
75: Get over the 30 kilos lost and stop stuffing around. 10/10/06
76: Track for a month and don't miss.
77: Once a month do a digital scrapbook page
78: Walk and Jog for 1/2 hour 1 minute each
79: Reach my 35 Kilos before end of April 2007
80: Grow my hair to my shoulders
81: Get to 40 kilos lost
82:
83: Get to 45 kilos lost
84: Buy an outfit from Kimberleys on Victoria Street (if it is open when I reach that size)
85: Do lengths in the swimming pool
86: Go horse riding
87: Finish the two cross stitches I started
88: Mums cross stitch framed
89: Get rid of old shoes and buy some new ones
90: 4 weekends in a row bake some biscuits etc for kids lunches
91: 15 minutes on cross trainer
92: 20 minutes on cross trainer
93: Go to Rangitoto for a visit with the kids
94: http://bookcrossing.com/
95: Walk up and down the beach on holiday everyday of the holiday
96: Scuba Diving
97: Do some bush walks
98: 2008 Relay for Life
99: Huntly Half Marathon
100: One Night class with Hubby
101: Make a new list

Comments

Lynise wrote:
Jan 3, 2007 at 9:39 AM
Hi there deary,
Great to see your back. I have been meaning to write you an e-mail and see how you are but have had very restricted computer access over the past week (been away) and prior to going away I had almost a week of misery with my wisdom teeth (op) causing me major grief. Anyway, roll on 2007, there's a whole new year just beginning and I know we all have it within us to make progress on our own personal goals (whatever they may be). I must get back into blogspot and start posting and blog reading again as I've really missed everyone.
Well I hope your year is off to a great start.
Take care
Lynise

Thursday, 28 December 2006

Black Water Rafting Arghhh - 28 Dec 2006

Dec 28, 2006 at 11:15 PM

Well I was talking to MIL and was really worried about saying yes but it is her 60th on Saturday and she is going Black Water Rafting down in the and said that if hubby and I wanted to go then she would pay. BIL and Annabelle are going (Annabelle said she is claustrophobic argghh) and I didn't answer her. The reason I didn't answer her was because I was internally thinking things like:

Would they have a wet suit that would fit me?
Would my ass fit in a Black Tyre tube?
Would I fit through the whole going in to the cave?
Would I freak and then my MIL think I was more of a stupid silly cow?
I don’t want to ruin her day!

I did have the guts to say to her later that night that I wanted to do it but I feared the wetsuit situation and she said that she went down to check out other people at Waitomo caves doing it one weekend and there were bigger people doing it and there didn’t seem to be a problem. I think she understood. Hubby told her I was afraid to ruin it for her and she said not to be silly she would like me to come. She is paying for anyone that wants to do it with her.

I must admit I haven’t slept much in the last couple of days thinking about it as it really scares me just like heights do and I have always thought too much I know.

Hubby said to me jokingly “you just want to add another notch to your belt this year and make it 8 things I have done this year..he he he” To be quite honest I am happy with 7 things achieved this year he he he.

So we told the MIL that we would have a BBQ back here for her afterwards as her place wouldn’t fit 10 or so people and she was sooo happy with that.

OMG am I doing the right thing? If you live in NZ have you done it? Would you do it? ARGGHHHHH.

CM


Comments

Lee wrote:
Dec 30, 2006 at 12:05 PM
It sounds like great fun...I also would be worried about the wet suit, maybe give them a call and ask a few questions then you can make up your mind:)

Kateypie wrote:
Dec 30, 2006 at 8:56 PM
I've done white water rafting, and while I'm not very adventurous etc, and didn't enjoy it HEAPS.. it was certainly an experience and I'm glad I did it. Why don't you ring the company and explain your concerns, and see what they say. If they are happy then I think you should go for it!

Celtic Girl wrote:
Dec 30, 2006 at 10:18 PM
Your an Amazon.Next you'll be bungy jumping over the Shotover.Go on and do it and make sure you post every detail. I am in awe of you !!!

Monday, 25 December 2006

Christmas Day - 25 December 2006

Dec 25, 2006 at 10:09 PM

Was really ill Christmas Eve night and slept like 2 hours and felt like I had a tummy bug or something it was not nice at all.

Really really full and ate way way too much and drank too much and now the day is over I am sooo glad.

I reckon if my brother in law marries his girlfriend Annabelle then I am going to have a great sister in law as she is just adorable and we had so much in common. She started laughing when she saw one of the presents I got my mother in law it was a brooch from Trade Aide as my mother in law loves things hand made etc and Annabelle was laughing because they almost got the same brooch for her woooowww scary..

Annabelle is also a James Bond fanatic as well! We even have the same size shoe he he he as she wore my sneakers when we went for a walk this afternoon. Too freaky that is for sure. We got on soooo well and I enjoyed her company today.

The boys were exstatic today with all the presents... I must admit they got spoilt rotten but they are only young once and we don't buy much other than birthdays or Christmas so it doesn't bother me.

Lunch was fantastic and conversation was fantastic and sometimes I wonder how my brother in law found such a wonderful girl that is for sure.

Kids got skateboards for Xmas and sooo sooo sooo many other things.

Had a lovely walk with the BIL and girlfriend and MIL and hubby and went up to the new playground (kids decided to stay home with their toys and my mother) and we played on the swings and ropes etc it was like being a teenager again.

Found out that Annabelle and I LOVE James Bond and so we are going on on Friday 29th to see the New James Bond movie called Casino Royale and then going out for dinner afterwards (with BIL and hubby too of course).

On Boxing day we went to hubby's step brother in laws to get together with hubby's Dad and his stepmum for Xmas and while there hubby's step brother and sister in law asked if they could go to the James Bond movie too so it will be quite good that all of us get out and go to the movies and dinner... like a real family... even though it is a strange mixture of a family I reckon getting along will make things so much nicer.

Anyway Good Christmas and Boxing day I reckon.

Love ya all
CM

Comments

Kateypie wrote:
Dec 28, 2006 at 10:14 PM
Glad you had a great christmas! My brother also brought his GF for the first time, and she was also lovely! It's so nice when you get on well with them isn't it? :-)

Hippygal wrote:
Dec 28, 2006 at 11:42 PM
Great blog - glad you had a great Christmas and have a fantastic New Year :) :). Thanks for the invite had been wondering how you were doing.

Saturday, 23 December 2006

Strange Weather - Saturday 23 December 2006

Dec 23, 2006 at 7:16 PM

My mum won $500 on bingo last night woohooo for her and so she said she wanted to go again tonight if that was ok with us. The reason she asked was because she said a couple of nights ago that we could go on a date night and she would look after the boys. She was sooo excited that I said yes on one condition that she would let us sleep in this morning till 10 well we didn't get past 8.30 because I couldn't sleep as I kept thinking I have to get out and get some exercise.

I went in to the gym for my pt session with my trainer yesterday morning and when I got there she said "we aren't going to do a workout today we are going for a coffee" to tell you the truth I was a little upset because I was really wanting to go and do a good workout before Xmas but my trainer wanted to have a session just us and have a coffee and a chat. It was great and I did enjoy it but all night I felt guilty for not doing any exercise.

I have made a deal with hubby that I have to get out every day for an hour and do some exercise either walking or the gym and so this morning I could not sleep in as I knew I had to do some exercise. TYPICAL really because I also needed to sleep in as well and after thinking about exercise when I woke up and went to the loo I couldn't get it out of my head.

So I had breakfast got dressed and went for a walk for an hour and along the way it rained he he he but it was all good! I even rain some of the way he he he it was great and it didn't feel wrong either.

A friend saw me on the walk and asked if I wanted to go for a coffee so I went for a coffee with her and had a huge talk... I was suprised that she stopped and wanted to have coffee as the email I got from K she said in it that this person was now her friend and spent lots of time with her and I was wrong that she didn't like her because they had been spending time at LEAN together..

So anyway I mentioned this to my friend and she said "that girl must be sick in the head because I have said hello to her and when she is at the gym will say good evening or good morning but that is it" I said that I thought since we hadn't seen each other in a while that she had thought that what K had said etc she was agreeing with her.

My friend said she had thought that I was just busy with kids and hubby and gave me time to get over the busy season and then after christmas was going to arrange a coffee etc. Wow isn't it funny how some things can go through your mind and those things aren't happening. I am glad that with this whole situation I haven't lost good friends and have only lost people that were making life difficult.

We went and had a mosy at some of the lovely little shops afterwards and had a good time.. I felt just a little under dressed in a t shirt and track pants but it was nice spending time with my friend.

I told hubby and he said... well I can't repeat what he said but said psycho!!!!

Did the grocery shopping for Xmas day today too it was relaxing and took my youngest son and he was sooo good and was crossing out the groceries that we put in our trolley.

Also went to this little alley way shopping in town and there were little shops there and soooo cute things and I enjoyed myself and brought a couple of little things... OMG if I had one of those shops I would be in seventh heaven... all little nick nacs etc.

Wrapped all the kids Xmas presents last night and it took a couple of hours but I think they are going to be sooo happy with all their presents.

I am feeling sooo happy about my new blog!! Thank you all for still reading. I am feeling great that I am going under a new name and I can feel free to talk again.

SO!!! I have 2.1 kilos to lose as my next challenge!! 2.1 by 11 January 2007 what do you reckon I can do it aye! Hmmm 2 1/2 weeks and I don't think I will..hmmm I might make it 2.1 by end of January 2007 and that will be my 35 kilos! woohoo 35 kilos.

Hubby said today that if I can get to 94 kilos then he would buy me a nifty fifty how COOL is that. Mind you that is when I reach my 60 kilos lost.

I worked out that 32.9 kilos is 72.3 pounds 72 pounds.... 72 pounds..... 72 pounds... now doesn't that sound bloody cool!! another 12 kilos and I would make the 100 pounds lost woohooooo. I so like it more hearing it in pounds he he he.

Roll on Xmas! I know I won't be getting much for Xmas as my mum has already given me money to get clothes (which I brought a top with but a good quality top) and hubby is letting me go to a parallel import shop in Akl in the holidays for my xmas present..

Ok I am rambling he he he

Love CM

Have a good Xmas everyone if I don't post till Xmas day etc.

Comments

Chris H wrote:
Dec 23, 2006 at 9:07 PM
Great you found your friend was still your friend.... shopping is so much fun eh?!! Good luck on reaching your next goal.... and yes, it does sound better in pounds! 61 kilos = 134.2 pounds, what I lost !! hee hee Found some of them again.... but am gunna lose them again. That's my goal for 007. HAVE A WONDERFUL XMAS, BE GOOD, BE CAREFUL, BE HAPPY.

Kateypie wrote:
Dec 24, 2006 at 8:11 PM
Merry Christmas!! Hope you have a wonderful day :-)

janene wrote:
Dec 27, 2006 at 8:58 PM
Hey you! Sorry I haven't commented for so long, but I'd forgotten to forward your new url home, but managed to track it down through my vox account :)
Hope you had a great Xmas, and yes, you can and will lost that 2.1(?)kg by the end of January. Easy Peasey!! :)
*hugs*

Lee wrote:
Dec 27, 2006 at 11:17 PM
Hope you and your family had a great christmas:)
I need to take a leaf out of your book and get back into it - I have gained heaps in the last few weeks which is really depressing!
Thanks for getting me motivated to move my butt!!

Thursday, 21 December 2006

Feeling bad - Thursday 21 December 2006

Dec 21, 2006 at 4:11 PM

Feeling bad because I have been eating way way way too much chocolate and a couple a day but the nibbling is the bad thing and not having good breakfasts either. Feeling bloated and unhappy with myself and my face has broken out with three pimples... oh that makes me sooooo upset and mad because meeting the brother in laws girlfriend for Xmas day and I am going to look like a 36 year old spotty teenager grrrr and right on my cheek and by my mouth and on my chin OMG OMG I haven't had pimples like that in years. I think it is all the stress with K and the uncertainty in my job etc that is doing it.

Had the meeting last night about my job and it was a really positive one until the end... now I don't know if I have told you all what I do but I do the accounts for 6 creches and there are 43 creches in NZ that our company deals with (they only took us all over January 2006) and now they have sold us to another company that already has 27 creches so there will be two more in our town and I don't know if they have any financial administrators or not and so last night they mainly talked about the teachers jobs etc etc and since I was the only financial administrator I got more and more tense by the end of the night and my old boss that sold our creche last year was there and saw that I was getting upset came over and talked to me and I burst out in tears and then the new owners saw that and I felt like such a fool!!!

I mean a 36 year old crying like a baby but I was worried I was going to lose my job just after Xmas. She said NO you have continuing employment and there will be no changes to your pay or your hours but there might be a change to your job description and really I don't mind as the only reason I am working there is because the hours really work well with the kids etc...

But I am going through like a mid life crisis at the moment!! I don't know what to do with my life. I have three things that I am torn between and I don't know what I want to do... I am scared and I feel soooo distraught about it all.

I don't know whether I want us to buy this franchise we have been looking in to (I am scared because I have never ever owned a business and it is a huge risk for us).

I also want to be a Life Coach but that costs money and then I wonder after all these problems with K that I want to get involved and help people if they turn out to be stalkers like K.

I would love to own a craft shop and sell and make things in the craft shop and just be creative.
Three things that I am torn about at the moment and hubby just says do what you wouldl ike to do and really I don't know how to chose... what do you think? How do I chose? What will help me decide. I have done the pros and cons for all and they are all similar.

Or is life better the way it is being not complicated and being free to do whatever. I just feel that I am wasting my time now that I could be doing something to make my life later easier etc...

OHHHH I DON'T know!!

Going to my PT session with Joy and Debbie tonight so that should be good!

I must admit that exercise has not been as full on in the last couple of weeks and maybe that is the reason I am losing now??? just a thought!!!

Love ya all
CM

Comments

Chris H wrote:
Dec 22, 2006 at 9:24 PM
You have way too much going on in your life right now to be making huge decisions re: jobs, craft shop, life coach etc etc! That's why you've broken out in pimples!! At some stage one of your options is going to just stand out, give it time.... Don't make any rash decisions. Try to unwind over the holidays, just enjoy the season and let the rest fade for a while. You are probably overeating etc from stress/emotional reasons... we all know about that. And remember, if it doesn't feel "right" then it probably isn't.

pink-elephants wrote:
Dec 23, 2006 at 2:52 PM
Hi hun so pleased u invited me to join in your journey. Wishing you a happy and restful Christmas my friend.

Wednesday, 20 December 2006

Life feels good - Wednesday 20 December 2006

Dec 20, 2006 at 2:47 PM

Life feels good today... well so far anyway.

Work put on a breakfast for us this morning at 7am argghhhh but then again I start work at 7.30 and we had bacon, hash browns and scrambled eggs and fruit and yoghurt... it was sooo yummy all of it he he he he

For lunch I had homemade coleslaw so that wasn't too bad.

I got a Secret Santa present a key ring with my name on it as it is hard to find my name they always think it is the other version so finding one with my real name on it was great. Those who know me know what I am talking about he he he.

Well last night I went to Weight Watchers and lost 400 grams and that was good considering all the xmas lollies and chocolates and food etc so I have now lost 32.9 kilos taking me from 154.7 to 121.8 woohoo only 1.9 till I get in to the teens and I cannot wait I can tell you.

I have had so much motivation in the last couple of months and I am sooo happy about that. It is amazing when you start thinking of yourself instead of others how things can change. I am happy with all my decisions in the last year and all that I have done! I am happy with my life at the moment apart from the uncertainty with work and if I am going to have a job next year.. and in previous years I would have fretted over it and fretted over it but now I think well I can't do much about it and if I lose my job then I will have to find another and hey that is the way things go in life now.. years ago people kept their jobs forever but not now.

We are having a meeting tonight with the new owners so we will see how it all goes.. I hope it is a possitive one because I don't want to be feeling bad at Xmas time.

I must admit I am having some pimples on my face (which I haven't had in years) because of all the crap with K and with the work situation and I think Xmas is going to be good to relax and just go with the flow. I do totally believe that stress makes things in your system go wacko!
Picked up my boys from school today to find out what class they will be in next year and I am so so so so happy with who their teachers will be next year. My youngest (I have been told) has been put in an accelerated class as that teacher always takes the accelerated kids.

My oldest has a new teacher next year but she has relieved this year and he absolutly adores her so that is going to be good too. My oldest also gets to go in the class with his best friend so that is good too and he is in an accelerated class too he is reading at a 9 1/2 year old level and he is only just turned 7 so that is good in a way... but I have had talks with his teacher as I don't want to have him too far ahead of himself because I had a friend when I was in high school kill himself because of the pressure and he wasn't ready for it so I hope they don't push him too much as I want him to be happy and the other stuff will come in life ya know.

My brother in law and his new girlfriend are coming for Xmas OMG I was pissed about it last night (now please don't take this the wrong way) but last year he came and he didn't get any presents for anyone (NOT even the kids) and I felt that I didn't care if he got anything for me but he didn't get anything for my boys and he is really their only true uncle I was sooo angry.. and then he sat around all day having everyone wait on him hand and foot (as he is my husbands mums favourite (well that is what I think anyway)). He didn't bring any food to contribute and didn't help clean up anything just ate A LOT and drank.. I was sooo annoyed.

The other thing I am mad at as he is has been with his girlfriend for like six months and we met her once at the end of my triathlon for 5 minutes and that was it.. so I don't know what she is like apart from I think she seemed quite nice on the day and got on with the kids. But getting a present for her... what does she like what does she do? PLEASE give me strength.

Hubby's mother is forever going on about how wonderful and smart she is.. so there is another reason to not like her. I have been with hubby for 17 years and she tried everything to stop our relationship at the start because she thought that I was stopping him from getting his degree and I was the one that was making him study and go to class grrrr and so I am going to feel like I am competing with her. I have been told by others that my mother in law is always talking about me to her work mates really nicely but I would just wish she would make me feel comfortable. D got to meet her last week and she could see what I meant and before that thought I was being sensitive so it was nice to know that she agreed with me.

The new girlfriend is from Luxenburg so there is another exotic thing about her...
Wow I will stop this moaning as she does seem like a really nice girl REALLY but OMG I just didn't want Christmas day to be a day where I was not feeling like I could relax and his brother said that he wasn't coming until last night when he told us he was coming months ago SHIT! Ba hum bug.

I am not a nasty person but if I get it out on here then I can forget about it and get on with my life and be nice on Christmas day ya know.

I hope you all check out Kateypie's digital scrapbooking because for a newbie she is just Brilliant... her pages look fantastic. She should be proud.

I am doing a scrapbook for me (digital of course) about me!! All about me so that my kids will know what I think and how I feel... it is going to be interesting that is for sure.
Byee
CM

Comments

Rachel's World wrote:
Dec 20, 2006 at 3:36 PM

ANOTHER LOSS!!!!!!! You are on fire girl, congratulations. What an excellent way to end the year and I reckon you will be in the 'teens' quicker than you can blink an eye :)

Bummer about the brother-in-law coming for Xmas day, doesn't sound like the sort of person you want around at that time ay? Oh well try and make the best of it, I know you will be smiling and being your normal delightfuly self.

Monday, 18 December 2006

Faith in the human race - 18 December 2006 Monday

Dec 18, 2006 at 8:40 PM

What a day!

Got to work a little bit worried about what will happen with my job but we have been reassured that we are all going to keep our jobs (for the time being I reckon) but anyway after reading a little of my book I talked about yesterday I have come to realise that I can't do much about it.

My computer decided to not work at work today and I have three weeks of work to do in 3 days and OMG I was stressing so I phoned my boss in Auckland and said I was going home to use my computer because I couldn't stuff around with the accounts of 6 creches when I am stressed as it is... so I had to take everything home and then I didn't get much peace with mum at home and then when I picked up the kids my youngest wouldn't stop bugging me ARGGGGG but hey that is life when you have kids.

Went to the gym tonight to Liz's kickboxing class and OMG OMG we had to hold weights while doing the kick boxing arm movements OMG OMG OMG I am sooo sooo sore. D went and we laughed so so so much I think I am going to have a sore tummy as well. We couldn't stop laughing because on the floor doing the crunches etc she wanted us to do the bike ride things with our legs and then we had to have our backsides off the floor but have the leg going up and down OMG D moaned and groaned so much and we laughed so much it was soooo funny.

I am having so much fun with D and I am losing I am losing!!! I am losing!!! and having fun! I am so happy that I got rid of the acidic friendship I am so glad that I am in Vox because I am free to say what I feel and no one knows I am here he he he apart from you guys that is!!
I hope with all my heart that tomorrow night I lose weight at my final weigh in! I want to leave the year on a high!!! and dammit I am going to start next year on a high too!!!

Even my eyelids hurt tonight he he he

We have a huge meeting on Wednesday night with the new owners of work to find out about our jobs. I hope there isn't going to be any suprises installed for us. Please pray for me guys!!! I need all the help I can get.

Thank you all for being such great friends! I am glad that I have met you all!! I am glad!!!
I might have had one nasty experience from blogging but that is because that person was not quite right in the head and not because everyone is as nasty as her and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to still have faith in the human race.

Good night everyone
Love CM

Kateypie wrote:
Dec 19, 2006 at 10:03 PM
I'm so amazed by how hard you work at your exercise - well done!Oh.. have posted some more digital scrapping on my blog - hehe, addicted..well and truly!

Sunday, 17 December 2006

Enjoy the vital energy of the present - 17 December 2006 Sunday

Dec 17, 2006 at 9:04 PM

Had a sleep in this morning and to be quite honest I have felt really really lazy in the last week. I don't want to do any exercise.. is that bad? Sometimes I feel really naughty that I don't want to do any exercise.

Slept in this morning till 9.30 and then read my book for a while and then hubby brought breakfast up it was soo nice to have breaky in bed. Even if the kids came jumping up on the bed.
I think having Sunday as a lay in morning is a great tradition he he he and quite happy that the boys are old enough now to know.

After breakfast we got our helmets on and biked up to the Library and my youngest is getting so good at keeping up with us and it doesn't take us a year to get there. It is 6 kms round trip so that is a long way for the boys. It was really nice going to the library and sitting on the couch while my youngest read me a book and he sounded out the words and didn't always get it right but he has only been going to school for 6 weeks so I was really proud. My oldest went on the library computers to find just the right books for him. He is only 7 and he is reading books like Harry Potter and The Hardy boys etc...

I found some books to sort me out.. because I don't know what I want to do when I grow up and apart from concentrating on the weight loss this year I want to find out what I want to do with my life. I have been in two minds about what I want to do. I want to own a business and preferbly a craft business or I want to be a life coach. I want to help people losing weight to get past all the emotional stuff as I wish I could have had someone to do that. I don't know what to do!! and at this time of year I find myself thinking of what if this and what if that... maybe a life coach is someone that I need to go to he he he but I can't afford it at the moment. Everything is always about money grrr I hate that. The emotional part of losing weight is the hardest part I reckon.

The books I chose were "Finding true north by Micheal Henderson" " Set and achieve your goals by Des Moss" and Choosing Happiness by Sandra Stoddard. I am not too sure if any of them will help but if I decide to be a Life Coach the books can't harm at all I suppose.
I am sooooo liking Vox at the moment. I am glad that I have a different blog name and that I can still write but I am taking time to invite people because I can't seem to trust again. Thanks Kate for being here! I love reading your blog and how you really think about things in your life and how you can improve them...

Went to D's (Friend) place for dinner with the boys (where she is house sitting) and it was really relaxing and we had Apricot curried Chicken and Veges it was sooo yummy. It felt good to be there and we watched a little bit of sky food channel while the boys played with the toys. We then played kids Charades and it was such a hoot. My youngest could play too as there were pictures showing what to do and he was putting up his right hand (finger pointing) in the air and we kept saying sky or helicopter etc and he kept saying no and we gave up and then he looked at us and said "It is a Fire Engine of course" and we just laughed and laughed because he was right he wasn't allowed to make a sound so that was the most logical thing was the lights going round and round and D laughed her head off and so did I.

After Charades we played Jenga and once again laughed our heads off.

Before going out tonight (I was in a bad mood beforehand) I read the book Choosing Happiness and found this excerpt
"Many people are preoccupied with the past or dream of the future, discounting now, the only place where they can enjoy the vital energy of the present"
What a great thing!! So I decided I wasn't going to be in a grumpy mood and I was going to let this new friend D in my life and enjoy being around her because I am not going to let one psycho ex friend ruin it for others when others won't nesecarilly do the same to me.

I got a lovely Xmas card from D saying "Just a short note so that I can try and express how much I appreciate all that you have done for me. Good friends are so special and I thank you all for being my friend. You have welcomed me into your home, listen to me sing (badly he he), feed me, and supported me more than many others have. I look forward to next year and all the adventures, laughs, fun and good times we will share"

I was soooo touched by this card! I would love her to know my new blog but I am not going to let her or anyone in my town know about this blog as I need to have it so I can say what I feel.
So now I am back to blogging I feel soooo happy! It wasn't that I didn't want to blog anymore but for two years I felt like I was finally getting it all out of my mind and on paper (or cyberspace he he) and not keeping it in and the thought of not having it was scaring me.
3 days of work to go till Xmas holidays woohooo.

I should post a picture of my office (or my dungeon like I call it) I just got a new cupboard and re did the room and the kids painted pictures for my walls it is sooo cute.

I am going to take one day at a time and I am going to live a happy one.

I have to chose what I want to do next year..study or buy a business!! Right now while I am writing this I am thinking study! I might check it all out this week.

Thanks for listening Diary
Love Chubbymum

Comments

janene wrote:
Dec 18, 2006 at 2:04 PM
Thanks for inviting me to continue reading your blog, L. I promise to stick to the rules and shall never ever mention the existence of this blog to another living soul... hehehe

I'm glad you decided to carry on blogging, it was a shame that that trollop got the last word in, but this way she doesn't, you can start fresh and chose your readers very carefully this time around.

It sounds like you are in a really good headspace at the moment, despite all that has been happening, so good on you for making the choice to not let it get you down and hold you back, which was no doubt the trollop's intentions!

*hugs*

Saturday, 16 December 2006

I want to feel comfortable

Dec 16, 2006 at 8:47 PM

I want to feel comfortable in my blog and so if you have been invited here I know that you don't judge and won't turn on me like a so called friend has in the past.

  • I am going to say what I think in this blog!!
  • I am not going to apologise for anything I say in this blog
  • This is for me not anyone else
  • I am not showing this blog to anyone that lives in my town.
  • People that know me know what my real name is but I am not going to mention it on here or any of my families names.
  • When I write in other peoples blogs I will be giving them my CM blog and not here!
  • Please do not give this address to anyone or that will be it!! I will not write anymore... as I am not NOT do you understand going to go through what I did with my so called friend.

So now that I have gotten that out of my system I feel happier.

Facts:
I started off at 154.7 kilos (11 January 2005) and I am now 122.5 kilos on the 16th December 2006. That is 32.2 kilos lost and I am proud of that!

In the past year I haven't lost much at all and for me I feel it is because I was focussing on helping other people and not focussing on helping me..

That has all changed! I am not going to hinder my weight loss anymore!!! I am not going to put other people first anymore!! I am going to put my family and me first!

I sound harsh when I read this back! I don't want to sound harsh but I have been burnt and it is going to take a while to get over that.

I have also met some really really wonderful people on my journey that I didn't want to give up when I left my other blog but then I am scared to trust again!! SCARED...

So please take my invitation as one with love and please please give me your opinion as I need to have that to get somewhere on this journey... somewhere being healthy and happy and loved I hope.

Love CM

Comments

Kateypie wrote:
Dec 17, 2006 at 8:43 AM

Well done on reaching your 30 kg mark - I don't think I realised before.. that's a huge acheivement!

Friday, 15 December 2006

I have decided to give up my diary for sure

I am giving up my blog!

I am giving up because I got the most nastiest email from Kris today and I will put a little of what she said and that is going to be it!

I have had enough of my blog being used against me!

I don't like writing here anymore because I can't be myself anymore.

I love you guys a lot and if you want to email me to find out what is happening then please do as I would love to keep in touch but I am scared SCARED to write anymore and I am not going to live my life in fear.

So this is one thing she wrote: You have probably already guess that it was me who told Daniel about what was written in your Blog and it was and I don't have any regrets because it was bad enough what you wrote about me but Daniel and Joy were only trying to help you and you were quite nasty and I do have copies of posts so you can't deny it. It went further than I wanted it too I have to admit because I only wanted to see what you wrote after the split but then you kept writing and writing and it did become a bit addictive a bit like a soap opera really but I have to say thank you for blocking me again.

I didn't think I was nasty about Daniel and certainly wasn't nasty about Joy (Crusher) but obviously I was and to be honest I didn't or don't want to hurt anyone again so not writing at all is better.

I don't want another BITCH (sorry to say that but I am sooo angry at the moment) to use anything against me like that. OMG for her to copy my diaryland blog before I took it off makes me feel scared shitless because it just reminds me of a stalker and when I make my life into something they are going to bring bits and pieces up to cause me problems. I can't understand why anyone in their right mind would copy my blog. I don't think that I have ever said anything nasty about Joy.... maybe I am caught up in my own mind that I don't see that I am being nasty?

I am scared to be friends with anyone anymore and I am not going to let this ruin my weight loss journey. I have my husband and my kids and I am going to keep it at that from now on. I cannot handle another suzy school kid situation like this again. I can't be honest in my blog on how I am feeling because it is used against me.

I know this is like the millioneth time I have said it but it has to be like this as I can't handle this anymore.

I have had this blog for 2 years now and totally upset that it has to end but it is the right thing for me.

I will be reading your blogs to keep up on the news and I would love emails but this is the final post for me as it isn't working...

I am the luckiest woman to have met all of you and I hope for years and years we still are friends and write to each other as that is the thing I treasure the most out of this whole experience.

Love you all (for the last time)
Chubbymum

Thursday, 14 December 2006

Link for others to read and ARGHHHHHHHH

Hi!
I was wondering if everyone could link to this page for me please. I want to be able to meet other people and this is way to do it.

I have set up this page so that others can come and read... So please link me from now on if that is ok :-)

Went to Corbin's gymnastics show last night and had such a good time watching them. Corbin looked so confident and happy. Quinn said he wanted to do it next year and I will have to arrange for them to both do some more activities next year OMG where am I going to get the time he he he he. Told them they could both have 1 sport and 1 creative each because I couldn't manage 2 sports each as they usually happen in the weekend and they can't be in two places each at the same time he he he.

Corbin watching the older kids doing gymnastics and was watching with such concentration on his face.


The boy in the red is Corbin's best friend Cathan and look at their faces aren't they funny.

Corbin was ready to do his roll and the concentration is still on his face it was just sooo cute (Ok I am biast he he he)

I went for a walk this morning to take the boys to school and then go for a walk afterwards and I walked 6743 steps and it was only 12.15 when I got home woohooo and I still have the rest of the day and also my PT with Crusher.

I am feeling so much happier since not being with Lean... I think it got to be too much getting up so early in the morning and also that I was doing too much exercise. Maybe that was another reason why I wasn't losing the weight. I was doing 6 days a week exercise and I was feeling good but the main reason was for me to lose weight and I wasn't.

I hoped on the scales last night and I was 122.6 (They are always a kilo more than WW so I was happy with that) so on the WW scales I am 121.6 that is 900grams and I am really really happy with that in one week. Last week I wasn't watching what I was eating.. I wasn't eating bad but relaxed maybe a little too much and this week I am getting my backside back into drinking my water and smaller portions.

1 week then I am off for 18 days OMG that is going to be fantastic I just cannot wait!!!

I am going to take photos of my Xmas cards tonight and put them up online. Feeling quite creative in the last week woohooo.

Katie... how is it going with photoshop? Good I hope.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

:::::UPDATE:::::

I got a phone call from Debbie this afternoon to say that our work has sold the business (YET BLOODY AGAIN) the new owners have only owned us for a year and we are now owned by another company... OMG my job changed dramatically last time now I am really really worried that it is going to change again. In the letter it said that all employees will be employed but OMG I don't want to go through all that again...

Why can't things be simple and jobs be simple and that you get a job and that is it none of this will I have one next year or not. I mean a week and a half before Xmas and they do this crap! What is up with that?

I am a worried!!! and all my mum says is "you brought guitars and none of you are using them" OMG my life is upside down and I don't really know what is happening with my job and she says this crap!!!

I have been made redundant twice and I just don't want to go through anymore crap as my life is good the way it is.... I phoned hubby and said maybe this is telling us something? Maybe it is telling me to go for this franchise business? Or get my A into G and open up a crafts shop?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tuesday, 12 December 2006

No Weigh In

I decided not to go to my weigh in tonight... for one thing I have a major ear infection and went to the doctors and I wasn't in a very good mood to go.

I have been ok with my food this week and I don't think there would have been a problem with my weight so I am not overly concerned about it just that I am grumpy and thought it was better to stay home.

We put up the Xmas lights on the house tonight so hopefully it looks good when it gets dark hmmmm sooo cool.

I am getting in to my Digital Scrapbooking and feeling like it is making me calm or something latley... it is sooo nice to get in to something that I feel passion for and makes me feel calm.
Christmas is not going to beat me I am going to still keep going on this weight loss and if I gain then I gain and I am going to get on with it in January. I have been doing this for almost 2 years now and I don't want to go back to my life before that and that isn't saying that I am going to eat everything just that it isn't going to consume me the whole holiday.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

No longer blogging

I am no longer blogging.

I am not willing to have anyone use information against me in a nasty way again as they have ruined it for me.

Good luck on all your journey's... I wish you well.

If you want to contact me on chubbymum at yahoo .co .nz you are welcome to.

I will still be commenting though... so watch out he he he

Love ya all

Sunday, 10 December 2006

Scrapbooking Fever

I have got digital scrapbooking fever and made a couple more

Went for a walk this morning at 11am with Debbie around the lake which is 4km and we took my boys on their scooters. It was soo much fun and there were santas running around the lake in santa suits... as a fundraiser... it was soo funny.

It was a good hour we went for a walk and the boys enjoyed it too. We went to the playground afterwards so the kids could play and Corbin saw a school friend of his so he enjoyed that a lot. We went and got the boys an ice cream afterwards.

I got home and did some more digital scrapbooking while hubby took the boys to the Christmas parade. I didn't go because it was too hot and I hate being in a crowd that big it makes me nervous so it gave me a chance to have some time to myself.

We are watching James Bond movies now he he he as a friend of hubby's loaned it to us over Xmas as I am a Total fan.

Weekend was a full on one.. hope everyone is having a great time.

Chubbymum

Saturday, 9 December 2006

M.I.A

I know I have been missing in action lately but I still feel weird writing in here and if I would offend anyone.. I am sorry for that. I know I have things sorted with Sgt Major now as I talked to him on Friday and said what I thought and so did he. He said that it got out of control and it wasn't what he wanted to happen but was worried that if anyone read my blog that lived in my town then it would ruin his business and I can understand that. He also understood why I thought that he wasn't right for me and I said but that didn't mean he wasn't a nice guy just that he wasn't the right trainer for me.. so I feel so happy about that getting sorted now.

Today we put up the xmas decorations in the lounge and the boys playroom one will get done when they get home after being with their Nana Chris for the afternoon.

I have been getting in to my Digital Scrapbooking again and feeling quite creative... the only problem with me is that I am a perfectionist and sometimes it can take me days to finish a layout because I am sooo fussy he he he but if you want to check the latest one out it is here and I am determined to do one a week like Kate because I feel it is important to do and I just have to stop being so particular and get on with it and if I do more than one a week then that is good too.

OMG Kate you just start things he he he he and get me juices going on the crafts again.. my hubby is going to kick ya backside he he he because it take time away from him ha ha ha.

A friend that moved down to Hokitika January 2006 is coming back to town to live and they were up this weekend... we had lunch yesterday and it was great to catch up. Now... this is the lady that when I first started used to say to people when she introduced me like pointing at me and then saying "this is where I used to be weight wise" OMG I used to get soooo pissed off with that (now this friend just sometimes doesn't think before saying something but doesn't mean things in a nasty way... ) She has a heart of gold really. She was the one that said to me "20 kilos in a year is too much you won't be able to do that" and I lost 20 kilos in 10 months to prove her wrong...

Two weeks ago I said to Crusher that she is coming back to town in January and I want to reach my 35 kilos before she gets back thinking that she has probably lost more weight well...... she phone on Thursday night to say she would be in town this weekend to sort out things for January and could we meet for lunch and so we did yesterday and OMG OMG she has like gained 20 kilos since being away and I just wanted to hug her and say "is everything alright" because she just looked sooo big and she was soooo good when she was in town that I was really worried about her.. but you know what I felt sooooo good because I am so so so smaller than her now that it makes me want to keep getting this weight off as I don't want to do what she has done and gain it all back.

We went out to dinner (Japanese) with my friend and the couple she is staying with here in town last night and we had such a good night. I actually had forgotten what fun I used to have when she was around and all the guys got along too and we had sake and wine and lots of food (not so that we were stuffed) and then went back to her friends place and played Who wants to be a Millionaire it was soooo much fun and got home about 1am and it felt good to get out without the kids and have some grown up time.

Anyway going to have dinner now... yummmy chilli con carne yayyyy

Chubbymum

Tuesday, 5 December 2006

I'm in the Zone hubby says

My hubby says I am finally in the zone and that I need to keep doing what I am doing.

I lost 1 kilo this week! OMG I feel totally in Zone

So I have now lost 32.5 woohooo (2.5 kilos to go till my 35 woohooo and 2.3 to get to my teens)

I am in debt to my WW leader ladies because they finally got it through my head that I was being too strict on myself and for me to have little treats. They are so supportive and always there and I am soooo greatful to them for that.

I am sooo happy with the Geneen Roth books as they are making me think too and making me realise that when I want something to have it but in moderation because if not I am going to eat too much to make up for it when what I really want I am not having.

I also thank all you ladies that have been with me and that have been commenting because without you guys I wouldn't have survived as well.

In the WW meeting tonight I said to one lady "can we swap bodies" because she had done so well... and one lady (who got to goal tonight) said "OMG don't say things like that as you are an inspiration and you have kept me going. Wow I was gobsmacked that this lady had said this because I have hardly talked to her.. After the meeting another lady came and said "you are a pleasure to listen to and that I am an inspiration to her and she keeps coming back because of it and also that I should be a leader" Wow I can tell you I got more out of that then losing the 1 kilo tonight because I am not this fat woman that people stare at at the meetings and someone is thinking I am an inspiration.

I had today off sick... We had a pork roast on Sunday and I thnk it didn't agree with me as Monday and Monday night I was not feeling that good and decided since I had most of the night on the loo that I would take the day off work today. I felt bad about it but I think with all that has happened to me in the last couple of weeks I needed the day. I have 9 days sick leave a year and I have had 1 day (now 2) so I don't think I am too bad he he he

My youngest son had his athletics day today and hubby went down in his lunch time to watch him and I went down to pick him up from school and he was standing at the front of all the kids and parents with 8 others and they were chosen as the players of the day OMG this is from the boy that at the cross country decided to take a stick on the fence as he went past... he he he always in his own little world but not today he must have done really well and I didn't make it to it but hubby said he did really well.

My oldest has his athletics day tomorrow so I hope the weather stays right for him.

Anyway going to go and finish my Xmas cards for the year. If any of you want one... email me with your address because I would LOVE to make one for you all....

Love ya all
Chubbymum

Sunday, 3 December 2006

Weekend

Thursday Night

What a miserable day weather wise it was wet and horrible but went out and got wrapping paper etc for Xmas.

Met Debbie at the gym to have our first joint PT with Crusher and she punished us like you wouldn't believe. She worked us harder than she has ever done before.

We did:
  1. 10 minutes on the bike going up and down the levels each minute
  2. Kickboxing with her while other one was on the ground with the medicine ball going from side to side and OMG my abs were soooo sore as we did it like 5 times with swapping from the kickboxing to medicine ball abs argghhhh.
  3. Treadmill with incline to 4 and run one minute walk and putting the revs up too arghh but I was sweating like you wouldn't believe.
  4. One of us on the rower 500 mtrs - 1st 200 metres fast as and 100 metres slow as we wanted then 200 metres fast as while the other one was on the side doing sit ups for the 200 metres fast and bridge for the 100 metres fast and then sit ups to finish off OMG OMG
  5. Water bike for 15 minutes and she put up the intensity every minute then down for a minute then up and my arms were burning by the end of it.
  6. Then back on the bike for 10 minutes before doing our stretches.

I know on paper it doesn't mean a lot but it was sooooooo hard and I sweated like no bodies business.

Friday
What a beautiful day it was here today. I got up at 5.30am to be at the gym with Crusher at 6am and had an amazing workout and she worked my butt off. It has been soooo much better than Lean in the fact that I have sweated my backside off. I changed my 9am appointment with Crusher to the 6am as Quinn's class of mums decided to get together for a coffee after taking the kids to school so I wanted to go he he he and there was about 9 of us that turned up. It was really nice and relaxing. I walked the boys to school and walked home from the coffee and then went Xmas shopping for little things for xmas (even though all my shopping is finished) and then walked down to the school to pick up the boys.. it was sooo nice to just go for the walk and it didn't have to be exercise but just to get out into the nice weather.

I didn't have my pedometer on for the PT with Crusher but I managed 8061 steps with the other walking for the day so I was pretty pleased with myself.

Saturday
Got up early and did the grocery shopping.

When we got back from grocery shopping we went for a bike ride with the boys to the library to take back some books and get some more and had an icecream... the wind was in our way the whole way back and the boys were sooo tired woohooo meant they would go to bed really well.

Got home and got ready for my work Xmas function.


We had a fabulous night. I must say it wasn't as good as the gym Xmas party but it was on par. The food sucked (which in a way was fantastic as then I didn't eat too much he he he). We danced the night away again and my top at the front was soaking wet he he he.

I got home around 12.40 after dropping Debbie off... with sore knees argghhh

Sunday
Got up early because we were taking hubby's Dad our Skeet Shooting because we said back in June for his 60th birthday present we would take him but the weather and his Dad's schedule didn't match he he he.

We did it today woohooo and I was one of them doing it. Corbin and Quinn had a little go with a 22 with a sight on it to hit one of the balloons on strings and so did some of the other kids that were there. It was all controlled and the boys had some fun... they only had one shot each but it was enough to make them smile.

I wasn't going to have a go but I did and so did hubby's stepmother too we were chuffed.

The idea of the game was that everyone had a go and if you hit a balloon you got to have another go until there was no one left. I got a balloon with my first shot woohoooo (and it was a windy day too). Hubby's Stepmother got her first and so did hubby and his brother and his dad woohooo but we all missed our second except for hubby's dad and he came second and this was our first time he he he

Then after lunch we had a go with the rifles and the skeets... OMG I was soooo nervous and my first shot I hit the skeet WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I missed the second because I think I was shaking too much and my shoulder was a little sore as the gun has a huge kick back. But I got my third skeet and split it woohooo. I only had 5 turns as I just wanted to try it but not exactly do a lot he he.

I had a great day and was glad it was another thing under my belt for this year. Sometimes it isn't how much you lose but how much it changes your life for the better.
As you can see below these are the balloons that we had
to hit and they were a long way away too but I did it I got one woohooo.
So here I am with the 22 and the sight shaking like you wouldn't believe
because I had about 10 people behind me watching and I had
never shot a gun before.. I really enjoyed it though.
Below is Granddad and Corbin looking at the broken skeets and bullet shells
and Granddad was explaining them to Corbin and also going through all the safety stuff
to make sure he knows it is not a game and to be careful etc.

Here is hubby looking like a real pro woohoo

Can you see the joy in my face OMG I actually hit my fit skeet but OMG OMG my shoulders felt like someone had hit me with a hammer he he he that is why I am holding my shoulder... But I hit my first skeet on my first try woohoooo.

Can you see my skeet up in the right hand corner.... I got it but hubby didn't take the photo at the right time he he he he but I got it. They are bright orange like the guys jacket.

All in all I had the most fabulous day and learnt something else that I wouldn't have done a year ago. That is 7 things I have achieved this year. Roll on next year and some more challenges. Debbie and I want to do some Kayaking next Christmas so I am going to be building up for that next year.

Good night everyone

Love Chubbymum

Thursday, 30 November 2006

Don't know what to write

I am still hesitant to write in here what I am feeling... and last night I wrote and re-wrote my post so much that I deleted it in the end.

I am feeling so much more positive about my weight loss in the last couple of weeks. It is like a free feeling!

I have been reading more about weight loss lately because I want to have as much inspiration as I can get. I also brought the book off trademe that KT was talking about Geneen Roth... she certainly makes you think.

I have been thinking about things she says in it like sometimes if you are craving something you should just have a little bit of the thing you are craving or nothing else will satisfy and you. Then you will end up eating more and in the last couple of weeks I have been trying to do just that and Monday night at 9pm I wanted a cheese toasty and hubby said you have had your dinner and you don't need anymore.

He was right but I wanted it and for the next day I wanted it and it got to Tuesday night and we talked about it and he made a cheese toasty and then we went halves and that satisfied my craving... and then that was it I have felt better for it since and I have not craved for anything since... maybe sometimes we just have to have a little bit (in moderation) and then we won't pig out.

I am trying to really notice things like that lately and so far I have liked what I am feeling and how I am coping with it. What a great book KT thanks.

I am going to a PT session with Crusher tonight with Debbie... we are having a double PT with Crusher to make up for the Lean.

Then Debbie and I are going out to Chartwell to do some shopping for our Secret Santa at work... and also have kebabs for dinner yummmyyyy. I can't wait I haven't had a girly thing like that in ages. I must admit I feel a little bit guilty as I don't exactly feel like I have been spending enough time with hubby lately either and last night at the kickboxing class I think he was a little upset that I paired up with Debbie and not him but she asked first... what was I supposed to say no sorry I have to go with hubby.. not that I didn't want to go with hubby just I hate being caught in the middle.

I think what I need to do is try and make our weekends for family and him so that I do give him as much time as I can and spend time during the week with Debbie and other friends. It is hard sometimes to juggle everyone and I hate upsetting everyone. But my family have to come first as I don't want to upset my family as they are important to me and I wouldn't give them up for anything in this world.

Anyway better go and sort out the boys as I have to take Quinn's friend home and get to the gym woohoo.

Love Chubbymum

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

Taking it all in

I have taken the last 5 days to think about all this.

I am not going to tell Sgt Major anything!! I have decided it is his problem and I do not have to get involved... If he is reading then it is his problem and if he doesn't like what I say then that is too bad too.

I have never said anything but the fact that I don't like his style of training for me and if he is getting anything other than that from someone else then he is an idiot for believing something he hasn't read himself.

I have still been blogging but for me only so that I don't forget what I have done in my days.

I am still quite angry about the whole situation because I have had to change my life as I don't want to deal with her anymore. I know that is my decision and that others would have stayed in the group even though she was there but I am finally losing weight... and it feels good and having her not in my life is a big huge change for the better! I don't want to change that. I don't want to go back to the competing with her as she likes that and does better for it but I do not!

I go for my weigh in tonight... not too sure about what will happen but I haven't been too bad.

I have 600 grams to get to my 5th stone OMG I hope I make it... but if not I will make it later!

I have a new workout week now. Instead of Lean twice a week I have the following workout:

Monday night: New Program from Crusher it is a killer but it is a program that both Debbie and I have to do together as it has kickboxing in a pair with punches etc.. quite liking it so far.

Wednesday: Kickboxing class with Crusher

Thursday: Personal Training with Crusher for both Debbie and I

Friday: Personal Training just me with Crusher.

Sunday: Our Program from Crusher

So I am pretty pleased with that weekly line up and in about six weeks Debbie and I can re-evaluate it and change it. To be quite honest I feel like I am doing more with exercise than I did with Lean... Lean was fantastic for meeting such wonderful people but I get more of a sweat up with the personal training and the ones with Debbie as I think I try harder.

Tomorrow night after doing our first double PT session with Crusher Debbie and I are going out for Kebab's and some Christmas shopping. We are doing the secret santa at work and Debbie and I are going out to buy something for our secret santa's... it is going to be soooo much fun.

I haven't done the girly thing like that for a while. Poor Debbie keeps asking me to go out but with work, kids and hubby life is sooo hectic and I find enough time for exercise but it takes it away from the family so juggling is sooo hard for me.

I finished all my Christmas shopping on Saturday and hubby brought me my anniversary present and so we put it up... it was a swing for outside... that fits 3 people on it. So nice. It goes really well with the colour of our house hmmmm and relaxing too.

OMG OMG OMG I am nervous about the weigh in tonight... wish me luck. I will come and update later on.

Love Chubbymum

::::::::::UPDATE::::::::::::
I lost tonight!!! 600 grams and it took me to my
5th STONE
Woohooo I got my
5th STONE OMG OMG OMG.
I have now lost 31.5 kilos... guys I am on a roll!
I am free and I am feeling like nothing can stop me.
I am now at 123.2 and I am on my way to getting under the 120's...
So my next hurdle is 119.
That is 3.3 kilos to go.
My 35 kilo lost will take me to 119.7... so here I come!!

Monday, 27 November 2006

Private - Comments and feeling down

I have lost motivation in the last 2 days.

I have eaten whatever I liked and felt like crap!! I have done the wrong thing and my weight loss is going to suffer on Tuesday and everytime I look at Debbie I can see the weight falling off her!! It bloody sucks is all I can say and it is making me feel even more down in the dumps.

I know it is my fault and not hers because I have to sort it out in my own head

Breakfast
Berry Smoothie

Morning Tea
Vege chips (3.5 points)

Lunch
1 roll
Left over casserole
Ginger Crunch (OMG I shouldn't have eaten this).

I have had two bottles of water though.. but that isn't a consolation.

I miss posting... but I am scared to post because things are getting back to Daniel and others and I am not sure who the culprit is and I am not happy about it.

I went to the gym yesterday and Hubby and I met Debbie there but I wasn't in to it and I hated it to tell the truth... I didn't want to anything.. I don't want to go tonight and feel the same way. I want to go and work my arse off and stop being negative. I know what Crusher means when I start getting negative it is a bad thing for me... it hinders me and I don't want it to.

At weight watchers I weigh 123.8 and I have to get under the 120's.. OMG what is stopping me I know I can do this and in the last couple of weeks I have proven it but I tend to do really well one week and then the next I think hmmm I am doing well lets cheat a little. But then when I am too strict I can't seem to lose the weight either.

I am making myself soooo upset over this bloody piece of ginger crunch and I want to talk to someone about it but then I don't want to tell anyone that I brought it and then sat in the car where no one could see me to eat it.. how desparate and strange is that?

I have so many comments saying that I should confront Daniel about all this but I don't want!! I shouldn't have to explain myself... I don't honestly care what he thinks. I have not said anything that would have hurt him I feel. I have said I didn't want him as a trainer and he wasn't right for me but that is it and if he is going to listen to Kris about this then he is a fool and that is the end of that subject.

Now on to this business... What am I to do? I am being lazy and not going fast on buying this franchise business because of being scared... OMG I can do this!! What is stopping me. It is a good business and money is coming in so why am I scared... maybe because my mum always makes me feel like I should never take risks so I don't and I have had that drummed in to my head since I was little so any challenge is making me more and more doubt myself. I did that with my jobs too... I always stuffed up and I always did as little as possible in my job and so that stuffed things up for me. I sucked in Advance investments... I couldn't get anything right. I was a bad employee in Payments and Fraser knew that and deep down I knew it too. I just wanted the money but didn't give a damn about the job.

Why do I do it I don't know! I don't want to be a stuff up... and I want to succeed but using my families money to do this business and then not doing it right that I loose the business then I am going to have my family know that I am a screw up.

Positive Positive is what people keep on saying to me... obviously I don't come across as a positive person so I have to work on that. How do I become more positive?

I am being more honest now that I am not writing to everyone out there and writing in here to myself... and to be quite honest I don't know if I want to go back to public writing because then I get all the trouble happening again.

What to do? What to do?

Chubbymum

Sunday, 26 November 2006

Private - What to write?

I don't know what to write in here today...

I am feeling angry and I am tired and I am feeling bloated and bitchy!!!

I have eaten too much this weekend and I won't be losing weight this week.

I drank too much V this week too.. Why do I do that? Whenever things are going well I start going back to my bad habits.

I don't know know what to do with my life... am I lazy? I feel like I am.

We have this amazing opportunity to buy this franchise business and make some good money (never getting rich I don't think) but good money for not much work but I think I am doing the lazy thing and because I only work part time I think I am happy that I have two days to do what I want and not what everyone else wants but with Mum living with us I don't really get to do what I want most of the time anyway as I have to take mum places.

I love my mum!! I want to do things with her but I spend more time with her than anyone I know spends with their mum and I still feel like a little child with her and that I can't do what I want in my life...

Yesterday was a good day... it was busy and relaxing at the same time.

We got up early and went shopping at The Warehouse to get the rest of our Xmas presents as we didn't want to be spending weeks and weeks getting the presents or even waiting till the last moment.

We got $150 in vouchers from our hotpoints on the Visa... it is a great way to buy presents and not having to save for them for Xmas.

For Hubby's father and step mum we got a two person hammock and some lovely lamps with blue glass and citronella to go into the lamps.

For Hubby's brother we brought a repleca of the George Forman's grill.... I can't say that I wanted to buy him anything at all as last year we spent a lot on him and he didn't bother buying anyone any present at all not even the kids and OMG I was pissed. So he was bloody lucky that he got a present this year.

We also got a little rice cooker for Debbie to go with the ceramic necklace we brought for her.

Hubby brought me a lovely white satin night dress that feels soooo nice and comfy. He got two shirts and two shorts as well. There was a 30% discount at Warehouse which was even better.

We also brought ourselves a black swing for 3 people and a table and chairs to go on the side of the house by the boys play room too so that we can sit out in the sun out the back there. It looks sooo much better with that. All we need to do now is get rid of the dirt in the corner and finishing painting the fence and things will be sorted.

I am trying and trying to finish this and the cat keeps jumping up on my lap and trying to get on the laptop or he is behind my head on the couch trying to annoy me...

Saturday night we took mum to Bingo and took the boys to Shinjuku (Japanese restaurant) and they were little darlings and it was a really great night out with them. We had sushi and other stuff and the boys had Chicken Terriyaki and Tempura and I ended up spilling Miso soup all over me and rice and anything else that I was trying to put in my mouth he he he what a sight I looked

Friday, 24 November 2006

Private - Thoughts

I have been looking at my comparison photo on the side Jan 05 to Nov 06 and I can't get why I let myself get that bad... how did I let myself look like that.

Why didn't I see it? How could I not see how horrible I look.

I used to look at guys going down the street and think that they thought I was pretty and I was going on was that they were looking at my face... my face is the only thing I have ever seen for a long time as I am always told that I am such a pretty person and have a pretty face and that really sucks that I couldn't see until today that I had let myself get to an unbelievably ugly person on the outside. I know I shouldn't be saying that about myself but I look terrible in the photo with the green top and cream pants... not good at all!

I am still not looking good enough either. I need to get off my arse and stop all this crap and lose the fucken weight! I mean if Debbie can lose 13 kilos in 11 weeks so can I!!!

What is stopping me but ME!!!!

I need to find out what is happening with ME.

Chubbymum

Private - On top of the world

I feel good today.

I felt good when I got up this morning as I weighed 123.7 (on our scales when I woke up and recently in the last couple of weeks it didn't go below 125 so that is great).

I was really worried about going to the personal training with Joy this morning and at 8.30 Debbie phoned me to tell me about what was talked about. She said that Joy was happier this morning and that she had gotten over her anger by about 10 minutes. She also said that Joy had a huge talk with Kris and gave her a bollacking too. The thing is even if she does talk to Kris it wasn't going to change my mind as I am not going to go back to being friends with her and I am not going to go to Lean while she was there... It is just not going to happen.

So Debbie organised with Joy to do a PT with the both of us and we have worked out a day and time. It is going to be every Thursday at 6pm. I am sooo happy with that! I think it would be better for Debbie and I as I don't honestly think that we are working hard enough in Lean.

So when I got there Joy was all smiles and it felt quite strained... I didn't want to be told what to do again.. I back off when that happens and I don't want to end up hating Joy either.

She put me on the rower for 1000 metres and then I asked her if she could take me to get weighed. So last Friday I weighed 122.2 (on the gym scales) and this morning drum rolllllll..... 120.8 OMG that is 1.4 in a week and I am sooo happy with that. She didn't measure me though but that is ok we only need to do that once a month I reckon as it doesn't change that much.

I told Joy that I am happier because I am following everything that she said apart from the morning and afternoon teas as I want to eat when I am hungry and not feel like I am shoving food in my mouth all the time. So I think she seemed happy... the only thing was that really it had nothing to do with her and as long as I am happy then that should be it. I am finding it hard to make everyone happy and really I shouldn't be worried about what anyone thinks just need to concentrate on what I want and I think that is why in the last year I haven't lost because I have been doing it all for everyone else but me!!

So Joy did the following workout with me today:

10 minutes Bike
10 minutes Cross Trainer (1 min level 1, 1 min level 4)

15 Swiss ball squats
Up and down the stairs
30 second fast kickboxing punches
(all the above x 4)

15 Swiss ball sit ups not putting head down between
10 pushups
(the above x 4)

10 minutes Treadmill
(1 minute walking at level 5.5, 1 minute jogging level 7)

Then stretches

When I got off Jackie (one of the older ladies there) and a lady I didn't know said "OMG you like look like a real runner when you run. Your technique is amazing. I said "you are joking" and then Jackie said "I was thinking the same thing" it was fantastic to hear... I felt like I was blushing. It was a great thing.

I feel on such a high today with the compliment and with the fact that I lost 1.4 kgs on Joy's scales.

I went out and got my nails done and felt even more like a woman. I think since losing this weight I have been feeling more feminine... when I started gaining the weight after our wedding I was wearing anything baggy to make me feel better about myself and T-Shirts and anything that looked good on me even though I was feeling soooo bloated all the time and not feeling pretty so I didn't want photos taken or not even getting dressed up for things.

Tracking today

Breakfast
2 Toast
Chopped Egg
Coffee

Lunch
Chicken Salad with everything in it.
V

Afternoon Tea
2 Mallowpuffs

Dinner
Steak
Vege Stirfry
WW Hot Chips
1 Mallowpuff

Not working for me

I have re-read my blog and I have taken some posts out!

I am having doubts about writing in here now!

The reason being that Crusher said that Sgt Major has read or been told that I am writing not so nice stuff about him in my blog. I re-read all my posts that had him in it and all that I had said was that I know he is a nice guy but his style of training was not one that I liked and don't want him to train me... and apparently he is upset that I put nasty things on my blog and that other people are reading it.

OMG I was hurt about it because I know everyone that is reading my blog and if anyone from here is telling lies it makes me feel really uncomfortable writing in here at all anymore. I feel like this friendship breakup is spiralling and now it is making me feel uncomfortable.

I am feeling really unhappy about it.. Debbie seems to think that it is someone else (that isn't reading my blog causing problems) and now I don't want to have my blog anymore! My husband thinks that it is Kris causing the problems as Sgt Major is her trainer. I don't know what I think anymore and have been really upset about it all for days.

I want this blog to be able to get support and to write what I am feeling so I don't hold anything in as that is bad for me but if I am going to be scared to say how I am feeling then I don't want to write here anymore. I mean that is the reason I passworded it because I was feeling like that.

I don't think I am a nasty person! I don't think that I have intentionally said anything bad about Sgt Major! I know I have said some things about Kris but that is how I was feeling and that is what my blog was for!

Chubbymum