Tuesday, 29 November 2005
I have been back almost two weeks and I still feel like I haven't come down back to earth.
I went for my weigh in tonight all ready to gain weight. I haven't been tracking... I haven't been to the gym.... but I lost 100grams. I have been making better choices and not doing anything that I shouldn't but felt like I hadn't really tried. All I can say at least I lost and not gained. So I have to work my backside off this week.
I have something that I am going to try till the end of the year but I am not going to write it down here or tell anyone. It is for me.... as I have to work out what is going to do it for me so I have a project for me so I can get back to me and not everyone else in my life. I have lost sight of me in this process.
I had a really good chat with my WW team leader tonight and she has given me some things to think about.
I haven't been interested in the gym or anything related. I have a handle on my food I think.. if I didn't I would have gained this week for sure. I think my problem is water and exercise and I have to get my mojo back with it.
I have been reading Helena's diary and OMG she is going through the same thing.... I am not satisfied or something with the way I am doing things... maybe I need to find something else that will keep me going on this journey... Just like Helena I am not posting as much in my diary either and that isn't good as it isn't getting it out. So for a start I am going to try and get back to posting here and getting some of my inspiration back and to start reading the diary's again.
Love ya all
Sunday, 27 November 2005
Today I finished most of my xmas shopping. I have stocking fillers to do for the kids but that is it really. Hubby and I are getting bikes for Xmas but thought we would buy ours after xmas and when I am feeling relaxed to go and try some out. I feel that if I am going to buy a bike then I have to be in the right frame of mind. I still feel really big for a bike and I don't want to spend money on a bike if I don't feel comfortable on it.
My mind has been playing tricks on me in the last couple of weeks. I have gotten out of the gym routine and finding it really hard to get the motivation to get back into it. I have still been good with the food. I haven't been tracking as such with points but I haven't been eating badly and I have not been overdoing it. But I feel like I need to get realistic about it again and get back on track. I think the holiday ruined me a little as it felt good to be normal again on holiday.
I went out to dinner with the social club for a xmas dinner last night at a Turkish restaurant and didn't overdo the food at all but alcohol was a different story.
It felt fabulous to be able to wear jeans and a nice shirt last night. I felt like a normal person. I brought some jeans from Farmers and they feel comfortable and they feel normal and last night going out with my jeans and a new black top with black shoes I felt like ohhhh I can't describe how I felt but I didn't have to wear black pants like I normally do. Relaxed is maybe the feeling?? Hubby was wearing his jeans and a black shirt too... and no we didn't look like twins but we did look like a normal couple... some people would think that I am being strange but for me the little things are the main thing.
It will be interesting to see what my weight is this week with not tracking!
How do I get my mojo back?
This weather is strange this weekend. It can't make up it's mind. One minute it is pouring down with rain and the next it is sunny but freezing outside. What is up with that?
Anyway love ya all
Wednesday, 23 November 2005
Quinn was not himself at creche today and I was worried about him all day. He said he had a headache so (I was working at the creche today) we gave him panadol. Then by the afternoon he had a temperature of 38.9 which worried the hell out of me. Got him to the doctors at 4.30 and he has an ear infection and tonsilitis GRRR poor wee man he was all pale and realllllly hot and he just wanted to be cuddled.
I told Kris that I wasn't going to the gym tonight because he was just not in good shape. I did go up and see my brother in law though because hubby made me feel a little guilty as I didn't go up last night to see him. So went up tonight and he is looking so much better but the poor thing everytime he wants to move it hurts him so much that he is in agony and his friend went to check out his Ducate Motorcycle and apparently it is a right off and in pieces OMG OMG. He wasn't insured as it had lapsed about a month ago and he couldn't afford to keep it going as he has only just gotten back to work after getting back to NZ.
Food wise I have been really good but not going to the gym will hinder me a little but to be honest this last week has been too much for me and the gym is just too much to fathem at the moment.
I should be going tonight but worried about Quinn and my brother in law I am feeling too much like sitting in my bed and crying my head off. I am feeling overwelmed REALLY overwelmed this week. I know that I have been on a holiday and I should be feeling on top of the world but my world feels like it has crashed in to a heap in the last week and I can't control it.
So my exercise will have to get back next week. I am not in a race with people so one week shouldn't be a problem. I am not giving up that is for sure! I am just being realistic in the fact that my life has to have some balance again before going back to the same routine.
I can't wait to do these wedding invitations. I also have another little thing happening at the moment and I might be going into business with someone but me as a silent partner and it is a big thing... it will be up at the new shopping complex the base. It is all int he drawing board at the moment but you never know. Being a silent partner (moneywise) we can still keep our jobs but have a little nest egg going as well. But all will happen when it happens.
Anyway I have just had a bourbon and coke to relax me and now I will go and organise dinner as the kids are asleep and we can relax now. So if this page doesn't make sense it is because my hands are relaxed and I am feeling GOOD he he he he.
P.S Kris thanks for understanding about tonight... I am sorry to let you down but I couldn't leave Quinn with a temperature like that. LoVe ya my Friend.
P.S.S Happy Birthday Janine. I sent you an email this morning and I hope you got it.
Tuesday, 22 November 2005
Well today was a really fast and interesting day. My work asked me to come in and relieve in the under two year olds today and so I agreed. OMG I was a little nervous especially when I am their financial administrator but with having two kids hey I know about kids. I had a fun day today with the babies. It went really fast and I enjoyed talking to the girls in there and I loved the babies. But..... it makes me realise that I DO NOT want to go through the baby stage again that is for sure.
I was buggered when I got home though and I think the last week has just caught up on me.
Well anyway I went to Weight Watchers tonight and I had so many people come up to me saying they missed me and just LOVED my hair and I looked so rested and content and I should go on holiday more often. It was great being back there that is for sure. I have made some good friends there and I feel like they understand what I am going through that is for sure.
I went there tonight all ready to gain weight as I knew that I had been bad with not tracking for part of the holiday and the alcohol was not good either he he he but hey it was a holiday. So I hopped on the scales and I lost 400grams he he he OMG 400grams I just couldn't believe my eyes that I had lost. I am so pleased with that. And I got my monthly this morning and I have gained all other monthly's by 300grams to 600grams so with having my monthly I still lost too wohooo.
So tomorrow is back on track time. I went on a holiday and lost weight now I wouldn't have believed that in a million years before going on weight watchers.
Anyway going now as I am ready for bed... got to start catching up on my sleep.
Love ya all
Sunday, 20 November 2005
Had a long day.
Got the job today for doing a lady's wedding Wohooooo so my partner and I are soooo happy.
Went shopping for paper for the wedding.
Went up to see my brother in law today and there is no change and he spent most of the time out of it... it was so upsetting.
Went and did the groceries too arghhhh
So I am a little tired after all that. It doesn't sound like much but from 9am till 6pm I was out and about and I have had enough.
Feeling quite drained.
Love you all and I should be back at the gym tomorrow arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
feeling depressed and drained :-(
Saturday, 19 November 2005
But at lunch time we got a phone call from hubby's mother saying that the police have just been to see her and my brother in law has been in a motorbike accident.
So we went and got hubby's mum as she was in no state to drive and when we got there I got a bit teary eyed as it brought back memories of my Dad and of him being in the HDU and then dying... so I was a little emotional. My brother in law has broken his ankle and they think he has lost one of his kidneys and his liver is damaged as well. Plus he has scraped one side of his back a couple of layers of skin. My husband and his mother aren't emotional sort of people and they were quite composed... I don't quite get it sometimes but when hubby and I were in the HDU with him he stroked his brothers head and then that set me off again... it was a really emotional thing and I knew then that he was worried about his brother.
So we came home around 4pm and had dinner and then went back for a little while and now have left him to have a rest and recoup. I hope everything goes well. He is the only brother in law I have and I wouldn't want to lose him for nothing in this world.
Eating has been ok today. Had so much fun with my camera and here are some photos.
Thursday, 17 November 2005
Just got back from buying a camera! I brought a Nikon SLR Digital camera with two lenses. Woohoooo. I have a normal SLR camera but it just costs too much to develop the pictures that I don't use it too much anymore so there was a big sale on here in Hamilton so we bit the bullet as to speak. I have to wait till the battery charges before I can use it but it is sooooo exciting that is for sure.
I know that we are going to be broke for ever after the holiday and then buying the camera but we would use the camera... we use our little digital camera like you wouldn't believe.
So again I am on a high!!
Once the battery is charged and I am looking like a human he he he I will take a photo of my hair cut... personally I don't find that there is anything different but people keep commenting. I haven't got my hair behind my ears and that is the only difference I reckon he he he but hey.
Went to a fish and chip night at the creche for my Quinns group and I was really good I took my own version of fish... Sushi with salmon etc he he he.. I felt really good about it... the boys all had fish and chips and I must admit I snuck a couple of crispy chips as I love the brown crispy ones but not enough to add too many points woohoo. I know that I will gain on Tuesday but hey I will start my journey again properly from next week.....not that I haven't been trying to be good though.
Love ya all
Wednesday, 16 November 2005
What an amazing day it has been today. I put on one of my new skirts today and did my hair up nicely as I had my hair cut and coloured while I was away and I got so many fantastic comments on my look today from all the girls at work and one lady said "you always dress so nicely". I walked into the school and I had two mothers stop me (I didn't know these ladies he he he) and they said that my hair looks fantastic. OMG I didn't think my hair cut and colour was that different.
Had a major meeting back at work at 5.30 tonight... big announcement but I can't say anything until first week of December to anyone. It was a major shock but not a bad one for me so that is good. I had been worried about it all day as we were asked to come back into work at 5.30 for a all staff meeting.... geesh everytime I have had to go to a meeting like that I have been made redundant... Glad to say that wasn't the case this time.
Well while I was away Tania (my business partner for the invitations business) has been a busy lass. She has got two possiblities for wedding invitations and one is realllllly keen so we might be off on this business sooner than I thought woohoooo.
I can't wait to get back to the gym that is for sure. I have been really bad food wise with cheeses and antipasto while away. I have walked heaps but decided that I needed the holiday from food but still be sort of good. So I expect to gain on Tuesday but was good today with a salad and not overdoing it with food so hey what happens.... happens... but Yep there is a BUT! but it is my own fault if I gain but I have to get back to it. I have been doing a lot of sole searching lately and I know I will get back to it but I am not going to push myself to be up to what others are doing... I am going to get some more kilos off!!!
Back on to it tomorrow! Not too sure when I am starting back at the gym. With only 3 hours of sleep I am little bit fatigued.
Anyway good night everyone
Sunday, 13 November 2005
I was soooo happy
Needless to say I was H.A.P.P.Y
Today we went to the Dandenong Ranges today and saw some beautiful birds as shown below. It was so peaceful. We went to where there weren't too many tourists and the birds were friendlier... ahhhh so nice.
I thought they were absolutly georgeous. There is another photo of me holding one on my arm below he he he he. There is that bloody T-Shirt again. I swear I do wear other things he he he.
It was a relaxing day that is for sure. We went to the St Kilda markets and walked around there and got a lot of Christmas presents so that was excellent to get that over and done with.
We didn't manage to get on any of the rides but we went in to explore and watch all of them screaming he he he. Our boys would have loved to go on some of them that is for sure.
I think I have had enough of shopping he he he but I did enjoy being able to spend money for a change as that doesn't normally happen at home.
Christine and Stephen were out of action for Friday and Saturday as they some how how food poisening which in a way gave Jero and I a chance to spend some time together. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with them but having out wedding anniversary day and the day after was nice for us to have on our own.
I have over eaten in the last two day but have come to the conclusion that I don't really care. We haven't been on a holiday in so long and to go and do and eat things without worrying is ok. So if I gain then that is fair enough and I will just have to try harder in the next couple of weeks.
I am looking forward to getting home now to see the boys and my friends. I do miss them heaps and being in our own bed and not worrying if we want to go to bed early or just sit in PJ's for the night is something I miss. The relaxing sort of thing.
I don't know what we are going to be doing tomorrow. Christine and Stephen go back to work and we are deciding whether we are going to go into town and catch a tour bus or just relax and enjoy doing nothing hmmmm not too sure. I have accomplished everything that I set out to do here and more. So that is great!!!
We had a fabulous dinner last night. We thought we would cook for Christine and Stephen and so we did the weight watchers receipe of Chilli and Lime Chicken Skewers with Chilli Leguini (that we brought from a olive shop) OMG OMG it was just the yummiest yummiest thing ever.
And I had a FEW too many drinks with them too. I was gone by 10pm he he he as I haven't drunken so much in a long time.
Anyway if I think of anything else I will come back online later.
Love ya all
Friday, 11 November 2005
Phoned home to check on things and mum was saying that Tania has been phoning everyday to check on things and that she phoned to ask mum what was happening with Corbin's glasses and said that if they have phoned to say that they are ready then she will take Corbin down there to sort it out. I said to her that we would do it when we get back but she is doing it... WHAT a wonderful friend she is. It has made being on holiday fantastic to know that friends are looking out for my family..... that is what real friends do that is for sure.
Christine and I decided to have a girly day today and the boys were going to have fun out with each other. So we headed off (in Stephen's car arghhh) to one of the big shopping malls. I have never driven in Australia before so it was a novelty that is for sure. We arrived at the mall and found a hairdressor around 12 (lunch time) and they could fit us in. We had a colour and cut and a head massage and treatment and felt like royalty that is for sure. Then we went out shopping and brought some new clothes.... it is fantasitc to finally find some big shops... wooohooo we went to 1626 and My size and I brought 2 skirts, 2 singlets, and top from 1626 and it was fantastic. I can believe that I brough 2 skirts as I am not usually a skirt person but hey. They had a pink and a white one that the girls loved on me but I am not really a pink person and I always feel really big in white but apparently these looked fantastic so heyyyyyy.
Thanks Kathryn for the names of shops... he he he we managed to find them before I read your comment... BUT thanx. This weather is amazing.. it is like 3 seasons in one day. I enjoyed today being cooler than the last couple that is for sure.
Anyway back on track...
We got home to get dressed for our night out at Dracula's and it was the most amazing time and the atmosphere was fantastic.... I haven't laughed so much in my whole life.... the show was fantastic! The staff were fantastic and the food as well. We laughed so much I think I have sore tummy now he he he. I will post the photo tomorrow if I can work out how to take a photo of the photo he he he. We finished there at about 11pm. I would recommend them for anyone that wants a really good night! It was only $55 and it was worth every penny of it. You get a three course meal and a show as well and so worth it.
It is now 12.48 in the morning and we are watching Rocky Horrow Picture show.
Have a good day tomorrow everyone. Will hopefully catch you on Saturday as tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and won't be taking my laptop with me :-(
Love ya all
Wednesday, 9 November 2005
I really like this photo of hubby and me. I know I am still big but I have done so much walking that I feel I am on my way. (white is also not very flattering he he he).
So anyway that was one of the hats I got... I quite enjoyed wearing it.
We went for dinner up behind us in the picture that night after getting dressed up (picture below he he he).
The restaurant was really lovely and then we walked over the bridge and down towards the casino.. it was so peaceful and the lights of the city were amazing. I wished that I had taken my camera to take a picture of it.. We watched the water fall going up and down with lights and playing little tricks and we also saw this amazing flame show on top of these pedestals.. it was really hard to explain but it was soooooo hot and really interesting to watch. Went to the casino too but didn't stay too long as my friends that we stayed with didn't really gamble. Thought we might go back there on Friday night without them.
I haven't been in high heel shoes for such a long time that all the walking that night in high heels killed me.
I felt sooooo skinny in the brown top above and I felt on top of the world going out for dinner. I must say thought being on holiday is good but not knowing how much I have lost or gained is really killing me as I feel good but I don't know if the dinners that we have been eating are all that good. I just have to keep telling myself that I am having a good time and we haven't been on a holiday like this since we have been together. We didn't even have a honeymoon really as we had 12 other people (over 50) with us touring around New Zealand as I had family from Bermuda over.
Anyway that was Tuesday
We went shopping in the factory outlet shops today and it was amazing. The makeup store was SOOO cheap for the name brand stuff I just couldn't believe it. Jeremy managed to get some nice outfits for such a good price too. I cannot for the life of me find any shop that has big size clothes that aren't going to cost me the earth. I found a really nice shop called something like for me or Just for me but the tops were like $59 for one and it was sort of t-shirty and I am not going to pay that sort of price when you consider the exchange rate.
But I managed to get some nice sunglasses and a handbag as mine broke as we have been buying too much he he he. Brought a cd too by James Blunt back to bedlam oohhhhhh so nice. I am listening to it on my laptop while typing this. It has that song Your'e Beautiful.... soooo peacful sitting at their kitchen table looking out to the back garden with the sun shining through. So peaceful. I forgot what it was like without screaming kids wanting attention all the time. I don't have times like this often and I am enjoying it.
Forgot to mention it was 31.5 degrees here today ARGHHHHHHHHHH I hate the heat with passion and this I could not stand for days on end he he he. Thursday is supposed to be between 19 and 22 degrees or something like that... now that I can handle he he he
Went out to a lovely restaurant called Santarini it was a Greek restaurant OMG OMG was it delicious but I was so full after it that I wanted to DIE he he he. I think Steven (my friends husband) relaxes more at night time. We had a great conversation going on and it was such a pleasant night. We went for a small walk down to the bay and saw a possum going across the path and then it just went to the bottom of the tree and sat watching us. It was quite a weird thing because in New Zealand that are pests and you can kill them but Stephen was telling us they are protected in Australia so they weren't afraid of us. It was so cute to see it sitting there... sometimes you wonder why anyone would want to kill this lovely animal. I know that they can be a pest to the environment in New Zealand but if you think of it so can some humans but we don't kill them. Hmmm just a thought.
I got a whole new lot of moisturiser, toner, mask, day/night creme today too. I have never in my life brought the whole set at once. I usually get it when I can afford it and usually it is just moisturiser that I have but with the prices over here for them I went and did woohoooo so I went through the whole routine and it was fantastic to feel such a soft face. They have a place over here called Priceline and it is amazing for makeup and hair and all that sort of stuff. In New Zealand for the lot I got would have been I reckon $200 but I spent $80 and that was fantastic. I am tempted to get a second lot so it lasts me a long time. I haven't had a reaction from the product so I might just do that as it will be a while till I get back here ho hum.
Anyway going to sign off now...
Love ya all
Monday, 7 November 2005
What a full on day it was today. We slept in till 8am (10am in New Zealand) Thought we would do the Melbourne City today and Chris and Stephen are like major walkers ARGHHH thought I would die but I did really well.
Walked to the train station which is about 4-5 kms away from their house and that was good so I got my exercise and caught the train into town. There were so many things to see. We went to the information centre first to see if we could get tickets to see the Lion King and NO we couldn’t so we tried another place and they were sold out too. But that is ok we did leave it pretty late so what do we expect he he he. Went shopping after that…everyone was going so fast in the walking and I just wanted to look at every shop but Stephen doesn’t really like shopping that much so I might go shopping on a day that he isn’t coming just so that I can go and look at things and not feel rushed. It is quite weird really… I really appreciate my hubby so much now because he doesn’t worry about the shopping he just goes and we chat while we shop which is great.
We brought so many DVD’s today because there is a great shop out here with great DVD’s as in New Zealand we would pay twice the amount they pay here so needless to say we went wild.
My feet are really sore from all the walking. We started at 9am and didn’t finish till 5pm and we only stopped for lunch for ½ an hour OMG OMG and I have been sweating like a pig too with the heat as it is much hotter here in Melbourne.
Clothes here are SOOO expensive compared to New Zealand that I am not too worried if I buy too many clothes over here but tomorrow might be good as we are going to the big Victoria Market woohooo and then to dinner at the Casino and you can imagine what else we are going to do there he he he he.
I am doing so much in the way of walking and water that I feel that I will lose weight over here.. probably not 4 kilos that I want to lose but hey at least I am getting the exercise. I can’t wear my glasses that much because I am sweating he he he. I am so happy with myself. Chris and Stephen don’t have big meals either so that is fantastic because I am not overeating.
The thing my tummy isn’t liking is that the time difference they have lunch at 1 which is 3 at home so my tummy is playing some tricks on me today but all is good.
I phoned the boys at home tonight and was crying like anything my oldest Corbin said he missed me heaps and when was I coming home and I choked. My youngest Quinn said “I was good today mum with nana and we made a cake” so that was fantastic.
I still worry that mum is ok without us there with the kids as it is a lot for a 74 year old but it is good that we can get some time away to ourselves. I brought my hubby’s anniversary present today 7 Dvd’s so he is a happy little camper that is for sure.
We are going to Dracula’s cabaret restaurant on Thursday so that should be really interesting. It looks like fun.
We saw so many interesting things in Melbourne today like the picture below with these three men at an intersection and they are made of bronze and they were so funny I had to take a photo of them.
Aren't they just interesting he he
The next photo was of people making sandcastles in the middle of Melbourne it was fascinating and OMG how amazing it was for them to do that in the middle of the city. It looks like they have just started doing them but when they are finished it will be fantastic.
The next photo is of Hubby in front of Federation square. Some of the artitecture is fantastic over here in Melbourne... What an interesting place.
Anyway that is me for today. Tomorrow it is just me and hubby and my friend Chris so it should be great and not so rushy rushy. Wohooo
Love ya all
Sunday, 6 November 2005
WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I got into the seat on the plane without an extension WITHOUT an extension and I swear the lady next to me thought I was sick because I kept smiling because I didn’t have to ask for an extension and I was worried all week about it and if I would be comfortable in a plane.
I did feel uncomfortable in the plane with taking off and landing and that was only because of fear!! Now isn’t that silly I have traveled half my life with my parents but now that I have a family it is like a fear that the plane will crash and I won’t have that life anymore and what is going to happen to my kids and it just keeps running through my head.
The turbulence before landing was horrible as we were going through this thick clouds but it was a relief to land and meet our friends and their smiling faces.
Woohooo on holiday!!!! That is all I can say!!!
Have a great one and off shopping tomorrow that is going to be exciting.
Love ya all
Saturday, 5 November 2005
So attached are the photos of what we decided for our business cards. We have two different coloured ones, one for Hokitika (where Tania is going for a year in November) and one for Hamilton (where I am).
The other two that I designed didn’t turn out too nice when printed as they went really dark so these look really good and they are in the colours that we both like. It is quite nice that there was a compromise and that we both got the sort of flower that represent us. Mine is the sun flower one he he he. We have given out a couple of them to my work mates that are going to be having weddings in the next couple of years he he he.
So anyway this is the second update I will leave ya with that.
Got up early had breakfast and went and got groceries and then had lunch. Decided to get some French bread and slice it up and put tuna and tomatoes on it… it was sooo yummy.
Then went to Farmers with my mum and put $200 on her account for her birthday at the end of November so that she could buy something for herself. If I give her money she just spends it on Bingo and I want her to buy something for herself so that was a way of making sure she does.
While I was there I was sooooo naughty he he he. I couldn’t afford it but I saw some jeans (Wohooooooooooo some jeans) some of you girls that were big like me will understand how hard it is to get jeans for bigger people and these were so comfy.
And I also got some pin stripe black and brown three quarter pants (my hubby says they slim me down a lot) and a lovely brown top to go with it and a T-Shirt that had 20% off it.
OMG it felt so good. I just grabbed what I liked and went and tried them on and I liked ALL of them so thought what the hell and brought them. I know I should have kept the money for Melbourne but hey if I liked it then why not as I might not find anything in my size and nice over there that I like. I think the best thing about shopping after losing 20 kilos is that they fit!! Or they are too big!! I feel sexy now buying clothes.
We also went to the Duty Free shop to order our alcohol for when we come back in to NZ and some perfume for Tania as she is taking Corbin to and from school etc.
So now we are cooking a lovely roast pork dinner (got a big pork roast for $5 WOW as they were on special) and have some family time and then later on tonight we will let off some sparklers.
I have been good today with water and I haven’t over eaten so I feel like I am getting back on track again. I was thinking this morning that as long as I don’t ever go back under that 20 kilos that I have lost then I shouldn’t get myself so down and out. I have only gained 500 grams and I have still lost over 21 kilos and with all the walking that I will be doing over there and the heat then I will be doing good.
We go tomorrow OMG TOMORROW it is like unbelievable! Little worried about the plane trip as I haven’t been on a plane trip since 1999 when we took Corbin (at 3 weeks old) to Christchurch and you have to stop in Wellington and we hit major air pockets and rain and wind… it scared the hell out of me. Apparently after our plane had taken off they stopped all the flights after us GEESH!!!!
I know I am going to need a seat belt extension and that part is going to be the hardest thing to ask for! I don’t want to ask for it but I don’t think I am skinny enough yet to get away with it. I think that is what I have been fretting about in my mind because I don’t want to ask for a seat belt extension… I don’t want it to ruin my self esteem. Because if I have to ask for a seat belt extension then I am not as skinny as my mind is telling me…. I hope you understand that because it has taken a while for me to truly understand why in the last two weeks I have been so upset about the weight thing.
Thank you everyone for your comments. You don’t know how much they mean to me and how they make me realise that I have people out there going through the same thing and knowing how I am feeling.
Anyway since it is my last night before going away I won’t update again till later. I am taking my laptop to Melbourne so I might be able to upload to my diary at our friends house… if not………….
DON’T FORGET ME!!! I am only away for 10 days.
Friday, 4 November 2005
Very emotional night!! Sitting here angry with myself because I don’t know!!! I do know but don’t know!
I was doing so well with this weight loss and now I don’t… can’t be bothered! I try to be positive but it isn’t working!
It is not happening fast enough! I feel like I am failing in the last month! With my back being out I haven’t done exercise in 6 days and I am lethargic and angry! I can’t do anything until my back is better or it will never get better!
I feel like I am constantly wishing I was skinny! Sick of being bigger than everyone else!
Hating everything at the moment
Thursday, 3 November 2005
I think I have had enough of everything at the moment that I just need to get away from it all and do something different.
Sick of Xmas function’s, sick of work, sick of everything and I want to just be Chubbymum again.
I have been really good this week with food and with water and I am back on track because I am doing it for me!!! It feels good to be back on track again. I have had so many people tell me that my face looks different today and that I am looking so much more slimmer so that has been really good but I want to be able to feel it ya know.
The invitation business that I have gotten in to with a friend is going really well and my creative side is coming out. I feel so good with it and I really want to get some weddings so we can start making some money.
We have thought of a name and it is KIO Invitations (KIO is an acronym for Keep It Off because we met each other at Weight Watchers and we are wanting to keep the weight off so we though we would incorporate that… )
We are going to do all types of invitations like wedding, christenings, birthdays, and all the wedding things associated like thank you cards, place names and we are open to anything else related too.
It has got me all fired up and my mind has just been racing with things I want to do. I have been working out our business cards at the moment and I hope they will be good enough… sometimes I get so annoyed at myself as I want them to be perfect that they never look right he he he... so what do you think about the following?
Which one do you like? I don't know why I chose a flower because it isn't that I am fascinated by flowers or anything just that I thought it was elegant looking or something.
I get to show my friend tonight to see which one she likes on a card. I am not too sure what she will think... she is kind of a fussy person and she likes things the way she likes them. I did say to her that I would like to make a decision now and then he he he but sometimes I like that someone is in control as sometimes I can be the sort of person that starts something but doesn't finish and I get the feeling she likes finishing things so it might work out quite well. I just have to make sure that I tell her if I don't like something.
The only thing I want to make sure of is that I get to have my opinion listened to as most of the time I like go with the flow as long as I am being creative.
OMG I read this and think I am such a wimp... it isn't really the case it is just that I make so many decisions in my job and home life that sometimes decisions made for me is a welcomed change.
Anyway have lots to do before our holiday so I will write again soon.
Tuesday, 1 November 2005
I went to my weigh in tonight and only gained 200 grams and this week I have been off tracking and off exercise and I reallllly sucked liked you wouldn’t believe with it all. So I am happy with that gain because I deserved it.
I have been really soul searching about why I have not been bothered. I think that it is because I have too many challenges on. I am not going to do that anymore. Thank you for your comments re this because you are right and I have been thinking that way but I think I didn’t want to admit it.
I am doing this for me! I am doing this so I can lose weight and I didn’t realise that until I tried to make it a challenge.
I am back on top now and I am going to do this. I have had so many compliments from the photos up in the gym in the last two weeks and in a way I have sabotaged my weight loss because of all that. Well that is what I am thinking anyway.
Maybe it is because sometimes I can’t handle the attention and I am not saying that I don’t like attention but it is something I have to get used to and with all the people at the gym coming in and saying wow what a change etc it felt sooo overwhelming… and please don’t take it the wrong way it was nice, but it made me feel like I had achieved what I could achieve and it was the end… and I know that is my mind and I have to change it… but it isn’t going to happen anymore! I am going to really go hard with the gym when I get back from holiday and I am going to track like buggery.
I have to go to the gym and really stick to my program. I was losing really well when I was sticking to it and for the last two weeks I have not and it has been all over the place.
I have been hating going because I haven’t been doing enough exercise and on Sunday I really did more than just a few minutes on this and a few minutes on that and it was good. I think that is why I only gained 200 grams because on Sunday (before doing my back out) I really tried….. I had stopped doing the rower and I had stopped at 10 minutes on the bike because I was doing it with Kris (not that doing the exercise with Kris is a problem that is not what I am trying to say) I think I have to stop doing only what others think is enough. I have to start doing what I think is enough and push myself harder like I have been pushing Kris… I have to start pushing Chubbymum does that makes sense?.
I know that 10 minutes is all that Kris likes doing but it isn’t enough for me. I have to do my cardio and I have to get back on track.. it is not helping me to do less cardio. I haven’t done the treadmill for 3 weeks now and I haven’t done my rower like I was doing either and I am not going to do that anymore. I want to lose weight and cardio is the way to go!
So on my first week back I am going to go back to my exercise plan and I am going to go hard out for 6 weeks.
If you are reading this Kris I hope you understand that it isn’t you… it is just for me I need to push me more now as I need to get back to it! I am sabotaging myself! And it isn’t going to happen anymore. I still want to go to the Gym with you and do the kick boxing classes and be there but I am going to push myself more and I am going on the bike longer than you usually go on them for and I am going on the treadmill ok…
At my Weight Watchers meeting tonight it was certainly an interesting one… I got there and I had so many people trying to talk to me at once and there was a new lady that started and came over and talked to me and asked me how I have lost the 20 kilos and was like really asking questions about exercise etc so it was nice for me to help someone else out.
Also my Weight Watchers leader came and said to me that she would like to talk to me after the meeting OUCH I thought I was in trouble he he he and after the meeting she said “we have been talking about you and we would still like you to be a weigher on call, like when people are away or sick and that when the meeting starts one of the other ladies would take over.” So I could still listen to the meeting but I could still be a weigher as well and I am happy with that. I don’t want to miss the meetings but would love to do the weighing as well… so it is working out that is for sure.
I have to do this ladies!!! I have to do this!!! I don’t want my mind to think Woohoo you have got to your 20 kilos and that is it! I don’t want that!!!
I am going on this holiday and I asked the members at the Weight Watchers to help me think of ways to stick to plan… and I have already said to them that I am taking my sneakers so that I can walk my big backside off all over the place and not going to let myself get caught in the trap of no exercise and more food. It isn’t going to happen like that. I have 58 kilos more to lose and I have to keep sight of that as it is a long way to go still and I am not wanting to go back to 153.7 kilos anymore NO NO NO
Ok I have rambled on tonight but I have been bottling this up for the last week or so and I think having this time to think is good. I have pissed around and that is it!! I have had my couple of piss around weeks and now it is time to get back to plan!
I can do this!!
I just have to believe in myself again.