Thursday, 27 September 2007

Big big day for me... glad it is over he he

Busy day...

My days off are soo soo soo busy it is unbelievable.

When I type this I know it isn't going to seem as busy.

Got a phone call this morning from Chris saying she would love to have coffee with Lyn and I today and so I was looking forward to that. Lyn phoned just afterwards and she couldn't make it because of work committments which was fine. Chris decided that she needed to get back early and I could totally understand that too because it is a long drive with kids that is for sure.

Oh and we had coffee yesterday at Starbucks anyway so it wasn't like we didn't get to see each other. I must admit I would have enjoyed it more if my little brats didn't go.... they played up so much and I just wanted to throttle them by the end of it. They have NEVER been like that. Everytime we go out they know what is expected but they were like little terrors and OMG I just wanted to kick their butts......

Stole this photo from Chris's blog THANKS Chris he he he

So back to today....

Took my car to get a towbar and then took Jeremy in to work as I wanted his car for the day...Went and paid and got Corbin's new glasses... how fast were they. He has one eye that needs a stronger lense and the last glasses that one lense was thicker than the other one... well in these glasses you can't tell the difference it is BLOODDDYYY fantastic.

So once that was done I took mum in to town so she can look around and then took the boys to the gym to the school holiday program (2 hours) and I had 1 1/2 hours to myself so I went shopping for some new sunnies... can't find my old ones and I miss them soooo much. I am not happy with my new ones but hey that is life. I brought some stamping magazines so I can have some ideas for some new cards that I am going to try and do this weekend.

Then it was time to pick up mum and then go and pick up the boys and then came home had lunch and then yep you guessed it I was back out again going and getting my car from the towbar shop and then came home and biked with the boys to the playground where I met a friend of mine and her kids and we talked for a while and sat in this BEAUTIFUL sun... (I think I should have put sunscreen on because I am feeling it now) and then biked to the shop where the boys got a icecream and then biked back.

Got home to a beautiful big box on my doorstep... HELENA you naughty naughty girl he he he but I love ya mwahhhhh she sent me some clothes and they are wonderful... can't wait to use them... woohoooo.

Then had to pick up Jeremy and go over to pick up his car from outside the towbar place and then to my work to pick up the samples of black and white family photos we had done..


Now Jeremy is putting the boys in bed and I AM SOOO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.. had enough for today and at the end of my rope.

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

I had a great day today with my weight in (below) and had a great day at work taking photos of the kids for class photos as the ones that our company took WERE TERRIBLE... so the Director asked me to take some photos...

Got compliments all day and losing the 500 grams helped A LOT he he he because I felt really good and happy.

Got a cheeky little text this morning from ChrisH

Weigh in - 26 Sept 2007

Weigh in day at home today:

Loss: 500 grams

Current weight: 119.3 kgs (Virgin woohooo)

Total loss from WW: 35.4 kgs

Total loss from start: 40.7

I have my monthly and I lost this week... soooo happy with that.

Aiming for 500 grams is soooo much better because I am not stressing and this week was resigned to gaining because of monthly so I took it all in my stride and I lost my 500 grams.

I am soooo happy and I am in Virgin again wohoooooo.... not going back!!! not going back!!!! I CAN'T go back to 120's... no more yoyoing.

2 weeks losses in a row... wohoooooo

Didn't yoyo this week and I was expecting it because of monthly so that is bloody brilliant.

Can ya tell I am happy!

Can ya

Can ya

Can ya ???????



Monday, 24 September 2007

Caravan of love



Got all dressed up and went to my work for Black and White appointments and the boys looked sooo cute all dressed up with their hair spiked. Can't wait to see the photos. Corbin was playing silly buggers as he hates to smile when told to smile.. GEESH 8 year olds..

Then did our grocery shopping and came back and we were out at a friends place for a BBQ... it was a good afternoon but the couple that we went to see had had an argument the night before so my friend was really snappy with her other half... it was quite awkward actually.

ChrisH texted to have coffee while she was in Hamilton and I had said yes and forgotten about the fact that we had booked the BBQ in the week beforehand so I had to say no I couldn't make it but could we see her on the way back (I hope we do). Was going to see if my friend minded I ducked out but the mood she was in I didn't want to do that as I don't think she should have been left with hubby or she would have killed him.. he he he makes me appreciate my hubby so so so much more when things like that happen.

Feeling quite bloated today... got me monthly ho hum and everything is bloated and swollen.. I hate monthly's and can't wait till menopause I know I know not all rosy but OMG anything to not have a monthly sometimes. he he he

Jeremy and I have been discussing buying his Dad caravan off them because they have brought a house bus and are going to live in it when they retire... so he phoned his Dad last night to say we are still thinking about it and if it cannot fit on the side of our house then we probably won't be able to buy it as we don't have anywhere to store it ho hum and can't afford to pay for the caravan and also pay for storage... so anyway we have never towed a caravan before either so we are taking it away camping on Labour Weekend so that should be cool. We were going to go tenting but decided we would take the caravan and see how easy it was and if we would use it... so Athenree here we come. Might have to catch up with my LOVELY friend Lyn while we are there he he he and do lots of reading and relaxing and walking along the beach OH THE LIFE...

I would love to have a caravan it has been a dream of mine since I was little to have a family and go camping. Plus we wouldn't have to borrow a trailor (like we usually do) to go camping and also take all the stuff along too. This way we would have it all in the caravan and we could fit the bikes in the caravan too and go go biking while we are away places. It will be great for us that is for sure.

So the trial is for Labour weekend. How exciting.. .I love going away with my family and Athenree is not that far away for a weekend.

It is only costing us $156 for 3 nights for all of us and it includes the hot pools there too. I thought that was reasonable really for a weekend away.. If we had to go to a Motel it would be like $120 a night... not bad not bad at all.

Said to Jeremy that I would like to do it more often if we had the caravan like once a month go for a trip somewhere and save our pennies to do that. Hmmm we shall see.

Anyway love ya all


Saturday, 22 September 2007

Mt Maunganui

We got up early and went out to sort Corbin's glasses (yes Helena woohoo we got most of it on insurance OMG what a relief as the Optometrist told us to beforehand and we were waiting back for their reply... thank you though because if they didn't tell us I am glad someone was looking after us he he mwahh). Anyway so we went there to give them the quote number and see how much we would have to contribute to it...

So that being sorted... we took off for Mt Maunganui with mum, the boys and us... got to Cambridge and Quinn was looking pale and in pain so we thought he was constipated so stopped at the super loo's but he went in there but couldn't do anything and then got really quiet.... and was scaring me a little bit (as Quinn is never quiet and always talking ALWAYS) so we stopped at this one gas station place on the way to Mt Maunganui.

We were going to get him something to eat but then he went all pale on us and got us worried. We said to him he needed to go to the loo and so we went to the back of the gas station and sat him on the loo... Corbin and I left Jeremy with him in the loo and I went back out to talk to the lady in the shop out the front... she overheard us and was really caring and I was asking her how much the Auto magazine was (as Quinn loves cars and I wanted to distract him) she said hold on a bit... and she went to the back and got us two auto magazines for Quinn to have on the trip.

We were there about 20 minutes and Quinn must of been constipated because when he came out he was smiling and the lady was happy that everything was good.... and sooooo were we that is for sure.. it was scary and I know when you read this it doesn't sound like much but he was so pale that I was wondering if it was a appendicitis wohooo it wasn't.

We took off for The Mount and stopped to let off Mum at Bayfair Shopping Centre and went in to K Mart with her as there was a sale on. I brought some baskets for my crafts and we got Corbin a swing ball soccer set sooo cool (for xmas). Mum brought a car set for Quinn for Xmas and she got Jeremy and I Kickboxing gloves for our anniversary... We were so happy with that as we would like to do some exercise at home and show the kids that exercise is great. I love kickboxing it is so much fun. Glad we went in now he he he. Got some Xmas presents sorted and that is always a bonus.

Left mum there and we went to the beach. It was lovely and I got to take some photos and spent time with the family. There are some scrapbooking pages below for you to see... sooooo cool doing some pages again I have missed that.

The boys had so much fun and they jumped right in to the water and loved the waves and I was bloody cold just thinking about it we just couldn't keep them out. Their shorts were soaking wet and I just stood there thinking oh well what can I do. We walked for about an hour and a half down the beach and back and my calf muscles are sore now. The day wasn't beautiful but it was a good enough day and better than staying home.

Corbin found a stick and was having fun writing things so Quinn decided he would find one too but the thing was twice the size of him he he he looked so cute (see below). He so loved this and it made a trail and said "now we can find our way back" (just like in Hansel and Gretal he he.

In the car on the way back Quinn said "I would like to thank you for today it was the best ever" and it was so cute. It was like we never went anywhere and this was his first time to the beach. So after being so cute we decided to take them to get icecream... what a lovely New Zealand thing.. beach and icecream.
Hubby decided to take some photos of me too.. ARGHHHH I am getting better with photos but still hate it but after doing a scrapbook page last night I am grateful for the fact that I have the photo to show me how far I have come. I know I am not skinny but I am no as big as I was before (see scrapbook page of me below with the lawnmower March 2005)
Corbin read his book on the way there and was concerned about his brother when he was sick and for all their argueing he does really care about Quinn a lot. I always thought he would hate the sea for some reason... he just wanted to jump in and swim today and it is only spring. His shorts were soaking wet once we had finished but he had the time of his life... didn't want to leave.
He is more subtle in the things he does and really thinks about things. Corbin also has to be coaxed in to having photos taken of him and I like this photo and wanted to do something different so I made it black and white and then put back colour in places that I wanted.. I love my son's red hair and it keeps getting darker and darker every year. I hope he doesn't lose the colour but both hubby and I had our hair colour exactly like that as kids and now we are no longer red heads (except for me from a bottle he he).


Friday, 21 September 2007

All is good...

Ok... first thank you all for your concern but I am not thinking about doing anything nasty to this guy... just got angry because of more shit that he is doing... and on my blog is a place to get it out so that I don't stew about it.

He is now going to her timeshare half way through the week that she is up there with the kids and he is taking his new family OMG what a gaul to do that...

I do understand that my friend has to deal with this and I am there for an ear but it is really hard when she doesn't have any family living ya know. I am not taking it to heart too much but I can't understand how a guy that I used to think I would go to if anything happened in my life and now find out how he is treating his family it just makes me double think about who I can trust.

I think my monthly is coming soon that is why I was a little grumpy.... plus having the whole day with kids and then had the night with the kids and hubby went out that it was just a bad night.

Went to the doctor this afternoon for a check up and my blood pressure was down from last time 120 over 80 (not sure what it was last time) but I think that is an ok blood pressure for a normal person. Doctor was pretty pleased with me and she is also really happy with the fact that I have lost 41 kilos since the first time we talked about my weight (2005). I couldn't believe that my blood pressure was down to tell you the truth because I was getting more and more worried about it in the waiting room he he he.

Got up this morning and took the kids to school and decided to go to the gym.... went on the treadmill for 10 minutes but didn't want to jog today and was going to give up and not go at all but for the 10 minutes I put the speed up from 5 to 5.8 and then thought.... why not go to a class I haven't been to before ARGGHHH talk about scary.

So I went to a step pump class woohooo and there wasn't that many people in it about 5 of us and they were all so nice and we laughed the whole time... it was hard trying to concentrate on the moves while she was teaching them and I wasn't the only one that was knew... I think I have a sore tummy from laughing.

I was sooooo sore afterwards because we did push up laying on our back with the dumbells and weights and lots of sit ups and up and down the steps... but I was pumped and now this afternoon I am feeling the pain. The tutor afterwards said that I did pretty good for a new person and thought I would have had more trouble then I did sooooo woohooo... but it is much harder work than kickboxing class. I thought it would have been easier but I was sweating like you wouldn't believe.

Took mum shopping and got some t shirts for the gym and I got birthday presents for birthdays that are coming up.

Thursday, 20 September 2007

Not in a good headspace

Not in a good headspace tonight...

Going to list what I did today but not going to elaborate

  1. Took kids to school

  2. Spend from 9 till 12.30 with Corbin's class making funky glasses with the kids

  3. Went to coffee with my friends and my mum tagged along too.

  4. Picked up the kids took Corbin to Optometrist because he needed an eye test and his glasses broke (the day after I made the appointment). $800 later argghhh

  5. Got home cooked dinner

  6. Bathed the kids

  7. Put the kids to bed

  8. Now sitting here and read an email from my friend and about what the creep has done now and I am sitting here seething and feel like I am a failure for not wanting to help her tonight and wanting to kick his butt so hard that he won't be able to have anymore kids EVER again and feel like putting a hex on him so he never ever has a happy life ever again. I hate feeling like this.. it is not me but I do feel like this.

Going to post this and sorry not reading blogs and not staying on the computer tonight.

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Weigh in 19 Sept 2007

Weigh in day at home today:

Loss: 300 grams

Current weight: 119.8 kgs

Total loss from WW: 34.9 kgs

Total loss from start: 40.2

I am totally happy with this result this week. I have been going to the gym and doing weights and I had a huge weekend with food but managed to lose weight so I am pleased. I wished it would have been the 500 grams that I aimed for but with alcohol, weight training, celebrations a loss is fantastic.

This week has been wonderful in the fact that I haven't been worried about the scales and I have not been obsessing about my food.

I am sooo glad to be back at the gym and went last night and the gym was SOOOO full that we had to wait for equipment and we don't usually have to wait... and with that many people I don't usually jog on the treadmill as I hate being watched but thought FUCK this he he he and I jogged but I walked for 5 minutes and then for the remainding 10 minutes I did 30 secs run 30 walk and OMG did I feel great. An ex Weight Watcher buddy of mine came up and said it is soooo great to see you running and you look amazing so I felt like on cloud nine.

My exercise for Tuesday night was

  • Treadmill 15 minutes (5 min walk, then 30 sec run, 30 sec walk for 10 more minutes woohoo)

  • Triceps

  • Biceps

  • Quads

  • Kickboxing with hubby, arms and legs

  • Lateral Pull downs

I felt on fire... and my shoes are HEAVEN... did I mention that before??? HEAVEN and I don't feel my feet and I want to run run run woohoooooo..... even the last pair that I brought didn't make me feel this good and I didn't have sore knees going up to our bedroom up the stairs last night which I usually did with my other sneakers..

Watched Biggest Loser UK last night and had a wonderful phone call in the middle of it and said to the person...GEESH ringing me in the middle of B.L he he he hope the person realised I was teasing and it was great to get the phone call... but in the ad's I phoned them back... thanks for caring!!!

So is anyone else watching the BL? I just get such a buzz from it and want them to do more and more and more of it... gives me such a boost and such inspiration.

Thank you for your comments re my friend.

My friend UPDATE:(if you don't want to read I understand... thought I would warn you beforehand).

I think I have solved a little of the problem and said to my friend that if he doesn't want have anything to do with her we will work things out.

So on Monday's when he takes her to dance class and also my friend has her son's star soccer so I said I would pick the daughter up from dance class which I can go for a walk for anyway and bring her back to my place. So that means that she doesn't have to have Monday's be a day that she is scared her Dad is going to pick her up and moan all the way to school. Last week he picked her up and made her get dressed in her outfit in the car in front of 2 of the boys that are now his new family. I think that was disgusting for a 9 year old girl to have happen when she kept telling him she didn't want to....

He has changed so much and it is scary.

He won't phone but txts all the time and won't give her the phone number for his place or email so she can't tell him when things are happening in the kids life but he told the daughter that her mother doesn't bother to tell her when things are happening.

I have seen the texts and she has tried to tell him about things and he won't answer her so why should she bother... it is all beyond me this childish behaviour.

So anyway he text last night to say he had a production on at school on Wednesday with his work mates and wanted them both to come... it would finish at 10.30... so my friend waited 2 hours before replying (woohooo her) and said no they couldn't come she txt back saying

"Is this a joke. You are unbelievable. You have refused to have B unless she stays at night and not taking her to dancing. But want to show off at school. Pretend to be good dad with your new family. 2 late for kids. Pick up A on Mon outside my work at 9. Don’t wish to text you again tonight. Am over it"

I was sooo proud of her because she usually lets him have what he wants so that the kids get to see their dad and this time she had the balls to say no... and I can just imagine there are going to be reprocussions as he hasn't signed off the lawyers yet and is still not paying the mortgages and she is having to pay that and is also not paying any child support and said to her if she causes any more trouble she is going to claim for the kids that is living with him so that she gets even less.

Janene I said the same thing to her last night... if he can't take them both then he doesn't get the son. But she said she phoned a counsellor and they said it wouldn't be fair to the other child and so she agreed... sorry I wouldn't have agreed at all. The father is in the wrong and he has to know that he can't play one child off on the other and both of them would be staying home.

The 9 yr old said that last time she was there she was asked if she wanted to go with her Dad to placemakers or with the slut the supermarket by the slut and then her Dad said No girls go with the slut and boys with him... so there again she was shot down by her Dad and had to go with the slut when she has only just known her for a couple of weeks.... what is up with him.

I told my friend I was putting this in my blog but not mentioning names because I needed to vent as well and she was ok about this so don't fear I am not writing this without permission but I am not using names.

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Really upset

Oh God I just feel sick to my stomach.

My friend that is going through this breakup well I think I told you how the daughter is scared of her father after the time he came and had a huge fight with her mother and grabbed her mother and she had bruises the next day (remember I have never seen him ever ever be like this so it is a shock)... and all while he thought the kids were asleep but the 9 year old wasn't.

Well the 9 year old daughter only wants to stay at his place with this woman of his (slut I call this woman because her kids said to his kids it is their 3rd Dad OMG) in the day time and refuses to go at night so he said to her mother if she doesn't come for the whole night then she cannot come at all EVER and said he has had enough and doesn't want her there then... but is going to take the 6 year old son for 4 days over the holiday and any other time he asks.

OMG why would a father put his daughter through this... he said that my friend has poisoned the daugheter and that is why she doesn't want to come but OMG wouldn't you think if she was doing that that the younger boy wouldn't want to go either? Wouldn't you think she would have said no every time he has asked for the kids yet she hasn't... it is sooo unfair and I have this horrible horrible tummy thinking what this poor girl is going to feel when she is told that her own Dad doesn't want her over unless it is under his terms.. they only broke up in May he needs to let her adjust and to see him with another woman and family is too much too soon.

I don't know how to help her I don't know what to say...

God I feel sooo helpless and I know that I can only be there to listen and help my friend but I am sooo disgusted in what he is doing.

I am sitting at my desk in tears because I can't believe he would hurt his daughter like this. I did know that they didn't get along that well when he was living there and that he definatly had his favourite in his son because he did sports and things that they did together but to reject a 9 year old just because she doesn't want to stay the night is beyond me.

I didn't want to write in here but I need to get it out... I am sitting here stewing about it and I need someone to respond and to help me deal with this...

I can't understand how a guy that has been really nice and a good friend for like 20 years do this!!! It is a huge change and he is treating his ex like she is evil when he is the one the cheated and left her and she didn't even see it coming and months beforehand he was telling her loved her and planning all sorts of things...

I just don't understand how life can be so cruel...

It makes me look at my life and hope like god that it doesn't happen to me where Hubby leaves me for another woman and I have to cope with the same thing.... because to be honest I always thought that Hubby and and this ex friend of ours was just the same they were gentle, loving caring family men that would do anything for their family.

I can't understand how he can be a teacher and not realise how this sort of break up effects a child... I can't believe he would find another woman that is a mother of one of his students and sleep with her at a camp with all his students around... I can't understand how one man can change sooo much.


Don't know what to write in here today...

The only reason I am writing is because Weeesplat said that I hadn't updated and I need to get my backside in order he he.

Still going through a lot with my friend and her kids and our ex friend and getting a horrible tummy everytime I think about it. I find that I am the sort of person that takes things to heart and that I feel it is happening to me. I just want to wallop our ex friend over the head with something heavy to make him come back to the nice guy we used to know. I don't think that is going to happen though.

Was going to go to the gym last night but thought NO I want some time with the kids and hubby and eat dinner altogether instead of them eating while we go to the gym and then we eat when we come back. It was that sort of night to veg and have fun with the kids.

When they went to bed I got going on Quinn's birthday invitations (will post a copy when I get home as it is on my laptop) and they looked cool. Took me three different times to come up with something that I like though. So he is excited about that.

I have felt so much more relaxed this week with my weight loss because I didn't feel like this overwelming pressure to do well.... I totttallly know that Leenie never wanted that to happen and she was being the loving, caring wonderful person that she is but I put unrealistic pressure on myself and this week I have not.

I think I will have a loss tomorrow.. be it 500 grams or not I am not sure but it won't be a gain. I have started back at the gym this week since having a fortnight off because of my back so I won't have lost that much because I am doing weights as well so the muscle thing isn't going to help but it will be a loss.

I have to say Janene thank you for the last couple of weeks being my email buddy and I yours... it has made me stick to my tracking and realise that I am sticking to my points and what will happen will happen. It gives me encouragement to stick to this knowing you are going to be watching everything that is going in to my mouth so I think twice about it. I needed that support and when I am down you bring me back up again... I hope I am doing the same for you.

It was supposed to be Quinn's cross country today but it is raining (Janene you better not have jinxed it he he) and so he isn't too happy about that as he was looking forward to it.

It is my long day at work today and it is driving me insane already... I am in this little office and only one window and I swear it is only just the size of a small small bathroom (no bath or shower he he he)...

I think too much in this office as my day drags a bit but it is sooo convenient because I can take the kids to school and pick them up and get paid for the time I am out doing it.... and the work isn't taxing at all. It is only 3 days a week at that.

I really would like to have a job that was more creative and something that I would love and fit in with the family but right now I am not too sure what that job is and if it would pay as much as I am getting now.

Going out to lunch today with a lady from work.... it will be great to get out of here.

Got another compliment today... well sort of.... he he he one of the older teachers (she is 72 wow) and she said that I am looking really great but need to get some smaller pants as they are too bloody baggy.. he he he I agree but to spend $50 on another pair of jeans right now is just not going to happen because once I get in to those then I am going to have to buy another because I am not going to stop losing the weight.

Hubby thinks that I am changing shape even though I am not losing a lot on the scales. I must agree I feel the same. The arms in some of my tops are getting a little too big that I am pulling up the shoulders as they are falling he he he slouchy bitch that I am.

Ok.. enough rambling for me.



Sunday, 16 September 2007

Saturday and Sunday


Woke up early had breakfast and then went shopping woohoooooo. Went to the Shoe clinic and they got me on a treadmill with a camera behind me and watching how I walked... it was really weird watching myself walk from behind myself.

Apparently I walk on the inside of my feet and so I need a lot of support. So we tried on a lot of shoes to see what felt comfortable and then when I had the ones that I thought were right then we went back on the treadmill and watched how it changed my feet. It was really different and made me really happy that these shoes will help. He asked if I had problem with my knees and asked me if they were on the inside of my knees.. OMG he was right and so these shoes should help... $220 later (down by $99 on sale arghhh) So I invested in shows over $300 that is sooo not like me but I do feel that they will be great.

Then at 11 we went to the prize giving for both Corbin and Quinn. Finally left after 2pm arghhhh and I don't want to do that again... what a long experience that was. Hubby's brother and girlfriend turned up and so did Hubby's Dad.

After the prize giving we went to the break up party of the team members. It was a pot luck dinner and there was about 40 people there it was a lot of fun but Marina (one of the ladies that I go to coffee with) giving me midori and lemondade drinks and for some reason she kept topping them up when I wasn't looking... we had some parents there that didn't really mingle well and were quite strange but hey that is life. We ended up leaving there at 9.30 and the kids were so tired.

We did break for 1/2 an hour and went to get some lunch and we walked past a cafe and a old work mate was there with his other half (another old work mate) and his mother (who was the only one of our friends that we invited the parent too as she was sooo cool. Anyway they saw us walk past the window and he waved and smiled and I could see his mum mouth who is that and he said my name and she looked at me and had her mouth wide open like she couldn't believe it or something and then she smiled and mouthed wow... felt sooo coool...

Here are some photos:

Quinn and his team members (Quinn is 3 from the left)

Quinn above with the trophy on his lap

Corbins team (he is at the back on the right) they won the 8th Grade Championship for their division.
This was at the team pot luck dinner and Darren (the guy in the red) was our manager and he was giving out certificates and trophies for the year.

I was roped in to handing out the trophies while Darren gave the certificate and a speach. I tied my hair back for the prize giving but had it straight for most of the night.


Got up and went to the gym as I was excited to get to the treadmill with my new sneakers and IT WAS BLOODY EXCELLANT it felt like I was on a cushion of air (the sneakers have gel bottoms) and I didn't feel like I was running in bare feet like I have for a while now. It was soooo great and jogging on the treadmill I didn't feel as bad and the knees didn't hurt and I was sweating like a pig after it..

We went and did our triceps, biceps, lat pulldowns, cross trainer and felt really great afterwards. Tomorrow night we are going to be doing the legs and the tummy and then Wednesday will be back to kickboxing.

We haven't been in a week because of my back and didn't want to upset my back at all that is why we have been just walking.

The afternoon was spent cleaning out the study so that I can find some crafty things for the kids so they can make some birthday cards for their friends birthdays and we were making jigsaw puzzles with my jigsaw cutter.

The weekend went to fast and now I have to get off blog reading and get my backside going on making Quinn's birthday invites arghhh. Can't wait till they are done and then it is another year till I have to do them again.

Love ya all



Friday, 14 September 2007

Jog Jog Jogging....

I enjoyed getting back to the gym today.....

Started my training for jogging... OMG was I excited.. Ok so I was excited but nervous at the same time because being a big person I fear what other people will think.

Thought I was going to start slowly with my jogging and get used to it and went in to the gym thinking I will walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes at 5.5 (usually 5) so I upped the speed... and then after 10 minutes I was going to do 30 secs run (at 7 speed) and then a minute walk and then 30 sec run and do that 3 times (was going to take it slowly for the first day) but I did 10 minute warm up and then 1 minute run, 1 minute walk, x 3 OMG I was sooo happy with myself.

When I finished that I did my triceps, biceps, leg raisers, stepper, shoulder pull downs, situps and the water bike... and then went by myself down to the sauna it was bliss... sat there sweating like a pig and just thinking about my life and how I have to sort it out and stop yoyoing... well try anyway. But also realised that I am not going to be really stingee with my food because I know it doesn't work for me.

I can't wait till tomorow when I am going to by some running shoes he he he giggle.

I think the thing I have missed in all this is my exercise and I know I didn't lose that much when I was exercising but the main thing is that I enjoyed it and felt healthier with exercise.

So Sunday is the next day at the gym with hubby and I am going to try and do some more running and do combat with him so I can get the sweat up.

Roll on the 500 grams this week.

I have worked it out that by my Easter camp next March that if I keep up with the 500 grams a week average then I will be at around 105... and that would make me sooo happy. I know I would like to be less and maybe I might, but to be at 105 Kilos by Easter would be fantastic.

Went out for lunch with hubby and mum today and it was nice to go while the kids were at the school.

In regards to the 6 weeks leave I have worked it around long weekends and also I only work 3 days a week so 2 days off is included it that. So if there is a Monday holiday I take the Tuesday and Wednesday and I finish work on the Wednesday before so it gives me a week ya know.... so it isn't as great as you think but it is still great he he he still don't get a full weeks pay he he he.

I am having my friend Pam and her kids over tonight for dinner and looking forward to it because we are going to have a family game night woohooo... I am addicted to uno spin at the moment with the kids such fun.

My friend Pam that I have mentioned before that is going through hell with the breakup and found out last night that her ex's step dad and grandmother and his sister aren't speaking to him and are angry with him so that made Pam feel so much better because now she knows that it is isn't her and that others are thinking that how he dealt with this is bad... so maybe if we can get them together we can make Pam's ex realise that he is harming the kids and he needs to sort things out so that the kids are suffering... fair enough he is getting on with his new life and the slut Oops that was a slip.. (the new girlfriend) but to make his kids scared of him etc and that they are really upset well that isn't on.

Why do people do that? Why do the kids always suffer. I totally understand that he met another lady and that is fair enough because obviously she makes him happy but it is the kids that I get angry at. I am all for being happy but if it is at the expense of the kids then I get sooo angry.

He is not paying his half of the mortgage or the other committments and Pam is struggling to pay on her part time wage and to also feed the kids and their sports stuff etc and now Xmas coming up she is really finding it hard.

Sorry I don't mean to harp on about it but I sit here crying sometimes as I hate seeing what is happening to this family and I hate seeing what he kids are going through especially the 9 year old girl when even her school is worried about her as she was an A student and now she doesn't want to go to school and is constantly playing with her brother at lunch times as she is scared that her Dad is going to come and take him and she won't see him again. It is sad.. and I get to the stage that I want to help so much and I don't know how other than to support Pam and the kids.

I got an email from the 9 year old girl the other day and it said "Hi Aunty Mandy, How is your day? I am really sad today..." I didn't know what to say apart from the "how are you? Why are you sad? Is there anything that I can help you with?... I mean what do you say to a 9 year old going through this?

Thanks for listening everyone..

Woohooo me for getting the jogging training going woohooo.



Thursday, 13 September 2007

Too fast!!

It went too fast!!!

Today went too fast!!!

Walked the boys to school and did the spelling with the 5 year olds and before school started I started playing a game with about 4 kids called Chinese Whispers and the next time I looked the whole 25 kids were there playing he he he and the mothers asked if I wanted to look after their kids after school he he he he NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I enjoy not having the responsibility just like having fun.

After doing the spelling I went for a walk and got some sushi on the way home and then took mum out to get a present for Quinn for his 6th birthday in 2 weeks. She got him a go cart he he he and it was $150 but was marked down to $49 woohooooo so why not aye and the both boys would get the benefit out of it.

Got home and it was time to pick up the boys OMG did the time go fast or what.

Didn't do too much other than the chores and the homework with the kids... how boring is that.

I am feeling much happier with aiming for the 500 grams a week at the moment. I still have something to aim for but not feeling like it is overbearing.

Worked out that I could be at 111 by the end of the year and that suits me fine.... I would LOVE to lose more and if that happens woohooo but I want to be realistic for my track record and not be unrealistic and ruin it for me.

Brought myself some new short trackies for the gym and I also brought a singlet arghhhhh (not for the gym as I don't like my bingo wings he he he).

Going out in the weekend to buy myself some new sneakers and they are going to be running and walking sneakers because I am going to start slowly training to run. I have been enjoying the jogging (now and then that I do) and I really want to work out how I can do this. I am not sure how to start or what techniques or where but I think I have to try it out for my sake. The only problem I have is people watching me. I wasn't so bad when I was jogging at the park where I knew people weren't around so I might go there and do that too.

I applied for my leave yesterday and got approved. I have a week in October, 3 weeks in December and 2 weeks Jan/Feb woohoooo looking forward to it.


Wednesday, 12 September 2007

Gone Quiet...

As you can all tell I have gone quiet... or could you? I had 85 hits on my blog yesterday alone.

My birthday weekend went really well and my birthday was great on Sunday. I like the simple things and wanted to just sleep in with my breakfast of Bagel, Poached eggs and salmon and it was fantastic. Hubby gave me the breakfast in bed and I read magazines and chilled until I got ready for the kids to come home at about 11.30.

My mother in law gave me $100 to a really nice restaurant here in Hamilton and when she left we all went for a really great walk and I was smiling and beaming the whole time as I felt so great and loved. We stopped in at the video shop because the weather looked like it was going to pack in in the avo. Got in and chose our DVD's and I went up to the counter to pay and the young guy said "Happy Birthday" OMG my eyes went wide and was a little shocked and said thank you. He said you can have the Overnight DVD for no charge Wohooo me!!

I chose Mr Bean on Holiday (or something like that) and it was hilarious and we all laughed and chilled out and a friend Delwyn (who went to dinner with us on Saturday night) came over as my mum was doing an arrangement for her Grandmother who is turning 90.

Hubby made a lovely lunch and also got a Lamb Roast for dinner with roast potatoes etc and had my mother in law over for dinner. I picked a little too much on the roast when it came out of the oven he he I love when the first cut is made and it is warm and hmmmmm sooo nice...

Oh forgot to mention hubby gave me a card (already gave me money to buy myself something and brought myself some clothes on Friday) anyway and in the card he had written "I love you more with every year" and I burst out crying dripping on my breakfast in bed... said to him "you aren't supposed to make me cry on my birthday" and you know what I don't care about all the presents in the world that he could have given me apart from him writing those words. I could have had those words and they would make my life!! I think that is why I was smiling all the way around our walk.

So ok that was Sunday over and done with..

I had tracked all week and allowed for the cake and dinner etc and felt confident if I did gain it would be only around 500 grams... well on Monday I had a melt down. I weighed myself (wasn't supposed to till today as that is my new weigh in day) but felt ok I will weigh in and I had gained 3.4 kilos (NO FRIGGIN WAY) I know I hadn't been good on the Sat and Sun but I pointed it all and made sure I wasn't that overboard. So I was in such a funk on Monday and poor Janene she was soooo good and such a great listener as she tried to get me down from the grumpyness but I was stubborn.

I said to myself at my desk at work that I was going to work it off so I went for a walk at morning tea and at lunch time and I parked a couple of streets away from the school so I had to walk.

I emailed Leenie (this woman is amazing) and said to her

"I promised myself when I first started losing weight that I would lose it but I wouldn't get obsessive about it to the fact that I am hating life and I want to binge... I am not going to do that.

I want to change my lifestyle so that I lose the weight but so that I am happy in the process and to be honest I am not happy at the moment. I feel like I am letting you down and I feel unhappy and picky at meal times and scared to have anything other than boring food."

amongst other things and said that I am not doing the Challenge...

Leenie was wonderful and wrote a lovely reply and so we are happy.

It isn't the challenge as such it is the amount that was doing my head in because ever since I started my healthy lifestyle I have only averaged 500grams a week and to be honest losing 6 kilos in 7 weeks was too much and hubby was getting worried about me as I was weighing every day and if I didn't lose I would get all upset and emotionally it was not right for me.

Now I am still aiming for that 115.6 but it will be 500 grams a week not almost a kilo a week. I have pulled out of the challenge with Leenie but I am going to get to 115.6 by 28 November which is 500 grams a week and I will be there...

My weight this morning was 120.1 so I gained 500 grams this week and ok that is fine because it was my birthday week and I didn't do as much exercise because of doing my back in last week. No excuses really for anything but I don't feel quilty for gaining on my birthday week even though I tried not to gain and I tracked (Janene is witness to that). I find when I have alcohol it really stuffs up all my work... but damn it I enjoyed it.

So anyway on Monday I was 123 so I have come down to 120.1 (so it must be water retention) and feeling better for it. Hubby seems to think that I was retaining water OMG that is a lot of friggin water he he he.

I have been avoiding writing in here because of feeling ashamed that I pulled out when someone as wonderful as Leenie was trying to encourage me (especially when she is going through some HUGE lifechanging stuff of her own).

I am more afraid of telling you guys in my blog than I am of telling someone I know... and that is because I don't want to come across as a failure... it is the weirdest thing I have ever thought about in my whole life.. but you guys keep me accountable and that maybe the reason why?

I have felt so much better in myself in the last two days since realising that I can lose this weight but I have to do it at my speed because I know from previous experiences that I cannot keep up that huge weight loss per week. If I start losing big amounts I think I can keep that consistancy up and I CANNOT so I go in a big deep hole when I don't lose the weight and I cannot afford to do that. I have lost 40 kilos and I am not going to gain it back for anything in this world...

So there you have it... my confession.

Small and consistant is my motto.

OK JANENE I have updated now he he he.



Gone Quiet...

As you can all tell I have gone quiet... or could you?

Sunday, 9 September 2007

Day 25 - L Challenge

Got up and hubby coloured my hair this morning and streaked it and then went down for breakfast and did the chores and went and got the groceries. OMG I had grocery shopping it bores me silly he he he.

Came home and went for a bike ride with the boys it was a nice day.

Took the boys to their Grandmothers place at 3pm woohooo so they were staying the night there so that we can sleep in... in the morning woohooo.

Came back from dropping them off and spent a hour in bed just relaxing and reading my magazine... and if any of you have children you know that reading a magazine is hard when you have kids around (but I didn't woohooo he he he he).....

Hubby straightened my hair for the night and I got dressed up for dinner and felt quite pretty tonight. I don't usually wear white or anything with a pattern on it so I felt quite good.

Met everyone at the restaurant and we all got on so well and didn't stop talking the whole time. I really enjoyed myself and enjoyed the company and the food. I don't think I ate too much and didn't feel over full or anything. Delwyn and I had a Cosmopolitan and a Dragonfly cocktails and was having fun.

Lee-Anne and Colin came and it was soooo great to see them both and I am so glad that she came over. She was the only blogger that was there but both her and Colin fitted in well with everyone... what a wonderful couple they are.

My friend Pam came (the friend that just got separated and having trouble with her ex) and she enjoyed herself. It was nice to see her come out of her shell and chat and I think she had a great night.

There was my friend Delwyn who I used to go with to my Lean group and then there was Marina and David who are the parents of one of my son's friends. I really enjoy spending time with Marina she is one of the ones I go to afternoon tea with on a Thursday.

So anyway we started at 7pm and left the restaurant at 11.30 woohooo and got home at about 12 because we took Delwyn home. I really enjoyed myself.

Took the damn camera and then left it in the bloody car GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR was annoyed as I wanted some photo's but I am sure that Lyn will send me a copy of the one on her cell phone (that we texted to ChrisH he he he and said that here were the two tarts in Hamilton he he). How funny was that... Poor Chris (we still wuv ya).

I had a great night!! I am so happy that it was a great night!

Tomorrow morning hubby said that he would make me breakfast in bread and I want some grainy bread with poached eggs and salmon OHHHHH yummy.

Anyway goodnight everyone it is 12.30 and I am watching the rugby with All Blacks against Italy so far it is 43 against NIL (to us he he)... they aren't that good.

Friday, 7 September 2007

Day 24 - L Challenge "What are your thoughts"

I have been thinking a lot about weight loss in the last 24 days. I think that is why I am losing is because I am thinking, dreaming, speaking about weight loss and how I am feeling and it has been great but exhausting too.

Have you ever sat down and thought... I know I have lost all this weight but I don't feel different?

I don't feel much different than I did when I weighed 160 kilos apart from I want to do more now. I mean I don't feel like I am different... this is so hard to explain but I want to write it and have you all tell me about your thoughts.

I do feel like I am not invisible anymore but I still feel like me and I think I thought if I lost weight it would be different like euforia (can't spell he he he) or something like that or that I would be different and life would be rosey...

I was told this morning by a lovely person that I am bubbly and outgoing and really easy to like and to be honest I always thought I was bossy and boring and more of an introvert and people didn't notice me or was maybe afraid of me or ashamed of me because I was big. It is really weird to hear someone tell you something that you don't really believe yourself. Not AT ALL saying that this person is lying or that they aren't right just that isn't how I have ever felt about myself.

I don't have that many friends. I have aquaintences but I cannot say I have a best friend that comes around every day I do have what I call a best friend in Wellington who was my bridesmaid.

I always thought that I didn't have a best friend as such because people were ashamed to be around me in the fact that I am big and they are embarrased and maybe that is why people never wanted to go out with me....

I really want to have a friend that I can go out with and shop with and walk with and I so want that but I guess that isn't meant to be. Some people have all the luck and meet their best friend at school and they are so close and keep friends till they are old. I so wished I had that... I so wish that I have that. Or maybe I am too picky? not sure really.

In the last couple of months I have heard opinions on what people think of me and how they see me (all 45 years of me he he he for those who know what the hell I am talking about, I am only 37 on Sunday) and how my blog makes me come across intense but in real life I am bubbly and really easy to talk to... wow... it is really weird.

I find that when I am writing on my blog I am trying so hard to write what I think people will want to read and I try so hard to not make myself sound stupid or uneducated because to tell the truth I have always been an average student.

I don't feel like I am intense but maybe I am aye? (I so know that this post is intense but it is because I don't understand) Or maybe it is that what I come across on here can be read differently... yes yes yes I know everyone he he he this part does sound intense but I sort of want to know how I can be funny? Or be on my blog here what I am like in person? I can't quite work out how I can come across the same as I am in real person... maybe that is my question to you all?

Got my new battery for the car this morning and I was there at 7.45 and the lady said that the mechanics (my brother in law he he he) don't start work till 8am and she said would you like to wait in the waiting room and I said No thank you OMG usually any chance to sit down I would have but this time I said No I will go for a walk and come back. So I walked around the block and it took me 10 minutes and I was so happy with myself that I didn't sit on my butt but got out and walked. I came home and Lyn and I walked the boys to school and home again and then Lyn left for the day.

I went shopping today Woohoooo bought myself some clothes for my birthday as hubby gave me some money.

I brought a pair of three quarter jeans A size 22 woohoooooooo was too chicken to get a size 22 last time I went shopping.

Brought a really nice that mum hated on the hanger but when it got on me she said YOU HAVE to buy that one and it was a 2xl 2xl 2xl 2xl... not a 3xl or a 4xl OMG it felt great. And then another top at Large ARGHHHHHHHHHH (mum hated that one but I like it it is pretty cool but a little see through he he he) and another top that was a 2xl he he he. I have never been able to go on the rack and just buy and not think OMG which is the largest and will the largest actually fit me? So I have two more sizes to get down to being able to go in a different section and try better clothes on with more colours and funkier he he.

So roll on Saturday night!!!

Anyway I have rambled and rambled and rambled tonight.



Thursday, 6 September 2007

Day Twenty Three - L Challenge

First of all can you bloody believe that I am on Day 23? Not me!! I don't stick to things that much

Today was a walking day.... that is for sure!!!

Walked the boys to school and did the usual spelling with Quinn's class and then walked back home (making sure I went fast and got my heart rate up) and also because I had to be at my sister in law (to be) house to help her with her accounts.

Got in the car with my laptop and turned the key and NOTHING OMG NOTHING... Corbin had left the light on last night in the back of the car so I had no battery. Hubby came home from work jump started the car and off I went to my SIL to be's and got there and the car wouldn't start AGAIN so the brother in law put the charger on again and I got home and got in the garage and YES YOU GUESSED IT it wouldn't start so I walked the long way to my coffee shop as it was such a BEAUTIFUL day OMG it was nice to look at the birds flying and have the sun on me that wasn't burning me and walked for my coffee.

Decided I would have a muffin with my coffee but I couldn't even finish half of it... I have never ever done that because it was like I OMG I am paying for this I will eat it no matter what but today I left half of it... I couldn't eat it. I just couldn't put another bit of food in my mouth and it felt wonderful.

Then picked up the boys from school and walked home and got ready for when Lyn was coming...

She is here now on hubby's computer doing her update... how weird is that? I mean we are both on the computers not talking and watching Mcleods Daughters and tap tap tapping away... We had Couscous and Chicken Skewers and salad for dinner and my mum made a naughty lemon merangue pie and had a iece of that.

It is not often that you find a friend that can feel comfortable just to be in your company and you don't have to say a thing becasue it is not the point... I don't know how to explain it. Weird but good.

I have done 10,768 steps today so far. Happy with those steps. I wish I could do that every day but with the job I have it just doesn't happen.

Going out on Saturday night for my birthday with bloggers and with my friends and have to put in here for them that it is at 7pm at Sahara Tent on Victoria Street but will start dinner about 7.30 or so so that Lee-Anne and Col can get to us. It will be nice to chill with a couple of drinks before having dinner. I can't wait... going to be so much fun.

So don't know how my day tomorrow is going to be like. Got to go and get a battery tomorrow morning ARGHHHHHH more money to fork out.

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Day Twenty Two - L Challenge update

Day Twenty Two - L Challenge

Weigh in day at home today:

Loss: 800 grams

Current weight: 119.6 kgs

Total loss from WW: 35.1 kgs

Total loss from start: 40.4


Leenie Challenge: 115.6 kgs

Started: 13 August 2007

End Date: 1 October 2007

To lose 6 kilos in 7 weeks

Start Weight: 121.6 kgs

Current Weight: 119.6 kgs

How much lost so far: 2 kgs

How much to go: 4 kgs

I am in VIRGIN FAT!!!! OMG I have to stop going back up a couple of hundred grams and then down again like a yoyo.... what is wrong with me.

I think I will weigh in on Wednesday's though as I hate Monday weigh in's and with my birthday this weekend and then the next two weeks are all social I need to give my body a couple of days to come down ya know.

I am pleased with the scales this morning!!! SO SO SO pleased because I have been tracking and I am starting to tweak it now I reckon and seeing what I am doing maybe a little wrong and changing it.

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Day Twenty One - Leenie Challenge

How amazing is that woman.

I couldn't wait any longer I had to text her to say "Hey" and she answered me back right away and and said "so how is your back?" I replied with OMG you just had a major op and you are worried about my back... don't worry about my back and she wrote back but I couldn't reply because I didn't have anymore money on my cellphone.

So I phoned from work he he he...

If you haven't guessed by now I am talking about Leenie... she sounded like she had just gotten out of the bath and all relaxed OMG she is amazing!!!

We talked about the same things that Rachel mentioned on her blog and that I am in awe of her and how could she be recovering so quickly and getting out before Thursday.

I would love to be able to do what she did but I am chicken and told her that and as usual she said "you can do it mate" but I don't think I could. I would probably have a heartattack with all the worry beforehand.

She is still my idol!!!

I am so glad all went well for her and her pain isn't as much as we all thought it would be.

Leenie you are amazing girl. I am glad that I found you accidentally when I was searching and I am glad to call you my friend... you were and are such an inspiration to me. I am even drinking more water every time I think of what she has been through because I know that if she can do what she has done then so can I.

Back at work today feeling better than I did yesterday but not 100% but I am determined that this week is going to be great!!!

Will update later... still at work so can't spend too much time on here.


The day at work was ok nothing much to write about .

Looking forward to Saturday night where bloggers and friends are getting together for my birthday dinner... going to be great fun. So far there are 13 people OMG OMG sooo cool.

I emailed Lee-Anne for Lyn's cellphone number and managed to get hold of Lyn to say that I was thinking of her and she said her sis is out of ICU so that is a good thing. Asked if she wanted to come for dinner on Thursday night and so she is going to come over and also she is coming on Saturday night for dinner at the restaurant...

Going to be so much fun. Wow lots of people and usually I don't do much on my birthday. I am so happy.

On a not so nice note... had to get some medicated shampoo today as Corbin has nits OMG I have NEVER Seen them before and was disgusted... and there was only 3 he he he but we got it early and Quinn didn't have any and neither do the rest of us but as you can imagine I have been itching like a bugger even though I don't have them. How weird huh. So I phoned his two best friends parents to warn them and one mum said OMG not again because she has just gotten rid of them from the house 2 months ago because she has mainly girls in the house.

Feeling much better with my back but decided that I was not going tonight to the gym and give it time to heal even more.



Monday, 3 September 2007

Day Tweenty - L Challenge

Went to work at 7.30 and was there for about 5 minutes and then just felt weird and wrong and phoned my boss in Auckland and home and said I was going home.

Felt dizzy and so went home and hubby took the boys to school and I went up to bed until about 12.30 when hubby phoned to say if I wanted to see Corbin run in the cross country then I should get myself up... not that he was pushing me just that he couldn't go and one of us wanted to be there. (It is only about 2 minutes walk to the park by our house so it wasn't far away)

I went and watched and it was great because Corbin did well he wasn't at the start but he wasn't at the end he was like 25 from the front (of about 100 kids) it was really good to see.

One of the mums gave us a lift back home because she said I looked rather pale.

Went to school early and picked up Quinn from school and then came back and went to bed again and the kids watched Star Wars as I just couldn't be up... the kids loved it because they were snuggled in our king size bed and had their afternoon tea etc.

I decided today I wasn't going to weigh in till Wednesday and that is because I want to get better first and I am not worried about what the result is because I have tracked and today isn't the day I will weigh... I have been spending too much time worrying about my weight and with my health not doing good in the last couple of days I said to hubby that I wasn't going to worry about the weight until Wednesday.

Anyway going back to bed as I am still not feeling good

Sunday, 2 September 2007

Day Nineteen - L Challenge

Spent most of the day relaxing and trying to not use my back muscles as I did do something to my back.

It was fathers day and so I got up early with the kids that stayed the night and laid on the couch while they watched the Star Wars movies and let hubby sleep in....

Basically did nothing today because of being sore and angry at how I could get back in to this situation with my back again... there goes all the hard work.. I am still angry about it...

Going to bed now.. :-(

Just wanted to wish Leenie a really smooth operation tomorrow and will be thinking of her and missing her updates. This is the last day of her old life and now on to her new sexy one ... Woohoo you! Love CM


Saturday, 1 September 2007

Day Eighteen - Leenie Challenge

I know I promised I would update everyday on this challenge but too many things happening in my life... with organising Corbin's birthday party today and last night organising a family dinner etc because it was his real birthday on the 31st and Thursday I was up in Auckland for a course with work (and as you know I don't work on a Thursdays grrr so was annoyed with work). Started work at 7.30am by travelling up there and got back at about 4.30pm).

Today is the party and they turn up at 2.30 and so we went for a walk early this morning and it was great... went to get some paper for wrapping a birthday present for a party that Quinn is going to.

Got back and while hubby was making lunch I was supposed to go and get a shower. I was on a high because food has been good and feeling great today. Got upstairs turned on the shower... bent down to get the towel I dropped on the floor and SNAP I pulled my disk in my back again OMG OMG I was screaming to Jeremy and he came upstairs made me get a hot shower and then I felt tingly and dizzy and I almost fainted in the shower.. Shaking and (apparently white) OMG how could this happen on my son's birthday. So I am sitting downstairs finally and hubby is doing most of it OMG THIS IS NOT BLOODY FAIR!!! I don't want to be an invalid on my son's birthday..

Will tell you more later. Hubby is checking on me like every 3 minutes as his face is looking worried. He couldn't understand why I almost fainted and why I was soooo pale.. I think I scared him... FUCK I scared myself... I am finally living right with food and exercise I don't want to be