Time to "MAKE MYSELF MY HOBBY" - From 2005 to 2008 I lost 42 kgs and things went wrong in my life with my mum and work and went in to major depression. I am trying my hardest to get back in to it and doing it for me. Going to "Make Myself My Hobby".
Total lost since 2 January 2016 : 1.2 kgs (2.64 lbs) Total loss to get to 119.9: 24.5 Kilos to go
Beautiful day today so J and I went for a walk around the lake. It took us 48 minutes. Slow compaired to what I used to do it in. But I got the steps up. Charlie got his walk and J and I had fun talking while we went around the lake.
Felt energetic after that that I made a beautiful casserole which was meaty with lots of vegetables. Track Track Tracking.
It took 2 days to get over my trainer's kickboxing class and didn't want to get up out of my chair at work as the thighs were killing me... I hate doggy lifts in the kickboxing class... and my trainer knew that she was laughing at me and in the middle I said "Shit" and she said "ahhhhh she is back" lol.
Did a kickboxing class with my old trainer tonight and I am feeling it already
It was great and I kept a picture in my head to motivate me. Everytime I thought I was going to give up as it was too hard I saw this picture of someone (not going to say) and thought I am going to get there. OMG it worked.
Work was great had two training workshop and felt so buggered afterwards talk talk talking in front of a class of 25 adults is draining.
So hopefully I am going to sleep better tonight
And.... the scales were down this morning OMG I was so happy as I have been tracking (still having treats) but keeping within points.
Doing better and focusing on me and seeing the scales coming down yayyyy
Got my trainer on Wednesday and a little nervous as it has been a while but so looking forward to it.
Work has been full on but some great things coming my way. So feeling great about that at the moment.
Tracy. I hope things are going well with your mums operation. Thinking of you.
Been thinking more about the food that goes in to my mouth in the last couple of days and trying to make better choices but not being boring. As long as I am keeping within my points I am good.
I am sitting here updating my blog and Charlie is looking at me from the ground GRRRRR so now I am feeling like I have to rush this so I can take him for a walk. Yukky rainy weather and it is Quinn's turn to take him. Grrr Quinn.... stop being out with friends.
Woke up this morning early as C had to be taken to a school gala where he was volunteering and making coffee's from a coffee trailer. C wants to learn how to make coffee's so it when he needs a part time job while studying at Uni (if he goes) then he is set.
Then had to take mum to the shopping mall so she could do things and then Q had to be taken to meet up with friends as they were going to Raglan with his friends parents.
THEN.... we were going a my best friends place to pack things as tomorrow she moves in to their first home. So excited for her... her and her hubby deserve this. Bit jealous as she is having exciting things happen but not jealous of her. I just want a challenge or something happening with me so I don't feel like my life is boring. I know it isn't but you know when others are excited about something and you don't have anything at the moment ya get a little jealous.
Got a Facebook message from my old trainer today saying she was thinking about me as she went through some photos of the boot camp and tough guy gal challenge and all the fantastic things we did back a couple of years ago. She asked if I wanted to come to her kick boxing classes she is having in her garage. OMG I jumped at it.
So excited... this trainer kept me going and really helped me so much with my self esteem etc. So J and I are going to go every Wednesday night OMG I am so excited but really really scared as I am sooooo unfit compaired to what I used to be with her.
It feels like it is all happening again and I feel like this time I am going to kick some of my fat butt.
Food... food is my problem.... I need to sort out my food. I love food so much at the moment. I have a problem with sweet stuff... I never it had it before... never worried me if I had anything sweet ever... but now grrr.
So. I know that there are at least 18 people reading my blog at the moment. Come and chat.... stop being in the background LOL... I don't bite :-)
Total lost since 2 January 2016 : Gain 200 grams Total loss to get to 119.9: 25.9 Kilos to go
Losing weight takes concentration.
I need to sort out my food. I am going to the gym with J once a week at lunch time and going both days in the weekend with Quinn and J. Stress at work doesn't help at all either. I need to make myself a priority. I know this and I know what I have to do but had no reason to do it. Not even my health. Brought myself a Gear2 watch a week ago and it has been making me sort myself out. I am trying to keep my heart rate at the right level for weight loss. I have tried to do at least 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week. Even if it is getting off my fat ass at work and walk for 15 minutes and then walk 15 minutes back. It is sort of helping with my stress levels at work. The food is doing my head in. I have never been a sweet tooth person usually been a cheese, potato, chips sort of person. But it has changed in the last couple of months and doing my head in as I want chocolate ALL the time. J dropped me and charlie off on the side of the road so that it would take me 30 minutes to walk charlie home today. It was nice as it was a different route. When you are walking around the block it is always the same and I am bored with it but I didn't feel like going down to the lake or river as I get a bit bored with doing the same route again and again. Was a lovely day today. The sun was shining. Charlie was happy and it wasn't stinking hot in the middle of the day. I love Autumn. Had a huge heart to heart with J last night as I am so stressed at work and working 50 to 60 hours a week and my health is suffering and gaining weight is so not what I want anymore. In the next couple of weeks I am going to get as much of my work up to date and then I am going to try and stick to only 40 hours a week only. I am going to do at least 30 minutes a day of walking or gym and food is going to be better. I want to be the chubbymum that was happy when at 119 kgs. I know I need to be smaller than that but losing the BLEEP BLEEP weight again is not exactly making me motivated. So getting back to the 119 is an aim. I have a motivation now... not a cheap one but motivation at least. If I can get down to 119 kgs then as soon as the 119.9 comes up hubby will help me to get something I have wanted in a while but my weight is letting me down (in my head)
Total lost since 2 January 2016 : 1.7 kgs (3.7 lbs)
I didn't realise that it has been a week since updating my blog. Also for some reason the comments want to be monitored by me when I didn't have that happening.
It has been a lot harder being back at work and trying to be good with food. I decided that I am not having snacks in between meals as it was doing my head in so I am having good main meals and if I want something sweet I will have it after dinner.
With my head right at the moment and thinking that I am going to lose 500 grams a week and not worry about how much I have to lose. If I don't lose a kilo I used to get mad so it has been better for me.
Christmas and being home all day which is hard with all the food. Plus with the rain the last week I haven't got off my arse to go for a walk.
Hmmmm I should have done more but had a depressed week and sat down instead and thought of ways to sort out my mind as this is what is letting me down.
My aim is for 500 grams a week and I did more. If I lose 500 grams per week that is 26 kgs in a year.
Went for a walk with Charlie and Jeremy this morning for 30 minutes... man it was hot out there at 10 am.
Took mum out to Frankton markets today and what a let down that was.... it was deserted and not many stalls. Grrrr.
Got home and thought what a lovely day to go for a bicycle ride OMG NOT!!!!! I haven't gone on the bike in such a long time and when I brought the bike I was down to 119 kgs grrrrr and so unfit. Going up the hills almost killed me. The heat almost killed me and I almost killed me lol. We went for 32 minutes. But I did it and I will do it faster and better next time. Baby steps baby steps CM.
Got back and went for a swim in our pool, man we needed that.
I am getting back in to this blogging thing.
I was a little worried about getting back to blogging since it has been 8 years since I stopped but I think it is better to write it than to bottle it.
Had a meltdown today with all the things I want to achieve and not having enough time and feeling like I am doing everything for everyone but myself.
Jeremy made me realise I can only do what I can do and that I need to make a list and try to achieve all that I want. I can't seem to sit and do one thing without worrying about the fact that I need to do other things. So my card classes suffered when I was doing weight loss and my weight loss suffered when I did my weight loss. I couldn't seem to sit and do my crafts when I had even gone for a walk or done the gym because I felt guilty that I wasn't doing more exercise. I know it is stupid but that is what I am like. We are spending so much time taking Quinn to his inline hockey as he plays for the school team, the club, DJ's on Friday (for money) and referees and then the training as well as the games. Corbin has his archery. Mum goes to Bingo three nights a week so we have to take her and pick her up and then the 40 to 50 hours a week I work. Where do I get the time... when there are dinners to make and chores to do and and and and.......
He is the most amazing husband ever and he listened to my rambling and my crying and feeling like I have to wait for the boys to be older before I do anything for me. He said that I just need to be realistic and I need to plan. OMG I have 40 things on my to do and they are big things not just make a card etc..... so I have made a plan for different things for the year and broken them down in little chunks to see if I can get it done.
Once that was sorted in my head (we went to the park and walked the dog while talking about this so we could work on solutions).
That afternoon we took Corbin to Archery Direct to have a go in the lanes as you can hire them for an hour at a time. Corbin was having a ball of time. He isn't really good at showing it though as he is very much an introvert but I think he had fun. He brought himself a case for his bow he got for his birthday in August and a case that goes on his waste for the arrows out of the money he got for his Christmas present from his uncle and aunt.
I got back in to doing some digital scrapbooking last night too. I love doing my digital scrapbooking but got out of it because I was being too much of a perfectionist instead of thinking that I need to get the story down. The whole point is to tell the story for us and our children for the future... I seem to forget that sometimes.
Yes.... I am a nutter..... I have major anxiety issues which have been getting worse and worse over the last 8 years. I am learning to combat them and I have been reading some blogs where bigger people as they loose their weight feel less and less anxiety as they get smaller... so let's do it...let's get this bloody weight off lol.
Got up so early this morning to drive Quinn up to his Grandparents (well up to the camping ground they are managing for the next month in summer) It takes 4 hours from our place to get to Otautu Bay in the Coromandel
Charlie and I in the front passenger seat.
Nosy dog hates it in the back of the car. Spoilt brat. He got up and down and up and down on the seat so many times I wanted to strangle him lol.
Driving up to Coromandel
Beautiful isn't it.
Top of the hills
Quinn and I on the beach. My hair is all over the place.
I look soooo fat and squinting GEESH!!
Grrrr hate photos and hate it more when your youngest son
is taller than you at 14 years old.
When we got to Jeremy's Dads we all went for a walk along the beach.
Jeremy (hubby) and step mother on the beach. She hates photos as well but at least she can wear shorts and not feel bad in them lol. Great person. Love how relaxed she is. Love spending time with her.
Jeremy's Dad pointing out the tourist spots and just so proud to show us around the Bay,
Pohutukawa Tree was just beautiful I had to take a photo.
I cannot say food was wonderful today to be honest. Not happy with myself on that. Back to it tomorrow.
I did do a lot of walking and lots of sitting. I have done so far 7,603 steps so far so I have managed to get my 6,000 steps at least today. I did more.
Have a great night everyone. Hopefully your day was better?
I managed to track my food and I am under my daily points yay. I had a lot of food and by dinner felt really full and still stayed under points.
Loving my new computer. I pointed on the screen to my husband and forgot that it was a touch screen arghhhh need to get used to that.
I read the following post from Kathy was a great post that I wanted to put on here. I totally get it because all my life I have felt like this but it is just getting worse and worse as I get older and the fear of losing my mum and my job and I am always anxious about everything. Work tells me how great I am and I have been promoted and promoted in the last 8 years and I still don't believe that I am good enough. I just don't know how to change how I react. I love the way she articulated this post. Well done Kathy.
Spent the day looking at carpets, curtains and lounge suites as we are updated our lounge. I have had the same for 14 years now when we built our house and I need to update it now.
We figured we will get the carpet in first and then look at the rest after. It is exciting as we can change the whole look of the room and it is a room we spend a lot of time in and so do guests. I have a lot of autumn colours at present with reds, golds, beige and accessories are black. Hmmmm writing that doesn't sound good but it does look good and friends that came over tonight don't know why we are changing but we need a change. I want to go to a black leather lounge suite with neutral cream carpet, and the accessories to be orange and teal. Hmmmm I know it sound weird but I have seen what I sort of like.
I want to put some photos on here but have none on my computer and still trying to get used to it.
Got back and took Charlie for a walk and I was sweating like a pig with the heat but felt so much better for it.
My aim for a couple of months is to reach 6,000 steps a day because in my job I just don't make it every day. So any exercise is good exercise so I will give it what I can to make this work.
I feel like I am back on track with blogging and with tracking and this year is going to be great.
Got up late today as we are on holiday until the 11th. SUCH FUN
I had a problem with my computer and it crashed so I couldn't do anything on it and Jeremy said let's go and look at a new one for me. Corbin has had two computers since I got mine and so yayyy it was my turn.
We went to Harvey Norman to look at some as they had a 5 year no interest deal on. There were so many computers and so many prices that I didn't know what to choose. Jeremy (being a computer consultant) told me the choices but I didn't want a new computer that was the same as my computer I had now. I wanted a laptop with the side number pad but also a touch screen as what is the point of getting a new one without the bells and whistles.
Arghhh so so so many different computers and they all look the same. So I said I would come back as it was just too much. I mean did I need to spend that much money on a computer really? Should I just get mine fixed bla bla bla. I needed to get out and Jeremy said let's go to another shop and see what they can offer.
One of Corbin's friends is working there in the holidays and managed to get us a deal. Now I didn't tell him that they were already cheaper by $480 and he got another $200 off it and asked what we thought that deal was like... I said I will take it lol.... so funny as he thought we were joking and also he gets commission so he was in heaven but he sooo didn't realise that I was also. I mean $680 off the price arghhhh.
So I have a touch screen laptop with big screen and light as and the keys light up when using them but go dark when not using them... and the keys don't stick woohooooo.
Teenagers were sooo jealous. We also brought a laptop for Quinn as he hasn't had one in 3 years as he ruined his one grrrr and I refused to buy him one so he has been using ours for things. I said I would pay for it but he would pay us back for half. He is DJ'ing so gets money so it will take a while but that is ok. Have to teach him the value of money.
I have been good with tracking my food and a comment tonight at a friends place (as we went out for dinner) was you are being good. I was..... there was chips, dips, nuts sitting in front of me grrrr and I was so tempted but didn't. I had dessert but asked for a small plate and I got a small plate it was good for me. I am learning. Even lunch was subway as I wanted to choose wisely.
I hope you are all doing well. Tracy are you going to be blogging? Ally.... can you email me at chubbymum @yahoo . co . nz?
Hope you all had a great day.
Steps sucked today 5840 only and I did get out for a 20 minute walk with the dog. That is ok. I feel great anyway.
Today was chill out today with exercise as I have been walking or going to the gym or swimming every day for the last week.
Food has been sucky because of Christmas and new year's and I did have a huge melt down on the 30th December because I had once again gained but I have to realise that this time of the year is the hardest time of the year to lose weight.
So Saturday's are my weigh in day's and I have a A5 size journal I am taking around with me every day to write in my goals which I have made for the next year and then I have broken them down in to 3 monthly goals and then monthly goals and then down in to weekly goals. It started on Saturday and I am going to try my hardest to keep to them.
Tidied my craft room today with Quinn as it was doing my head in and I wasn't getting in there to make cards or to do my project life or make signs to sell. It was a great clean out and I managed to make one card before dinner was ready.
Raining outside today so today was an exercise free day. I quite like having Sunday's free to relax so might be the day off each week from now on as I need to focus on my food more but still work on the exercise.
Jeremy and I are getting up every week day morning at 6am to go for our walk with Charlie our dog (below). This little mungral is hard to walk with as he stops to sniff or pee all the time. Walking used to be good before Charlie. But I love him anyway. Since we have had him I walk less as it is just a pain lol. But we are going to rectify that.
So on the 2nd January 2016
I weighed in at 145.6 kgs
UG!!!! by December 2016 I want to be 119 kilos or less.
So that is just over 500 grams a week.
If I lose more then fair enough but if not that is my aim.
I want to wear my skinnier clothes in my wardrobe.
I want to feel happy again
I want to feel energetic again
I want to fit in to the plane seat when we go to San Francisco in November 2017.
I want to have my confidence back at work again and not feel like a blimp all the time
I want to be taken seriously for promotion and not a lazy fat woman
I want to run on the treadmill
I want to stop pulling my shirt down so my tummy doesn't show.
I want to wear short sleeves
I want to get back in to my light blue jeans
I want to wear my jean shorts again and not just stand in them but sit and be comfortable.
I want to do the 5km Huntly walk on the 20th March 2015 and not chicken out because of being aware I am big
I want people to actually notice I have lost weight.
I want to stick to it this time
I want to go to my BIL and SIL's place and not feel fat and ugly because of how natural she looks.
I want to tie my own shoes and put socks on without struggling
Roll on next Saturday when I will be weighing 145.1 kg's at least.