Thursday, 30 June 2005

GRRRR Receptionist

Full on day... I decided I would get my walk in before anything else today.

I went to my weigh in last night and stayed the same OMG I was gutted... I know I Know it is better than gaining but I wanted to be a 130's girl I really wanted it and I only had 1 kilo to go. I just feel I have been doing really well and wanted to loose this week. Oh well not this week but it better be next week. I have had my monthly this week to so that wouldn't have helped.

I went for my 4.5km walk around the lake and felt fantastic afterwards. I went early this morning just after I took oldest son to school. It was an ok day but it was fantastic to walk around the lake and just think and listen to my music. It was great to not have anyone else but myself and not have kids to stop doing things they shouldn'tand forever saying slow down or come on or I will walk on you.

Then took my mum over to her friends house.

Went to my son's soccer practice and drove in the new red (second car) we have brought... I feel like a little hoon in it as it has one of those big exhaust pipes and is a two door and rather sexy looking. I do get people looking when I drive down the road. Not too sure if they are thinking OMG a 34 year old woman in a car like that or OMG a big woman in it instead a teeny bopper he he he he.

So far today I have done 9534 steps today.... soooo happy with that today.

Phoned my new boss today to see if there was anything that I could read up on before I start my job. She was impressed I think. I just didn't not want to be prepared.

One of the creche teachers said... hey our new receptionist OMG I felt like going off my nut... I know it sounds bad but I don't think they would be paying me what they are paying me if I was just a receptionist I am the Office Administrator/Manager... there were other mums around so I didn't say anything but felt like really small. It isn't because there is anything wrong with being a receptionist just that I have been dealing with financial accounts and research money for most of my life that I felt like a teenager again!!! and I have worked too hard to go back ya know... OMG this does sound rather shallow but I am trying not to be.

So anyway I have this thick manual on Ministry of Education funding argghhhhhhhh
I have had major cravings for sweet things this week.

Ok I have bored everyone enough tonight...
posted on 7:53 p.m. >

Monday, 27 June 2005


I had skipping writing in my journal nowadays but last night we went out to a friends Beef Burgundy Bonfire night for the rugby and it was a great night and the food was fantastic and I didn't overdo it!! I had a great night. Felt good to get out without the kids and just have some fun and hubby was very romantic too which was excellant he he he.

Took my son to his soccer yesterday as well and he won the game 4 to nil woohooo.

Just got back from a walk around the lake today woohooo it was bloody cold but it felt good that I got my exercise done for the day. Took at hour to get around because half way around the kids wanted to go to the park. It took 6,000 steps for the walk around the lake so I felt fantastic when it was finished.

Hubby is out doing the lawns at the moment and I just feel like something is wrong at the moment!! You know how you know everything seems right but you have a feeling something is different... hmmmmm can't really explain it. It might be that I am feeling up in the air about leaving my current job and starting a new one. I can't wait to start my new job next month. I am really nervous about it whether I will understand what they are teaching me or whether I would fit in with the others..... but I am going to try my hardest because they way they were talking it was like they wanted to groom me for taking over the management of the place so they can start another creche up... so crossing my fingers that I do learn fast enough and that I get promoted to managing the place as I would like the opportunity.

Cooking a roast beef at the moment and the smell is just waffling through he he he.

I so want to loose a kilo this week but have my monthly and don't think it will happen! I think I am on track lately with eating and exercise but I do feel a little apprehensive about weighing in because of my TOM and because I have been lacking motivation lately that I haven't been loosing as much as I should. I want to be in the 120's and I am wishing it will hurry up. Yeah I know I keep on being told by the WW ladies and my doctor that loosing more than a kilo a week isn't good that 500 grams a week and I would be more likely to keep it off for the rest of my life and that is what I want to do. I don't want to loose it too fast as it didn't take a year to put it on and it isn't going to take a year to get it off...

Anyway on that note I am off to finish getting dinner ready and I will be having a bath tonight and going to bed early as I am soooo tired.


Saturday, 25 June 2005

On a high and low - Resignation

Where have the last couple of days gone?

I handed in my resignation yesterday!! OMG OMG it was stressfull and boss was sad but she couldn't offer me what the new job could.

OMG I went in for another meeting with my new place of work on Wednesday and there are so many perks and all up getting paid more and they are flexible and she said that my referees just made me shine and one of the referees said that she would hire me again in a shot and was thinking about offering me a job... but she phoned that night to say that what I got in this job she couldn't offer me but if there ever was one that was good enough (moneywise) she wouldn't hesitate. Wow... talk about a big head I am getting he he

Points that I just couldn't say no to so I took the job.
  • Flexible with me and my son's
  • Parents with kids get first choice in holidays
  • Creche fees halved for me
  • The Director wants to hand over her work to me so that she can work from home and start another childcare. (so in effect I could end up managing the place one day... such a great opportunity
  • Holiday program they are trying to start up for the parents that work there school children (free)
  • Flexible in the days I come in if I have to go to something special.
  • Great staff working there and sooo friendly.

Went to a fish and chip evening there for the kids last night and just before it started my new boss said she had told the girls I was the one that accepted the job and she said there were shouts from the girls as they were excited and didn't think that I had applied (he he he I hadn't) They all came up and hugged me and said that it was fantastic and they are soooo glad. Wow it blew me out of the water. You should have seen BLONDE's face when they started saying nice things... she walked away like she was busy but then did mention it today at morning tea that the response was full on yesterday he he he

So anyway the other staff in my department (where I work now) were told yesterday after I had left at 2pm and I had 15 emails this morning saying they were going to miss me and I couldn\'t get any work done today as the professors and lecturers were coming in to chat and find out why I was leaving. It was soooo warming I just couldn\'t believe it. I have never had a work place do that before it was a big warm and fuzzy that was for sure. I was sad but happy at the same time.
The last couple of days have been big Warm and fuzzies and blowing my mind really.

And best thing of all!!! I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOO skinny today and the top I was wearing today I had so many compliments... it is a dreary day and thought I would wear a bright orange. It used to be tight on me but the arms were baggy and the shirt seemed longer or something he he he. So overall the last couple of days have been like being on drugs he he he

OK I will go now or you will all be going OMG could it get any sickening he he he
Love ya all


Wednesday, 22 June 2005

2nd Stone

I went to my weigh in today.

I lost 1.4 kilos!!! 1.4 kilos!!!!

I am so pleased I am back on track.

I finally got my 2 stone now I have lost altogether 12.7 kilos

How fantastic is that!!

We have done a 6 week challenge at Weight Watchers tonight and I have set a challenge for myself of loosing 4 kilos in six weeks. I am going to try my best to do that!! I really am!

It was nice not to have BLONDE there tonight I am so glad that she isn't going anymore as I can now just concentrate on me and not on everything else associated with her and her son.

I have solved my sweet craving this week. I have been having problems just before my monthly of sweet took so I had a pinky. Yes it is chocolate but the points aren't that bad and it solves my sweet craving without going to a block of chocolate and if I have one piece I would not stop there.
Anyway I am going to leave it at that.

Thanks for listening guys

Tuesday, 21 June 2005

Told the Boss

I told the boss today!

Walked into work and had a really upset tummy all the way in to work this morning.

I walked into her office and said can I have a chat and she said yes and I closed the door. She looked at me with a frown and said "uh oh is everything ok?" I looked at her and said no and told her about the job offer and told her what I was thinking and you could see it on her face that she wasn't happy to be loosing me but she couldn't do much as there are redundancies and she said she didn't want me to go at all but I have to do what is right for me. She said she can't guarantee anyones job at all. When reading back on this it sounds harsh but she was shocked and she was upset because we do get on so well.

Anyway.... just been for a walk and not in the mood for writing too much I will update more tomorrow.

Did my 50 minute walk tonight in the fog OMG was I cold at the start then hot when I got back.

Good night everyone feeling quite depressed today and just need to go to bed.

Chubbymum :-(

Monday, 20 June 2005

Lake Walk

For some reason my thighs hurt me today. I went for a walk around the lake again today 45 minutes it took us. On Wednesday it took me 50 to 55 minutes. It was a lovely day to go for a walk. I feel like I am getting addicted to walking it is really strange. I meant I used to really hate walking HATE IT I tell you! I was telling hubby that on the walk today and he said that I once would have done anything to get out of doing exercise and I would sit in the car and not move so I suppose I am doing much better.

I was a little bit boring with my food today... with running around for groceries and with going to the lake and then looking around car yards for a car so that I can take up this job offer the food wasn't anything that I wanted to think about.

ToastRoast Beef (leftovers)

Roast Beef Sandwich (yeah original aye he he)
Lite Sour Cream

Pinky bar (yummmmy I haven't had one is ages)

45 minutes around the lake

I didn't have anything else.. not really good in the balanced meal for the day really but hey things were just really busy.

When I walking around the lake today I swung my arms so that I got a little bit more of a work out in my arms and they are really sore tonight ouch.

So nervous about speaking to my boss tomorrow... I don't want to make things worse at work for them as they are great people.

We are watching Garfield the movie at the moment and it is soooo cute and when Garfield is dancing we all just wanted to dance along with him he he.

Anyway everyone thanks for listening. I think I am getting back on track now and I have been posting regularly now instead of once or twice a week. So something must be right.

BYYYE ChubbyMum

Sunday, 19 June 2005

Thanks! Want to keep it off

Not much to tell today. I had a baddd night sleep still trying to work out what I want and after the meeting last night where they offered money and more money off the creche fees and then talking and talking and talking to my hubby he said... this year they are going through redundancy and what happens next year when they don't get the student numbers again are we going to go through redundancy again?

I showed hubby wrote I wrote in here last night and he said that I haven't told all of my feelings and the fact that I am a worry wart and if I had to go from now till after August worrying whether I have a job or not and in August/September we have the boys birthdays and then Christmas after that. I have had my oldest and now my youngest in there for 5 years and I have felt comfortable that they are there and they have purposely built this new building for the creche and it is fantastic and the staff turnover hasn't been that bad and then when they leave to say go overseas they come back so when you look at it like that you start to realise there must be something there that they come back to...

I do like the ladies that own the business and I do get along with all the teachers and I do think I could do the job.

The other thing I didn't mention is that I like my job but it isn't challenging and that I do have a GREAT boss but really is it right staying just because of my old boss?

I don't know I am torn but I suppose any new challenge and people will be torn.

I am going to talk to my existing boss on Monday and tell her what I am thinking and say I will take voluntary redundancy that way the ladies that have been there 30 years and 15 years won't have to fret either I mean they are all over 50 and fretting on how they are going to find another job. I don't want them to go through that. One lady has a son who is disabled and hubby is at home looking after him and she works and the other lady her hubby just went through a major heart surgery and then had a mild heart attack a couple of weeks ago.

I know that I shouldn't be thinking of them when I decide and I haven't decided 100% but the challenge is definatly something that I need. I have got my job so under control that I think in a way I am sooooo comfortable and I am even doing my bosses job because she is overloaded and says go through her desk and take anything I can do..... She also said the other day that whenever I am away she always knows that she can find everything because I am so thorough. When I thought back on that it makes me sound anal but I think it is because I am bored! Not unhappy with my work but bored and so then when I am bored I tend to organise.

Took my boy to his soccer game today POURING down with rain and they were slaughtered.... the kids there looked so much older and our team seemed to be defending the whole time and couldn't get to the goal at all. But they learnt something today that they have to go for the ball and not just sit back and wait for it to come to them.

We just had a lovely roast and it was delicious... usually that is a Sunday dinner but with the weather it just looked the sort of day to have it yummmmmmmy.

The other thing is is if I take this job offer then I can go to the gym on Monday and Tuesday in the morning with my friends and then during the night and can afford it... maybe can afford it. If I have to get another car then that might be hard but I don't want to worry whether next month or in the next two months that I won't have a job it just feels like I am putting my life on hold.

OMG I am talking about this job soooo much but I can't get it out of my mind.

Tomorrow I am going to do some more walking!!! have been slack in the last couple of days but with this cold I am not worrying too much. I have come to the conclusion that 500 grams a week is all I want to loose because they say the slower you take it off the long you keep it off AND BOY I WANT TO KEEP IT OFF.

Good Night


P.S THANK you EVERYONE for the comments!! You are the best and you make me happy to have you as friends!! And I do value your comments and your help.

Saturday, 18 June 2005

Totally confused... Need help

I have a little bit of a dilemma... need someone to help me. I have told a friend today but she was sort of looking at me like I am looking at you really I don't care...

Well I went in to take my youngest to crèche today and I walked in and Nikki said "I want to offer you a job" I sort of looked at her as if to say huh? only because I did enquire about it (with the girl that is leaving) and asked her about the hours and what the job was like and she said I could do it if I had done accounts before... yeah I have done accounts payable and receivable and I deal now with research money now at the University.

But she told me the hours are 3 days a week from 9.00am to 5.30 but it doesn't work with me having to pick up my son from school and that is why the lady is leaving as she has 4 kids and it was too much for her.

So on Wednesday Nikki said "are you applying for the job?" I said no because the hours basically suck and I have to consider my boys and she said "but could you do it?" I said yeah I suppose I can I mean I haven't seen the job description and I don't think it would be that hard.

Then Nikki left it at that so I thought that was it and when this morning she offered the job she said she could work around the hours as long as Friday I worked from 9 till 5.30 then the other days we could negotiate. OH MY God I was blown away I just didn't know what to say, I didn't even show my CV to her and I haven't applied or seen the job description.

I am in a bit of a dilemma though because I am torn. I mean as you all know I am going through redundancy at the moment and I reallllllllllllllllly love my job and reallllllllllly love my boss and if I had the choice I wouldn't leave but what if at the end of the year I am the one that is made redundant what then? I think I would like this job at the Crèche but then I have misgivings about it too. OH GOD what do I do? The University has unlimited sick leave and are REALLY flexible and I don't want to leave my job and I wouldn't be even considering it if there weren't threats of redundancy...

If I took this job then I would have to buy a car because with J starting work at 8am and my oldest has to be at school at 8.30 and then me if I start this have to be at work at 9... I just don't know what to do. I don't really want to buy another car as that is extra money we have to spend. But then I wouldn't have to worry about interviewing etc for a job if I do get mad redundant.
When you read this entry can you hear what I want to do? Can anyone give me a suggestions? I am totally torn and can't seem to find someone what would honestly tell me what they think.

I just don't know and I am confused


----- Update -----

Went to pick up my son from the creche with hubby and they called me into the office OMG OMG it just gets even better.

They said that they want me because they really like my personality and in the 5 years that my oldest son has been coming they have really thought I would be great to work with. I mean they haven't even seen my CV? But they gave me a job description and gave me a price range per hour they would pay and it is what I am getting now but around a dollar more an hour... sooooooo that is ok with that.

Then they said that people that work there their children at the creche pay $18 less a day for their child so that is $72 a fortnight we save on childcare and they are also willing to take my oldest son to School on their school run in the mornings and for 2 days I can finish in time to pick him up for school and the Friday when I have to work till 5.30 then I can go and pick him up from school and he can come back with me.....

I asked about proffesional development too and they said that they don't tell you where to go but if there is something that I want to do that I can approach them and they will consider it.
I mean it is looking more and more positive especially the savings on childcare.

I said I would think about it in the weekend and get back to them. I also mentioned that I wasn't looking for a job per say but I was looking as redundancies are happening at the University and I wasn't looking because I don't like my job there just because of money etc. That I would like to talk to my boss that I have now about this and get back to them on Monday.

I have never had this before and still can't get over the fact that they want me. Wow I didn't also thing that my personality was that great but they seem to like me.

I do have a fear that I won't be able to do the job and then I sit back and think OMG this is only an Office Administrator job. But I haven't done FBT.. OH God I don't know what I want to do really... this is sooo confusing how come it is confusing??? sighhhhh

Thursday, 16 June 2005

Steps! Steps! Steps! Steps!

Yesterday I did 10,143 steps

I made itI made it

Over the 10,000 mark of steps... but today paying for it in the fact that I feel like crap and have a cold and didn't feel well last night so didn't update sorry!!!

I will tell you a little secret.. he he he I am going to beat that Jackie he he he he... she is doing fantastically and I want to do it too and since we are the same weight she is keeping me in a little competitive mode but sorry to say I am failing he he he but still a little competition is fantastic...



Wednesday, 15 June 2005

Ho Hum

I have my weigh in tonight!!!

So come back later and I will fill ya in on my weight gain ho hum.... I haven't been a good girl this week but after the huge dinners in the weekend and with the upset with BLONDE I will gain.

BUT I am going to do it next week I AM!!!!!


Well I did it!!!

I did it!!!

all the walking helped with loosing the weight!

I lost 500grams do a little jig, do a little jig woohooooooo.

Yeah it doesn't make up for the 900grams I gained last week but I lost!!! I LOST and I feel fantastic and if I didn't put on last week I would have been right on my way to my second stone of 12.6 and I not far to my 10% of 15.3 wohoooooooooooo

It felt fantastic not having to worry about BLONDE tonight. I was a little pissed of to come home and my mum had said that she had been to my house while I was at Weight Watchers to collect her recipes books.. not that I was pissed that she got her recipe books just that she did it while I was out and knew that my husband would at home. I am not happy about that!!! it feels underhanded and I hate that!! Why does she make me so angry? I just don't I was so much happier and relaxed at Weight Watchers tonight and I was talking to some of the ladies there and we have made a pact to keep going and to push each other so I am pretty happy about that.

Anyway bye byeMy night off from exercise tonight woohoo


Tuesday, 14 June 2005

Called it Quits with Blonde

Ok.. so last night after my little pitty pack on here. I got up out of my chair and went for a walk with hubby. We went 3km in 40 minutes and I felt great. It was good to get out and spend time with hubby to get out and do some exercise.

It has been an eye opener of a day really today. Blonde phoned last night to ask if she could take my youngest son with her and her son to lollipops, my husband got the call and said yes. Well when he got off the phone I just went bollistic because last Tuesday she asked if I could pay for the Weight Watcher meeting for her and me and she would pay me back next Thursday (which is this Thursday coming) so how could she afford to take the boys to lollipops? I was ropable with and was soooo pissed off about it.

Sooooooo.... this morning I sent this email to her! (little background is that we have a deal (that Blonde thought of) that I provide three nights a week dinner all ready for her and her son and my family and she pays for WW $16.95 and the gym $4 a time. I said no but she said it helps her out too and it had been working until the last couple of weeks.)But in the long run it works out even so I don't know why I do it at all anyway... sooooo


To BLONDE: Ok… I have been doing some thinking over the past weeks.

For the last month I have been getting extra food for the days you guys come over but you haven't been coming (and I know you both have been sick) but all the extra food on my budget is not helping us at all when I have to find the money to go to WW as well. Thank you for the last 6 months with doing this with me I do appreciate it and it has helped me hugely and I truly love you my friend for doing this with me. I also don’t feel like you want to be at WW either and this way you can stop and have that money for yourself.

I am a little upset (not at the time last week, but today I am) at the fact that I had to pay weight watchers last week, yet you could manage to take the kids to lollipops before pay day today, I don’t quite get this. Plus getting the extra food in the budget this week and you guys aren’t coming (I know it is because you are on holiday too but you have changed your holiday plans twice now but didn't tell me so I had already gotten the food and you didn't bother to tell me). But then when you aren’t there I have to also find money for weight watchers and it is really putting us in the shit budget wise. I don’t want to keep doing it like this, because I do not and will not get my bills in the shit as it isn’t fair on my family.

I am trying to be honest because I don’t want to loose our friendship but I am not happy with things and I don’t want it to keep going like this. I am not trying to sound like a bitch in this, just telling you how I am feeling as it has just been getting worse… and I do realise you are on holiday this week and that is why you can’t make it but I have gone and got the extra food too ya know!!! It is just not viable anymore for me at all.

Thank you for taking (my youngest) today. It was good that he got to go out with his Godmother and his friend, and he would have loved it very much.


So I know it might sound wrong but I did get an email back from her saying that I was right and that she should have told me when the holiday was so that I didn't buy all the extra food and also have to fork out for the Weight Watcher (which if she isn't going to WW I don't mind paying for but getting the extra food as well just pissed me off)

She said that she was going to buck down after her holiday and get the WW thing going and the gym but I said it wasn't working anymore and that I have been for the last couple of weeks doing the walking and I am enjoying it but she should still go with me to the WW but not the dinner... now I get an email to say no she isn't going to go to the gym or the WW anymore as she wants to eat what she wants to eat and not worry anymore... and that is fine because in the last 5 weeks she has gained.

So I feel free!!!! ok that was a marathon diary entry today but you wouldn't believe how much better I feel because I don't have to fret if she is coming over or not anymore and I can just go to the WW and go for my walks and do it for me and not because of her. I have been fretting for the last 4 to 5 weeks and it is affecting my progress... so I am back on track and I don't have to worry about her and the redundancy and other things... just have to worry about redundancy and my weight loss... woohoooooooo

Sorry for boring you today but it feels good to get it out.

I will update when I get back from my walk how many steps I have done today and my food count woohooooo

Thank you all for your comments! Thank you for seeing me through all this! Thank you for listening most of all because my so called friends don't and I really value your comments.


Well I went on my walk with hubby and WOW it was great to get out again and I feel pumped now and we did the 3km and shaved off 5 mintues of our time so the next walk we are going to go on a further walk.... woohooo

Monday, 13 June 2005

Feeling under the weather

This weekend hasn't been that much for me to talk about really. Did a lot of things but just normal things like going to my son's soccer game and library and out to dinner. But the dinner was fantastic!! can't say it was totally healthy but not bad. We watched the lions verses the New Zealand Maori game while at dinner and it was really exciting. I felt so lazy yesterday and didn't want to do anything. I am not too sure what it was, especially since Wednesday I had done a lot of steps (for me anyway) and I had gone to the gym on Thursday but Saturday I just felt like a blob... I didn't want to go for a walk and I didn't want to do anything but go to the soccer and the library.

I think I might be coming down with the flu.

I have been asked by the same researcher if I want to do more transcribing and I have a contract till October already but I am not too sure. It feels like it takes up too much of my time and I don't really get enough money out of it.

Why do I get in these depressed moods? Maybe it is because I am getting a cold again... or maybe the foods that I am eating? Not too sure really.....

My kids feel like they are on a high today... my youngest cannot keep still and I just want to be left alone... OMG I do sound like a bad mum. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and I think this weekend has been like that.

I woke up with a wicked headache this morning too... yep yep yep thinking it might be a cold that I am coming up with.

Was talking with my friends last night after dinner about what we would do if we won lotto OMG like we would ever win lotto. But I would pay off our mortgage and then go back to study and study Multimedia!!! and my husband would like to go and studying journalism so that would something that we would love to do but would never be able to afford to now we have kids. I want to do something creative in my job... I have two things in my life that I would like to achieve before I die and that is to see Venice and to start a business.

I am not too sure why I would want to start a business but would like to know what it was like and if I could manage it. I have a couple of friends that own their own business and they have time off when they like and things work out pretty well for them. I know at the start it was hard work and I know they spent a hell of a lot of time on it before it got to be successful but I want to do it!!! I do, I do, I do.

I just feel like writing lately. I think I feel like writing but I am not getting to the point of what I want to write. I want to say how bad I have been with my eating lately and how I feel like I am going down a drain and sinking sinking sinking. I am eating the bad things again like cheese and dinner out last night and then took our family out for lunch today and then having pizza for dinner... bad bad bad bad habits that I have started again and I cannot work out a way to get back on track. I have to get back on top of things but how!! in the last couple of weeks it has been getting worse and worse and worse and I want to loose more weight before my brother in law comes home ins September because with him being away for 2 years he will notice the difference.

Anyway I am signing off now... quite depressed!

Chubbymum Well I am updating this at 10pm.. I went for a walk at 8.30 tonight for 40 minutes with my hubby for a 3km walk... it was fantastic. I was so disgusted in myself for the food I had eaten this weekend I had to try and walk it off. We are going to try and do it every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday and have the Monday and Thursday at the gym so lets hope I can keep it up.

Saturday, 11 June 2005

New Warehouse

My day wasn't adventurous today. I have been doing a lot of thinking today about my job (also because we have had major meetings about it today). When leaving my boss had a long chat to me and at least I know that she doesn't want to loose any of us... and she doesn't want to loose me. It made me feel so good.

Picked up oldest son from school today with hubby and he was so happy to see both of us there and for his Dad to watch him sing in assembly with the other kids. Then we went shopping YEP YEP I know pending redundancy but we thought since the Warehouse has just opened another shop here (first 2 storey Warehouse)so we got one of my sons birthday present and we are looking at our other sons birthday present as a bike because I don't want to leave it to the last moment as we usually do.

Pretty boring night really because all I have been doing is transcribing ho hum and I got an email today from my boss saying that they want to give me another 108 hours of transcribing on top of what I have already arrghhhh do I want to... hmmm it is good for the extra money I suppose and I can do it at home.. but hate all the pressure.

Anyway I have to go and do some more transcribing.... sorry for such a boring entry tonight.. life today was pretty boring he he


Friday, 10 June 2005

Son Proud of MEEEEEEE

Well this is the second entry today as I wanted to update what I did yesterday so I changed the date he he he.

Today has been a good day in the fact that I felt calmer or something. I had come to the conclusion that I have to focus on my weight loss and not just on the fact that in a month or so I might not have a job.

I want to loose this weight and while I was on the treadmill tonight I kept chanting to myself... I am going to get to the 20 kilos I am going to get to the 20 kilos... I have to.. and I felt quite good about that. I have been trying since Wednesday morning to get up and get things and do things instead of thinking oh I can't be bothered I will just do it later or get it later.

It is funny how our minds work. I have been fretting about work and about the extra contract with transcribing and how we are going to pay the bills that I wasn't living in the now and was worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.

So I told myself today that I am going to focus on the weight loss and on getting out and walking and walking... I don't have to walk a real long way like others do all I need to do is get out there and get some exercise! I have never been brought up with a passion for exercise or sport and my parents weren't overly worried either but it is fun once you get into it and I have to keep it going.
I don't want my boys to be defending the fact that I am fat. We had my oldest sons friend over after school today and he is a lovely boy and the three boys got on so well. But when we were having a drink in the kitchen this little boy whispered to my oldest son (not so quietly I might add) "your mummy is fat" to which I said "yes I am but we all can't be the same or people would be very boring"

My oldest said to his friend "but my mum is getting smaller and she is working really hard at the gym and weight watchers" OMG if I hadn't of controlled myself I would have been in tears. My boy sounded proud and he said it the right way to his friend and he is only 5 years old.

I am glad he said that because the reason I started loosing this weight was because I don't want him to feel ashamed of me. I really try as a mum to be there for him and for him to want me there and he does and when he sees me in the back of the class to pick him up he is proud and is glad I am his mum. I don't want that to change.....

I am going to loose this weight yes it is going to take YEARS but I want him to be proud of me like he was today... that yes I am FAT but I am not always going to be that way.

For the last two days I have been trying to get my steps up because I have tracked for a week now (not putting it up here) and I have done an average of 4,000 to 5,000 steps a day unless I go for a walk and it felt good because I knew I was still getting up more than normal but for the last two days I have been trying hard and today I have done 8,788 steps up until 9pm and for me that is almost double my normal steps in a day. I haven't quite got to the 10,000 steps yet but I am trying and I am getting better. I just want to try a little harder every day and get those steps up! It is hard with all this extra weight to get moving. I know what it was like when I started (10 kilos ago) that it was so hard and I was puffing after 10 minutes walking and now doing 3km is 35 to 40 minutes is such an achievement for me I feel proud.

So yes I am on a high tonight. And I have to keep up with the posting because it keeps me motivated.


Thursday, 9 June 2005

Walking - Dreaming!!!

Today (Wednesday) was such a full on day it went so fast.

Took hubby to work, youngest son to creche and oldest son to school and help out as a teacher aide there for the morning then went for a 3km walk and it took me 40 minutes which isn't too bad considering I hated walking a while ago and in the last 2 weeks the exercise hasn't been wonderful.

I felt so great doing it and positive and forgot all about my work worries and really did enjoy it.
I did over 8,500 steps today and it was fantastic.

Unfortunatly I had transcribing to do with work and it wasn't exciting to say the least. I suppose it is good to have some money on the side and something I can do at home. Just feels like it takes up my family time sometimes and all I want to do is blob he he he but it is all good.

I had a fantastic talk with hubby last night and we were in bed just talking about everything. If you knew my hubby he is very much a thinker and doesn't say much but does listen a lot that us talking last night was fantastic and him saying what he thinks about a couple of things it really put my mind at rest.

I have been listening to the Tony Robbins tapes again and he makes so much sense. OMG I don't know why people don't realise it until you hear him because it is logical.

I wasn't too good about eating all my food points today but hey I am terrible in the weekends so maybe I can use them then.


Wednesday, 8 June 2005

Weigh in Tonight

I have my weigh in tonight!

Well lets see... hmmm nope nope nope I am not going to loose weight I have to be realistic.
Firstly I had a really nice bath with whiskey (lots) and cheese and crackers (too many to even count argghhhh) then on Saturday night we went out to dinner at an Indian restaurant... OMG I was full after that arggghhhh.

Have had a lot of whiskeys this week and no gym. But I did go for a walk last night (Monday) and I went for a walk on Sunday with the kids and went for a walk on Saturday and went grocery shopping (lots of walking too).

But not expecting to loose the weight but I will be back on tonight to update this entry to tell you he he he he.

I put on a top (that I only brought) and one I wore when I met the girls in Wellington in April and it is sagging in the front a little now.. felt really uncomfortable today because it was sagging.. I suppose that is a good sign. I have been feeling better since not going to the gym though. I have come to the conclusion it is because I had had enough of BLONDE and her son being over 3 nights a week and for the last 2 weeks we haven't had them over because her son has been sick and I didn't want him to give it to my boys so told her not to bring him over. I felt a little stink to tell her that but then I don't want us to have it and she should respect that too.

OMG the dramas with her and her ex boyfriend. I really like the guy as I have told you all before so we have had him over 2 nights this week and playing canasta... what a blast it has been great me and hubby haven't done that in ages. Well she found out that we have been having him over and she has been txting me and emailed me today to tell him all these things about him being paranoid about her cheating on him etc and other things and you know it sounds bad but I believe him... I do think she had been still seeing another guy while there were together and he found a condom packet (used) hellooooo why would she of had that there??? used, starts to make you wonder. She doesn't know I know it but OMG why do people have to cheat? I can never understand it especially when they are only boyfriend and girlfriend... if you are not wanting to be there or cheating then break it off and bugger off ya know!!! don't cheat behind their backs. But I found out that he had loaned her over a thousand dollars to pay off bills so maybe she didn't want to break up till she could give it back to him. OMG sometimes I wonder about her... the continuing saaaggggaaaa of BLONDE amazes me know end. My hubby doesn't trust her at all and keeps saying when I try and talk about her he says "life revolves around BLONDE" meaning that she only thinks of herself and that if it doesn't concern her then she doesn't care.

Not once has she asked how my job is going with the redundancy rounds etc!! but her ex boyfriend asks and is nice enough to ask how I am feeling and if he can help. I mean makes you wonder what he ever saw in her I tell you. It is nice that my hubby really likes having him around too so that is good and love playing canasta.

There I go again talking about BLONDE!!GEESH.

Felt good to go for the walk yesterday. I did a half an hour walk as I had had a busy day. But the walk I did in a half an hour took me 45 minutes in January so I am getting better woohooo
Anyway will update later



I gained 900 grams this week!! I am not happy about it but I have accepted it! I have accepted it because I haven't been that wonderful with food this week. But that is ok because this week I am going all out and getting that back off and more!!!!

Sunday, 5 June 2005

16th Anniversary of Meeting Hubby

Today!!! has been a good day!

I have been listening to the Anthony Robbins (or Tony)first cd and this man is amazing. He makes you think and laugh. I mean I am not a person that laughs too much I smile but don't laugh out loud and I was laughing out loud with it. There was so much in there that made me really think about how I am seeing and approaching things and how I can change that.

I have been feeling down in the dumps about this impending redundancy that might not happen and the reason I was feeling down is because I know we need the money I am earning as well to have the life we are having. But then tonight with this CD I realised that I can find that somewhere else it doesn't mean that I will get made redundant just that there are talks and that hey there are other jobs out there and I have to be positive that it will turn out right because it is not in my control.

I have a friend that wears me down with all the negativity in her life and how she has been depressed and taking tablets etc for years but then I think... do I want to be like her where she only can think negativily and people don't want to talk or listen to her anymore because she is depressing? It drains me enough listening to her and then I sit there thinking do I do that? My hubby says I am not like that and people like being around me but I do see myself like my depressed friend sometimes.

Woke up at 9.30am this morning as mum looked after the boys for us... OMG that was a great relieve. Could have done with a bigger sleep in that is for sure.

Put all the clean clothes away and had a shower and hubby cleaned the shower and down for breakfast then went out to get the groceries and get car registration it was such a full on day and it went fast. By the time we got home it was 3.30 OMG the line at the supermarket was amazing.
Then got the boys rugged up and we went for a walk and the boys rode their bikes. OMG it felt refreshing.

Anthony Robbins in his tape says that we should get up in the morning and not just lie there and then get up. He said get up with a jolt and a spring in your walk and don't think OMG I have to get up... just get up and get out and do some exercise. What he recommends is to get up and go for a walk. OMG I am not a morning person and I have to try this tomorrow morning! So I am going to try it tomorrow.

My hubby took me out tonight to dinner (we haven't done that is SOOOOO long) because we have been together for 16 years tonight. Not married since then, but we have been married 10 years this november but we have been together 16 years WOHOOOO. We went to an indian restaurant (I know what you are going to say OMG points ouch) but I don't care I had a blast with him and really enjoyed myself and I will be good tomorrow and I have been good apart from that so I am just going to have to keep it up and loose more and not fear that I have broken down a little tonight.

I must admit I am on a little bit of a high and there is no reason apart from I have really enjoyed my day today.

Hope everyone else is going fine


Saturday, 4 June 2005

Moody Me Ho hum

Am I getting slack lately in updating or what. Is it the cold weather I keep asking myself.

Things just keep getting worse and worse at work with the fact that our department has been told the academic jobs are safe but they are looking into the administrative staff ohhhh yeah bloody ha!!! like I didn't know it would come down to us. The chairperson said that he is going to put out all the stops so that they don't get rid of any of us. OMG he is fantastic I tell you they are getting facts and figures from all the other universities and are really putting a great case against loosing any of us. I just can't believe it the chairperson before him wouldn't have done that. Plus the professors are all emailing with ideas about how they can save our jobs. I thought with the fact that the academics aren't going to loose their jobs they wouldn't care about us but that isn't true. I still feel so down though!!! I keep thinking about how much we have to save and what we have to do and it is doing my head in. I am not putting makeup on and really am in the no care mood at the moment just getting my work done and not talking and making sure that there is absolutly nothing wrong with my work. Not that there ever was my boss for the last year is always frightened that I was going to quit and find a new job and said she doesn't want that as I am the first one in my job to be forward thinking and that she gets on with sooo.

I think I am doing ok with the weight thing! I am keeping to my points but feel bloated all the time. Not too sure how to solve that. I haven't even been eating too much bread like I used to either.

I have been with my husand 16 years today (this is the day we met 16 years ago) married for 10 though. I thought that he would have at least said something this morning as he mentioned something at the start of the week but he didn't. I know it isn't our wedding anniversary but the date is pretty significant for me and I just wish that he would at least acknowlege it.

This rainy weather here is so depressing! When will it stop. I love winter but don't like the wet weather.

Anyway enough of my mooodyness I will let you go.


Wednesday, 1 June 2005

My weigh in

Feeling a bit better today.

Sorry about my outburst yesterday. I just felt like there was never going to be a job out there that I love as much as this one. In my other jobs yeah they were well paid and full time and the jobs were ok but the bosses sucked!! They were backstabbing bitches or asshole men that loved power and I hated going to work.

But with this job I don't wake up in the morning and think OH NO I have to go to work and I don't take sick days unless I REALLY have to!!! I love my boss she is straight to the point!! It just feels in the last 15 years with my Dad with Cancer and my grandparents dying within 5 months of each other and me with the cancer scare and my dad dying when life was finally getting better! Three of my friends moving miles away... that everything has been on top of me and this last year has been normal and just being able to get on with life and not fear. I hate the fear this redundancy scare has put me in!!!

I know after thinking about it that I have no choice as to what is happening but it is a worry!
I know that others have been through this and I have been through it twice. I just want to plod along in life!!! that is all I want to do! The money so that I can do things with my kids and my hubby is all I want!

BLONDE broke up with her boyfriend (for the third time) today. He managed to email me first and I just don't know what to say but THANK GOD because she doesn't deserve him. Now that she got him to pay over nine hundred dollars in bills that were overdue she goes and gets rid of him OMG (she doesn't know that I know this) and then after all that phones me but as usual doesn't even bother to ask how I am going NEVER NOT once has she asked! It is all about her. I said I had to go because someone was at my door (which was true) but said I would phone back. I didn't only because my life is all I can handle at the moment I don't need to work out hers as well! I don't want to work out hers as well!

Well after all that I went to my Weight Watchers meeting andI LOST!! I LOST!!!! I LOST and didn't know if I would. I went for 2 little walks (20 minutes worth) I lost 1.9 kilos this week and didn't even try… It was weird.

My husband hugged me so tight tonight and said he was proud of me. Don't take that the wrong way. He loves me the way I am but is proud that I am sticking with this. I love him so much I don't think I would have come to this without his support and encouragement in the last couple of weeks we have just been doing this lifestyle change and not thinking about it and it has been good. I sometimes think that doing heaps and heaps of exercise is not getting me to where I want. I know it is good for me and I am going to do some walking but the other stuff like the gym might have to wait for a while. As long as I am eating healthier then that is all that matters to me at the moment.

P.S thank you for all the wonderful comments on my tag board! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! You don’t how much it means to me.