Friday, 10 June 2005

Son Proud of MEEEEEEE

Well this is the second entry today as I wanted to update what I did yesterday so I changed the date he he he.

Today has been a good day in the fact that I felt calmer or something. I had come to the conclusion that I have to focus on my weight loss and not just on the fact that in a month or so I might not have a job.

I want to loose this weight and while I was on the treadmill tonight I kept chanting to myself... I am going to get to the 20 kilos I am going to get to the 20 kilos... I have to.. and I felt quite good about that. I have been trying since Wednesday morning to get up and get things and do things instead of thinking oh I can't be bothered I will just do it later or get it later.

It is funny how our minds work. I have been fretting about work and about the extra contract with transcribing and how we are going to pay the bills that I wasn't living in the now and was worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.

So I told myself today that I am going to focus on the weight loss and on getting out and walking and walking... I don't have to walk a real long way like others do all I need to do is get out there and get some exercise! I have never been brought up with a passion for exercise or sport and my parents weren't overly worried either but it is fun once you get into it and I have to keep it going.
I don't want my boys to be defending the fact that I am fat. We had my oldest sons friend over after school today and he is a lovely boy and the three boys got on so well. But when we were having a drink in the kitchen this little boy whispered to my oldest son (not so quietly I might add) "your mummy is fat" to which I said "yes I am but we all can't be the same or people would be very boring"

My oldest said to his friend "but my mum is getting smaller and she is working really hard at the gym and weight watchers" OMG if I hadn't of controlled myself I would have been in tears. My boy sounded proud and he said it the right way to his friend and he is only 5 years old.

I am glad he said that because the reason I started loosing this weight was because I don't want him to feel ashamed of me. I really try as a mum to be there for him and for him to want me there and he does and when he sees me in the back of the class to pick him up he is proud and is glad I am his mum. I don't want that to change.....

I am going to loose this weight yes it is going to take YEARS but I want him to be proud of me like he was today... that yes I am FAT but I am not always going to be that way.

For the last two days I have been trying to get my steps up because I have tracked for a week now (not putting it up here) and I have done an average of 4,000 to 5,000 steps a day unless I go for a walk and it felt good because I knew I was still getting up more than normal but for the last two days I have been trying hard and today I have done 8,788 steps up until 9pm and for me that is almost double my normal steps in a day. I haven't quite got to the 10,000 steps yet but I am trying and I am getting better. I just want to try a little harder every day and get those steps up! It is hard with all this extra weight to get moving. I know what it was like when I started (10 kilos ago) that it was so hard and I was puffing after 10 minutes walking and now doing 3km is 35 to 40 minutes is such an achievement for me I feel proud.

So yes I am on a high tonight. And I have to keep up with the posting because it keeps me motivated.


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