Tuesday, 31 May 2005


Feeling like crap... we got a letter from the Dean today saying that there will be some redundancies and saying "this can be achieved only through a reduction in salary costs" That he will be meeting with the chairpersons in the next week and that by the 17th the departments have to put forth their plan. So by the 10th our Chairperson has said he is going to have a meeting with us to discuss what the findings were and so by the end of the month I suppose I know whether or not I will have a job.

It sucks and I am fretting like crazy!!!

I like my job!! I like the hours and I like the people I work with. I don't want to loose my job.
So the first deadline for our chairperson is the 17 on what he thinks should be the jobs to be cut. Then I suppose we know by the end of the month. OMG if any of you pray... PLEASE pray for my job this month!! I need all the help I can get. I don't want to leave.

Stress is going to a bad thing for me this month!!! I am not too sure if I can concentrate on this nightmare going on at work and loosing weight!

I am just not sure!!

A sad Chubbymum is signing off :-(


Sunday, 29 May 2005

How do you do it?

What a rotten day!! The weather is horrible and there is was sooooo much rain. We had to drive to Te Aroha (45 minute drive) to play soccer in the morning and the rain was sooo hard that we had to slow down because we couldn't see. It was soooo funny because we got to the field and everyone was in rain coats and umbrellas and still getting wet he he he including me. My umbrella was leaking he he he

They split up in their teams and OMG my son's team won 11 to 7 woohoooo they played so well and with the practice on Wednesday showing them how to get the ball and change direction they were all trying really hard and succeeding. I was sooo proud of him. Yeah I know I say the same every week but with my little man with red hair and glasses I really honestly didn't think he would be a sporty boy he he he but he is proving me wrong and I am glad he is.

I tried to be more energetic today in doing things and not just sitting and food was ok. I have felt really bloated over the last week and think maybe it is because of my monthly but not too sure! I haven't been to the gym in two weeks and can't seem to get the motivation to go! I am using excuses I know...

But on the other hand on Friday night and Saturday night before bed I have been doing my exercises with the dumb bells and the swiss ball and the fit strip that my gym instructor gave me so at least I am doing the resistance trainging even though I have to get some cardio in my life. It has been raining too much to go for a walk. I know I could go for a walk but I reallllllllllyyyyyyy hate getting wet. I might go for a walk tonight and just get out in this rainy weather..hmmmm we shall see.

I am doing some transcribing for the Uni at the moment. I have a contract (apart from my permanent job) and it is driving me crazy. You can hardly hear what the people are saying and I only get like a half an hour here and there because of the kids. I have 6 tapes to do and each hour of tape I get paid 3 hours but at the moment it is taking me longer than 3 hours as I am not used to it. I suppose the more practice the better I will get.

It is 12 midday here and it looks like a break in weather out there. There is a little bit of blue sky hmmmm lets hope it stays for a while.

Our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up in November and we still haven't decided where we are going! I want to go away but then again I don't. I am afraid of going away! I haven't told my hubby this but with all the plane crashes and people getting done for drug trafficking (like Shappell Corby (not sure if I have spelt it right) in Bali)) and I don't think she did it... I really don't think she did but she got 20 years in a overseas prison. I just don't want some arsehole doing that to me. Yes I know that I can't live my life worrying if that sort of thing will happen but I love my family and my life and the thought of something like that happening well it makes me nervous.

I haven't gotten worse since my Dad died 5 years ago. Life is precious and I don't want my kids missing out on having time with me. I fret when we go away even for a weekend without them. I trust my mum to look after them I mean she is with them every day but she can't drive and she sometimes is more worried about the cleaning and laundry to know what they are doing. It worries me and I have said something to her but she just gets angry and says it has to be done... yes it does but when you spend the whole day doing it every day and all week then it worries me that the children will get into trouble and she can't handle it.

OHHHH there is some light out there!!! not so dark.. keep your fingers crossed for me.
I have to get off my backside!! I have to get up and go and do something energetic I just don't want to... how do all of you get up and do it... Leenie I mean 5am in the morning HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT I would be a wreck by the end of the day and then you do more... can you give me some of that enthusiasm please PLEASE.

On that note I am going

Saturday, 28 May 2005


I don’t know what is wrong with my hair colour!! I mean I dyed it last night and no one noticed again… I mean last time they didn’t notice either… It is RED for crying out loud not the sandy colour I usually have and I like it.. my kids said this morning they liked it and they noticed yet others didn’t… it is not a harsh red just a browny red and it makes me feel happy and vibrant.
Went to morning tea with BLONDE and her boyfriend and they didn’t say anything either… but mind you I didn’t think that BLONDE would notice as she never tells me when she notices so I don’t know why I bother.

Another lady we usually have morning tea with that came to get a coffee but had to go was the only person that noticed and she said she really likes it. She is a conservative person so that felt good to know that it wasn’t too much for me as she wouldn’t have said she liked it if she didn’t.
I might put a photo later on tonight (I am writing this in the morning) of what it looks like.
Do I ramble on too much about BLONDE? We didn’t go to the gym again last night as she had the day off sick once again. I swear for such a paranoid person about what goes in her mouth she is forever getting sick. So I didn’t go last night.. I know I know but if you read last nights diary you will understand why I didn’t. But I am going after I pick up my son from school today. My mum said she would watch him while I went and then picked up hubby.

I feel like life is rushing away from me lately. I mean it is going to be the 6th month in a matter of a couple of day… 6 months already ARGHHHH.

The winter blues I think has hit most of the diaries I read.. including me. Posts aren’t being written as much as they were in the summer. I so know how they feel… sometimes it is just too cold to do anything and all ya wanna do is blob.

I have been really laxed about tracking in the last month and about doing exercise.. and it is catching up on me. I mean one of the diary ladies I read is Jaxx (what an inspiration she has been this week) she lost 2.9 kilos OMG OMG I wish that I could loose that amount.

I want to get into the 130’s so much and I can taste it but it isn’t happening. Yeah I know I will get there as everyone keeps saying but OHHHH I want it to hurry he he he. I still can’t believe that I used to be 153.7 and now I am in the low 140’s and soon to be the 130’s Yeahhhhaaaaaaa.
My goal is to get to that 120’s and feel lighter and be able to wear some clothes that aren’t as baggy. I know 120 is still big but for me it is skinny he he he.

How do I get the motivation back that I had? I don’t want to fall on the wayside I want to keep this going. The ladies I work with still ask how I went on Tuesday’s (every Thursday as I don’t work Wednesday’s) so it is nice they still care!

Am I writing too much in my diary?

I sometimes wish there was someone my size was here in Hamilton that I could go to the gym with or walk with that understands what I am going through.

Sometimes I wish I was living down in Wellington just so I could go and walk with the girls down there or that I can go on their monthly coffee thing!! Why isn’t there anyone out there reading my journal from Hamilton he he he. But then again would I spend time with them? Would I get sick of the competition? And as usual back off? I never know what to say sometimes to people.
I find it so much better to email. I am very much an email aholic sometimes and love to find out about people. I am not really a person that likes getting jokes.. too much and I just biff them before reading them…..

Anyway enough of my babble.

Been good today with food so far… .had 2 toast with Jam and a coffee for breakfast so that isn’t too bad!!


Friday, 27 May 2005

Winter Challenge

Yesterday was my day off! OMG my Wednesdays are nightmares. I have them so that I can do the things I can’t get done in the weekends done and to take my mum out but they always feel soooooo overwhelming that I cannot catch my breath.

Even walking to school to get my oldest son was a rush he he he. I did it in 20 minutes and just got there in time for the bell. I felt great going for the walk though and it was nice not to have the kids with me going there. It is sooo hard to get going but once I am walking it isn’t a problem at all.

On the walk home my son wasss sooo happy to be walking home that he held my hand and was just so talkative. It was nice to see. I am a wuss of a mum sometimes. If there is a hint of rain I will not walk to school as I don’t him to get wet. Yes I know he can get dry when he gets home or use an umbrella or coat but I don’t like it. My dad died of pneumonia and I am not going to see anyone else I love get that nasty nasty thing.

Got some transcribing done yesterday too and took my mum for her hair cut and then time just seem to flow and the day was finished.

We went up to bed all snugly to watch lost last night!! It is getting interesting now. But still frustrates me no end as to what is happening OMG I wish they would give us some more clues he he he

Nothing much to tell on the BLONDE situation apart from the fact that she is sick for second Thursday in a row so our kickboxing has been cancelled tonight… yes I can hear your voices… I am going to go to the gym at 3.30 after picking up my son and mum will watch him as I don’t like going there at night without someone with me. There has been some nasty things happening to people walking by themselves in campus lately and I don’t want to risk it. So I am getting my exercise in for today… I have to loose some more weight this week.

I went for my weigh in on Tuesday and gained 400 grams… grrrr which took me back down to 9.9 kilos… but I refused to put that here on my diary on my tracker as I am not going to go under 10 kilos he he he he… I have my monthly at the moment and got it on Monday just before the weigh in so I am going to use that as the reason he he he ALL in the mind is what I think so I am going to trick my mind to not let it gain that weight and this week has to be a hum dinger to get me closer to 12.6 kilos lost (2 stone mark) and then my 15.3 kilos lost which is my 10%. It has to be achieved.

I have put my name in for the Winter challenge that Karen and Katey are doing on the We are slimming website, so I can loose my 10 kilos before 23 September (which incidentally is when my brother in law comes back from the UK) so that he can notice the difference (cross my fingers). That will take me to 133.7 kilos WOOHOOOO.

Anyway I might write some more tonight as I have to get some work done he he he


Tuesday, 24 May 2005


I do tend to talk about BLONDE a lot in here don't I! I think because sometimes she just boils my blood and I don't want to be a total bitch and tell her exactly what I am thinking... or telling her to piss off I am sick of the crap that goes on I put it in here. It is weird when I go back and read my diary and read what I have written as it doesn't seem like me.

Today went so fast and we were short staffed as the other two ladies were away so I found out that I was doing my job and theirs as well today grrrrr.

Left work early because the school phoned to say our oldest son had fallen and hit his head on the concrete... so I was a little worried and when I got there he was ok but took him home... don't like head injury's. I don't think my boss was happy that I was leaving a half an hour early but hey my son is more important and it just goes to show that without us there things don't run smoothly so let's hope that they don't make us redundant.

That is still looming in the back ground and think that June will be horrible with more redundancies happening. I don't know how all of a sudden they are going to get all this work done but no one to do the job!!! How can they justify it?

Well.... I am in the throws of thinking about going into business with someone at the moment.. I can't even tell you what sort of business or anything yet so hopefully we can work it out and go for it! I have always wanted to own my own business. I know it will take a lot of time to get it up and running but I do think in the long run I would like to do this... There is only 2 things I really want to do before I die and that is see Venice and own a business. I have achieved all else that I wanted in my life and I have a fantastic family... so hey!

Food wise has been ok today. I had macaroni and cheese for lunch (not a lot) and homemade waffles for breakfast with banana in like a sandwich (home made ones hmmmmm yummmy) and a muesli bar and lots of water. Had a lovely WW recipe Chicken with Udon Noodles hmmm it was fantastic.

Woohoo another Monday over with!

I have sooo much work outside of work this week.. I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I have 6 tapes to transcribe and also have to update 2 busines websites and I want to make some of my homemade jewellery... GEESH and all I want to do is sit and play on the computer.

Anyway gonna go now!! Hope everyone is having a great week.

LoVEEEEE ChubbyMum

Sunday, 22 May 2005

Brat Boy


I'm back! Well on Thursday and Friday I was really sick with the flu and didn't go to work or do anything but sleep. But feeling better today apart from the horrible cough.

Yesterday was a full on day for me.... I suppose Saturday's are really. We had to get up early to make the shopping list as the day was full and we wouldn't have been able to come back and make the list and go out shopping.

Yep you guessed it another soccer game with oldest son! Yeah I know I go on about it a bit but I am so proud of him. Little background... I have a little red head with glasses and I just never thought that he would get into a contact sport but he is a little cutie!!! His team did sooooo well yesterday. They have 14 in the team and the split the team into 2 and then play two games. So my sons team played and within 2 seconds (I kid you not) they had a goal... OMG they were soooo excited one of the boys was crying (5 year olds huh) but it was a joyas cry because he went to sleep that night telling his Dad that he was going to get a goal he he he and he did...
Then my boy!! OMG he went after a ball that the opposite team had and then they got it back and then he got it back from them and WAMMMMMYYYYYY nothing but net!!! he got his first goal of the season!!!! he was soooo wrapped and the parents were screaming with joy on the sidelines... woohoooooo. So there I am proud of him again... The game ended with a tie... 3 each side. BUTTT the other half of our team got 11 nil... so our whole team did fantastically!
Then when we finished that we went to a country craft fair and looked around. You can get some great fruit for sooo cheap at those and the crafts are really cool too.

Took the kids and my mum home and they stayed while hubby and I got groceries. Did I ever tell you how much I hate groceries!!! Well I do ikkkyyy but it had to be done! We shop a fortnight so at least it isn't every weekend.

Then we had to cook dinner because BLONDE and boyfriend and her brat of a son was coming over for dinner.

OMG I will never invite her over again until she can discipline that child. My two were little nightmares around him and they were just playing up. He wouldn't go to sleep and was screaming so it was like 9pm before he went to sleep and that was only because she laid beside him to get to sleep... and you wanna know why that is!???? because he doesn't sleep in his own bed (he has one and his own room) but he still sleeps with her at 4 years of age!!! she was supposed to get him out of that a year ago.... her boyfriend (while she was getting brat to sleep) said that the other night when she asked him to stay the night had brat boy in the bed with them. He was uncomfortable about it all night and it wasn't at all the right thing to do! I mean come on!!! what is wrong with BLONDE has she got a screw loose or something?

So finally brat boy went to sleep and we had a game of Rapidough!!! FANTASTIC GAME it is pictionary with playdough.. I know I know it sounds weird but it is the funniest game. It is where you play in twos and your partner has to sculputure the word from the play dough and the first team to get it wins. It is a fantastic game. Then we taught them how to play Canasta and BLONDE looked like she was in a mood and didn't want to play but when we finished the first game she wanted to play again... 2am came and BRAT boy was crying and telling mummy that she had to sit with him and had to do this and that and she did... my mum (who lives with us) couldn't keep her mouth shut and said to him "you are spoilt! Your mummy spoils you" BLONDE didn't say a thing but you could see she wanted tooo... and her boyfriend kept hitting me on the knee to say OMG everyone here sees the same thing as me... he was so happy that someone said something.

So he emailed me (when he got home at 3am and said that he told her he wasn't staying again like that it wasn't right... and she said that from Monday brat boy will be in his own bed and he said YEAH RIGHT!

I am glad that he isn't stupid and he sees these things... and I think he must be a greater man than others because in spite of that he likes her so maybe he might be good for her.

OH Well

Food wise hmmmm not too sure. I haven't tracked but still haven't been that bad but don't think I will be loosing this week as I don't feel like it.. plus the dreaded monthly is coming ho hum.
Thanks for the well wishes. Hopefully this is the last cold for a while I have had two in the last month and don't want another he he he



Friday, 20 May 2005


Been sick with the flu the last couple of days.. Still not feeling the best yet either. Had today off work and still feeling like crap!
I think with everything lately it is just getting on top of me and the flu is the way of telling me to slow down.
Thank you all for the comments on my tag board! I wouldn't have done it without all your support. You wouldn't believe how much it keeps me going and how much I need the comments. It keeps my spirits up and makes me keep going.
Good Night

Wednesday, 18 May 2005

Second entry for the day!!!!

Dancing... Dancing!!!!
10 10 10 10
woohoo do a little jig... do a little jig woohoooooo..

I lost 1.3 this week... and I did no exercise!!!
OMG I didn't do any exercise and I lost.... I lost I lost I lost Yeahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa.

10.3 kilos lost altogether now!!!!

BLONDE lost the same amount of 1.3 kilos and she did a lot more exercise than me!

Got my first star to put on my bookmark from Weight Watchers tonight! for my 5 kilos lost!!!

Thank you everyone for listening to my ramblings


Thank You's!!!!

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Kate asked if BLONDE knows about my diary! She knows one exists as I said it in front of her once.. She doesn't know what it is called and that that is why the photos and diary aren't shown on it so that she can't look up diaries or blogs and do a search.

I have been talking to her boyfriend (yep she back with him OMG) and he is so intuitive that it scares me! He knows what she is like but wants to get to know her dispite that... I like this guy!
Thanks you for all the comments about my photos.. I look at them and don't see a HUGE change but I do feel the changes happening. I have been sooo off track the last couple of weeks but haven't gained (so far). This last week I haven't done any kickboxing or walking and I am ashamed of that because tonight's weigh in will not be a favourable one I am sure.

I have to get the motivation back!! I want to loose more! But this winter has taken me for six and can't get the motivated!! How do I get it back! I have a goal to loose more weight before September when my brother in law comes back so it isn't because I don't have a goal!

How do you do it? How do all of you that have past the loss of 10 kilos do it? I mean there is so much willpower and sticking to something? I wish you all lived close!!! I need so much motivation sometimes it is hard to keep going!.

Thank you Margaret... I do see what you mean about the sparkle... with loosing only 9 kilos I do feel better about myself.. my self esteem is much better than it has been for a long time too! A friend here at work hasn't seen me for a month as we haven't had morning tea with each other (we work in different depts at the Uni) and she said "OMG you are getting skinny!!! he was such a boost you wouldn't believe as she doesn't give compliments easily.. he he he.

Sunday I actually took my hubby and boys to the park down the road to play soccer with them. I ran after balls and I played goaly and I tried to get the ball off my hubby it was fantastic to feel like I am living again and not use the "I'm too tired" excuse... it was thrilling. One of my son's school friends mum saw us there and mentioned it on Monday at school how fantastic it looked!
I have tracked this week apart from Sunday and have been keeping under (a couple of points) or within points so at least I am keeping up with that. My monthly is coming I can feel it so this week I will be heavier on the scale too... but I have to take what I get because I have no one but myself to blame for not doing the exercise.

Leenie!!! you are the funniest person I have ever met!!! Love it!!! just had to tell you.

Karen thank you for your email the other day!!THANK YOU THANK YOU... you are gem! One day you will be a mum... I feel it!!! and wow that kid will be the luckiest kid in the world to have a mum like you!

Janine!! Love the hair girl!!!

To everyone that posted a comment!!! OMG thank you for listening (reading) thank you for being there!!!!

Anyway better get some work done he he he


Sunday, 15 May 2005

Wanna See Me?

Hey guys...

If you want to see progress pictures please give me your email and I will forward the web address of where it is!

I am not announcing them unless I know who you are because I don't want BLONDE or other people I am not happy with see them. It is a really personal thing to me and would like to control who gets the address.


Well this is later on! What a day I have had today. We had to drive to R@glan this morning as my oldest son was playing soccer at 10am. It was a 40 minute drive so we had to get up early to organise a picnic and all of the soccer stuff. BLONDE and new boyfriend decided to come along too, but decided to go in their own car. That suited me down to the ground because I don’t think I could have had her son around us too long as I would have just wanted to strangle him.

We got there and my son was put in his team. He played so well today and I was shouting on the sideline encouraging all the boys on our side. They got a goal… they got a goal!!! OMG I jumped up so much I thought I was going to put a hole in the ground he he he he. He played so well…..
the ball was kicked to him and he just kept running and kicking the ball until he came to the goal and it missed but OMG all the parents were screaming sooooo loud as they were excited that he was getting away from the other boys. Well they didn’t win the game but hey got a goal and they did soooo well. Woohooooo

He got Player of the Day!!! He was sooooo proud you wouldn’t believe! My son got a certificate and a little card to get him free French fries from McDonalds everytime he buys a burger… he was more proud of the McD’s card ho hum than the certificate but we were sooo proud.

Went to the playground to sit and have lunch afterwards and that was good… except for blondes boy packing a big fit because he didn’t want lunch… and yes you guys guessed it!!! She didn’t make him eat his sandwiches and tried to bribe him with chips and sweets to get him to come and sit down and yep he didn’t!!!! he did what he pleased!!! I just want to strangle her sometimes and hate having her and her son around my kids as they think that they can do the same thing NO NO NO that is not going to work with me. You could see that her new boyfriend was angry because her son was being a little shit!!! Then when we went for a walk over the bridge and up to the shops she brought him an icecream… I brought my kids one too but THEY deserved it because they sat nicely and ate their lunch unlike her child.

Well after all that we got home about 2pm and made a lovely casserole for dinner and was enjoying just spending time at home relaxing… then the phone call happened!!! Drama was about to start!!! YES you guessed it BLONDE phoned crying on the phone!!

(little background… she has been going out with this guy for 4 weeks. I like him he is really nice and is caring and generous and kind and owns his own business, but he is a big boy and she has been being shallow about the whole thing. She did a list of what she wants and apart from the weight thing every other quality he has. I have told her that she is being shallow and a snob and that not everything is handed to her on a plate. She chose good looking guys for her ex husband and her ex boyfriend and did they work out!! NO and they were complete arseholes)

SSSSOOO now that you have the background (sort of) she phoned crying to tell me she broke up with him. I mean OMG in the matter of an hour what could have gone so wrong!!! He ate something when they went out and she didn’t like how much he ate (cow) She phoned to tell me and she knew what I would say I said “how shallow can you be… sorry but you can’t expect me to be on your side about this” I was pissed to tell the truth… if she was being like that about him what did she think of me (I am bigger than him). She hung up. I phoned and the phone was off the hook and then I phoned her cell phone and said….”that isn’t fair BLONDE you knew what I would say! You knew I wouldn’t have agreed with you but you phoned anyway” she said yes… well I said “I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t tell you would I” she said that he told her to ring me when he was gone.

So I rung him! I said that I was sorry about BLONDE and he was hurt and couldn’t believe that she was sooo shallow but he didn’t want to break up with her. This guy! I tell you has gone through so much in his life (with brain surgery from a mad man putting an axe in his head and went through reconstructive surgery that you couldn’t tell what had happened)but was willing to sort it out even though.

Well BLONDE came to our house this morning and had dyed her hair reddy brown and so on the phone with her boyfriend he said “I really like the colour of her hair but OMG he she trying to be you” I was dumbfounded… I didn’t say a word and he said “are you there?” I said “yes… I am here but didn’t think that anyone else saw that” he said that she told him that she was jealous of mine and my husband’s relationship and she is looking for the same and that she wants a husband just like mine.

OMG OMG I just went silent and he said “that is between us” I said “yes”. There were so many things he confided in me that I just couldn’t believe. One of them was that her son was a little brat and that she bribed him so much with lollies and things instead of disciplining him and keeping consistent… this guy is sooo on to it you wouldn’t believe. While I was on the phone she texted him 5 times and I said to him that he needs to think about what he wants before he replies to her because all the demands in the last couple of weeks she has given him he has tried to change for her! It was time he thought about what he wanted.

Yes this has been a long story! But they talked and he phoned me to say he didn’t tell BLONDE that we had talked and that they were going to give it another try. She phoned later on to say she had been to the doctor’s and he had given her Valium and something else… She is already on antidepressants and now this… how much more does she have to dull before she sorts out her life and go and find some help from a professional.

Why would she do this to herself? I mean she can’t have what me and my husband have!! BLONDE and boyfriend are different people from us! We work because we do!!! Because we work hard at it!! Because we are best friends, because we love each other, respect each other and because we are not unrealistic about what we want in life and in our marriage. That we are best friends and can talk about anything with each other and never have secrets, everything is open and up front.

Sorry that I have written so much but had to get it off my chest! I just couldn’t believe how shallow a friend of mine could be and also how someone that I hardly know can pick up what me and my husband have known for ever! If she keeps this guy then she will not be disappointed because he notices things and he still wants to sort things out! I think about it and then think that this poor guy would be better off finding someone that appreciates him.

Good night


Saturday, 14 May 2005


It's weekend.

Today has been an emotional day. It is my mum and dad's 52nd wedding anniversary... well if he was still alive it would have been. My mum is coping a little better than I thought but you can see she has been crying all while I was at work. I don't know how to help her other than spending time with her and trying to keep her occupied. I wish I could bring him back but I can't. I dream about it and would dearly love it to be that he would turn up but I know after 5 years it isn't going to happen.

Went to work today and there is still this air about that there are jobs hanging but no one knows anything. There is a big meeting with the whole Department on the first week of June so hopefully we will find out then. I have been fretting about loosing my job all week and have come to the conclusion (yeah it took me a week ho hum) that I can't do anything about it and they have to give me 4 weeks notice or pay me for them and then get the redundancy money on top of that so hey I can look for another job and if not I don't know... but I can't control it so I have to go with it and maybe I can have a week off or so just to get myself together.

My eating this week has been ok. I have only eaten one thing that I shouldn't have and that was a Kahlua Cheesecake piece but then I didn't eat it all either. I saved points for the day to have it so I didn't go over in the points.

Didn't go to the gym like I should have last night. I was in a bitch! I mean I was not in the mood at all... I was in a mean mood. I had BLONDE over for dinner still as it was arranged and not fair for me to pull out and then she has to find dinner, it wouldn't be fair.

Was supposed to go over to TGirls for cross stitch and watch tv but I was not good company after BLONDE and her son with this horrible toy she brought him. I swear that boy gets a new toy every day.... she thinks that buying the child anything he likes is going to make him more disiplined... he gets what he wants because she uses it as a bribe... NOTTTT GOOD.

Thank you everyone for all your lovely comments... keep it coming I really love reading them. I am almost to that first 10 kilos... it has taken me a while but I will get there.

One of the mums in my son's class is doing weight watchers and started 2 weeks before me and has lost 18 kilos... Oh I wish I had lost that much but figure that I didn't put on fast so I cannot assume I will take it off fast. They say slowly but surely, and hey it is coming off no matter what and I am ok with that. I got to the stage that anyone that had lost more than me I would fret about it... but I am not going to fret anymore. They aren't me and I want to keep this off forever so it will take me a while to get used to the lifestyle change... but I am going to get used to this.
I am enjoying feeling good in my clothes and my thighs feel good... not rubbing together like they used to do. Don't feel like I have to stretch my tops to make them feel good. 10 kilos is a lot but not enough to get me in to the good weight.

Sometimes I sit there and wonder how I let myself get so big. I know I didn't care that I was putting on weight as I was happy in my life and in me... but was I... think I might write in here about some of the things that I think I was thinking... but not in today's entry in later ones.

Thanks for listening


Thursday, 12 May 2005

Over 10,000 Steps

Wednesday was such a full on day I didn’t stop all day!!


8am I had to take hubby to work and then son to school and talked to his teacher for a while as she wants me to do some parent help every Wednesday again as she said she and the children have missed it so that was fantastic.

8.40 went back home to have some time with mum and see if there was anything she wanted to do today and she said no just want to putter around home.

9am went to TGirls to go for a walk and it was a nice walk we went around a new subdivision and also looking at her section where they were going to build. Went back to her place for a iced coffee (don’t worry it was low fat everything he he he) and went out to get her son from kindy and then got sushi for lunch and watched Dr Phil he he he he was a nice time had by all.

1.30 went home to see how mum was and asked if she wanted to go out but she didn’t so we did house work and I got Corbin’s stuff ready for soccer practice.

2.30 went to school to pick up oldest son and spent some time there watching a power point presentation that the kids managed to do for the parents. Corbin was sooo proud and he kept looking at me for approval he he he. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

3.45 Took Oldest Son to his soccer practice and kicked the balls back in for them to practice and talked with the mums about the game this weekend in Raglan OMG I don’t feel like driving for 45 minutes but ho hum has to be done. Game went till 4.45

4.45 Drove over to get hubby from work and then went to the other side of town to pick up youngest son from Creche.

6pm Got home!! OMG the traffic was atrocious that is for sure.

So I had to get a shower, cook dinner, bath the kids and take my mum to Bingo before 7.10pm so that I can pick up one of the mums for our 6 weekly dessert and wine night out!

Got to the Cock and Bull at 7.30 and then all the mums started to arrive it was a great night and I saved up points for a piece of cheesecake WOHOOOO but it was sooo rich I didn’t manage to eat it all. Ho hum.

Got home at 10.45 and went to bed and couldn’t sleep so I read till 11.15 and then managed to get to sleep… OH forgot to mention hubby was in the bath with a drink when I got home luckkkky sod he he he.

I know it doesn’t sound like much but I didn’t stop all day and I was buggered this morning.
Feeling like I am on my way back to loosing this weight. I have 1 kilo to loose this week to get to 10 kilos and it is going to happen!

BLONDE has gained in the last 5 weeks. Before I went down to Wellington she managed to loose a total of 7 kilos and now she has only lost 3 kilos… so we have to get her back on track.
10,120 steps done today!!!26 points eaten.

Positive thing for me today: Being a soccer mum and my son wanting me to be there! Watching him actually go for the ball and not be afraid of it… my little monkey has red hair and glasses and I always feared he wouldn’t like sports… but he gave it a go today and got the ball off another boy and went for the goal OMG I was shouting so much I had a sore throat and I was sooo proud and the parents were screaming a laughing too… they couldn’t believe it either Woohooo son!

BYE for now


Wednesday, 11 May 2005

Stayed the same

I went for my weigh in tonight!!! I stayed the same... I stayed the same.. OMG I thought that I would gain for sure today!!!



Getting it Out!!

I want to feel positive again! I want that rush again of feeling that everything is going well. This job thing over my head is making me see things all wrong and I don't know how to get out of it.
BLONDE said to me in the car last night on the way to the gym that.... ok let me set the scene first...

BLONDE met a guy on the internet dating and started dating him. She introduced me to him and came to find out that my hubby's brother used to be best friends with him. Nice guy, can talk a mile a minute (but I think that is because he is nervous) and they have been seeing each other... but every monday... yep every monday she finds something that she doesn't like about him...like she doesn't have her independence or he talks to much or GET THIS gives her too much affection... I mean too much affection hmmmm that just does my head in.

Well for the last 4 weeks everyday she has been going on about everything that is wrong with him etc but still wants to work it out with him. I don't know if it is just her wanting me to give her attention on this because it is every day she is saying this or what? I get confused.
I mean I really like the guy for her.. he is geniune and he is kind and funny and owns his own business (so isn't a dummy either). Willing to change things so that it makes her happy. Perfect as far as I am concerned...

I have been waiting for weeks for her to tell me what I know she is worried about and that is that he is a big boy! He has skinny little legs etc but a beer gut!!! but as far as I am concerned that shouldn't be a problem. Last night she finally came out with it that it is niggling at her... I basically said that she has to stop being such a snob! There is nothing wrong with the guy he treats you well and you know that you can't love someone after only 4 weeks it takes time.

During this whole episode (every day for the last 4 weeks) she doesn't even once ask how I am going with work or the kids or anything else... I feel like I am aunt aida or something... I should be a columnist helping people with their problems he he he he.

I had a phone call from my oldests sons school this morning saying that he refuses to have his meningitis shot OMG not today is all I kept thinking. I find it really hard to get a park at work and finally got one this morning and have to give it up to go and hold him for his shots.... I know he is scared but there are a 1,000 kids having the same injection. I felt sooooo sorry for him while holding him to have it but he did it and he is only 5 poor wee man. So it took me 45 minutes to find a park when I got back to work ho hum.

I really am getting this angry feeling when I can't go for a walk lately. Finding it hard with winter to get the motivation... I am such a wuss when it comes to getting wet... so if it is raining I refuse to go for a walk and getting really lazy. I have to get out of that aye!!! Think I might take the chance to go to the gym tomorrow on my day off... might be good for me.

Find it really hard with the kids to get out for my walk and going with them frustrates me no end because we stop and start and I can't get a good flow going. I do go for walks with them but it is much easier to get the exercise done when they aren't with me.

Anyway I have blabbled so much today it is unbelievable. It is good to get it off my chest and not hold it in and I think in the last couple of weeks I have been using my diary wrong... it all started so that I can keep a track of my weight loss and also for me to vent so that I don't hold on to anything....

OK thanks for listening

Ciao for now


Tuesday, 10 May 2005

I want to come back

Ok.. this is the second entry for today.

I am sorry for all you guys having to read my diary the last couple of weeks... what a change in personality I have had.

I have to sit back and think how wonderful my family is and how lucky I am to have them and if I have to I will get a job somewhere if not hey there are other options I am sure.

My diet in the last couple of weeks sucked and I cannot blame anyone but myself for my declining motivation. I have to get off my ass and stop using these excuses.

We went to the gym tonight and got all the way there and BLONDE forgot her sneakers so I we couldn't go in. I couldn't go without her because she brought me there.

I did go for a walk around the lake again this weekend and made myself go faster (because my mother in law came with us he he he... )

I am going to do more to help myself. I want this 20 kilos off this year!!! I have to do it!! not for anyone but myself.

Anyway diary... I'm back.... I hope


Mothers Day Weekend

I can’t say that I am not going to get made redundant but today at work nothing has been said so far (only 11am now). I am upset because it got around that 200 staff will have to go from the University and I so don’t want it to be me. But I have come to the conclusion that I can’t do much about it, but I am a worry wart… really scared to spend a cent for fear we are going to need it.

I had a really good Saturday…my 5 year old had his first soccer game and I was sooo proud of him you wouldn’t believe. He played so well for a little man that has glasses.. he went for the ball and ran a lot and was ok about the sub off and on and he was the first injured too and had blood gushing everywhere from his knee and was crying but he got right back up there and played again so that his team mates could have a break. I was taking photos of him and his team mates before and he rolled his eyes and said “she is forever taking photos guys.. can’t get her to stop” OMG I laughed my head off.. I suppose I am a bit of a photo-aholic he he he but can’t get the memories back if you don’t have something to remember them by. The played well but didn’t win but that was ok… I am a soccer mum now and the team did well for only two practices.

Got a compliment from BLONDE too, after the game as she came and she said that she could tell I have lost weight when she looked at me today…OMG blow me over.. that was the nicest thing she has ever said to me.

Mothers day was good and relaxing and felt privileged that they were my kids. Hubby and kids made a really nice bath with candles and bubbles and put a chick flick DVD in for me to watch and it was fantastic… Hubby made a turkey for dinner (didn’t cook it at Xmas because we won one already) so that turned out sooo well and had hubby’s mum over too.

I still have the worst tummy ache you could imagine and I have been off my food this week because of worrying (geesh I should stop it). I have eaten so much crap in the last week I am disgusted in myself.


Saturday, 7 May 2005

Soooo depressed

OMG I am not having a very good morning. There have been announcements today on redundancies happening here. Five I.T. people will be told by the end of the month and they just made redundant all the caretakers... ALL OF THEM (there is like 20 of them).

I have been made redundant 2 times and I don\'t want to go through it again. It is scarying the hell out of me today. I know that they haven\'t come to me yet and said that I am to be made redundant but that doesn\'t mean it won\'t happen. The Dean (new American guy grrr) was pushing our chairperson to cut costs and the Chairperson wasn\'t keen (just want to kiss his feet he he he) but I am not too sure if he has been pressured more or not!

We just make it on our wages as it is... I can\'t cut anything out of our budget to make it work and where am I going to find a job that it is good with the hours like this one? I like the people I work with and I don\'t mind the job and I like my boss.

I am a worry wart and I know it but don\'t know what to do! I am scared... sooooo scared that if things don\'t work that we will have to sell the house. I love my house and with my mother living with us it is just the right size and we can all get space. We would also have to take QSon out of the creche.. he is in there two days a week and soooo enjoys it.

I know it sounds selfish but for the first time in my life I like my life, my job and my family and it feels like it is going to be turned upside down again.

Why does this sort of thing happen. I mean years ago redundancies weren\'t hardly heard of and people could find jobs but now.... OMG

Anyway a depressed ChubbyMum signing out.

Friday, 6 May 2005


I just got back from the gym and did a Kick boxing class. I haven't been to one in 2 weeks and after today's session I have to keep going. I felt really good afterwards. BLONDE left after 10 minutes as her knee was giving her strife... I said to her maybe because we haven't done a class in a while she was tensing up too much that she pulled a muscle... but you know what that wasn't going to stop me tonight. I decided that I was going to do this hour and that was it.

I am sooooooooo sore now but feeling refreshed. I did miss the exercise... I went to the gym for those two weeks but only on the treadmill and didn't get as much out of it as I thought I had. I have one more kilo to loose to get to 10 kilos (22 pounds)so I want to loose that this week.

I was really down and realllllly mad with myself last night.. We had KFC for dinner. I have been craving KFC since January and so finally we caved last night... especially when I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to cook either. I know it isn't an excuse that is for sure but I did it and it is over with now so we shall see on Tuesday what the results are. I am going to do sooooo much walking this weekend to make up for it as I am angry at myself for it.

When I am out in the car I think of so many things that I can write in here about what I want to achieve like getting in to booths and chairs with arms without feeling terrible and a lot of other things but everytime I think of them I don't have a pen or paper with me and that is sooo annoying. Thinking of finding a lovely little journal to have in my purse to put things in so that I remember to put it here in my diary.

Anyway gotta go hubby wants to use my laptop for a while ho hum


Wednesday, 4 May 2005

Weigh in and Larengitis

Thank you for all listening to me.. venting a lot lately.

Well I went for my weigh in tonight and was off sick today with larengitis (spelling??).

Well I went thinking I was going to gain but I didn't I lost 200 grams... woohooo I am happy now but couldn't believe it at the time. So 9 kilos lost now and I reakon it is better that it is off than on. People keep reminding me that the slower I loose it the longer I will keep it off so hey I am SLOWLY loosing this.

BLONDE has gained in the last 4 weeks but tonight stayed the same so at least she isn't loosing more than me woohoo

OK This week is going to be an up one OK!!! OK!!!

Will update more tomorrow.


Monday, 2 May 2005


Weekend went sooo fast you wouldn’t believe and when I sit here thinking what on earth I did…. I cannot even remember.

Saturday we didn’t really get to sit around doing nothing but found that we didn’t do much at all he he he he he. Oh that is it! Went and took QSon to get his second meningitis shots (poor wee man) and then went home and did things around the house as we were going out to TGirl’s place for dinner. It was a great night and the dinner was sooo yummy. The boys watched rugby he he he such an addiction with males huh.

Sunday we had a little sleep in till 8.30am and then had breakfast and read some books (kids included it was sooo nice) and then at 10.30 their grandmother picked them up to take them out on a steam train. They were sooo excited. We were too he he he wink wink. It was lovely we went for a walk around the lake and it took 50 minutes and we were going a really nice pace… I must admit I hate going for a walk when I feel like I have to go to fast.. I think I would end up hating going for a walk. I also think it doesn’t help my knee as I am all tensed up. The way I see it is if I go for a walk that is better than sitting at home and it is exercise whether you are going fast or slow. What I am worried about is going to hard and then ruining it by stuffing up my knee.

Went to BLONDE’s new boyfriends place for dinner last night. He owns a entertainment business and so he put up a big bouncy (adults size) castle in his front yard and my two boys and hubby and BLONDE and B’s boyfriend and her son got on it… it was such a laugh and I couldn’t stop laughing and giggling and neither could the boys. I felt like I was 5 again and had so much fun that my tummy muscles were given a right old go he he he.

Dinner I cannot say was that great (fattening is what I mean)… he was sooo naughty with everything and I could tell. Which quite a thing when I really like everything that he made but there was not a good thing on the list apart from peas he he he he. The dessert was sooo deadly that it probably would take 5 weeks to get off he he he.

But we had fun and in a way it was great that we took the kids as we got there at 5pm and left at 8pm and that was enough for me that is for sure. I just wanted to strangle BLONDE’s son by the time I got out that it was a good time to leave… OMG that boy is the most spoilt son of a sea fearing lizard I have ever met in my life and I wanted to take him over my knee and give a good old walloping.

If he cried or whimpered…she gave in like you wouldn’t believe and the new boyfriend is lavishing him in presents that it will get worse as he will never have anything that he can look forward to as he gets it all. He will not be able to sit still and do something as simple as read a book because he is stimulated by fun things so much. Yes it is good to give kids fun and our boys have lots of it but too much is going to be hard to beat. For a three year old he has done everything even a helicopter ride I mean… how are they going to beat that every birthday… and will his birthdays be special when he has everything 5 kids would want in one place?

I am not in such a bad and depressed mood this week… Last week was a nightmare for me and I just lost all umph for doing this. I know I still want to loose this weight that is not a problem but I think after the Wellington trip I didn’t have the energy to keep the next faze going as my friend had noticed the difference… my next goal is September and having my brother in law notice so hey I have to get my backside in order.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and so I still have this feeling that I am going to gain but then I will get my BIG backside up and out those doors and do the exercise and stop eating the wrong things… as I could have said no last night to the deadly dessert but I didn’t or even didn’t eat all of it or something but I didn’t so really I have no one to blame but myself.

I am not satisfied with my life at the moment. I cannot even pin point what it is that I don’t like. I mean I have it all. I have a great husband and great kids and I do have friends but feel like I am doing everything for everyone else and not for me.

I tend to sit back and not tell people what I am thinking. I miss my friend Aro from Wellington she listens… I mean I just want someone to listen for a change.. I listen to others so much that all I want is to talk and not get interrupted or this daze that says to me “yeah I don’t really want to listen as I have done that before”

In today’s society people don’t listen anymore. They think they do but they aren’t hearing what someone is saying. I don’t want my life to be a competition on who is the richest or the smartest or has the best kids or is skinnier… I am tired of that.. the comparing is not me and every time I start comparing or others do it gets me down.

I had a big talk with hubby on our walk yesterday and broke down and cried as it was all getting on top of me. I miss having someone to talk to that will listen to me… and that knows me and doesn’t care whether they have the perfect life or is skinnier or brighter or prettier or more creative. Just to sit down and talk about life in general or to say hey I have had a bad day or I have had the most fantastic day…

So I suppose that is why I come in here to say things that I need to… so people have no choice but to listen (read) and if they don’t like it then they can not read on.

Anyway it is all jumbled now… don’t even know if I got what I wanted out or not but anyway.