Sunday, 30 January 2005

Cow how rude can she be!!!

I want to bitch in this entry... so sorry about this.

I had an ok day today... and it went alright as the hubby and kids were outside doing things and I got to just be which was nice.

My mother in law asked us for dinner which was nice apart from the fact that she hasn't asked us over for dinner in over a year and a half (now this is where I get bitchy) since her younger son left for Europe... get the drift. I feel sorry for my husband sometimes and he doesn't see it. My MIL treats them differently and maybe she doesn't mean to but she does. This is what pisses me off because hubby is the one that does all the fixing around the place for her and his brother doesn't. I hope that I don't do that with our two boys that is for sure...

Well that isn't all I am pissed off with the whole night sucked!!!!! First she said come over and she will get some pizza well I can't have that without my diet going out the window so hubby told her that I was going to WW and so she said we could go to KFC and get a chicken salad OHHH YAYYY (would have rather stayed home for the yummy dinner we planned)if that wasn't worse I got there and in an awful silence she said "So you are on Weight Watchers I am glad as I was getting worried" yeah it sounds nice but OMG I have always been a big person around my hubby and in the last 2 years I have only put on 2 kilos so it isn't like I have been gaining and gaining.

Then we went and got our god awful salad from KFC. Got back and she started to tell me to drink more of her special drink (which she said wouldn't have too many calories in it). OMG I felt like that was the last straw and I looked at hubby and he said "she drinks a lot of water during the day and we noticed that if we don't drink after 6pm then I don't go to the toilet all night he he" (Hubby couldn't believe that she was so insensitive)

Well if you thought that was it!!! NO it is not I tell you!!!!

We brought her for Christmas (now we put a lot of thought into it because she isn't a material person at all.. very plain and hard to buy for) but we brought her a plain mirror to do up with her mosaic tiles. We brought the tiles and the mirror (lovely oval one) and the paste stuff etc... and she said today... "I have planned out the mirror today!" I felt good as I couldn't wait to see it up in her house... then she said I also have a deadline for it to be finished... Sept she says SEPTEMBER SEPTEMEBER... now we know what happens in September and her precious younger son comes from overseas... OMG we brought her the F(*&en present and she is making the mirror for him about his travels overseas. What a rude f(&8en bitch!!!
How can she think that would make us happy. I finally find a present for the darn bleep bleep woman as she is the hardest person to buy for and she is making if for the other son. I get so angry about this can you tell!!! Can you tell!!!

Am I being a cow? I hope so because she has made me so angry you wouldn't believe and this weight thing has gone off to the wayside for today.

I can't get off this subject and certainly can't think about my weight loss today. I can't believe that someone can be so insensitive can you? I don't know if I could ever say it to her face even though I would like to.

Anyway I am going to bed now.


Saturday, 29 January 2005

Hurtful people.....

I want to write in here tonight but have been sitting here thinking what on earth can I talk about.

Do you ever get the feeling that you have been naughty but really you haven't. I think I have lost enthusiasm for dieting... I know I know it is a life style change but sometimes I don't want to think about what every bite going into my mouth is. I mean even drinks you have to think about.
I was a little naughty today but I incorporated them into my tracking. I had 2 mallow puff (chocy biscuits). I know I shouldn't have but it has been since 16 December that I decided to change the lifestyle... but I just had to have something sweet today that didn't taste like "sweetener"
Why have I lost my spirit with this lifestyle change? I know I want to loose weight I know that it is good for me and that my husband and kids will benefit but I am not into it this week. I will I know get back into it. I have been reading other peoples diary's and they go through the same thing so it is normal at least.

Do you ever read other peoples diary's and think... I wish I could sound so intelligent and on to it as they do. They have such interesting things to say and I can only come up with what I have not eaten or binge on... GEESH sometimes it can get so frustrating.

I don't know why but I don't want to go for a walk... it is like staring me in the face "go do some exercise! go get out and have a walk"! I enjoy Kick boxing (Taebo) at the gym and don't really want to do anything else... but I know that if I did walking as well then that would help me even faster. I just get this little voice saying don't go it is too much and people will stare as you are so big. Normally it doesn't worry me and when I am with my husband I don't care because I am loved no matter what... but when I go walking just for walking I don't feel that I have the right too.

Last time I started on my journey to slimsville I was walking around the lake and feeling really good about myself I was pushing my son in his pram and these young boys (in a car (cowards)) and shouted out the window while driving past. It sounded like something to do with hey fatty or something like that... since then I just don't want to go out. I know it is their problem but that is what people are like and I don't want to go through that again... I can't!!! it took me off my weight loss journey and has taken 2 years to get myself back on to it again.

I also know that I can do things on a video at home but don't ever seem to finish the video etc.
I know I sound like a silly little girl being scared of people like that.. but I got home and cried and cried and cried as it really hurt me deep down. Until now I didn't realise how much it hurt me.

Anyway I am going now

Chubby Mum

Thursday, 27 January 2005

A break now and then!

I read other peoples diaries and I sit here thinking I am not as knowledgeable as them. I feel like I know nothing and I know my spelling is really bad too.

It is a long weekend here this weekend and my mum (who lives with us now that Dad has died)is going away for the weekend to her friends. It will be good in a way for me and my husband and boys to have time to us. I will miss her heaps and sometimes I get the feeling that she thinks I want her to go but it isn't that. It is just that most people can have their husband and kids and not have their mother telling you how to do things and how you should raise your children every single day.

Sometimes we need the break and I don't think she understands that. I wouldn't want to not have her living with us but would like a break now and then to feel like this is my family and not that we are living with her... does that make any sense?

Been an ok day today!

I went to my kick boxing class tonight but found out during the long weekend our Monday class isn't on OMG that sucks really bad... I have finally got into a routine and grrr.

Plus my BLONDE friend can't go next week as she has a work dinner on so that makes next week so frustrating. I thought that it would be an interesting weigh in just to see how much the kick boxing is helping me anyway. So we shall see.

I know that most of you won't want to read the next bit but did anyone else find when they started eating better that they went to the toilet more (if you know what I mean) just feels like I am more regular than I used to be he he he... really strange I know but maybe I am doing the right thing after all huh?

Wish that Weight Watchers would bring their magazine out more than once a month or between two months what ever it does.. I would love to buy more as they keep me going. Anyway... that isn't going to happen but thought I would say it here.

Anyway gotta go now... getting really late and I am a tired little pixie.

See ya
Chubby Mum

Going to do it! Feeling Positive

I didn't even add an entry yesterday!!! I was reading all my favourite diaries and forgot ARGGHHHH.

Life yesterday was great! I went out to get my goal reward of a pair of pretty shoes... he he he.. I didn't want to spend a lot as it was only a mini goal and not the 10 kilo thing or whatever... but I found this shoes (summer ones) that were just cute and the ticket said $13 and they had a sale and I got them for $10 so that wasn't bad. I was quite proud of that. Hubby said that he would paint my toenails so that would look pretty and so that was an extra incentive to get more weight off if he would do lovely things like that he he he.

I can't believe how much only 2.7 kilos can make me feel about myself. I can't wait to loose more that is for sure. I felt it in my clothes a little today... I didn't stick out in front as much as I usually do... but I don't know if that was my imagination or what... but anyway if it is making me think positive things that hey that is GREAT!

I couldn't wait to come in and tell a work mate this morning. She is in her late 50's I would say and she is trying to loose weight too and started about the same time as me and doing well. So it was good to tell her and get a positive reaction back.

In my mind you would have thought that I lost like 50 kilos he he he as I feel so good. I am not really thinking too much on the fact that I am on the D word just that I am loosing weight.. I don't know if that makes sense or not but if I think of it as the D word then it changes everything and my mind doesn't like that.

I am going to be down to 100 kilos by the end of the year... yeah yeah I know that is being maybe unrealistic but if I can get close to it then I would be over the moon too.

Hubby and I are planning a trip away for our 10 year wedding anniversary and DAMN if I am going to have to ask for an extension for the seat in the plane!!! I am NOT so that is another incentive... plus by Xmas I want to be able to go and buy a push bike and do some biking around the place with hubby and the kids.. I have to do this!!! I have to!

When I get down to about 120 kilos then hubby and I are going on the 4 wheel quad bikes in the country with those people that organise trips... I have to do this too! I have always wanted to do it but been too scared... but that is another incentive.

Anyway I have babbled enough for now.. you might see me on this afternoon he he he

Ciao for now
Chubby Mum

Tuesday, 25 January 2005


Thank you all for the notes you have left... you don't know how much I appreciate it and how much it keeps me going. Without the messages I think I would have given up the journal.
Now for the news.... well it was good. I lost 2.3 kilos this week (5.08 pounds) I am soooo happy because I really tried these last two weeks and last weeks 400 grams really made me really unhappy. I really did work hard last week and I wasn't happy with the loss.
So you wouldn't believe how relieved I was after the weigh in... I listened more and I was like on a high as I now know that all my hard work was worth it. Some people might think that I didn't keep to it the first week but I did!!!! and that was the reason I was angry and sometimes the scales just aren't true.

My BLONDE friend didn't loose she stayed the same but she cheated 3 nights that week... OMG she had 3 nights dinners at our place so the rest of the week she wasn't good... naughty naughty... She only has 10 kilos to loose and I have 79 so I suppose she has room for mistakes.
What an energy I feel!!!! I can't even put it in words.

Anyway it is 10.30 at night and I am tired... I will write some more tomorrow.

You all have a wonderful night...
Chubby Mum

Not long till weigh in tonight

Well it is 8.30am on Tuesday (MY WEIGH IN DAY) I am really nervous about tonight.. I am feeling good and feeling like I am doing well... but hey I felt like that last week and I didn't loose as much as I wanted.

I want to be positive and think that I have lost weight but I am scared to do that as well as I don't want to be upset with what the scales say...

Have you ever thought that maybe they rig the scales he he he he so they keep getting money so you don't get to goal just yet so they get more out of ya he he he. I know I know that isn't true and I don't think that WW would do that but sometimes it feels like a scam that we can do so much during the week and really stick to their plan and then you only loose a little.
Now I have to stop thinking like that!

My day today is going to be a long one. In 20 minutes I have to start work upstairs. (I am down in the labs using the computers because if I go upstairs to my office I will get hounded by people he he he)

Well I have other emails and diaries to read before I go to work... so byeee

Chubby Mum

Monday, 24 January 2005

2nd weigh in tomorrow.

Well my day hmmmmmm

I can't say that I have had an exciting day. I did go and do my kick boxing (Taebo) as some say. I felt soooo good afterwards. I can't say that I felt good while I was doing it that is for sure. But I felt energised and sweaty ewwwww.

I have been missing getting emails on our support group lately... people are emailing but not as much as they used to.

Tomorrow is my weigh in day and I am really nervous about it. I have been good... but I can say not as strict as last week and I only lost that mere 400 grams... but hey we can only but hope.
Sorry it is short and sweet tonight.. I will write again tomorrow but the kickboxing has taken it out of me tonight...nighty night everyone.

Thanks for reading

Sunday, 23 January 2005

Painting the Fence

Well I didn't write anything yesterday... wasn't that I didn't want to just that we went to a friends place and ended up staying there for quite a time. They just put in a new pool and I was sooo jealous.. not saying they didn’t deserve to have the pool etc but it is so what we wanted for our back yard.. But couldn’t afford just yet… but if we ever decide now they are going to think we copied as they were complaining how one of their neighbors had just done the same thing as them. Well anyway it will happen one day for us.

We achieved so much at home this weekend. I painted half the fence (OMG was that a lot to do but it doesn’t look like it) the weather was really hot and sunny (well it is summer here he he he) and I had a big umbrella on me so I couldn’t get burnt. So I feel like I have done a little bit of exercise. Hubby fixed the lawn mower and we went shopping for some more paint and some stuff to start the retaining wall. We also go my hubby’s birthday present (not till march he he he) outside speakers so he has spent all night fixing them up too. Felt good to get things done around the house and next weekend we will start doing the retaining wall so we can get this back yard looking good.

I feel since I have been on this diet that I have been getting more active. I can’t say I have lost heaps because I haven’t but I can say that I feel energized and my clothes don’t make me want to hold my breath either.

Thank you all my buddies online here! Thank you for the hugs.. and… Thank you for the messages. I am sooo glad that some people are reading because it makes it all more interesting as I feel like I am talking to someone instead of just to an empty world if that all makes sense.
I have started to read this book that sort of scares me as it is soooo big 700 pages long but I want to conquer it. It is called Jonathon Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. It took a while to get into the book and I hope that I do read it… Trying to be more cultural as talking and thinking about weight loss all the time is making me angrier by the day as I want to think and feel about different things too… If that all makes sense.

I am still thankful every day for my support group (I know this is like the millionth time I have said this) but they keep me on the straight and narrow because every time I think about eating something I shouldn’t then I remember how they are all being good and that the only way to loose this weight is to keep up with it and to make me and them proud! And I am on my way. I am feeling so much better than I have in such a long time! EVEN IF THE SCALES HAVEN’T SAID SO YET he he he…. I hope that this Tuesday I will have lost something! I shall be soooo made and upset if I haven’t because I have been good and I have counted my points too.
Anyway I will say good night and keeping those notes coming and also all of your diaries going so I can keep reading as I love it.

Good Night
Chubby Mum

Friday, 21 January 2005

Encouragement and Support

I have been reading some others diaries today... and most of them have photos... At the moment I feel happy just not to have one. I will take a photo and when I am ready to show more people I will put it up... But I think it will happen once I take another photo and notice the difference.
To me it is amazing how many people are on the same track as me. I am inspired by so many people out there that have done it.

My Lifestyle change group that I am in are an amazing group. They listen and they also tell you what they think too. It feels right to say things in there and it feels right to tell them my opinion too. I am truly blessed to be in this group of wonderful ladies.

To have support is the main thing I think I missed all those other times I tried. I have to always keep reminding myself of my goals because when I loose sight of those goals I know I will fall right back into that comfortable spot where I don't care and eat what I like. To have my group of friends in the support group is great because they listen and I know I can say anything there.

I do love this diary! I do like that I can say anything! The only people that know of it is my support group (weight loss)and I haven't told any of my friends here where I live, as then it will be hard as I couldn't write what I truly feel. I want this to be a place that I can say what I feel and not have to worry if I am hurting anyone’s feelings. Does that make sense or does it make me sound like a bitch?

Anyway going now

Chubby Mum

Abs Woohooo

Did my kickboxing last night!!!! OMG I am so sore today. We had a different instructor and I liked her last night while we were doing the class but this morning ARGGHHHHH could strangle her he he he.

I had a guy on the side of the class on a machine and I said to him "this woman is out to kill me tonight laughing}" he said to me "you are doing better than I would be at this" and he had gorgeous abs so hey... at least I am getting noticed for doing the work he he he he {must remember look no touch he he he just kidding}.

I know that I had been angry since Tuesday re not loosing enough but yesterday with the kickboxing class we did our abs at the end and I was laying on my back and then coming up to do the crunches and OMG I could last longer and it wasn't hurting as much... in two weeks I have finally noticed an improvement. It took me longer to get sore and I could lift the alternate leg up at the same time and it was better. I was concentrating more but I was overjoyed by the fact that I wasn't hurting as much... was sniggling to myself and people must have thought I was nuts.

Have to go back to drinking my water as yesterday (apart from at kickboxing) I didn't drink as much water as I should. I have notice my face is sooooo clear and smooth since drinking all this water and doing exercise... so I suppose one difference is good.

Roll on next week when maybe I have lost some more and feeling even better about myself.
Until then...

Chubby Mum

Thursday, 20 January 2005

Onward and Downward


Thank you to all that left notes for me! I know that thinking the way I did was wrong! I do appreciate the fact that I lost something. I just think if you saw how I tried you wouldn't understand either.

OMG my BLONDE friend when looking at the scales (before me I might add, which I have to talk to her about) she had her mouth open and didn't believe that I had only lost that amount after her loosing 1.4 kilos. She knew how much I tried. She had seen all my tracking for the week and had seen how much I went for it at the Kickboxing! Even my husband was shocked!

I have had people tell me that muscle weighs more than fat and that it is better to loose weight slowly! Thank you! I did know that just pushed it to the back of my mind.

My new motto is ONWARD and DOWNWARD. So here I go!

Please keep up your journals too as it has been keeping me going the last couple of weeks and I wouldn't have been keeping up with it without reading your journals.

Well back to my boring life. I don't work Wednesdays and was off yesterday but boo hoo for me I was sick with tonsillitis and slept most of the day so my tracking wasn't that good. But back full strong today.

If I can think of something else to write I will put it in this afternoon. Take care everyone and many thanks.

Chubby Mum

Wednesday, 19 January 2005

Back to it!

OK I am back on it!

I don't want to be this size anymore! I don't want to fret that I haven't lost enough... as long as I know I did really well with the food and exercise then that should be that. I suppose I just wanted a boost for all the hard work I DID put in... I tell people how much I kept to it and you can hear sometimes in their tone that yeah right... you cheated and you don't want to tell us... it says it in the amount you lost... NO WAY I didn't cheat and that is why I was sooo angry...
I have been reading some diaries and have got myself up and going again. I must admit I would rather read some of them because they are or have been my size or more... because I feel like I connect with them more in some strange way and I want to be like them if they have managed to loose a lot.

I know we are supposed to take one day at a time but I suppose that is why I have failed so many times before... because I am impatient... I am impatient with almost anything in my life and I have to learn patience...yep... easier said than done.

I can't even concentrate at work at the moment either... I just want to read diaries and talk to friends about it... so I have to try and balance my life and get back on things. I really like my job but if I am not careful I will not have a happy job at all.

Going home tonight to read the Wild Succulent Woman by SARK tonight to get some inspiration.

See ya... Chubby Mum

Tuesday, 18 January 2005

Fuck is how I am feeling tonight

Ok so I went to my WW meeting!!! And was really upset with the loss.

I tell you I stuck to it religiously and did 2 sessions of kickboxing (2 hours) and 20 minute walk that walk and did I mention that I really stuck to it and didn’t have any chocolate or biscuits and didn’t do anything I wasn’t supposed to and I only lost….. did I mention that I really stuck to it before I tell you how much!!!????

I only lost a mere 0.4 of a kilo (0.88 of a pound) . I know what you all will say you lost something at least you lost something!!! You didn’t gain!!! F%$%# I really did everything this week! I really tried and I counted everything and I did the exercise.. more than I have ever in any other diet (sorry change of lifestyle)!!! And I drank all my water too. And the first time I went to weight watchers last time I lost 3 kilos…6.6 pounds, and I barely even tried that time.

My BLONDE friend lost 1.4 kilos (3 pounds) and she went over in her points twice TWICE!! And really Badly yet she lost that much… My husband before I went said you watch she will loose more just to piss you off. But to her credit she was really good about it with me and she tried to make me feel better and said that next week it will be more.. and it isn’t her fault at all.

I know all the facts about muscle weighs more than fat but loosing it on the scale is what I wanted for my first week to give me a boost! That is all I wanted… it isn’t like I wanted to loose like 10 kilos… I just wanted 1 kilo, just 1 kilo!!!

So I am really disconcerted and angry today…

Just thought I would write that.

Chubby Mum

Yayyy Hugs!!!

Yayyyy I am getting Hugs... I am not getting too many people commenting so I thought maybe no one was reading this either... but I am getting hugs... so someone must be reading he he he


Chubby Mum

Monday, 17 January 2005

Kickboxing better!! Yayyy

Feeling not so good today.. maybe not enough sleep... haven't been getting enough sleep lately. Quite Grumpy and withdrawn. (that was in the morning)

3 Fruit Toast (Quite small in size) (4.5)
1 Margarine (1)
TOTAL: 5.5

1 Watermelon (.5)
10 Rice Crackers (1)
TOTAL: 1.5

Lettuce, onion, mushroom, pickle, radish, Tomatoe (0)
Tuna (in oil naughty I know) (2)
Cottage Cheese (tablespoon) (1)
Cheese WW (1)

Vegetable Slice (WW magazine)(had another little bit) (6.5)
WW Chocolate Sponge (2)
Total: 8.5

Plus did Kickboxing tonight. I really enjoyed it tonight and was sweating more than I had been the last time. I think I enjoyed it more because I was now used to this lady and she seemed a little more on to it than she was on Thursday night.

My BLONDE friend was really supportive today. I still don't trust her and that is really bad for a friend to say I know... just that she doesn't always tell me the full thing when she is talking to me. It feels like she holds something back and makes me feel uneasy. I don't know why it does and maybe she isn't but I know strange... I should just forget that feeling and get on with things.
Really sore the next morning though OMG.

That gave me 6 points Yayyyy

Didn't use up all my points but I ate sooo much I felt that was ok. I was really full going to bed so that satisfied me.

Chubby Mum

Sunday, 16 January 2005

No Chocolate Cake!!

Well today has been a hectic day! I had the day off without the kids. My hubby and my mum and I went for a 2 hour drive up to friends place. They had all of the group of friends (family and friends) together for a BBQ. It was great to have time away from the boys and to not have to say no don't do that or don't do that... We sat out in the sun by the pool and chatted all day it was just so relaxing. .

I was soooo proud of myself I kept away from the nuts (sitting in front of my face mind you) and the chips and dips too. To tell you the truth I didn't have the urge to eat them. Usually I would have just eaten them because they were there... not that they were even that yummy either.
They had a nice BBQ but had to be careful as most of the stuff there was lathered in cheese and sauces etc. But I was as good as I could have been there. But the crunch came when dessert came out! Yayyyy I avoided it!!! Yayyy I didn't eat any of the lemon meringue or the chocolate cake (that was beckoning me) and I enjoyed that victory so much that when I got home I allowed myself a Weight Watchers caramel sponge... and only 2 points.. I was sooo happy to have something sweet but better for me than the chocolate sponge I had my eye on at the party.
YAYYYY for me!!!

I haven't put my points down today but I do know that I was good!

Have a great night

Chubby Mum

Saturday, 15 January 2005

Sounds like bitching but it isn't really!

Changing your lifestyle is really expensive and I can’t really afford it either… but I have a deal with my BLONDE friend… my husband looks after our two boys and her boy while we go to Kickboxing on Monday and Thursday and Weight Watchers on Tuesday and feeds both her son and her when we get back so she said she wanted to give us money for all the food she is eating here…

I said I didn’t feel good about that as you don’t charge friends so she said “OK… this is what is going to happen. I am going to pay for your Weight Watcher fee and gym each week and more…because I would have to spend more on food and then have to cook it for myself so you are helping me out” I said no no more… but that would help me if she paid for the gym and WW so I now get a little more food each fortnight and it pays for my WW and Gym which is good as by the second week on our pay we never have any money so I helps no end.

It feels like I am not paying for it even though we are… The only thing is that seeing her and her son three times a week can some times be a little too much. I like her but her son is a pain in the backside and she lets him get away with murder. I said to her I would take up this arrangement as long as her son abides by my husbands rules when he is here and mine too… just that we have a routine with my boys (ages 5 and 3) and I don’t want my activities to hinder that… (really I don’t want him to show my kids his bad habits)……

I know this is bad to say but the child sleeps with her and hasn’t been in a bed by himself for like a year. Goes to bed at 9 or 10 at night time (he is only 3) and screams at his mum when he wants something and keeps screaming until she gives him what he wants… OMG you would have laughed if you heard me the other day when he was here and they were being naughty so I turned off the TV and he started screaming at me… I let him finish then I said “Zac… I don’t take that in my house, and I certainly will not take that Behaviour aimed at me!” said to my friend “sorry but…?” and she nodded her head… then said “Zac if you want the TV back on then you can sit back in that chair and be quiet… once you are quiet then I will consider turning it back on… you don’t get your way by screaming at me as I WILL NOT take it” he slumped his way back in the chair and was quiet… but I left it a bit before I turned it on.

He knew that screaming didn’t work on me! My friend said… “so now I know he only does that with me only”… I said “OH MY GOD YES you let him get away with it… I know you love him and you hate him feeling bad but he is not using his words he is screaming and crying and you let him get what he wants… so he knows if he doesn’t it loud enough and long enough then you will give him exactly what he wants because you don’t like the sound” So hopefully she has learnt from that… I will tell her if it starts affecting my kids though as they mean the world to me and as far as I am concerned we are raising adults not children… we have to teach them what is acceptable or they will never know.


I know I don't sound like a very good friend but I do like her and there are some good qualities too.. just that most of the other annoying qualities come out instead.. Sometimes I think to myself after reading this that it sounds like I am jealous... not really just annoyed and I don't really know what I am annoyed at!!! Just that life seems to come sooo easy for her and people like me have to work damn hard at things and neglect other things (like our weight). I am also not saying I want her life as I don't because she is just toooo picky and that is why she hasn't found anyone for herself that loves her for her and not for what she looks like... she goes for guys that are superficial and that won't work.

When she broke off her marriage with her husband we went to see how he was doing and he was crying and saying she kept saying that she wished he was more like my husband!!! OMG her husband is like Tom Cruise and a business of his own too... but my husband adores me and the kids and would rather spend time with us than make a lot of money and I am happy with that.. can't take money with you aye... but ever since I heard that I hate her being around him with her swishing blonde hair... I do know that he thinks she is a not a nice person and doesn't like having her around too much so that is good.

Anyway gotta go enough is enough!

Chubby Mum

Naughty chocolate brownie

Today was a busy fast day. I felt better today than I have for a while. Tried on some pants and they weren't that tight! I know I haven't lost that much if I have at all but I feel healthier and happier and it was nice to feel free today.

2 Bread (3)
Mince (2)
Egg (1.5)
TOTAL: 6.5

Rolls x 2 (dinner rolls) (2)
Surimi (5)
Lettuce, Tomatoe (0)

WW Recipe Cajun Fish (5)
with Baby potatoes (included in recipe points of 5)
Lettuce (0)

1/2 piece of chocolate brownie (5)

GRAND TOTAL: 23.5 points

Not a bad day really.
Did the grocery shopping and walked for an hour about the place... played with the kids in the back yard with the house too... and jumped on the trampoline.


Friday, 14 January 2005

Customer Service huh

Well I got up this morning!! Can't say I wanted to mind you... Sore in the tummy from the crunches.Yet another day in paradise and this morning I have been ok with food. Getting used to this points thing now... have to do it so much write it down or I will be naughty... All I can say is that I have put a lot of effort this week so far... hope it works.

1 Bagel (3.5)1
Margarine 1/2 tsp (1)
TOTAL: 4.5

Chuba Chub Sugar free Lollipop (.5)
V (2)
TOTAL: 2.5

Chili Con Carne (4.5)
Lettuce, Tomato, Beetroot, (0)
4 cashews (1)tbs Cheese (1)
TOTAL: 6.5

10 Rice Crackers (1)

Chicken Fried (no grease) (2)
Rice, boiled (2.5)
Lettuce, Beetroot, Radish, Mushrooms, Onion, Pickles (0)
TOTAL: 4.5

10 Rice Crackers (1)
Rum and Coke (3) (needed it tonight)


I didn't have a good afternoon with a creep that overcharged us and then wouldn't give a refund that I want to binge and eat something now... I went to the council about the overcharge and they are sorting it out.

Story goes like this: I have never been as mad as this! We went to the refuse station last week and they overcharged us by $12 and mum just got her bank statement so she kept her receipts… phoned a guy there this morning he said come in and we will give a refund.

Got there this afternoon to get the refund and this old ARSEHOLE was there… said that we were talking to his son this morning and he will not give a refund but will let us go through for free… said it wasn’t that much over and it is our fault we didn’t check. (OMG we have been to this place like only 3 times in 15 years why would I want to go back there again?)

I was just about to speak and he said hold on I am not finished… got really rude with me… so he had lots of people in line waiting. So I made sure I was loud enough for them to hear and said “so you are telling me you put the wrong amount on eftpos and then you are going to cheat us out of money!!! My mum is a pensioner and can’t just shell it out like that… and how are they people on going to know that we are supposed to go for free! Plus then you still owe us $4…. I said No we want our money… and then proceeded to tell him he hasn’t even looked at the receipt and he said for all he knows it is not even for here (the refuse station).. I said we have the receipt with your GST on it and the eftpos with the same time on it “we can’t be in two places at once” he said no he will not give the money… so really loudly I said "fine I will go to the council". and we did!
Was in the council 5 seconds and they said yes madam you will get a cheque sent out on Monday, as they can’t arrange it for today… saw the receipt and that was that… OMG I am fuming!!!! I am gritting my teeth and just want to slap that guy in the face… that he could be so rude to us when I hadn’t said a word and that it wasn’t his money in the first place.. I said I will not go back there again!!! And I will tell everyone I know about how rude they are!

I don't usually get like this but I just want to snack at the moment... that is why I am writing in here so I won't do that. Anyway that is it for me.

Love Chubby Mum.

Thursday, 13 January 2005

First night of Kick Boxing

Ok... so I am really enjoying this diary! I really love the fact that people are leaving me notes too THANK YOU!!

It keeps me going! I get all excited to be able to write in here. If I let myself I would write in here 50 times a day.

Well the biggest highlight of my day is wait for it........ Kickboxing class. OH My God I feel like I am dying at the moment with my muscles. We got there and the lady was like... oh I don't know an army sergeant... she was like muscle, skinny and she sounded like she was instructing an army platoon. And when she said to stretch your thighs.... she did the splits CAN YOU BELIEVE IT me and BLONDE just raised our eyebrows and then couldn't stop laughing.
Well here we go again.

It has taken me a while this morning to upload my tracking! But I have been good and I have put it in my tracker... it goes with me everywhere.. I am a little confused on one of the pages though with the weekly planner on it and a tomatoe, foot, and heart... I assume you say what happened in one sentence for that one day... so you can see the week in whole... like if you wanted to know how much exercise you did hmmmm.

So here goes:

Now keep in mind that we started on Tuesday and I haven't been able to go and get groceries yet. I have to work within what is in the fridge.

2 Toast (3)
1 tsp Margarine (1)
Meat (1)
TOTAL: (5)

2 Cornbeef sandwiches (sliced thinly) (10)
TOTAL: (10)

Peach (.5)
Rice Crackers 10 (1)
TOTAL: (1.5)

Nachos with Beef and Beans and Peas (10.5)
TOTAL: (10.5)

GRAND TOTAL: 27 Points

Also going to kickboxing tonight for 60 minutes.(5 pts)

I am going to do this!!! Look out 6 kilos your gonna be gone by February 22nd.
To tell you the truth I am a little mad with myself about lunch but I was soooo hungry and I did do all the exercise....

Chubby Mum

Wednesday, 12 January 2005

Tracking 11 Jan 05

Yes it is me again!! Woohooo

Well I am feeling quite excited but daunted this morning (if that is the right word for it).
I am looking forward to loosing this weight and was chatting with hubby last night and my first mini goal for the 22 February 2005 (date by WW leader) is 6 kilos. That is a kilo a week and I know I can do this.

Hubby said that if I get to this first goal that he will organise a romantic evening for me for the week after achieving the 6 kilos.

The thing that is worrying me the most is actually using up all the 26 points... OMG that is a lot of food.

So far I have eaten

1 poached Egg (1.5 pts)
2 Toast (3 pts)
Margarine 1 tsp (1 pts)
TOTAL = 5.5 pts

V (2 pts)
Arnotts Cruskits (3 for 1.5 pts)
Tomatoe (o pts)
Pepper (0 pts)
Nashi (1 pt)
TOTAL = 4.5 pts

2 Bread (3 pts)
Mince (2.5 pts)
TOTAL = 5.5 pts

Corn silverside (3 pieces) (3 pts)
Potatoe (2 little) (3 pts)
Carrots (0 pts)
Cabbage (0 pts)
Onion (0 pts)
TOTAL = 6 pts

WW Chocolate Sponge Pudding (2 pts)
TOTAL = 2 pts


I went for my 2x10 today and feel really good about it... It wasn't at a fast pace but it feels good. Bit worried about my ankles as they are not happy afterwards...hmmm don't know what to do about that... I suppose when the weight comes off then that will get better.


2 x 10 ALL DONE

Woohooo I did it! I took the challenge from the WW DVD. It was said that the first week challenge was to do 2 x 10... so I did. The 2 x 10 is 2 ten minute walks.

So I walked for 10 minutes and then came back for another 10 minutes... Woohooo so I did 20 minutes walking today and I feel good. I do have sore calf muscles as I was a little tense but hey... I DID IT!

Chubby Mum

Tuesday, 11 January 2005

First Meeting at WW

Well I went to Weight Watchers last night for my first meeting. I was soooo scared and it felt really daunting to think that maybe they won't be able to weigh me as the scales won't go that high... but it did Woohooo and I weigh only 153.7 kilos (3.4 kilos more than 2 years ago) OMG 2 years ago...

I have only gained 3.4 in 2 years... now I know that doesn't sound good anyway but I didn't gain like 30 kilos like some people do in a year... it was only 3.4 kilos in 2 years! Ok now I will stop that.

I have made myself some goals so that it doesn't feel so daunting to loose like 77 kilos. Which incidentally is around what my BLONDE friend weighs... so I basically have to loose her he he he Ok not that funny but it made me laugh.

So my first mini goal is 6 kilos by the 22 February 2005 as that is 6 weeks and I do think that is achievable since at the start people tend to loose more (especially people as big as me). So that is my first goal.

I have started with the putting down of the food that I am eating and trying my hardest to have snacks and that too as I am terrible with that. I will have breakfast with everyone in the morning at 7.30am (usually) and then I don't have my lunch till 3pm as I don't feel like it. So my first change is to change the fact that my lunch is so late. Sometimes I feel like I want to throw up when I eat so early but I know that I have to change my eating habits if I want to loose the weight I want to loose.

I am going now as I have so many emotions and don't know how to write them just yet... I will be back on today though.

Chubby Mum

Weight Watchers First Night Tonight

I have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to writing in here so if I manage to write more than once I am going to do it.

Went to work after a 2 week holiday yesterday and I felt sexy and skinny... he he he he... the fact that I have lost 5 cm around my waist had something to do with it but I got a hair cut on Sunday and she layered it and it got lighter too.. so many people commented at work that it looked good. OMG I was on such a high from that.

Well tonight I am going to Weight Watchers for the first time since 2002. I went and found all my previous WW things last night to see what the damage was and I am like only 2 cm more in most parts of my body that I measured back in 2002... so for a start I don't feel as bad... my starting weight there was 154.7 kilos and here I have been thinking that I would be way up past the 170 mark this time... maybe I am and I shouldn't get my hopes up at all...

To tell you the truth I am rather nervous about it... my tummy is churning this morning thinking about it. I have the BLONDE friend going... which is really nice of her but I can't for the life of me wonder why she is going... maybe it is to look better than me again? hmmmm who knows. She was saying she was 77 kilos... I mean OMG what nut would go to WW with only 77 kilos... that lucky bitch... I have to loose her body weight and more just to be healthy he he he.

The one consolation I have is that I should be getting my monthly this week. I can feel it (cringe) and that would make me heavier... so next week when I weigh in I should at least have something lost he he... but seriously I will be really sticking to it and writing in here so I can keep my feelings open... maybe it will make me realise why I give up after 3 weeks each time.


Monday, 10 January 2005

Support Group not online

I know this is the second time today that I have posted… but I am posting in here so that I will stop eating and doing the silly mind games that I have been doing with all the other diets. So here goes… feeling frustrated today…

I am in a wonderful support group but for the last couple of days they haven’t been around. I know that they have their own lives too and that they can’t always be online… especially this time of the year and I am half way across the world… so the times are different too… but today I need them… today I need them… feeling like I am not loosing fast enough and also I haven’t weighed myself like the others and just measured so it is harder… maybe because my monthly is coming this week (supposed to be he he) that I am feeling fat… but I am finding it hard to think in my head that I am doing really well but then I don’t know because I can’t see it on the scales.
I know that I didn’t want to weigh myself as I get really upset when I haven’t lost but then the other way round is killing me too… I have been on this new life style change since 16 December (almost a month for me) OMG I usually fall through after 3 weeks… and now I am feeling like what is the point but the difference this time is I don’t want to feel like that. I want someone in my support group to be around to chat too!!!! OMG I wish they were here.

So I am going to post on this so that I can get it all out! I don’t want to go back to the old self I know.. the one that gives up when things get too hard! I don’t want to.

Please if you are reading this diary… tell me what you think… would like to know that someone is reading this.


Blonde revisited

Well it has been a couple of days since I have put anything in my diary. I have been transferring all the data from blogdrive as they just haven't got the stuff like here in diaryland. It took me forever and I must admit for the last two days haven't done much diet wise. I don't think I have been totally off and eating badly just not thinking about it really.

Today is my first day back at work and I am in the computer labs downstairs before I go up to my office. I find that when I am in the labs I don't get stuck into work before I have to be. I don't actually start till 9am and with my eldest son being off school and I had to take my husband to work by 8am I have an hour to myself (OMG what joy). So I suppose this will be a good time to update here on Chubby Mum.

Felt so blah yesterday and thought that I would help my blonde friend out with getting her computer up and running. I must sound like a bitch when I talk of her. I really don't even know why I do... she isn't that bad. I just feel like everything is a competition. She probably doesn't even think it is a competition. She left her husband a year ago and has got a really nice 2 bedroom unit for her and her son and it is really good for just the two of them. But now she is thinking she might buy a bigger house. I mean get of the grass!!!! Her son is 3 and he isn't even sleeping in his own bed he is sleeping in with her so there is the second bedroom just full of his stuff and she is never home to even be in the house. I just don't get it. Hubby said that it is just that she wants to have what we do... yeah but she did when she lived with her husband and he was earning (in his own business) over $100,000 a year... OMG.

Yeah I suppose when I read that again I am jealous. But then again I am not... I think I am jealous because of her telling her ex husband (when they were together mind you) that she wished he was more like my husband... OMG that just got me! I love my husband but he is far from bringing home the money that blonde's did and also blonde's hubby was like Tom Cruise in looks for Christ sake. My hubby said that it is because we have such a great relationship and we talk and are still like we only met yesterday (even though we have been together 16 years). Maybe she wants the love.

She came over on New Year's Eve and another couple was there and Pam said "what do you want to achieve in 2005" and blonde said "to get married" OMG she is only just separated... and she is thinking of getting married. I don't quite understand... it is like she can't be by herself. We asked her what her ideal man would be and all she was telling us was the physical side and not what he was as a person. I said to her "don't you think that what you are looking for you already had in your ex? You haven't told us about the personality of the person just what he will look like" felt like telling her she was shallow.

Anyway enough ranting... this is supposed to be about my life style change. Actually it is good getting this out and not worrying who is going to read it because I am not going to tell any of my friends.

I am starting weight watchers tomorrow night. Was talking to hubby and I am only going to be with them 6 weeks so I can get as much weight off as I can and learn all the good habits. Just that for those six weeks it will cost of $100 OMG and I can't keep that up for the rest of the year. Especially when I only work part time.

Anyway enough of my babbling... better get some other stuff done.


P.S... I am dressed in such a nice flowy red skirt today and top that is quite revealing in the top... feeling quite sexy. I do feel like since 16 December I have lost something... feeling good about myself. I just hope someone at work mentions that I look nice today. ho hum.

Thursday, 6 January 2005

Kick Boxing

I did it!!!

I did 40 minutes of Kick boxing today. OMG it was hard it was soooo humid here today I felt like I was suffocating and we had all the windows open but no breeze was coming through at all. But I felt energised after doing it.

I did feel a little awkward as a friend of mine was doing it and she is such a pretty pretty person! 85 kilos (OMG I wish) and the blonde hair and I am soooo jealous of her. I don't know why I am of her as there are other people I know that are more beautiful. I suppose because she has separated from her husband I feel jealous because she can do whatever whenever with her money etc and can go on dates. OMG I haven't been on a date in like 16 years (before I met my husband) and I do wish that I had that feeling back again. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and all that but the feeling that you get when you meet a new person and all the attention they put your way is the greatest. When you have been together 16 years that all changes. You know all about the other half and there isn't anything else to learn and talking comes to a stand still that you don't know what to say to each other.

My husband does so much for me and the kids and he is always there and I know my blonde friend is jealous of that but he just doesn't care anymore about me! He doesn't try anymore or want to do something with me romantic. Just once I would like it for him to go and organise something for us to do together... not with the kids not because he has to but because he wants to. I have asked for him to do something for us over a year ago and said I would leave it up to him but he still hasn't. Sometimes I wonder if it is because he just doesn't think it is a problem or he is not doing it because he doesn't really want to spend time with me.

40 Minutes of Kickboxing Yayyyyy!
See ya Chubby Mum

Wednesday, 5 January 2005

My feelings on exercise today

I got upset with my husband a few minutes ago! I have stopped exercising! It happens to me every time! When someone is pushing me to go and do exercise or I have to do it I back down and back down even worse if I am getting reminded. I know it isn’t his fault as I have asked him to help me and get me going and encourage me and that is what he is trying to do but when he says let’s go for a walk… I cringe and don’t want to do it.

I have been feeling so good with my tummy the last week! I haven’t had to take my losec pills like I have been and my T-Shirt feels baggy on me and when I go out (weekend wise) I feel a little scruffy because the T-Shirt is soooo baggy (in my mind anyway). I think my decision to not weigh myself has been better because I am not getting stressed about how much I have lost or if I haven’t lost getting mad because I haven’t. Whereas I just feel at the moment that I am loosing weight and nothing else can convince me otherwise because I feel good.

Anyway enough of my moaning.

Well I think I have done really well with food... even though I might have gone over a bit but I felt happy because I didn't want to snack like I usually do and also I felt full on my one homemade burger at home and usually I could have eaten two burgers with no sweet but felt really full with this one. It was so yummy looking that I ate it a little fast and should have eaten is slower.


Tuesday, 4 January 2005

Felt energised today! I Felt Skinny

This is the fourth time to put in my thoughts and I am a little scared to do that at the moment... so let’s see if this works.

Got up this morning and felt like going and visiting a friend that lives 45 minutes away. I went and tried on some three quarter pants in a light green which is so summer and refreshing. When I put on these pants I thought they would be tight and I would have to stretch them as they used to be hugging on me... But they weren't today!!! They weren't!!!! OMG was I shocked.. Ok they weren't like hanging on me but they weren't tight either and the whole day I felt soooo good and so skinny... But I knew that I didn't look skinny but my self esteem was so much better yesterday.

Who would have thought that a pair of pants would do that to your self esteem?
I haven't weighed myself and I have just only measured myself on the 2nd January so when I started on the 16 December 2004 and anything that I have lost before that I will never know if I have or not apart from the pants and how they feel so I am happy know end about the feeling I am having so here are my measurements and lets just see in a month how they change or if they change.

TIME 2.30pm
Measurements in Centimetres
Arms 54
Chest 136
Waist 144
Hips 160
Thighs 80
Calf 61
Neck 43
Total 678

Good night


Monday, 3 January 2005

Want to chat

I want to write in this blog today so much!

I just want to say how my day is going so far.

I have had Special K this morning for breakfast with banana and it was yummy. Usually all I have is toast and not really wanting that as it is. My hubby has given me my water and was told to drink so he is at least supporting me in this.

I put on some three quarter pants today that I haven't worn in a while and it wasn't as tight as I thought it would have been. Now I am not saying I have lost lots of weight but feeling so much better around the tummy where it isn't so tight and feeling like I am suffocating.

It feels good that I am not doing a diet I am just making better choices. Plus I haven't told my mum I am on a diet just subtly making the dinners better and she doesn't realise it is healthier. My mum lives with us since Dad died and she doesn't understand that a tablespoon of margarine on veges and everywhere else is not good. She thinks that if you cook meat in grease it isn't bad for you she thinks that all you need to do is put it on napkins and all the grease will magically fall off. So these holidays have been good as hubby and I have been cooking instead of her and so it has been healthier.

Anyway I will post again later on tonight.

Chubby Mum

Sunday, 2 January 2005


Keeping to the routine! I don't even know if I mean routine. Just that I am getting myself into a rhythm now with this. Drinking water instead of all the other drinks that is available out there. The only thing is, is that all this change of habit is consuming my life at the moment and that is what put me off all the other times I went on the D word.

The water is getting easier but when I look at all the water that I have drink it looks like so much and then it is going to happen again and again the next day and the next day! It seems so overwhelming I just don't know what to do. I try not to think about it but how can people drink that much water and not think about it?

Went and got the groceries today and it just took forever to get and I felt soooo powerful in the fact that I didn't want or crave for any chocolate or anything bad and was really trying to make healthier choices. I am not going over board with the life change just making better choices. I don't want to give up full milk and I don't want to be scared to eat anything but I want to make sure it is in moderation.

I went to a site today where a lady has been loosing weight and now she seems to have gone overboard. Why after being so big would someone go to the extent that her photos look terrible with how you could see her bones and she looks anorexic? I want to be healthy but that doesn't mean that looking at bones is going to be the way to do it... there is a limit and some people don't know when to stop (or slow down). I know the same thing can be said for getting so overweight like I am now but I think that was just because my other half loves me for me and it hasn't been a big deal until now that I have kids I don't want them to be ashamed of me. I had big parents but was never ashamed of them as such. I know when I was a teenager going to school sometimes I didn't want to be seen with them but I think that is just being a teenager.

I am doing this world! I know I am going to keep with it... I am with a great group of ladies and I am enjoying the fact that it is small and that they are extremely encouraging. I am truly blessed to have these friends that know what I am going through because they are going through it too.