Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Until driving my kids to school today I didn't realise that I was feeling like it was happening to me and that I take everything that is happening to my friends on board like it was my problem and not theirs... such a weird thing that is hard to explain.
I can't understand how a couple that for 11 years loved each other and looked fabulous together can have this happen and the guy hasn't even told her what the problem was just that he is getting on with his life and he has a new woman and a new family and stuff his old one and treating his kids like crap.
I know it is not my life this is happening too... but I feel powerless to help her and she has no one and no family and the friends she had were all co friends with her ex.... it must be the hardest thing ever to go through.
I have been talking to hubby about it and making sure that we are talking and that he would never treat our kids or me like that if we ever broke up because it is the nastiest thing and we have made an agreement that never ever ever would we put each other down in front of our kids and that we would try everything possible to keep together and go to counselling etc if that was ever to happen first (which my friends ex didn't do).
I am the luckiest woman on this earth I reckon.
I have a supportive husband and he isn't that bad looking either (if I may say so myself he he). I have 2 great kids that are caring and funny and loving and I have a great mum that lives with us (even though sometimes she drives me crazy I do love her). I have a great life... working part time at a job that isn't that bad really and quite flexible.
I am losing weight (even though it is slow) I get to go on bike rides and walks with my kids and we do things together even though most of it stuff that doesn't cost too much as we live from pay to pay (and that is totally our fault because we choose to live in the area we do) but that is ok too.
I think what I am trying to say is that I am trying my hardest to look at all aspects of my life to make sure that I keep losing this weight and that my whole life is happy because when things are down in my life I lose the motivation to lose this weight and I don't want that to happen.
In the last week I have tracked and I have tried really hard. I have only gone to the gym once but I am ok with that because I am a little bored of the kickboxing and the gym at the moment but I don't think that has been too bad for me... I am still going for walks and trying to park further away from things too.
I am hoping (HOPING) that tomorrow mornings results on the scales are good for me... I want to be in the teens. I have only 800 grams to get to the teens and then I will be the HAPPIEST PERSON IN NZ. So all cross your fingers for me.
What have I done today to make me feel proud: Today I had sushi instead of another takeaway my workmates had... so proud I didn't succumbe to Burger King.
Sunday, 29 July 2007
And now... I mean ok I am not skinny and have 40 or more kilos to go but I feel like this is a happy person and this is a person that is looking after herself and her family.
Food was good this week... a couple of over the points but not overly. I think I might be making a loss but not too sure how much. Lets hope it is a good one but any loss would be good at the moment.
Didn't get out of bed until 12.15 today woohooo. Mum let us sleep in this morning till 10.30 and then hubby got me breakfast in bed. Burgeon (spelling?) bread with banana and cinamon on the top and put in the oven to crisp up the banana and cinamon woohooo... yummmy.
Then watched a DVD in bed with the boys (as it was pissing down with rain outside) and while they were watching that I was reading Harry Potter (the 6th book though as hubby was reading the 7th grrrr).
Went out shopping to get the unisex presents for our Christmas party next weekend and OMG OMG it is hard to find something to get.... I had such a hard time finding something.
Work tomorrow... grrrr not really wanting to he he he... want to be lazy and stay in bed again tomorrow. Not going to happen though.
OH MY I cannot think of what to write in here today so I will just leave it for now...
Friday, 27 July 2007
It looks longer in the picture than what it is really.
Kate I put a scrapbook page on my post yesterday for you to see. Thanks for the website too.
Thursday, 26 July 2007
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Loss/Gain: Gain 300 grams
Current weight: 120.7 kgs
Total loss: 34.0 kgs
Small challenge: 119.9 kgs
Started: 12 June 07
How much to go: 800 grams
OK so I gained 300 grams. This week has been a nightmare for me and to be honest the food wasn't my first priority with the Wedding Expo etc so I have to now focus on the weight loss and see what I can do. I can't seem to stop myself from going 120.7 to 120.3 and back and down GEESH ME.
I started off well today and was very proud.... OMG was I wanting Burger King today... not that I wanted it just that my mind wanted me to go and get it GEESH... so I started driving towards it and thought NO I don't need this for lunch so I drove an extra 10 minutes in the opposite direction and got Sushi instead. I was proud that I got sushi instead of Burger King for lunch... a much healthier option that is for sure.
So far my food is:
6 pieces of Sushi
(I LOVE SALMON) OMG
Mocha Frappe (done with water and no cream)
I am trying to not make excuses for how crap I am at losing the weight these last couple of weeks but to be honest I didn't give a flying F** (smack hand) the last week on what I was eating. I really tried hard with the exercise and making my steps be more than I have done but the food went on the wayside.
Steps this week:
60,825 - 39.5 km
So I am soooooo proud of my walking but the food let me down. We had quick dinners so I could get things organised and on Saturday we had KFC and I can't say I loved it as it has been 2 years since having it but it was nice for a change.
- Portions are coming down..
- Water to be drunk
- Only 2 V's this week
So they are my goals for the week.
I don't want to stay at the size I am anymore but I also don't have the motivation either.. and I think a lot of you out there are having the same problem. The thing I am finding that I am happy about is that I am not gaining more than a couple of hundred grams so I know how to maintain so that is a good thing to know for when I get to goal. Now is the challenge to get rid of some more.
9 Day until the Xmas Function... so I have to get my A in to G and lose 1 kilo!! I have to be in the teens by then... I just have to!!!
Love ya all
Monday, 23 July 2007
I forgot to mention that at the expo I had my Weight Watcher leaders come up to me and say OMG look at you Look at you. You look fantastic and you look like you have lost more weight. Woohooooo.... it felt fantastic that they noticed (even though it was only 1.3 kilos lost since last seeing them) and I told them that but they said it looked like I had lost more as my whole shape had changed around my waist he he he... I felt on an even more high after seeing them it was great.
Anyway at work so I better get my A in to G.
Friday, 20 July 2007
Today I went for a walk around the lake again as it was a beautiful weather and also walked the boys to and from school.
I did 12,746 today am I on a high or what.
I am not going to update much this weekend because of the expo so I am sorry about that but I will hopefully get some photos.
Love ya all
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
So on top of doing the invites and finishing alllllllll the stuff I have to do tonight I have to do the quote... and to be quite honest I should be doing it instead of doing this blog he he he but I am being a procrastinator until the kids go to bed or I will be doing it out of frustration because I can't concentrate I know I know excuses aye.
So if I get this then I will have two contracts for businesses for their gifts wohoooo... and if you know of any other business that might want to hire me please please tell them he he he
I felt sooo hungry today and wanted to nibble nibble nibble.
To tell you the truth I am worried about my weigh in tomorrow.... only because 2 weeks ago I was a nightmare with my food and in my experience in the last two years I take 2 weeks for a weigh to show properly and even though I have been good for the last two weeks it won't show up just yet. I have 400 grams to get to my teens OMG I wish I would get it but I am not going to put my hopes on it AT ALL.
Work was full on today as I was trying to catch up on things.
Anyway goodnight everyone
Monday, 16 July 2007
It is not just walking uphill that provides benefit. Walking downhill has its advantages as well. Doctors in Austria examined two groups of people.
Sunday, 15 July 2007
Friday, 13 July 2007
It was a lot of un. My mum came with us and took some of the photos and I wasn't upset about this photo like I would normally be. I don't think I look as bad as I used to think... so that was a positive just there.
Wow how the time went really fast. The kids enjoyed it and I would take them again and it got them some exercise.
We then went back to my friends place for coffee and took look at the photos we took.
Friday was a lost day for me as I haven't been feeling well and had huge headaches and sore throats. My mum let me sleep in in the morning till 9am but it wasn't long enough and at 9am the boys were bouncing up the stairs wanting to play OMG OMG wish that the school holidays would hurry up and finish. So they watched a DVD up in our room while I tried my hardest to get some sleep.
My aunt that had the stroke phoned mum at 9.30 and they were talking and I got on the phone and she burst into tears. Her words were slurred and she was crying because it was soooo hard to try and talk. She was really good when talking to mum as she didn't want her to know how she was feeling. My cousin got on the phone and said that she was taking it better than expect and that they found a clot in her brain. I didn't know what to say and tears started to well up in my eyes. We are so far away and couldn't help at all... it is just not right. But at least she phoned so my mum could relax a little.
So about 11am I got out of bed and went downstairs and decided to have my lunch before we went out to the library to take the books back. It was the only place I could think of that we could go and the boys would be quiet and I could just sit because I was feeling like crap.... well they got restless and so when we got home I got them on their bikes and we went and got some apple muffins (little ones) and took it over to a friends place to have coffee... I didn't have any of them but I needed to get out and apparently she needed someone to talk to. Her name is Sherryl and things have been getting on top of her lately. OMG I seem to be attracting people with problems lately. Hubby said that it is because I am a good listener... maybe I should have done the lifestyle course like I said at the start of the year. Hmmm still thinking about it.
I have been really slack with my blogging lately... I don't really know what to say on my blog lately...
I have been on this website called www.walkingwithattitude.com and I have been on another website to get more support as I am needing more support than my blog lately because I don't want to go back to the fat person. But I am not happy all the time and I used to be able to say on here but haven't felt like I could in the last couple of weeks...
I know I haven't been losing lots each week but I am losing and in 5 weeks since leaving Weight Watchers I have only gained once and that was only 100 grams. I have lost 1.3kilos in 5 weeks and others can loose that in 1 week but for me... that is still a loss and I am not gaining... it is all good. I get frustrated sometimes when others loose more than me and I have to cope with that... it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but I can't go back to the old ways.
Got up at 8.30 and had breakfast with the kids... I love weekends where we sit and have breakfast together it is nice to chat. Then we got the car ready for going grocery shopping and on the way decided to take the boys to the lake so I could walk around it. What a glorious day weather wise out there. I had my head phones on and it took me 35 minutes to get around it. When I first started walking around the lake it took me 55 minutes so I have improved soooo much.
While I was doing that hubby and the kids were at the playground. We then went and got our groceries and then came home to make homemade nachos for lunch yummmmmmy...
Hubby took me out to get a basket for my bike and then we went for a bike ride to my friend Tania's and around exploring little paths... it was great we went 8.5 kilometres it was a great ride.
Tonight I am spending most of my time on invitations for the expo... it is only one week till I will be there and I am sooo nervous and not really wanting to do it but I know I have to... he he he
Tomorrow mornign I am taking the boys to the gardens where What Now is going to be... so we have to get up at 7am and it is on till 10am OMG that is soooo early.. am I a sucker or what... ??? he he he
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
Loss/Gain: Lost 400 grams
Current weight: 120.3 kgs
Total loss: 34.4 kgs
Small challenge: 119.9 kgs
Started: 12 June 07
How much to go: 400 grams
Well I am really pleased with the loss of 400 grams. I figure if I lose 200 grams a week and I get more then I am happy with that because it is a loss and not a gain aye.
Since leaving Weight Watchers 5 weeks ago I have only gained once... so that is great aye. Ok it hasn't been a lot of weight I have lost but it is a loss and I am not in this for a race.... I am in this to change my lifestyle and to take it off for ever and NO WAY am I going to get back up to the almost 160's EVER EVER EVER AGAIN.
Only 400 grams to get to the teens... and it better be off before I come down to ChrisH's place. We got confirmation yesterday that our room is all booked and ready for us WOOHOOOO... it is going to be great.
I haven't worked out what I will get for the Xmas presents yet OMG that is a hard thing to do. Also food hmmmm.... we don't have a kitchen in our room so that will be interesting too but I am sure there is something I can take etc he he he will be a challenge.
I had a crap day yesterday and couldn't even write in here. Got to work feeling wonderful and then at morning tea my son phoned (now he doesn't usually) and then said "hold on mum nana can talk now" which worried me.
Apparently mum's sister in law phoned from Bermuda (where most of my family is because I was born there and so were my parents etc) to say that Mum's sister was in hospital as she had 2 mini strokes and she can't talk as everything is slurred (this sister just came out of an operation 10 weeks ago where they took out one of her kidneys).
Now that isn't all..... at the same time telling her about her sister found out that mums brother in law died and also that one of mums best friends died... so as you can tell she was not in a good mood.
So I finished work and went home as she had the kids and spent the day at home... was not a happy place.
So the story is.. mums sister who had the stroke and mums brother in law were once married (still friends though it wasn't a terrible break up) and a week ago they were all together for their daughter's wedding. So the poor kids have their mum in hospital and their dad just died and they both live in different countries. OMG imagine that...... The stroke happened before her ex died so that wasn't the reason she had a stroke.
I am travelling down to Rotorua today for a business meeting with one of the new girls down there. The bosses in Auckland suggested that I go down and help her out and I might be able to help her out. OMG so they are paying for travel and for lunch woohooo... She sounds really nice in her emails... it will be great to catch up with her.
I have my mother in law looking after the kids and I am taking my mum down to get her out of the house and she is going to shop while I am there. Then straight back home as my mother in law has things to do when I get back ho hum. Would have been good to stay down there for a while and catch up with people grrrrr oh well I suppose it is great that she is looking after them at all....
Will tell you all when I get back from Rotorua today.
Monday, 9 July 2007
They had three of these and we were given numbers when we first came in and when your number was up then the 2 people that had that number would take a bag each and kick and hit from opposite sides. The rest of the people were doing the class with the same hits and kicks that the people on the bags were doing. OMG OMG I am sooooo sore it was soooo great and I was fatiged after the class that I felt like I was going to keel over it was the strangest feeling but I loved it.
Got home after the Kickboxing and found that Corbin had gone to sleep the minute we left at 5.30pm and it worried me because before we left I gave him some pamol as he was feverish. He has had a cold for 2 weeks now and we thought that he was getting over it but obviously he wasn't poor wee man. So we took him to the A & E to make sure that all was ok and we were sent home with Antibiotics and I feel happy about that because after 2 weeks his body wasn't fighting this and so he needed help. Hopefully this will sort him out.
2 weeks until the Wedding Expo and I am far from on track and I am tired of doing new invites to put in this... it is getting me down because I am a perfectionist and I don't like doing what everyone else is doing and then when I do do something I don't think it is good enough.
I am not going to do another Expo that is for sure as I would rather get a wedding and do exactly what they wanted instead of having to make up a lot of samples for a one day thing.
Which reminds me Lee-Anne girl we have to touch base re your wedding hun. I have to get to you some samples and we have a good old chin wag and sort out exactly what you want in these invites.... sorry I have been so preocuppied with the wedding expo and you did say your wedding wouldn't be till next year. I am still on to it ok!!!
Oh and I went to put my painting clothes on in the weekend too to do some painting and they used to be sooo tight on me that I would never wear them anywhere but at home and so I went and put them on and started laughing and hubby came upstairs to see what the hell I was laughing at and saw that they were sooo big that I couldn't even let them go because there was no belt to keep them up soooooo funny and made me realise how far I had come. So here is the photo...
So there you are... the pants that used to really really tight look sooo loose on me now and I could not keep them up he hehe
Good night everyone
Saturday, 7 July 2007
Yesterday was a downer of a day.
I did all of 700 steps in my whole day... went to the movies with the kids and did things at home but didn't want to move or do anything.
This morning go up early because the house across the road was having a garage sale and silly people turning up before the time... neighbour got mad and said go away until I am ready... so the whole house was up by then he he he.
Went to the garage sale across the road to see what was there and we brought a table that we can have camping so that was a good thing.
Hubby and I went to the gym woohooo we went to the gym it has been weeks....
- Anyway... so I did a lot of arm work today this is my routine...
- 10 minutes treadmill -Incline of 2, Level 5 and it felt really good and relaxed. Usually I feel really tired on this machine first. But I felt great.
- 3 sets 15 of Lateral pulldowns
- 3 sets 15 of Chest press
- 3 sets 15 of Shoulder Press
- 3 sets 15 of Seated row
- 10 minutes on cross trainer
- 5 minutes on recumbant bike
I know reading this it didn't sound like much but I have been reading online about Body for Life for a couple of days so I am trying to do some of their routines so that I can build muscle (not in the looks just to replace the fat) and so you have to do some weights so that you can build the muscle and get rid of the fat... http://bodyforlife.com/challenge/whatis.asp
I am not doing the food part because I don't want to be eating their products to be quite honest and I want to still be eating the food that we normally eat within reason. I am going to try the protein bla bla things and see if it works.
This week I have been trying to get back in to the exercise routine that I have neglected. So far this week since tuesday I have walked 20km and found a website that has told me what my step counter equates to in kilometres... so that is great as far as I am concerned he he he.
I can tell you that right now my arms are absolutly sore and throbbing he he he so I have done something right he he he.
I feel like I have my motivation back. I just had to find my mojo in the exercise back again and now I want to go to the gym.
So I have taken a leave of absence from my trainer for a month to see if I can get this weight off and get fit with my husband and save myself $50 a fortnight.
We were chatting with the owner of the gym today and OMG he was great (I had always heard nasty things from my personal trainer about him but today I am seeing things differently).
Hubby's membership finishes on the 11th and mine on the 11th August (as I had a month to go before we renewed the membership to be a family one.. anyway we were trying to see if there were other ways to pay for the membership instead of weekly as it is costing us $300 more if we do the weekly thing instead of the lump sum.
He made us a deal and said that we go away and talk about it because we have been with the gym for 2 years that if we could come back with a plan like pay a lump sum now and in a certain amount of months come with the other lumps sum that he will think about it.....wooowww that was fantastic so instead of $1,300 (with fortnightly payments) he was allowing us to pay lumps sums to the value of $999 to make life easier. I couldn't believe it and said thank you we will get back to you.
The thing is... is that I have a contract with him for labels for wine bottles for Xmas for his business so that is like $450 so that is almost half of the sum there... so if we could come up with the other half I wouldn't have to pay it ya know... Didn't say that to him though. So if I do a good job on the bottle labels I might be able to get a yearly thing out of him so I can pay for my gym membership hmmmm thought that was a fantastic idea.
Anyway so we came home... got the kids and went and paid for our warrant of fitness and our registration OMG money money money forked out today.
Came home and for lunch had bacon, eggs and toast (remembering we went to the gym and didn't have breakfast) hmmmm soooo yummy and it wasn't a lot of food so that was still ok. I only had 2 strips of bacon and they weren't done in grease.
Then we went for a bike ride (weather today is sucky and windy and rainy) but we went out and the wind was in our faces but no rain woohooo and did a 5.5km bike ride with the wind against us and I felt fantastic. It was a great ride. Corbin decided to stay home with my mum and it was Jeremy, me and Quinn. It was a great ride.... he he he he.
Came home painted my picture frame (the rest of it) for the expo and put a roast pork in the oven for dinner tonight.
My friend that has been having trouble with her ex that has just left her came over with her kids and they played playstation and we chatted. It was the first time in 2 months that her daughter has smiled. At dinner we were all talking and my friend said to everyone... 'so what was the best thing that happened to you today' and started with her son (6 years old) and her daughter (9 years old) said "I have two best things... walking with my mum today and coming over here to Aunty CM and Uncle CM OMG I had a big smile on my face because she was happy and she wasn't upset or moody (as she has been since her dad left and thinks that no one loves her and certainly thinks her Dad hates her (which he does but doesn't like other to know) they clash... so anyway stuff her Dad I think she is a great kid and has great manners... it was nice to know I made her smile.
My friend was sooo much more relaxed tonight too... and she thanked me for listening and being a good friend too... it was great to know that I had helped her and that she was feeling a bit better even though she is going through hell at the moment.
They left at 9.30 and it was very very very late for our boys (cross our fingers they sleep in he he he).
I had a fabulous day.
Tomorrow we are going to the gym again and then we have more friends over for dinner as they are up from Wellington (8 hour drive from here) they have been away for the school holidays and coming to visit. She is an old friend from school and I have known her since I was like 9 years old we went to Japan together when we were younger too. It is going to be interesting to see her as I haven't seen her in a year now and I have lost some more weight so I can't wait to catch up with her and her hubby and kids... we are going to have a naughty dinner of fish and chips but hey... I will work my backside off at the gym tomorrow morning to pay for it aye... he he he.
Ok so I have rambled on enough.
Breakfast: Naughty didn't have any because going to the gym and the hectic day he he Lunch: Eggs, Bacon and toast
Dinner: Pork, Potatoes, Peas, Carrots, Pumpkin
Food wasn't wonderful but it wasn't that bad either I thought. I wasn't hungry and I wasn't overly full either because I didn't eat to be full like I usually do... I was pleased with it today.
Exercise was over the normal and Food was JUST ok.
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
Monday, 2 July 2007
I mean that I was concentrating on it so much that I was either being strict with my food or going over board and in the last couple of weeks I have said to myself that I am not going to track but be weary of what I am eating and also that I am not going to go overboard on the exercise as I am finding that I am feeling stressed and out of control because I am getting mad if I can't get to a class or go for a walk and life isn't supposed to be like that.
So I have been going for walks and putting my pedometre on and making sure that I make little increases on my steps each day and if I don't do many steps I am happy with that as well.
I know that I am only loosing 200 grams and 500 grams but they are losses and they aren't gains so life seems great with me with that at the moment. I still have little panic attacks on a Monday thinking OMG weigh in is Wednesday morning I hope I have lost.
I have got the dreaded monthly so I know that there isn't going to be a loss this week but that is cool. I would really really like there to be a loss but not gonna happen.
I think winter for me... I get a little overwelmed with all that is happening with soccer with the boys and having to go our separate ways to take them now and not go as a family because both of them are playing this year and also with my Papaya business and all the things I want to achieve with that and also thinking about studying a small business course to help me with the things I am not understanding and then the weight loss and also trying to find some time for my friends and for hubby too... the weight loss (in huge waves) just has to put on a slow go at the moment.
Last year I tried so hard with the tracking and the events that it really didn't get me that far in the weight loss (in the fitness it did) but I am in this for the weight loss and not the fitness at this stage... so maybe this year with focuss off the weight loss as the major major thing in my life it might be better for me.
I am finding that leaving WW was a good thing for me because I have not gained in 3 weeks since leaving and when I was going to WW I was up down up down up down so it has made my decision a lot easier.
I have also said to my PT that I am having a months break from her too because it is getting to be the same old same old and I need to refocus what I want with the weight loss and the exercise at the moment and I am not enthusiastic about going to PT sessions with her at the moment because I have been going for a year and it is another waste of money for me... so when I can sort out what I want from my PT's then I will go back and tell her what I want to achieve and how she can help me.
I always thought that if I left WW or my PT that I would gain gain gain and would stop thinking about weight loss and I was eventually gain it back. I don't think that is going to be the case with me. I know it has slowed but it is still happening and I have to really think that I have achieved something here and I am not giving up just refocussing where I am going and how I am getting there.
I have also been quite preoccupied with my friend and her break up because she is going through a rough time and she is 49 years old and it has taken her back that she is now bringing up a 6 year old and a 9 year old all by herself now and she is terribly lonely. I just need to be helping her out too. She doesn't have any family and went through a major cancer ordeal in the last 10 years too that I don't want stress to be another thing in her life to cope with without anyone supporting her.
It certainly makes me reassess my life and what would happen if J did that to me... sometimes you get so focussed on your family life and how you need to do everything for everyone in your family and one thing like the hubby leaving can really disrupt what you thought was a perfect life and that you never once had your individuality and now life will be totally different and there is not a damn thing you can do about it... scary really.
Oh and I had a text from Kris last week telling me she finally got off her backside and got a part time job... I sent a text back saying it was a pity she didn't take my advice 2 years ago. She said that she is enjoying it and she should had done it when I told her too... so I suppose that is a good thing.. the woman had too much time to sit and think of what a crap life she had but also wouldn't take advice from anyone because why would she... her hubby works two jobs so that she can go and spend it all for him on things for herself... GEESH.... I think she is finally sorting out the things in her life that just didn't work and maybe got off her lazy backside to get a life. OK enough moaning just makes me wonder... it is one thing to be at home to look after kids but when 2 are at school and the other one is always in the creche makes you wonder if she is being lazy or what ya know.
Love ya all