Monday, 2 July 2007

Contemplating life....

I have been trying not to think of weight loss in the last 3 weeks and it seems to be doing me better.....

I mean that I was concentrating on it so much that I was either being strict with my food or going over board and in the last couple of weeks I have said to myself that I am not going to track but be weary of what I am eating and also that I am not going to go overboard on the exercise as I am finding that I am feeling stressed and out of control because I am getting mad if I can't get to a class or go for a walk and life isn't supposed to be like that.

So I have been going for walks and putting my pedometre on and making sure that I make little increases on my steps each day and if I don't do many steps I am happy with that as well.

I know that I am only loosing 200 grams and 500 grams but they are losses and they aren't gains so life seems great with me with that at the moment. I still have little panic attacks on a Monday thinking OMG weigh in is Wednesday morning I hope I have lost.

I have got the dreaded monthly so I know that there isn't going to be a loss this week but that is cool. I would really really like there to be a loss but not gonna happen.

I think winter for me... I get a little overwelmed with all that is happening with soccer with the boys and having to go our separate ways to take them now and not go as a family because both of them are playing this year and also with my Papaya business and all the things I want to achieve with that and also thinking about studying a small business course to help me with the things I am not understanding and then the weight loss and also trying to find some time for my friends and for hubby too... the weight loss (in huge waves) just has to put on a slow go at the moment.

Last year I tried so hard with the tracking and the events that it really didn't get me that far in the weight loss (in the fitness it did) but I am in this for the weight loss and not the fitness at this stage... so maybe this year with focuss off the weight loss as the major major thing in my life it might be better for me.

I am finding that leaving WW was a good thing for me because I have not gained in 3 weeks since leaving and when I was going to WW I was up down up down up down so it has made my decision a lot easier.

I have also said to my PT that I am having a months break from her too because it is getting to be the same old same old and I need to refocus what I want with the weight loss and the exercise at the moment and I am not enthusiastic about going to PT sessions with her at the moment because I have been going for a year and it is another waste of money for me... so when I can sort out what I want from my PT's then I will go back and tell her what I want to achieve and how she can help me.

I always thought that if I left WW or my PT that I would gain gain gain and would stop thinking about weight loss and I was eventually gain it back. I don't think that is going to be the case with me. I know it has slowed but it is still happening and I have to really think that I have achieved something here and I am not giving up just refocussing where I am going and how I am getting there.

I have also been quite preoccupied with my friend and her break up because she is going through a rough time and she is 49 years old and it has taken her back that she is now bringing up a 6 year old and a 9 year old all by herself now and she is terribly lonely. I just need to be helping her out too. She doesn't have any family and went through a major cancer ordeal in the last 10 years too that I don't want stress to be another thing in her life to cope with without anyone supporting her.

It certainly makes me reassess my life and what would happen if J did that to me... sometimes you get so focussed on your family life and how you need to do everything for everyone in your family and one thing like the hubby leaving can really disrupt what you thought was a perfect life and that you never once had your individuality and now life will be totally different and there is not a damn thing you can do about it... scary really.

Oh and I had a text from Kris last week telling me she finally got off her backside and got a part time job... I sent a text back saying it was a pity she didn't take my advice 2 years ago. She said that she is enjoying it and she should had done it when I told her too... so I suppose that is a good thing.. the woman had too much time to sit and think of what a crap life she had but also wouldn't take advice from anyone because why would she... her hubby works two jobs so that she can go and spend it all for him on things for herself... GEESH.... I think she is finally sorting out the things in her life that just didn't work and maybe got off her lazy backside to get a life. OK enough moaning just makes me wonder... it is one thing to be at home to look after kids but when 2 are at school and the other one is always in the creche makes you wonder if she is being lazy or what ya know.

Love ya all

1 comment:

Chris H said...

OOOO be careful there mate, sometimes women don't go to work once their kids are at school cos they want to be there for them after school and in the school holidays... like me eh? And I did get a part time job in a school so I could be there for them still, but lots of people can't eh? Maybe Kris was lazy, but not all are. That was slightly "red rag to a bull" hee heeeeee.