Wednesday, 30 March 2005

Finally a friend close

I went for…. Wait for it…. Wait for it!!! 4.5 kilometres walk today 1 hour and a half OMG I am sooo sore but I am soooo proud of myself as I didn’t think I would make it.

I met a girl at Weight Watchers and she gave me her home number to call her when I would like to go for a walk and she really needed someone to walk with her and so we went for a walk today!

She has lost 25 kilos and gave me some of the clothes she used to wear and is now too big for her. It felt weird as I haven’t had a met a friend like this in so long… someone who is actually in the same subdivision and who likes the same things as me and it felt kind of spooky… I mean the only place in this world I reallllllly wanna see and is my dream place to visit is Venice and that is her favorite place too but she has seen it (the lucky thing) I think I have been missing having my friends around. One friend moved 8 hours away and another lives 2 hours and one the other side of the world he he he so I think I have been missing that… now isn’t that a lot to talk about today.

We talked non stop today and it felt like so comfortable! She even phoned at 6pm to ask if I had told my hubby about some of the things we talked about. Yesterday before going for this walk hubby asked me what she was like this new friend and I said “she, she um I don’t know how to explain her but she is like me”. I told that to her today and she said her hubby and her were talking and she said she was going for a walk with me today and he said what is she like? She said “she is a person that I feel I can talk to and knows what I mean and understands what I have been through and what I am going through” OMG that is weird I reakon.

I know this whole entry is sounding weird but it is hard to find friends… especially when you get older and yes I have friends but they are so far away and BLONDE is a friend but not someone that I can tell things too…. Yes my weird entry he he he.

But anyway I felt soooooo good to do that walk today and I am not too sore tonight anyway he he he he.

Signing off for now… thanks for listening to my ramblings.


Tuesday, 29 March 2005


YES!!! YES!! I am back on the subject again but OMG OMG I came downstairs tonight as I was getting ready to go to Weight Watchers and BLONDE was down at the kitchen table talking to husband... OMG her hair was the same exactly F(&(*&en colour as mine... and get this she went to the hairdresser and asked for the same colour!!! CAN you believe it... the one week I get a big huge change with colour and cut and she goes and does this IT JUST MADE ME SO ANGRY... yes breath ChubbyMum BREATH but I just get so wild... I mean it is hard enough to get compliments when you are big let alone when a friend does the same f(&*(&en thing at the same time and some people would take it as a compliment but I realllllly hated it!!! It wouldn't have mattered so much if she would have done a week or two down the track but a couple of days JUST PISSES ME OFF and I am seething.

Ok so now I have gotten that off my chest. I know I am harping on about it and I know she is a friend and I shouldn't rubbish her but For F*&k sake doesn't she get it!!! Plus I did start this diary so that I can get things off my chest and have people listen and talk to me! Because holding it in doesn't help me at all.

Yes if that didn't piss me off.. well I gained tonight... OK I am not really that mad at the gain of 500 grams... I know I deserved it! I deserved it because I really overindulged at Easter and I shouldn't have but I did. Plus with the two nights of kickboxing cancelled because of Easter it was really hard to get the exercise in.

But I did manage to mow the lawns OMG I have never done that and I was just sweating like anything and I also managed to do 4 hours of fence painting on Sunday and helped hubby with the retaining wall too so I felt like the exercise was subsidised... but that is ok... I gained because I didn't track and I didn't stop myself eating the chocolate. I think I am angry at myself because I know I didn't have to eat that chocolate and I did and that was my fault.

I am going to track this week and I am going to drink my water and if I don't manage it then it is my own fault. I have 3.7 kilos to get before the 11 April so that is two weeks... maybe if I really put my all into it I can make it aye!!!

One good thing that came out of this night was that I met a really nice lady and in the last couple of weeks we have been chatting and she came over tonight and gave me her card!! It was fantastic to get that card because I feel connected or something with her. She is a big lady too and to know that she knows what I am going through is so comforting. We have made a sort of date to go walking together tomorrow but to tell you the truth I am a little nervous about it because she looks really fit compaired to me. I know she is big but when I see her walking in the morning I can only wish that I could walk as far and long as her. I don't think I could make it as long as her. So we shall see tomorrow what it would be like. It is actually quite exciting to meet another friend. In years while I was getting bigger I shut people out and have kept to the house and not made many friends. I still have my old friends but they know me the real me (most of them).

Anyway what a depressing entry I have today. I do know in all of this the gain I gained this week is my fault and only my fault. I didn't stick to it and I have to try harder this week.

Thank you all for listening and thank you for your comments... they do get through you know.. I don't always reply to all of them but it is like I am a junkie now with them and LOVE getting them so feel free to go for it!

Love ya all

Monday, 28 March 2005

BLONDE again GEESH me!!!

Hey.... Just like to say thanks Queen you are right in a way... it is a form of flattery that is for sure that she copies but after 10 years of knowing her it gets a little much because I do want to be her friend and with friends I feel that you should be able to tell them anything and everything but there are things she doesn't know about me and I will never tell her because of the fear of her copying... and that is the part that I am sad about.

I have to feel free to be totally honest with friends or it doesn't seem right, I mean isn't that what friends are for... to lean on and to listen to and to be totally honest?. The times I have told her things she has gone and done or got it before me like it was a race or something and I realllly hate it.

Sometimes it feels like she is changing and that I can feel free to say stuff to her like for instance that I do scrapbooking but I just don't feel like it will be I would have to compete again.

Anyway... don't want to say more than that.. I had a good day today! Didn't wake up till 1pm OMG 1pm I haven't done that in 5 years so that was fantastic. We went at 2.30 and got the boys from their granddads and OMG I missed them and all I wanted to do with hug and kiss them and hug and kiss them.

This weekend has been a shocker for food!!! I have done a lot like painting the fence and I ACTUALLY mowed the lawns yep yep yep I mowed the lawns. My hubby actually took a photo of it too he he he he. But I ate a big Easter Egg.. and feel guilty but I sat back and thought Easter is only once a year and as long as it isn't going to be every weekend then oh well I gain one week! I still have to have some nasty foods but all in moderation.

I don't want to go back to work on Thursday! I have been off since Friday and I don't want it to end.

Anyway going now!!!! Had enough of the moaning about BLONDE.

Have a good night everyone
Chubby Mum posted on 6:36 p.m.

Sunday, 27 March 2005

Easter Sunday

What a day!!!!! Slept in Woohoooooo no one to wake us up. Then at 11am I painted the fence and finished at 4pm and hubby did the retaining wall while I painted the fence OMG soooo sore soo sooo sore. Had my BLONDE friend over helping out and had her over for dinner too. What a great friend!!! Yes sometimes she can be a pain but she gave up her Easter Sunday to come and help.... but yes here I go again... I am also going to complain about BLONDE too...

Well anyway I got my hair cut and coloured on Thursday and she knew because she kept saying.... only 2 days till you get your hair cut and only 1 days till your hair cut and colour.... wellll.

Today she said nothing for an hour about my hair!!! I had it cut short I mean short tucks behind my ears when before I could get it in to a pony tail and gone from blonde (or sandy coloured) to a brown red colour with little highlights and she didn't notice for an hour... or liked it and hated the fact that it looked good.... then when she noticed she said OMG you have coloured your hair and then in the next breath (which hubby kept repeating to me tonight because he couldn't believe she had said it) she said... I am going to buy a colour tomorrow and colour my hair a browny red thought I would have a change... hubby just looked at me and his eyes went up thinking OMG do you hear what you are saying... I know she copies but OMG OMG I just got my hair cut and coloured reddy brown and then she is going to do it as well!!! OMG OMG what is wrong with this picture.

I ate too much chocolate... I am sooo bad I had a medium easter egg and my tummy is feeling sick... I know I shouldn't have but I DID!!! and now regretting it but it was worth it when I ate it as I haven't had any chocolate since January 11th soooooo I am feeling the pain now he he he
It is now 10:15pm and I do have to go and have a nice long soak in the bath!!!! get the paint off my feet. I swear BLONDE put more paint on my feet than on the fence he he he he... but it was realllly nice that she helped and it was really really great that she helped.

Only 2 weeks Only 2 weeks Only 2 weeks till I meet my online buddies... OMG I am soooo looking forward to it but I am getting a little nervous too... OMG only 2 weeks to go woohooo

posted on 10:04 p.m.

Friday, 25 March 2005

Good Friday

Everytime I have tried to update the diary in the last couple of days it says that there are too many people on that I can't... OMG it is driving me nuts because I want to update and get it out!
I am getting so anxious about meeting everyone that it is not going fast enough for me he he he only 2 weeks to go.

Well I got my hair cut yesterday and OMG 10 people could have had a haircut and colour for the amount that lady charged OMG OMG but then again it makes me feel good and I think it looks good. So much easier to look after... a lot shorter and a lovely browny red colour with highlights... I am quite happy with it... and soooooo much cooler.

I know that I haven't lost a lot of weight but since I have lost 6.8 kilos I have felt like I am a skinny we thang he he he he and feel more energetic. I went out shopping with Mum on Wednesday and brought two new tops but the best thing about buying these tops was that before Xmas they were selling them and they were too tight around the tummy that it didn't fit and felt really bad and I was soooooo upset that I couldn't get in to it. But but but I got there yesterday and thought argghh why not try it on again and OMG OMG they fit.. yes I could loose more for it to be loose but they fit and they didn't feel as uncomfortable... I was chuffed with myself... I could try on more tops than usual and decide which ones I wanted... it felt fantastic. I can just imagine what it is going to be like when I loose way more weight and can fit into other tops... more trendy ones.

Took the boys to their Granddads today (hour and a half drive away) and we were running late and then yep you guessed it we got a flat tyre argghhhhh but finally got there and the boys were so excited to be going camping with Granddad and Nana Pat... they love going with them and the dogs. Plus in a way it is good for Jeremy and I to have some time just for us and to be able to actually sleep in Woohooo sleeping in that is sooo rare for us.

I am a little worried too as there are some really bad drivers out there too and I don't want anything to happen to my little boys... I have a horrible pit in my tummy when they are out on those roads without us. I do trust hubby's dad though and they are both ambulance drivers so hey they are in good hands.

Anyway going to go now and I might (if I can get on) update later on.

Chubby Mum
posted on 12:58 p.m. >

Tuesday, 22 March 2005


I have been home a couple of hours and I am really happy with my weigh in but I didn't know what I wanted to say on here tonight!!!

Woohooooo I lost 1.6 kilos... altogther 6.8kilos (14.96 lbs) OMG I got my stone from Weight Watchers Woohooooo my 1st stone and I am sooo happy. I am soooo happy because I wasn't going to go to the meeting tonight as I am supposed to get my monthly today or tomorrow and I always gain in that week and I didn't want to go through the pain of gaining ONCE again.
My BLONDE friend was really good today. I wasn't going to go and she said I should go and said that I have been loosing and I know that... I do really thank all of you for keeping me sane. I have lots of people saying that I am loosing it at the right speed and do know you are right but my mind tells me differently sometimes.

I went yesterday and brought a Woman's Day and I can tell you I don't buy it usually and not even a Woman's Weekly or anything like that because I don't usually want to know about all the celebraties and really tired of seeing Lady Di on all the covers still after 5 years but yesterday I got one because one I wanted to see a FAB article on a diary friend of mine. Lyn had an article about her in it and I tell you she looks fantastic. What an inspiration!!! I want to look like that one day. Today I do feel I am on my way. I know I have only lost 6.8 kilos but it is off and I am going to get to the 10 kilos before the 11 April!!! I am going for it!

It was great at the WW meeting tonight. I really enjoyed talking to our two leaders! It was fantastic how they went through the same things as I am going through now. I didn't know them when they were bigger so I can't imagine them big at all and talking to them was fantastic. One of the leaders had a scrapbook with photos of herself when she was bigger and OMG she doesn't look like that anymore her face has changed as well. She kept saying how it isn't just her face that has changed and she even had friends treat her badly when she started loosing the weight. I said to her "then you are better off without her then, because friends are there for the bad and the good parts and if she wasn't willing to be there through this then she was a friend that she needed" and she said that is why she lost all the weight because she knew then that she wasn't keeping the weight on for noone!!! she was going to do it despite her.. Woohoooo I say.

What a rush when you loose weight huh! I hope this isn't going to be a like a drug... as at the moment it feels like it... it feels like it because when I do loose I am on a HIGH and when I don't loose OMG am I a depressed cow or what.

I have missed updating these last couple of days. Bloody Diaryland has been down and it has been a pain in the rear end I can tell you!!! This is the third time since I have started my journal that this has happened and I am getting a little tired.

Anyway I am on a high!!!


Sunday, 20 March 2005

Diaryland has been down again

Well I have been trying since Saturday to update but diaryland has been down (once again).
Friday I wrote about my work and was really upset when I wrote it but really it wasn't that big!! I will get over it I know... I wasn't angry with the people but the fact that my boss would go and apologise for me... if I thought that I had done something wrong and had upset someone I would have gone and apologised and when it happened the guy's face laughed and we were talking afterwards and I am certain he would have told me if there was anything that I said that he didn't like.

Just thought I would clarify it as I am not a person that holds a grudge that is for sure. Life is too short.

My weekend has been pretty good and everytime I put on one of my baggy t shirts it feels even baggyer around my arms.... I thought that the t-shirt was like stretching but all my shirts are doing it... around the arms and the tummy. I know I have only lost 5 kilos (11 pounds) but I feel such a difference and also in my self esteem like I am lighter and feel more energy to do things with the kids.

Went for a walk at 1pm today in the heat OMG almost died at the time as I was sweating but I felt really good afterwards as I had done my exercise. I also went on the swiss ball while watching ice age with the kids.... for an hour anyway... my thighs are a little sort but not as much as they would have been when I first started. I just bounced up and down and did twists with my tummy.... yeah I know it was a lot of exercise but at least I did it. My support team said I should walk in place while watching tv but I would get soooo bored with that that I wouldn't want to do it anymore.

My kids are wanting to use my laptop today and they have their own computer. OMG sometimes I wish I had never taught them how to use the computer he he he... but then again Corbin was playing solitaire today and I was soooo proud of him because it got him counting down and up and learning about kings and queens and jacks too. It was good that he was concentrating and it was also teaching him at the same time. Not bad for a 5 year old I must say. The only thing is is that he wants to do it on my computer ARGGHHHH.

Gone over in my points in the last couple of days... I have got my exercise points to use and still have 5 points left but spread it over the daily points and it seems ok but I still feel like I am cheating when I do that.

My support group has an 8 week challenge that I am soooo looking forward to. I want something that I can grit my teeth into... I have the autumn challenge with sfl but I also wanted to do another one with my support group as it helps me keep things going. I really want to get to the 10 kilos... it feels sooo unreachable but I have to do it.

I have stopped myself thinking about the 70 more kilos that I have to loose and I am thinking in 5 kilo lots (11 pounds). I still can't get over the feeling I felt when I lost the first 5 kilos and got my star... I don't want my BLONDE friend to get to the 6.3 (stone) before me... I would REALLY hate it. I mean God she has only 10 kilos to loose and I have 70 and she will get to her goal wayyyy before me I know it but I still don't want the milestones gotten to first. She will never get to the stage that she has lost 15 or 20 or 30 kilos... but the first 5 kilo and stone and 10 kilo I don't want her tooo.... yep it sounds selfish... yes it does but she has done everything before me in life and I want it to be my time... and that is also keeping me going. We go to dinner or out to lunch and guys stop and stare at her and I understand that... I am a big girl but I don't care really too much as I have a fabulous husband and I know she wishes she did too. I don't want to be second best anymore!! I want them to look at me and I do know that it is going to be a while before they do and not that I am going to do anything but feel happy that I am a looker now too... so this is going to keep me going!!! it is!!!

I am meeting some wonderful and inspirational ladies on the 10th April... and I cannot wait. I mean altogether they have lost (with my 5 kilos) 140.8 kilos!!! that is almost me for crying down the sink... OMG that is fantastic. I want to meet these wonderful ladies and get to know them and their struggles... and so that next time I meet them maybe at the end of the year when I go down to Wellington again they can see a difference in me and they will probably be at goal. So that is another thing that will keep me going.

Well this is getting to be a novel he he he he I better get on with playing with the kids and doing dinner he he he

posted on 1:02 p.m.

Saturday, 19 March 2005


I am reading a book at the moment called "The secret dreamworld of a shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella" OMG OMG it is such a light and funny book. I just can't put it down. Sometimes I wonder if I am like this lady and then I sit back and think OMG I cannot be a stupid as this lady and how she keeps buying and buying things... I am not into labels or anything but sometimes I do find that I want to buy buy buy. Reading this book has got me in fits of laughter.
Anyway I was reading it in my break at work today and thought that I would mention it.
Reply with more about my day later.


Yep back again... well boss came out and said thanks for taking the work for the last three weeks she appreciates it but then she mentioned an incident back 10 days ago when one of the lecturers said something and was teasing the other lady here and I said "You are lucky she hasn't told you to bugger off" he he he and he smiled and seemed like he could take a joke... well apparently my boss went to him the next day and apologised and he said what for???... she said for me saying that to him... OMG OMG OMG and he said he wasn't offended.

I wouldn't have said it if I was going to upset someone and he could tell that I was only joking and that is why he laughed... sometimes I really get the impression that the people I work with are a bunch of prudes.

I can't wait to get back to my own office where I won't come out all day and I won't talk to anyone... I am just a natural friendly person and now I feel like I talk to much and I shouldn't have an opinion... You know I wasn't hurt when they said it but now that I have had time to think...

I am really upset with the fact that they would go and apologise for something I had said when it was me that said it and they weren't even in the room to see that the lecturer's expression was one of laughter and not pissed off... I am sure he would say something to me.

So now I am thinking that I will never ever volenteer to do anymore overtime at all because they have known me a year in this department and know that I am straight forward person and that I am not a little small mouse that will sit there and say nothing. I don't think they realised how much it hurt.

I am considerate of people and go out of my way to help and now I can feel the steam coming out of my ears.

posted on 3:59 p.m.

Friday, 18 March 2005

On a high

OK another entry... but I went to my taebo (or kickboxing)class tonight and I am so sore!! I really pushed and pushed myself. I am so proud that you couldn't believe!!

I feel on a high because I have really tried to push myself to do more in the exercise. I mean I am sweating so much now and a couple of years ago when I was trying to loose weight I never ever had a sweat on my brow!! I am sweating so much that I have to have a towel there at the gym.

My arms and thighs are sooooo sore tonight!!!! I just can't get over it. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I can't get enough of the exercise. Well I am addicted to kickboxing. I can't say I love walking but if you give me a kickboxing class everyday and I could afford it then I would be there.

Anyway enough of my rambling. Don't forget this is the second entry for the day..

What I look like... and being positive



I have come to the conclusion that I am a negative person. I don't want to be! I don't want people to read my diary and think OMG she is complaining again... I don't want to read again. I don't know how to stop!! I have decided that I am going to try and be a little more positive everyday... But it isn't easy so there will be negative things in here.

Why do I do it? I think I do it because in real life I don't want to bore my friends or husband silly with the complaining so if I say it in here then at least I am getting it out and not holding it all in to make me crazy.

I had a fantastic email yesterday from a lovely new friend I have met online and I thank her for it. I had tears in my ears when reading it because she was so caring when she wrote it... I am at work writing this so I haven't got the email here that she sent but I should put it in there. (Thanks Janine)

I sometimes wonder how she gets the positive attitude she has. I have always been a worry wart and a person that is negative... not overly negative though but I do put myself down and not think of the brighter side.

I just get so impatient and I know the longer it takes to come off the longer I am going to keep it off. I have lost 5.2 kilos in 9 weeks and that is great really but I want it to be like 7 or 8 kilos and not just 5. The thing I need is for someone I know to notice the difference because it would boost my confidence no end. I do realise that I don't need that and I should be very happy with what I have achieved and that it is off and not on. It is just the way my brain works that if someone notices it then it just gets me going.

I started this entry to thank Janine and also mkia and fat queen too for the notes and emails just recently and the support it has really helped.
Well it is only 2 more days of full time work left then I am back to my part time work and I can tell you I CANNOT WAIT I have had enough of this job I am doing (while doing my own I might add) and feeling like a dogs body in the job. This lady has worked here for almost 30 years (I was told that yesterday) and I reallllllly don't know how she has managed to stay sain with such a mundane job with no appreciation. She is a trooper and a fantastic person and she is always happy to help.... I do lift my hat to her.

I just got an email to say Janine got the job she was after WOOOHOOOOO FANTASTIC NEWS it could not have gone to a more well deserving person that is for sure!!

Have you ever wondered what I look like? I read others diaries and sit there wondering what they look like... I mean I love reading them and feel like I have known them all my life but I have never never seen a photo of them.. Would be interesting to know what people think I look like..
Wanna tell me?

Anyway signing off for now.

P.S Woohooo for you Janine.

Wednesday, 16 March 2005

2nd entry for today

I lost... yep I lost but not a lot but it is better than gaining aye... So I lost 200 grams!

I know this is going to sound really silly and bitchy but BLONDE has now lost more than me OMG why haven't I lost more... they say that bigger people loose more... what am I doing wrong. Yes I know people keep saying it is better that you are loosing than gaining and I have still lost 5.2 kilos but I want to do better and I need to understand and I don't.

My hubby seems to think it is because I am working full time and I was loosing better when I didn't have that extra pressure of work and the kids etc.. That I was thinking about what I was eating and with work I feel like I am nibbling all the time and with lunches it is better to have it at home then I am not tempted to buy the wrong things etc.

I have stopped taking my purse to the cafe when I meet the girls for lunch and I hope that makes a difference next week.

I don't know what else to say in this tonight but might write some more later.

Other than that I am really glad that I went to WW tonight... the group is starting to become so much more fun and the people are actually warming up to each other.

Chubby Mum

Constant Chat

What is wrong with me? I mean am I kidding myself that I can do this?? In my mind I feel like I am trying to loose this weight but then I really look at myself and think.. Am I? Have I really been good?

If I had been good for the week before the weigh in I wouldn't be so scared to get on those scales.. but then again there are weeks that I have been fantastic that week and I have gained.

As you can guess I am going in for my weigh in in 3 hours and I am soooo nervous you wouldn't believe. I have done exercise but I can't say I have been perfect with my food. I can't tell if I will loose or gain weight anymore... I have a good week and I gain.. I have a bad week and I loose and then when I think I am going to loose I do loose... it just doesn't make sense.

Life seems to be consumed by this diet at the moment. I am also missing the fact that lately my support group have been either ill or away or really busy and haven't been posting as much. I know they have other lifes but I really want to be involved in a ongoing group. One that you get to know the people and that you can post and post and post to and have people post and post back on a daily basis. I think I miss that. I have friends but no one that is going through this lifestyle change and it is getting me down.

I know it is too much for people sometimes to constantly keep emailing but I crave for it!!! I know I know get a life!!! I do know it but when I here others going through the same thing then it makes it a little easier for me.

Anyway I will post again after weigh in.

posted on 2:52 p.m.

Monday, 14 March 2005

Hectic, hectic, hectic week

Well what a week. I think I am just struggling with working full time and THANK GOD that this week is the last out of the three weeks Woohoooo. Hey mkia thanks for your message!!! YEP still alive and I have been neglecting my diary because I get home and feel so tired.
Weekend here has just been so full on. Yesterday went and brought some new sneakers (some call it runners or joggers) Wow they set me back a few penny aargghhhh, but went for a walk up the hill with the boys last night and YIPPPEE what a difference.
I have flat feet so walking usually really hurts my feet like for days later, but after walking in the new shoes I felt sooo good and also it make me work my calve muscles more instead of the bottom of my feet. Also did the grocery shopping for the fortnight and that was like an hour and a half (I hate shopping for food soooo much).
After all that we went down to the big park where they were having a fun walk for cancer. This is where they get teams and those teams walk for 24 hours on shifts. My hubby’s Dad and step mum were in it with the St John Ambulance so we were there about an hour or so with the kids and did a couple of rounds around the running track it was fantastic and there were so many people there all dressed up and lots with flashing lights on them so they can be seen in the dark.
Today we were going through our bedroom and sorting things out and I cut the boys hair even hubby’s and then went out to get wrapping paper for a birthday party that the boys were going to… yay we left them there for 2 hours while we had some time to ourselves Wohooo. Then after that was finished we mowed the lawns and dug out a little trench strip for the retaining wall we are constructing in the back yard. So the weekend was full on and not really sitting still. OOPs forgot we also went out to get some gold fish.
It doesn’t seem a lot when reading it but it feels like a lot when doing it he he.
Really quite nervous about the weigh in on Tuesday as my monthly is due this week and I had a gain last week. I want to get to 10 kilos before 11 April and I don't think it is going to happen how hum. I am still loosing but I don't think I have been putting my heart into the food and making sure that I am tracking as much in the last week. I am still not choosing bad things and I am doing my exercise as normal but not going all out like I did when I started.
My BLONDE friend was off last week for a couple of days and she said that her tummy was playing up. I said to her that her symptoms of burping a lot and having a sharp pain in her tummy were consistant of an ulcer. I think I would know I have had one since I was 15 ARGGGHHH and it is something I wouldn't want my dog to go through. So she said she didn't think so and went to the doctor and waited 2 days for results and low and behold she has an ulcer... I wouldn't have liked to have gone through those days with her because an ulcer is just the worst thing you could have. So she hasn't been eating much at all so I can guess she has lost way more than me... you know that is the only thing I am worried about and I know that sounds like a bitch and I am not really a bitch but if you can imagine this....
Her 154 pounds and me 327 pounds... she has lost the same amount as me... I just hate it... I have been trying my hardest and she has been pigging out in the weekends and drinking and we have lost the same amount.. now after this week I can imagine the gap is going to get bigger where she has lost more than me. Yep it does sound like I am a bitch... I am not really just get pissed when she is soooo skinny as it is that I have so much to loose that she is still losing it faster or that she is loosing at the same rate just pisses me off.
Well I have booked myself in for the 24th of March to get my hair coloured and cut to make me feel great about the fact that I have lost this weight and hopefully before that I would have lost more. I was looking in the mirror yesterday and was trying to find out what was different about my face. I know that I feel that I have lost weight on my face and thought that my cheek bones were more prominant... I feel now that I am seeing my eyes more now (at the bottom) under my eyes. Like my eyes are bigger now or something. It made me feel really good today when I was looking.
Anyway I think I better get offline now and I will try my hardest to get on more this week.

Thursday, 10 March 2005

Grump Grump Grump

Today was a crap of a day. I hate working full time... I do not like this girls job it is the most boring job I have had in my entire life. At the moment I am working her job (Full time position) and mine (20 hours a week) so that is 57 1/2 hour job in only 35 hours a week hmmmmm now does that sound like a nightmare. I realise I was the one that said yes to taking her job for 3 weeks as it was needed and if we got a temp in then we would have to explain the whole Uni thing too ARGGHHHH and also the money is good.
Just that I haven't done any of my work in 2 weeks and that wasn't what was supposed to happen and it is frustrating me no end because in the long run it is my reputation going down the drain when things don't happen. So that is why I have been off for a while not replying as much. I get home and I am exhausted... because of the job being sooooo mundane and boring... at least my job there is a challenge... how can this woman work in this job for 10 years and still be sooo nice and actually sane... I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.
To make matters worse... the computers went down yesterday too.. well the internet as in town some idiot had cut the cable he he he he major damage.. and then the building electricity went out he he... and at home they cut off our electricity saying that we didn't pay and I know darn well we did... well I thought we did.. the bloody bank had stopped an A/P and since we don't use that account for anything I hadn't noticed ARGGHHH so we had to get it put back on again and have a reconnection fee... OMG like I have been paying the electricity bill for 10 years now and they didn't have the curteousy to ring us or leave a message... I mean my mother lives with us and she is home all day... no no no they just cut it off.. talk about customer service.
THEN>>>> yep there is a THEN... the washing machine wasn't going and I have to get someone in to fix it. I felt like the whole world was going against me.
Anyway that is me for the night.. grump grump grump.
Chubby Mum

Monday, 7 March 2005

Red Wedding

What a weekend this has been I feel like I have been run over with a bus he he he.
Yesterday consisted of going to the Bunnings with a trailor and filling up two loads of big building blocks (150 of them to be exact) for our retaining wall in the back yard OMG OMG they were so heavy and my arms are just sooo sore today.
Then went to a friends wedding and it was fantastic she had it at the new (Most expensive)rugby field (that we all pay for in our taxes grrrr) but anyway her wedding was fantastic and low key but really romantic and she wore Red OMG red and I was sooo proud of her because she had been going with her man for 11 years since she was 16 she didn't feel like white was her and was sooo scared to tell anyone but her sister that she was wearing red. She looked fantastic in red and I said to her that she needed to do what was right for her as it was her day.
The bride and groom got up to do their wedding dance and it was to Barry White with his deep sensual voice... and the dance routine was sooo funny that we asked them to do it again later on. It was a really great wedding and I was glad I went... I certainly danced my butt off and even had a couple of guys that came and danced with me he he he when hubby was tired (and he is skinner that me he he he).
So needless to say this morning I am soooo sore!!!!! But lets hope that has lost me some kilos he he he....
Anyway I might write later but for now have to go and dance with the kids!!!! such a nice day.
posted on 5:10 p.m.

Friday, 4 March 2005

A Novel today he he

OK the only thing with working full time for the next three weeks is that IT SUCKS!!! OMG It is amazing how you see people differently when you work with them more than 20 hours a week. Stressed snappy people he he he that keep telling me it is ok I don't have to fret!!! OMG I feel like I am the only relaxed person around here and if one more person says "Calm down" I will definatly show them what not being calm is about. I was asking the other lady here if I was coming across as stressed... she said she didn't think so as I am always smiling and friendly and she didn't think I was stressed... my boss keeps saying don't stress... OMG I am not stressing.. I must admit I don't like working full time but I am not showing the stress at work.
The other lady here says it is probably because she is getting stressed he he he..
I do feel really unhappy this week. My husband in the last two years keeps saying I am much happier with my life since working only part time. I think I have found my balance in life and not working 40 hours a week is so agreeing with me. I don't think that I want to go back to permanently working full time.
I am sooo proud of myself this week for loosing. I honestly was stressing out in the weekend and on Monday and Tuesday before weigh in thinking that I was going to gain as I managed to have 3 of those Weight Watcher Icecreams with chocolate on the outside... but kept within the points but though OMG it will catch up with me he he he.
It was sooo cool getting my book mark with the star on it. OMG before I got one I always used to think what is everyone getting so ecstatic about it is only a bloody piece of thick paper hehehe but it is so much more than that it is like a big achievement.
We had to leave early from the meeting and I just couldn't wait any longer so when the WW leader got us to get in groups I went up to her and said can I take the bookmark now as I have to go and then she stopped the groups and said in front of everyone that I was getting my first book mark OMG OMG was I ever embarrased and I was standing at that OMG I wish that I would have waited till next week and went and got it then before the meeting he he he..
It is getting a little easier now.. I got past my 3 week problem area where I start diets and the 3rd week is a nightmare for me. I have been on it now 7 weeks and ok I have lost every week but still we can't all be perfect. At least it is coming off that is the main thing. 5.3 kilo's is what I have lost so far....11.66 pounds and that is fantastic... but for me to get my bicyle I have to loose another 48.4 kilos OUCH and in pounds is 106.48 OMG OMG when I look at that I just cringe. But until I get to that mark I am not getting on a bike. I want to be 100 kilos when I get my bike so it is an incentive to get there. But if I am loosing at the rate I am now it will be about 23 May 2006 OHHH that is such a long time away.
If any one has lost the amount or is trying to loose the amount that I am loosing I want to hear from you please... how do you do it!!!?? How did you cope with the amount you have to loose and did you keep going? I know it is a life change but the slowness of it is driving me insane. I know I have only been on for 7 weeks but I was expecting a kilo a week not 750grams and it just seems like forever to get down to even 100 kilos which by the way is still WAY OVERWEIGHT. Yes I do know it is my fault that I got this far anyway... I think I just want people to notice and for it to affect my self esteem so that I will loose more and quickly. I mean I am doing 2 to 3 hours of exercise a week and really sweating with it and 700grams average a week is just so slow.
I have been really slack this week in updating my diary and also with emails that have been sent and I want to say SORRYYYYY to those that have sent emails and I haven't gotten back to you. Tonight (cross fingers) I don't have anything planned after my hour of kickboxing and once all the family is settled tonight I will be online and trying to reply. I do appreciate the emails but with working full time and everything else I haven't had time... but KEEP sending them I LOVE emails..
Anyway I might come on later and update even more he he he
Chubby Mum.
IT Continues......
I just want to chat!!!
I want to have a support group that chats all the time.. I know others have lives... but I want to chat!!!! ARGHHHHH feeling quite bored today!! I want to meet people and talk about things and feel soooo lost this afternoon.
Wow just realised that I am a lonely sad person! I miss friends... true friends that listen and that I can listen to them too. Ones that are always there... anyway I am going now before I get worse GEESH me.
posted on 1:05 p.m

Wednesday, 2 March 2005

Woohoo Bookmark

OK been a little slack in the last couple of days but haven't been able to get to my computer much. But went in for my weight tonight and I lost WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO was sooooo worried that I wouldn't as I haven't been as good as I have in the past weeks. I kept with my points but I still have lots of sugery things that I shouldn't.
So anyway I lost 1.4kg this week. Total of 5.3 lost all together Woohooo so I got my first Bookmark (star) with Weight Watchers... so chuffed you wouldn't believe wohoooooo.
Roll on the 10 kilos mark Yay.
Anyway will try and update again on Wednesday.
Chubby Mum
posted on 10:53 p.m