Tuesday, 29 March 2005


YES!!! YES!! I am back on the subject again but OMG OMG I came downstairs tonight as I was getting ready to go to Weight Watchers and BLONDE was down at the kitchen table talking to husband... OMG her hair was the same exactly F(&(*&en colour as mine... and get this she went to the hairdresser and asked for the same colour!!! CAN you believe it... the one week I get a big huge change with colour and cut and she goes and does this IT JUST MADE ME SO ANGRY... yes breath ChubbyMum BREATH but I just get so wild... I mean it is hard enough to get compliments when you are big let alone when a friend does the same f(&*(&en thing at the same time and some people would take it as a compliment but I realllllly hated it!!! It wouldn't have mattered so much if she would have done a week or two down the track but a couple of days JUST PISSES ME OFF and I am seething.

Ok so now I have gotten that off my chest. I know I am harping on about it and I know she is a friend and I shouldn't rubbish her but For F*&k sake doesn't she get it!!! Plus I did start this diary so that I can get things off my chest and have people listen and talk to me! Because holding it in doesn't help me at all.

Yes if that didn't piss me off.. well I gained tonight... OK I am not really that mad at the gain of 500 grams... I know I deserved it! I deserved it because I really overindulged at Easter and I shouldn't have but I did. Plus with the two nights of kickboxing cancelled because of Easter it was really hard to get the exercise in.

But I did manage to mow the lawns OMG I have never done that and I was just sweating like anything and I also managed to do 4 hours of fence painting on Sunday and helped hubby with the retaining wall too so I felt like the exercise was subsidised... but that is ok... I gained because I didn't track and I didn't stop myself eating the chocolate. I think I am angry at myself because I know I didn't have to eat that chocolate and I did and that was my fault.

I am going to track this week and I am going to drink my water and if I don't manage it then it is my own fault. I have 3.7 kilos to get before the 11 April so that is two weeks... maybe if I really put my all into it I can make it aye!!!

One good thing that came out of this night was that I met a really nice lady and in the last couple of weeks we have been chatting and she came over tonight and gave me her card!! It was fantastic to get that card because I feel connected or something with her. She is a big lady too and to know that she knows what I am going through is so comforting. We have made a sort of date to go walking together tomorrow but to tell you the truth I am a little nervous about it because she looks really fit compaired to me. I know she is big but when I see her walking in the morning I can only wish that I could walk as far and long as her. I don't think I could make it as long as her. So we shall see tomorrow what it would be like. It is actually quite exciting to meet another friend. In years while I was getting bigger I shut people out and have kept to the house and not made many friends. I still have my old friends but they know me the real me (most of them).

Anyway what a depressing entry I have today. I do know in all of this the gain I gained this week is my fault and only my fault. I didn't stick to it and I have to try harder this week.

Thank you all for listening and thank you for your comments... they do get through you know.. I don't always reply to all of them but it is like I am a junkie now with them and LOVE getting them so feel free to go for it!

Love ya all

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