Tuesday, 28 August 2007
Went to work and had Debbie back from a 3 week work experience in another creche and then back again and said to me that I am looking really good and that she would like to have my clothes when they are too big for me. I felt like saying to her that if she was losing the weight she wouldn't need my clothes but didn't want to get in to that. Apparently the other teachers were saying that she is eating chocolate every day and just not wanting to lose the weight.
I want to say something to her but it got to be such a battle where I was propping her up all the time and helping her lose the weight that I wasn't concentrating on my own weight loss. I might say something subtle and see how I go because I don't want her to go backwards but I am certainly not going to be concentrating on her weight loss anymore either.... so we shall see.
Went shopping yesterday to get a Fathers day present for hubby and OMG is he hard to buy for or what. I am tired of buying him books and CD's OMG for 18 years all he wants for Xmas and Birthdays is Books and CD's and I do understand that it is nice to get things that you like but it gets a little boring for the people buying. So I brought something (now I am not telling you right now because he reads this blog sometimes and I don't want him to know what the boys got him... but it wasn't a book or a CD wooohoooo me!!).
I was so down in the dumps last week when I felt I was gaining weight and I was doing well. I was telling my email buddy all about it everyday and she must have been getting annoyed he he he but I just could feel the clothes getting tighter... well yesterday I finished my monthly and OMG do I feel good today and feel like I am back where I was a week ago... it is bliss. I was getting upset because I knew I had been trying hard to be good and it didn't feel right.
Has anyone else noticed when they had lost a lot of weight that their monthly's were different. I never used to go longer that 5 days and now they are longer and also it used to be like a 38 day cycle and now it is a 28 day cycle... I know I know it is great that it is normal health wise but OMG I don't feel like it is great when I have more of them a year now he he he but I am also feeling really moody (when I didn't before) and heavy and angry... it is the weirdest thing ever.
Anyway have a good night everyone
Monday, 27 August 2007
I am keeping on track (weight loss buddy knows this) and I am doing my exercise and so this week coming once my monthly is over I know it is going to change.
I am feeling good about the exercise and tracking at the moment and feel like I am finally back on a routine.
I have noticed that when eating my breakfast lately that I am getting full and usually breakfast's are terrible and I feel like I have never had enough so something is changing for me.
Weigh in day at home today:
Gain: 500 grams
Current weight: 120.4 kgs
Total loss from WW: 34.3 kgs
Total loss from start: 39.6
Leenie Challenge: 115.6 kgs
Started: 13 August 2007
End Date: 1 October 2007
To lose 6 kilos in 7 weeks
Start Weight: 121.6 kgs
Current Weight: 120.4 kgs
How much lost so far: 1.2 kgs
How much to go: 4.8 kgs
It is going to happen!!
I am going to keep it up!!
I did not give up last week and I am not going to give up this week because of what the scales say as I know I have been good.
That is all I have to say on the weight loss subject.
Anyway I am still gloating about yesterday's post with my beautiful beautiful boys and how great they did in soccer this year... how awesome is that.
Back at work today. As you all know I work 3 days a week but this week it is sort of like 4 days as I am going up to Auckland on Thursday (my day off) with some of the ladies from here for a course grrrrrr but hey I get paid for it and lunch gets paid so that is life aye.... it will be good to meet some of the other ladies up there too as I am always talking on the phone with them but never see them in person. Now the thing is what to wear he he he.
Anyway gotta get some work done.
Sunday, 26 August 2007
These two photos are of the boys before they got all grubby... sometimes I reckon my boys think that they are playin rugby and not soccer he he he.
It was the most exciting game watching Corbin's game because if they won this game then they either were going to tie for the Championship or win the Championship depending what the other top team was going to get with their game.
I think I made so many steps yesterday because me and the other mums were jumping on the sidelines everytime they got a goal and the team's parents on the other side didn't understand why were were screaming and so me being sooo excited shouted "if we win this game we have won the championship" and so they were smiling and understanding why were were overracting after that.
In the last half I was asked to sub and in the end didn't because everytime I tried to sub the coach would sub them off again quickly... and Corbin wasn't allowed to be subbed off at the end either and he missed a goal by the bloody goaly (OMG I wanted to slap the goalie he he he).
Above is Corbin going for the ball to get it in the goal
Above is the ball in the air (yellow arrow pointing)
THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON and at the end the parents were hugging the parents and the kids were hugging the kids and I didn't think I could jump and down so much in my life it was BLOODY excellant and I was so so so proud.
So when we went home we got everyone showered and ready and then went to do groceries... and got home and mum watched the boys while hubby and I went for a walk and we went for about an hour and a half and it was great to talk and not be interrupted by the kids etc.
In the afternoon I made some cards to sell on trademe so I can make some money us so hubby and I can actually go to the movies or something like that.
I was getting quite upset today worrying about the fact that I was trying so hard to do my exercise this week and track and I wasn't losing. But hubby had a huge talk to me and said that I am doing all I can and it will come right once the monthly is finished and I should know by now that I gain in that week and the numbers on the scale do not mean anything when you know you are living healthy and doing the exercise. I agree with him now that I think about it but it is hard when people are watching me do this challenge and I am gaining.... so tomorrow expect a gain but next week OMG watch out because those 118's are coming my way.
We got up at 9am and had breakfast and then went for a walk. We starte at 10.30 and got back at 12.30 and in the middle of all that walk we went and played soccer and ran around the field and also walked to the shops to get pita breads and ham and lettuce and so in all that I did a lot of steps and had fun with the kids and got my ball skills up he he he. It is amazing how your ball skills get better when you have to kick it up the foot path all the way on the walk... makes you think how to control it.
I am now going to go and make some cards...
Love ya all... will try and update on what we are have done for the rest of Sunday later.
My steps this week were the following:
Average steps a day: 8,735
My steps last week were the following:
Average steps a day: 6,933
I am so proud of these stats.. and if I don't lose this week it isn't because I haven't increased my exercise and tracked and these stats prove that to me... I have to keep that in mind at the weigh in tomorrow. I am an achiever! I am successful but there are always hiccups in my road. I am going to make goal. I am going to make this L Challenge. I am going to be happy.
Friday, 24 August 2007
I didn't go as far as I did yesterday... think I learnt my lesson lol.
I just have to say M.... missed you.
I enjoyed today. I enjoyed today because I didn't have to be anywhere or do anything like I usually have to do every day off so I went to my study to do some creating and found the room a mess so I cleaned it up first and then sat down and did some stamping for cards. It was really theraputic for me. I am considering making lots and selling them on trademe or something like that. I want to make some money because at the moment I am feeling quite strapped for money with Corbin's birthday, Fathers day, my birthday and Quinn's birthday in the next month it is just too much in one month.
I have missed making.. just because, I want to make cards ya know... just to be creative. I was in my room and was thinking (geesh that is terrible to be thinking he he he he he) I wish I could do this as a full time job. To be creative and to sell and make because I am enjoying and not because I have to do it to someone else's specifications... just to be creative. Hmmm going to make an effort to be more creative from now on.
So....... I got my monthly today OMG it explains it all... the moods, the depression the feeling like I should be eating everything under the sun (but I haven't).
I have tracked this week... my buddy is making sure of that and also hubby but I am going to either stay the same or gain this week because I feel it in my clothes and everything else but hey 1 week out of my 7 isn't bad because I know it will be because of my monthly and not because I haven't done enough exercise or not tracked... as I have. So I am trying to be realistic and to not put too much hope this week but to still keep tracking and exercising.
Corbin's and Quinn's last soccer game tomorrow and there is a lot riding on Corbin's game because if they win this they will either tie or win the Championship it is going to be so tense yet exciting tomorrow... ok yep yep yep proud mum and going to miss soccer..... not the early mornings but going to miss watching and cheering from the sidelines.
Goodnight everyone and have a great weekend.
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
Tuesday, 21 August 2007
Monday, 20 August 2007
Sunday, 19 August 2007
Saturday, 18 August 2007
Friday, 17 August 2007
Thursday, 16 August 2007
Woke up this morning and it was blowing outside like it was going to rain but it didn't start when I was trying to take the kids to school so I got my tracksuit and sweatshirt and sneakers on and walked the kids to school and decided to go for a walk when they were at school...
Got to school and one of the mums said "are you going for a walk" I said yes and she said can I join you so we went on a walk and it didn't feel like we went very far but I had done 8,402 steps by 10.30 wohoooo and then we went for a coffee (well I had a frappe with water and no cream woohooo) and chatted for a while and then I walked home.
Took mum out shopping and went to get 6 light sabor's (star wars) for Corbin's birthday party and also got a lot of things for Quinn's birthday for his desk (that mum is buying him for his birthday). Quinn is a lot like me and is a stationery aholic he he he so I got pens and stapler, pads, colour paper, stickers and a diary etc there is heaps and heaps of things for him... it was great to get most of the birthday stuff all done.
Came back and had lunch then I was off again for my weekly coffee with some of the school mums OMG 2 times in one day going to a coffee shop. I had a english breakfast tea, but didn't drink it as I wasn't in the mood really and brought it because I thought i had to sit there with something.
And now I am home and my steps so far are....9,653 and I am happy with that as my average is usually 7,000 so that is all good for me today.
Got a gym appointment tomorrow morning for my new program so I am looking forward to that and Jeremy has his appointment at 12 on Saturday so we are going to be motivated and on to it woohooo.
So tonight is a relax and design Corbin's birthday party invites arghhhhh.
Might update later.
Feeling great today
The rest of the day was just cooking dinner for the family and then playing Jenga with Corbin and now wanting people to update on their blogs as I am bored bored bored... argghhhhhh wanting to read some positive things and wanting to have something to read and and and and OMG am I babbling or what??
P.S I am glad that ChrisH has updated because I have been worried about her all day. I phoned her place this avo to find out if everything was ok and her son said she was out and things were ok... can relax now.
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
I sat here this morning thinking what am I going to say on here today. I have to get back in the swing of blogging and not hiding what I am feeling.
Haven't gone quiet because I am doing bad or anything..
Just gone quiet because.... what do I write.
Went to the gym last night and felt good about it. We only did 40 minutes but have decided that any gym session is better than none.
When I was 160 kilos I didn't want to go anywhere as I hated people seeing me and hated that they were looking at me... and last night while I was there I was reminded by a conversation I had with my trainer about a year ago that she said "you don't tug at your shirt as much anymore" I don't... and last night I did and I think that was the fact that I had to get back in the swing of things and realise that people aren't watching me and if they were too bad. I tugged at my shirt to make sure it was long enough as I hate my tummy sticking out.
So I have to get that feeling of not tugging back again and this challenge I think is going to be a great start.
So I did 15 minutes on the treadmill (3 incline and 5.6 speed) and I was happy with that. Then went and targeted my legs and did thighs, on three different machines (can't remember what they are called he he he) but felt quite wobbly when finished he he he and I also did the beach whale machine... OMG I feel like a beach whale when I am on this as you go on your tummy and lift your legs backwards (getting your gluts I think) but I hate it... getting on it is awkward and feeling like people are watching drives me insane but I know that is all in my head aye... and too bad on them.
Then we went and did some triceps and I upped my weights and OMG were they sore he he he and then did the cross trainer... so the 40 minutes was good and I was glad to be back on track with it again.
I did notice that not a lot of people I used to know is there anymore maybe they have given up.. not sure but it was sad as I quite like seeing some familiar faces. I did see two ladies there that were my size when I first started and kept thinking woohooooo you and wanted to go and tell them that but felt like it would be a bit pushy... might see them again one day and make eye contact. hmmmm
Jumped on those scales this morning and they said 121.1 kilos so since Monday I have gone from 121.6 to 121.1 so I am happy with that. I know that I shouldn't be getting on the scales that much as we weigh differently every day but right now it is keeping me on track and thinking about weight.
I am going to try my hardest to keep to this challenge.
I have been tracking but been doing it on a spreadsheet and not going to do it on here because I sometimes feel like I have to not put some things on here and so the full food isn't right and right now tracking my way is doing me so much better and I am tracking the exercise and allowing myself 2 points every day for extra if I exercise so I am trying my hardest.
I think back to what I was like 3 years ago... and how I made excuses for myself and I didn't want to do this weight loss and how it took me a year later to truly know that I had to do this for me... and that no matter what anyone said I couldn't do it because they wanted. I had to do it for me and that it had to be my decision and it wasn't going to happen until it was my decision and that is the hardest thing ever because I knew I was big and I knew I had to lose weight but I just couldn't.
When walking one day with my son in his pram and a car full of kids said 'oi you are fat lady lose some weight' I said to them 'I might be fat but you are ugly and at least I can lose the weight and be thin you will still be ugly' but it hurt... it hurt so much that I cried all the way back to the park where my husband was with my oldest son playing and I was in such a depression after that that things got worse for a month and then that was it...
I had to do this and I started off at home doing little things to get me losing weight and it was around Christmas and it was the first Christmas that I didn't over eat and I watched what I ate and did it all in moderation. I lost 5 kilos over that Xmas and I was proud of that achievement... I was reading Helena's blog and she kept me going for a month but I needed more help and decided to join Weight Watchers and realised that I wasn't the only one struggling.
Anyway... the rest of the story is history.
I just wrote this because a friend is struggling today (big hugs) and we had a conversation this morning and I know what it is like for her and I do understand but we can only help ourselves sometimes and I used every excuse under the sun but it wasn't helping me it was hindering me and we can only do it for us.... but we have to do it for us before it is too late. I just know I will be there to listen but I can't do it for her... she is the only one that can do that.
It is a struggle... losing weight and it will always be a struggle.. but it is worth it. I know it it is worth it I am doing more things with my family and friends that I would have ever imagined and I am going to be doing even more when I get the rest off... others have done it before me and I am sure that I am going to do it too.
Oh... also this is an interesting writer called my HUBBY he he he if you want to read his writing blog I am proud of him.
Tuesday, 14 August 2007
LC (Leenie Challenge)
Helena has put forward a challenge to me and OMG it has got my juices going he he he (this sounds rude but it isn't he he he)
I have a problem with goals and they have to really make me feel like OMG and I haven't found one is such a long time.
I was talking with hubby last night and usually if I make a goal for myself it is like get to 30 kilos and get my nails done (but that never happened until 6 months afterwards) or get to 20 kilos and have a new hair cut etc but IT NEVER HAPPENS and it never happens because I find something else the money has to go to or I just think I shouldn't be spending this on me when the boys need this or that. So they just don't work.... and I know that is my fault because I should allocate it and stick to it but I just don't.
The challenges that have worked for me are the ones like when Tania said to me when I first started (oops not the Tania who has a blog) that I could not lose 20 kilos in a year and not to push myself for defeat and OMG I thought no way are you going to tell me that I can't and I said that to her and in 10 months I did it!!
I lost 20 kilos but then I fizzelled after that because the challenge was over and I did it. Then I wanted to be 25 kilos by the time my brother in law came back from over seas so that he noticed the difference and so I did that and that was all in 2005. 2006 was just a year that I was all in for the exercise but the weight just didn't come off as I couldn't find a challenge I knew I could do and achieve (not thinking positive again)....
I could not seem to find a challenge that would get me going and something that was real and not like my husband saying "I bet you can't get 15 kilos off by Xmas" because that didn't work either as it wasn't geniune it was him trying to help me but I didn't take it like that....
I hope this is all making sense? I am a hard person with goals like that..
So anyway Helena's comment yesterday was:
Ok ... heres a deal, I will send you three items of designer clothing at the end of September if you get to 115kgs. Thats 6kgs in 8 weeks. You need to focus, you need to keep motivated and you need to believe in yourself. Get your sorry depressed arse off the couch and think about how fabulous you will look and feel in 7 weeks time. I believe in you, so you can believe in you too. Dont forget we have the same taste in clothes. When you are done with them, you can sell them on TradeMe and make a fortune to buy yourself some new clothes. Thats my challenge for ya. *smooch*
So she is right... My sorry depressed arse (sooo true and until she said it nicely to me like that I didn't realise how much I wanted to slap myself) I have my mum living with me that is so negative and can never see the positive that I think I just start thinking like her and I have to stop it and remember how my Dad was always positive.
I am sorry if I have been depressing lately just want to get out of this funk and doing good one week and bad the next is not what I want (not that anyone would want that he he).
So I emailed Helena and asked her if she was ok about this... I felt like this was wrong or something like that and that it has made me think wow I can do this and there is a carrot at the end of this. So I calculated the time and it is only 7 weeks but hey 6 kilos in 7 weeks will make it even more challenging.. I also told her that if I don't make it then I will buy her something pretty to go with her new body she is going to have by then.... so that way I will have to give this generous lady something if I wuss out and be a silly cow.
I have also been thinking about it some more this morning and thought that I would keep this tradition going on... that when I have finished with the clothes (he he he that I am going to get Helena he he) that I wouldn't sell them on trademe I would PASS it FORWARD and give it to someone else to get in to so that they have a challenge too...
So what do you think? So that we keep helping people that are in a funk (like me) and maybe the clothes will be an inspiration to someone else.. but anyway I have to get to 115 kilos before that will happen so the challenge is on.
So hopefully Helena you are still on for this because I sure am.
My weight yesterday was 121.6.
So by the 1 October I need to be 115.6 that is 6 kilos in 7 weeks.
OMG that is going to be soooo hard for me but I am going to do it. The most I lose in a week is 800 grams but hey it wouldn't be a challenge if it was easy aye.
So keep on me!!! I am going to do this.
Started off well today and I have been for a walk at morning tea (at work) and I am planning my meals for the day and I am planning my exercise for the week too and getting my new program done on Friday at the gym as I have booked in. This is good for me!!
THANK YOU LEENIE!!! This is a challenge that I needed!!! You are an angel.
Monday, 13 August 2007
Why have I sunk in to not updating. I know people read my blog but then when I start not blogging I also know that I am not blogging because I am not doing well in the weight loss. I hopped on the scales yesterday and it was up to 121.6 kilos and that just sucks. I am angry at myself for letting this get out of hand. The day before the party in PN and since then I have not cared... I have not wanted to track and not cared but it has to change.
I have been trying to find something to get me motivated again and something that I can aim for. If anyone has any suggestions please tell me. I am not a materialistic person in the fact that I have everything I need so I can't work out what I can work towards.
I am even having trouble trying to tell my family what I want for my birthday as I don't want or need for anything at the moment... Plus only working part time I can't afford too much anyway so there is nothing monetary I can give myself.
I so want to be under 100 but I can't find that motivation to get there. I have lost 40 kilos since the heaviest of my weight (not weight watchers weight my doctors weight) and I have gotten to the stage that I feel like I have tried everything.
I want to be positive and find something to aim for....
Easter next year I am going to Waihi for a holiday with the kids. Maybe that can be something to aim for... Getting in togs and not feeling like a blimp? Going for a surf in the water like I did a year ago and enjoying myself no matter what. Or maybe go jet skiing in the water.. (I don't know how I can get one to be able to use but that could be something...) so if anyone has any ideas please please tell me.
So I have 31 weeks to go till our Easter holiday in Waihi!!!
If I aim at 500 grams a week I can get to 106.6 kilos by 20th March 2008.
Do you think that is too much of a hard job for me to do? keeping in mind that in the past year I have only lost 7 kilos because of all the indecisions and yoyoing?
Ok... so just losing this weight to go to Waihi isn't enough for me to look forward to... hmmm need to think... need to think... any suggestions would be great. I want to lose this weight and I have to have a goal..
When I had a goal to get under the 120's for PN I did it so maybe this is what I am lacking...
So I have to lose 15 kilos... I can do this right? Or am I setting myself up for failure... or am I just thinking that I can't and so it isn't?
So I have started off well.. I am tracking and I am thinking about what I am putting in my mouth. I haven't had any coffee today either or a V... I am going to try and make sure that I don't for this week...
Tracking and no coffee.. how hard can that be?
2 Sandwich Bread
Got back on board!! I went to the gym and got a programme booked because I haven't had one in a while.
Went to the gym and I did:
Sunday, 12 August 2007
I have been a stupid bitch for the last two weeks and havent been interested AT ALL in weight loss!!! NOT at all... not wanting to read blogs, not wanting to blog... hating myself... bitchy with my family. NO EXERCISE WHAT SO EVER. and basically this is not good.
I do know I have to get myself out of it but then I don't want to either... so hard to work out what I am going to do.
I am starting off simple from tomorrow.
Stay within points. That is it!! That is the only thing I am going to concentrate on this week. I have gone over in to the 120's again and I don't want that anymore.
So I am going to track this week coming and that is it!
Thursday, 9 August 2007
It doesn't seem like I have done a lot but it was full on and I haven't had time to sit.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Got to Palmerston North about 4.30 and met up at Chris H place so we could drop off food for the party on Saturday night and then Hubby and I went to the Motel to put our things there and then went and met up with some work mates of his it was nice to meet them.
For dinner we got Indian and took it back to the Motel and OMG it was wayyy wayyy too much food and didn't realise that I cannot eat that much anymore. We got two different dishes with rice and so I only had two small bowls of food but I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach he he he so the night sleep wasn't good at all and I vowed never never never to do that again...
Saturday morning we got up and had a shower and then went in to town to see what we could get for breakfast... it was great to spend time with each other it is such a rare thing that when we get the chance it is fantastic. We went to Robert Harris and had a cooked breakfast and coffee and sat and chatted for about 2 hours and then decided it was time to check out the shops and see what we could see for the boys birthdays but we couldn't find much... so headed on back to the motel to get changed for the party..
I was soooo nervous about meeting everyone again and I think that was because they are such a wonderful bunch and I wanted maybe to measure up ya know....
Above Chris taking a photo of my hubby taking a photo he he he
Lee-anne sitting there waiting for everyone to arrive...
I reckon we were all nervous at this time he he he.
Lyn looking nervous too in her beautiful new top...
Janene and her daughter Jorja (hope I have spelt it right he he)
Felicity making a lovely platter of fresh fruit yummmy
We got on soooo well and everything went so fast and I drank way way way too much but half way decided to slow down and then start drinking again about an hour later.
Above silly photo of us all he he he
Lyn (once again he he he) had an idea for everyone to put on these silly glasses and see what we looked like OMG we didn't stop laughing at how everyone looked.
Chubbymum belowLee-Anne below
ChubbyDad belowHelena below
It wasn't long before Lynise decided she didn't want her and so she took the present that I took off her and so I started them all off... he he he he and there were a couple of swaps it was sooo funny so thanks Janene for suggesting to Chris to do it that way it was great.
I made two bottles with everyones face on it and christmas hats on their heads
Lyn came up with the idea of going through everyone and people saying whether you thought they were the same in person as they were on their blog and some interesting things came up on that... apparently I am quite intense on my blog he he he and in person I am not I am bubbly so that is quite interesting..
I always thought that what I was writing was exactly how I sound and how I talk to people. Hubby and I were discussing it on the way home on Sunday as I couldn't quite get how I was different but I suppose when you read someone it is how you are reading it and not how they are thinking it sounds or something like that.... so when I started this I was wondering how I actually wrote and was it how I come across... quite an interesting thing I thought.
It was also good to see that Janene got a couple of drinks in her and actually talked it was nice to talk to her and she just loves dancing and got everyone up dancing it was great to get some exercise in he he he instead of sitting eating and talking he he he...
Got up the next morning feeling a little ikky but I think that was the food more than the drinking and met Helena, Rachel and Felicity at Ezibuy to have a coffee and breakfast and it was great looking at clothes with people that understood how hard it is to find clothes that look great on bigger people but it was also great to go shopping and to help others when they didn't know whether the colour was right either... I am going to miss these girls and without their blogs it would be even harder.
I am soooo glad we are all friends and go on so well.
Current weight: 120.5 kgs
Total loss from WW: 34.2 kgs
Total loss from start: 39.5
Small challenge: 115 kgs
Started: 1 August 2007
Start Weight: 119.9 kgs
Current Weight: 120.5 kgs
How much to go: 5.5
I am not too unhappy about the gain because I had a great weekend and only gaining 600 grams was ok. I am glad that I didn't gain all the weight I lost the previous week but now I have to get my A in to G and get back into the teens as I have only had a week at it and I don't want to go back here in the 20's again... it is going to happen!!! It is....
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Yay yayyyy me
But on another note... I started at 160 kilos so I have actually lost 40.1 kilos from my highest weight but from the WW weight I have lost 34.8 kilos but that is ok... because deep down I know where I have come from and I know where I am headed...