Lots to talk about today

Sunday

Was in a bitch of a mood... and I think it was because I didn't like the thought of having to go back to work on Monday...hmmmm grrrrrr.

Went to the gym and worked my butt off but I get the feeling that people just don't want to see me running on the treadmill because I do a 5 minute warm up and then I get ready to do my 1 1/2 minute jog on the treadmill and YEP I got interrupted again... chat chat chatting GEESH why don't people come and talk to me when I am on the weights.... so I managed only 1 1/2 minutes because for the rest of the time I was walking and chatting... so was a little bit upset about that.

Did manage to do my weights and also got on the bloody cross trainer ekkkkkk I hate the bloody thing and the year before last I got up to almost doing 15 minutes on the damn thing but now I can only manage 5 minutes and I feel like I am dying... so I decided yesterday I would do 5 minutes but each minute would get faster so that I didn't have to be on there long but still had to do enough work.... so I think I did pretty well.

Was dissappointed in the gain of 1.6 kilos on Saturday but this morning I was down 700 grams so hey that was ok by me... I think I will do well this week. I have tracked the last week (in a book at home as I didn't get on the computer as much as I liked) and I have exercised and I am watching what I am eating.

I have a 5kg challenge to get it off by the 17th Feb (6 weeks) and I need to do this and stop fucking around. I know I can maintain so I am going to be ok when I get to my personal goal of 75 kilos but I need to shift of the 120's permanently. I am to get to 115.8 DAMN IT!!! This is getting ridiculous and it is not shifting even though I am tracking and keeping to points. I have 117's and 116's and 115's charms for my bracelet to achieve and I want them.!!!

Kris came over in the weekend as Corbin wanted to take Ashley to the Lavender gardens with us (he likes her and she likes him) anyway and Kris said "I want your husband" OMG I said "why?" she said because he plays with the kids and I haven't seen Ashley this happy in ages. Well she knows what she can do about that... talk to her husband or get out of the relationship bloody hell.. anyway so she also said she liked my bracelet and where did I get it and I said hubby brought it for me and I am not sure where... (not going to tell her I know as I don't want that woman to have the same) so at least I know that it does look good and it is a good motivator for me.

I have 4 people on the yahoo group and it is going to be great I can just feel it... we are going to support each other and we are going to lose this weight so thank you guys for joining me and also helping me out in this weight loss journey as I need to email more than just on my blog ya know.

So back to the start... was a little grumpy but had a visit from Pam and Brianna and that was nice and also had a visit from my friend Tania to show us her new dog (it is a sausage dog) and how cute was he.

Also went to the library on Sunday to get more books out and it was great to see both my boys sitting down and reading in the afternoon when we got back and chilling out in this heat (not watching bloody tv or computer) so it was a nice thing.

Didn't get any crafts done but will still keep up with it.

The next month is going to be sooo busy for me.

• I have Lyn's wedding invites
• Going away to Athenree for a week
• 2 weeks off work and 1 in Athenree and 1 week with hubby (as kids go back to school woohoo)
• Staying at my friends batch (Mansion or Bansion as we call it) for the weekend before we are on holiday. Going to go jet skiing and swimming so that is going to be fun.

ARGHHH so full on

Well better get some work done ho hum.

Love Chubbymum

10152

I am being a bitch but I don't care!!!

I am being a bitch but I don't care because it made me feel good... I know it shouldn't have but IT DID!!!

Saw Kris today and decided to ask her how her weight loss was going and she pointed her fingers up... as in she has gained 20 kilos since March from 82 kilos to 102 kilos and I said to her I was 119 kilos and hopefully this week to be 118 as I have been really good and she looked at me and said OMG I am not going to have that... then I thought stuff ya I am going to say what I was thinking.

I said "well hun you know for you to keep it off you have to change your lifestyle and losing it by not eating at all isn't going to help because as soon as you get depressed you will eat again and it will go back on.. and also I said to her OMG I have only got 17 kilos to get to you and I had 30 to get to you before he he" he he he it sounded like I was joking with her but I was deadly serious and OMG it made me feel good... and I know that isn't a nice thing to do but the crap she has caused me in the last year it was FUCKEN FANTASTIC he he he... so there you go I was being a bitch today but so what...

Does that make you think differently of me??

I think it has made me more determined to get this bloody weight off.. I have been really thinking about things this week and going all out at the gym and I have made an appointment for our evaluation in 6 weeks with Jared too so that we don't forget and then get sick of the exercises and just not go back... and it is free to get new programs. Man he has been really really hard with the workout and I am sore but I am going back for more punishment tomorrow morning and getting back in to my exercise.

I am going to catch her up guys... I am and it has made me angry enough to make sure of that... SOOO JANENE and LYN my tracking buddies make sure you remind me of her and this post when I start to dwindle ok... because I wanna do this.

Spent most of the day doing the altered clock for Corbin's teacher (so I will take a photo when it is all done to show you guys)... and going to Quinn's cultural night tonight where they will be singing and dancing for us so that is going to be cool.

Anyway that was basically my day...

Chubbymum

9471

Feeling great today

Ok...

So I wore one of the beautiful tops that Rachel gave me today....

Here it is

I felt really dressed up for work today he he he.. I mean I usually wear my three quarter jeans and a nice shirt as we just don't get dressed up for work. I didn't go for my morning walk either because it would have been too hot he he he... but that is ok I felt like a lady for the day.

Went to take the boys to school and there is an autistic boy (the couple that got married on radio son's Max) and he looked at me and said WOW very pretty... I was taken aback. His mum said when he likes something someone is wearing he will not hesitate to tell them... it was the best compliment coming from Max because he doesn't say much usually... so I was walking with my head high today.

I have weeded out a lot of my permissions yesterday on this blog.... for some reason it has been bugging me that a lot of people were reading but not commenting and it was mainly people that I haven't had a comment from yet or only once and I was getting like 100 hits a day but no comments and it made me weary that maybe it could be someone reading I don't want to read.

I am paranoid after what Kris did to me last year and I don't write what I want to anymore like I used to because I don't know the people... but now I have people that I know or have met or I am reading their blogs now and it makes me feel comfortable again.

Talking about Kris... did I tell you that she is back at the gym again... she came up to me (in the middle of me running on the treadmill... what is up with people.... when I am running I CANNOT talk at the same time leave me alone until I am on weights GEESH) anyway apparently she has gained 20 kilos since the start of the year and also that they are thinking about moving to Dubai in March 2008 OMG... but that will be good.. I will be glad that she will be somewhere else. Not sure how long it will last but I don't feel comfortable around her anymore and the further away the better.

My oldest Corbin won't be happy when he hears though because Ashley (Kris Daughter) is in his class and they sort of like each other and he said that they told each other that they had a crush on each other the other week OMG..... I won't be telling him just yet that they MIGHT be moving as I will believe it when I see it because she says so many things that never come true.

Apparently there is more money to be made over there and there well may be more money to be made but how much money can ya spend before you are in debt again and have nothing to show for it.. not even a house huh... makes ya wonder.. well it certainly makes me wonder how her husband makes WAY more than mine and hubby's put together and they never have any money (they don't have a mortgage and their rent is less than our mortgage)... but anyway..... not saying that you should have a house or anything but there is no stablity... they have so many credit cards and he works like a dog and nothing to show for all the hard work... seems a waste... but I suppose each to its own aye.

Went to The Warehouse last week quickly to get some stuff for a present I am making my mother in law and I saw Kris (but pretended not to) only because I needed to get the stuff and back out as fast as I could as I had to go and do some stuff with mum...

But anyway I walked a really long way around and in and out of eisles so that I would get away from her and she managed to find me OMG... and made it out that she was looking at the same eisle... now unless you were following me you couldn't have gotten to the same place as me at the same time... so I just kept looking at the shelves and could see her in my side vision and turned and walked to another part of The Warehouse and in 10 seconds (I SWEAR) she was right there... bloody hell..... I didn't wanna get into one of her talks about Daniel... so went to the checkout and still pretended not to see her.. it was quite funny but spooky at the same time....

Normally I would have just said Hi but was feeling like I was being stalked and it didn't feel good at all so I wasn't going to accept that at all.

Anyway that was off my chest... been wanting to tell it in my blog but.... felt like it was being a bitch but ya know what... it is my blog he he he and I have to start getting things off my chest and so that is that.

Weight loss last week sucked even though I was good.. got the dreaded TOM grrrrrr but hopefully this week will be good. If not hey that is life...

Been sooo busy with the boys and Scouts (Keas), Milo cricket, sleepovers in the last couple of weeks and with Christmas and also it was my mums birthday yesterday and I have been doing a brag book for her... so as usual my life was full on.

Thanks for the text yesterday ChrisH....(mwah)

Might update later... going to the gym after work today.. not sure if I am in the mood for it as it is hot but hey gotta do what I gotta do he he

Love Chubbymum

Letting it all out in this post he he

You know I did a lot yesterday but for the life of me it is a blur he he he.

Walked the boys to school and stayed and did the spelling for Quinn's class... got it done faster this time it was much better... Can't wait till the end of the year when I don't have to do it anymore.... I know it sounds bad but I don't mind helping out now and then but not happy that I have to do it every week... especially for Quinn's teacher who I don't really like that much she has no personality at all and then when she does seem really fun and nice she seems false... it bugs me to the max and I am not the only parent that has thought this... I was talking to one of the mums who I get along with and another mum came over and said "sorry about listening in but OMG I feel the same way about the teacher and thought it was just me" so that was nice to know that I wasn't just being a snobby bitch or something like that.

Walked home and then had to take mum to go and get her haircut (all the way across town... I swear she chooses her bingo and hair and everything else all the way over there so she gets a drive he he he)... while she was in getting her hair cut I managed to read my book OMG all you parents out there know how hard it is to catch some time reading a book or doing something in peace it was bliss... had a couple of stares from people thinking you are sitting there reading a book while there are shops out here... phewwwyyy I thought to myself he he he.

We went to The Base afterwards to Briscoes as they were having a 1 day sale at 40 and 50% off things and Mum still had a couple of Xmas presents to get. I got a dressing gown for hubby nice and blue and sooooo snuggly as his has a huge split in it and he said he needs one (so I will give it to him for Xmas with the Debit card we both agreed on getting each other).

I also found a bargain with a duvet at 50% off too... it was nice and in the colours of the inside of the caravan (we needed a duvet that we could leave in the caravan so we didn't keep taking our KING size duvet for a double bed with us he he he couldnt move with it as it was too big and heavy) and then I found some cushions that had the exactly the same colours as the duvet and they had very thin stalks and leaves so it was in the brown, and green (but pale colours) I will have to take a photo of it.. I quite like it. I am not saying that if I had more money that I wouldn't have gotten something nicer but I got 4 cushions and a duvet for $60 so I was sooo happy with that especially with the fact that cushions like these usually cost about $25 each and I got them for $8 each... I was impressed with that.

I left mum there shopping while I came home and caught up on some stuff around the house and then went down to meet the boys at school.. we then picked mum up and came home.

Quinn and Corbin were soooo excited about Keas tonight as they were supposed to be getting invested so we left early so we would be there and when we got there the leader said that they couldn't get the scarfs made in time for the ceremony so it will have to be made this week and we can do it next week.... the boys were dissapointed and I was a little too as I took my camera and all to take the proud moment.

Blonde was there as her son was supposed to be getting invested too. They put up a tent in the hall last night and they had soo much fun as it was like a little camp and read stories in the tent etc... it was quite a big tent. I must say that Blonde has gained a lot... when she left my mum said that she is almost my size.. Now if you guys don't remember the start of me blogging we both went to Weight Watchers together and she was like 78 kilos wanting to get down to 65 and now I do think that she is around 100 kilos and not up to my size but getting there.. I think maybe she is happier now and contented and that is why she is gaining... she seems happier anyway... but her son is still a right pain in the arse that is for sure....

Oh that reminds me.. I saw Kris at the gym. Well she came and interrupted me while I was talking business with the gym owner about the wine bottle labels I am doing for him. She said that they are moving to Dubai in March OMG... that is a long way away... hope it makes her happy.. my oldest will be a little upset as he has a major crush on her daughter Ashley and he told me that Ashley feels the same way.. so we shall see what happens. I didn't tell him that she was moving away. I suppose I sort of think it is another whim of hers that will change as soon as she changes her undies.

So we went and got on the treadmill (I swear that the treadmill has a sign on it saying CM would like everyone to come and talk to her while she is trying to do some running GEESH) so I was doing my 1 minute on 1 minute off and in the middle of the running bit she came over so I had to stop running and start walking as I cannot talk while running... grrrr was soooo wanting to just keep going. Anyway... back to the subject... Kris said that she has gained 20 kilos and is back up to triple figures.. OMG that happened in only 6 months. I must say I don't like her at 100 kilos and I certainly thought she was too skinny at 80 kilos but the 90 kilos with how tall she is really suited her I hope she does go back to losing and doesn't gain it all back.

Jeremy seemed to think that she has gained it all back because she didn't do it slowly enough and that she didn't change the habits so that she wouldn't go back to being big. He said that he knows I am not losing as fast as I want but that he doesn't think that I will gain it all back because I am doing the leg work to change habits. I must admit that I agree... I get angry that I am not losing as fast as others but for me it wouldn't be good because I have done that before and I need to change my habits for it to stay off long term. Don't get me wrong others do it fast and keep it off just as well... but FOR ME it isn't good.... so it made me feel differently about it.

I am a little apprehensive about getting on the scales tomorrow morning. I have been good apart from a little slip up in my lunch yesterday but I think I will have a nice loss... more than my 500 grams but not a hell of a lot more.. so we shall see... I think I am back on track... and hey if in another 6 weeks I do the off the track thing... I certainly know that I will get back on track again... it is just what I seem to do.

My two email buddies... thanks for the last week you don't know how much it means to me!! MWAHHHH.

Anyway better get moving and go to watch Corbin at his swimming today...

Bloody terrible weather today.. sort of day I should be up in bed all snuggly reading my book.

So..... has anyone checked out my scrapbooking page???? I am doing a lot lately and sooo happy with them. Did another one last night.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

8742

Uh Oh.... she's back

I have spent tonight doing a header for Chris as I had an idea this afternoon and soooo wanted to do it so she now has a new header...

I am really sore at the moment.

Went to the gym tonight and worked my butt off and ran on the treadmill more than I usually do... then Kris came in BUGGER SHIT FUCK she is back at the gym. She went to another gym (but obviously she didn't get the attention she does at this gym) and now she is back.. she came up to talk but secretly I was PISSED like you wouldn't believe because I don't want to see her there everytime I am there..

But to be honest (he he he like my post last night) I worked harder because she was there because I wanted her to see that she didn't stop me doing what I was doing, and that I am doing REALLY well without her, and even though she fucked up my trainer and my Lean group for me I am still doing it... I am still losing and she didn't win....

I am happier without her in my life... but in saying that I am not going to go out of my way like I did at the end of last year to avoid her either. I am going to keep to my routine at the gym and keep to doing the things I like and if she is there I am going to do more and more but she isn't going to know that it affects me.

Jeremy was saying tonight that she has gained a hell of a lot of weight. She said to me a couple of weeks ago that she had gained 15 kilos back so that would make her back to 100 kilos (I assume) so I am not sure if that made me feel better or not...... it made me realise that I don't want to gain mine back and I want to change my lifestyle and not just lose it all and gain it back because I hadn't worked out what I had done to make me fat in the first place (OMG I am not getting at anyone that has lost and gained and lost.... just rambling ok... see here I am watching what I am saying stop it CM)

I think the thing I want to be weary of is that I am not going to stop trying when I get down to goal... that to maintain is just as good as to lose because when you get to your goal I have heard that it is the hardest thing to stay there.... so that is going to be a huge challenge for me.

I do want to achieve this but I am still sure that I don't want to lose it too fast...

I think the reason it has taken me so long to stop yoyoing from the 121 to 120's is that I was afraid to be in the teens... because then it means.... well I don't know what it means maybe it means that I have to work hard to keep going.... or maybe it means that I am comfortable at this weight because I am not noticed... When I was a teenager I was NEVER short of a boyfriends (not trying to show a big head) just that I didn't like the attention that much...

I do like being told that they have noticed that I have lost weight but then it makes me aware that if I gain it that people are also going to notice and judge..

Ok I am rambling now.

OHHHHH and I got a payrise today.. not a lot but it was a payrise woohoooo

Chubbymum

Bloated

So with the gain this week I am determined to do well this week coming. Feeling like the photo above... lots and lots of rolls he he he.

I am feeling really bloated and have had heartburn since the weekend. Feeling like a blob and terrible so I have to sort out myself this week it isn't good... I am not feeling good about it at all and unhappy and as you can tell less blogging as well.

Today was full on with doing the spelling in Quinn's class and taking my mum out to pay her bills and do some shopping as she hasn't been out of the house in a week (oh dear).

Kris sent a text today to ask if I wanted to go for lunch and to be honest I didn't feel like sitting there listening to her life. I know that sounds terrible but since not having her around I have not felt like my weight loss was going wrong. I have been happy with my weight loss even though it hasn't been a huge huge loss I have been consistant and happy and not down on myself in the last couple of weeks.

Anyway so since I go to avo tea with some friends I decided that I wouldn't go to lunch with her but she could come to avo tea with us. I didn't tell her that we do it every week though because I don't want her to come every week.

Then picked up the boys and organised for them to have friends over tomorrow arghhhh 4 kids under 8 arghhhhh tomorrow.. what to do, what to do he he.

It doesn't seem like I have done a lot but it was full on and I haven't had time to sit.

Tomorrow morning I am back to the gym because I have been slacking on the Friday gym for a while and I sooooo want to get back in to it as I am slacking with my exercise this year. With all the crap last year I can't seem to get back in to it and don't wanna... I miss my group! I miss people that I feel comfortable with and people that I can do exercise with and not feel like they are judging me. None of them are going anymore after all that happened which is really sad but hey...

I really enjoyed this weekend so much that it has made me quite sad this week because I haven't got those great ladies close... 5 hours away, 8 hours away 2 hours away and no-one around here... no one that understands, no one to go to the gym with or for walks with and it is depressing for me. I know I have the blogs and I have emails I do realise that... but I don't have people that understand what it is like. The friends I have don't have weight problems like I do and don't realise how hard it is to loose 88 kilos... finding it really hard.

Wednesday

Well my weigh in for this week is 600 grams loss.

I went from 121.6 kilos to 121 kilos and I am soooo happy with that. I know that I can't lose a kilo each week and if I can make 500 grams or a little bit more then I am happy.

So I haven't lost enough to make up for the 5 kilos for the 10 weeks but I am on my way and I am thinking more about food and my portions now and I am back in to my exercise routine and feeling so much better for it.

I am reading Helena's bible at the moment and finding it really informative and found out that I am a protein type... so in the last couple of days hubby and I have been trying different things from the bible and one is to have a little bit of protein 1 or 2 hours before bed time as apparently it helps with sleeping and I slept soooo much better last night for it.

Went to kickboxing on Monday night with Debbie and Kris was sitting in the seat at reception looking all slumber and unhappy. I think she had a meeting with the physio and so Debbie was already standing outside the Kickbox class and so I decided to introduce each other... Kris said hello and then proceeded to look at the floor and not get in on a conversation so hey I tried to hold a sival conversation but she didn't want it and it suited me fine because then I just thought hey how great is that I am happy and not worrying about what she thinks anymore. Debbie and I had a good work out on Monday night kickboxing as Liz tried new moves in the class and I was sweating like a pig.

I got a compliment this morning at school when I was dropping of the kids. A parent came up to me and said "You look fantastic have you lost more weight" I said a little but it is coming off slowly " and then she said I really love your hair colour' I said to her "OMG you are the only one that has noticed my hair colour and I did it over a week ago" she said "then they must be jealous" he he he that made me laugh. She is such an elegant lady this lady talking to me and I love how trendy she is when she dresses so it was a lovely comment that came from her.

So I am ready for another week on this journey.... I find that when I am concentrating on Papaya business my weight loss suffers and when I am concentrating on my weight loss then my business suffers.. OMG I can't win really. I know deep down that my weight loss is more important but I have spent a lot of money on my business for me not to keep it going. I have this Wedding Expo to do in July and to be honest I haven't made up enough invites to get me going and I can't think of anything at the moment that will catch their eyes and says WOW I love those invitations.

Janene asked if we won Lotto $7.5 million what would we do with it. So tell me what you think? And like Janene I challenge you to think what you would spend your money on.

1. Wake up first he he he
2. 1 Million between hubby's family
3. 1 Million to my mum
4. $500,000 to Quinn (bank account)
5. $500,000 to Corbin (bank account)
6. 1 Million to be spent on a new house for us to live in and be happy with
7. 1 Million in the bank account for Savings and to keep us going for a while.
8. $500,000 to be spent on a business that basically runs itself but I can be in (probably a craft business)
9. $500,000 for a batch in New Zealand somewhere (not a flash one... something that we can do up and spend weekends in etc)
10. $100,000 Go on a holiday to Tuscany, Venice (basically Italy he he) and Europe and enjoy about 6 months of travelling with the kids and have a private tutor with us too so they can keep up with their school work, but for us to enjoy life for 6 months.
11. Go to school and learn anything I want to learn just for me and not worry how we are going to pay bills or live. Am thinking about going to learn more about Nutrition and also about psychology of losing weight so that I can start up a business to help people like me that have to sort out their minds to lose the weight because if you haven't got the right headspace then it just doesn't happen.
12. Rent out our house that we live in at the moment... or maybe sell our house we have at the moment and buy two rentals to be rented.
13. Hire a personal trainer so that I don't have to worry about only going once a week I could go five times a week if I want.
14. Also hire a Nutritionist to be on hand full time to teach me and hubby and the kids about nutrition and how we can change our eating but it still be yummy... (basically like a cook too he he he).
15. Visit all the bloggers to see how they are going and maybe have a NZ blogging night and a Australian Blogging night to catch up and have a party he he he.

Anyway will update later as I have heaps of work to do he he he

Love Chubbymum

Last day of School holidays

Woooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooo

Last day of school holidays today. I do LOVE my children so much but I also like having my days off so that I can achieve things I need to achieve and I also hate with a passion stopping them fight grrrr.

Got up this morning and didn't want to get out of bed but I knew I had to go to my PT with Joy this morning at her place (as she no longer works at the gym anymore).

So I got up and had an English Muffin and then decided I had time to spare so I would walk to her house for my PT session. It took me 15 minutes to walk there and it was SUCH a beautiful morning it was nice to get out and just think about things without being interrupted.

I got there and she said OH I am glad you are ready because we are going for a walk ARGGHHHHHH I like walking but her speed is like running he he he. I said to her I would be walking but I also want to be careful of my back if I am too tense when walking then there go my muscles and I pull my back out again so she sort of slowed it down.

So we went for a half an hour walk (so that adds to 45 minutes with the walk there) and then went back to her gym at her place and we did punch bag punching with gloves and then we concentrated on my upper body with pressups and then on the bench with weights doing chest pull things in three different ways... OMG sore chest sore upper arms and when she tried to up my weights it hurt my back so she put them down.

It was GREAT!!!! I enjoyed it more than going to the gym and doing it with her!! It was one on one and there were no interruptions (which was usually Kris) and there weren't any people there asking her questions while it was on my time.

She doesn't have any cardio machines but I didn't care!! I said to her I felt happier because it seemed like we got more done and I felt more relaxed because I wasn't worried if my shirt was right or if I was looking like a dork.

Now I didn't think I ever thought I did but after going to her place for the PT now I realise that I am self conscious about whether my top is down hiding my tummy or not... Wow... isn't it funny how your self conscious works.

I walked home and when I got home I got a phone call from Tania saying that we have to come up with a blurb for our two business for the pamplets about the Wedding Expo... so I am going to talk to hubby tonight to see what we can come up with for my part.

Tania also said "what are you doing in June" OMG I said "as long as it doesn't cost me money!!" he he he and she said "well sort of" grrrrr she wants me to train with her to do the TeAwamutu 8km walk. I said I would do it but with my back I am not over doing it because my physio said 3 to six months and I have only been ok in the last week and that is just ok... so I have another target to head for.

So I said to her are you working this afternoon and she said no and I said lets go to the lake and walk around it (it is 4km) and she said "but I have the kids" and I said "I have the kids too" she said they wouldn't walk around it (now her kids are older than mine by about a year). I said the reason your kids wouldn't do it is because you keep saying that they wouldn't... if you didn't be so negative they would.

Quinn and Corbin have been going around the lake walking for 2 years now and they started when they were almost 4 and almost 6 so she cannot tell me a 7 and two 9 year olds cannot walk around it... that was just an excuse.. and I told her that. So she said yes...

YES YOU GUESSED IT she called back in an hour and said she couldn't make it as she couldn't squeeze in the time OMG first practice run and chickens out GEE WHIZ. I just left it at that because if she doesn't want to try I cannot push her.

She lost 35 kilos before going down to Hokitika and she has gained it all back since coming back.. she said she has only gained a little but OMG even hubby said she is fooling herself because she is looking bigger than when we met her. This is the lady we went to the Easter camping with... I DO LOVE her dearly but I just want her to stop using excuses but I cannot do anything about that and I have to support her.

I am glad in a way that we are doing this walk because at least she is thinking about it and she wants to do it... so we are getting somewhere I suppose.

Wow... I think I was getting a bit angry this year because I hadn't done that many challenges and now I have a mixture of business and exercise challenges.

I now have the Wedding Expo and the Te Awamutu 8km walk. That is a great start don't ya reckon.

Tonight is my business meeting with Hubby he he he we need to set some goals and tasks so I don't feel overwelmed because at the moment I don't know where to start.

I have been a little bit laxed on my food this week and I am quite angry with myself. I have three days of being good so that I can get some more weight off this week and I HAVE TO STAY FOCUSSED, I HAVE TO!!

The boys start their soccer practice next week and then the soccer games next Saturday OMG it has started again boohooooo.... I am not managing the teams this year because it is too much with two teams and trying to go to their games are going to be interesting enough he he.

Food Today:

Breakfast: 1 English Muffin, Chicken Bacon
Lunch: Corned beef sandwich, V
Dinner: Chicken, Macaroni, Beans, Tomato
Water: 2 litres
Exercise: 1 hour PT with Joy and 30 minute walking

Papaya ARGGHHHHHHHHHH

First day of 10 week challenge....
I haven't done too bad and I am feeling good about it and I am soooo greatfull that Celtic girl and I are doing it together and do you want to know the MOST WEIRDEST THING EVER... we both weighed in for the challenge and we both have a start weight of 121.6 he he he DO YOU NOT FIND THAT THE WEIRDEST THING EVERRRRRR??? Woohooo Celtic girl we are going to do it!!!

I must say that I had a tear in my eye reading Celtic Girls blog here today re the awards and what she wrote about me... I never knew I was one of the first blogs she ever read and OMG how she described me Nahhhh he he he I can't be that person.. I don't see myself as that person he he he... WOW (tear coming down my cheek)

Welcome Abba and I am sooo glad you are doing the 10 week challenge with Celtic girl and I... maybe us three should get our heads together on how we can keep each other motivated aye!!
............................................................................................
Yesterday...

Work was ok yesterday... it seemed more relaxed or something and I had plenty of time left to do little bits and pieces.

Went to the garden centre in the afternoon after work to see if they had any swamp plants because my mother in law gave us 2 caterpillars and a little branch of swamp plant but they had eaten it all and she didn't have more.... but they didn't have any and the boys had pocket money of $2 and they wanted to spend spend spend so I suppose it was better than spending it on lollies and they both brought a punnet of flowers each he he he cute aye.

After we saw Tania driving down the road so I texted her to see if she had an swamp plant and OMG she did so she gave me the whole tree as her caterpillars were getting eaten by praying mantis grrr so I took the plant and put our two caterpillars on it and now they are living happily ever after he he he can't wait till they go into a chrysllis.

Tania phoned me at work and said "are you doing anything on the 22nd July?" I said "ummmm No I don't think so" and she said "good I hope you have $250 as well" OMG I took a breath and said "What the hell for?".

She said "I have booked you and me in for the Wedding expo and we are going to share a stall" OMG OMG OMG that is when I freaked and said "I don't know if I can do that" she said "well too bad!!!"

I think I am too scared to do it!
I know I can do the invites just that it is like being judged and what if no one books me or wants to visit me?
Also how do I do a stall with my invites (or half a stall?)
How do I present my stuff and how do I present the stall???
OMG only 13 weeks until I have to have prices and sets of Wedding stuff.

So I called my friend that has just finished her studies in accounting and she came over last night and we went through all the stuff about GST and if it was worth registering for GST etc but really in the long run until I earn $40,000 or over it isn't worth it just yet. But she has shown me ways to claim for things and to do my tax returns.

So I went this morning and got a business bank account and a business manager that will help me with anything I need.

I got a record book for my mileage and a Calendar for my wall.

I felt empowered and sooooo happy that finally I think this is going to BE THE RIGHT thing for me and this is the business I am going to succeed in and if it takes years I don't care because it is something creative and I am happy doing it.

So I have worked out a 13 week plan to get things done for the Wedding Expo woohooooo, and I have to keep to it so I can get this right. I am a Virgo can anyone tell he he he?

I weighed myself again this morning (ok I am not addicted just wanting to keep myself on track) and I weighed at home at 121.1 kilos (equivelant to WW 120.3 kilos) woohooooo. Now I have to just keep going down in the right direction because I don't want to go back to feeling bad about myself.

Took the boys to a 2 hour holiday program at the gym this morning so that I could go and get all my stuff done like business bank account and stuff and they just enjoy it and it doesn't cost me anything because hubby and I are members so 2 hours a week in the holiday's is fanbloodytastic.

Last night when my friend Denise came over to talk about GST we asked her for dinner and the boys were on their best behaviour and then didn't have to be asked and they got their showers (remembering that they are 5 and 7 years old) and they cleaned their teeth and cleared the table and set the table and went to bed and read their books before lights out and they didn't disturb us by getting out of the bed OMG I was soooo proud of them (and was wondering where my boys were he he he)

So this morning hubby and I said to the boys that we were really happy with how wonderful they were last night and how they made us proud and I treated them today. Ice Age 2 was on sale for $19 so I went and brought that and brought a cake mix so that they could cook a cake and have for afternoon tea and watch the DVD... (which is what they are doing now while I update my blog he he he).

Kris phoned me while I was on my computer yesterday and OMG she talked for 45 minutes on the phone and I just said ah yes ah and by the end of it OMG what was I thinking why didn't I just say piss off? Whooppeee she has gotten her life together and worked out this and that... well if she would have listened to her friends a year ago then there wouldn't be a problem.... yep yep yep finally over her... yep yep yep sad sad sad person.

Love ya
Chubbymum
.................................................................................................

Today's Food:

Breakfast: English Muffin, Chicken Bacon, Egg
Lunch: English Muffin, Chicken Bacon
(hmmmm just wanted another one for lunch sue me he he)
Dinner: Corned beef, Potatoe, Carrot, Cauliflour, String Beans
Snack: 5 Marshmellows
Exercise: Walked 40 minutes with boys around the block

..................................................................................................

Yesterday's Food:

Breakfast: 2 Sandwich Bread, Chicken
Lunch: Vogel Bread, Chicken, Pickle, Lettuce
Dinner: Chicken Tikka (homemade), Rice, Beans
Snack: Chocolate Brownie, V (went out for morning tea and this is my one treat this week).
I am going to let myself have one treat a week as I need to have a treat.
Exercise: Walked 40 minutes with boys around the block

Physio appointment today

I don't know if I had told anyone about pulling my back on Sunday... well I was in sooo much pain yesterday and today that I made an appointment with the physio this morning because the pain was going down my lower back to my back of my thigh and a major pain in my calf muscle and I couldn't take the pain anymore and I told Joy I wouldn't be at my PT this morning (and if you all know me I wouldn't give up my PT for nothing NOTHING at all). She told me that I needed to get to a physio and stop worrying about money and just got.... Bloody expensieve people if it isn't covered by ACC. The physio said it was covered by ACC Wohooo bloody woohoooo. I am not really that stingggyy really I am not. I just want to be better by next week when we go camping.

I phoned up and made an appointment and got one at 10.40 and before that I went to visit Tania at her shop and we sat and talked and it was nice... I got a bit upset because I can't sit without being in pain and also driving is painful. It was nice to catch up with Tania and have a good chat. She gave me a hug and said she was sorry for giving me hell about K. I said to her I understand why she goes at me about K and I understand that I need to keep away from her but I am not a fool... I have stopped replying to her texts and I say hello at school this week and I am happy with that.

I would never be upset with Tania... she can be a bit straight forward sometimes but I know it is with good intentions. I said to her if I was truly pissed off with her I promise I would tell her to F**K off he he and she laughed.

So anyway I have exercises to do to stretch my muscles and have to go back to him on Wednesday night... OMG I hope I can last till then and I hope the stretches help too. He said to take some pain killers to help things... I said I can take panadol but not Voltaren because of my ulcer grrrr... I hope that panadol works.

My mum is at bingo today and I must say it is nice having the house to myself and doing things for me. I was going to go and have a bath but was too scared I wouldn't have been able to get back out he he.

I am still being really good with my food but with not being able to do exercise I am not sure if I am going to make it to my 35 kilos before Easter. I will be so so so pissed off that is for sure.

I am glad to be back on blogger. I did like Vox but I am more at home on Blogger and I can put my stuff down the sides. I have to update with peoples blogs on the side bar but will get to that. If you read and want your blog on the side please tell me.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

Weekend going's on

Feb 4, 2007 at 12:25 PM

Saturday and Sunday

Got up all energised this morning (Sunday).... I have been reading two books at the moment:
Awaken the Giant within by Anthony Robbins
and
Live the life you love and stop just getting by.. by Barbara Sher

What great authors they are. Barbara Sher made me realise with a couple of activities she made me do that I get all fired up with Revenge (there are other catagories like Shaming, scolding, lecturing, competition, fear, affirmations, pain driven, spirituality, guilt, praying, dares, positive thinking, getting lots of praise, help from buddies)... now I know that Revenge doesn't sound good but I get more focused on the job at hand if I want to tell or show someone that they are wrong and I just want to say nah nah nah nah nah see I can do it you silly person and I want to piss you off.

I did it in 2005 when I first started trying to lose weight and my friend Tania told me that I couldn't lose 20 kilos in a year and I went out to prove her wrong and I did it in 10 months. Revenge in the sense that I wanted to prove her wrong and to show her I could do just as well as she had.

Excerpt from Barbara's Book: "A cousin of competition, and a funny one at that, is "Revenge" A friend of mine described it this way "All I have to do to succeed at something is imagine how happy my enemies would be if I failed. That makes me nuts, I can't stand it! And then I think of how they'd hate it if I succeeded and I just smile inside and get going!"

Well I am out to prove to Kris that just because our friendship has ended.. that I am not going to let her get the better of me that my life still goes on and even though she tried to sabotage my trainer I wasn't going to let her sabotage my life anymore. I was going to do this despite her!!

I made sure that I went to the gym today and get on with my training FOR ME. I am not going to stop going on Sunday's because of her anymore, and she was there today. I am not going to go to Lean for a little while longer as I still have that anger and I don't want it to effect other people in my Lean group as that isn't fair, but I am going back to Lean and I will be fired up.

So I went today (Sunday) with hubby and OMG it fired me up that she was there (I wasn't sure if she was going to be there or not) but I went on the rower and did 1500 metres in 8 minutes OMG OMG OMG it used to take me 11 minutes to do that so I was on fire. I ran on the treadmill too (as Kris has never seen me do that either). I know that it sounds bitchy but I think I have found the key to getting to motivating me to stop just aiming at what I have always done and to up the anty a little.

In Today's routine

1. 1500 mtrs on Rower
2. Water bike for the arms (10 minutes)
3. Treadmill and walked/ran for 10 minutes
4. Weights for those bingo wings of mine
5. Kickboxing with hubby with arms and legs
6. Crunches 20 x 3
7. Side Crunches 20 x 3

Was really happy with the achievement at the gym today I up'd my anti and it made me feel good that I got up and didn't just stay in bed and veg.

We went outside after lunch today to get all the dead leaves etc out of our garden until it started raining.. Can you believe it is Summer as sometimes I feel like we are in spring etc with the changes in weather like this.

We made corn frittas for lunch and they were so so so yummy. It was nice for a change as sometimes lunches can get so boring when you have the same thing all the time.

The boys are watching Scooby Doo at the moment because the weather is so bad outside.. they did go on their bikes for most of the morning but now they are just veging.... which is fine by me as long as they aren't inside all day... it is a pet peeve of mine.

Anyway going to go back to reading my books woohooo.
Love ya all
Chubbymum

P.S I am feeling a little upset about tomorrow being my first day with the new bosses.... scares me a little really. I don't want things to change but fear that it is going to happen and I have no choice. My tummy has got bloody birds (not butterflies) moving around in there ho hum.


Comments

fortysumthing wrote:
Feb 4, 2007 at 3:10 PM
Well done. And I say whatever gets you motivated. Enjoy the rest of the day.
PS: The secret is out.

Chris H wrote:
Feb 4, 2007 at 4:37 PM
Ya for upping the anti, that is exactly what I did last week and it works, so good for you. I hope you have a fantastic week, I'm going to!

M wrote:
Feb 5, 2007 at 1:04 AM
Unleash The Power Within is also such a powerful book. And by the sounds of things you are starting to look inwards and doing things FOR you instead of AGAINST someone else. It's a good thing :)
Have a great week and keep up that excellent training.

Lee wrote:
Feb 5, 2007 at 11:07 AM
Those books sound great!!!!
Good luck with work...you will do fine

Ups and downs

Mar 26, 2007 at 12:53 PM

My week has has so many ups and downs...

So be aware that this might end up a long post. I haven't posted since last Monday... OMG didn't realise it has been that long.

I must admit I didn't want to post and now there has been so much happening it is like a nightmare trying to get it all down. I have to write it for myself because if not I won't know what happened in a year etc.

Tuesday
Weigh in day... I so so so didn't want to go in because I knew that I hadn't been good!! And it was all my problem and my fault that is for sure.

So I went there and I weighed and I gained 1.3 OMG I have NEVER NEVER gained that much since I started. The most I have gained is about 400 grams and I am usually happy with that.
I wasn't totally upset because I knew why I had gained and it was my fault but I felt so so bad because I have been yoyoing again.. and I HATE THAT!!!! I want to get this weight off.

OMG when am I going to get it in to my thick head that I have to do this.

I am now 122.5 kilos and have lost 32.2 kilos OMG what an idiot I am.

Wednesday
Went to work feeling ok and thinking well this is my start to a new week and got to 10.30 then had a phone call from my mum all upset and crying and I couldn't understand a word of what she was saying but then after calming her down I found out that my uncle had died in his sleep. So I rang my boss in Auckland and she said "you go, family comes first and I will put it down as bereavement leave" and she also did the remainder of my work for me... OMG I do like my new boss she has been so understanding and easy to talk to.

So that afternoon was basically talking to my mum and to other family members sorting things out.


Thursday
Today was an ok day... not too sure how I was feeling. I had a text message from a friend that lives in Melbourne asking if I wanted some compnany? I said yes when would she be coming to New Zealand.. she said I am here now OMG GEESH couldn't she have given me more warning he he he. So anyway she came over and we walked to school to get the kids in the afternoon. It was great to catch up. I was her bridesmaid about 2 years ago and she is now pregnant and due in June... she looks fantastic. We are going out for dinner with her and her hubby on tomorrow night too (Tuesday as I am writing this on Monday he he)


Friday
Friday consisted of going to the gym and working out with Joy and listening to all the crap happening at the gym and thinking OMG I should just get out of here because it is like Days of our Lives.. and I just want to go and have a great work out and now I have dramas galore at the gym with having Kris there at the same time and then what is happening to the trainers... to tell you the truth I have had enough!!

The funeral was today and as you can imagine my mum was not very good today so the day was spent trying to keep her mind in a better place.


Saturday
Got up early on Saturday as I was nervous about meeting ChrisH... I am always nervous about meeting people.. always wondering what they would think of me and that I probably look bigger in person than I do online. It was a great morning tea... we talked and talked and it didn't feel strained at all. She is such a great person to meet and she makes you feel like you have known her for years. She got to meet my boys as well... but they didn't stay they went shopping and to the library.

So this is when things on Saturday turned to SHIT.... at 5pm got a phone call from Kris!!! OOOPs forgot to say I got a text from her at 7.30am Saturday morning telling me she was in respite care as she tried to kill herself last night (her youngest's birthday too). I didn't know what to say. I was feeling quite angry at her because how could she do this on her son's birthday.. he is only 3 and he should have had a great day with kids his own age and having a major party going on... not having this drama happening in his house.

She tried to cut her wrists. I used to feel sorry for the woman but now I just feel she is a selfish bitch... she said she needed someone to talk to and would I come up to respite.... but because I am a fool I said Ok... but I was not emotional on the phone I was really short with her.

All the way in the car I kept saying to myself.. ok she is in this place because of depression but I can't let her get away with this and I have to say exactly what I was thinking because I am not helping her or myself if I get in to this crap.

So I got there and said
"Ok so what the hell is going on"
she looked at me and said
"I tried killing myself again and I deserve not to be here'
I said to her "If you truly wanted to kill yourself Kris you would have so really you don't want to and you just want the attention again and to be quite honest I am not putting up with it and I made a promise to myself that I am not putting up with the attention seeking again... this is the last time I will come and see you like this"
She looked at me and said "I did a stupid thing.."
"YOU THINK!!!"
She said "I slept with Daniel"
YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER
I said "Your trainer Daniel?" she said yes..
I said "you better not be lieing again Kris because you caused crap for me and if you are doing this to hurt Daniel then you are low"
She said "NO I am not lieing"
I am not too sure if I believe her because this man is a hunk!!! and well... hmmmm Kris is average.

So we had a talk and I couldn't believe how bossy I was and telling her what I thought and she took it all in and she has made some changes. For one not having Daniel as a trainer... and trying to sort things out with hubby as she told him and said that she would go to counselling and was not going to pull attention seeking things ever again.

I don't know how long that will last but OMG all this crap over going to bed with Daniel!!!
All I could think was DANIEL you are a hypocrate... he gave me hell saying that I was saying nasty things on my blog (when you guys know back then I didn't because I was only saying he wasn't the trainer for me and that was it) and that it was going to ruin his reputation if it got out but he goes and sleeps with a woman that is 12 years older than him and she has a hubby and 3 kids... and he has a georgeous girlfriend... now you tell me how is that not being a hypercrate.
So my lovely morning turned to crap really... I should have stayed with ChrisH till going to bed he he he then I wouldn't have had all this.

She even had Joy (my trainer) over there and telling her. Which by the way has Daniel as part of her team of trainers OMG...

I still can't believe it.. I mean EWWWWW.

ChrisH I know I know I know I know... I know what you are going to say... I shouldn't have gone!!! she isn't worth it and you told me so... I know I know but when a friend gets put in respite or hospital and calls me... I just can't say no... it isn't in my nature. I am glad that I wasn't a wuss and let her make me feel sorry for her though because I didn't do that.

Sunday
Went to the gym this morning and worked my little butt off and did treadmill, cross trainer, bike, weights, kickboxing with pads and hubby and then sit ups and when I got up after the sit ups my back hurt me like buggery. I think while doing the kicking to the pads it was too high and I hurt my back grrrr so when I got home I had to lay down with a wheat pack.

Until that is I got a phone call about a wedding invite I am doing so I got ready for that and it was great we sorted out some things and I think she is really pleased with the one I thought would be great for her.

After that Delwyn (from my old Lean group) came over and we had such a heart to heart talk and I was feeling that the girls wouldn't want me back in my old lean after Kris was there telling them things (when she first got there) but she said that people are always asking how I am going and that it was in my head what I thought they thought and that they know not to believe Kris.

I am thinking about going back. I am still not 100% yet but I do miss it and I think I have improved since having the 4 months break. I might consider going back after Easter.

I spent the rest of the afternoon knitting scarfs he he he so that I could sit still because my back was just killing me. But quite please with the scarf that I am almost finished and can't wait to start another one.. he he he I sound like an old lady knitting but it is working for me in the fact that I don't want to nibble while doing it so hey if it works.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So that was my week... highs and lows.

I am sick of saying this but I am going to work my butt off this week and make next week a week to remember with my weight loss. I don't want to stop!! I want to keep going and I want to get under the 100 kilos by the end of the year and I know I can do it, I just have to focus.

Was thinking about getting a challenge group together or something... something small so that it doesn't get out of hand but some sort of challenge WHAT DO YOU THINK? Any ideas would be fantastic as I just don't have a clue what it could be at the moment.

Anyway Love ya all

Sorry I did ramble on again didn't I!! he he he

OH Welcome my new blogger friends. ChrisH after putting my photo etc up on your blog I have had lots of people going to my old blog and emailing me from there. I appreciate it!! I need to get back to reading other peoples blogs and having comments from others here too... I need that motivation again and maybe this is the way to get me going huh.

Also... Lynise and Lee-Anne... I have got your emails but haven't had a chance to reply and I WILL I PROMISE... maybe tonight. I am so so so so sorry for the delay. I am not ignoring you ok!! just haven't had time to reply properly.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

Comments

Chris H wrote:
Mar 26, 2007 at 3:44 PM
SILENCE....... I am saying nothing about anything I could put my foot in my mouth over......I commend you for being there for your ???friend??? You yabbered on so much I don't know what to comment on ! Have a fantastic week, talk to you again soon I hope.

Tracy wrote:
Mar 26, 2007 at 5:49 PM
Well it has certainly been an interesting week hasn't it? I know we all keep telling you to keep away from Kris but I understand why you went, you would have felt worse if you hadn't. I do not know if she DID sleep with Daniel, I am sure she WANTED to & probably fantasised about it. Maybe he just could not resist the attention either. You know it is difficult to know if that woman is telling the truth - maybe you could ask him :-)
I hope you have a better week this week, without the dramas.

Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 12:48 AM
I saw your photo on Chris's blog and you look great.
Now Kris, hahumm, has this woman got some form of Munchausen's Syndrome?
I know I don't "know" her and THE trainer, but really, do you really think he would have slept with her???? Is this another attempt to cause some trouble and try to shift some of the blame from her to Daniel.Is she trying worm her way into your sympathy.as you said correctly, if she wanted to do it ,she would have done it by now.Sorry if this sound callous but this woman is sick on so many levels.

Anne wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 10:51 AM
Kris really sounds as if she has huge problems. You are right though - a lot of what she is doing is for attention. Do feel for her husband and kids.
Sorry to hear about your gain - hope you can get your head around it and start afresh - ín fact I know you can!

fortysumthing wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 9:12 PM
Shit I could talk my head off on this post. I went through the suicide thing with my youngest son. Don't talk about it much. Too painful. In the end it all boiled down to getting attention and to him getting his own way. Through devious methods I got him to the doctor, who sent him for counselling. He's fine now. All I will say is that maybe now Kris will get the help she needs, which means .... it's no longer your problem. It's a selfish thing that she did. With time I hope she realises it. She is a very unhappy women and she needs help to sort herself out.
As for you, I hope you kicked butt and got back some of that gain you had last week. You're a survivor Mandy, you will always come out on top. Why, because you are happy and have a wonderful husband and family there to support you.
I noticed that the balloons over Hamilton is coming up. Might bring the kids over for the weekend and we can catch up. Whadda reckon.
Love ya heaps girl. Keeping smiling that beautiful smile.

Internet at home a dog

I have broad band and it is still a DOG!!!

OMG having major problems with it at the moment and it is driving me insane. It is faster to read blogs etc at work GEESH.

Today was an ok day... worked and nothing much else.

I did get a compliment today from a lady at school (who incidentally is a friend of Kris.. the one that Kris has been leaning on). Well anyway this lady said that she has been meaning to tell me for weeks... she said "you look fantastic! I bet you are feeling great!" OMG that was so nice of her I couldn't get over it.

She said that she had been over at Kris's all day and she is still depressed. I said "the woman needs a job and have said that all along" and she said the same thing to Kris today... so at least this other friend of Kris's isn't falling for it and telling her exactly what I have been saying.
Enough on that subject.. I was just soooo happy to get a compliment from someone I have only said hi to and not really had anything to do with it was nice.

Work was good. Got my new printer today and that was fantastic.

Had a long talk to my boss in Auckland and asked how flexible she was with the hours and she said she understands how hard it is with kids and with in reason we can negotiate my times so that is soooo good. So I am going to swap my Monday and Tuesday times so I can take Quinn to soccer so I am rapt with that.

There was a big email that came around to all of us today saying that the Directors of the creches didn't know but there will be a couple of changes and then she said "Don't panic" OMG who wouldn't panic when you put that word in there. I said to her I am panicking... she said that it just means the order that I do my work in will change and nothing much else so I am happy with that.. woohoooo. I thought the 1st of April would come and they would say well thanks but we don't need you anymore.. but after thinking on that.. they wouldn't give me a new printer (BRAND NEW HE HE) if they were going to get rid of me would they aye... woohooo.

Been so so so so good with my food today.

I have only eaten 19 points out of my 24 and feeling really full because I had lots of fruit and I had a chicken salad for lunch and I had a salady dinner with roast beef and lots of tomatoes and coleslaw and lettuce and beetroot... it was sooo healthy.

I have a feeling that tomorrow I will gain because to tell you the truth I have been slack.. I haven't felt like there was any motivation in me and people aren't talking about weight loss too much on the blogs so I wasn't getting much motivation to keep me going.

I have only got 21 kilos (that is if I haven't gained tomorrow) but anyway... 21.4 until I get under that 100 kilo mark... and I want that to happen this year everyone.. I really do!! The food is my problem! Exercise isn't the problem what so ever.

OHHHH I forgot to mention there is a huge ho ha going on at the gym now too. The guy that owns the gym doesn't want a lot of different trainers working there under different business names and so in all his glory has decided that there will only be one business and it won't be Joy's or Daniels or the other two trainers there but a couple that are there... so if Joy and the rest of them want to stay then they have to work under this other couples business.. WHAT AN ARSE the owner is... so Joy is finding another place to rent so she can start her personal training business. She can't poach us at all and has told that to us in no certain terms. But if we are to move in our own accord she can't do anything about that either. I can't wait till it is official and then I am going to give the owner a piece of my mind!!! because some good trainers are going and that isn't fair.

I don't want to give up Joy... I know there has been trouble in the last 4 months but I really feel like I achieve a lot in our personal training so we are going to see what happens and if she starts a gym with these other people then Jeremy and I are thinking of moving to it because finding someone that you connect with on the personal trainer front is really hard. So the Lean that was supposed to start tomorrow night has been put off for a couple of weeks until things settle down and she knows what is happening and she said if all else fails then she will be doing it from her garage.. and that is fine with me.

OHHHH am I feeling talkative tonight.

When Jeremy got home the kids, Jeremy and I went for a long bike ride and I chose a route that had lots of hills and then we went and played soccer in the field and then rode back... it was great because Corbin and I were trying to get the ball off each other and my heart rate was going up and Quinn was soooo enjoying kicking the ball and learning how to stop it. I enjoyed it so much and the boys asked if we could do it again tomorrow so obviously they enjoyed it too. Quinn used to hate going for bike rides with us until he got his training wheels off and now we can't keep him off it is great.

Lynise has put me on to a lovely lady that is doing Optifast and has been videoing it and so I got chatting by email to her today and she is lovely. So if you are reading Genelle welcome... I am not too sure if she wants me to put her link but if you do Genelle then please leave a comment and I will link it.

Ok.. so I am off to do some more invites he he he creative stuff again woohoo.

Love ya all

Mandz

P.S I have been thinking about moving all my stuff back to blogger? but private what do you guys think?

Kate does it cost to be with your blogging??? I need to find somewhere that I can be happy and it is ok here but I cannot seem to work out how to get a template that I like... and it be me... hmmm and there are some features I miss from blogger.

BYYYEEEEE

Comments
Chris H wrote:
Mar 19, 2007 at 8:43 PM
Reply
Delete
Phew girl, when you wanna yak you can! Now, as for Mike's hair... it's on Saturday's blog post I reckon...

Kateypie wrote:
Mar 19, 2007 at 9:01 PM
Reply
Delete
Yeah it does cost, but for me it's well worth it. I've tried about 6 different blogging websites and by far it's the best one. I love it! We justified the cost by thinking about how it is my hobby & support - every day! So the cost isn't that much compared with some hobbies. You can do a free trial, and have a play around :-)

Was getting over it

Mar 15, 2007 at 5:25 PM

Ok so I was getting over the Kris thing I WAS YA KNOW!!!!

Then today she came up to me in my car while waiting for the kids and she looked like death warmed up and she said "I have a permanent babysitter now" I said "what are you talking about" she said that she had a nervous breakdown and since Tuesday has been in hospital in the care unit because of her breakdown. She doesn't know why it happened or what happened but she drove to a friends place and then the next thing she knew she was going to hospital... SHIT.
Said that the babysitter is there to make sure she doesn't try to commit suicide... and while she was talking to me her hubby was in the car and he has taken a week off because he is worried about her.

Now my heart sank as I felt sorry for her but after talking to hubby and another friend... they said the same thing (both of them at different times) that she is telling me because she wants attention.

She also said she went and saw Daniel (her trainer) to apologise for all the crap she has done... and told him about the situation and realised that she was getting to attached to him in her head. I said to her "I could have told you that a year ago... infact I told you that a year ago" The poor trainer is only like 23 or 24 and that is a lot to take in when you are training someone.
She asked if I could have a coffee with her next week and I said yes. After that I just felt stink all day. I don't want to get involved with this woman anymore but I also don't want it on my conscience if anything happened that I wasn't wanting to listen. Why do I get caught up in this... am I a person that feels I can sort peoples problems out? Or am a nosy person? Or what? I am not sure.

My friend Tania said (in no certain terms as she doesn't hold anything back and is sooo straight forward sometimes I want to slap her he he he) that she is weedling her way back in to my life and I am a soft hearted stupid woman if I get involved again.. it is attention seeking and really if a normal person was admitted to hospital for depression or something like that then they would want to be at home wallowing in their problem and not tell anyone yet she came and told you... GET REAL she is just wanting the attention again and you cannot do it.. I kept saying to Tania yes I know I know but I can't leave a person that wants someone to talk to like that... and Tania said Well she has got you hooked again and it isn't like you haven't got your own things to worry about.

OMG am a bitch!! OMG is going to a coffee the wrong thing? I just want to text Kris and tell her that I am there to talk to if she needs me but I am scared on the other hand too because I don't know mentally that I can handle it.

I know this blog has been filled with things about Kris lately but I suppose this is my life and things that are worrying me I want to get off my system and having someone to listen to me is what I need. Or am I doing the same as Kris?

Went to morning tea with old work mates today and gave them some of my business cards and they were impressed and said that they would pass it on that I am doing this and see if they can send business my way. I got a lot of good compliments on my invites too. One of them even said that I should put them in a scrapbook instead of a folder and it would look more arty and better presentation and I agree... didn't really think of it like that before.

Eating has been ok this week. Not been concentrating too much on it just going with the flow. I haven't gained on our scales so that is ok.

Went out for dinner last night with hubby but decided to go to The Londoner and had a nice pub sort of dinner. It was nice and relaxing and we had fish and chips and salad and I totally enjoyed it. We talked and relaxed and watched the people around us and it felt good to get out with each other. I said to Jeremy that it felt different going out for dinner tonight.... a year ago I would have been self conscious and wondering what everyone was thinking of me and if my pants looked ok or if I was dressed up or down for the place but I wore a orange hessian shirt (that I get lots of compliments on and my three quarter black jeans and felt really good and relaxed. What a difference in my attitude with going out and Jeremy noticed it too.

I am in the study at the moment and Quinn is on the floor making cards (like I do he he he) I gave him a little basket to put his finished cards in like I do with mine and he is enjoying that. I think he is going to be a very arty little boy... not conventional with his art as he doesn't draw specific things just blobs and stuff and sometimes bees or birds etc but still it is good.

Just checked the mail and FINALLY I got a letter about my Smear which was 4 weeks ago and came back normal. What a relief.. OMG it took them long enough though. Hubby said that if there was anything wrong they would have come back really soon with it so I suppose that was a good sign.

I feel better getting that letter that is for sure.

On that note I am going now.

Mandz

Comments

Chris H wrote:
Mar 15, 2007 at 8:19 PM

I am going to keep this short and simple... attention seeking, don't be sucked in again unless you want to be her support person forever, don't go there. She makes you miserable, want to be miserable some more???

Chubbymum wrote:
Mar 15, 2007 at 9:22 PM
You are right Chris H
I don't want to be miserable anymore!! Won't go there!
Mandz

Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 16, 2007 at 12:50 AM
I agree with Tania, most people would not want anybody knowing they have had a breakdown, so I feel she'e out for the sympathy vote.

Lynise wrote:
Mar 16, 2007 at 11:56 AM
yippeeee, on the clear smear result. That must be a weight off your mind. (I'm still procrastinating about booking one which is really silly of me)

In regards to Kris, I'm with Chris and Celtic Girl, I don't think coming up and telling you she has had a nervous breakdown is normal at all. I imagine most people would be feeling quite sensitive about having people know, therefore the fact she is advertising it to you SCREAMS of seeking attention. Your heart is in the right place (wanting to lean an ear) but as Chris has said, she just makes you miserable, and her past actions have shown that she really can't be trusted. Remember, she CHOSE to do something that would make YOU look bad. No true friend would do that. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, I am convinced that she hasn't changed at all, and would turn on you in a heart beat if something ticked her off and she wanted to get back at you.

In my opinion she isn't really a true friend Mandy, she is needy, and manipulative, and cunning, and deceitful (all things she has shown herself to be through her own actions)

I hope you don't get hurt again.
Take care

Chubbymum wrote:
Mar 16, 2007 at 1:27 PM

Yes I have come to the conclusion that you are all right... I knew deep down but didn't want to feel like I was giving up on someone that needed my help or my ear.

I am feeling better about it today. I am also feeling better about the weight loss side of things today.

Mandz

janene wrote:
Mar 16, 2007 at 1:32 PM

Mandy I can hear the alarms bells ringing from here. I know what you are saying about not wanting to feel guilty that you weren't there for her to talk to, BUT as your friend said, who the hell goes out telling everyone that they had a breakdown, and so soon after the fact! She is trying to wheedle her way back into your life, and you will end up going through the same heartbreak as you did before, but even worse this time. You are finding it hard enough now to trust new friends (eg Debbie), but imagine how hard it will be if she messes with you again. Tell her to buggar off and to go talk to a counsellor - okay, so you could be more polite about it than that, but it makes me angry that she might be given the opportunity to hurt you again. You are too special and you don't deserve to have to put up with her shit again.
BE STRONG MY FRIEND!!!

janene wrote:
Mar 16, 2007 at 1:34 PM

Okay just read your responses to your comments. Good decision Mandy, she's just not worth your time or the hurt xox

Tracy wrote:
Mar 16, 2007 at 2:22 PM
I know it is hard to say no, especially when someone seems so needy & desperate but in this case, you need to keep away from the woman as much as you can. Tell her you are sorry that she has been ill but at this stage you feel that it would not be a good idea to resume contact. She only wants attention & you have too much good stuff going on now to get caught up in that crap again.

Sorry I have not been commenting much lately, flat out with work etc but have been reading regularly.
Have a great weekend.

Lee wrote:
Mar 18, 2007 at 8:13 PM
It is so hard to break away as you want to help, but this chick has done nothing but bring you down...don't punish yourself by going back there!!
You have kicked on and you are doing great in all areas of your life...don't start to go backwards!!
Have a great week
xxx

Friendship

Mar 10, 2007 at 9:30 PM

Yes I do agree Lynise Good friends are hard to find... it isn't that I don't want Debbie as my friend. I do really... I do... but I am weary now after the trouble with Kris and I also have to be true to myself. It isn't that I don't want to be friends with Debbie but she treats us as best of friends when I only met her August last year and I am friends with her but she doesn't know what I have been through in my life and she doesn't know me like she thinks. I am just saying that after Kris I am weary not that I don't want her as a friend. Does this all make sense?

I think.. I back off when people get to the stage that I have to explain why I don't want to do things and it isn't because I haven't said it to her... she assumes things sometimes and it bugs me.

Like for instance she walks to weight watchers sometimes (which is great I reckon) and last week she said... I don't think I will walk home and I didn't answer and then another lady said well how are you getting home then? and Debbie said nothing and I left it for a moment and Debbie still didn't answer and I said "I suppose I am taking her home" then Debbie said "God you don't have to... I can call (the lady she boards with) to come and get me"... and I said "no I will take you".

Now it isn't that I mind taking her but if she doesn't think she can walk home then she shouldn't walk because it is 10 minutes out of my way and with a V6 car it gets bloody expensive and so that means it is 20 minutes before I get home and I miss saying good night to the boys. I know that sounds bad but sometimes I hate that she assumes that I will do something instead of asking... I would never do that!!! I would never assume that I can get a lift from someone and if I couldn't walk home then a simple please would be good ya know.

She phoned today to see if I wanted to go and get some beads as she was looking for them to decorate a handbag for a wedding.. but I couldn't go and I would have liked to but I was going to a wedding with Jeremy (hubby).

She does phone to see if I want to do things and that is sooo cool and sometimes I so so so want to go but I have already organised my day.

One of Jeremy's work mates was getting married for the second time and we were invited. It was a great afternoon and we enjoyed having drinks with his work mates and one in particular is a new woman that just started and we got on really well. It was a nice afternoon just relaxing and talking.... she has a two year old and talking about all the two year old things was quite funny... it was like listening about my youngest son they seem quite alike.

What beautiful weather and I had a tear in my eye because the brides son (21 year old) walked her down the isle and for the groom his son and daughter were his best men/woman. It was a really nice relaxing wedding.

I maybe ate too much though and shouldn't have but I think I am sabotaging myself in the last week or so... I think I get to the stage of getting to a certain weight lost and then sabotage myself.

I set myself the 5 kilos goals and then I get close and then I go back and forward like a yoyo.. I am not too sure why I do that? I have 1.4 kilos to go and I was there two weeks ago. Two weeks ago I was 121.1 then I gained 500grams and then I stayed the same and then last week lost.

I am not focussed and maybe it is because I am concentrating on my invite business but I don't want to give up that either. I want both the business and my weight loss to go smoothly... I have to work out a way that I can do that.

Thanks for my comments guys I really do read them and sometimes I think I should reply by a comment but it seems silly to reply to myself he he he.

Went to the library today too to get books on how to do the books for my little business. I don't like MYOB!!! it is such a stupid package... does anyone else use another package that might be good. I just want something simple and easy and not all the bells and whistles.

While I was at the wedding a lady asked me what I did and we got on the subject of invitations and she said that I need to give Jeremy some business cards to give to her husband and she will pass them around. She is sort of the age that has kids in their twenties.... so ya never know aye.
I am watching I,Robert at the moment, it is quite a good movie. I didn't want to go and watch it at the movies but I wish I did now it isn't as bad as I thought. I thought it was going to be really really spooky, show ya how wrong I could be.

Did I mention that I got my printer HE HE HE HE LOL

Good night everyone
Love Mandz

Comments

Anne wrote:
Mar 11, 2007 at 4:58 PM
I used to have MYOB but have now changed to Quickbooks which I really like.

Tracy wrote:
Mar 12, 2007 at 3:49 PM
Sounds like you have a knack for choosing "clingy" friends. I think it is rude just to expect you to give her a lift home. I think that she needs to just think a bit more, obviously you have a lot in common & enjoy each others company BUT your lives are different, as you say, she is single & can come & go & do as she pleases - you have a family with which goes huge responsibilities & obligations.

On another nore, I am glad you enjoyed the wedding.

Did you mention you had a new printer???? :-)

Keep writing

Mar 9, 2007 at 6:30 PM

I am trying to make an effort to write each day about what is happening because I do feel better when I let it all out.

I had an email from a lovely person yesterday that made me think! It was about Kris and she mentioned a couple of things and I have been thinking that in the last couple of weeks since the morning tea I have felt better about the situation and that I am happy with my decision not to get involved with her as a friend anymore. She also mentioned that maybe she thought I was afraid of her and I didn't think so when I read it but after some thought I have to agree I am scared of her. She turned my world upside down in a short period of time and if she had more access to my life and my feelings that she did then it could have been worse. It has changed my whole concept of trust!! I am not sure if I mean concept of trust or hmmmm... I am scared to trust people as much anymore for fear of it turning on me.

I am like that at the moment with Debbie.... and I know it frustrates her and I have explained the situation and another friend has to her as well... that I am taking it slow with friends because of the trust thing blowing up in my face with Kris... and I back off when I am feeling pressured... I quite often feel like Debbie pressures me in to doing something and I try and make an excuse to get out but the excuse has to be right with her and I have to explain why I am not going to do something or what I am doing instead and sometimes I just want to say NO because I don't want to do it. Why do I do it? I just want to say Oi back off you are being pushy but I don't... I just find excuse after excuse and end up backing out of the friendship.

Debbie and I are different... for one thing she is 8 years younger and is single and can do things by herself but I have a family and kids and a huge mortgage and I don't want to be doing half the things she does and to be quite honest I have done it and now I am on a different path in my life but I am not sure she gets that. I do like spending time with her but she isn't number one in my life my family is and I have explained this to her but I do still get the feeling that she thinks I am saying no because I don't like her etc which isn't really the case it is just I prioritise things differently from her because of my family.

I love spending time with my husband and my kids!!! I love just being and watching tv and knowing that I don't have to say anything to hubby and just be and it makes me happy. We are comfortable in each others pressence and I sometimes don't like it when people talk during shows on the tv etc because it just bugs me... and he knows that.

Wow I am rambling on tonight.

In a nutshell I like having Debbie as a friend but I have to find a way to balance it to let her know that it isn't that I don't like her but I don't want to spend every second day with her...
I haven't thought about it before and always thought I was an extrovert and sometimes I am around my friends but most of the time I prefer my own company and I like being in an office by myself... Maybe it is a Virgo thing?

Anyway....

I get my business cards on Tuesday (have I mentioned that before he he he) and I got my printer today WOOHOOOOO I got my printer today do a little dance, do a little dance. It is big and fast and does colour and black and white and when the kids are in bed tonight hubby and I are going to be doing some printing and I cannot wait.

Went to my PT session with Joy today and I did the following
15 minutes on the bike
15 minutes on the treadmill and every second minute running on the treadmill. I am feeling so much better than I did when I first started running and my knee has not been giving me trouble.
1500 metres on the rower
4 sets of 20 situps
4 sets of having a swiss ball between my legs and bringing my legs together so I use my thigh muscles OMG
4 sets 20 of rubber band on my ankles and doing leg raises and after that I felt the burn OMG on each leg
15 minutes on the cross trainer and every second minute she would put it up to level 5 for a minute then back down to level 1 OMG OMG my legs were so so so sore afterwards

But that is ok that she made me work hard because I over ate last night as we went out with our boys to a Mongolian Restaurant and I had to plates ARGHHHHH but it was yummy.

It was interesting talking to Joy today... she asked if I was still blogging and I said No straight out... I said No because I don't want any of them to know I am blogging and I certainly don't want Kris to know I am still blogging.

I said I do comment on peoples blogs because I love keeping in contact... she said "It is better that you don't have a blog and I am so happy that you don't anymore... look at the trouble that happened last time" I said "No it wasn't my blog that was the trouble it was Kris causing trouble that was the trouble and she just looked at me and said "yes I agree with that as well". She said you have improved since not blogging and I thought to myself a load of shit because I am still blogging and I am doing better now... I turned to her and said "I am doing better because I don't have Kris in my life anymore" and she said "yes I can see that too". It annoyed me because my blog is the best thing in my life... it gets things out and it makes me look at things and sort my life out. But that is ok because I now know that I don't tell anyone around me here about it and I need to be careful who I entrust with reading it but it is still for me and anyone that doesn't like what I write doesn't have to read anyway.

It was a good workout anyway but now I have to realise that I cannot talk about blogging and my life because it isn't worth the trouble when it is people at the gym and school... as long as I have my family and blogging then I am happy.

Got my printer today he he he did I mention it he he he

Went for my coffee with the school mums today (as it has been a fortnight woohoooo) it was good talking and the hour went so so so so fast but it was enjoyable. I am glad we started this.. there is 5 of us and we get on like a house on fire. We were talking about one of them's business that they are getting into as husband and wife and she is quitting her job and we talked about neighbours that are causing problems and about things other than kids once again it was marvellous... sat outside in the sunshine and had our coffee and frappes and I felt like the rich he he he not that I am by any means.

Anyway did I mention I got my new printer today he he he

Have a good night everyone

Comments

Lynise wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 6:54 PM
hi ya,
Hope everything smooths out with Debbie as good friends are such an added bonus in life and although you might not be at exactly the same place in your lives its great to come together with friends who care. One of my best friends is only 24 years old. I met her at my old work and dispite us being polar opposites we get along great and are able to have some great laughs together.
I guess alot of people may wonder what on earth we have in common as she is quite a bit younger then me, is from India, is Muslim, and is quite restricted in where her husband will allow her to go. (yes, you did read that right) but we get along great. I think friendship is about finding someone whose company you enjoy, and who you trust and respect. Each friendship will be unique as no other friendship will ever be the exact same mix. You definitely shouldn't have to make excuses as 'no I really don't feel like it' should be enough. (comes back the other person respecting your decisions.)
Hope your having a great day. Keep smiling.
PS: Just wondering when you are getting your printer, I havn't heard you mention it for a while. :-)

Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Wanting to be alone is definately a Virgo thing, I'm the same. Your friend Debbie, really should realise your family is numero uno in you life.Also, congrats on getting your new printer!!

Chris H wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Yes woman, you did mention you got your new printer.... WOOO HOOO... OK? As for friends, and the boundaries, you have to set them where you are comfortable.... I understand this 110%. I only have a very few close friends, the ones I know I can trust 10% with anything I tell them. And they are the ones that I can say "Piss of now, I want some peace" to and they don't take offense! They are few and far between mate.... Don't let Debbie badger you into anything you don't want, be it spending time with you, confiding in, etc. You have the right to do whatever the hell you like, you are in control of your life. As for Joy, she sounds like a friggin know it all, who will say whatever she thinks you want to hear....strange person. I wouldn't trust her, she sounds suss to me. Shit, I shouldn't be so condemming of someone I have never met ...... nasty me. Have a bloody wonderful weekend girl!

pink-elephants wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 11:08 PM
hey there my friend I just wondered has your printer arrive yet hehehe
u sound so up its great
blow the trainer and blogs I THINK BLOGGING IS GOOD as u said it wasn;t the blog that was the problem.
You said I would be losing because of my exercise girl u run rings around me i wouldn't be able to keep up with u your doing fantastic keep it up kiddo
Hugs