Caught in a web of indecision

Lee-Anne you are right.... it is time for me to update he he

You guys know what my weekends are like and ever since I have been to that parenting seminar I have been spending even more quality time with the kids.... so let's see what have we done

Saturday was busy shopping with the kids getting Lego and jigsaw puzzles because we knew the rest of the weekend was going to be crappy so we organised with the kids that from Saturday afternoon till Sunday morning we would have a camp out in the lounge... so we got their mattresses from their beds and their duevets and pillow and we camped in the lounge with popcorn and chippies and drinks and we played Lego and jigsaw puzzles and watched DVD's and basically spent time in our PJ's just doing things with them. It was great and the day went really fast and they even got to stay up till around 10pm watching the rugby (as we never let them stay up past 7.30 he he but I felt generous).... half way through the rugby they fell asleep woohooo so we got some time me and hubby chatting... We also went for a walk down and back on the river as it was nice in the morning when we went.

I totally enjoyed that day doing that and spending money on jigsaws as well.

Sunday was a miserable day but it was not going to stop me doing my exercise.... so we all got our raincoats, boots, umbrellas and warm weather gear on and went for a walk in the rain... I swear the people out there thought we were completely nutty but we enjoyed it and the boys got to trample in the puddles etc so that was great. We went 6,320 steps on our walk so I was pleased with that and felt that I didn't mind spending the rest of the day doing jigsaw puzzles and watching tv... woooohooo for us. I was smiling in the rain because the boys weren't too happy we were doing it at the start but they totally enjoyed it while we were out. We did manage to stop at the coffee shop and have a hot chocolate so that made their days too.

So I am back at work today boo hoo and not feeling like I want to be here but I am and hey that is life.

As you all know I haven't been going to Weight Watchers for about a month because I have been paying for it and feeling like I wasn't learning anything new out of it and that I could do it on my own....

Well anyway a lady turned up in my office today from Weight Watchers (not the leaders just a lady loosing weight) and said that she couldn't miss the opportunity (as her company delivers the bread to our creche) and she told them that she would go and deliver it today and so..... anyway she came in to my office and said that everyone is missing me and that I am such an inspiration to her and the reason she kept going and for me not to be there is quite a downer now.

Said that she was sad to hear that I wouldn't be coming back... OH GOD now I feel quilty but happy at the same time because I didn't want to leave as I made some great friends but I couldn't justify the money either for the yoyoing I had been doing but I might reconsider as this might be the push that I needed??? She didn't have to do that and it was a nice thing for her to take time out to come and tell me that... hmmmm lots of pondering is going to be happening I think.

I was telling her about my delima with Debbie and that I felt like the competition wasn't good and I didn't want to ruin our friendship either and she said "she is such a negative person and I would much rather that you were there instead of her and that I should still be going and if the friendship was worth it then it would get through it" OKKKKKK so that made me feel like a bitch for saying it because I can lose this weight if I want to I just have to work out a way that I can not let Debbie and her competing get to me... I know it is in my head but it is hard to compete with a person that is 10 years younger and doesn't have anything stopping her because she is single with no kids etc....

I just don't know what to do. I spoke to hubby on the phone and he said the reasons that I left Weight Watchers were right and that I was spending money for nothing and that I know what to do I just have to do it and that is what we are working on at home. So now that made me even more confused... I don't know what I want to do.... sigh

I am feeling really great about the steps diet I am doing as it is a little like Weight Watchers but if I want something naughty I need to do more steps etc to make up for it and it seems sooo simple to me. But I do love the support I get from the ladies at WW too... grrrr

Anyway before I do my head in I am going to go.

I really should be blonde shouldn't I.... ditzy bitch I am.

Love ya
CM

Wednesday

Well my weigh in for this week is 600 grams loss.

I went from 121.6 kilos to 121 kilos and I am soooo happy with that. I know that I can't lose a kilo each week and if I can make 500 grams or a little bit more then I am happy.

So I haven't lost enough to make up for the 5 kilos for the 10 weeks but I am on my way and I am thinking more about food and my portions now and I am back in to my exercise routine and feeling so much better for it.

I am reading Helena's bible at the moment and finding it really informative and found out that I am a protein type... so in the last couple of days hubby and I have been trying different things from the bible and one is to have a little bit of protein 1 or 2 hours before bed time as apparently it helps with sleeping and I slept soooo much better last night for it.

Went to kickboxing on Monday night with Debbie and Kris was sitting in the seat at reception looking all slumber and unhappy. I think she had a meeting with the physio and so Debbie was already standing outside the Kickbox class and so I decided to introduce each other... Kris said hello and then proceeded to look at the floor and not get in on a conversation so hey I tried to hold a sival conversation but she didn't want it and it suited me fine because then I just thought hey how great is that I am happy and not worrying about what she thinks anymore. Debbie and I had a good work out on Monday night kickboxing as Liz tried new moves in the class and I was sweating like a pig.

I got a compliment this morning at school when I was dropping of the kids. A parent came up to me and said "You look fantastic have you lost more weight" I said a little but it is coming off slowly " and then she said I really love your hair colour' I said to her "OMG you are the only one that has noticed my hair colour and I did it over a week ago" she said "then they must be jealous" he he he that made me laugh. She is such an elegant lady this lady talking to me and I love how trendy she is when she dresses so it was a lovely comment that came from her.

So I am ready for another week on this journey.... I find that when I am concentrating on Papaya business my weight loss suffers and when I am concentrating on my weight loss then my business suffers.. OMG I can't win really. I know deep down that my weight loss is more important but I have spent a lot of money on my business for me not to keep it going. I have this Wedding Expo to do in July and to be honest I haven't made up enough invites to get me going and I can't think of anything at the moment that will catch their eyes and says WOW I love those invitations.

Janene asked if we won Lotto $7.5 million what would we do with it. So tell me what you think? And like Janene I challenge you to think what you would spend your money on.

1. Wake up first he he he
2. 1 Million between hubby's family
3. 1 Million to my mum
4. $500,000 to Quinn (bank account)
5. $500,000 to Corbin (bank account)
6. 1 Million to be spent on a new house for us to live in and be happy with
7. 1 Million in the bank account for Savings and to keep us going for a while.
8. $500,000 to be spent on a business that basically runs itself but I can be in (probably a craft business)
9. $500,000 for a batch in New Zealand somewhere (not a flash one... something that we can do up and spend weekends in etc)
10. $100,000 Go on a holiday to Tuscany, Venice (basically Italy he he) and Europe and enjoy about 6 months of travelling with the kids and have a private tutor with us too so they can keep up with their school work, but for us to enjoy life for 6 months.
11. Go to school and learn anything I want to learn just for me and not worry how we are going to pay bills or live. Am thinking about going to learn more about Nutrition and also about psychology of losing weight so that I can start up a business to help people like me that have to sort out their minds to lose the weight because if you haven't got the right headspace then it just doesn't happen.
12. Rent out our house that we live in at the moment... or maybe sell our house we have at the moment and buy two rentals to be rented.
13. Hire a personal trainer so that I don't have to worry about only going once a week I could go five times a week if I want.
14. Also hire a Nutritionist to be on hand full time to teach me and hubby and the kids about nutrition and how we can change our eating but it still be yummy... (basically like a cook too he he he).
15. Visit all the bloggers to see how they are going and maybe have a NZ blogging night and a Australian Blogging night to catch up and have a party he he he.

Anyway will update later as I have heaps of work to do he he he

Love Chubbymum

Good day

My day off!!!!

Woohooo I love Thursday and Friday's

I have been good with food today. I have been eating when I feel like I need it and not when I think I should... I did this a couple of weeks ago and had a really good loss.

I helped out in Quinn's classroom this morning with spelling and he is getting so much better and thinking about the sounds it is great to see the difference. The kids in his class are really nice kids and I quite enjoy testing them on a Thursday morning.

After that I went home and got Mum and we went to Spotlight and got some beads and I brought some things to go for my business for kids party invites. I have one party invite to finish before this weekend and so I am stressing about it but hey.

Sushi for lunch mmmmmmmm

After lunch I met the other mums for our weekly coffee at our local coffee shop (down the street from the school he he he) and we chatted for an hour and I gloated about Corbin being in the GATE program and they were sooo great about it. One of the lady son is Corbin's best friend and I reckon in a month he will be tested to be in the GATE program too because he is a bright boy too...

One of the mums hubby suprised her by saying next week they are going to Melbourne for 4 days for their 10 year wedding anniversary and he has organised everything including the kids being with people as well... it was sooo nice to hear. He is a lovely guy (quite a yummy looking man, and a fireman too) I am really pleased for her.......

Got the boys from school did their homework and then went to soccer practice and then came home, cooked dinner, got the kids in to the shower, took mum to bingo and then played with the boys in the playroom and now they are in bed, hubby is at Trivial Pursuit and Mum and bingo and I am watching the biggest loser...

OMG my day was full on.. it might not sound like it but I am shagged and I haven't even done any exercise. But I do have my PT tomorrow with Joy and I am looking forward to that.

The support in the last couple of days has been wonderful and that is the reason that I am still blogging and still reading blogs and I think that if I didn't have this group then I would have given up by now. I honestly think the reason I am still here is because of all of you!!! In the two years if I had troubles or was indecisive you were there for me and I do thank you all for that....

OMG I went to the gym last night for my kickboxing class and as I said last night I went because Debbie asked for us to go... So I went... but as usual she didn't even bloody turn up... why can't I learn? I was sooo pissed that I txtd her and said "Not going to kickbox class with you again. 10th time you haven't turned up, didn't txt me to say you weren't coming." She text back to say that she didn't think I would want her coming to class crying.

I thought OMG and wrote back "a sorry I won't be there would have been the polite thing to do" as I had to tell her how I was feeling and then I said "so why were you crying" she said he was having trouble with her kittens causing trouble at home and she is behind on her assignments. I was a bit harsh but said OMG you are single... get off the tv and do your homework.. she could be doing it at lunch time like all the other girls at work but no she is reading magazines. I said to her that she needs to get her priorities right and sort it out because sitting there crying wasn't going to help and she didn't have anything but work and home in her life so really she had no excuse for not doing her homework...

Last Wednesday (Anzac day) she phoned saying her computer wasn't working and her assignment was due tomorrow... I said to her "OMG so why are you doing your assignment the day before?" She said she only wanted her computer fixed so she could email her tutor and say she wouldn't be handing it in and wanted my husband to come and fix it....

He told her he couldn't fix it she would have to go and take it in to get fixed (which wouldn't happen on a stat day) I offered for her to have our old computer to do her assignment and she said "if you bring it over" I gave up then. She knows at least a month before it is due and there is no excuse. It is the second time since February that she hasn't done her assignments. I said NO I am going out and said I have to go... OMG if she really wanted to get her assignment done she would have said "I will be there in 5 minutes" GEESH

I know I sound harsh but OMG I am sorting out a new business, two kids, homework, work, hubby, soccer practices, soccer games, personal training, gym, weight watchers, taking my mum around, chores around house, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, sorting out kids to go to guitar lessons and she can't cope with two kittens and one assignment a month or six weeks before it is due. OMG I just wanted to slap her and say OHHHH WOE IS ME!!! get off your fat arse and do your study!!!!!

I now know why she is single and a big girl... she is lazy and all the excuses in the world aren't going to help.

Can I ever find normal friends? Or am I being harsh? I just want a friend that will listen to me and I listen to them and support them and they do it in return... For us to go for a coffee and to be normal.... why can't I have a friend like that. It seems the only true friends I have are online and there for me and comment and listen and help!!! Why aren't you all here in my town!!!!?????

I have had a craving for sushi lately yummm

I so hope that this week I can lose at least 500 grams and get back on to it....

Love ya all
Chubbymum

Back on track

So I was mad with myself on Monday and Tuesday but....

I changed things and went back to my kickboxing class on Monday as I felt better with my back and thought it was time to get back in to it. Hubby said even though I had a blow out on the weekend the rest of the week was good and I am also putting back on muscle that I had lost with being out of action for a month and I have been walking every night and doing my personal training so.... it was just the weekend and I shouldn't complain.

• So I went to the kickboxing on Monday (as I said)
• I went for a walk/jog last night woohooooo I walked one pole jogged the other pole then rested while hubby caught up as he couldn't jog with his back.
• Hubby and I have diaryed our time on Friday to sort out the food situation and make a proper list.
• I have been drinking my water...
• So this week is going to be a doozy... I am going to catch up.

I gained 500 grams last night at Weight Watchers and I thought it was going to be like a kilo or more but it wasn't so that was all good. I know a gain isn't good but hey...

I was a grumpy cow in my posts and I do realise that sometimes reading posts like that you just want to jump in the screen and slap the person.

I have also realised that it was a week before my monthly and maybe that is why I wanted to snack all the time. It will be interesting to know what happens next month... and if so I have to work out some strategies aye.

The reason I haven't posted is because I have been busy with the soccer practices and walking and the gym that I haven't been much on the computer. I have tried to comment on a couple but haven't been able to... I still love you all though and tonight I am going to try and get up to date with you all... don't forget me aye he he he

I have to get a hair cut this week OMG it is driving me insane.. I haven't had one in over 3 months GEEESHHHH and that is soo not like me. It will only be a hair trimthough because I am trying to grow it.... but the fringe is just atrotious he he he.

I did have a bit of a rowl with Debbie last night at Weight Watchers... there was a new lady there and she was asking me all these questions on how much I have lost etc so I took out my comparision photos to show her and Debbie piped up and said "God you aren't bringing those photos out again are you?" I said to her "Yes and I am damn proud of them Debbie... do you have a problem with that?" she shut up after that.

Sometimes I wonder if she has manners up her arse!!

I wasn't showing her the photos just the lady that asked.

Then Debbie said to the lady "she won't mention her weight because she isn't telling anyone" in this tone and I said "NO because some people make it a competition"

OMG this poor lady must have thought that we were teenagers... I was just tired of the little comments and usually I let them slip but after gaining I wasn't in the mood for it.

After the meeting Debbie litterally shoved her weight loss book in my face and said "see how much I have lost"

I said "No Debbie I don't want to know!!! I don't mind knowing if you got to a milestone that is fantastic but I don't want to do this..." she walked off in a huff

I turned to her and said "Do NOT get in a huff with me I am not playing this game... I have explained so many times what I feel about this and you keep on going on and I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN"

She apologised but OMG how many times do you tell a girl that you don't want to compete without getting sooo frustrated. She makes me sooo fucken mad. I really enjoy her company but this constant badgering me about what weight I have lost is doing my head in and I think last night was just the last straw...

It was sooo nice to have my Weight Watcher ladies back.. OMG I don't want them to go away ever again... I missed them so much as the lady that took over Sucked big time.

Anyway tonight is another kickboxing night and Debbie has asked to go so that should be good.

Oh and Helena if you are reading this... I think I have organised for the Monday for you to go to the class... not sure if it will cost $10 or not but I am working on it he he he as they do do casual ones.

Anyway I will update later as I am at work and really need to get back to it.

Love ya all and I do SOOOOOOOOOOOOO appreciate the comments and have taken it all in and love you all dearly.

Love Chubbymum

Thoughts - and UPDATE!!!

.....................UPDATE BELOW....................

I have been thinking so much in the last week on how I can improve my food and my lifestyle change because I did rely so much on my exercise.

I must admit this year has been a bit of a downer so far because of last years achievements with all the exercise things I did I am feeling quite disoriented this year and that is why I am trying to work out ways to keep me motivated.

I am trying to gage what the feeling is when I am hungry. Because before when I thought I was hungry really I wasn't and it was just because (maybe?) I was bored etc.

So today was my first day at this. For breakfast I had left over chicken with two toast because I was in a hurry and I hate to eat in the car (I know I know people are going to say that isn't good eating in the car but when you start work at 7.30 and have to sort kids etc out then that has to happen) and it only happens some days not everyday.

I thought then I wasn't going to eat anything until I can feel it in my tummy that I needed food and I had this ache in my tummy around 10am and it was like OMG if I don't eat something NOW I would die he he he but in actual fact I knew that I wouldn't die but I don't usually let myself get to that hunger pang stage and was quite scared (if that is the word).

So I had 10 rice crackers to serve the hungry pang and I went for a walk down the road with a workmate (which we are trying to do every Mon, Tue, Wed mornings) so she could get a good coffee and I could see the sunshine (and not be stuck in my little dungeon all day he he he).

It felt good to know that I could feel that hunger pang but get rid of it by eating the right thing and not by just putting food in my mouth because it was morning tea or lunch or afternoon tea etc (which I hate doing by the way...)

I am not much for wanting to eat just because it is time and I have to... I think that is what was doing my head in last year on Joys eating plan because I was being told to do something at a certain time it made me NOT want to do it and also the food was varied enough for me. I find that when I am told to eat something I really don't want it and will try my hardest to rebel (GEESH terrible aren't I?).

So this week I am concentrating on listening to my body.

I am still going to go to Weight Watchers every week... it is a habit that I don't want to break just yet.. I do find that it doesn't feel the same anymore and that maybe because I have heard it all before and realistically I know what they are going to say and I know what I should be doing and I really need more than that... and realistically I can't get more than that because there are too many people.

I was talking to hubby about it because I don't want to waste money and I don't want to pay just for the priviledge to weigh when I can do that at home. For people that have 10 kilos to loose it isn't such a lot of money but I have been doing it for 2 years and it adds up. I know that I can't put a price on my health.. I do realise that. But I haven't been for 3 weeks because of my back and the holidays and I have managed to get myself back on track and back in the right headspace.... so I can do this without WW just that for a little while longer I don't want to do it without WW.

I am going to give it till the end of the 10 weeks and see what happens because right now I am not too sure if I am getting anything out of it. I know this sounds harsh and I know maybe some of you will disagree but I used to look forward to going to WW and I knew at the end of the meeting I could talk to the girls but I can't anymore... I don't feel like I can be free to say what I want because Debbie stands there listening and even when she can see that I don't want her to be there she hovers and I can't talk... I can't talk because... I don't know really.... because I don't want her knowing everything about me... or maybe I feel like she is taking over the one place that I TRULY felt comfortable and happy and I wasn't the FAT person anymore, and she overpowers the meeting now?

Now I feel like a little school girl. I don't mean to sound like that or to be harsh because I know that Debbie has a lot ot lose as well and she is just lonely but sometimes I just want to talk to the WW girls SOOOOO much and losing weight is such a personal thing and I HATE Debbie telling me that I should do this, and I should do that, when I see her eating chocolate and biscuits every morning tea at work it is such a contradiction in my eyes. In front of people at work saying to me I can't wait till you lose a little more so we can wear the same size clothes OMG I just wanted to slap her... I would never NEVER ever make someone feel like that and make others think that ohhh she is smaller than her that is just down right rude. So that was another reason that I didn't want to tell her my weight at Weight Watchers anymore and that if she didn't know then she couldn't treat me like crap. I even thought that I wouldn't tell the group that I had got another 5 kilos or a stone etc because I didn't want her to know.

Hubby seems to think that I am yoyoing in the last couple of weeks because if I reach that 35 kilos then I am going to have to say "I just got another 5 kilo star etc" and then Debbie would know how much I have lost. I have a feeling that hubby was right and in my subconscious I was feeling that. I don't want to sabotage myself!!! I want to lose this weight... I just need to find a way to feel MYSELF that the numbers don't matter and so what if she knows. I am not too sure what I can do about that right now.

So it is Weight Watchers tonight. I hopped on the scales this morning and they said 121.9 (200 grams up from yesterday typical being weigh in day) and this afternoon I reckon it will change again so I have to take what I get at weigh in tonight and if I gain I gain... at least it isn't as bad as it was last week with Easter etc. I mean 124.4 at home (123.6 at WW (2.7 gain in 2 weeks ouch)) and now at home saying 121.9 ... that means 2.5 kilos I have lost in the last week.. I am happy with that and even though my WW booklet won't say it I know I HAVE done really well.

So... I have my challenge starting tomorrow!!! Both Celtic girl and I are doing it and I can't wait to show a loss next Tuesday!!

I have to get to the TEENS... I am tired of saying I want to get to the TEENS and it looks like it is getting further and further away... I HAVE to do it...

So PLEASE if anyone is out there and wants to take up the Challenge... then come and do it with us. It doesn't HAVE to be 500 grams a week it can be a realistic amount for you... just come and join the 10 week challenge. And if you do!! Mention it on your blog and lets get this Challenge/Group Motivation going.

I do feel so motivated this week and I also think that is because a lot of the bloggers are feeling postitive lately too and it is catching. But we are only human and some days or weeks it just isn't the case and that is ok too... but the positiveness is fantastic at the moment.

Anyway will update you on my weigh in tonight.

I am not going to lose (by Weight Watchers scales) but I am a loser!! I am!! and I am proud that I have been good this week.

Food today:

Breakfast: 2 Sandwich Bread, Chicken
Snack: 10 Rice Crackers
Lunch: 2 Vogel bread, Chicken, Lettuce, Pickle
Dinner: Chicken breasts, Peas, Carrots, Cauliflour
Water: 1 bottle so far
( I think it is a Chicken day today.. didn't plan it really to be like that just happened but they are all done a different way so hey!!)

Took my Vitamins for the third day in a row too... I am not good at taking them... good at buying them but I am trying so hard to keep up with taking my Vitamins every morning and I am feeling better for it.

Love Chubbymum

..............UPDATE..............

Ok so my update is good as far as I am concerned... so this is how it goes.

Even though I didn't do an official weigh in last week at WW I weighed at home:

Last week at home: 124.4
Which would have been at WW: 123.6
(Usually 800 grams difference between my scales and WW)

This week at home: 122.3 (at night)
WW Official weigh in: 121.6

So... for me that is in one week
I have lost 2.1 kilos and I am proud!!!!

But..yep there is a but... by WW scales say I gained 700 grams
and I have gained 700 grams
but I still lost this week to get off the weight that I gained
with my back and bloody easter he he he.

I am really proud of myself even though I gained.. I LOST!

What a day and it is only 1.30 in the avo

What a day already....

It is only 1.30 and I have had a full on morning.

Got up early and met Debbie at the storage units to help her move to her new house that she brought.... I couldn't lift anything but hubby could but I did unpack the kitchen so I felt useful and I got EXERCISE wohhooooo how frustrating to not be able to bend and walk and do normal things. I dropped a blanket and I couldn't even pick it up because bending with a sore calf, hamstring and back is impossible grrrr.

I was sweating like a pig though undoing boxes and putting dishes in the cupboards woohooo I found a way to exercise. I must admit though the standing was bad and sore but hey!!! I took a voltaren before going and had a V so I was happy. I am resting now but did do some shopping after helping Debbie.

I have my first wedding this year to do and so I went out to get the paper to do the invitations wohooooo. I am not making much on it but it is something and it is my business aye. I am quite proud of these invites because I designed them myself. I had another one in mind for her but she didn't want to go that way but it was different and I suppose I like different and out of the square.

OMG I want more weddings to do... going in to the stationery shops and buying paper and things was sooo much fun this morning. With the little extra I am making on this wedding I went and already spent it he he he only because I needed a way to display my invitations that I went and brought a lovely photo album that I can display them in.

I thought I might do it like a scrapbook so that they are presented well. I can't wait to have a go at doing it. I might take it camping next week and do it because with Tania there I am sure that she will be taking some form of craft with her. Or I might take my knitting he he he I am making a really nice autumn colour scarf for me (nice a fluffy) he he he.

I will take a photo of the album once I finish it.

OMG I can't believe my first wedding is happening. Even though this woman doesn't get married till October he he he.

I was thinking that I might get some sort of little present to put with the invitations when finished and paid for so that I tell the person how much I appreciate them using me for the wedding invite creator.... hmmmm so if anyone can think of any suggestions I would appreciate it. I was sort of going with something small like a little box with two heart chocolates in it all done up with ribbon or something. I don't want anything too big just a token of my appreciation ya know?

On the weight front I am not doing too bad... I have 1.2 (as mentioned soooo many times he he he) but with not doing exercise I am sooo hoping that I lose that this week I really really want to be at the 35 kilos and when I do hubby is going to do something romantic. I told him it didn't have to cost money but something nice for me and him to do etc on a date night. I mean I don't care if it is get a cooked chicken and go to the river ya know.

Anyway I am having my lunch now... will update later.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

Weekend

Ok..

So my weekend has gone so bloody fast it is unbelievable and can't really say it was over the top wonderful but ya know.

Friday night I had Debbie over and we were putting paua shells on a clutch bag of hers... not sure why but she thought it was what needed to be done to match her hair and necklace for her brothers wedding... hmmmmm it wasn't really something I would do but it made her happy. Jeremy and I finally convinced her that wearing paua shell flat jandle sort of shoes just didn't go with the beautiful black flowy skirt (from precious vessels) and a lovely greeny top it just made a lovely wedding outfit look like she was going to the beach.... I think we convinced her of that so hey that was soooo good...

Satuday got up early as we had to be at the school hall to see what teams the boys are in for soccer. OMG I have to take them to practice each for each team and then they both have a game on a Saturday ARGGHHHH I am a serious soccer mum now he he he. While we were there this guy came up and gave me a hug and I didn't get too much of a chance to see who it was and then realised it was my ex boyfriend.... one of hubby's friends from school. I met him before I met Jeremy. It was nice seeing him again as we parted friends as the relationship shouldn't have happened when it did anyway. He is married with two kids and looking good and his son looks amazingly like him it is scary. It was good to catch up and Jeremy and him were chatting for ages.

Then we went shopping for soccer balls, boots, etc and also for some winter clothes for Corbin as he has gotten too big for the ones from last year. OMG I got the ones last year two sizes bigger too so that they should have lasted two seasons BUT OH NO THEY DON'T. Got my hubbies birthday present too of 3 Cd's and two pairs of jeans that he wanted.

We got home and hubby dyed my hair... which no one that night noticed btw. After dying my hair I went to my eyebrow appointment and OMG what a difference it makes to your eyes when you don't have a bush there he he he he... I felt really great.

The reason for doing my hair was because we were meeting 10 friends in town for dinner for Jeremy's birthday. I got showered and dressed and came downstairs where Jeremy's bro and girlfriend were and J's bro said "Wow you look fantastic" wow that took me back because he never usually says anything and to tell the truth I felt pretty fantastic too. I wore my black jeans, high heeled short boots (like yours Rachel he he he) and a black and white top that was quite frilly but very feminine and it had sort of a plunging neckline but not too bad that if I bent over anything would be seen... I am a little bit too reserved for that he he he.

We went and picked up Debbie and then met everyone at a Thai restaurant. Now non of the people there had met any of the other people so it was an interesting night but it was really talkative and we laughed a lot. Debbie and Tania met for the first time and I could tell that Tania didn't like Debbie too much and Debbie was being a little abnoxious too... which was strange. I don't know if it was because she was nervous or not but her and Tania clashed. By the end of the night I was about to strangle Debbie as she was contradicting everything I said and everytime I tried to ask someone a question she would answer for them. I think I will put it down to being nervous around people she didn't know.

Tania and Annabelle got on like a house on fire and I was so glad as Annabelle (soon to be sister in law I reckon) is such a nice person and to be honest Tania is my best friend and I know that she always says what she thinks it is a great friendship with no bullshit ya know.

The restaurant sucked....We got there at 7pm and it took 2 hours for us to get our entree's and then we got it at different times so the idea of sharing the entree's and mains didn't happen or half the food would have been cold. The spelling etc in the menu was sooooo bad... like one of them said "Beef with toasted" yeah beef with toasted what... which we found out beef on toast he he he and there were a lot more things he he he. I asked for a lemondade and the lady said that they were out of Lemonade... OMG what restaurant at 7pm on a busy Saturday night doesn't have Lemonade... The mains.... we got the rice 10 minutes before the mains and so the rice was cold. It didn't stop there though but I am not getting in to it. Even though all the food was sooooooo long to get to our table it was great to be able to chat with everyone and that was great.

After dinner was done we went down to a new pub in the next block that was a Russian pub and so we all had Vodka (we pronounced WODKA he he he) and clinked our glasses and drank up hmmmm warm is the word I leave to describe... then we went and played two games of pool... it was good. I went on the boys team or it wouldn't have been even and we won the first game and the girls won the second.

We then went to another pub that was full on Irish music and drinks etc and Debbie was making a play for the bar man that I got a little annoyed (in a funny way) and I ended up saying something to him (can't really remember) that he came over later on and gave us those glowing bracelets and we had fun teasing him and Debbie... so she got her thrills for the night it was nice seeing her happy. He wasn't bad but my brother in law said that he knows his brother and apparently the guy loves the teasing etc... so ya never know aye.

On the way back to the car park we got in the elevator and I was looking straight ahead and Debbie and Annabelle were laughing and I was thinking "what the hell are you laughing at" and then I looked next to Annabelle and there was Jeremy next to her....... and I was holding my brother in laws hand he he he he I thought it was Jeremy next to me and I was grabbing for his hand thinking OMG your hand is sooo cold tonight and it is usually really warm... OMG what a fright I got from that knowing that I was the one grabbing for the brother in law he he he.
Got up this morning and was over joyed when we realised we had an extra hour woohooooo.
Annabelle and Chris stayed the night so they didn't have to drive their long drive to their house and so we all sat in the lounge (on this miserable day weather wise) and watched James Bond... it was nice.

I went with Debbie around lunch time as she was begging me to go shoe shopping as she didn't know what to get for the wedding which turned out to be a waste of time because she doesn't like closed in toe shoes and she doesn't like heels and she doesn't like this or that OMG it was horrible and I even hate shoe shopping for myself...

I gave up in the end because she should just go in sneakers to the wedding and that way she wouldn't complain. I think she must have her TOM at the moment because she was even walking ahead of me and not even walking with me in the shopping mall. I think after the second shop I had had enough!!! she should have gone shopping by herself if she wasn't going to walk with me. It was making me angrier and angrier. I said to Jeremy when I got home that I would have rather have stayed with them and had fun then going shopping with someone that didn't want to associate with me while shopping. GRRRRRRR

When I got home we had a couple of good friends and kids turn up and it was a great afternoon as our kids put on a dancing show for us in the lounge and they were pretending to do break dancing.... OHHHH How cute that was. When they left Corbin, Quinn and I went for a bike ride... it was great I was sweating by the time I got back as we go a lot faster now that Quinn lost his training wheels.

I even got some more invites done for my sample book and I am sooo happy with them.
So that was my weekend and it went way way to fast...

Hope all your weekends went well.

Love Mandz

Comments

Chris H wrote:
Mar 19, 2007 at 10:47 AM
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Delete
Far out you had a busy weekend. Shame the restaurant was suckful! I hate it when you go out and it's a let-down like that ... that's probably why we always end up going to the same places, cos we know the service and food will be good.

Tracy wrote:
Mar 19, 2007 at 4:12 PM
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Delete
Sounds like a good weekend - what was with Debbie - I wonder if she is a bit jealous of your friendship with Tania???? The bit where you say she was contradicting you & answering the questions etc, sounds like she was "marking her territory". As for the shopping - that is just rude!!! Be careful, I would hate to see you get hurt. Have a good week anyway :-)

Chubbymum
Mar 19, 2007 at 4:19 PM
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Delete
Don't fear Tracy... I won't get hurt again and Debbie can be a nice person 'really she can!' but lately she has been really strange and I don't think she is anything like Kris.
I just wonder if she is unhappy that I have friends and we are not just like best exclusive friends some times. I don't want to have just one friend... I want lots of friends and it may have been a jealousy thing? Not sure. I did get soooo mad at the fact she didn't want to walk with me in the shopping mall though grrr...
There are a lot of good qualities about Debbie and I suppose when reading my blog I do bitch about her and I should say some nice things too as she is caring in other aspects. I don't really want to just bitch about her but I if I talk about it on my blog then I can get it off my chest and go about life as normal ya know?.
Mandz

Anne wrote:
Mar 19, 2007 at 5:33 PM
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Delete
Isn't great to get compliments!

Friendship

Mar 10, 2007 at 9:30 PM

Yes I do agree Lynise Good friends are hard to find... it isn't that I don't want Debbie as my friend. I do really... I do... but I am weary now after the trouble with Kris and I also have to be true to myself. It isn't that I don't want to be friends with Debbie but she treats us as best of friends when I only met her August last year and I am friends with her but she doesn't know what I have been through in my life and she doesn't know me like she thinks. I am just saying that after Kris I am weary not that I don't want her as a friend. Does this all make sense?

I think.. I back off when people get to the stage that I have to explain why I don't want to do things and it isn't because I haven't said it to her... she assumes things sometimes and it bugs me.

Like for instance she walks to weight watchers sometimes (which is great I reckon) and last week she said... I don't think I will walk home and I didn't answer and then another lady said well how are you getting home then? and Debbie said nothing and I left it for a moment and Debbie still didn't answer and I said "I suppose I am taking her home" then Debbie said "God you don't have to... I can call (the lady she boards with) to come and get me"... and I said "no I will take you".

Now it isn't that I mind taking her but if she doesn't think she can walk home then she shouldn't walk because it is 10 minutes out of my way and with a V6 car it gets bloody expensive and so that means it is 20 minutes before I get home and I miss saying good night to the boys. I know that sounds bad but sometimes I hate that she assumes that I will do something instead of asking... I would never do that!!! I would never assume that I can get a lift from someone and if I couldn't walk home then a simple please would be good ya know.

She phoned today to see if I wanted to go and get some beads as she was looking for them to decorate a handbag for a wedding.. but I couldn't go and I would have liked to but I was going to a wedding with Jeremy (hubby).

She does phone to see if I want to do things and that is sooo cool and sometimes I so so so want to go but I have already organised my day.

One of Jeremy's work mates was getting married for the second time and we were invited. It was a great afternoon and we enjoyed having drinks with his work mates and one in particular is a new woman that just started and we got on really well. It was a nice afternoon just relaxing and talking.... she has a two year old and talking about all the two year old things was quite funny... it was like listening about my youngest son they seem quite alike.

What beautiful weather and I had a tear in my eye because the brides son (21 year old) walked her down the isle and for the groom his son and daughter were his best men/woman. It was a really nice relaxing wedding.

I maybe ate too much though and shouldn't have but I think I am sabotaging myself in the last week or so... I think I get to the stage of getting to a certain weight lost and then sabotage myself.

I set myself the 5 kilos goals and then I get close and then I go back and forward like a yoyo.. I am not too sure why I do that? I have 1.4 kilos to go and I was there two weeks ago. Two weeks ago I was 121.1 then I gained 500grams and then I stayed the same and then last week lost.

I am not focussed and maybe it is because I am concentrating on my invite business but I don't want to give up that either. I want both the business and my weight loss to go smoothly... I have to work out a way that I can do that.

Thanks for my comments guys I really do read them and sometimes I think I should reply by a comment but it seems silly to reply to myself he he he.

Went to the library today too to get books on how to do the books for my little business. I don't like MYOB!!! it is such a stupid package... does anyone else use another package that might be good. I just want something simple and easy and not all the bells and whistles.

While I was at the wedding a lady asked me what I did and we got on the subject of invitations and she said that I need to give Jeremy some business cards to give to her husband and she will pass them around. She is sort of the age that has kids in their twenties.... so ya never know aye.
I am watching I,Robert at the moment, it is quite a good movie. I didn't want to go and watch it at the movies but I wish I did now it isn't as bad as I thought. I thought it was going to be really really spooky, show ya how wrong I could be.

Did I mention that I got my printer HE HE HE HE LOL

Good night everyone
Love Mandz

Comments

Anne wrote:
Mar 11, 2007 at 4:58 PM
I used to have MYOB but have now changed to Quickbooks which I really like.

Tracy wrote:
Mar 12, 2007 at 3:49 PM
Sounds like you have a knack for choosing "clingy" friends. I think it is rude just to expect you to give her a lift home. I think that she needs to just think a bit more, obviously you have a lot in common & enjoy each others company BUT your lives are different, as you say, she is single & can come & go & do as she pleases - you have a family with which goes huge responsibilities & obligations.

On another nore, I am glad you enjoyed the wedding.

Did you mention you had a new printer???? :-)

Keep writing

Mar 9, 2007 at 6:30 PM

I am trying to make an effort to write each day about what is happening because I do feel better when I let it all out.

I had an email from a lovely person yesterday that made me think! It was about Kris and she mentioned a couple of things and I have been thinking that in the last couple of weeks since the morning tea I have felt better about the situation and that I am happy with my decision not to get involved with her as a friend anymore. She also mentioned that maybe she thought I was afraid of her and I didn't think so when I read it but after some thought I have to agree I am scared of her. She turned my world upside down in a short period of time and if she had more access to my life and my feelings that she did then it could have been worse. It has changed my whole concept of trust!! I am not sure if I mean concept of trust or hmmmm... I am scared to trust people as much anymore for fear of it turning on me.

I am like that at the moment with Debbie.... and I know it frustrates her and I have explained the situation and another friend has to her as well... that I am taking it slow with friends because of the trust thing blowing up in my face with Kris... and I back off when I am feeling pressured... I quite often feel like Debbie pressures me in to doing something and I try and make an excuse to get out but the excuse has to be right with her and I have to explain why I am not going to do something or what I am doing instead and sometimes I just want to say NO because I don't want to do it. Why do I do it? I just want to say Oi back off you are being pushy but I don't... I just find excuse after excuse and end up backing out of the friendship.

Debbie and I are different... for one thing she is 8 years younger and is single and can do things by herself but I have a family and kids and a huge mortgage and I don't want to be doing half the things she does and to be quite honest I have done it and now I am on a different path in my life but I am not sure she gets that. I do like spending time with her but she isn't number one in my life my family is and I have explained this to her but I do still get the feeling that she thinks I am saying no because I don't like her etc which isn't really the case it is just I prioritise things differently from her because of my family.

I love spending time with my husband and my kids!!! I love just being and watching tv and knowing that I don't have to say anything to hubby and just be and it makes me happy. We are comfortable in each others pressence and I sometimes don't like it when people talk during shows on the tv etc because it just bugs me... and he knows that.

Wow I am rambling on tonight.

In a nutshell I like having Debbie as a friend but I have to find a way to balance it to let her know that it isn't that I don't like her but I don't want to spend every second day with her...
I haven't thought about it before and always thought I was an extrovert and sometimes I am around my friends but most of the time I prefer my own company and I like being in an office by myself... Maybe it is a Virgo thing?

Anyway....

I get my business cards on Tuesday (have I mentioned that before he he he) and I got my printer today WOOHOOOOO I got my printer today do a little dance, do a little dance. It is big and fast and does colour and black and white and when the kids are in bed tonight hubby and I are going to be doing some printing and I cannot wait.

Went to my PT session with Joy today and I did the following
15 minutes on the bike
15 minutes on the treadmill and every second minute running on the treadmill. I am feeling so much better than I did when I first started running and my knee has not been giving me trouble.
1500 metres on the rower
4 sets of 20 situps
4 sets of having a swiss ball between my legs and bringing my legs together so I use my thigh muscles OMG
4 sets 20 of rubber band on my ankles and doing leg raises and after that I felt the burn OMG on each leg
15 minutes on the cross trainer and every second minute she would put it up to level 5 for a minute then back down to level 1 OMG OMG my legs were so so so sore afterwards

But that is ok that she made me work hard because I over ate last night as we went out with our boys to a Mongolian Restaurant and I had to plates ARGHHHHH but it was yummy.

It was interesting talking to Joy today... she asked if I was still blogging and I said No straight out... I said No because I don't want any of them to know I am blogging and I certainly don't want Kris to know I am still blogging.

I said I do comment on peoples blogs because I love keeping in contact... she said "It is better that you don't have a blog and I am so happy that you don't anymore... look at the trouble that happened last time" I said "No it wasn't my blog that was the trouble it was Kris causing trouble that was the trouble and she just looked at me and said "yes I agree with that as well". She said you have improved since not blogging and I thought to myself a load of shit because I am still blogging and I am doing better now... I turned to her and said "I am doing better because I don't have Kris in my life anymore" and she said "yes I can see that too". It annoyed me because my blog is the best thing in my life... it gets things out and it makes me look at things and sort my life out. But that is ok because I now know that I don't tell anyone around me here about it and I need to be careful who I entrust with reading it but it is still for me and anyone that doesn't like what I write doesn't have to read anyway.

It was a good workout anyway but now I have to realise that I cannot talk about blogging and my life because it isn't worth the trouble when it is people at the gym and school... as long as I have my family and blogging then I am happy.

Got my printer today he he he did I mention it he he he

Went for my coffee with the school mums today (as it has been a fortnight woohoooo) it was good talking and the hour went so so so so fast but it was enjoyable. I am glad we started this.. there is 5 of us and we get on like a house on fire. We were talking about one of them's business that they are getting into as husband and wife and she is quitting her job and we talked about neighbours that are causing problems and about things other than kids once again it was marvellous... sat outside in the sunshine and had our coffee and frappes and I felt like the rich he he he not that I am by any means.

Anyway did I mention I got my new printer today he he he

Have a good night everyone

Comments

Lynise wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 6:54 PM
hi ya,
Hope everything smooths out with Debbie as good friends are such an added bonus in life and although you might not be at exactly the same place in your lives its great to come together with friends who care. One of my best friends is only 24 years old. I met her at my old work and dispite us being polar opposites we get along great and are able to have some great laughs together.
I guess alot of people may wonder what on earth we have in common as she is quite a bit younger then me, is from India, is Muslim, and is quite restricted in where her husband will allow her to go. (yes, you did read that right) but we get along great. I think friendship is about finding someone whose company you enjoy, and who you trust and respect. Each friendship will be unique as no other friendship will ever be the exact same mix. You definitely shouldn't have to make excuses as 'no I really don't feel like it' should be enough. (comes back the other person respecting your decisions.)
Hope your having a great day. Keep smiling.
PS: Just wondering when you are getting your printer, I havn't heard you mention it for a while. :-)

Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Wanting to be alone is definately a Virgo thing, I'm the same. Your friend Debbie, really should realise your family is numero uno in you life.Also, congrats on getting your new printer!!

Chris H wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Yes woman, you did mention you got your new printer.... WOOO HOOO... OK? As for friends, and the boundaries, you have to set them where you are comfortable.... I understand this 110%. I only have a very few close friends, the ones I know I can trust 10% with anything I tell them. And they are the ones that I can say "Piss of now, I want some peace" to and they don't take offense! They are few and far between mate.... Don't let Debbie badger you into anything you don't want, be it spending time with you, confiding in, etc. You have the right to do whatever the hell you like, you are in control of your life. As for Joy, she sounds like a friggin know it all, who will say whatever she thinks you want to hear....strange person. I wouldn't trust her, she sounds suss to me. Shit, I shouldn't be so condemming of someone I have never met ...... nasty me. Have a bloody wonderful weekend girl!

pink-elephants wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 11:08 PM
hey there my friend I just wondered has your printer arrive yet hehehe
u sound so up its great
blow the trainer and blogs I THINK BLOGGING IS GOOD as u said it wasn;t the blog that was the problem.
You said I would be losing because of my exercise girl u run rings around me i wouldn't be able to keep up with u your doing fantastic keep it up kiddo
Hugs

OMG the Kris saga keeps going!

Feb 22, 2007 at 6:16 PM

As you have all known I have been battling with this Kris saga and how anyone who says they are my friend would do such a thing... it is a suzy school thing to do.

Well I took the boys to school this morning and then came home and got in the car to go out to buy stationery to make some more invitation samples (feeling quite excited about it as I am a stationery aholic woohoooo he he he).. anyway back on the subject. I got a text from Kris and I sighed and my mum said "what is wrong" so I told her about the text. I have told her about all what Kris did and how she alienated my trainer Joy (which hasn't gotten back to normal either). So with all that I told her what Kris had written which is as follows:

Hi I knw this is a long shot but if u r free ths morning wld u let me buy u a coffee? I wld like 2 put the past behind us & move 4ward. I really do miss our friendship & I knw I hav sd & done sme hurtful things & I am sorry 4 tht if I cld change thngs I wld. Plse consider it. I am free till 11.30am.

Mum said that she has texted twice maybe it would be nice to go and see what she has to say and sort it out and to get it so that I don't have to afford her but not to get back as friends. To be quite honest I don't want to get back as friends. I don't mind be acqaintance but that is it for me.

So I texted her back with "I am not sure Kris. U caused so much crap 4 me and in the email u were happy about it. I miss some things but other things I certainly don't. My mum thinks I should have a coffee so I only half an hour."

She texted back " Thank u. I dnt blame u 4 being cautious u hav every right 2 b."

So we had morning tea and when I got out of my car she came over and OMG I didn't know what to do or say as I still had such hatred for this woman that in the past 3 months has caused my life to turn upside down. She gave me a hug and said that she missed our friendship and was glad that I came for a coffee..

I am not sure what I felt but pity for a woman that thrives on kaos.

Went in the coffee shop and she paid for a coffee (skinny one he he) and when she passed her card over she was shaking like fully shaking and when she tried to close her purse she was shaking and I said to her "what is wrong" she said that she will tell me soon.

So we sat down and I heard that she was sorry and bla bla bla I just felt like screaming at her. But I had to give her the benefit of the doubt at least she is saying sorry for all the crap but that doesn't excuse it ya know.

She said that yesterday she went to the doctors as a friend took her there and tried 4 doctors before getting in to the doctor... now I was sitting there thinking does she think this excuses everything? I didn't do this to her she did... The doctor said it was anxiety and has put her on antidepressents etc.

In the last couple of months she has alienated her mother and me and her family and other friends so something needed to be said that she needs to go and see a counsellor or someone.

I sound harsh don't I? I did talk to her and I was nice and in parts we smiled but I don't want to deal with all her emotional stuff anymore... I have enough crap in my own life to deal with let alone solving hers. I am happy that it can be left in the past now so I don't have to avoid her all the time but to be quite frank I don't trust her anymore. We left on a good note and she kept apologising and I said to her... I am not sure what to say to you Kris but thank you for the coffee.... I think I was unemotional about it in the end because I didn't feel anything anymore after finding out that she enjoyed giving false documents to my trainer and her trainer.

Which by the way she was telling me that her and my trainer have been texting a lot (now Kris always told me that she was jealous of the friendship between Joy and I) now I guess she has gotten what she wanted my trainer... anyway Joy said to her that I wouldn't answer the phone if she called and maybe I should take a morning tea over to my house and sort it out... I am pissed about that because I told Joy how I felt and she needed to keep her nose out of it. So I have made the decision that I am not telling Joy anything about my private life anymore and I am only doing the PT's with her as I get a lot out of them but that is it... I don't want to get in to that crap ever happening again and if I don't convide I don't have to hide.

I told my friend Tania and she thought I was a fool to go back into that crap and that I will get sucked in once again and I said to her that I just wanted all this to end but it didn't mean that I was back as her friend as I want to be able to trust my friends. She still said it quite to the point that she thought it was the wrong move considering she knows Kris.

I also phoned Debbie to see what she thought and OMG her and Tania could be the same person sometimes... they both haven't met each other but they are sooooo similar it is scary.

So that was my interesting morning.

So after the coffee with Kris I went out shopping for papers for doing my invitation samples woohoooo got to spend some money and on my favorite thing..... STATIONARY WOOHOOOO.
Did anyone watch bloody Biggest Loser at the end they basically told us in the commercial that the blue team lost OMG that really pissed me off!!!

I am rooting for the blue team as I like their attitude and I am rooting for Eric to win (he is like 400 pounds).... I don't mind the red team but that lady that made that other lady feel really bad last week I could have slapped her... Karma!!! what goes around comes around and what a bitch for telling her off in front of national television... if it was me I would have gotten rid of her because she isn't a team player.

Anyway on that note I am going to make invitations woohooooo
Love CM

Comments

Chris H wrote:
Feb 24, 2007 at 3:29 PM
Mandy.... remember that Kris is a chronic lier, what she said about your trainer could be a bloody lie to alienate you from your trainer again. Be careful of a wolf in sheep's clothing, do not trust her. She has shown herself to be a back stabbing bitch, and leopards DO NOT change their spots. She is just feeling sorry for HERSELF cos she had alienated so many people against herself.
I take my hat off my head to you for going to coffee, I would not have given her the satisfaction on being able to say "Mandy has forgiven me", cos I bet she uses that to her advantage somehow.
I hope you had a wonderful time shopping for stationary, I love it too.

Kateypie wrote:
Feb 24, 2007 at 9:31 PM
I hope you will post some photos of the invites! Exciting!

pink-elephants wrote:
Feb 25, 2007 at 9:36 AM
hi Mandy
hmmmm re Kris-I see she has posted a comment on my blog over night I need to go delete this. I think u did the right thing by going and seeing her in your mind now u know u r over her u felt nothing for her and u can get on with your life if she contacts u again just say no thanks and say hello if u pass in street as u would anyother stranger and this in reality is what she is strange. She was a big part of your life for a while but now that part is over u have gone differnet ways...like a lost love there are memories but it wouldn't be a good idea to go back there.
Hope u r having an awesome weekend big hugs from me
Felicity

Celtic Girl wrote:
Feb 25, 2007 at 9:15 PM
Mandz, I agree with Chris, dont trust the her, be very careful.I think she was trying for the sympathy vote from you re her "anxiety" problem which has all been created by her, so let her wallow in her own shit.

Not much to say

Jan 17, 2007 at 8:30 PM

I haven't got much to say but feel like I have to do a post or I will get lazy he he he

I felt more confident today because of my loss last night. 800 grams for me is fantastic.

Went to the gym tonight to my first Kick boxing class with Joy my personal trainer and I worked my butt off. Before I went I had decided that I was going to try things I haven't done before or moves that I have done the easy option to... so tonight I did the jogging instead of the walking fast on the spot and I did full star jumps FULL STAR JUMPS OMG instead of the one step sideways.

I made sure all the hand work was done at the same time and I pushed hard and didn't give in. I sometimes feel like I don't go that extra little mile... I get to the point where I am hurting and then I don't go that extra mile and push through it and after watching The Biggest Loser in the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about the program and then I go through that barrier.
I have not ever wanted it so bad as I have in the last couple of weeks.

I have 22.8 kilos to get under 100 kilos CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???? only 22.8 kilos... not 54.7 kilos like the start of my journey.

Sue... thanks for the offer I appreciate it and I will use it to (you know what I mean)... thank you!
Work was ok today got a little annoyed with the Manager of the centre I have my office in... how useless is she!!

OMG I was sooo sick of covering her backside the last 6 months since she took over (when she had been jointly doing the job for the first 6 months) and she never gives credit where credit is due that I took some problems that she caused in her office today while her boss was there (didn't know she was but I was leaving for the day) and said "you need to sort these out because I am tired of fixing the problems when I have constantly been telling you guys how to do it" I know it was harsh but OMG there is so much you can take and not get credit for before you crack... and today it was me.

I worked full time last week instead of 20 hours a week to fix all the stuff ups that she caused over the holiday break that I think I got to breaking point.

OMG I got flack from Debbie today about not telling her how much I had lost last night.. she made such a big deal with her boss that her boss turned around and said "do you think maybe she lost way more than you had that maybe she didn't want to make you feel small" I just smiled and walked away... realistically she knows that wouldn't happen but why would she be so upset that I didn't tell her....?? don't quite get it... I didn't tell anyone at work when they asked too so that she didn't feel it was just her.

I felt better about it though... I felt like finally this journey was mine and now for all to see... I don't mind on here because of the support and we are all happy for all of our losses... but I feel quilty everytime I tell someone as the meeting how much I had lost because it is never a lot.... I don't want the quilt I want to feel proud of my accomplishments.

WHEW it feels good to just get it off my chest.... and talk talk talk... isn't this the way it is supposed to be? I feel like a journal is my way of getting it off my chest and working on it and not bottling it up inside.

OHHHH I am sore!! sore sore in my arms tonight after class.

Off tomorrow... got a PT with Joy and I am going to treat myself and get my nails done to feel good about myself.

I am going to my uncles funeral on Friday and I haven't seen most of the people that are coming in a couple of years as they live a long way away and hopefully someone will notice the difference in me... not that they are there for that but sometimes it is nice to talk about something else... It is bringing back a lot of upset moments for me at the moment and especially about my Dad. I so know what my cousin is going through at the moment and I hope to God that she has spent as much time with her Dad before he died because you can never get the time back.....

Anyway I have rambled on too much now.

Love Chubbymum

Comments

Rachel's World wrote:
Jan 18, 2007 at 2:48 PM
[this is good]Good on you for saying something at work, if you don't nobody else is going to ay?

Celtic Girl wrote:
Jan 18, 2007 at 2:56 PM
Congrats on your loss, yourve been working hard and you deserve it. Also a big Hug, I hate funerals to as they always bring back sad memories for me, try and remember the good times hun. Chin up

Hippygal wrote:
Jan 18, 2007 at 7:50 PM
Sorry to hear about your Uncle. But congrats on your loss :):).You will get there.Jaxx

Lee wrote:
Jan 18, 2007 at 9:45 PM
Sorry to hear of your loss.
You are doing so well:)
I have started reading Dr Phil 7 keys - what was the addy for the group you wrote to me about?

Anne wrote:
Jan 19, 2007 at 9:24 AM
Great loss - well done! You aer sounding so positive! Good on you for saying your thoughts at work. Had to be done/

fortysumthing wrote:
Jan 22, 2007 at 4:42 PM
[this is good]
Hey girl
You sound great. I finally caught up with your blog. I love it. You sound so happy and things are working out well . Will email you later. Take care. And happy new year!!!!

Rachel's World wrote:
Jan 23, 2007 at 11:17 AM
Hello in there...........is there anyone home?????????

Lee wrote:
Jan 24, 2007 at 11:44 AM
Just checking in to see how you are going!!

Promised myself and UPDATE

Jan 16, 2007 at 11:38 AM

I promised myself that when I started this blog I am going to put happy things and things that are going in my head making me mad or sad or angry because I am not going to hold back anymore.... as I want to learn from my grumpyness, bitcheness, happiness etc and I love the feedback to help me grow (or shrink he he).

I get so frustrated when people I know lose more!! Not that I am not happy for them... I NEED TO STATE THAT because I love them dearly and wish them well in their journey and I am talking about Debbie in this situation. It is just that I try so hard to keep with things and do my exercise and change habits and when I only lose little amounts I start to wonder if I am doing the wrong thing somewhere? I just don't get how I am being consistant and all in moderation and things don't go as planned... and I am soooo not saying that it is someone elses fault because it is mine if I am not losing the weight and no one can take that he he he... just frustrating you know.
Maybe I am counting my exercise points wrong? or something.

I might not be varied enough in my food and not using all the food groups but then when I was being strict with myself then I wasn't losing any and I was plateauing so I am not getting myself so confused and upset about it.

I think I will lose weight tonight and I am expecting about 500 grams but secretly (and don't tell me any of you don't think the same way) but I want a kilo or 2... 2 would be fantastic. But never do I lose that much.

I didn't do the superstart menu this week but have said to hubby that I might try it the week after next week and see how I go (as that is our shopping day) because I want to boost things as I want to get to 119 by end of February so that is 600 grams a week!!! I have to do this
I want to get to 100 kilos by the end of the year I am sick of fucking around...

I sort of did a calculation on where I would be if I lost 600, 700, 800, 900 grams a week so I could see what would happen... When I first started WW I did this every week and calculated when I would get somewhere and it worked until I stopped doing it so maybe it focusses me on the job at hand. So....

• If I lose 600 grams a week I will be at 99 kilos by 9 October 2007
• If I lose 700 grams a week I will be at 99 kilos by 4 September 2007 (a couple of days before my birthday)
• If I lose 800 grams a week I will be at 99 kilos by 7 August 2007
• If I lose 900 grams a week I will be at 99 kilos by 17 July 2007
• If I lose a kilo a week I will be at 99 kilos by 26 June 2007

(Now the last two for me is unrealistic but I think the 600 grams to 800 grams could be realistic for me, and I think I am aiming for around the 700 grams a week to get to 99 kilos by my birthday).

So we shall see what happens with the weigh in tonight... for tomorrow we target getting to the 99 kilos he he he

Food today so far
Breakfast: 3 Weetbix, Milk, banana
Snacks: 10 Rice Crackers, 1 peach
Lunch: Roast beef salad sandwich
Dinner: Spare Ribs, mashed potatoe, peas, carrots
Water: 750mls x1
Exercise: Went for walk to get milk at the supermarket (even though day off exercise he he he)

UPDATE:
I lost 800 grams... so I am well on my way to get to the 99 kilos... I am happy with the loss.
So if I can be consistant with the 800 grams then I could be down to 99 kilos by August so I would be more than happy with that. I have to be consistant because I can do this.
Debbie lost 2.5 kilos OMG I wish!! I am soooo happy for her as she must have worked her butt off to lose that amount in a week.

But I had decided before I went there I wasn't going to say what my weight loss was anymore because in my mind I make it a competition. She wasn't happy about it at all but I wasn't doing it to make her mad I was doing it to stop me having a competition with her as I didn't want to ruin the friendship... but she managed to tell me her weight loss anyway so I would know which kind of pissed me off as I want to enjoy the going together and helping each other without it meaning that either of us felt bad.

I know that you all probably don't understand why I am so upset about it but it is because I want to do so well and I don't want it to be about anyone else but me but with my competitive streak.... I hate not losing as much and I don't want to feel that! I want to happy going and doing the exercise with Debbie and going out shopping and working with each other and feeling like we are both doing it for ourselves. Not a competition with numbers as it does my head it..

So another 800 next week and I am well on my way. 2.8 kilos to go till I reach the teens woohoooo,

Love ya
Chubbymum

Comments

Rachel's World wrote:
Jan 16, 2007 at 12:03 PM
I reckon keeping a running total of where you will be if you lose 'this or that' each week is a fantastic idea. I also do it and find that it just gives me that extra little incentive each week. I have given myself a total of 400 - 600 per week which I hope isn't too unrealistic.
I have weigh in tonight too, can't wait to see how we both go.
Don't worry about feeling guilty because you get a bit upset when someone else is doing better (or losing more) as it is NORMAL. They just have a different body makeup which really sux for us but whaddya do?

Celtic Girl wrote:
Jan 16, 2007 at 3:14 PM
HUGS,HUGS HUGS.. Yes we ALL get disappointed an think we can do better at the weigh ins. Try not to compare yourself with Debbie, everybody is different, for all you know she could be eating lettuce leaves all the time!! lol. Focus on where you have come from and where you are now - A MARVELOUS ACHIEVMENT.

Chris H wrote:
Jan 16, 2007 at 6:29 PM
My only suggestion is to drop some carbs, if you are having 5 servings a day, go to only 3. I still think you are plateauing, and need to change a few more things around, then the weight might move. Good on you for not having unrealistic goals too, it is self defeating to have unrealistic expectations, cos they backfire on us.

Sue wrote:
Jan 17, 2007 at 8:16 AM
800 - way to go.

You asked about turkey. I buy the frozen Tegel roasts (not the stuffed ones!). These are boneless and in a roll, so once you cook it it's easy to use. One of them does about five or six lunches (depending on whether or not I'm making Mark's lunch as well - I give him more meat than I have).

Feather wrote:
Jan 17, 2007 at 2:22 PM
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this! I think we all feel like this at one time or another. It's so frustrating to work so hard and see someone else do it faster. I know it's hard to think of it like this but just remember that you have changed your life, you are fit and meeting goals. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS!!! it's such a hard thing to do, food is around all the time, it's not like smoking you can quit and limit interaction with smokers or you quit drinking and stop going to a bar or stop bying alcohol. But it is just as strong as an addiction, and you have to deal with it day in and day out.
Keep working, we will get there together!!

Tracy wrote:
Jan 26, 2007 at 4:16 PM
[this is good]
Hiya. Well done on the 800g loss!!! I know how you feel about others doing better, I guess it is the downside of having someone do it with you. My friend has done really well & is below goal but I get annoyed when we go to weigh in & she goes on about how bad she has been & is going to put on etc etc - lo & behold - Nope lost again & turns out all she did was have a glass of wine or a handful of chips. You are doing so well, look at how much you have lost so far!!
Have a great weekend.

First Weigh In for Year

Jan 9, 2007 at 9:09 PM

My first weigh in for the year tonight.

I am pretty happy with it considering I set myself a limit of 2 kilo gain. I didn't want to gain but if I did then anything under 2 kilos is ok.

So I gained 1.7 kilos taking me to 123.5 OUCH but I am still over my 30 kilos lost so that is fanbloodytastic.

Debbie went with me tonight for her first night and she gained 3.3 kilos OMG she was pissed!! She knew she was going to gain but 3.3 just killed her.

To be quite honest she could loose that in a week or 3 where as if I gained that much it would take me months because I only lose an average of 500 grams a week.... so didn't feel too much sympathy for her tonight.. I know that sounds harsh but I get sooo frustrated when she can lose so much when we do exactly the same thing in exercise and food... and that is making me sound like a bitch!

I am not trying to sound like a bitch but I hate the way I really try and I get minimal and that isn't against Debbie at all as I adore her as my friend and love spending time with her just that I get frustrated as I try just as hard or even more and I can imagine you all have been in the same situation. It is so not against her as a person...it has taken me 2 years to lose 33 kilos and it took her 16 weeks to lose 15 kilos so I get a little frustrated even though she totally deserved to lose the weight!! TOTALLY.

Work today drove me insane and I worked from 7.30am to 5pm tonight as well as yesterday and I usually finish at 2.30 as idiots interferred with my job and now I am fixing the errors for about 400 children GOD that pisses me off! No communication just they decided to do something without consulting... I should make them sort out the problem but in the end they might stuff it up more than it is worth. I suppose I am getting overtime paid so hey!

I am getting SOOOOO much out of the Biggest Loser that is on everynight at the moment. It is motivating me like you wouldn't believe... wish things like that would be on more instead of all the crap on at the moment.

So my goal:::::::
By the end of February I want to be at 119 kilos!! I want to be out of the 120's FOREVER!!!!!!
So that is 3.6 in 7 weeks so that is 500 grams a week and if I lose more than 500 grams then that is a bonus.
I am going to do this!!
I am back to being FEISTY!!!

Good night everyone
LoveCM

Comments

Rachel's wrote:
Jan 10, 2007 at 9:07 AM
1.7kgs is under your 2kgs you gave yourself over Xmas so GOOD GIRL.........LOL

That certainly is 2 long days at work for the start of a new year, I tried to sneak off early to go to the gym on Monday and got snapped by the Director (the big boy) of the bloody company.............typical!!!!
Oh well, at least it was for a good cause....hahaha.

I am also loving the Biggest Loser, what a hoot. I have missed a couple unfortunately but Mum has already seen it in Oz, so she is filling me in. Don't ya just wish someone would come and take us away to do the same thing and then we could just get on with living a happy, normal life?
Isn't Bob a lot shittier in this series? I always thought he was Mr Nice Guy and Jillian was the bitch but Bob hasn't been his lovely self this time.

Janine wrote:
Jan 10, 2007 at 10:51 AM
[this is good]
Hey L,
Nice to read that you are motivated and going to kick butt this year. I always admre how much exercise you get in, youa re a gym machine.
Janine

Fat Queen wrote:
Jan 10, 2007 at 5:00 PM
Nothing wrong with being feisty! MOTIVATED is good :) Sorry your day at work was a hassle, but I guess that's why they CALL it work ;) Baby steps -- and NO comparing -- work at your OWN pace. Everyone's metabolism works differently...

Lee wrote:
Jan 11, 2007 at 1:45 AM
Is biggest loser on there already???...I can't wait till it starts here!!

Hippygal wrote:
Jan 11, 2007 at 8:01 AM
Very doable goals - I feel a bit guilty, because I am like Debbie, if I stick to the points properly and exercise 3-4 times a week, I can lose 1 kilo a week on average. I suppose I should count myself as lucky in that respect.

Chris H wrote:
Jan 11, 2007 at 10:46 AM
I know how you must be feeling about the slow loss, but remember, a loss is just that, A LOSS. I am sure you can get outta the 120's, so go for it. I have been thinking.... maybe in order to lose faster you need to try changing something in your routine... like change what you are eating, when you are eating it, have your main meal at lunchtime, don't eat a thing after say... 7pm, do a different exercise (our bodies get used to what we do all the time), try dropping the carbs a bit more, CHANGE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.... and maybe that will help. It has for me and heaps of others.... good luck!

Celtic Girl wrote:
Jan 11, 2007 at 2:48 PM
You'll get to the teens, I know you will. You have the drive to accomplish anything you want to.

Ngatea Water Gardens

Jan 5, 2007 at 9:41 PM

Hey!!!

I had a full on day yesterday and totally enjoyed it!

Maybe that is my New Year's Resolution to get out and go for it no matter what it is we only have one life to live so let's live it.

Got up had breakfast (in bed I might add from hubby he he he) then phoned MIL and we all went to Ngatea Water Gardens and it was a lot of fun. They have jokes all the way around the gardens and the kids get to do a quiz along the way so that they keep occupied.

What a beautiful place it is and they have so many funny things as you can see in the photo below. They have bird houses with sky digital on the top and a sign on it saying "For Lease". Sign saying Caution Falling rocks and then some gumboots under a rock. Also a gate saying please keep closed and there is only a gate and nothing else he he he. The flowers were georgeous and the whole place was enjoyed by all of us. The plague that said Do Not Stand Here was so funny. My oldest decided to stand on it and he got soaking wet he he he he too funny he should have done what it said he he he.

We then went out for lunch and I had a panini with mushrooms and bacon and really really enjoyed that.

Celtic girl in response to your comment yes I am feeling much happier and to be honest I shouldn't have told Kris about my blog because seeing her so much at my son's school and gym I couldn't talk on my blog anymore.

After driving there (which took an hour each way) we got home and went swimming with Debbie. Debbie and I swam lengths and the boys played (with my hubby) in the kids pool. I did 40 lengths but Debbie decided after 28 that she would go and play with the boys. I didn't swim the whole 40 as 15 of them I aqua jogged back and forth... it felt good and felt like I had achieved something. OMG it is sooo hard to swim after not doing it for years. I found doing the freestyle that I didn't want to put my face down in the water as I was always out of breath... I am sure I will get better and I am determined to go every Thursday night with Debbie and get my heart pumping. I have to get out of my square and the gym is good and I am not going to give up but I think I need to try something different.

Food is my problem!! How do I sort it out?

I am going to make sure I point every day but I am wanting bad food so much in these holidays and no matter how much exercise I do won't help me at all if I don't get it under control.
I suppose when I get back to work things will get back to normal.

I am really trying with the water and when I go for my hour walk every day I am trying my hardest to make sure I am sweating enough so that I am working hard... hmmmm it is going to happen I just have to keep to my points and stop being so bad and convincing myself that I need to eat more when I don't need to eat anymore at all. I do feel it is all in my head.

Hubby took me out for lunch today to an Italian Cafe and we enjoyed our time away from the kids. We went to find out about doing a Life Coach Diploma but when we got there the guy that answered the door said he was there to paint and they wouldn't be back until the 16th January so I suppose I have to wait till then.

I have really thought about my future in these past holidays. I have wanted to do training as a Life Coach for about a year now and have been too chicken to go for it because of money and because of part of it I have to be interviewed to get in to the course and I think I was thinking that because I am big that they wouldn't accept me because if I can't loose weight how can I help others in their life choices.... but then I have two years part time study to do before I will be coaching anyone and I want to specialise in helping people with weight issues and that is what I am going to concentrate on. I know that there is more to losing weight than just eating and exercising and some skinny people don't know about the head stuff that goes on and I want to help as many people in my situation as possible.

So when I lose the weight by the time I finish my 2 year studies then I WILL be in a position to help others just like I wished I had had from someone.

I want to do this!! I hope that I am not too late to get in to the course because after much thought I know I want to do this.

Anyway... tired and need to get some sleep
Love CM

Comments

janene wrote:
Jan 5, 2007 at 9:55 PM
Hey girl, you definately should go for it with the Life Coach training. Even if you start off with one paper (or module or whatever), you can at least dip your toes in the water (so to speak), and see if it is really what you want to do. From the little I know about Life Coaching there's more to it than just coaching people who are overweight, so you shouldn't let that stop you, not for one second!! For ages I was put off midwifery because I thought I would be turned down because of the "health screening" tests, which I was assumed was weight/fitness related, but it turns out it's just bloodtests for diseases that you don't want to pass onto patients and immunization levels. Anyway, I think you get what I mean. Just GO FOR IT! And doing the studies yourself will no doubt help you in your own journey... and you can use us as guinea pigs hehehe :)
*hugs*

Fat Queen wrote:
Jan 6, 2007 at 4:22 AM
I love the photos! It looks like you had a wonderful time -- you're looking FAB-U-Lous and the boys are getting soooooooooooooo big!! They grow so fast, don't they?
Love the Diet utensils. Made me laugh :)
To answer your question -- I never HAD a partner. I just did it myself. I don't know how I stayed focused... I guess it was my MISSION or something. Now Mom/I are working together and that seems to work well. She's got arthritis and the docs told her it would be good for her to do water therapy -- so we go together!
From what I understand from my Physical Therapist and trainers, a day of rest is good. Just so that you don't let it be too many days in a row -- then you're outta sync. Or don't want to continue. I try to schedule everything in my life -- including days of rest :)

Lynise wrote:
Jan 6, 2007 at 10:49 PM
Ohhhh,,, I love Ngatea Water Gardens. (as most garden freaks probably do) Its such a well established garden and I also love all those funny quirky little things they have included in the design. I was actually suppose to have that venue for my wedding reception but here we are,, still not married and know that I won't be. (thats another long story, I should blog about it sometime soon) Roger, the guy that made the gardens gave me a lot of tips when I was setting up our garden.
Know what you mean about the food. Since my wisdom tooth infection, (and stitches) have all finally healed up I seem to be inhaling enough food to feed a small nation. I am certainly making up for not eating over Christmas/New Years. (grrrrrrr, at myself). I HAVE to get back on track.
Ciao for now

Celtic Girl wrote:
Jan 8, 2007 at 4:05 PM
This place look really pretty from your pictures. You also look so happy and vibrant.