Monday, 31 October 2005


Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate it.

I think it is just one of those slumps and this week coming I am going to get my backside into order!

I agree with all your comments and this should be a challenge against myself and now I am going to get to it and do that again because it was working before!

I have had such a full on day today. I drove my son to school this morning and I went over the judder bars at the school and OMG my back was killing me and I thought that I would be staying at home all day again and it was driving me insane. My friend Tanya phoned and said to come over. I said that I didn’t want to be sitting on the breakfast bar chairs…. As my back was sore and while I was over there we decided that we would go into the wedding invitation business and went out and got some papers and with my laptop in toe we made up 3 sets of invitations and we still have so many ideas to come.

We did a really nice silver and charcoal sort of blue with paua shell on them. It looks sooooo cool.

We just had so much fun and I had enough pain killers to get me through he he he

In answer to some of your questions we are going to stay with a friends in Melbourne, Kingsville somewhere… I have never been to Melbourne before so it should be quite interesting. I have been researching on the internet as to what the city is like and OMG it is bigger than I thought it was so it will be good I can imagine.

Good night everyone… I am sick of sitting up and I am going to bed as it is almost 10.30pm.

Love ya all

Sunday, 30 October 2005

Depression thrusts it's ugly head.

Hey everyone…

I haven’t posted in a couple of days because I have been on this depressed journey. I didn’t want to be on this route that is for sure but I have been thinking about things and how I want my life.

I must admit this week has been a nightmare (food wise) and I cannot change that. I have this feeling that it is because I need a holiday. I haven’t been on a holiday in such a long time and with working in a new work place since July I haven’t had any holidays anyway. I am getting quite comfy in my new job and I think I am finally enjoying it and the reason is… is because the people are so nice.

Woke up this morning and phoned Kris to get her to go to the gym with me. It was 8.45am and I wanted to get the gym over and done with. I didn’t do as much as I usually do at the gym and Kris was CERTAINLY not in the mood for doing any exercise today lol she was sitting on the floor next to my rowing machine and saying she was just going to sit and watch me…. Hmmm I had news for her.. I said to one of the girls doing exercise next to us “help me” she soon got Kris up and doing 2 minutes on the rowing machine he he he he.

I was quite full on today at the gym since I won’t be going for a couple of weeks while I am away in Melbourne. So I wanted to really concentrate on my muscles and also spent 20 minutes on the bike and 10 minutes on the rower.. We finished and then went down to have a spa and I pulled a back muscle while getting changed into my togs for the spa pool. OMG OMG OMG I was just so angry because I didn’t want to be up with a bad back while on holiday and that was all that was going through my mind when I shouted to Kris in the changing room next to me. “Kris I have put my back out I am going home” OMG OMG it was painful. I got home and I just started crying like a bloody baby to my husband and that was 10.40am. He gave me some Voltaren, Panadol and made me lay down on the couch so that is all I have been doing until now. OMG am I bored or what!!

I am sooo pissed that I won’t lose anything this week. I was getting so close to Kris! It has taken since July and I was 6 kilos until I could lose the same amount as her and I had 900 grams to go but now it is 1.3 kilos GRRRRR but I will do it! I will catch up or even stay even because this holiday is not going to stop me getting to where I want to be. I have 10 weeks for me to get to my overall loss in one year and I want it to be over 25 kilos! I don’t think it will be 30 kilos but I do want it to be 25 or a little over. I have to achieve this!!! I want to achieve this. I am up to 21.5 kilos now 3.5 to get to the 25 kilos and by Xmas I think that is achievable…

I sit back and look at some of the people that have lost more than that in a year… is it right? Losing that much to me, seems like... it would be too much to cope with all at once. It is a hell of a lot to lose in one year… I mean some of them were like losing 60 kilos in one year. Do they have a life? I have 31 kilos to get to 100 kilos… woohooooo that seems so much closer now.

My mind has to wake up sometimes.. I don’t know if anyone else feels it. Like when I first started my mind didn’t think past 5 kilos and to be quite honest I didn’t think I would get past 5 kilos and then it was 10 kilos and then 15 and it seemed like an eternity to get to the 20 kilos and now I am yo-yoing just on the 130’s and I want to be a 120’s girl but I am sabotaging myself… WHY? I don’t know WHY? I can’t understand it. I have tried and tried and tried to be so positive through this journey but right now I feel in a hole! Is it because Kris has started again? I don’t think so… but I think I feel like the challenge of getting 900 grams and then she lost (which is fantastic btw that she lost for her sake don’t get me wrong) but it feels like my challenge is slipping away and it just feels like it isn’t achievable anymore.

Anyway I have spent Wednesday after school at Tania’s (friend from weight watchers) and Thursday where we stayed for dinner and then she invited us over on Saturday for dinner as well and it was great to go out and do the grown up thing and have dinner at someone else’s place for a change. It has felt better in the last couple of weeks being around her because the gap between us (in regards to the weight loss we have already lost) is getting smaller. It feels like there isn’t this difference anymore and it feels bloody fantastic. I hate having people think I am bigger and treat me like I don’t know anything about losing weight. I have 9 kilos to go to catch up to what she has lost and it is going to be fantastic to be able to reach that.

I haven’t given up!! I think I have just been in a lull. With my back out I just don’t know what I am going to do! I can’t do my kick boxing tomorrow. I wish I had my bike already so that I could go for a bike ride tomorrow. When I get my bike for Xmas it is going to be just fantastic…. Because I know that I earned to be on that bike… I have had the bike up on my Header (look up) for Chubbymum for a couple of months now and I am finally going to get it. It was supposed to be when I lost 50 kilos but I want to spend this summer riding with my boys. I still wonder if I am going to have some nasty a-holes comment on my big fat backside on it but then I think…. I want this… I am going to do this and I am going to lose the weight no matter what others think. I do think that I will be going on the back streets for a while and not on the main streets.

It is 5.30pm and I decided to sit up for a while as it was driving me insane and hubby got my laptop so I could sit here and write up my entry. But it is getting to be a little too much now and I am going to go and lay down again.

God have I written a lot tonight.
I haven’t proof read it so sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense.

Love Chubbymum

Thursday, 27 October 2005

I have been slack as!!!

I have been slack since Tuesday!

I don’t know what it is! I have been so good for 10 months and in the last couple of days it feels like I have given up.

I don’t care about food! I don’t care about tracking! I am not sure why I am feeling like this. I am feeling like I have had enough of all this weight loss. I know I am not going to give up but in the last couple of days I just want to SCREAM!!!

I have a sore knee and I think it is from the over pushing of the exercise. I have a major sore throat like I have tonsillitis coming on ARGGHHHHH just before my holiday.

Had a great day other than that. I went to work and everything was just the same. Food wasn’t that bad but I think I ate too much overall. But not bad stuff.

Just thought I would put in a congrad’s to Kris for losing 400 grams today well done.

Went over to a friends place this afternoon (the same one with the paddling pool yesterday) and we did the same thing but decided that we would have a BBQ as well and it was so relaxing and fun and we were home by 8.15 so we could put the boys in bed. The 5 kids just get on so well and it was nice to see.

I don’t want to have tonsillitis. I don’t want to be ill before or during my holiday… OMG I hate having tonsillitis and I am feeling quite down in the dumps that I am not going to write anymore.

Love ya all. Sorry for the grouchiness

Wednesday, 26 October 2005


My morning started off a bit sad because I didn't get enough sleep I think. Also my ankle and my knee were swollen this morning. I think I have overdone it! I haven't had that since I was pregnant with my boys. I decided this morning that I wasn't going to the kickboxing class tonight that I would give my knee a rest.

Work was ok today.

After I picked up Corbin from school I came home and got a phone call from Tania to come over and jump in the paddling pool to cool down. So Corbin and I did!! It was a really nice relaxing afternoon. We had a rum and coke and the kids had enough after a while.... and they left Tanya and I in the pool relaxing wohoooo.

Only 1 week and 5 days till our holiday... OMG I cannot wait.

I think I might go to bed early and read a book tonight. I would like to get back into reading again.


Tuesday, 25 October 2005

Weigh in today!

My morning started off well.....

I felt fat this morning.. I felt to the gym at 9am and felt like OMG the trainer is always late! But we did the bike and then the rower and stairs and the fluid cycle... it was great. Before we started I showed our trainer my January face photo compaired to my September face photo and she was amazed... it made me feel good. I look at them and can't really see a difference apart from the fact that I am smiling in the September one. So she showed it to another trainer and they said they wanted to put it up to show everyone. OMG I was feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest... nervous. But said Ok.

They put it on the board just as you go into the class.... SHAME. Well after the toning class came out some of the ladies came over to say how great it was and I felt really weird.. I don't know if I like hearing compliments like that. I felt like my face was going all red!!! but in a way it was a nice boost for me and was happy once it happened because I sometimes feel like I am being judged when I am in the gym... like hmmm like "oh my god you are big girl what took you so long to do this" and like they are looking at me like I have only just started coming to the gym when I haven't. I want people to know the changes sometimes because I do feel like I am putting in some hard work. It might not look like it because I do have a lot to lose but I have lost 21.5 kilos.

(((((OHHHH YEAH forgot to tell you I went in for my weigh in and I gained 300grams... but that is ok because I have my monthly and I am not too worried because all the hard work I have put in this week will show up next week!.))))) I always gain on my monthly week.

Anyway back to the gym. I had to throw the dice again for the snakes and ladders challenge on at the gym and bloody hell if I didn't get another challenge... geesh I have thrown the dice 5 times and had a challenge 4 times now grrrr.. So I did 100 crunches and 20 girly push ups grrrr.

Kris suggested we did a challenge today and I agree!! I just want us to do it together and actually finish it.. but I want to finish it to know that I have achieved something. So we are going to work out something so that we can do this....

I went out to lunch with some old work mates and it was a good time.

Went back to my old work and I haven't seen them since I had lost 15 kilos and they were just saying so many compliments on how good I was looking and happy that it was a real big boost for me. It feels like a real boost and that I am feeling more confident in myself and I want to achieve things.

The last thing I have to say is THANKS Kris for being my gym buddy and my friend and for going on this journey!! It wouldn't be as much fun without you.

Bye bye

Monday, 24 October 2005

Full on day again!! OMG addicted

I think I must be addicted to this thing called EXERCISE!!! Arghhhh now who would of ever thought. Anyone that has known me for years KNOWS that the E word was a bad word he he he but today... we went for a 2 hour walk with the kids and then played Frisbee with the kids at the lake.

It was a great walk but was it ever hot!!! I think that I am feeling a little over sunned today he he he but face is feeling hot and I am feeling like I overdid the exercise. It was great to have a family day and to go out with the kids. They were on their scooter and bike and we walked! There were so many people out with their kids today and we laughed so much.

I feel pumped!!

Just got off the phone with Kris and I just want to get through to her!! The girl is doing SOOOO well with the exercise she is just an inspiration...but is falling through with the food (sorry Kris) but I was wondering if you guys could help me as I really like my new friend Kris!!! I want to support her and get her through this... Kris is funny and friendly and supportive with me and I want to show her that she can do this!! and that she should have some faith in herself and just go for it... because like I said a couple of posts ago "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I said to her on the phone that I was going to post 900 grams 900 grams 900 grams... because there is only 900 grams now between us (in losses not in weight he he).

I am only saying this in here because sometimes when I say things they don't come across right when saying it to her... I see Kris coming out of her shell when she loses weight and when she is going to the gym. It is great and I would love to go this journey with her too, even if I am 25 kilos heavier than her.

So how can I help my friend... and I know the old saying that "you can't make someone do something they aren't ready for" I reakon she is and if you asked her she would say she is too!! Just... oh I don't know.. maybe I am being harsh? We had a contract with each other that I would drink 2 litres a day and she would keep away from the takeaway but she lasted only a week and a half... I am still going!!! Because I don't want to break the contract.... and 25 kilos here I come and 900 grams to get to her loss HERE I COME!!! (now that wasn't being nasty that was me teasing Kris as I have said it over the phone).

I have my weigh in tomorrow and I also have my bloody period!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR so I will gain tomorrow and that sucks to the max as I don't want to gain... I have 900 grams to get to Kris's loss he he he

KRIS love ya girl!

So come on ladies and gents send me some comments on how I can help my friend!! and me too!!

Love Chubbymum

Sunday, 23 October 2005

OMG Sore Sore Sore Sore Sore

OMG what a day and it went reallllllly fast.

I woke up at 8am this morning and rang Kris to say come on let's go to the gym. She said she was still in bed... and I wasn't he he he he. She said her step brother from Auckland was down and I said bring him along.

So I picked them up and went to the gym........ well!!!! well!!! is all I can say this guy almost killed us he he he he. He got us into a program! He is a gym instructor up in Auckland and how I understood it he does one on one training... so he worked our little backsides off.

Up and down the flights of stairs and running back up the stairs. He showed us pilate moves (ARGHHHHHH) and showed us how to use the machines properly where it was making the right muscles move. I was so sore doing it but I was pushing myself to the limit. Kris was complaining it was sore all the way through he he he he and egging him on... but she was ok.

We did stepper steps and squats in a funny way he he he where you had a medicine ball (8 kgs) and had to do squats with your backside sticking out. We did the bike and rower (wohooo he got Kris back on the rower). I wish that he would do a weekly program for us and email it down.. I tell you it made us work so hard! The hour went so fast but my thighs were in agony by the time that the last stair climb happened and he made me go faster OMG.

After I had dropped them off I came home and had a shower and it was time for them to come over and my friend Aroha & Danny and their kids from Wellington turned up too for a BBQ.

It was a fantastic day weather wise (we had to have sunblock on). Had the chairs and umbrealla's up and the adult swing.

We had a BBQ and played swing ball (boy that hurt after all the muscles we used this morning) I bed Kris on the swingball and we couldn't stop laughing. We also had a couple of games of petanque, boys against girls and it was really good.

The thing is is that there was 16 of us in all and the there was 8 kids and they played so well together. It was the first time ever that I have had friends over and I didn't fear the kids were going to get into everything. I was relaxed the whole day and it was a pity that they left in a way but I think everyone was getting tired. I am so glad that I had my two good friends and their families over today! It was really good.


On top of all the exercise in the morning and the full on day...... hubby, me, and the two boys went for a 40 minutes walk with the kids on their bikes after everyone went home. It was good but I was totally shagggged when I got back. Now I am going to update and then read others blogs and go to bed. I think I have had a big full on day.

Love ya all

Saturday, 22 October 2005

I have been tagged by Emily.

The rules are:
1. Go into your archives
2. Find your 23rd post
3. Find the fifth sentence (or the closest one to it)
4. Post the text of your sentence in your blog along with these rules
5. Tag five other people

This is what I posted:

he said to me "you are doing better than I would be at this" and he had gorgeous abs so hey...

The rest of the post looks like this....

I had a guy on the side of the class on a machine and I said to him "this woman is out to kill me tonight {laughing}" he said to me "you are doing better than I would be at this" and he had gorgeous abs so hey... at least I am getting noticed for doing the work he he he he {must remember look no touch} he he he just kidding.

So I now tag No Quitter, Janine, Karen, Fattyboombastic, Felicity

The whole day has been shopping for food etc... went to the new New World and the prices were atrocious that we got what was in the trolley and left and went to Pak'n Save and I think we will stick to them from now on.

I was really proud of what I ate today (on my tracker on the side).

I don't really have much to say apart from I have my monthly HO HUM.... which means this weigh in is going to be a gain!!! GRRRR I always gain on that time of month GRRRR.

Good Night

Friday, 21 October 2005

Busy day today at work

Had a really busy day at work today.

I am finally get used to working at my new job. It is not just for the job that I am working there! I have finally realised that I am enjoying it now because of the people I work with. My new bosses were hard to get used to but they are nice ladies and they inspire me. I was talking with one of my bosses last night (the older one) and I was telling her that if I ever owned a business I would want to own something creative. Well that went on for about 5 minutes and then my boss went into her office and then came back out and looked at me over the desk.... and said "you know you can't do that... you already have a job!" smiled a cheezy smile and went back to her office. Wow it was such a small sentence but what a powerful message for me. It is a little hard to judge what she thinks sometimes and I get the feeling she likes me working there and one of the supervisors there said that with the other ladies (that had my job) she wouldn't leave them alone in the office as she didn't trust them. Yet she only comes in 3 days a week now and only 1 and a half of my days working he he he...

Food hasn't been that wonderful today.. but I am feeling ok about that today. I am going to work my butt off with the exercise tomorrow and Sunday and be more energetic with the family this long weekend.

Only 2 weeks till our holiday Woohooo I just can't wait!


Thursday, 20 October 2005

Feeling positive but down.. hmmm

I am feeling positive!!! I am sitting here on my computer and it is 7pm and I have finally worked out that I am tired with the negativity that I get on a daily basis in my life!! from people. I am feeling positive because I am not going to do it anymore! I am not!! I am going to concentrate on this weight loss and F*&k everyone else (I am sorry for the swearing). I am doing so well on this journey and I get these little bumps and I start not caring about my weight loss. I let others rule my heart and it effects me... I am not doing that from now on!! I am not!

I had a clothes party last night and my friends from work and weight watchers turned up. It was such a relaxing night and we all had so much fun just with wine and nibbles and looking at clothes. It was the sort of clothes party that you don't have to buy anything if you don't want to. There was no pressure to buy clothes and it was nice to be around so many positive people and I want more of that... I want to be surrounded by positive people.

They made me realise that I have come so far with my weight loss, and that I need to look positively into the future and to the fact that I have done this... no one else and I have stuck to it and I don't need anyone else to get me through this. What I mean is that I sometimes look at this journey and that I didn't achieve this... like I didn't put hard work into it when I have. I hope that makes sense. I have come this far with the weight loss on my own (obviously with the support of my fantastic family) but I did it.. I am going through the hard slog etc.

Anyway..... I am going full ball on this weight loss... I am not going to let anything stand in my way. I was chatting to my weight loss leaders and they were telling me what things were motivating them when they were losing the weight... and it got me to think that a certain friend said that I couldn't lose 20 kilos within the year... or that I shouldn't put that much pressure to lose that sort of amount in one year... so I started out trying to prove to her that she was wrong and I did it in 9 months. I am not going to let anyone dictate to me how much I should or shouldn't lose.

I am tired of the depression and negativity I notice in my life! I know that I am not going to get rid of that totally... but from now on I am not going to have that around me! I am not going to listen to it! I am going to go full on forward to changing my life for the best. The thing is is that I want this to be a healthy change... I don't want all the crap food anymore. It doesn't help my mood and it doesn't help me to have the life I want. Why would I want it? The crap food I mean. I sit here trying to work out why I would sacrifice a great healthy life with my kids and husband for food.. What is so great about food? It isn't going to hug you at night.. is isn't going to make you laugh. It is just food.

Drinking the water last week was a great start for me! It has made me re-evaluate my situation and that nothing or no one matters if they come to break my weight loss efforts. (When I read this again I know it sounds harsh but I have reasons for saying this and can't explain it right now).

Anyway I think I might leave it at that.

I am going to the gym tomorrow night and I am going to go on Sunday and hubby and I are doing two walks this weekend. I want to have a good loss next week as I am going to be 25 kilos down by Xmas... I AM!!!

Love ya all

Tuesday, 18 October 2005

Weigh in tonight

Well... what a day today.

Left home at 7.30am as we had to take the car in!! OMG I didn't know it but it was not going to happen that easy.

I had to take Quinn to creche
Then take car to garage to be fixed
Then take Hubby to work
Then son to school
and Finallllyyyyy me to my gym appointment with our trainer.

OMG OMG I got to the gym at 9.15 and I had the appointment for 9.00 am... So my day started off badly.

The gym workout with Kris was good today our trainer Liz showed us some ways of using the machines that were making the right muscles work and it was fantastic apart from the fact that she had another appointment so I ended up with only 15 minutes with her grrrr but that was my fault too.

The afternoon was just as busy....

Found out the car cost us $480 to get fixed... so in 4 months this car has cost us $998 GRRRRR. Just before our holiday is just killing me!! We are like tight with money and it just couldn't come at the worst time....

So I went for my weigh in tonight!!! Wanna know how much??? I lost or gained?

I lost 1.9 kilos OMG

I started as a weigher tonight and was learning the ropes. I am not sure if I want to stick to this or not... seems like I am losing the time at the meeting instead of learning things... I guess I have to weigh up whether I want to do that or not...

My boss and another lady (whose kids are in the creche) started at Weight Watchers tonight and told the leaders that I inspired them... it felt weird that is for sure.

So now I have lost 21.8 kilos... OMG I just can't believe how far I have come... I now believe I can do this... it has taken a while and I have got it in my head that I can get to the 100 kilos.. I haven't yet wrapped into the fact that I can get below that but I am going to give it a damn good try.

Good night everyone
I am a bit exhausted now.

Monday, 17 October 2005

Break down

Went to the gym today and Kris was back after two weeks of not being allowed to go.

OMG what a work out. I kept chanting to myself....30 kilos 30 kilos to keep me going as Steve really worked us hard and I actually did half the class with the skipping it was fantastic and I felt so much more energetic.

Had lunch with hubby and Quinn (youngest) and that was so nice as the weather was fantastic.

Went to get Corbin from school and got out from getting him to take him to get his haircut and the bloody car wouldn't start OMG OMG OMG that was all I needed. One of the mums had to get going but said she would leave me her cellphone so I tried to get my husband but he wasn't available so I phoned Kris (OMG what a life saver she was) I am sooooo glad that she was there and she came and got me and the boys and took us home. It was nice sitting outside on the seat swing and talking. The kids got on so well and they were so quiet.

Hubby got home and we went to get the car from school and it started. So I decided to go for a long drive to get the car going and while I was on the open road I tried to put the window back up and my speedometer went haywire. It went from 80ks to 20 ks and then while I was going at least 80ks and it was saying I was doing 20 ARGHHHHHHHHH then I couldn't signal. OMG OMG I was worried! Just before our holiday there is no way that we can afford anything on the car. We are stretched just to get money for the holiday as it is arghhhh.

So phoned the brother in law and he seems to think that it was the battery or the alternator but we need to take it in to the shop tomorrow (which luckily he works at again wooohooooo I am glad he is back from Europe woohoo).

But it will still cost us but not as much.

YAYYY Rosita won NZ Idol. I picked her right from the start before she got into the top 50 or so and I kept telling my hubby and mum she would win but they scoffed wohooooo I was right!!

I forgot to mention that I got my flute out yesterday and played it in front of the kids it felt so good to play music again.... like my soul had been lifted and I enjoyed it so much.

I want to go and learn how to tap dance but I am scared to go by myself and I wish there was someone here in my town to go with me... it would be great exercise and fun too.. to get away from the kids and from hubby just for some fun. hmmmm

I am really scared about tomorrow. I don't feel like I have lost anything. I have kept within points like I said yesterday but I am not sure this week, I am not sure that my choices were right. I have had more water than usual as I hate it and this contract I have with Kris is not going to beat me. I have done my exercise but it is all up in the air... when I think I am going to lose I gain and when I think I am going to gain I lose.

Love Chubbymum

Sunday, 16 October 2005

Weekend Woohoo

The weekend was a really nice relaxing one

Took Corbin to ANOTHER birthday party and then I took Quinn out with me to do some chores and get his haircut. What a spunky little dude with his hair all spikey he he he. We went to the big playground but then he didn't want to play so we went shopping.

When we got home it was just relaxing and they boys played outside in the backyard and we just read our magazines and just chilled it was fantastic.

We all made a impossible quiche this morning to take on a picnic. Went and took back the library books and then went to the Hamilton gardens and found a really nice picnic table (made of marble) up high looking over a beautiful water garden and ate our quiche and the kids were having so much fun.

The afternoon was spent cleaning out our study so that we can have a spare bedroom because since I have had the laptop I am in the lounge on a table instead of needing a study so we now have a day bed and chair in there and it will be a good place to chill in the summer as it will be a nice cool room.

We put on the roast and decided that since mum is home we would go out for a walk with the kids (they took their bikes) We went for a 40 minute walk and when we were on the way back a car stopped just up in front of us... it scared me a little and hubby said "must be someone wanting to know instructions) well we got to the window and I heard a voice say "OMG GIRL I had to go around the round about twice to come back and tell you how FANTASTIC you are looking and I didn't recognise that it was you" My head must have swelled up so much after that. I was on such a high. The lady used to go to Weight Watchers when I first started and she was saying she hadn't been back because it has clashed with her work etc. So I have been on a high since...

To be honest I am scared about the weigh in on Tuesday. I have kept within points this week but I don't know if my choices were right. So we shall see. It would be fantastic to lose 30 kilos within the year of starting this.. So I am going to work my butt off to get there. 10 kilos to get off before the end of January. Even though my year ends on the 11th January 2006 I think by the end of January I can do this if I reallllllllly stick to it.

He he going to leave it at that.

Friday, 14 October 2005


This is a picture of Melbourne... We go there in like 3 weeks time and I am soooo excited but I haven't really planned anything but the plane tickets and staying with friends over there but nothing else really... SLACK aren't I. No kids just me and hubby for 11 days YAYYYYY we haven't been away since we were both 21 (not out of New Zealand anyway) . It is our 10 year wedding anniversary and we are going to have so much fun.

I have just read Margaret's post and she had answered the following questions so I thought I would try. I must admit I am not as good as she is at answering these but hey they are supposed to be for my benefit anyway :-)

Complete the following phrases: Decided to answer these as if they were about weight loss tonight... as I am trying to concentrate on weight loss.

I am eager to … lose this weight and to keep it off! To one day run!! yep you heard it right here.. I want to run and not have all this stomach swaying up and down and side to side.

I doubt myself when … People don't notice I have lost weight... I doubt myself because if people can't see it am I putting all this effort in for nothing... but then I wake up and know that I feel better than I have in years.

I'm proud of myself because … I have changed my lifestyle and I have been sticking to it since January TEN MONTHS... Ten whole months I have been on this.... I didn't quit when I gained something... and I am seeing this as a lifestyle change and not just to lose the weight and then go back to eating the bad things..Woohoo me!

My 10 favourite things are … my family, my friends, a good book, great healthy food, being active, my computer (and with it all the people I meet), clothes that are fashionable & fit, great shoes, handbags, jewellery (I am a girl after all LOL) (stole this from Margaret as they are my favourite things too.

I am most grateful for … my family, my hubby for supporting me in this lifestyle change, my gym partner for making exercise a fun thing, my friends online that care and read and give me feedback... THANKS

I feel my mission in life is to … help my kids to grow up to be just what they want to be, to keep healthy and to spend time with my family and exercise with my family. To enjoy life and enjoy my family and friends.

In my wildest dreams, I … didn't think I would stick to this for 10 months!!! NEVER NEVER have I done it for this long because it always seemed a chore! It is not a chore anymore Wohoo.

I believe in myself because … I am doing it! I am on the track to being healthy and I see the difference in my kids when they come and say come and play and they know I will not sit on my big fat backside (like I used to) and that is because I chose to change... so I must believe in myself now don't ya think?

Thanks Margaret for these question tonight... they have been a good starting point.

I went to the gym tonight. Unfortunatly Kris couldn't make it tonight but you can read why in her blog. But I pushed myself to the limit tonight. I put the incline on the treadmill to 6 and stayed on there for 15 minutes and I did 28 minutes on the bike on the random program and upped my level too... woohooo and I also did extra sit ups and arm weights tonight. I really feel the burn at the moment and to move is like torture he he he woohooooo at least I know I did it though.

Anyway I am going now. I can't think about what to write tonight. Work was ok! Really busy! Food was ok too... check out my tracker you might like it... plus once you are in there check out my photos. If you click on the pictures you can see them a lot bigger... I am quite proud of the change when I put them together like that... I HATE THE FIRST PHOTO THOUGH IKKKKYYY.

Anyway goodnight
Love Chubbymum

Wednesday, 12 October 2005


You know I was not going to write in here tonight as I wanted to just catch up on all the blogs I have been neglecting lately.

I read a comment today about me from Jak and she had me in tears. She had me in tears because she had mentioned me in it and I had tears coming down on my face and my hubby said what was wrong so I read it to him. I have never in my life been an inspiration to someone NEVER and it really touched me. Thank you Jak!! Thank you!

It so makes me want to keep going right till the end now. I read all my blogs because they are all inspirational to me and they keep me going. Never in my life have I kept up a journal as long as I have on here and the reason I have kept it up so long is because I have met such fantastic people on here and because you are all an inspiration to me because you are all in the same boat as I am and we are all struggling towards the same thing.

I honestly don't think that I would have gone as long as I have without you all. Thank you!

Today was a good day food wise check out my tracker on the right... I have decided while doing the contract with Kris I will keep a tracker to keep me honest. I want to get into the 120's and I am doing the yoyo thing... the funny thing is is that I went back through my losses and gains and when I was getting low on the 140's, and he 130's I have done the same thing! I have gone up and down and up and down and I don't want to do this but was wondering if it is my mind set at the time. I mean I know I want to lose the weight but is my subcontious telling me something different? Hmmmm apparently our subcontious does this according to the Dr Phil book... I have to dig a little more into it that is for sure.

I didn't go to the gym tonight!! Too many things happening at home tonight I was running late and I should have gone but in the end I felt I haven't been sleeping properly lately and thought I would get to bed early as I need some time to recover. So if I got my blog reading and replying done I will go up and get some sleep Yayyyyy.

Going to a get together at the gym tomorrow night with Kris and I am sort of looking foward to it, especially since I am going with my gym buddy, but sort of nervous too... so we shall see how it goes.

I must be like a magnet this year that is for sure as an old boss cellphoned me today and said that she is trying to get a part time position in her work at the moment and would I be interested in it? I said to her I have only just started this job and she said that she would match my wage etc... I know that I should have said more but she is the sort of person that gives a lot of perks like time off for things and when the kids are sick there is no gripping etc. But.... I think I am finally getting to a good place in my job at the creche... I am getting used to the bosses and everything is really relaxed and they are really social people too and I miss that!! But I suppose when she gets back to me about it I can consider it then. It felt good for her to ask me to come and work with her again... she was saying so many nice things like I want someone I trust to work with me and someone I know will get the job done without hassle it was soooo great.. I think it must be my day for wonderful compliments that is for sure.

I told her about my loss and she said well done you deserve it and you must be looking fantastic. She is a big lady too and said that she has to do something about her weight and I might find her at my meeting one day... I said that would be nice.

Also...... one of the mums at creche was at a drinkies evening at a friends the other night and she and I were talking and I saw her delivering papers today with her daughter and she said she is going to Weight Watchers this tuesday at my Weight Watchers and I said that is fantastic and she said that she would never have gone apart from hearing me talk about it at the drinkies and I inspired her to get her arse in to gear... OMG OMG what a night... now I sound like I am bragging but I am not (well sort of not)...

I am writing this because I want to make sure that everyone that is doing a journal/blog/diary stick to it!! NEVER NEVER give up because one or two losses are nothing NOTHING and the quote that my weight watchers leader said the other day was"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels" and this is soooo true one chocolate, one greasy burger is not as good as slim feels... and I will know that feeling one day!!! Slim hmmmmm ... I feel on a high now that I have blogged tonight!!!

THANKS for reading.
Keep up the journals my friends it is worth it!!
Love Chubbymum

Tuesday, 11 October 2005

Weigh in tonight

Ok so I know that I hadn't been good this week and I paid for it! I gained 900gram which took me under that bloody 20 kilos so now I have lost 19.9 kilos and I am really quite gutted about it and I put on a brave face tonight but I wasn't that happy about it.

There was a good thing happen tonight I was asked if I wanted to do the recording of the weigh inns every tuesday night. I think I am going to do it. They don't pay that much but at least that money I earn can be taken off my weekly fee.

I brought two new bras today in a lovely bluey purple (size 22D I might add woohoo) I used to be a 26D. I also brought a pair of high heeled shoes, I don't usually wear heels I wear flat shoes but in the last couple of weeks after losing the weight I want to look pretty and feel pretty and there is not enough out there for bigger woman that doesn't cost the earth.

Then I thought I would show you this photo and see what you think. I can actually see a difference from January now Woohoooo so the photo of me with the green shirt was taken the night I went to Weight Watchers on the first night 11 January 2005 and the last photo was on the 23rd September 2005.

I have to keep telling myself that I am doing good and that I am doing exercise and I am healthier now. The last couple of weeks I have been worrying too much about everyone elses weight loss and why I haven't lost but as from tonight I am going to do this for me again.. and not because I want to do what others are doing. I think I realised it tonight after a friend at weight watchers was only interested in herself and not in what I was saying... and I can understand that to some extent as she is doing it for herself but she didn't listen to what I had said (when she had asked me) and then asked the same question a minute later. This is the same girl that told me I could loose 20 kilos in the space of time I set for myself and I made it only a week after I had said I was going to achieve it. I am tired of not having encouraging people around me. I have to give credit where credit is due but I am finally doing this because of the support of Kris... her support by going to the gym with me and phoning me to see how weigh inns have gone has kept me realising this is a long haul and the people that really care will make the effort to find out how I am doing. So I have to do the same in return too... that is what friends are for. I think I do do that in return for her I hope... I do try my hardest to listen to her and talk to her hmmm anyway.

I am finishing this rather late tonight. I started this at 8.30 but finished at 9.50 wow I was trying to hard to be a perfectionist tonight instead of just typing it out but I rewrote it so many times grrr.

Anyway going to go and read everyones diaries....

Catch ya

Weigh in tonight

Ok so I know that I hadn't been good this week and I paid for it! I gained 900gram which took me under that bloody 20 kilos so now I have lost 19.9 kilos and I am really quite gutted about it and I put on a brave face tonight but I wasn't that happy about it.

There was a good thing happen tonight I was asked if I wanted to do the recording of the weigh inns every tuesday night. I think I am going to do it. They don't pay that much but at least that money I earn can be taken off my weekly fee.

I brought two new bras today in a lovely bluey purple (size 22D I might add woohoo) I used to be a 26D. I also brought a pair of high heeled shoes, I don't usually wear heels I wear flat shoes but in the last couple of weeks after losing the weight I want to look pretty and feel pretty and there is not enough out there for bigger woman that doesn't cost the earth.

Then I thought I would show you this photo and see what you think. I can actually see a difference from January now Woohoooo so the photo of me with the green shirt was taken the night I went to Weight Watchers on the first night 11 January 2005 and the last photo was on the 23rd September 2005.

I have to keep telling myself that I am doing good and that I am doing exercise and I am healthier now. The last couple of weeks I have been worrying too much about everyone elses weight loss and why I haven't lost but as from tonight I am going to do this for me again.. and not because I want to do what others are doing. I think I realised it tonight after a friend at weight watchers was only interested in herself and not in what I was saying... and I can understand that to some extent as she is doing it for herself but she didn't listen to what I had said (when she had asked me) and then asked the same question a minute later. This is the same girl that told me I could loose 20 kilos in the space of time I set for myself and I made it only a week after I had said I was going to achieve it. I am tired of not having encouraging people around me. I have to give credit where credit is due but I am finally doing this because of the support of Kris... her support by going to the gym with me and phoning me to see how weigh inns have gone has kept me realising this is a long haul and the people that really care will make the effort to find out how I am doing. So I have to do the same in return too... that is what friends are for. I think I do do that in return for her I hope... I do try my hardest to listen to her and talk to her hmmm anyway.

I am finishing this rather late tonight. I started this at 8.30 but finished at 9.50 wow I was trying to hard to be a perfectionist tonight instead of just typing it out but I rewrote it so many times grrr.

Anyway going to go and read everyones diaries....

Catch ya

Monday, 10 October 2005

Contract day

Today I went to my combat class and the trainer had decided to change the routine and almost kill me he he he (rofl) it was FANTASTIC I felt like I was on a high after the class. I did find that I had to change one of the things he did because I have still got problems with my knees and I when we were doing the doggy lifts (for the gluts) my knees were hurting. I did try the pads under my knees but after the class the stairs were killing me and since we have stairs in our house I was not going to put that much pressure on my knees again so I now lay on my side and lift my legs up in the air instead. I am all for doing exercise but if there is another way of doing it that won't ruin my knees then I am going to do it! Hey sometimes these people have to realise that I have almost 60 kilos on them and I have to lift more and there is also more pressure on my knees.

Kris didn't go to the class today as she had a little operation that she has to recover from and her doctor said two weeks till she can do the class so it was hard not having her there but she did go on the treadmill and the bike and then we met afterwards and sat downstairs and chatted for a half an hour. I really like our chat sessions and to just relax after the classes it was great.

At our little chats we had a really good open conversation and decided that we needed to have a little competition or something to keep our motivation. Something to keep Kris away from takeaways and for me to get this water down me as I am terrible with water. We are trying to work out a contract that we both have to sign and stick to it. It is going to be a month contract and we are going to do this. We feel that we have to get this sorted!! so by tomorrow hopefully we will be on our way. It is great to have a person doing the same thing and to have a little challenge.

Woohoooo I got my laptop fixed and back to me today! Wohooooo lets hope it stays that way.

Anyway I have my tracker on now if you want to see I have a link up above my weight watchers results. Please come have a look. But I must say the avocado for breakfast this morning wasn't a good thing! OUCH but then 26.5 points isn't bad when I get 25 a day and I also did exercise of 13 points.. but I don't always take them.

Anyway goodnight

Love Chubbymum

Sunday, 9 October 2005


OMG I went to the gym this morning and thought I would get out of my comfort zone and go to a new class (ALL BY MYSELF ARGHHHH SCARY) so I did! I went to a Circut class OMG OMG OMG OMG I thought combat was hard but this made me work and work and work. It was fantastic afterwards but during I thought I was going to die he he he. They had spinning bikes in it and skipping ropes, kicking the boxing pads, steppers, weights, sit ups and more weights and also made us go outside (running down the stairs and out the front and running back up the stairs at the other end TWICE ARGGHHHH)

Got home and hubby was out and had left the kitchen in a right mess and the lounge I was ropeable so I ended up cleaning it all up before they got there.

We were babysitting for a friend today supposed to be from 1 till 4pm but she ended up bringing them over at 11.30 which was a little too early for my liking only because we had other things to do but hey what can ya do.

The kids got on really well and we took them all to the park to do some kite flying and now I am just exhausted as they just left at 4.20 and I now know there will be no more children for us!!! Hubby needs to get snipped I would just die having anymore children. The kids that were here were great and well behaved kids but trying to keep your eyes on more than 2 kids was driving me insane. ARGGHHHHHH

So now I have my two watching Madegasgar on DVD and I am in here on the computer. I needed some time away from them.

I have been really good with the food today too and had a surimi salad for lunch and it was DEVINE.

I know that I am going to gain this week but hey at least I am back on to it again. I just can't seem to find any nibbly stuff to keep me going as I am getting sick of hummus and rice crackers and nuts... and some of the other things I am eating. So if you have any ideas of something that doesn't take a lot to fix up for snacks I would appreciate it. I know I know fruit etc and yoghurt bla bla but I am bored with all of that.

I am going to Weight Watchers on Tuesday and my boss at work wanted to know if I would be mad if she joined me OMG a little freaked but not in a horrible way just that she isn't really a big person. I would say 75 kilos (which is what I want to be) but she isn't happy with her size and wants to do something about it so I said yes.... also feel a little freaked because she is my boss ya know? She is my age so it isn't like she is in her 50's or something and it feels weird just weird sort of he he he.

Well mum comes home at 6pm tonight and I must say I have missed her but things have been a little more relaxed around here like not fearing that we would make too much mess and she would complain or that she would just complain about anything and also not fearing that she is stuck in the house all week and I should take her shopping. And we actually slept in this morning too as Quinn decided that he wouldn't get up till 9am OMG that is a bloody miracle as both our boys tend to get up with the birds he he he.

My 20 kilo reward was to get my nails done but I haven't yet and a little scared to tell you the truth to go and get them done as it is a long time sitting still and then they last about 2 weeks until you have to go and get a back fill again and I don't really want to be spending money on the back fill every two weeks. Was thinking I might go and get them done just before we go to Melbourne (in 4 weeks woohoo) and then they are pretty for our trip away and I will decide when I get back whether or not I want to keep doing it. Yep I bite my nails amoungst all the other problems I have he he he and I have tried eveything to stop it but it is like a thing I do when I don't know I am doing it.... so after I have lost the weight I think I might concentrate on sorting out my nail biting... but one problem at a time he he he

Anyway I do feel like I have done so much exercise today and I am glad that I am back on track!!! OHHHH DEAR GOD I hope that I don't gain too much to be under the 20 kilos this week or I think I will just DIE!!

I am going to go and read some journals now!!! I am glad that I am finally getting back on track with the diary entries as I have missed them.

Love Chubbymum
P.S I still haven't gotten my laptop back yet but when I do I will update those photos and sort something out.

Saturday, 8 October 2005

Not a good day AT ALL

OMG my Friday SUCKED the big time. I don't know what is wrong with me this week!!! I seem to have laxed!! I don't know why maybe because I have been going hard out to get to the 20 kilos to know I could do it or maybe because I have had 10 months of being good that yesterday sucked!

At work yesterday I have only a 1/2 an hour lunch and I didn't prepare and take any lunch in so I thought 'hey that is ok I will just go find something that is healthy to eat' YEAH RIGHT I got in the car (because my work is in a industrial part of town) and I went to a 5 places and got out of the car each time and went in and the sandwiches had gone or they didn't look too good! I decided that a pie or something of that nature wasn't good enough. Well this took me 25 minutes and I still hadn't found anything. I wanted something good but ended up getting a chicken burger from Burger King and took all the sauce etc off the bun because I didn't want it to be any worse than it was. I was angry at myself afterwards I really was and I didn't have the fries or coke etc (the girl their kept saying do you want to have anything else with that like 50 times which got me mad). I went back to work and just felt horrible and told my boss (she is my age around mid thirties (and not skinny but not big)) and she said well you know it was wrong but you can't do anything about it... and she was right and I knew that. BUT......

My mother is away for the weekend (which doesn't happen often) and we decided to go out for dinner BIG MISTAKE we went to a smorgasbord and I had two plates of food and paid up for it all night with a really sore tummy as I ate too much. So that is my binge over and done with and I know it wasn't good but I am not going to give up just start out right today!!!

Why do we do this?

Why do I do this????

I am going to be so upset on Tuesday because I know I will gain but I have only myself to blame. I am just getting so bored with my food and I know that isn't any excuse as there are plenty of recipes out there and I have 5 WW cookbooks but I am just bored!

I think this week I have just had a bout of depression as I have not wanted to go to the gym either even though I know I should. I went on Sunday and on Wednesday night and did a class and realllllllly worked hard because I knew I didn't go on Monday or Tuesday but Thur and Friday I didn't want to go either and I don't think I want to go today (BUT I AM).

I just look at how far I have to go just to feel normal and it is like 50 kilos!!! Normal!! I mean what is that?

I have really slacked off with my journal here too and I have to get back into it. I still haven't got my laptop up and running and I am using this old huckery puckery computer which is driving me insane.

I think also I am lonely... I know I have my family etc but sometimes I just want to have a friend to go shopping with or do things with and not with my kids or theirs and I know it isn't possible because we have no where to put them. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but I really miss friendship! I miss it!

Anyway my moodiness is taking it's backside away now.


Tuesday, 4 October 2005

Love the idea Kris

Kris I am stealing your idea today (even though others have already done it) I was thinking that I don't really have any goals at the moment on how I am going to achieve the 78 kilos (all up) that I have to lose (only 59 to go though he he he). It will keep me on track maybe. I sit there sometimes not knowing if I am on track or not but so far I have been losing the 500 grams that I have been wanting to a week. Some weeks are more and some are less but as long as the average is 500grams then that is good. I have to make sure that I keep that in mind when I don't lose something that as long as I am within the 500 grams then nothing else matters and by the 1st January 2008 I will be at goal (not the Weight Watchers goal of 66 but the goal I think I will be happy with).

Went shopping again today OMG I feel like I am addicted to it he he he and my mother brought me a top which looks like those bohemian tops but in white and it feels really sexy he he he. But that is it I am not going to buy anymore... but the funny thing is is that the top is a size 24 he he he not a 26 and tight as anything... it is a 24 woohoooooo. Wow two days in a row I am going on about clothes. I never used to worry about clothes as I knew there wasn't anything out there that was nice enough to fit but now I AM IN HEAVEN and I even like looking at fashion magazines now REALLY SCARY.

Anyway I will update tonight on whether or not I have lost my 300 grams to reach the 20 kilos.

P.S Jaxx.... I will reply he he he.

Wohooo I LOST 1.1 this week woohooo so I have Lost 20.7 kilos Yayyyyy I got to the 20 kilos I didn't ever think even when I started this that I would have lost 20 kilos. I have now lost my oldest son in weight WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thank you for all listening when I was moaning that I haven't gotten to 20 kilos!! I really appreciate all the comments

Monday, 3 October 2005

No gym today

I didn't go to the gym today.

I know I should have but I really didn't feel like it. My mother in law actually came and took the kids from 10.30 till 3pm today OMG it is like she is reading my diary or something.... freaky!!!

So I decided that I would go out shopping with my mum. I couldn't afford to go out shopping that is for sure but I felt like I needed to spend some money so I did OUCH. $100 dollars later I came back with some nice dressy pants (with a flower sequin on the bottom of each pants leg and a lovely top to go with it) I have never NEVER been able to find some pants to fit that were dressy pants and not stretch pants that didnt look like they were going to strangle my legs before and I felt quite sexy in them. I also found a really nice flowy pink top I like too that made me feel really feminine but decided that I wouldn't get that as well he he. It just felt really good to go into the shop and see a 26 in pants and be able to fit them with a little bit of room. Not that I want too much room in them as I am going to be losing some more weight but when I showed my mother in law she said they were nice and I have to have clothes that actually fit me now and I am happy with even though they might not last that long so that was good.

It was nice not having the kids for a while.

I am still not talking to my husband that much other than yes or no (and certainly not showing it in front of the kids) but he seems to think that he can come in and say I love you and things just go away. I give in everytime we have a disagreement and he says that and that is it. We never solve the problem we had in the first place and this time I decided I was not just going to let it slide... so that is the situation with that at the moment.

Had my friend Rebecca here for the afternoon with her kids and OMG the noise. Not that it was just her kids because it was certainly mine as well but I have a major headache after it. I sort of wished they would have gone to lollipops so that we could still talk and they could have played... but that wasn't to happen today ho hum.

So now they have gone I have the most terrible headache and I have had enough of the kids screaming and I WANT MY LAPTOP BACK arggghhhhhhh because then I wouldn't have to be in the boys playroom with the old computer driving me insane.

I can't wait for Wednesday to wear my new outfit to work and feel good in it. I have to buy some nice shoes to go with it next he he he that is going to be a while before that happens.

Food wise I have been ok and not over done it. I had an egg sandwich for breakfast and I had a chicken panini with mushrooms and a V when I went out to town with Mum so that was ok too. I haven't had anything else but that.

I went to the gym yesterday and did a really good work out so I don't feel too bad about not going to the gym today but I will go tomorrow and I am doing a combat class on Wednesday night and will try and go Thursday and Friday to make up for it all.

Anyway... keep well everyone
Love Chubbymum

Saturday, 1 October 2005

Second post for the day

This is my second post for the day and I really did think that my day couldn't get bad... nope nope nope I was wrong. Hubby's brother decided he would phone and say he needed us to take him to his work (he went back to his old job as they offered it to him) to take his tools there, as he only has a motor bike. (He is a mechanic). That is fine and I didn't mind that, but then we had to wait for him to arrive, which was not until 11am (3 hours later) when we had made plans to do stuff today and then when he arrived hubby and him made plans to do a couple more things so the stuff we were going to do as a family was stuffed up. I can tell you ever since he has come home I just want to strangle both him and his mother.

She NEVER in the two years that her son was away asked us over for dinner and basically the only time she ever took our boys out is if we asked her to and as soon as her precious son came home from Europe she has been all smiley and talkative and doing lots with him... which in a way I can understand as he has been away for two years but when the kids phoned to say they want to do something with her she always has the excuse of she has lots of school marking to do or her study or other things. Especially this holiday she was saying that she was overloaded yet she went out with my brother in law lots and the kids suffered. Sometimes I just feel like packing up and leaving town and moving because then maybe my boys will get to see their grandmother more. I get so annoyed because my Dad would have spent time with them and did stuff with them if he was still alive yet she is and can't be bothered...

I got so angry you wouldn't believe with my hubby that he was breaking our plans to go and do this and yet he went anyway. I said to him that if he went I wouldn't be back when he got back and I wasn't. I went out from 11.30 to 5pm and did things for me. I even went to the library and went and parked by the lake and read my book and had a snooze. Thought that since I am the one looking after the boys all the time that I was going to leave him to take the oldest to a birthday party and look after everything else. I didn't want to be angry today I wanted to spend time with my family.

But with all that stress I kept thinking that I want to get McDonalds and I passed KFC and there was a really nice muffin place in town too but I was proud of myself I got sushi and a V and I went and ate it at the lake. I didn't sit where all the other food places were so that I could eat. I really could smell the big mac's while I was driving and yet I avoided it.

At the start of the year if I had an arguement with hubby I would have gone and got food and ate till my hearts content.

I felt so lonely today. I miss my friend Aroha today... because I know that if she was here in town that I could have gone over to her place and talked or we would have gone out for a while. I don't have that here... all my friends have moved out of town and I sat at a Lake instead of going out with a friend. I didn't realise how lonely I was until today. I have people I do things with but I miss the friendship I have with Aroha... I mean she listens... she doesn't just pretend to listen she listens and talks and we have fun and I know I can count on her. Why did she have to leave and go and live in Wellington?? Why is it so hard to make friends at 35... it is so hard! Anyway I am going to stop now before I can't stop crying.

My sad day today sorry guys but I needed to get this out in my diary. My life isn't always smooth and wonderful.


Things to chat about

Bra size
Purple pants being big
Jeans fitting in to them.
Blue Bra
Watch going around on my wrist
Body for Life Book
Running on the spot at the Combat classes

Can't stop thinking about weight loss

I just cannot stop thinking about weight loss at the moment. It is like consuming my existance. It feels like back in January when I started. My day started off quite well yesterday with Corbin and I going to Quinn's creche to take a birthday cake in so that all his friends at creche could share it with him. Then it was home to get some lunch ready so that when hubby came home we could have lunch then head off to the movies with Kris and her kids.

We went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I really enjoyed it! It was a little strange and hubby and I looked at each other now and then as if to say OMG but it was good and I really liked the way they had finished the ending better than in the old version. We have heard so many different opinions on the movie but I ended up thinking it was quite entertaining.

But then in the afternoon when we picked up Quinn from the creche it was the end of a happy day. She doesn't really do much to spark me off (BLONDE) but yesterday just talking to her made me feel grumpy. Everytime I see her I want to be nice to her I really do and I feel sorry for her in some way too but then I remember the last 10 years of all the things that she did or said and it sparks up the angry person in me. I know some of you don't know about BLONDE but all I can say is maybe when you have some time read my back issues and they sort of tell some of the things.

I get so angry that her other half gives her child support (and creche fees on top of that) and he earns over $100,000 a year and yet she still get winz to pay for the childcare as well (which her ex doesn't know) I know it is for him I REALLY do and that is so fair for her son to get it but it also lets her spend the money on her too and yet hubby and I work our butts off and still find it hard to manage. I know that it is hard for solo mums and I take my hat off to her sometimes for that too I really do but the girl just rubs me the wrong way... especially since I found out that she told someone that if she snaps her fingers she could get my husband... little does she know that hubby doesn't like her and when he knew she was coming around he would moan and groan like a 5 year old and make sure he was doing something. But it makes me uneasy now knowing it... and she calls me her friend PHEWWWYYY.

I should have gone to the gym last night but I didn't as I really wanted to go with Kris but she had made other plans so I just sat home and sulked (about Blonde not Kris)... I know a silly thing to do!!! I know I know this. Then Blonde phoned to ask me about my gym.... and that was the last straw... I am happy with not having her around and I so hope that she doesn't join my gym and the only reason she is joining said my husband was because she can see the fact I am losing weight and she has gained all the weight back that she lost at weight watchers and hubby said her face is getting really chubby now. Wish I was her weight though... but I don't want her ruining my fun... if she joins I will be making sure I go at the time she is at work and she cannot come. OHHHHH I FEEL like I am at school again but I had to get this off my chest today that is for sure. SORRYYYYY

I think I might go to the gym tomorrow morning and get some exercise as we were going to go for a walk today but the weather is sooooooo rainy and sucky.

OK my moany session is over and I will go now but I will come back later tonight with another post when I am a happy chickybabe again he he he