At work yesterday I have only a 1/2 an hour lunch and I didn't prepare and take any lunch in so I thought 'hey that is ok I will just go find something that is healthy to eat' YEAH RIGHT I got in the car (because my work is in a industrial part of town) and I went to a 5 places and got out of the car each time and went in and the sandwiches had gone or they didn't look too good! I decided that a pie or something of that nature wasn't good enough. Well this took me 25 minutes and I still hadn't found anything. I wanted something good but ended up getting a chicken burger from Burger King and took all the sauce etc off the bun because I didn't want it to be any worse than it was. I was angry at myself afterwards I really was and I didn't have the fries or coke etc (the girl their kept saying do you want to have anything else with that like 50 times which got me mad). I went back to work and just felt horrible and told my boss (she is my age around mid thirties (and not skinny but not big)) and she said well you know it was wrong but you can't do anything about it... and she was right and I knew that. BUT......
My mother is away for the weekend (which doesn't happen often) and we decided to go out for dinner BIG MISTAKE we went to a smorgasbord and I had two plates of food and paid up for it all night with a really sore tummy as I ate too much. So that is my binge over and done with and I know it wasn't good but I am not going to give up just start out right today!!!
Why do we do this?
Why do I do this????
I am going to be so upset on Tuesday because I know I will gain but I have only myself to blame. I am just getting so bored with my food and I know that isn't any excuse as there are plenty of recipes out there and I have 5 WW cookbooks but I am just bored!
I think this week I have just had a bout of depression as I have not wanted to go to the gym either even though I know I should. I went on Sunday and on Wednesday night and did a class and realllllllly worked hard because I knew I didn't go on Monday or Tuesday but Thur and Friday I didn't want to go either and I don't think I want to go today (BUT I AM).
I just look at how far I have to go just to feel normal and it is like 50 kilos!!! Normal!! I mean what is that?
I have really slacked off with my journal here too and I have to get back into it. I still haven't got my laptop up and running and I am using this old huckery puckery computer which is driving me insane.
I think also I am lonely... I know I have my family etc but sometimes I just want to have a friend to go shopping with or do things with and not with my kids or theirs and I know it isn't possible because we have no where to put them. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but I really miss friendship! I miss it!
Anyway my moodiness is taking it's backside away now.