Thursday, 29 June 2006

Do I want to keep going??

Work was long today. I had to get all my work done before 12 because of end of month GRRRR which is annoying when I only work 3 days a week because I feel like I am rush rush rushing all day when I have to get it done so quickly.

It felt great to finish and to get out in the car again he he he I am like a car junky at the moment.

Went out to soccer practice with Corbin after school and when I got there one of the ladies said "You are coach today" I thought ARGHHHHHH as the coach was either not going to be there or late.. so I got them running up and down the field and then got them doing some ball skills he he he and then the coach came down the field WOOOHOOOO I was off the hook (sort of) and for the rest of the practice we ran around and had some fun.

Went to the LEAN girls practice last night.. I don't know if I have told you all but I am going on my BOOT CAMP on the 7th July and we have to practice some sort of skit for the weekend so us girls (not the trainer) got together and we are doing Barbie Girl and Macarana and one other one that I have never heard before. We were going through the moves for the Barbie Girl song and by the time we had finished I was sweating like you wouldn't believe and so were all the other girls... It looked like I had just got out of the shower he he he it was sooo much fun and we laughed the whole night.

Came home and slept... well tried too... couldn't seem to sleep without waking up last night that is for sure.

Got up at 5.30 this morning and went to LEAN. Got there and she had a piece of paper all ready for our workout and we had to go through the list OMG OMG it was sooo hard this morning that is for sure. We went and weighed in and measured too. Went up in the weight (but I knew that already) came down in one of the measurements though but to be honest I haven't been trying.

I have read Leenie's post and she is so right about not wanting to do this and everyone is feeling the same at the moment and I agree with everything but to be quite honest I don't care about the weight in the last week! I want the weight to come off and I don't want it to go back on but I have lost the mojo or the willpower to keep it going after a year and a half. I don't lose fast as it is and it is driving me insane. I have to get back into it and I know this!! but I don't want to but I want to OMG I know I sound like a stuck record but what do I do? No one can help me I have to help myself... and it isn't because I am getting lazy as such as I am doing lots and lots of exercise and I am not eating bad stuff like chocolate or anything but I am not pointing as such either... I am sick of pointing!!

Yes I will get back to pointing!!! I WILL!!!!

OK I will do the pointing from today... I know what you are thinking.

I have been slack with the pointing and in return I have been slack with writing in here too. I feel like such a failure that writing in here makes it more real.... makes it more real of such a wuss and failure I am for not keeping it up.

I have my exercise all sorted but I don't have my tracking!

Ok on that note I am going to go and get my day over with and I will be back tonight to tell you what happened with food tonight.

Love ya all

Scrambled eggs and toast
1 Glass of Water
Chamomile, apple and honey tea

Want to sort ME out!

Second post for the day he he.

I do want to do this! I just have to say that!

I keep thinking about what made me start this journey and why I am not doing well now. I think I am not doing well now because for such a long time before I lost weight I was feeling miserable because of my weight and not doing any exercise and really becoming a hermit and finally I am doing exercise (and quite addicted to it) and meeting new friends and having the time of my life. I feel like I am happy.. in my mind I have gotten to the stage in my life that I love and not thinking that it could be way way way better by losing some more weight.

I have tried so many goals to get me to lose the weight and they aren't working!!

I have been looking at my Banner up the top and I have managed to get the bike and I have planned with my LEAN group to do the Quad bikes for my birthday so I have achieved two things out of my banner... BUT I HAVE TO GET TO THE Jeans and the Dress ladies!! I have to!!

I have to say too... most of you that are pregnant or having babies I am missing you guys in the weight loss journey! I miss reading about your weight loss journey and how you are going... I think in a way it has kept me going but now I am getting in to your pregnancy challenges etc (and believe me that is fantastic) but miss how reading your journals kept me going... But that is my problem he he he and I am certainly not stopping reading because of it he he.

I have had 1 bottle of water already today and I am going to make sure I have two more before the end of the day...

Water is my first step again!!! I have slacked off..

Thanks M for your advice and for your posts!! They are certainly making me think lately.

Wow two posts in one day!! That is a record lately he he he

I will leave you with this quote I picked up last week but can't remember from which journal it was from sorry if it was yours!

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage
to follow your heart and intuition.

They somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary. "
- Steve Jobs

Love ya all

So my food for the day


2 Toast

1 Scrambled egg


Wedges (homemade)


Shrimp Salad




I feel I did really well today... take small steps aye!!

Wednesday, 28 June 2006

Big Head

Got my car last night woohoooo I feel sooo special in it.... he he he he.

Went to Weight Watchers and I stayed the same but I am ok with it. I am ok with it as I went out 4 times for dinner last week (birthday's galore) and I chose right... I went Japanese with hubby and I chose right and it showed by the scales staying the same... it could have been a loss but at least it wasn't a gain.

I am going to do this I just have to track even more strictly.

I haven't managed to get a photo of the new hair cut but I haven't had too many people notice so I assume it isn't much different but that is ok it makes me feel good and it is tidyier.

I have been going out with a friend from LEAN lately and it has been great to have a grown up friend... now by saying that I have friends but there is always dramas and they never seem to listen but my new friend....hmmmm like we have known each other for years or something.. it is quite strange.. But I am enjoying have a friend (other than hubby)he he he that I can do things with and just be comfortable.

Went out last night around 9pm and had a coffee at the new coffee shop down the road... it has been great for hubby and I to be able to go out and it not be too far but we can have some space for us. Mum looks after the boys as they are in bed etc and we get time out. We sit and have a skinny latte or skinny hot chocolate and read the magazines.. it is luxury he he he

I just adore my new car DID I TELL YOU? he he he

My area manager came to talk to me this morning and shut the door and I thought OMG what is going on here and she said that the big auckland bosses were complimenting me yesterday in a conversation saying that I am on to it and that they respect me and that they know I just get on with it. OMG what a big head I got after hearing that.

I might update a little later... gotta go now. he he he


Sunday, 25 June 2006


Ok.. I have been soooo busy since Thursday and haven't updated SORRRYYYYYYYY.

I have had a really exciting (well for me anyway) weekend.

Got my hair cut and I like it but maybe it isn't that different from my last hair cuts as some people haven't said anything but my friend Delwyn (LEAN) said it is definatly different so I will take that as maybe some people just don't notice some things aye.

Corbin's game was an exciting one this weekend and he almost got a goal but he hit the post and it went out arghhhhh heart attack material.

We went looking at cars and we are getting our car on Tuesday after having the warrent, rego and an AA check done on it and we came out with more money than we thought so we got a number plate, mp3 player for the car, speakers for my hubbies car and a tow bar so OMG OMG we are soooo excited. The car looks like this....


So I feel like I have been on a spending spree woohoooo.

Went to the gym this morning with my LEAN Buddies woohooo they are so fantastic... we did our new workout and went for a spa and tonight I asked Delwyn to come over for dinner... it is amazing how similar we are in what we like.. it is fantastic to have someone that I feel comfortable with. She reminds me of my friend in Wellington (that I miss heaps btw) in the fact that I feel comfortable just being with her and that I don't have to be anyone that I am not.. and I can be just me and at the moment she is reading the newspaper and I am on here updating before dinner and before we are going to our LEAN friends place to practice our dance for the boot camp.

Do I sound excited YEP YEP YEP I am totally excited!

I have a really nice base of friends at the moment and life seems fantastic.

Anyway I will update later with a photo of my new hair cut..

Love ya all


Thursday, 22 June 2006

Life is so hard! How to change?

Ok so it is 7.50 in the morning and I am getting angry at myself.

I went to LEAN this morning and worked my backside off but I have to realise that not only exercise will work.. I have to get my mind set right for the food and really go all out and track track track.

Took my family out for dinner last night because I wanted to go out as we don't go out for dinner the whole lot of us often. I am not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing... it was to Valentines... I tried my hardest to choose wisely. For starters I had shrimp and prawns and muscles and had a teaspoon of sauce... (and I mean a teaspoon as I was trying my hardest to make it work). Then I got some hot food.. it was a piece of steak, roast potatoes (hmmm not sure if that was a good choice) LOTS of carrots and salad and coleslaw. Then for dessert hmmmm now this is where I tried not to go overboard but I did have a little. I had a tiny square of cheesecake (enough for a bite) and an eclair. To finish I had a coffee... I am upset about going for the dessert but in my mind I have to know that I can go out and have what I would like but in moderation... I wasn't stuffed when I left like I have been soooo many times before starting this.

I want to lose this week and OK I went out for dinner and it wasn't that perfect but I have to do this and for the rest of the week I am going to track and put it in here... any suggestions would be appreciated.

I am going to get my hair cut and coloured today... sooooo looking forward to it but scared because I haven't been to this hairdresser before and someone recommended it and I have always liked her hair. So let's see what happens.

Why have I lost enthusiasm for weight loss? I have so many wonderful people supporting me and I have the exercise TOTALLY under control and I thought I had the food under control but it isn't happening.

I thought about doing the wendy plan and varying my points for the week to see what I can do.

I have had so many compliments re my weight in the last week it is making me feel quite strange. I keep telling them in the last 6 months I have only really lost 5 kilos but they say they are seeing the difference. One lady has only known me since start of school this year... and she didn't know I was going to weight watchers etc... so maybe I am changing shape.

I am hating myself at the moment... I have to say it! I want the scales to go down! I hate the number 127 I hate it! I hate it! I know I am improving in other ways like my fitness is awesome now and I have more energy but I want to get under the 120's and I don't want it to take a year to get there. How come other people can lose like 50 kilos in 50 weeks and I can't... I know it is me that is stopping me but HOW am I doing it! I am being honest in my tracker and I am doing the work at the gym.

I know I have gone over this so many times in here but I just can't understand what I am doing wrong. I even had my dinner on a side plate last week for a couple of meals and I managed to gain 100grams this week. SHIT!!!

Anyway better go have a shower and take son to school.

Love ya all. I will update later on with MAYBE a photo of my hair cut he he he.


Tuesday, 20 June 2006

Interesting week

Wow I did say that I was going to be good and come in every day and write something didn't I... OMG the week has just gone so fast and I have hardly been on the computer at all.

Got hubby going to the gym with me now... woohooo and his first time was last night and he was supposed to come to the gym with me this morning at 6am but he chickened out OMG he he he but promised he would go Thursday morning with me. I think he was a little sore today.. it was sooo funny. But at least now he knows how much exercise I actually do and why I am sooo buggered when I get home.

Sunday I went with my friends from LEAN to the gym and we did the program again... it started off with just me and Delwyn and during the week the others found out so they were all there as well... IT WAS FANTASTIC.. we pushed each other and did the whole program (1 hour 45 minutes) and then went down for a spa... all of us he he he he it was sooo funny there were 6 of us in this spa OMG the water was coming over the sides and we just had a ball.

Last Friday morning I went in and did the program by myself and that was good too.

Food this week has been ok. I decided that I wouldn't track this week but be good... it was doing my head in and I had parties galore to go to as well. I think I have been ok with my food and not done anything I shouldn't.

I had 2 compliments at my son's school last week on different days too he he he. One was a mother in my son's class that said I was looking fantastic and said it in front of our Weight Watchers weigher too so that was making me spin a bit he he he.. the other was one of the ladies that is on the pta and every other thing that she can at the school and she came over and said that she has noticed that I have been having a spring in my walk and I looked at her puzzled and she said I am looking fantastic and she can see that I am feeling energetic... soo WOW that made my week that is for sure.

Been a little bored at work this past couple of weeks. I can't say that I love my job... it is ok and I don't hate it but I am bored with it and tend to get my work done pretty quickly so I don't have to deal with it.. sad I know but I get so many benefits with my son going here and also I can take and pick up my other son to school.

Anyway I will update with my weigh in tonight... I am REALLY REALLY scared about it that is for sure... I don't want another gain!! I don't I don't...

Love ya


I gained 100grams... I am not too upset about it because with all the birthday parties this weekend etc that is ok. But I have stuck to my points and I have done more than my usual exercise. I think I just have to come to the conclusion that I might be in this slump for quite some time and to just go with the flow. I am going to lose this weight and right now I don't know what I can do to keep me losing and not in this plateau but I am not going to change my good habits back to bad ones anymore!! I AM NOT.

Tonight at Weight Watchers made me realise that I have the most fantastic Weight Watcher leaders anyone can ask for. I mean I gained 100grams tonight but they still perservered on me and gave me more options. What more can I ask for and if they haven't given up on me then why the hell would I give up on myself.

I felt so much better about losing weight tonight. I brought a friend of mine to Weight Watchers from my LEAN class (the one that I have been going to the gym with on Sunday's) and I felt so positive with her there.. like I was going to do this and this was going to make me do it. I think I needed to have a friend there to go through it with or something.. to maybe give me the extra kick up the pants and also support. She was very quiet at the meeting but when we got back to my place she said "now expect an email tomorrow checking on if you have had your water" OMG that made me realise that I can do this with both the WW leaders and my friend there with me.

I can do this can't I? I know people keep saying that my exercise is so great etc but if it was so great why am I not losing the weight? That is what is doing my head in at the moment!

OMG there are soooo many people pregnant or had babies that I know of lately... soooo please forgive me if I haven't said congrads to you individually just know that I am thinking of you and Wohoooooo!!!!


My tasks this week:
1. To track
2. To drink all my water
3. No naughty food
4. Exercise 5 times this week and get out of my comfort zone more.
5. To enjoy life more!! People keep on saying that my family life and my life in general they are jealous of so maybe I need to really appreciate it.
6. Read the Think book and sort out my problem habits.

Saturday, 17 June 2006

Wet horrible weather

I am writing in here early again. The weather outside is sucky today... raining like you wouldn't believe and we were supposed to be doing the shopping today too grrrr I hate getting wet and shopping he he he.

We had Corbin's soccer game today... they are in the top 4 blocks of teams (out of 12 blocks, each block having 5 teams) so that is pretty good woohooo and anyway out of our block we are first equal with another team and had to play against them today OMG it was like heart attack material watching the game today. The other team got two goals at the start of the second half and 3 minutes to the end of the game I thought that we were going to loose and we got 2 goals woohoooooo. So it was a draw and I am pleased with that because it means that we are still first equal... OMG I thought that I was going to have a heart attack and it was an exciting game.

We are looking at cars at the moment. Big enough to fit 5 of us (3 adults and 2 children)soooo hard to find something sexy enough he he he I had the family look of cars and would like to find something that I feel happier in than the Serena (which is soooo a family looking car) he he he.

Quinn is going to a birthday party this afternoon (a girls party) and he has informed me that they are going to marry he he he he.

We also have a party for hubby's dad's 60th tonight so that should be quite interesting. Food everywhere so I am going to have to be good and make good choices.

I am meeting up with my LEAN buddy tomorrow to go through the program again. An hour and a half program to get through and push myself even more as I want to lose this weight and I have to really have a go at getting my cardio up. I was sweating so much yesterday at the gym and had a wet t shirt he he he he that is sooo cool... I have this thing about sweating as you have read before. I think it is because it validates that I am working hard as everyone else.

Still thinking about the fact that my trainer wants me to do The Biggest Loser challenge..... I do want to do it but the competing is a thing I don't like doing with Kris.. it sets my mind in a nasty way by not doing this for me and I have to do this for me.

Anyway I might update later as to what happened at the birthday parties.

Have a most fabulous weekend everyone.

If I haven't said before KATE congrad's on your little precious girl... she is so beautiful. BIG HUGS...

Love Chubbymum

Friday, 16 June 2006

Great Great day!

I had a great day today... nothing much happened but it was great.

Woke up and took Corbin to school and took off for the gym.

My workout today:

10 minutes on cross trainer (a month ago I couldn't do 1 minute)
15 minutes on treadmill
17 minutes on water bike (OMG it would have only been 10 except for trainer came and chatted with me grrrr he he he)
Biceps x 4 reps
Triceps x 4 reps
Bicep dips x 4 reps
Leg extensions x 4

It was fantastic.... only did an hour but I stuck to it and an hour didn't seem like it was dragging because I am trying my hardest to vary my routine.

Came home and took mum to Bingo WOHOOOOO it was great because I have the rest of the day (until 2pm) free from everyone.

So I texted a friend and went for a coffee and a savory scone (now before you say anything it was my breakfast because I hadn't had time to have any before the gym and then had to take mum to bingo) But........ I felt good about it as I worked it off and I need to be able to be normal once in a while.

After an hour of chatting and drinking I went home to have a long hot shower and do pretty things... I don't often get the chance to so I did a face pack and shaved my legs and put a special conditioner in my hair and left it for 10 minutes and did all the pretty smelly things and moisturiser on my legs and arms and did my hair and face and felt like I was on top of the world.

Had lunch and read my magazine and then went to pick up mum and then pick up Corbin from school. Took Corbin for a haircut and then came home and spent time playing cars etc with Corbin...

I just feel relaxed and I suppose that is good.

One interesting thing happened at the gym today though. My trainer came over and asked why I haven't applied for The Biggest Loser training and I said that the times were for mums and dads that don't work during the day and I do. She said "That isn't it is it?" and I said "what do you mean" she said you aren't doing it because of Kris... I said Yes! I said I cannot lose as much as her and I am not going into a competition to make me feel bad and bring down my self esteem. She deserves just as much to be in this and since she has already applied then I am not. I cannot go into a competition and not try to win and I lose a maximum of 500grams a week and she loses 2 kilos a week when being good and since there are prizes she will make sure she is losing that amount.

She said to me that we could re-arrange things and I said Why? she said because you are the one that made me do this particular competition and it doesn't seem right that you aren't doing it.

So I don't know what is going to happen. I am happy with my decision at the moment.... but with my trainer so wanting me to do this has made me think about it all day. Hmm? not sure??

Weekend is upon as again... soccer for me tomorrow ho hum. I can't wait till the season is over and only because I need my weekends back again he he he.

Hubby and I have started little pocket journals of things we would like for presents this week. We are doing this because the other day I wanted to go out and buy him a treat and the only thing I could think of was clothes because I know his size. I can't buy music because I don't know what he has got or wants and he just isn't a materilistic person so what do you buy someone like that aye? So we started our little pocket journals so that if we want to get something to say hey I love ya then suprises can happen.

Anyway I am babbling again..

Hey Karen and Kylie!!! Welcome!!! (big hugs my friends)

Big hugs to everyone else.... have a great weekend!

Love CM

Thursday, 15 June 2006

Back to writing!

I haven’t been writing in here every day for a month now… I don’t know if it is because I am getting bored with it or that my life is pretty boring at the moment.

So maybe that is the reason too that I am not losing weight anymore… maybe it is because I am not getting my feelings out about things in my life and just thinking food food and exercise? Do you reckon? I just don’t know what to think. I have been reading a lot lately about how emotions can be a big thing in hindering weight loss.

Went to my LEAN class this morning and I have sore calf muscles now arghhhhh. I really pushed myself with the treadmill today. I remember starting off a year ago on a speed of 3.5 and I thought that was too much and then up to 4.5 and now it is 6 for me and at an incline of 2.5 and I am dying by the end of it. I just love sweating… isn’t that just weird aye he he he.. before going to the gym I could never sweat… I know it sounds strange and maybe it was because I wasn’t doing enough exercise for me to sweat but I just didn’t and to feel drops coming off my forehead is just sooooo inspirational for me.

If you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever get addicted to exercise I would have said No way in hell… but OMG I am! I am addicted to exercise and feel miserable when I cannot get to go.

At the moment in our LEAN class we are getting ourselves ready for the BOOT CAMP on the 7th July and it is going to be hard I can just tell. I have a major fear of heights and in April I walked up Mount Maunganui with my family and it took all my energy to get up there because of the fear I have and getting up the last bit was so scary you wouldn’t believe and I thought Wohoooo that is the end of that! I have done it now and no one can make me do it again BUT I heard a little whisper that Crusher our trainer is going to make us go up it. I don’t want to be acting all emotional around them about my fear of heights. I don’t want to do it but I know I have to… OMG how do I get myself into these situations?

I brought a punnet of fresh fruit all cut up and peeled from Woolworths and for the last two mornings have had fresh fruit for breakfast… it has been absolutely divine I can tell you! I love fruit like watermelon and rock mellon and pineapple and it was like eating chocolate for me he he he. I just wish it wasn’t that expensive grrrrr.

One of the ladies in our LEAN and I are designing some T-Shirts for the Boot Camp and we have got some nick names to put on the shirts but we are wanting some motivational quotes to put on them as well as our trainer’s logo… so if you have any ideas please please tell me. I will post a picture of them when we have done them. Thought I would design them on the computer and put them on by transfer… hmmm a thought anyway.

I might update later on tonight… have fun guys.

Love CM

Tuesday, 13 June 2006

Losing control

I am not feeling too happy tonight.

I gained 500 grams. Ok I have my monthly and usually gain with it but for the last 2 weeks I have really tried and I have stayed the same and gained. What the hell am I doing wrong.

I took the advice of my WW leaders and they were right with the things I was doing wrong but it didn't work for me. I did the popcorn suggestion and more salads and eating more in the first half of the day instead of all at night... but it hasn't helped me and I just feel like screaming.

Came home early tonight partly because I got a text from hubby about Corbin not being well but I didn't need to come home he said but I was seething that I just had to... I wouldn't have taken in much of the meeting at all.

I feel useless and I have been yoyoing from losing 25 to 26 to 25 to 26 kilos and it is PISSING ME OFF... I sat in the car and thought well maybe I just need to stop going to WW for a while because I am really wasting my money! I haven't changed in my weight since February and I cannot say it is anyones fault but my own really but for Christ sake... a year ago I was eating WAY more and doing absolutly NO exercise and in 2 years I had only gained 2 kilos from the last time I had been to WW. So why can I gain 500 grams in 1 week and feel like a complete and utter useless bitch!

I am doing 4 to 5 days of exercise a week. I am pushing myself like you wouldn't believe and this bullshit about muscle.. can only be used a little and not for all this crap that is going on with me not losing weight. I mean I even drank all my water every single day this week and if you have been reading for a while you know how much I HATE water...

I haven't had takeaways like for a bloody year! I haven't had cheese like I used to either.

I don't know what else to do!

I am at a loss! I am going to track again this week! Keep to it and drink that horrible water and do my exercise! But if I have not lost anything next week then that is it! I am going to give up Weight Watchers for a couple of weeks because in all honesty I cannot afford to waste my money again if things are going well.

I want last year back again when I was losing! Why isn't it working? I don't think I have gone back to my old ways. My husband doesn't think that I have been bad with my food either and cannot understand it. He is going to watch me closely this week and point out things on my tracker and we shall see what happens.

Anyway signing off for now as I am just making myself angrier.


Sunday, 11 June 2006

Woohooo what a day

I worked out today... I don't usually go in on a Sunday but thought I would today as Kris asked if I wanted to go for a spa but she had an appointment with her trainer... so me feeling guilty about going for a spa and not working out before hand (even though I have done 5 days this week) thought I would go in. So I got there at 10.30 and one of my team from LEAN was pulling in at the same time.. I said "are you following me" laughing and so we decided we would go through our program at the gym and see how long it really takes. WELLLLLL here is is: Remember there are instructions on how to do each thing in detail with 1 minute this and 1 minute that and 30 seconds this etc etc so:

  • 10 minutes on the spin bike

  • Dumbbell push ups (20 kilo bar)

  • Bicep curls 4 sets of 12

  • Triceps 4 sets of 12

  • Bicep dips 4 sets of 12

  • 10 minutes on crosstrainer

  • 10 minutes on rower

  • Sit ups on sit up bench 4 sets of 12

  • Sit ups on ball 4 sets of 12

  • 10 push ups and 1 set of stairs (times 5)

  • Leg extensions 4 sets of 12

  • Calf raises 4 sets of 12

  • Leg cursl 4 sets of 12

  • 15 minutes on bike

  • 15 minutes on treadmill
  • That all took 1 hour and 40 minutes OMG OMG I was feeling pumped by the end of it. I have never had a partner doing the gym that actually pushed me instead of me having to push them... it felt wonderful as it was encouraging by both of us and we kept going and the time went so fast. We are going to do it again next week and I cannot wait.

    Then we went for a spa and ended up talking about Kris and her weight loss and problems which is usually what happens when we are with Kris... I cannot say it is bad that we do it, just that I don't find that she ever asks about how we are doing or that she really cares if we are doing well... it might sound harsh and I am not trying to be that harsh but I sometimes wonder if she really knows anything about my life or how I feel... my team mate from LEAN was there and we tried to talk about other things but ended up going back to Kris's weight problems... and it is great to talk to her about it and try and help her but that is all I seem to do with her... Why hmmm? I don't want it to be all about me when we meet but it never is anything but her. I know shut up CM... just that I sometimes wish she would ask how my life is going? or talk about something other than weight loss....

    I have been really good with my water this week... anyone that has been reading for a while knows I HATE water with a passion but I have been constantly have 3 x 750mls of water a day and more if I can... but that is a lot for me and I am going to try and get it up to 4 x 750mls. Food has been ok and I have been pointing and I have stuck to it but maybe choices could have been better but Tuesday will tell... I have been FANTASTIC with my exercise though and have thoroughly enjoyed the exercise.

    Soooo I am sore tonight he he he and it is great!

    Have a great week everyone

    Love CM

    Thursday, 8 June 2006

    Tough guy/gal

    Went to the gym this morning and it was a great work out and we didn't go outside woohoooooooo because the last two LEAN sessions have been out in that bloody cold... brrrr.

    Worked my legs and arms today and more cardio and sweated like a pig he he he. Crusher our trainer was in such a funny mood and I could hear her laughing while she was talking to two of the other ladies in our group and then she started walking over to me... with this cheeky smile on her face.

    Made some small talk and then said... "I have worked out our next challenge after our boot camp (which by the way we are doing on the 7th July arghhhh)" big grin from her face...

    I said "OH MY GOD what?" she looked at me and paused (like she was scared to tell me)

    she said "The Tough Guy/Gal Challenge"

    I said "you have to be bloody joking!!!, my work mates are doing that and it is like mud up to your neck!! NOPE NOPE NOPE not doing it"

    She said "I told the girls that your first reaction was going to be that"

    I said "MUD OMG you want me to go in a mud bath and drown... me being such a shorty"

    She looked at me and said "YUP" with that stupid grin.

    So I am now thinking about it..... but I know for sure I will be doing the 5km race and not the 10km one... especially for my first one. But I want to do it with someone and not be left behind... I am not going to do this by myself.. so if no one in the group is doing the 5km then I am not going to do it...

    I am still self conscious about my body and what I think it is like. The fact that I am a really big person and getting out there in front of people (especially something this big) and having them judge me. I know that you will say that they will be thinking about what they are going to do in this event but there is always the niggle in the back of my mind. I know with time I might change my view of how I look etc and what I can achieve but it is going to take time. Go have a peek here

    So if I can convince one of them to stay with me... then I think I will do it.

    I am enjoying LEAN and every time being something different is giving me this buzz so hey at least that will take me to August and after that well what the hey.

    Took Quinn to Lollipops today and met Hera and her daughter there... it was great to chat and the kids to play and play and play. We are going to do it again next week woohoooo. Time went so fast.

    Got home and had lunch and Quinn was telling me a lot that he had a sore tummy so I said to him that he needs to go to the loo because maybe it hasn't been for a while and then he came and hugged me and threw up on me ARGHHHHHHH and so I got up and get him to the toilet and he did it again... poor wee man. I think he had just had too much of the biscuit at Lollipops (it was a big biscuit he chose that is for sure). Poor wee man... but he is sooo fine now and teasing his brother and running around like a mad man...

    So that has been my day WHEW!!

    Food has been ok. Water is more than I normally have so hey.... I got my water right aye. I have to get 500 grams this week!! Have to... have to... I want to be in the teens by the time I go to Wellington!!!

    Love ya all

    Tuesday, 6 June 2006

    Gotta do it!

    Ok.. so I tried what my WW leader said this week with the tracking and eating more in the morning and I felt sluggish all day and I wasn't really happy with eating more during the day.

    And I stayed the same! didn't lose... didn't gain so hey it is time to kick butt.

    I am still eating too much bread.... it is just hard with work doing anything other than sandwiches.. so I have to try this week to sort that out and not have as many sandwiches. Having salads aren't exactly something that I can be bothered making when I get up at 5.30am for the gym and go straight to work or when I have to start work at 7.30.. it is hard enough to get the kids all sorted ya know.

    I have to do this guys... I have plateaued so since January and I am tired of it. I need support!! How can I get back on top of it?

    Maybe I will track what I eat on here and be honest! I mean I am honest on my tracker but when you are putting it up for everyone to see it is sometimes a lot harder to put it there.

    So my goals for this week:

  • Drink at least 2 x 750ml water (OHHH how I hate the stuff)

  • Track... Track... Track...

  • Really push it at the gym and stop just doing what I have to but go all out and sweat more... sweat sweat sweat he he he
  • Thank you all for your comments guys... it has been the thing that has changed me around today because I was starting to doubt myself.

    Ok... so after the meeting tonight a lovely lady that I have been chatting to on and off at WW said that she wasn't coming back to WW next week as things haven't been going right for her, and said that she has told one of our leaders.

    I don't want her to give up... I know that it is a hard thing losing weight and I want to help her like my WW leaders have been doing. Not that she is a pet project or something (because when I read this it sounded like it) but because I know this lady is talking to me because I feel she really wants to do this but maybe needs someone to talk to about it. You know sometimes people can succeed if they have a goal they want to achieve and maybe a friend to talk about it that is going through the same thing will make the difference.

    So if you are reading WW friend... we can do this! I know we can and our little challenge of losing between 500 grams and 1 kilo this week is going to happen!! Let's make it happen. You have my email... so I am always here to listen and maybe we can motivate each other to get out of this rut.

    Hubby seems to think I should have a personal training with Crusher my trainer every second week for an extra day apart from LEAN. I am seriously thinking about it that is for sure. Because I want to lose this.. but I don't think it is the exercise anymore that is in my way. I think it is the food. Plus I have gone back to drinking V... OMG I just went nuts when I didn't have it so

    I have opened my diary to the public again.. I need the support! I can't have it passworded anymore. I need your help guys! I need the comments to keep me going.

    So I am going to religiously come on here and write every night and I am going to let it out on here again and I need you guys to be honest and tell me what you think about what I am writing... not being nasty though ok because my self esteem is not up there at the moment.

    Woohoo it is my friday at work tomorrow and then I am walking with Hera around the lake on Thursday and I can't wait for that... it is like a breath of fresh air going walking with her.. it is really great meeting new friends and getting to know them... ya know.

    Anyway I am going to have dinner now as I don't have dinner before going to weigh in and I am sooooooooo HUNGRY.

    Love you all

    Sunday, 4 June 2006

    Will I get there?

    I am hooked on Gilmore girls... does anyone else watch it. I get sooooo OHHHH smiley or something while watching it. I feel like happy and I wished that I had their life sometimes. I sit there watching it all inspired and wanting that me and my boys would have the relationship that they both have. I love the way they talk and how fast they talk and just everything in it... I know I sound like a teenager but I feel like a teenager watching it. I have watched it from day one and I have also watched the re-runs of it as well.

    I wish that I was a University student learning and not having any money worries or kid worries sometimes too.

    I get a rush from this program... OMG that is silly isn't it! It is isn't it he he he he

    Well we didn't have any money to go out for dinner etc last night for our 17 year of meeting anniversary ho hum.

    Hubby said that he would run the bath and give me a massage etc but you know what I didn't want that. I wanted to indulge last night and I know it wasn't very good for my weight loss but I have been sticking to points and counting my sugar points and my exercise points and doing so much to keep to it that last night I wanted to go off it and so we made an antipasto plate with some bubblies and watched a murder mystery which just made me soooo happy. It was soooo yummmmmmmy and I was happy.

    Hubby and I went out looking at cars today and taking them for test drives... it was good to get out without the kids and to do something grown up even if it was just looking at cars.

    I am happy with my new blog and especially the fact that I can say what I feel about my life but OMG it feels dead in here. I got more comments from people in the other journal and I know it shouldn't but it inspired me to keep going with the journal and with my weight loss. In the last 2 weeks I was wondering if it was all worth keeping it going because I haven't been getting any inpiration from it... and feeling like I am not loved or something. Now I know that I am loved pleasssssse don't get me wrong but 2 comments and sometimes 3.... is just not enough to keep me going. I am having 100 or more hits a day and getting 2 comments... am I that boring... I am thinking so.

    So anyway we went out today to look at cars as our van is just getting too old for us (we have had it 6 years now). We have a Nissan Serena and we are looking at a Nissan Primera... The new type. But that is just the first day of looking so we shall see what happens.

    Will I ever get to the dreaded 30 kilos!! Will I!! I know that most of you will say yes but it just doesn't seem possible!! It just doesn't!


    Friday, 2 June 2006

    17 Years With Hubby

    I had an hour personal training by myself today with Crusher the trainer OMG OMG she almost killed me.

    I have been very weary about getting on the cross trainer because I have a major problem with my knee and the doctor has told me to go to a specialist... but decided to tackle it today and see if I could do it (with Crusher teaching me how to stand properly) and I did it for 5 minutes 5 5 5 5 5 MINUTES woohooo I didn't think that I would last that long that is for sure. Tonight I am not feeling any discomfort in my knee so hopefully if I keep with how she has told me to do it then I will be ok.

    I have carpet marks on my elbows from doing the up on elbows and toes for tummy crunches and on both of my elbows I have burn marks he he he woohooo I know I worked hard that is for sure.

    Cross Trainer
    Recumbant Water bike
    Standing arms Water bike
    Leg Lifts
    Full on tummy crunches holding for 30 seconds.

    OMG OMG OMG it was such an exhilerating hour.

    Then spent the rest of the day taxi driving my mum around or the kids and I actually had an hour where I didn't have anyone around and I went upstairs to my bedroom and gave myself a facial and had a shower and just had some time to myself.

    Woohoo tomorrow is an important day for me and hubby... I met my husband tomorrow 17 years ago! OMG I cannot believe that I have been with him that long.

    Ok so in a months time I have been with my gym for a year and it is the best move that I ever made. Anyway hubby said he would like to join so we are going to save up a little bit so that he can come with me.... it would be great for both of us that is for sure. Hubby needs to get some exercise and I like going with someone and who better than my best friend aye. So that is going to be good. Woohooo

    Anyway I am going now to bed... need my sleep.

    Love CM

    Thursday, 1 June 2006


    I didn't want to get up at 5.30am this morning! I didn't... I didn't.... I didn't and I had so many excuses... Weight Watchers have been talking about excuses in the last meeting and I got up fast when thinking about my Weight Watcher leaders and thought I want to lose this week and no excuses are going to happen... it is funny how it made me feel... because we had to go out of the gym (Lean class this morning) and go down the road about 2km (walking faster than I have ever done in my life) to a killer hill and we went up and down and up and down the hill.

    Then she got us to go fast back to the gym up to do the treadmill 1 minute fast and 1 minute recover and then I went on the water bike standing up doing arm work and had to go 30 second backwards (recovery) and 30 seconds hard out going over 50rpm and normally my hard out rpms are 35 so OOOOOMMMMMGGG I was sweating soooo much it was absolutly bloody fantastic.

    I have been trying what my WW leaders have set me for this week for the past two days and I must admit I have not felt hungry at night time and I am eating my exercise points (up to 14) and not feeling nibblish at night time like I have been... but feeling really uncomfortably full which I am not like at all. I hate that full feeling. Time will tell that is for sure! I better lose something this week!!!

    If not I don't know what I am doing wrong.. I am trying so hard to change my habits and I have my WW leader and my Trainer telling me what they think I am doing wrong and they are both saying similar things so if it doesn't work then dammit!!! it is not the food he he he.

    Anyway going to bed now.

    Love CM