Wednesday, 10 October 2007
Uh Oh.... she's back
I have spent tonight doing a header for Chris as I had an idea this afternoon and soooo wanted to do it so she now has a new header...
I am really sore at the moment.
Went to the gym tonight and worked my butt off and ran on the treadmill more than I usually do... then Kris came in BUGGER SHIT FUCK she is back at the gym. She went to another gym (but obviously she didn't get the attention she does at this gym) and now she is back.. she came up to talk but secretly I was PISSED like you wouldn't believe because I don't want to see her there everytime I am there..
But to be honest (he he he like my post last night) I worked harder because she was there because I wanted her to see that she didn't stop me doing what I was doing, and that I am doing REALLY well without her, and even though she fucked up my trainer and my Lean group for me I am still doing it... I am still losing and she didn't win....
I am happier without her in my life... but in saying that I am not going to go out of my way like I did at the end of last year to avoid her either. I am going to keep to my routine at the gym and keep to doing the things I like and if she is there I am going to do more and more but she isn't going to know that it affects me.
Jeremy was saying tonight that she has gained a hell of a lot of weight. She said to me a couple of weeks ago that she had gained 15 kilos back so that would make her back to 100 kilos (I assume) so I am not sure if that made me feel better or not...... it made me realise that I don't want to gain mine back and I want to change my lifestyle and not just lose it all and gain it back because I hadn't worked out what I had done to make me fat in the first place (OMG I am not getting at anyone that has lost and gained and lost.... just rambling ok... see here I am watching what I am saying stop it CM)
I think the thing I want to be weary of is that I am not going to stop trying when I get down to goal... that to maintain is just as good as to lose because when you get to your goal I have heard that it is the hardest thing to stay there.... so that is going to be a huge challenge for me.
I do want to achieve this but I am still sure that I don't want to lose it too fast...
I think the reason it has taken me so long to stop yoyoing from the 121 to 120's is that I was afraid to be in the teens... because then it means.... well I don't know what it means maybe it means that I have to work hard to keep going.... or maybe it means that I am comfortable at this weight because I am not noticed... When I was a teenager I was NEVER short of a boyfriends (not trying to show a big head) just that I didn't like the attention that much...
I do like being told that they have noticed that I have lost weight but then it makes me aware that if I gain it that people are also going to notice and judge..
Ok I am rambling now.
OHHHHH and I got a payrise today.. not a lot but it was a payrise woohoooo