Saturday, 29 January 2005

Hurtful people.....

I want to write in here tonight but have been sitting here thinking what on earth can I talk about.

Do you ever get the feeling that you have been naughty but really you haven't. I think I have lost enthusiasm for dieting... I know I know it is a life style change but sometimes I don't want to think about what every bite going into my mouth is. I mean even drinks you have to think about.
I was a little naughty today but I incorporated them into my tracking. I had 2 mallow puff (chocy biscuits). I know I shouldn't have but it has been since 16 December that I decided to change the lifestyle... but I just had to have something sweet today that didn't taste like "sweetener"
Why have I lost my spirit with this lifestyle change? I know I want to loose weight I know that it is good for me and that my husband and kids will benefit but I am not into it this week. I will I know get back into it. I have been reading other peoples diary's and they go through the same thing so it is normal at least.

Do you ever read other peoples diary's and think... I wish I could sound so intelligent and on to it as they do. They have such interesting things to say and I can only come up with what I have not eaten or binge on... GEESH sometimes it can get so frustrating.

I don't know why but I don't want to go for a walk... it is like staring me in the face "go do some exercise! go get out and have a walk"! I enjoy Kick boxing (Taebo) at the gym and don't really want to do anything else... but I know that if I did walking as well then that would help me even faster. I just get this little voice saying don't go it is too much and people will stare as you are so big. Normally it doesn't worry me and when I am with my husband I don't care because I am loved no matter what... but when I go walking just for walking I don't feel that I have the right too.

Last time I started on my journey to slimsville I was walking around the lake and feeling really good about myself I was pushing my son in his pram and these young boys (in a car (cowards)) and shouted out the window while driving past. It sounded like something to do with hey fatty or something like that... since then I just don't want to go out. I know it is their problem but that is what people are like and I don't want to go through that again... I can't!!! it took me off my weight loss journey and has taken 2 years to get myself back on to it again.

I also know that I can do things on a video at home but don't ever seem to finish the video etc.
I know I sound like a silly little girl being scared of people like that.. but I got home and cried and cried and cried as it really hurt me deep down. Until now I didn't realise how much it hurt me.

Anyway I am going now

Chubby Mum

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