Wednesday, 6 June 2007

What the F**K is wrong with me

A wake up call today...

Kris asked me to go to morning tea with her this morning and sitting across from the table it made me even more aware that I am glad I am not totally in her life anymore but ok with going to morning tea with her. She has finally got her shit together with her life but it made me anry too only because she now goes to my lean and has my trainer and it still pisses me off that she took over my trainer and my team (and I know I could go back but I don't want to spend any more time with her than a cup of coffee).

Also she has no way to cause trouble for me like she did over this blog... it felt great that my life is a mystery in that aspect. Plus I can still blog and she doesn't have a clue what I am writing it is great.

It is good that her life is going well and she is feeling better but looking at her she has lost 45 kilos and looks sick... she is gaunt and look too skinny (not sure that that is the way to say it but not in a healthy way).... but it has made me aware that I am piss assing around and I am doing the right thing and not having nasty food but I have not in the last week worried about portions or food at all. I am happy that I am not obsessing but I am not happy that I am not losing it either... and really it is my own fault.

I gained 500 grams this week and to be fair we went out for lunch and I have had a little too much bread (which is my downfall) I haven't gone overboard but I could have had other options.

My portions suck... I am having the same as I have had since I started but I have lost 34 kilos so realistically I should be going down in size too as my stomach is not as big anymore ya know... and I haven't realised that until watching Downsize me last night. Too much of a good thing is not good.

I am sorry I haven't been around posting much lately but with trying to get everything up and running with the Wedding Expo (which is scaring me no end because I don't feel like my invites are good enough) and with also finishing a wedding at the moment for a customer I have been a little bit preoccupied. And Lee-Anne I am doing your invites at the moment too just want to have a couple of different options for you to look at ok.... I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU!!! MWAHHH.

Also looking forward to getting together at ChrisH house in August that is going to be soooo exciting and to be getting away for a weekend without kids is a good thing too Woohoooo... hopefully by then I will be able to afford to go down as well arghhhh.

Seeing Kris today has put the shit up me (sorry for the language today) and made me realise I can do both but I HAVE TO WANT TO... and ok I am not gaining as such because every second week I am losing etc but it has to stop!!!

So far my food today is:

Breakfast: Hubbards Fejoia Cereal, Mandarins, Bottle of water

Lunch: Chicken Salad

I am going out tonight with one of the kids friends parents to a show about How to raise boys and that will be great... can't wait... it will be good to go out with them without kids being around and just being us and they have two boys as well. OH an exciting I lead huh NOT he he he.

I need to have Leanne (from Downsize me) at my house telling me to stop being a silly bitch!!!

Anyway I will come on later but right now I have to go and do some more invites.

Love ya



Abba said...

I don't know much about this Kris person. Does she have a blog? Good thing you went to invite only. I am glad you are letting us be a part of your life. Now, get your chin up girlie! You are a strong woman! And I think you are doing positively wonderful!

Lisa said...

Sorry about the gain hun. Chin up, its a new week etc etc. Hope you are feeling better now after getting it out, we are always hear for you to vent to.

Take care

Lyn said...

If money is a problem with getting down to Chris's, I'm sure Lee-anne wouldn't mind you car pooling with us. You could drive down to Rotorua (like me) and catch a ride from there.

Portions are a very important part. I wonder if you should re consider ww online. Their tracking journal is absolutely wonderful, especially for getting tight on portion sizes. No guessing needed.

Lee-Anne said...

Hun I think that's a great idea you coming down with us. All you have to do is get over to Rotorua.

Just pulled my finger out and I've pencilled in a couple of wedding dates. The venue I have my eye on is sending through their package along with some of the hotels.

I figure pretty much time to make a move and nut things out.

Will talk to Col tonight and get back to you.

Chris H said...

You girls work on it, I really would love to see all of you in August!!! I soooo can't wait, and CM, you are doing just fine... a small gain is not the end of the earth when you have so much on!

Christine said...

Portions are my problem as well, I feel your pain there. Take care - next week will be better!

Name: Lynise said...

Hi Mandy,
Yippeee, great to hear you hope to get down to Chris's in August.
You are certainly more then welcome to come with me. I will be driving down and it would lovely to have company.
I'm planning on driving down Friday mid afternoon and staying both Friday and Saturday at a motel so your more then welcome to stay where ever I end up as well.
(I've got tons of flybuys (about 15,000 from memory) so I'm either going to use those on accomodation or a AA accommodation my parents won and gave to me so it won't cost anything.
Let me know, would love to have someone to gas bag with on the trip down.

Livy said...

Why are you having MT with this woman who has caused you so much unhappiness Mandy? You sound mentally strong, which is a good thing right now. I'm here for ya babe.

Tania said...

Firstly you're doing great a journey that takes time has to have a few hiccups along the way, but being aware of changes you want to make is a good start.

As to your friend - take motivation from her or from anything else that will spur you on, it really does work.

I so can relate to the bread thing - it's my biggest down fall and I have days where I eat far too much as well but i'm being a little more conscious. I know I have to avoid it just before weigh in because i'm always disgusted with the result.

But you WILL get there - turn this weeks gain around next week and you're back on the right track.

Anne said...

Bread - that's my downfall as well, could but don't easily have it with every meal. Don't know but may be worth mentioning - maybe you could help reduce your portion sizes if you fill up on something point friendly first, like point free soup, or load up on more veges.

The main thing is long term those scales are heading down!! You can do it! Doesn't matter if it's slower than you would like, you have made some huge changes in your life and that it is the important thing.

I'm telling myself now - just get through one day at a time - it's helping.

Jules said...

Hey darling

Now, that photo of you is great. I love the enjoyment I see in it and I think it just sums up how life should feel!!

As for your offer for the invites I really really appreciate it. I would need to know approximate costs soon though as we are on extreme tight budget. Have you got any photos of your stuff??

Email me:

As for the motivation, I would try and stick to one rule at a time. If I was you, I would try cutting out ALL bread for a week and see how it feels. I feel a different person gluten free and I am losing weight without even trying. And my energy levels are great.

Rachel said...

YAY your going to Chris's in August.....yay, yay, yay, can't wait for a catch up. Driving down with Lynise sounds like fun (or Lyn and Lee-anne), I just love roadtrips.
Helena and I are going up together (coming home the same night) which I'm really looking forward to.

Bugger about the gain, onwards and upwards sweetie.

STOP seeing Kris, you always have a mini meltdown and question everything your doing whenever you are near her..........YOU DON'T NEED HER IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL!!!

Kiss kiss