Wednesday, 6 June 2007
What the F**K is wrong with me
A wake up call today...
Kris asked me to go to morning tea with her this morning and sitting across from the table it made me even more aware that I am glad I am not totally in her life anymore but ok with going to morning tea with her. She has finally got her shit together with her life but it made me anry too only because she now goes to my lean and has my trainer and it still pisses me off that she took over my trainer and my team (and I know I could go back but I don't want to spend any more time with her than a cup of coffee).
Also she has no way to cause trouble for me like she did over this blog... it felt great that my life is a mystery in that aspect. Plus I can still blog and she doesn't have a clue what I am writing it is great.
It is good that her life is going well and she is feeling better but looking at her she has lost 45 kilos and looks sick... she is gaunt and look too skinny (not sure that that is the way to say it but not in a healthy way).... but it has made me aware that I am piss assing around and I am doing the right thing and not having nasty food but I have not in the last week worried about portions or food at all. I am happy that I am not obsessing but I am not happy that I am not losing it either... and really it is my own fault.
I gained 500 grams this week and to be fair we went out for lunch and I have had a little too much bread (which is my downfall) I haven't gone overboard but I could have had other options.
My portions suck... I am having the same as I have had since I started but I have lost 34 kilos so realistically I should be going down in size too as my stomach is not as big anymore ya know... and I haven't realised that until watching Downsize me last night. Too much of a good thing is not good.
I am sorry I haven't been around posting much lately but with trying to get everything up and running with the Wedding Expo (which is scaring me no end because I don't feel like my invites are good enough) and with also finishing a wedding at the moment for a customer I have been a little bit preoccupied. And Lee-Anne I am doing your invites at the moment too just want to have a couple of different options for you to look at ok.... I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU!!! MWAHHH.
Also looking forward to getting together at ChrisH house in August that is going to be soooo exciting and to be getting away for a weekend without kids is a good thing too Woohoooo... hopefully by then I will be able to afford to go down as well arghhhh.
Seeing Kris today has put the shit up me (sorry for the language today) and made me realise I can do both but I HAVE TO WANT TO... and ok I am not gaining as such because every second week I am losing etc but it has to stop!!!
So far my food today is:
Breakfast: Hubbards Fejoia Cereal, Mandarins, Bottle of water
Lunch: Chicken Salad
I am going out tonight with one of the kids friends parents to a show about How to raise boys and that will be great... can't wait... it will be good to go out with them without kids being around and just being us and they have two boys as well. OH an exciting I lead huh NOT he he he.
I need to have Leanne (from Downsize me) at my house telling me to stop being a silly bitch!!!
Anyway I will come on later but right now I have to go and do some more invites.