I have no excuse for the gain that will happen tonight... I am just unhappy because I really wanted this challenge to get my arse in to gear and I have fallen off after only two weeks.
I just wanted to be able to lose the 5 kilos in the 10 weeks ya know.. I wanted something to kick me off.
I guess I am bored!!! and that isn't an excuse either..
- I am bored with dieting.
- I am bored with tracking.
- I am tired of worrying about what I eat.
- I am tired of feeling like I have to constantly watch the scales.
- I tend to want food that I can't have even though I don't want it.
- I am soooooo tired of being a moaner.
- I wish there was a magic pill.
- I know I have to be realisitic and it isn't going to come off by magic.
- I am tired of feeling like I am losing a battle... and that others are soo more on to it than me.
- I hate feeling sorry for myself.
- I look back on the last year and I was crap at the losing weight.
- I DON'T want to give up but feel like I am going to.
What keeps me motivated? I am not sure!! and I suppose I have to find out what that is.
I think I am trying too many different things to lose the weight and not sticking to anything that things are going right.
I am finding now that when I do more exercise that I am wanting more food and I should be trying to eat good wholesome food but what I am grabbing for is bread.... bread.... and more bread.
I want to find something that I am comfortable with and that I can stick out more than 2 weeks.
I want it to feel normal and for it to feel that I am leading a normal life and not to think think think about it... and I know that for me to loose weight that I have to think about it.... can't win really.
I have this pit in my stomach and I don't want to go to Weight Watchers tonight!!! I feel like I am going through the motions but it isn't clicking with my head. I don't want to go to Weight Watchers only because I am spending money and really not getting anywhere fast...
I am not wanting to not go to Weight Watchers because of the leaders... because they are wonderful... but is Weight Watchers helping me? I feel like I am spending money to weigh in and I can weigh in and know what my weight is at home. I know what I should be doing... well I should after 2 years...
Tell me what you all think? Is it worth keeping on with Weight Watchers just because I adore the leaders? I stay for the meetings but am I listening or am I getting frustrated that all these wonderful ladies are losing this weight and what is their secret and I am doing FUCK all.
I have also found that I have been doing more exercise and I am not losing as well but I love doing the exercise... why is it that something you enjoy and that is supposed to be good for you isn't helping in the one thing you want.... and it is supposed to help with the weight loss.
I worked my butt off last year with exercise and triathlons, boot camps, tough guy/gal challenges and I didn't loose much weight... why grrrr??? because I can't figure it out! I can't work out if I am doing too much exercise and is this hindering my weight loss? Or am I not doing enough cardio? or weights?
I know that it isn't just exercise and that food is a big part but I am keeping within my points and varying my food... so the reason for it I just don't know.... I am getting myself in such a tizz about it..
It feels like one week on a high next week on a low... and HATE living my life like this.
I do know that all of you are going through the same thing and if there was a magic cure then you would be doing it as well....
Sometimes I feel like eating salad every meal and slowly I will lose the weight or doing the shake for breakfast lunch and dinner and then I wouldn't have to worry about what I am eating... or maybe stop eating altogther.
I know it is a head space thing!!! I do realise this!!! just how to get my head around it every week instead of feeling like I am bi-polar and one week I am high and the next just normal and then the next on this extreme low and not wanting to talk to anyone or see anyone or even get out of bed!