Tuesday, 1 May 2007

Hissy Fit

Ok now that my hissy fit is over.

I have no excuse for the gain that will happen tonight... I am just unhappy because I really wanted this challenge to get my arse in to gear and I have fallen off after only two weeks.

I just wanted to be able to lose the 5 kilos in the 10 weeks ya know.. I wanted something to kick me off.

I guess I am bored!!! and that isn't an excuse either..
  • I am bored with dieting.
  • I am bored with tracking.
  • I am tired of worrying about what I eat.
  • I am tired of feeling like I have to constantly watch the scales.
  • I tend to want food that I can't have even though I don't want it.
  • I am soooooo tired of being a moaner.
  • I wish there was a magic pill.
  • I know I have to be realisitic and it isn't going to come off by magic.
  • I am tired of feeling like I am losing a battle... and that others are soo more on to it than me.
  • I hate feeling sorry for myself.
  • I look back on the last year and I was crap at the losing weight.
  • I DON'T want to give up but feel like I am going to.

What keeps me motivated? I am not sure!! and I suppose I have to find out what that is.

I think I am trying too many different things to lose the weight and not sticking to anything that things are going right.

I am finding now that when I do more exercise that I am wanting more food and I should be trying to eat good wholesome food but what I am grabbing for is bread.... bread.... and more bread.

I want to find something that I am comfortable with and that I can stick out more than 2 weeks.

I want it to feel normal and for it to feel that I am leading a normal life and not to think think think about it... and I know that for me to loose weight that I have to think about it.... can't win really.

I have this pit in my stomach and I don't want to go to Weight Watchers tonight!!! I feel like I am going through the motions but it isn't clicking with my head. I don't want to go to Weight Watchers only because I am spending money and really not getting anywhere fast...

I am not wanting to not go to Weight Watchers because of the leaders... because they are wonderful... but is Weight Watchers helping me? I feel like I am spending money to weigh in and I can weigh in and know what my weight is at home. I know what I should be doing... well I should after 2 years...

Tell me what you all think? Is it worth keeping on with Weight Watchers just because I adore the leaders? I stay for the meetings but am I listening or am I getting frustrated that all these wonderful ladies are losing this weight and what is their secret and I am doing FUCK all.

I have also found that I have been doing more exercise and I am not losing as well but I love doing the exercise... why is it that something you enjoy and that is supposed to be good for you isn't helping in the one thing you want.... and it is supposed to help with the weight loss.

I worked my butt off last year with exercise and triathlons, boot camps, tough guy/gal challenges and I didn't loose much weight... why grrrr??? because I can't figure it out! I can't work out if I am doing too much exercise and is this hindering my weight loss? Or am I not doing enough cardio? or weights?

I know that it isn't just exercise and that food is a big part but I am keeping within my points and varying my food... so the reason for it I just don't know.... I am getting myself in such a tizz about it..

It feels like one week on a high next week on a low... and HATE living my life like this.

I do know that all of you are going through the same thing and if there was a magic cure then you would be doing it as well....

Sometimes I feel like eating salad every meal and slowly I will lose the weight or doing the shake for breakfast lunch and dinner and then I wouldn't have to worry about what I am eating... or maybe stop eating altogther.

I know it is a head space thing!!! I do realise this!!! just how to get my head around it every week instead of feeling like I am bi-polar and one week I am high and the next just normal and then the next on this extreme low and not wanting to talk to anyone or see anyone or even get out of bed!



Anne said...

I don't think there is anyone out there can't relate to how you are feeling! Hate to say that even though I've lost most of what I want to lose that I still feel exactly the same as you do! Thet's when it kicks in that these issues will be with us forever.

Sorry - I should be trying to make you feel better. Positive thought - try and think back to how you used to feel and how much better you are nowdays with what you have achieved. Hang in there:-)

Lyn said...

When I lost weight last time I went through many highs and lows in motivation and I came to learn that it comes in seasons and that is NORMAL!!! You cannot be pumped continuesly, it just doesn't happen. But what you need to do is firstly accept that you are unmotivated and do what I call tread water.. meaning - do all those things that you have set up as habits, your walking and exercise that you love, blogging ... and then for the eating bit, get yourself tracking... when I don't track I fail, simple. Even if you don't eat the right foods at least you are tracking it.

Then one day out of the blue something will kickstart you again to feel motivated.

Chris H said...

Oh bugger you are feeling bummed, join the bloody queue. So, how was ya day, hows the boys, hows the man, hows the house, how's ya hair.... pink like mine? Go buy something nice, or do something nice for yourself, get out there and have some fun, and forget about bloody food for a minute or hour! Just enjoy life girl, the rest will sort itself out. Eventually. STop being miserable, decide you are going to be happy and stick to it. I am.

Chris H said...

Meant in the NICEST WAY !!!!

celtic_girl said...

Sorry, I have no magical answer or pill to offer you. I do know that the "magic" (for want of a better word) has to come from within you.If WW is not doing it for you, change it, start researching things you can do. Maybe the shakes are worth trying, you could mix it up 3 days on 3 days off and when on them go for two meals on shakes and the third as a "normal" meal. Do you get the "Symply too good to be true" cookbooks in NZ? They are great her website is
www.symplytoogood.com.au worth having a look. What kicks my butt into gear is "Tough Love" and the thought of going back to how I felt before. Remembering how hard it was for me to cut my toenails, even wipe my bum, etc etc. All things most people take for granted. I am never,never going back even if it takes me till I'm 100!!! lol As Winston Churchill said, "Never, Never,Never Give Up"

Leighanne said...

I know exactly how you feel - after watching my food for so long - I just want to eat like a normal person and not have to worry about how much fat,points,ect
...very frustrating!!

Felicity said...

guess what girlfriend we are at this for a long time cause we got a lot to loose some only have 10k to loose and takes 6mths and then they see a size 14 jeans in wardrobe and can go I dun it...us we have to be at it for EVER and still no size 14 jeans but we are doing it we are winning and sometimes we might get a bit bored with it all but we need to find some thing new something to bring back that buzz somehting to make it work till the next time
that goes for both of us when I come back from wellington we r going to take action thats means u and me are going to take this bull(shit) by the horns and break its back. till then hold on cause its gonna be a rocky ride.