Wednesday, 22 November 2006

Private now - Thank you!

Thank you for all your comments in my last post.

I do understand where you are all coming from, but for me having that woman around does the opposite for me...

I know it would show I was the bigger person and go to class, but if you know half the things (which I haven't put in here) then you would understand why I couldn't.

I was told by three different people in three different situations that they were glad I am not friends with her anymore because of how she used to put me down in front of me and I didn't even seem to realise. I DO NOT want to put myself in the situation where I am feeling insignificant again where I don't see what she is doing.

I tried for the last year to help her out and was always the one there when she needed me when she would break down over her stupid car or her husband wasn't treating her right (and believe me he does more for her than other husbands do she is just not grateful) or this and that.

I was the one that looked after her kids for 6 hours while she was in hospital so her husband could go up there but she thanked chloe on her blog for all her help yet I fed the kids and looked after them and cancelled all my plans to help her out.

When she was going through problems where Sgt Major was being horrible to her in the fact that she was having all this junk food and also not telling the truth with her trackers and I was the one that said to her straight "if you cry wolf a thousand times then he isn't going to listen anymore he has to learn to trust you again" and since that she has been more positive and getting on with things and believe me it took me a lot to tell her something that she didn't want to hear but others had been saying but not to her face.... but that is what friends do and then I get branded as the controlling one when I tried to help her.... and it worked because she finally realised that I was right and things started getting better.

I ALWAYS listened to her and was there to support her but when I was going through difficult situations she NEVER listened and never helped out one bit.... I don't want to go back to feeling bad about myself and how I cannot lose the weight and she is better than me... my self esteem wouldn't take it again.

What I don't understand is that when we were friends Kris tried to get in to my team and Crusher wouldn't let her because it would hinder us both. Yet now Crusher is letting her in this team now and we aren't friends and I am really distressed about it. I suppose once again it makes me feel insignaficant and she will be all nice and wonderful and show me up again and there goes my self esteem again. I don't want to put myself in that situation.

I know it sounds like a school kid thing but she effects me like you wouldn't believe. In the last two months I have lost and I am finally getting my life together and had a chat to Crusher last night about doing things in the class that would make Debbie and I feel a little bit more like a team instead of them and us..... I couldn't be myself in the class with her around... I couldn't say what I was doing in the weekend etc because of her knowing about my life again. We get partnered in class which means I will get her once in a while and just to look at her right now grrrrr you just don't know what I would want to do.

Crusher says see the positive.. I can't see the positive in seeing her permanently twice a week for the rest of my time in the gym. It doesn't motivate me it makes me feel like giving up.

I suppose next year I won't be doing any more challenges because of not being in the group but it is better than letting her back in my life.

I don't have a big enough journal to tell you the things I have been through with this woman!!! There is not enough room! My husband and mother are glad that she isn't in our lives anymore because of the constant phone calls we used to get and quite frankly I am too because I am concentrated on my life and not helping her with hers.

I don't want to be negative!! I don't want to be upset but I AM glad that I can vent in my journal finally! For the last couple of weeks I have been avoiding talking about her here because things have been going great with the weight loss and I wanted to totally forget her.

Debbie seems to think that she has only decided to come in to the team since the weekend because she saw how our team got on on Friday night and how Debbie and I enjoyed our night!!! and I agree!!!

I was talking to hubby on the phone and he said really getting back in to the situation where I see the woman twice a week is just not good and I agree. I suppose there are other things I can do and keep away from the gym totally and try other things.... I am totally considering it! I know it seems extreme but the woman just hinders all the hard work I do!!


I had a good day at work today and the day went really fast. I reckon having days like that is fantastic because when they go fast it doesn't drag... yeah CM that is logical... just sometimes in my job it drags and drags because I am in an office by myself and I am the sort of a person that loves having people around me.

This picture below is of Corbin as they had Dress up at school in Victorian clothes to go to a Victorian Museum at Mystery Creek where they all dress up and do things as if it is back in the Victorian era... sooo cool I was sooo proud of him he looked so cute.

Thanks for listening and thank you for your comments I do appreciate it and I have been holding in a lot lately and really shouldn't or it affects everything else.

I was sooo angry with it this morning and stopped at the bakery and was going to buy something to eat!! but decided that I was doing the emotional eating again and just got a drink instead so felt really good about my choice. I am going to get to the teens and if it means I have to do another way then that is what I have to do because to be quite honest I am not strong enough to see her and still concentrate on me.

Good night everyone!!

Love ya all

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