Tuesday, 21 November 2006

Private - Friends

Sometimes I wonder why I have friends at all. I am a moody cow and if things don't go my way then I go all defensive. I don't want to be defensive with Debbie just that I was pissed off that she didn't want to do Lean with me this morning.

I am sensoring my diary again and I shouldn't... I should be doing this for me and not worrying what other people are thinking.

I should be writing what I am thinking so I can sort it out in my head.

I am pissed that Debbie is losing more than me and it is making me soooo angry. I don't want to be angry as she is a nice girl but I am angry because she is losing more weight. It is like I am trying really hard... or am I trying really hard. I know that in the last couple of weeks I have been more conscious of the fact that I am trying hard.. I am drinking more water but I am relaxed on my exercise and maybe that is because I am competing again with Debbie. I hate it... I hate feeling like this towards someone. I don't want to feel like this towards Debbie.. and I know she has to do what is right for her but she could have done something with me! She could have made a date to go to the gym with me but she chose to go to Lean without me.

It bugged me!!!

It bugs me when she does the same thing as Kris and it is all about her. I tell her something and OMG she has done it worse or better or prettier or uglier.. instead of saying OMG really that is cool or I can understand how you are feeling.

I want another Hubby to be as a friend... So why aren't I going with him? Why don't I spend the time with him and stop feeling so quilty.

I just want to lose this weight!! Why am I not trying hard enough!! I am thinking in my head that I am trying hard enough but in reality I don't think I am.

I am going to drink my water today!
I am going to make sure I get up more often.
I am going to park further away from things.
I am going to STOP eating crap NON whatsoever.

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