Tuesday, 21 November 2006

Weigh in

I went to bed angry and woke up angry....

Why do I have these days.. it isn't my monthly and I am not due for another 2 weeks.

I lost weight!!! 700 grams tonight.

I am not happy with it.. I do know that I should be but I wasn't. I wanted 1 kilo!! Yes I am a silly COW!!

I can't work out what I want with life!! We are in the process of looking at a franchise business at home but I am scared I won't be able to cope as I have never been in a business before. It is a good business and something I know we could do but totally scared.

The other thing I can't work out is if I want to be a lifecoach or do the franchise? So many decisions and I can't work out what is best. I don't know what to do!!!

I know I am not that interesting tonight but I am tired of my life feeling like it is all about weight loss and now I have choices instead of weight loss I can't work out what I want to choose.

I know I lost 700grams and I want it to keep going down but I can't guarantee that it will because to be honest I am tracking and when I am really good I don't lose and then when I am bad I lose. It doesn't match my tracking....

I have felt better in the last week not worrying about the food and not having morning or afternoon tea and feeling like life was normal and going by how my tummy was feeling as I was eating because I was told to and not because I felt I needed to by my hunger.

I hate water as most of you know by now and I have made a huge effort this week to have at least 2 bottles of water a day and most days made it to 3 bottles.

My challenges for this week coming
  1. Keep up with the water
  2. Get up and go for a walk every morning
  3. Cut down the size of my meals for dinner
Three challenges a week for me is enough because if I try for more I loose motivation.

I am 123.8 and I have 600 grams to get to my 5th stone! That is what is going to happen next week. I am going to get to my 5th stone!!!

I want to be in the teens by the end of the year. I want to start 2007 off with a bang and not ever ever ever get to the 120 or above ever ever again.

I have to keep up on here as I am slacking in the last couple of weeks. Why aren't I wanting to write in here I don't know?

Anyway enough thinking for now

Love Chubbymum

OMG I got a text this morning from Crusher to say that Kris will be joining my Lean and I replied back saying then she won't be seeing me anymore.

OMG I finally got that woman out of my life in every way and I have been losing and my life has been great and then the fucken woman comes in to my fucking LEAN... and I can understand that Crusher is doing a business etc and couldn't take sides. So I texted her back saying that I will not be in anymore if she is going to join. So once again the fucken bitch has stalked my fucken life...

Can you tell I am angry? Well I am she just can't leave me alone to get on with my life she has to be in every situation.... she is even taking her kids to school so that I see her every morning and before hand she wouldn't get off her lazy arse to take the kids to school....

I didn't want to write about her anymore as life was getting so much better and now this...

I am not going to go to Lean anymore to have her making me feel like a complete utter idiot and to remind me that she is smaller than me and can go faster etc... I HATE her and I know that is a strong word but I do!!

Debbie and I will be going to the gym instead and another lady that isn't going to Lean anymore will be getting together.

Kris would complain about the early morning etc and now she is doing this... and I do think it was all because of Friday night when Debbie and I were having so much fun with our team and dancing and she was sitting on the side line in her sulky little mood.

I am soooo ANGRY!!!!! That my life could be turned upside down like this! I love my team!! I love being with Crusher but I cannot see this woman again! My self esteem is shot when she is around and once again I am the one that misses out.

It hurts that ONCE AGAIN she wins!!! and I lose out on the best team!

Everytime I see the BITCH I want to throttle her!! that is how bad I feel around her.


Kate said...

Well, I know it can be frustrating, but I reckon 700gms is a great loss!

I have a friend who works for LifeWorks as a life coach, and he loves it. I know he finds it really fulfilling. I reckon you'd be great at it :-)

Hippygal said...

700 grams is nothing to be sneezed about. Congrats :)

Rachel said...

Congrats on the 700 grams missy.

You are saying that Kris 'wins again' by stuffing up your morning routine but has she really??
Think about it, you have been losing weight, you have been having fun and you have been happy all without her and she has seen this (night out) and is now jealous of you I reckon.
She only wants to join your Lean class (and dropping the kids off early to school) because I reckon she misses your company. I would walk into that LEAN class with your new friend and carry on as normal, totally ignore her and carry on the positive life you have been leading. You shouldn't let her get you this angry because as you have said, she is a very negative person and you don't need her in your life but there will be situations where you will have to deal with her. Don't run, face her with your head held high!! Why should she stop you doing what you love!

She is NOT worth the effort, you are!

Janene said...

Oh CM, I understand how you are feeling, I truly do, but I think Rachel is right on this one. You can't let her stop you from doing things that you enjoy and that are good for you.

Just think how empowering it will be to be the one ignoring her, instead of the other way around!

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

Karen said...

Firstly well done on a great loss! 700gms is a wonderful loss!!!
And I do agree with Rachel and Janene - do not let "HER" rule your life! But it comes down to your decision and what you are happy doing...

Name: Lynise said...

Hi there. Firstly a big CONGRATs on the 700g. Every loss adds up.
In regards to the issue with Kris, in many ways I agree with Rachel & Janene, but then again, where not walking in your shoes and don't really understand the full gravity of how 'ick' you feel about this.
I understand that you feel angry. They say that anger is an emotion we use as a cover up, rather then allowing ourselves to experience our true feelings about what has happened.
I have read that anger allows us to react to how we feel, rather then confronting how we feel. Anger is therefore really one (or a combination) of fear, hurt, or frustration, but it’s human nature to react, rather then dealing with our feelings and acknowledge the real issue of what has been done. You would send a very powerful message about how strong you are if you continue with L.E.A.N and try not to let her presence effect you too much. I know that is way easier said then done, but it is weak people who try and bring others down, & it is obvious that she tries to make you feel bad, in order to make herself feel good.

Its never nice to be on the receiving end of someone who has hurt us, but I imagine that she actually has a very low opinion of herself as people with a healthy self image don't do that to others. Have a serious think about what you really want to do,& don't let her presence stop you achieving what you have set out to do. Nothing sends a stronger message then someone who doesn't allow themselves to run away from people like this. (PS: if she doesn't like mornings she may not stick with it very long anyway, & it would be a shame for you to give up on something, purely because of her joining.) I know it may be damn uncomfortable for you to walk into a class where she is, but you are an amazing person, & I know you have the strength to walk with your head held high. Take strength & support form everyone of us who may not be there in person, but are certainly right here for you every step of the way. Sending hugs.

celtic_girl said...

Well done on the loss.Your getting closer to your goals. I also agree with the other gals, do not let this affect your mission,don't get mad, get even. Let her see how strong you are and how you have moved on and found other friends and interests, you have Debbie to support you and all the other ladies you know. You have come so far to let this beat you.

tracy said...

She will not last long, she is already muttering about the early starts. Do NOT let her win. You can be the mature one, just smile & say hello when she walsk in then ignore her & carry on with the class, you are there for yourself not her, or anyone else for that matter.