Tuesday, 6 December 2005

Weigh in... feeling depressed

Feeling depressed today! Feeling exhausted and feeling like I have lost ME!

I hate doing these depressing posts.

I feel like I have lost ME... I feel like I am doing everything for everyone else and worrying about everyone else's problems and it is getting me down. I am tired of being the listener and not having people listen to me! And the thing is is that if someone comes to me and say what's up and they want to listen I don't have any energy to explain to them at the moment either ya know.

I know this blog is supposed to be about weight loss... but after a gain of 400grams tonight I am pissed!! I am not pissed because I gained because I deserve every single gram of that... I am pissed because after 3 weeks I am still in the same F*(**n place (sorry for the swearing). I can't seem to get myself back into it. I don't know if it was maybe because the holiday made me realise how much fun and less worrying it is not fretting about how much I am eating every single minute of the day.... or maybe because over there I didn't have to feel like I have to prop myself up anymore I could just be relaxed and free.

I went back to the gym yesterday and it was fantastic and then I had a meeting with my gym instructor and she seems to think I have to get back to doing this for me and focussing on me. I do realise that I have to be doing that but I don't know how to do that.

I have another meeting with her tomorrow for her to give me a program to get me in shape for the 'Relay for Life'. To hopefully get me back on track again.

I don't know what to do... I know all the reasons why I should be back on track! I do know all the things I should be doing and it isn't that I don't want to get this weight off but I don't have anything to aim for and for me aiming for weight loss amount isn't doing it for me. I had the challenge of losing it before my brother in law came back from overseas but that didn't pan out because he didn't even notice.

I just feel empty! anyway... please accept my apologies for not replying to your blogs lately but it isn't because I am not reading them ALL just that I cannot offer comments in the mood I have been in... if that makes sense.

M you asked me for the recipe for the biscuits. The recipe below was the one that stayed together really nice and was yummy too he he he... but not a Weight Watcher one that is for sure.

Gingerbread Men

3 cups Flour
1/4 tsp Salt
3/4 tsp Baking Soda
2 tsp Ground Ginger
1 tsp Cinnamon
1/4 tsp Ground Cloves
1/2 cup Butter
1/2 cup White Sugar
1 egg
2/3 cup Molasses

Sift together the flour, salt, baking soda and spices.
Cream butter and sugar til light and fluffy.
Add egg and molasses and beat til combined.
Gradually add flour mix
Chill for 2 hours
Preheat to 350 degrees frarenheit
Roll out dough on lightly floured surface
Bake for 8-10 minutes



Kris said...

I am sorry you are feeling this way and you know I am only a phone call away anytime you need to talk.

The way I see it is you are in a rut and sounds like the same place I was in a couple of months ago but I made it through and you will too.

We will get back into our gym routine and Steve told me today I WILL be doing his class next Monday because there is only 2 classes to go and he said that they have keep our spots and put a reserved sign up for us. So lets do it we know it is fun and we need to tell ourselves that the gym is a good place for us and a fun place.

I had a good talk with Steve today and he made me see things differently.

We can do this and we will do it for ourselves and also together. Chin up it is a new week and just take one day at a time and you will be back before you know it.

Lesley said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now and I enjoy your generally chirpy posts. It's good that feeling like you did today you still posted and I'm sure that you will receive lot's of advice from other blogger friends. I know it's yuk when we feel like this and lose our motivation. When we have it, everything is easy but when it disappears for a while it's damm hard work. I would say what you are going through is quite normal, it is difficult to get back on track after a relax time like your holiday. Really you are lucky that you have caught it with only a 400gm gain. LUCKY, I can hear you yelling at me!!!! But yes, lucky, imagine if it was a lot more and you weren't able to acknowledge that you had been a bit naughty. I read on the WW forum from a lady who works in a drug rehab that really our food lapses are part of our recovery to our food addiction. As we apply what we learn the lapses become smaller and are further apart. I thought that was very insightful. Something else I read, not sure where, was likening our lapses to cracks in a dam wall. If we are not careful the crack gets bigger and the wall breaks. Plaster up your wall CM, you can do this. Have a read back and remind yourself of all the reasons you want to do this and know you can do it for YOU. Relive the feelings when you get compliments and how good they make you feel.
Sorry this has been so long, I never know when to shut up!! I also have to say that you have a double here in Adelaide, always think I'm looking at a girlfiend of mine when I see your profile picture! And she also is into scrapbooking like you. Take Care CM and hope tomorrow finds you happier and more positive.

Karen said...

Hun, I have to agree with both Kris and Lesley - they both sum everything up nicely! Yes bugger about the gain but you have caught it, you have still posted on how you are feeling... but never lose sight of why you are on this journey and how far you have come! You can do but in your own time (hey look how slowly I am doing it - frustrating yes but still hanging in there)! We are all here for you hun!!!

Jodie said...

I'm sure you will find your mojo soon enough. Getting back to the gym is definately a good place to start. You felt great when you were there so why not concentrate on that first. Getting your routine back and everything should fall into place! XX

Emily said...

While not necessarily something your WW leader and other staunch WW supporters would agree with, I think that with the plateau you are on now (with your mindset as well as your weight) that you might need to start your Xmas holiday a little early!

You have sounded so happy and excited about christmas in your last few posts (mmm, I just had another look at your cookies - yum!) that you might be better off just concentrating on the xmas season for a couple of weeks and not getting stressed about the food and weight-loss. Of course you would ideally keep Kris company at the gym and keep making healthy choices, but it sounds to me like you're just fed up, and might need a wee break so you can start afresh and raring to go in the New Year.

Just a thought, but whatever happens I hope you are feeling a bit happier soon.


fattyboombastic said...

Hi there CM *hugs* Sorry to hear that you've had a bad week. Its ok sis, we all have our moments where we just want to give up. I've had it many times but when I think about how life was like being 162kgs and how uncomfortable life became, I got back on track and started recognising where I went wrong. You have such a wonderful friend Kris who you can go to gym with. The gym is a very good place for you to start. So lucky of you that you have Kris around because she understands what you are going through. Relax sis and let the festive season cool down before you can start counting and weighing again. Make this Xmas enjoyable for you and your family. Will be thinking of you my friend :)

Take care

M said...

Thanks for the recipe CM (hugs) Will bring it with me to Adelaide so we can bake them together and hang them on the tree. I really appreciate it. And if I don't eat too many it won't be a problem LOL.

Hope you are feeling better today:D