Saturday, 12 February 2005


1 month today (in month dates) since I have been on my lifestyle change. Went to work today and boss was away today. I felt a little relieved but not because of her but because I could be a little more relaxed at work and did a couple of emails to friends that I haven’t done in a while.
At about 12 o’clock I had a shock of my life. Janine phoned me from Wellington. I really didn’t expect it at all and it was nice but strange (for me) as I wasn’t prepared to talk to her you know.

We just basically had a five minute call but it was good in a way to get it over and done with (the first time talking I mean). We were supposed to be talking to each other on Thursday night but in a way I was glad that we didn’t manage to talk as I was really stuffed after kickboxing as I really went all out at the gym to get this darn weight off. I felt so energized and I love this instructor as she makes you think and the movements are a little more difficult (some of the skinny people couldn’t even do it he he he) and I felt sooo proud that I could and they couldn’t he he. Enough skiting from me he he.

Took off for Whangamata this evening at 6.30 it was fantastic to go off into the beautiful country and the weather wasn’t too wonderful it was raining but not hot and that was the best thing ever. Hubby was explaining to 5 year old about the mountains and about the gorge and how the river made this lovely scenic entrance to the other side of the mountains etc. It was really good to hear my 5 year old asking questions and enquiring about life. 3 year old was taking it in but didn’t quite understand I reakon.

I felt proud to be a mum and a wife and finally getting out as a family was great. I have my mum living with us but that isn’t bad.. It is great getting away from her now and then though. I mean she lives with us and not us living with her but she does tend to make the mood of the house. If she is in a bad mood we all seem to get that… and if she is in a good mood then we are too. I had that as a kid as well. If she didn’t like something she would do the ignoring thing until someone asks her what is wrong and then she wouldn’t tell you. It is like making me feel guilty for something that I didn’t even know I did. So I feel so free when I am away. I feel bad about thinking that way as she does so much for us too and she looks after the kids during the day while I am at work etc. But the free feeling is wonderful that is why I moved out of home at and moved an hour and 15 minutes away because she was controlling me like that. My dad was so laid back compared to my mum and I knew if I told him anything then it would stay between us and I wouldn’t get a lecture for why he thought I shouldn’t be doing it.

It does sound like I don’t love my mum, but I do, just that I feel a bit constrained when living with her like it is her family and I am still 12 years old not 34 ya know?

Anyway on the food issue I was really good. There were so many tempting things I could have had since we were on “holiday” but I looked at KFC and thought greasy and a lot of the other places too didn’t look good. But by the time we got to Whangamata there wasn’t any supermarkets open (OMG they shut at 8pm how archaic) so we went and got a steak burger with now mayo or sauce just onions and beetroot and it was fantastic… It felt like I was being naughty but it was nice and I didn’t go over my points either. Wow how victorious I felt knowing I didn’t choose the KFC and also that my husband was letting me make the choice on my own so that I wasn’t pushed… How great.

posted on 9:01 p.m.

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