Tuesday, 17 October 2006

Miserable Mood

Started off this morning in a miserable mood!

My knee is bothering me and I certainly didn't want to go out once again walking up and down hills and stairs... It started off ok but then going up the hill it bothered me like nothing else I have had before.... which really didn't make my bad mood any better.

I was also late for work and work didn't go smoothly either he he he he.... I woke up to a bad day today.

I really tried to be good with food today and ended up having 29 points OMG 29 points!!!! and I was trying to be better with my choices but obviously that didn't turn out as well.

Ham bun (as I was too late to get a good breakfast grrr)

Morning Tea
Fruche Yoghurt with fruit
Pretzels (handful)

2 Sandwiches (grainey bread)
Roast Beef sliced thinly
10 Marshmellows

Pork Chops (no fat)

Ok crap food really... but I had all my water and I did have an hour of lean and another hour of walking with hubby.

Hubby got home and could tell I wasn't in a good mood so what did he doo??? made me go for a walk thinking that would get me out of my mood. NOPE NOPE I don't think it worked!! Crusher phoned while I was out on the walk... I felt like saying my BLOODY husband is making me go for a walk when I don't think my knee would take it!!!

I don't want to sound like a sour puss... I don't want this blog to be a negative blog that people don't want to read but I also don't want to be untrue to myself by writing things happy happy happy and I am not feeling happy happy.

Bit of a unhappy day today... Feeling unloved today I think... still feeling unhappy about the situation with Kris. I had a huge talk with hubby on the walk asking him if I am being silly about all this. He said I wasn't being silly... he proceeded to ask me if she ever listened to me or did she ever ask you how your day went? You know I can't really tell him that she did ask me how my day went because the only thing we talked about when we had coffee or anything else was her miserable life (well she thought it was miserable) and all about her husband and her mother and all the time it was about Daniel her trainer and the gym... there was nothing else we talked about NOTHING!!!

Maybe that is the reason I am still in a bad mood is because I hate losing friends.... friends are rare! and at my age it is hard to find friends but then I think I am unhappy because she didn't turn out to be a true friend and she didn't care about me or how I feel because if she did she wouldn't have brushed me off for another better option for the 2nd time.

I still can't believe I broke down in front of Crusher while I was doing a fitness test the other day either... until that moment I don't think I realised how much I hated the situation and how I have always felt that because I am a big person I am not loved or that friends don't want to hang around with me because I am big and they are ashamed of being around me.

So I suppose on the fitness test it sunk in that I feel I am not worthy of having friends... obviously they don't want to choose me over going to a BBQ with others or that Kris didn't want to sit with me at WW because her skinnier younger friend was better than sitting next to the huge lady at the back... Maybe going to the gym with me being so big is another off putting thing too.

Anyway I am going now!!
This doesn't feel like it is helping tonight



Helena said...

you are so human babe, I love it :)

Debbie said...

awww CM *hugs* sorry you feel bad. Andyou ARE worthy of friends. You are a great person - never forget that!

Karen said...

*big super hugs* to you hun! And like Helena says - you are so human and we all go through days like this!
You are very worthy of friends as you are one amazing, generous, loving, caring woman and never forget that!!!!
*hugs again*

Rachel said...

Oooohhhhh who's a cranky puss then?????...........LOL

Venting is good and we all love ya and why waste time on a certain person when they are not worth it.

Does she bring anything to your friendship that is positive???
Doesn't sound like it, so get rid of old rubbish I say!!

Leighanne said...

Hope things are brighter today:)