Tuesday, 2 August 2005


I haven't updated in the last couple of days. I have been really busy and I am sorry. I have lots of work to do tonight so I will email later on or tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for understanding.


Ok I am back and should be doing the website for one of my clients but DON'T WANT TO
I am finding it hard this week. I was so dissapointed with last weeks weigh in and I know I should have just kept going as it will catch up with me and be all good but felt so let down with all the exercise I had done and the tracking that it just made me so angry. I am not giving up and I know I say it a lot how it was just wrong the weight loss.... just felt really upset and this week I have hardly tried. I have with the exercise!!! I am still going to the gym but I have had some food that I shouldn't have.

I started doing a website for a friend two years ago for his business and it was fun back then. But now I had him phoning every single day and either at 7.30am or 9pm and I avoid the phone. I like the money that is the problem but I get no time at night time to myself when he has me doing these updates on the website. It is only a furniture bloody website and he changes his product numbers like it is going out of fashion and then I have to change the website. Plus he can't make up his mind on how many photos should be on there either. Ok I am moaning like anything but I am supposed to be a part time working mother and I feel like I am a full time mother. It is just getting on top of me today. When he gave it to me 2 weeks ago he said there was no rush and when I can get to it and in the last 2 days he has phone 3 times to check on how it is going which makes me back off even more. I know, I know, I have to tell him but I need the money too. I just feel like a rock in a hard place at the moment. I am putting off doing it tonight when I know deep down I have to get it done.

Ok so I will tell you about today... Took my son to school and then went to the gym and felt like I did a great work out and then came home. I don't like having the two days off... is that strange... I feel like it is. I miss just having my Wednesday's off and having half days. I know I will get used to it. I suppose it is just because all is new but I somehow think deep down I miss my work mates and I miss my friends I had morning tea and lunch with. It will change and I will make new friends but just feeling a little out of sorts that is all.

I am so lucky to have my mother living with me... I know this but sometimes I want it to be just my family. My mother lives with us, but it feels like I live with her.

I am lucky that she looks after my youngest while I go to the gym and other things. But I get home and she always looks so miserable and I ask her if she wants to go out and for most of the day she says no. But then an hour before I have to pick up my son she says she wants to go out and then I have to be back to pick him up from school and it is like I am the worst daughter in the world.

My mother has the knack of making me feel guilty about anything. I just want my time to do what I feel like and take my son out if I want to and go and visit friends with him if I want to or to stay and veg all day if I want to but I am made to feel like I am doing the wrong thing.

Yes I know I am an adult and I should do what I think I should but my mother has made me feel like that all my life. I feel guilty because she can't drive and get around and because when Dad died he was her life!! and now she doesn't want to be here and I don't want to loose her as well. I just don't know what to do? I want to do some things with my son and me and not feel like I am obliged to do what she wants every single day I have off.

Wow that was a moan for the day wasn't it.


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