Wednesday, 14 November 2007

If it doesn't rain it pours

OMG got an email from my friend Pam to say that her child support went down by $200 a month OMG how does he think she will survive. She had a total of $20 a week left to buy food for the 3 of them and now she doesn't know what to do..

I couldn't take it anymore so I got involved (maybe I shouldn't have) but I texted him:

Neither J or Pam know I am texting u. But I had to say I used 2 think u were a great guy and admired u but after today I didn't think u would stoop so low as 2 hurt your children like u r because of money. I hope u don't live 2 regret it...

and I was shaking..... someone said to me today that since I have lost my weight I have gotten stronger and say what I feel and not such a push over..

Well an hour and a half later I go this:

If you had bothered to hear my side of the story you would understand. I didn't know bri was self hurting until J told me. She only tells what she wants to and changes it to make me sound bad. You two have made a choice of Pam. Bye.

So I replied:

No I did not make a choice of pam, and I did know u did not know about bri, what you may not know is that she is finding it hard 2 feed them on what she gets and now that the child support is less how is she 2 feed them now? They r also your responsiblity and ur r punishing the kids as well as pam and that is what I cannot understand. I don't want the friendship 2 end but one call in 6 months has not helped either. U give friendships up to easily. And.. this is not J's opinion and does not know I am writing 2 u.

My God what is wrong with the guy...
  • Leaves his family
  • Within six months is engaged and getting married in January 2008
  • Refuses to pay mortgage on house and holiday property
  • Was not paying child support for the first 3 months and now after been backed paid to them he has claimed for the sluts family and she gets $200 less a month
  • Not wanting to see his daughter and now she is in counselling and self hurting herself
  • His friendships have been put on the wayside
  • He treating his ex like crap when he is the one that cheated.

How can this keep going? Is he wanting her to go bankrupt? If he does why would he do such a thing to his kids? Why do people do this? I can't understand the nastiness? can someone help me with this? I don't understand how anyone could change like that and I never thought I would be thinking bad thoughts about George EVER as I would have said I would have trusted him with my life and my family's life that is how much I thought about the guy.

I am distraught about it all.. I can just imagine what Pam is going through... it is not fair.


Please help me to help her... what am I to do? She has no one.. .no famly it is hard.



Name: Lynise said...

Hi Mandy,
so sorry to hear of your friends problems. Splitting up is so difficult but speaking from my own experience, the issues surrounding finances needs to be sorted as it sounds like she is creating more stress for herself by not selling this property and moving on with her life.

Once a relationship has ended one partner cannot continue to expect assistance with mortgage repayments for too long.
When I left our property in April I agreed with Warren that the mortgage could be paid out of our joint account for three months BUT the property had to be put on the market for sale IMMEDIATLY. I did not want him to sit there long term while money that half belonged to me put a roof over his head. I felt that three months was a fair time and we would review it after that.
At the end of three months we had a contract on the property and I agreed that he could continue paying the mortgage out of joint money until settlement.
This effectively means that I have paid half the money necessary to keep a roof over his head for seven months which equals about $6,500. but as the mortgage is under both our names it was important to both of us that neither of us had our credit effected. I would have liked the property to sell quicker as every month that goes by I know I'm losing money that is part mine.
If I had wanted to be really nasty I could have told him I wanted him out of the house so that it could have been rented, and the rent would have covered the mortgage, but thankfully we both didn't want to cause unnecessary hurt so we agreed to just get it sold as quickly as possible.

Is your friend trying to sell and reduce her costs, or is she wanting her ex to pay on a mortgage dispite the fact he has left the house?

I guess in many ways I am lucky that Warren and I don't want to treat each other badly, but I know I would have started t resent him if he had expected me to keep contributing to the house if he didn't want to put it on the market, and only he is benefitting from.

When a relationship ends it is in both parties best interest to get the financial aspect sorted asap as not many people will feel generous enough to 'keep' their ex once the relationship has ended. It is my responibilty to keep a roof over my head but I wouldn't expect Warren to do that once things have ended. (just as I wouldn't want him to expect that of me.)

If she cannot afford the property herself then she will need to sell. Splitting assets etc is never the most pleasant task but both parties need to take care of themselves, and share the care/cost of any children.

Gosh this is turning into an essay. Its hard to put what I'm trying to say into words, but I've been through this whole breakup myself this year and realise that we can either do this sensibly with as least hurt to each other as possible or we could both get ourselves a lawyer and watch as our hard earned money dwindles away in legal fees.

just janene said...

Is Pam working? If she works 30 hours or more a week then she can get the family tax credits from the IRD, and with 2 kids I would think she is eligible, it helps me out heaps, I get $112 a week and it makes a huge difference. She's probably also entitled to the accommodation allowance which will help her to pay the mortgages (it's not just for renters like me), but I don't know if they would help with the holiday home - she should definately consider selling that at least.

But, what a prick. I guess I'm lucky to not have been financially tied in with Bryce to any sort of debt :)

PS good on you for having your say!

Whoever I want to be said...

Why are they not selling the properties and splitting the assets. At least then she has a clean break.....