Thursday, 30 March 2006

Scared for you to read this post

Ok... I am going to be honest on here.....

I am really happy that Kris will be joining my weight watcher meeting from this Tuesday and I am happy (I suggested that she joins). I suggested that she joins because she is going through a tough time and personally I don't think she is getting the support she needs at her meeting. Mind you she needs to do this for herself as we can suggest and suggest but until she sorts out her food then it will not happen.

I am glad she is coming to WW please believe me but I am a little worried now after thinking about it too.

Now this is going to maybe (maybe) sound selfish but this is the only way I can think of to get my feelings out. I have been losing since not telling my weight because it hasn't been a competition (in my mind) and Kris can lose weight faster than me and it puts me all out of wack having her lose that fast... now I am glad she is losing the weight I don't think that is the problem as she deserves to lose the weight but the problem is that I get upset when I do the same and watch my food really closely and I don't lose it as fast as her.

I know that steady wins the race and for me it has been steady and I am losing and not gaining and that is fantastic... I am so much calmer and happier since sorting my feelings and my routine out and keeping my weight loss to me. So it is going to be a challenge for her to be there at the meeting and there is no way that she won't know how much I lose because when I get the stickers for every 5 kilos and when I do they tend to ask how much altogether so she will get to know how much in total I have lost. Also my leaders are so supportive that they always ask how the week went and how much I lost and if I gain then they suggest things and they talk to me like they have known me for years and they are priming me to be a leader (and I would like to do that one day) I just have to get my head around it... I am the one that asked Kris to come and I would love her to be there.... now.... there is another thing I am worried about.

Kris and I had a talk last week because I felt quite upset when she had said that she was doing the gym with another lady (on her blog) and she hadn't said to me that she was still doing it with me.

I got quite upset about the fact that we have been doing exercise with each other for almost a year and she would just go and change her plans and go with a lady that she sees at WW and leave me out... Kris said that she was assuming I would be doing it with them and never thought like that and that made me feel better but this jealousy thing was happening (with me) re this other lady because I enjoy going with Kris to the gym and I enjoy spending time with her as a friend.... and sometimes when there is three doing exercise ..... it just isn't the same. I do feel left out or like I am not good enough for her anymore... or like a disgarded piece of equipment.

I cannot say this to Kris to her face only because I am not the sort of person that can do that to her face as it is a bit embarrasing and the words just don't come out (and that is my problem) but I am still feeling left out (which I have to deal with). I really wish she was doing this event training with me... I miss her doing it with me and I miss our friendship while doing it. I am doing well in the training and I am enjoying doing it with the ladies there but I miss feeling like there was someone there that knew what I was going through and not always feeling like I am the only person there that goes slower. The ladies at the L.E.A.N class are fantastic and really supportive but it just isn't the same.

I haven't had a friend like this in ages and I am missing it and maybe I am feeling like maybe I should get off my backside and go and do some hobbies to meet new people or something.. hmmm might be something I can do in the next month. I need to find some more friends because it just isn't good feeling like this.

OMG... I feel like a teenager again.

So... anyway went to L.E.A.N event training today and pushed myself with the walking and jogging and Joy said to me when I got back to base that she has been watching me run and that I am a natural and my jog is straight and in time... she said a lot of people just can't get it but she feels that I am a natural runner... he he he he can't say that I feel that way at all at the moment. Feels like my tummy is going from side to side he he he. I worked so hard today that my calves are sore. We did so much training for the walking and running and the girls were talking about the dinner after the final event and it is going to be so much fun.

Got back and took Corbin to school and then Quinn and I went for a 3km bike ride... it was good to get out with him but a bit slow he he he. We are looking at a new bike for him this weekend as he needs a bigger one as he is going like a speedy consalis just to keep up with us as the wheels are soooo tiny.

Ok... now that I feel like a bitch for writing in here instead of facing my problems.... I will go and have lunch with hubby.

Love ya all.
Thanks for listening to my childish rambling.



Karen said...

Hey hun - to be honest I'm not 100% sure what to say tonight but wanted to post to say that I am thinking of ya and I do hope things sort themselves out for you.

Yay for enjoying the LEAN course - it does sound like so much fun - wish we had something like that down here - well if I wasn't pregnant that is!

Remember we are all here anytime to listen you and like I have said before - its your journal - you say what you like when you like! :)

*big hugs*

Emily said...

Agree with Karen - its your journal so you ramble about whatever you want!! Although it is great that you are facing up to your concerns, and thinking about how to achieve the best results in YOUR journey.

Your last few posts have sounded very upbeat and positive, so you're obviously in a really good spot right now "in the zone", lol - keep it up :-)