Feeling like posting here today

I feel like posting here today.

I haven't had much to say lately but I am feeling quite overwelmed today with my life.

Have you ever had those days that you just have so many things you want to do but can't seem to work out which one to do or which one that you really want to spend the time on.

I want to do my cards but when I do my cards I want to go on the computer and then when I get on the computer I want to do my computer scrapbooking and read my new Slimming magazine.. then when I am reading my slimming magazine I want to read my scrapbooking magazine. I cannot seem to sit still and read one thing or do one thing.

Got up at 5.30 this morning and went to the L.E.A.N advanced (he he he) course today and it was a great workout. I hated doing it but I was not going to let myself hate it and I had to push myself and get over the pain. One of the ladies there when I went down would come and say get through the pain hun and you will enjoy it and it is only an hour. It was nice that she came over to get me motivated and I felt fantastic because of it. We went for like a 2km walk to a hill down the road from the gym (and it was dark he he he) and then she made us go up and down the hill and I managed 6 times and by the end my legs were hating me like you wouldn't believe but I pushed through it. My knee at the moment is not happy but I feel happy that I did it. When we got back we went on to the bikes and had 1 minute easy and 1 minute hard and then on to the treadmill to do the same and when our trainer came over I felt quite dizzy and just had to stop. I think after being sick I pushed myself a little too much and said to her that I think I might just go so I was about 5 minutes early leaving but I did do the work and I pushed myself and felt fantastic for it.

I am not too sure about my weigh in this week. I don't think I have been bad with the food but I have had a lot of carbo's this week that isn't right so I don't know until tonight what I have lost.

I have a mini goal tonight I want to get to and I am anxious to see if I manage it.... but the way my thinking has been going lately everytime I think I have lost I gain and visa versa so with my body I just don't know. I am really happy with my photo I posted yesterday and in a way I can tell the difference in the way I look happier in the second but I just still can't wait till I am at goal and I can see the two pictures and wonder how they can both be me. I want one of those photos that you can't tell it was me.... it will happen and I know I have a couple more years to go but I have done one year so that is one year closer.

I have finally gotten my head around this life style change because for a month or so I have been so up and down in my head (especially when I thought I was doing so well and I didn't) so let's hope it will keep going. I am not a happy person when my mojo isn't there, but hey it is all good challenges for us.

Ok so I will update later on what happened.

Love ya
Chubbymum

:::::UPDATE::::

I lost what I was aiming for... (and no Kris it wasn't the big one he he he) just a little goal that I have been trying to achieve to get me focussed he he he...

WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I have been doing this L.E.A.N course for 3 weeks and in 3 weeks I have lost each week... no yoyoing wohooooo. I am convinced that the L.E.A.N is benefiting me because I haven't changed my diet as such. I am loving the mornings.... I have got my head around the early morning rise and I am not letting it beat me because this is good for me, and I think I might do this for the rest of the year... keep up with the routine.

I am not fretting about food anymore as I am sticking to the good food and not straying from that. I think the hardest thing for me over this year is to get to the stage that food isn't the problem as such... just that I can indulge in things in moderation and still keep with the plan... isn't that the whole thing? Getting the balance. If I loose next week then I am well on my way and have found the balance for me.

Anyway going now.. thanks everyone for being here for me.

Love ya... love ya.... love ya....

Chubbymum

Hey long time no type

I know I have been slack over the last week.

I think it is because I haven't had that much to say and I am not too sure how the weight loss is going. I lost last week and I had my monthly and didn't feel like I would loose at all but tomorrow night is another weigh in and I am not too sure either. I mean I haven't been bad and I have been doing my exercise but I just don't know if I have lost or not.

Wasn't feeling too well today felt quite light headed and hubby seems to think I have a bug and my work phoned and said there were a couple of people off sick with feeling quite light headed so that sort of made me feel like I had a bug after that. Was a little scared it might have been my blood pressure but after hearing that I think it might be a bug.

I have been having a lot of people notice the change in my face lately. It is great for the self esteem that is for sure.

Went to the gym today to learn about nutrician as we missed that part of it with this L.E.A.N course. I have to say that most of what they said were things we knew from Weight Watchers and with WW I would get more support in that area. Not to say I am not going to try a couple of things that they had on their pamplets but WW is more logical for my life. We have been asked to put our food down and bring it in on the L.E.A.N classes in the morning so she can discuss things with us and maybe give substitutes. I hope that I am feeling better tomorrow so I can make the L.E.A.N class as it certainly makes my day.

I thought I might put this picture up so that you can see the difference from Jan 05 to Feb 06. It is a cheeky photo as hubby was being smart when he was taking the photo.

I feel good in the February 2006 photo and feel happier that is for sure. I wish that the difference was more but hey that is life. This photo was taken on Saturday (just gone).

I am sorry for the lack of updates.... I just don't know what to write and to be honest getting frustrated with totally concentrating on weight loss all the time that I feel like it is doing my head in. Please pray for me tomorrow at weigh in because I really want to lose... not much but just a little would do me.

Love ya all

Chubbymum

Wow what a day

The day went really fast....

1. Work was a nightmare... things happening at work with boss and she was crying (can't say what) but OMG.
   
2. Had a phone call from our new bosses in head office and they were asking me if I would take over the administration job of the whole 4 centres in Hamilton doing HR, ACC and other stuff not account related hmmmmm not sure because I don't really want to work anymore hours. I still have to decide.
   
3. Went to the gym and met Kris there and did a work out and now my arms and legs are KILLING me. I think I tried harder than I have in such a while.... and our trainer was soooo pushing us to the limits today. Afterwards Natalie (the receptionist there) came over to me (as she was doing the class) and said "I am really proud of you today I was watching you in the mirror and you were working it girl" Wow that felt really good for her to say that and put me on a high.
   
4. Got home and sat down and the phone rang and it was one of my Weight Watcher leaders phoning to talk to me and say she was glad that I came back this week and she really believes I can do this and that I can be a leader at the end of it and we were talking about so many things for about an hour.
   
   What an inspiration she is and how special she made me feel just phoning me and asking me how things are going. I did tell her that I cannot wait until winter when some of these people drop out. I said I know that sounds selfish but I find it harder to talk in the meetings because the people there don't know how long I have been at this and how much I have lost.... I know that is my problem but it doesn't feel as close nit... until last night anyway. She said she feels the same. Usually she knows what people have been through and what they have lost etc but with the new people it is different.
   
   There were so many other things that we talked about and it just reinforced that this meeting is for me and the support that I am getting goes far beyond the meetings.
   
5. I am tired..... he he he

Anyway going now.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

I lost.... I lost.... I lost....

I don't have much to say today.

But!!!! I lost 1 kilo wohooo for me. I have lost in the last two weeks and I think it is because I have been doing this L.E.A.N course and I have been just going with the flow and not stressing.

I think I am well on my way to getting this weight off. I have stopped the competing in my head now and I am happy with the weight I am at the moment... so happy... so happy with how much I have lost (not like over the moon but happy for losing anything).

I am glad that I have goals in my mind now and not material goals but emotional goals.

The best thing is is that I thought I was going to gain because I have my time of month but I didn't hmmmmm.

I have been concentrating on making cards this last week and not spending so much on the computer. I think I have been calmer since doing it too because it is creative and not spending all night on the computer.

I hope you are all still with me.. I know I am trying to read everyones journals and replying...still love ya all.

Love Chubbymum

Weekend

I have decided that weekends I won't update until Sunday or Monday only because I was spending too much time in the weekends when I could be spending it with hubby or the kids or even just for me.

Saturday
We took off to Waihi in the morning to go and check out sections or houses out there to have as a bach... I asked my mum if she wanted to go for the ride and she agreed and thought as usual unless there were shops she wouldn't get out of the car but she suprised me no end she went for a walk with us to the swing bridge and around the camp site (in Athenree) and the harbour as well. I told her it was great that she was getting out with her grandkids because they were enjoying having her there.

We booked our camp site for Easter woohoooo so we have the same campsite as Waitangi weekend and the boys are just soooo happy about that.

We still haven't found the section etc we want but we are wanting to go and see some more towards winter too because it is good to see sections in winter just in case the bog up or other things happen with the houses too.

It was such a nice picnic by the harbour and to do it as a family was fantastic.

Sunday
Got up at 9am and had breakfast then went for an hour bike ride with the boys. It was nice as it wasn't that hot yet. I felt wrong all morning and felt quite grumpy.... wasn't too sure why until I got home and realised that I had my monthly... now a little background. I am ALWAYS late with my monthly ALWAYS... but I am a week and a half early! OMG it is just weird. Hubby thinks maybe it is because of all the exercise I am doing etc. I am not usually grumpy at my monthly but today I just couldn't be bothered with anything including my boys and I know that is bad but I was in an unhappy mood. So I thought maybe I would do some cards and managed to do 12 cards to sell.

I am so scared to go to weight watchers this week only because I have tried really hard with the food this week and now I have my monthly grrrrr so that is a gain for me ho hum. But there is always the week after.

I have a little goal that I am going to finally say... I have someone that I know that is only 6 kilos away (no not you Kris) and I am going to close this gap between us so that I can lose more than this person. No you don't know who it is but this has given me a focus and goal now. The last goal I had was to prove another friend that I COULD lose 20 kilos in one year and I lost that in 10 months.

I find it hard to have 5 kilos challenges and goals for material things.

While at Waihi this weekend there were other things that I am looking forward to doing when I get down under the 100 kilos.

1. I am going to do the Waihi mountain (well it looks like one to me he he) and not cry the whole way like I did when I was a teenager because it was too much exercise for me.
2. I am going to go to the surf beach and go swimming with my kids and not fear about all the surfies and what they think.
3. I am going to walk the Karangahake gorge walk and take lots of photos.
4. I want to stop being afraid of things and to do everything that I set my heart on.
5. Sea Kayaking with the family and go for it on the beach up and down the waves.

Now if you know me at all or have ever known me (TRIXIE you tell them!) not one of those 5 things I have ever ever wanted to do before I lost weight in the last year. I have had so much inspiration in the last year with various people doing triathalons, duathalons, milford track and many other things like that. So I had to set some goals for me that I would enjoy but it would be a start to maybe one day doing a duathalon or something similar.

I don't know if any of you have been watching the show "Now, so you think you can dance" but they had some tap dancers on there... OMG I am going to try tap dancing... I still have to get the nerve or maybe I am feeling like I am still a little too big for it?? Hmmm I don't know I will have to think more on that.

Anyway I have rambled on too much.

Have a good night... another week starting tomorrow. Can you believe it is almost March argghh

Love ya all
Chubbymum

I DID IT!!!!

I feel pumped!!

The thing I am most proud of today is that...... drum roll please....... I jogged YEP YEP YEP you heard it right. I jogged this morning.

Ok it was hard and I felt like I couldn't breath afterwards he he he but how exhilerating was that. I went to the L.E.A.N class at 6am this morning and we were outside again and she asked us to walk/run around the shops... ok my first thought was NO WAY was I going to run around the shops.

It felt like I was back at school again but when we started off I was running and then decided why not try it! Why not try and run and I did!! I DID!!! then I heard Kris's shoes going faster... yep she was running behind me he he he he so I think maybe it must have made Kris think wohooo I can do it too... so that was a gold medal to the both of us this morning.

I was at the A & E AGAIN yep yep yep with my oldest son last night and $50 later OUCH they gave us ear drops and it hasn't helped. So today we went to the doctor AGAIN (3rd time)and said that his ear is worse and red and you can even lightly touch it and yesterday you could touch it... It was worrying us that is for sure. The gunk in it just seems to be staying in now... I would rather that it was coming out like yesterday at least the waste is not staying there.

Well this doctor said the only thing we could do was keep with the antibiotics and give him pamol and nurophen OMG I just can't believe it.. this boy is so sore and upset and I can only give him pamol. It just doesn't seem right. So we are going to leave it for another day and if there is not one bit of a sign it is getting better OMG we are going back again.

I don't like to fool around with ears it is just not right. Work was ok today. Boss seemed to actually delegate today. Apparently she said yesterday others had said that she isn't delgating enough to them and others and she turned around and said that it takes too long to teach the person how to do it and then they could stuff up and she has to fix the mistake... well if she doesn't give anyone a try why have staff at all! People are only human and she is not perfect. So it is not only me that is getting annoyed with her not delegating. So hopefully she sorts things out and stops her micro managing.

Anyway it is 8.30 and I am going to bed because after going to the A & E with Corbin last night I had 4 1/2 hours sleep and then had to get up for the L.E.A.N course so I am buggered. I have 3 days off. I think I have finally found my balance in exercise. When I was doing 5 days a week I was burning out and the food went out of control... now with 4 days it is working right for me and I am not feeling like I want to eat the whole house out he he he.

HEY GIRLS... I think my MOJO is back.

75 kilos here I come!!!

Chubbymum

Exercised out

Ok... first off... had the day off as sick today as Quinn was really sick last night and had a fever and blocked nose and ear infection. So I decided that I would stay home today and keep him away from my mum so that she wouldn't catch it (wishing thinking on my part).

So phoned work said I wasn't coming in which as far as my thinking... I have 7 days a year sick leave and I have been there since July and haven't taken a day since then. So anyway after taking Corbin to school and cuddling Quinn most of the morning my boss phones.. I don't know if she was checking up so that I haven't taken the day off without being sick or what (I phoned my boss but she didn't answer her phone this morning so I phoned the lady under her to tell her I wouldn't be there). So anyway she gets on the phone saying she couldn't find things and OMG I just wanted to say FUCK OFF I had enough to deal with with Quinn being sick and for one fucken day she could deal with the things without phoning me... which got me to the thinking that maybe she was phoning to check that I was really at home with a sick child.... GRRRRRR...

I am tired of the micro managing she does it is just pissing me off.

My horoscope tonight says that I should just stick to things at the moment and not change anything... omg is that an omen or what. I was looking through the job pages and read the horoscope so maybe I should sit back and think about things..

but lately I have hated my job...

especially since they sold the business because one of the Directors is now just a manager (I mis the other director) and half my job has gone up to Auckland because the business that took over our centre has it all centralised... well now what do I do.. ???

I have been a Financial Administrator for such a long time in my jobs that with half of my work gone is driving me insane and my boss micromanaging because she wants to know everyones job is driving me insane. I am not the only one that is feeling it.

This afternoon before going over Kris's place I sat back thinking... ok the job is boring but I have to only deal with it for 21.5 hours of a week and really in all honesty I am only working because I want money to do other things in my life so hey why not stick it out till the end of the year....

I do know that I would love to do a course in Life Coaching... that is funny considering I dont know what I want to do with my life but I do love helping other people... maybe councelling would be something I could do. I love it when people ask my advice and I try to give them what I think but leaving it so they still make their own decisions.. hmmmm might be something I should look into??

Well anyway Kris and I went to the gym today and tried out the new Vibro machine (or something like that) it feels like you are holding a huge I MEAN HUGE lawn mower and it fibrates. You have to sit in different postions (like you are doing squats or pretending to sit on a chair) to get the feeling and it contracts your muscles. OMG now I thought that it was a stupid idea but thought it would be interesting to try... so anyway after doing the exercises on that Kris and I decided to go to the Kick boxing class and I was sore with the muscles feeling tight but I reallllllly realllllly tried in this class... now after an hour and a half I AM REGRETTING THAT I TRIED THAT HARD argghhhhh and I have to get up at 5.30am to go the gym for the L.E.A.N course. I reckon I like punishing myself that is for sure.

So.. how do I solve the not liking my job? I know I sound like I am a stuck record... I mean will I ever be happy? How do you know what you want to do with your life? I am 35 years old and I still don't know. I don't want my boys to ever ever have that! I hope they know what makes them happy and does it.

Closing off now.
Love ya all
Chubbymum