I don't know what to do!
I have been reading books on weight loss for a month now because I feel lost!! I don't know what to do!
I have gotten complacent with WW not that I don't think it will work. IT DOES but after 2 years of doing it I am starting to be soooo boring with my food. I point but then I am getting confused with the sugar points (they don't have them anymore and it drives me insane so I still do them).
Ever since I started the exercise points stumped me.. I mean for doing one kickboxing class I get 13 points OMG I can only take like 14 a week so if I do kickboxing 3 times a week and other gym things I can't take it so what is the point in give us bigger people so many points?
I am not going to WW like I should every week and that is because I am tired of the rivalry with Debbie!! Tired of feeling like we are competing... but I like talking to her but everything is a competition with her and she keeps nudging it in my face that "I suppose you have lost more than me now etc" Which I am 7 kilos of even catching up to her but she doesn't know that.
I need some sort of food plan to get me excited again... I can't win with me at the moment... when I was planning I was overdoing the planning and being annal that I couldn't lose anything and then when I a relaxed and not anal then I start gaining. I can't find a happy medium.
I even paid like $65 (hubby doesn't know he he he) for a book from the UK about two ladies that lost a lot of weight and what they discovered and the book is fantastic and it makes sense when you read it but a little scared to try it because it goes against everything that I feel is right... It is a mixture of a lot of diets... mainly the Atkins where you don't eat Carbs for the first 2 phases and then slowly bring them back in... I just can't grasp the concept of having bacon and eggs for breakfast and no toast... and cream and rich stuff and cheese...
OMG.... if you gave me cheese I just couldnt stop myself as I am a cheese aholic... like some people love chocolate I LOVEEEEE CHEESSEEEE and find it really hard to stay at one slice of brie etc.
I feel like my whole life this week has turned me upside without having my PT's and Kickboxing I am like a bear with a sore foot.
I know I am having too big a portion and I have to stop it but then I am doing this emotional eating thing where I can't get my head around it.
We had a morning tea for Easter for work this morning and I ploughed in to the chips and dip OMG what was wrong with me I haven't wanted them in 2 years why now? I couldn't help it and the more I ate the more I wanted... I am a silly BITCH that can't control her fucken food and I am going insane.
Emailed hubby and he seems to think it is because I feel trapped with no exercise and the pain in my leg but OMG that is no bloody excuse is it!!! I mean I know I shouldn't be eating this crap!! I know it isn't good for me!! I have 1.2 kilos to get to my 35 and it isn't coming!!!
I have to start tracking and putting it up online!!! I have to keep it going and take responsibility. I track on my tracker and I put everything I have put in my mouth in it so I don't cheat on it but I am not feeling guilty like I should about it.
I am really worried about the camping trip this weekend with all the crap I know the others are going to have... I have to get up and go for a hobble(walk he he) instead of sitting there with the food in my face all the time... .
I want my posts to be positive again. I was going to start Lean this week and that is down the toilet because I wouldn't be able to keep up and in the last couple of months my fitness has gotten up to a better level that I thought I wouldn't be feeling a little out of my depth with Lean and now look at me OMG.
Moan over
Going to do some work now ho hum
Chubbymum
Showing posts with label Lean. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lean. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
Monday, 26 March 2007
Ups and downs
Mar 26, 2007 at 12:53 PM
My week has has so many ups and downs...
So be aware that this might end up a long post. I haven't posted since last Monday... OMG didn't realise it has been that long.
I must admit I didn't want to post and now there has been so much happening it is like a nightmare trying to get it all down. I have to write it for myself because if not I won't know what happened in a year etc.
Tuesday
Weigh in day... I so so so didn't want to go in because I knew that I hadn't been good!! And it was all my problem and my fault that is for sure.
So I went there and I weighed and I gained 1.3 OMG I have NEVER NEVER gained that much since I started. The most I have gained is about 400 grams and I am usually happy with that.
I wasn't totally upset because I knew why I had gained and it was my fault but I felt so so bad because I have been yoyoing again.. and I HATE THAT!!!! I want to get this weight off.
OMG when am I going to get it in to my thick head that I have to do this.
I am now 122.5 kilos and have lost 32.2 kilos OMG what an idiot I am.
Wednesday
Went to work feeling ok and thinking well this is my start to a new week and got to 10.30 then had a phone call from my mum all upset and crying and I couldn't understand a word of what she was saying but then after calming her down I found out that my uncle had died in his sleep. So I rang my boss in Auckland and she said "you go, family comes first and I will put it down as bereavement leave" and she also did the remainder of my work for me... OMG I do like my new boss she has been so understanding and easy to talk to.
So that afternoon was basically talking to my mum and to other family members sorting things out.
Thursday
Today was an ok day... not too sure how I was feeling. I had a text message from a friend that lives in Melbourne asking if I wanted some compnany? I said yes when would she be coming to New Zealand.. she said I am here now OMG GEESH couldn't she have given me more warning he he he. So anyway she came over and we walked to school to get the kids in the afternoon. It was great to catch up. I was her bridesmaid about 2 years ago and she is now pregnant and due in June... she looks fantastic. We are going out for dinner with her and her hubby on tomorrow night too (Tuesday as I am writing this on Monday he he)
Friday
Friday consisted of going to the gym and working out with Joy and listening to all the crap happening at the gym and thinking OMG I should just get out of here because it is like Days of our Lives.. and I just want to go and have a great work out and now I have dramas galore at the gym with having Kris there at the same time and then what is happening to the trainers... to tell you the truth I have had enough!!
The funeral was today and as you can imagine my mum was not very good today so the day was spent trying to keep her mind in a better place.
Saturday
Got up early on Saturday as I was nervous about meeting ChrisH... I am always nervous about meeting people.. always wondering what they would think of me and that I probably look bigger in person than I do online. It was a great morning tea... we talked and talked and it didn't feel strained at all. She is such a great person to meet and she makes you feel like you have known her for years. She got to meet my boys as well... but they didn't stay they went shopping and to the library.
So this is when things on Saturday turned to SHIT.... at 5pm got a phone call from Kris!!! OOOPs forgot to say I got a text from her at 7.30am Saturday morning telling me she was in respite care as she tried to kill herself last night (her youngest's birthday too). I didn't know what to say. I was feeling quite angry at her because how could she do this on her son's birthday.. he is only 3 and he should have had a great day with kids his own age and having a major party going on... not having this drama happening in his house.
She tried to cut her wrists. I used to feel sorry for the woman but now I just feel she is a selfish bitch... she said she needed someone to talk to and would I come up to respite.... but because I am a fool I said Ok... but I was not emotional on the phone I was really short with her.
All the way in the car I kept saying to myself.. ok she is in this place because of depression but I can't let her get away with this and I have to say exactly what I was thinking because I am not helping her or myself if I get in to this crap.
So I got there and said
"Ok so what the hell is going on"
she looked at me and said
"I tried killing myself again and I deserve not to be here'
I said to her "If you truly wanted to kill yourself Kris you would have so really you don't want to and you just want the attention again and to be quite honest I am not putting up with it and I made a promise to myself that I am not putting up with the attention seeking again... this is the last time I will come and see you like this"
She looked at me and said "I did a stupid thing.."
"YOU THINK!!!"
She said "I slept with Daniel"
YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER
I said "Your trainer Daniel?" she said yes..
I said "you better not be lieing again Kris because you caused crap for me and if you are doing this to hurt Daniel then you are low"
She said "NO I am not lieing"
I am not too sure if I believe her because this man is a hunk!!! and well... hmmmm Kris is average.
So we had a talk and I couldn't believe how bossy I was and telling her what I thought and she took it all in and she has made some changes. For one not having Daniel as a trainer... and trying to sort things out with hubby as she told him and said that she would go to counselling and was not going to pull attention seeking things ever again.
I don't know how long that will last but OMG all this crap over going to bed with Daniel!!!
All I could think was DANIEL you are a hypocrate... he gave me hell saying that I was saying nasty things on my blog (when you guys know back then I didn't because I was only saying he wasn't the trainer for me and that was it) and that it was going to ruin his reputation if it got out but he goes and sleeps with a woman that is 12 years older than him and she has a hubby and 3 kids... and he has a georgeous girlfriend... now you tell me how is that not being a hypercrate.
So my lovely morning turned to crap really... I should have stayed with ChrisH till going to bed he he he then I wouldn't have had all this.
She even had Joy (my trainer) over there and telling her. Which by the way has Daniel as part of her team of trainers OMG...
I still can't believe it.. I mean EWWWWW.
ChrisH I know I know I know I know... I know what you are going to say... I shouldn't have gone!!! she isn't worth it and you told me so... I know I know but when a friend gets put in respite or hospital and calls me... I just can't say no... it isn't in my nature. I am glad that I wasn't a wuss and let her make me feel sorry for her though because I didn't do that.
Sunday
Went to the gym this morning and worked my little butt off and did treadmill, cross trainer, bike, weights, kickboxing with pads and hubby and then sit ups and when I got up after the sit ups my back hurt me like buggery. I think while doing the kicking to the pads it was too high and I hurt my back grrrr so when I got home I had to lay down with a wheat pack.
Until that is I got a phone call about a wedding invite I am doing so I got ready for that and it was great we sorted out some things and I think she is really pleased with the one I thought would be great for her.
After that Delwyn (from my old Lean group) came over and we had such a heart to heart talk and I was feeling that the girls wouldn't want me back in my old lean after Kris was there telling them things (when she first got there) but she said that people are always asking how I am going and that it was in my head what I thought they thought and that they know not to believe Kris.
I am thinking about going back. I am still not 100% yet but I do miss it and I think I have improved since having the 4 months break. I might consider going back after Easter.
I spent the rest of the afternoon knitting scarfs he he he so that I could sit still because my back was just killing me. But quite please with the scarf that I am almost finished and can't wait to start another one.. he he he I sound like an old lady knitting but it is working for me in the fact that I don't want to nibble while doing it so hey if it works.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So that was my week... highs and lows.
I am sick of saying this but I am going to work my butt off this week and make next week a week to remember with my weight loss. I don't want to stop!! I want to keep going and I want to get under the 100 kilos by the end of the year and I know I can do it, I just have to focus.
Was thinking about getting a challenge group together or something... something small so that it doesn't get out of hand but some sort of challenge WHAT DO YOU THINK? Any ideas would be fantastic as I just don't have a clue what it could be at the moment.
Anyway Love ya all
Sorry I did ramble on again didn't I!! he he he
OH Welcome my new blogger friends. ChrisH after putting my photo etc up on your blog I have had lots of people going to my old blog and emailing me from there. I appreciate it!! I need to get back to reading other peoples blogs and having comments from others here too... I need that motivation again and maybe this is the way to get me going huh.
Also... Lynise and Lee-Anne... I have got your emails but haven't had a chance to reply and I WILL I PROMISE... maybe tonight. I am so so so so sorry for the delay. I am not ignoring you ok!! just haven't had time to reply properly.
Love ya all
Chubbymum
Comments
Chris H wrote:
Mar 26, 2007 at 3:44 PM
SILENCE....... I am saying nothing about anything I could put my foot in my mouth over......I commend you for being there for your ???friend??? You yabbered on so much I don't know what to comment on ! Have a fantastic week, talk to you again soon I hope.
Tracy wrote:
Mar 26, 2007 at 5:49 PM
Well it has certainly been an interesting week hasn't it? I know we all keep telling you to keep away from Kris but I understand why you went, you would have felt worse if you hadn't. I do not know if she DID sleep with Daniel, I am sure she WANTED to & probably fantasised about it. Maybe he just could not resist the attention either. You know it is difficult to know if that woman is telling the truth - maybe you could ask him :-)
I hope you have a better week this week, without the dramas.
Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 12:48 AM
I saw your photo on Chris's blog and you look great.
Now Kris, hahumm, has this woman got some form of Munchausen's Syndrome?
I know I don't "know" her and THE trainer, but really, do you really think he would have slept with her???? Is this another attempt to cause some trouble and try to shift some of the blame from her to Daniel.Is she trying worm her way into your sympathy.as you said correctly, if she wanted to do it ,she would have done it by now.Sorry if this sound callous but this woman is sick on so many levels.
Anne wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 10:51 AM
Kris really sounds as if she has huge problems. You are right though - a lot of what she is doing is for attention. Do feel for her husband and kids.
Sorry to hear about your gain - hope you can get your head around it and start afresh - ín fact I know you can!
fortysumthing wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 9:12 PM
Shit I could talk my head off on this post. I went through the suicide thing with my youngest son. Don't talk about it much. Too painful. In the end it all boiled down to getting attention and to him getting his own way. Through devious methods I got him to the doctor, who sent him for counselling. He's fine now. All I will say is that maybe now Kris will get the help she needs, which means .... it's no longer your problem. It's a selfish thing that she did. With time I hope she realises it. She is a very unhappy women and she needs help to sort herself out.
As for you, I hope you kicked butt and got back some of that gain you had last week. You're a survivor Mandy, you will always come out on top. Why, because you are happy and have a wonderful husband and family there to support you.
I noticed that the balloons over Hamilton is coming up. Might bring the kids over for the weekend and we can catch up. Whadda reckon.
Love ya heaps girl. Keeping smiling that beautiful smile.
My week has has so many ups and downs...
So be aware that this might end up a long post. I haven't posted since last Monday... OMG didn't realise it has been that long.
I must admit I didn't want to post and now there has been so much happening it is like a nightmare trying to get it all down. I have to write it for myself because if not I won't know what happened in a year etc.
Tuesday
Weigh in day... I so so so didn't want to go in because I knew that I hadn't been good!! And it was all my problem and my fault that is for sure.
So I went there and I weighed and I gained 1.3 OMG I have NEVER NEVER gained that much since I started. The most I have gained is about 400 grams and I am usually happy with that.
I wasn't totally upset because I knew why I had gained and it was my fault but I felt so so bad because I have been yoyoing again.. and I HATE THAT!!!! I want to get this weight off.
OMG when am I going to get it in to my thick head that I have to do this.
I am now 122.5 kilos and have lost 32.2 kilos OMG what an idiot I am.
Wednesday
Went to work feeling ok and thinking well this is my start to a new week and got to 10.30 then had a phone call from my mum all upset and crying and I couldn't understand a word of what she was saying but then after calming her down I found out that my uncle had died in his sleep. So I rang my boss in Auckland and she said "you go, family comes first and I will put it down as bereavement leave" and she also did the remainder of my work for me... OMG I do like my new boss she has been so understanding and easy to talk to.
So that afternoon was basically talking to my mum and to other family members sorting things out.
Thursday
Today was an ok day... not too sure how I was feeling. I had a text message from a friend that lives in Melbourne asking if I wanted some compnany? I said yes when would she be coming to New Zealand.. she said I am here now OMG GEESH couldn't she have given me more warning he he he. So anyway she came over and we walked to school to get the kids in the afternoon. It was great to catch up. I was her bridesmaid about 2 years ago and she is now pregnant and due in June... she looks fantastic. We are going out for dinner with her and her hubby on tomorrow night too (Tuesday as I am writing this on Monday he he)
Friday
Friday consisted of going to the gym and working out with Joy and listening to all the crap happening at the gym and thinking OMG I should just get out of here because it is like Days of our Lives.. and I just want to go and have a great work out and now I have dramas galore at the gym with having Kris there at the same time and then what is happening to the trainers... to tell you the truth I have had enough!!
The funeral was today and as you can imagine my mum was not very good today so the day was spent trying to keep her mind in a better place.
Saturday
Got up early on Saturday as I was nervous about meeting ChrisH... I am always nervous about meeting people.. always wondering what they would think of me and that I probably look bigger in person than I do online. It was a great morning tea... we talked and talked and it didn't feel strained at all. She is such a great person to meet and she makes you feel like you have known her for years. She got to meet my boys as well... but they didn't stay they went shopping and to the library.
So this is when things on Saturday turned to SHIT.... at 5pm got a phone call from Kris!!! OOOPs forgot to say I got a text from her at 7.30am Saturday morning telling me she was in respite care as she tried to kill herself last night (her youngest's birthday too). I didn't know what to say. I was feeling quite angry at her because how could she do this on her son's birthday.. he is only 3 and he should have had a great day with kids his own age and having a major party going on... not having this drama happening in his house.
She tried to cut her wrists. I used to feel sorry for the woman but now I just feel she is a selfish bitch... she said she needed someone to talk to and would I come up to respite.... but because I am a fool I said Ok... but I was not emotional on the phone I was really short with her.
All the way in the car I kept saying to myself.. ok she is in this place because of depression but I can't let her get away with this and I have to say exactly what I was thinking because I am not helping her or myself if I get in to this crap.
So I got there and said
"Ok so what the hell is going on"
she looked at me and said
"I tried killing myself again and I deserve not to be here'
I said to her "If you truly wanted to kill yourself Kris you would have so really you don't want to and you just want the attention again and to be quite honest I am not putting up with it and I made a promise to myself that I am not putting up with the attention seeking again... this is the last time I will come and see you like this"
She looked at me and said "I did a stupid thing.."
"YOU THINK!!!"
She said "I slept with Daniel"
YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER
I said "Your trainer Daniel?" she said yes..
I said "you better not be lieing again Kris because you caused crap for me and if you are doing this to hurt Daniel then you are low"
She said "NO I am not lieing"
I am not too sure if I believe her because this man is a hunk!!! and well... hmmmm Kris is average.
So we had a talk and I couldn't believe how bossy I was and telling her what I thought and she took it all in and she has made some changes. For one not having Daniel as a trainer... and trying to sort things out with hubby as she told him and said that she would go to counselling and was not going to pull attention seeking things ever again.
I don't know how long that will last but OMG all this crap over going to bed with Daniel!!!
All I could think was DANIEL you are a hypocrate... he gave me hell saying that I was saying nasty things on my blog (when you guys know back then I didn't because I was only saying he wasn't the trainer for me and that was it) and that it was going to ruin his reputation if it got out but he goes and sleeps with a woman that is 12 years older than him and she has a hubby and 3 kids... and he has a georgeous girlfriend... now you tell me how is that not being a hypercrate.
So my lovely morning turned to crap really... I should have stayed with ChrisH till going to bed he he he then I wouldn't have had all this.
She even had Joy (my trainer) over there and telling her. Which by the way has Daniel as part of her team of trainers OMG...
I still can't believe it.. I mean EWWWWW.
ChrisH I know I know I know I know... I know what you are going to say... I shouldn't have gone!!! she isn't worth it and you told me so... I know I know but when a friend gets put in respite or hospital and calls me... I just can't say no... it isn't in my nature. I am glad that I wasn't a wuss and let her make me feel sorry for her though because I didn't do that.
Sunday
Went to the gym this morning and worked my little butt off and did treadmill, cross trainer, bike, weights, kickboxing with pads and hubby and then sit ups and when I got up after the sit ups my back hurt me like buggery. I think while doing the kicking to the pads it was too high and I hurt my back grrrr so when I got home I had to lay down with a wheat pack.
Until that is I got a phone call about a wedding invite I am doing so I got ready for that and it was great we sorted out some things and I think she is really pleased with the one I thought would be great for her.
After that Delwyn (from my old Lean group) came over and we had such a heart to heart talk and I was feeling that the girls wouldn't want me back in my old lean after Kris was there telling them things (when she first got there) but she said that people are always asking how I am going and that it was in my head what I thought they thought and that they know not to believe Kris.
I am thinking about going back. I am still not 100% yet but I do miss it and I think I have improved since having the 4 months break. I might consider going back after Easter.
I spent the rest of the afternoon knitting scarfs he he he so that I could sit still because my back was just killing me. But quite please with the scarf that I am almost finished and can't wait to start another one.. he he he I sound like an old lady knitting but it is working for me in the fact that I don't want to nibble while doing it so hey if it works.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
So that was my week... highs and lows.
I am sick of saying this but I am going to work my butt off this week and make next week a week to remember with my weight loss. I don't want to stop!! I want to keep going and I want to get under the 100 kilos by the end of the year and I know I can do it, I just have to focus.
Was thinking about getting a challenge group together or something... something small so that it doesn't get out of hand but some sort of challenge WHAT DO YOU THINK? Any ideas would be fantastic as I just don't have a clue what it could be at the moment.
Anyway Love ya all
Sorry I did ramble on again didn't I!! he he he
OH Welcome my new blogger friends. ChrisH after putting my photo etc up on your blog I have had lots of people going to my old blog and emailing me from there. I appreciate it!! I need to get back to reading other peoples blogs and having comments from others here too... I need that motivation again and maybe this is the way to get me going huh.
Also... Lynise and Lee-Anne... I have got your emails but haven't had a chance to reply and I WILL I PROMISE... maybe tonight. I am so so so so sorry for the delay. I am not ignoring you ok!! just haven't had time to reply properly.
Love ya all
Chubbymum
Comments
Chris H wrote:
Mar 26, 2007 at 3:44 PM
SILENCE....... I am saying nothing about anything I could put my foot in my mouth over......I commend you for being there for your ???friend??? You yabbered on so much I don't know what to comment on ! Have a fantastic week, talk to you again soon I hope.
Tracy wrote:
Mar 26, 2007 at 5:49 PM
Well it has certainly been an interesting week hasn't it? I know we all keep telling you to keep away from Kris but I understand why you went, you would have felt worse if you hadn't. I do not know if she DID sleep with Daniel, I am sure she WANTED to & probably fantasised about it. Maybe he just could not resist the attention either. You know it is difficult to know if that woman is telling the truth - maybe you could ask him :-)
I hope you have a better week this week, without the dramas.
Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 12:48 AM
I saw your photo on Chris's blog and you look great.
Now Kris, hahumm, has this woman got some form of Munchausen's Syndrome?
I know I don't "know" her and THE trainer, but really, do you really think he would have slept with her???? Is this another attempt to cause some trouble and try to shift some of the blame from her to Daniel.Is she trying worm her way into your sympathy.as you said correctly, if she wanted to do it ,she would have done it by now.Sorry if this sound callous but this woman is sick on so many levels.
Anne wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 10:51 AM
Kris really sounds as if she has huge problems. You are right though - a lot of what she is doing is for attention. Do feel for her husband and kids.
Sorry to hear about your gain - hope you can get your head around it and start afresh - ín fact I know you can!
fortysumthing wrote:
Mar 27, 2007 at 9:12 PM
Shit I could talk my head off on this post. I went through the suicide thing with my youngest son. Don't talk about it much. Too painful. In the end it all boiled down to getting attention and to him getting his own way. Through devious methods I got him to the doctor, who sent him for counselling. He's fine now. All I will say is that maybe now Kris will get the help she needs, which means .... it's no longer your problem. It's a selfish thing that she did. With time I hope she realises it. She is a very unhappy women and she needs help to sort herself out.
As for you, I hope you kicked butt and got back some of that gain you had last week. You're a survivor Mandy, you will always come out on top. Why, because you are happy and have a wonderful husband and family there to support you.
I noticed that the balloons over Hamilton is coming up. Might bring the kids over for the weekend and we can catch up. Whadda reckon.
Love ya heaps girl. Keeping smiling that beautiful smile.
Wednesday, 3 January 2007
Doing so much....
Jan 3, 2007 at 5:50 PM
Doing so much but I can't seem to find the inclination to write in my blog.
I was a little upset the last couple of weeks that I have let myself eat whatever I wanted and not feeling the consequences.
When I went to WW on 19th December and I was 121.8 kilos (at home they said 122.7) and I am certainly not that anymore but I am not stressing too much but angry with myself. The scales on Monday 1st January 2007 my scales at home said 125.3 ARGGHHHH (124.4 WW would have said) and so that is 2.6 kilos gained.... ho hum but......
This morning after being really good since Monday I am now 123.7 kilos on my scales (122.8 on WW scales) and so I have gained 1 kilo by WW scales and I can handle that but I am still working on either staying the same or losing.
This year is going to be a good one for me!! I am not going to plateau this year like last year. Mind you I achieved so so so much last year and there were ups and downs but I think that has made me a better person.
I regret that I had to give up a friendship last year but I also think that after what she did with Daniel and Joy in causing strife that I didn't deserve a friend that will use things against me. And she wasn't a true friend and will never be happy in life and she will deserve that. It took me a while to realise that I had to find a place to have my blog and not to be known as CM anymore and to be free of her totally.
Be ready for my blog to be just as full on as last year as I have so many challenges this year that I want to conquer.
I really want to do something with my life and if that is studying then I am going to do it this year but mind you it is not going to come in between my weight loss and exercise as I am content with all that now and I am not giving that up for anyone. Yes I have given up Lean because of Kris but to be honest she was doing me a favour as I was getting a little stale in it and not trying other things and she will never get out of it what I have and she will never get out of it the friendships that I have.
Which reminds me Delwyn is coming over tonight (from Lean) she phoned me this morning and we went for a walk around the Lake (4 kilometres) and had a coffee afterwards and tonight we are going to play Canasta woohoooo going to beat her backside he he he he.
So this year guys we are going to achieve all that we wish whether it be weight loss or other achievements.. I know with friendships like yours I will achieve anything!
I have been printing my Digital Scrapbooking out in the last couple of days and finding out ways to bind them etc as I want my boys to be able to read them and show them to other people.
I feel so content at home with my boys these holidays and I feel so happy here at Vox. I have realised that having a simple blog like this one is the best because all the extras aren't needed as long as I get what I need down. I have ticked off a lot of my 101 things list and feeling really proud of that. I still have heaps and heaps to do but I am achieving things and that is the main thing.
I am doing more Digital Scrapbook pages lately too and that is making me happy, and will upload more in the next day. I love being creative and I am also glad that Kate is doing it too... anyone else want to join us?
Anyway I have spaghetti meatballs (homemade and low in fat) tonight woohooo and a game of Canasta... how better can life get aye.
Love ya all
CM
Comments
Fat Queen wrote:
Jan 3, 2007 at 6:37 PM
[this is good]Glad to hear you are OFF to a good start :)
Celtic Girl wrote:
Jan 4, 2007 at 2:53 PM
You'll soon get the extra weight off which you gained over Xmas. I You sound so content in this blog - everything is always easier when we are content and at ease.
Lee wrote:
Jan 5, 2007 at 12:25 AM
I also gained over christmas - nearly 6 kilo's....I am doing my best to get that off before my 1st weigh in...18th Jan!!
This year will be a great one!! We can do this!!!
About digital scrapbooking...how do you do it??
Doing so much but I can't seem to find the inclination to write in my blog.
I was a little upset the last couple of weeks that I have let myself eat whatever I wanted and not feeling the consequences.
When I went to WW on 19th December and I was 121.8 kilos (at home they said 122.7) and I am certainly not that anymore but I am not stressing too much but angry with myself. The scales on Monday 1st January 2007 my scales at home said 125.3 ARGGHHHH (124.4 WW would have said) and so that is 2.6 kilos gained.... ho hum but......
This morning after being really good since Monday I am now 123.7 kilos on my scales (122.8 on WW scales) and so I have gained 1 kilo by WW scales and I can handle that but I am still working on either staying the same or losing.
This year is going to be a good one for me!! I am not going to plateau this year like last year. Mind you I achieved so so so much last year and there were ups and downs but I think that has made me a better person.
I regret that I had to give up a friendship last year but I also think that after what she did with Daniel and Joy in causing strife that I didn't deserve a friend that will use things against me. And she wasn't a true friend and will never be happy in life and she will deserve that. It took me a while to realise that I had to find a place to have my blog and not to be known as CM anymore and to be free of her totally.
Be ready for my blog to be just as full on as last year as I have so many challenges this year that I want to conquer.
I really want to do something with my life and if that is studying then I am going to do it this year but mind you it is not going to come in between my weight loss and exercise as I am content with all that now and I am not giving that up for anyone. Yes I have given up Lean because of Kris but to be honest she was doing me a favour as I was getting a little stale in it and not trying other things and she will never get out of it what I have and she will never get out of it the friendships that I have.
Which reminds me Delwyn is coming over tonight (from Lean) she phoned me this morning and we went for a walk around the Lake (4 kilometres) and had a coffee afterwards and tonight we are going to play Canasta woohoooo going to beat her backside he he he he.
So this year guys we are going to achieve all that we wish whether it be weight loss or other achievements.. I know with friendships like yours I will achieve anything!
I have been printing my Digital Scrapbooking out in the last couple of days and finding out ways to bind them etc as I want my boys to be able to read them and show them to other people.
I feel so content at home with my boys these holidays and I feel so happy here at Vox. I have realised that having a simple blog like this one is the best because all the extras aren't needed as long as I get what I need down. I have ticked off a lot of my 101 things list and feeling really proud of that. I still have heaps and heaps to do but I am achieving things and that is the main thing.
I am doing more Digital Scrapbook pages lately too and that is making me happy, and will upload more in the next day. I love being creative and I am also glad that Kate is doing it too... anyone else want to join us?
Anyway I have spaghetti meatballs (homemade and low in fat) tonight woohooo and a game of Canasta... how better can life get aye.
Love ya all
CM
Comments
Fat Queen wrote:
Jan 3, 2007 at 6:37 PM
[this is good]Glad to hear you are OFF to a good start :)
Celtic Girl wrote:
Jan 4, 2007 at 2:53 PM
You'll soon get the extra weight off which you gained over Xmas. I You sound so content in this blog - everything is always easier when we are content and at ease.
Lee wrote:
Jan 5, 2007 at 12:25 AM
I also gained over christmas - nearly 6 kilo's....I am doing my best to get that off before my 1st weigh in...18th Jan!!
This year will be a great one!! We can do this!!!
About digital scrapbooking...how do you do it??
Tuesday, 28 November 2006
Taking it all in
I have taken the last 5 days to think about all this.
I am not going to tell Sgt Major anything!! I have decided it is his problem and I do not have to get involved... If he is reading then it is his problem and if he doesn't like what I say then that is too bad too.
I have never said anything but the fact that I don't like his style of training for me and if he is getting anything other than that from someone else then he is an idiot for believing something he hasn't read himself.
I have still been blogging but for me only so that I don't forget what I have done in my days.
I am still quite angry about the whole situation because I have had to change my life as I don't want to deal with her anymore. I know that is my decision and that others would have stayed in the group even though she was there but I am finally losing weight... and it feels good and having her not in my life is a big huge change for the better! I don't want to change that. I don't want to go back to the competing with her as she likes that and does better for it but I do not!
I go for my weigh in tonight... not too sure about what will happen but I haven't been too bad.
I have 600 grams to get to my 5th stone OMG I hope I make it... but if not I will make it later!
I have a new workout week now. Instead of Lean twice a week I have the following workout:
Monday night: New Program from Crusher it is a killer but it is a program that both Debbie and I have to do together as it has kickboxing in a pair with punches etc.. quite liking it so far.
Wednesday: Kickboxing class with Crusher
Thursday: Personal Training with Crusher for both Debbie and I
Friday: Personal Training just me with Crusher.
Sunday: Our Program from Crusher
So I am pretty pleased with that weekly line up and in about six weeks Debbie and I can re-evaluate it and change it. To be quite honest I feel like I am doing more with exercise than I did with Lean... Lean was fantastic for meeting such wonderful people but I get more of a sweat up with the personal training and the ones with Debbie as I think I try harder.
Tomorrow night after doing our first double PT session with Crusher Debbie and I are going out for Kebab's and some Christmas shopping. We are doing the secret santa at work and Debbie and I are going out to buy something for our secret santa's... it is going to be soooo much fun.
I haven't done the girly thing like that for a while. Poor Debbie keeps asking me to go out but with work, kids and hubby life is sooo hectic and I find enough time for exercise but it takes it away from the family so juggling is sooo hard for me.
I finished all my Christmas shopping on Saturday and hubby brought me my anniversary present and so we put it up... it was a swing for outside... that fits 3 people on it. So nice. It goes really well with the colour of our house hmmmm and relaxing too.
OMG OMG OMG I am nervous about the weigh in tonight... wish me luck. I will come and update later on.
Love Chubbymum
I am not going to tell Sgt Major anything!! I have decided it is his problem and I do not have to get involved... If he is reading then it is his problem and if he doesn't like what I say then that is too bad too.
I have never said anything but the fact that I don't like his style of training for me and if he is getting anything other than that from someone else then he is an idiot for believing something he hasn't read himself.
I have still been blogging but for me only so that I don't forget what I have done in my days.
I am still quite angry about the whole situation because I have had to change my life as I don't want to deal with her anymore. I know that is my decision and that others would have stayed in the group even though she was there but I am finally losing weight... and it feels good and having her not in my life is a big huge change for the better! I don't want to change that. I don't want to go back to the competing with her as she likes that and does better for it but I do not!
I go for my weigh in tonight... not too sure about what will happen but I haven't been too bad.
I have 600 grams to get to my 5th stone OMG I hope I make it... but if not I will make it later!
I have a new workout week now. Instead of Lean twice a week I have the following workout:
Monday night: New Program from Crusher it is a killer but it is a program that both Debbie and I have to do together as it has kickboxing in a pair with punches etc.. quite liking it so far.
Wednesday: Kickboxing class with Crusher
Thursday: Personal Training with Crusher for both Debbie and I
Friday: Personal Training just me with Crusher.
Sunday: Our Program from Crusher
So I am pretty pleased with that weekly line up and in about six weeks Debbie and I can re-evaluate it and change it. To be quite honest I feel like I am doing more with exercise than I did with Lean... Lean was fantastic for meeting such wonderful people but I get more of a sweat up with the personal training and the ones with Debbie as I think I try harder.
Tomorrow night after doing our first double PT session with Crusher Debbie and I are going out for Kebab's and some Christmas shopping. We are doing the secret santa at work and Debbie and I are going out to buy something for our secret santa's... it is going to be soooo much fun.
I haven't done the girly thing like that for a while. Poor Debbie keeps asking me to go out but with work, kids and hubby life is sooo hectic and I find enough time for exercise but it takes it away from the family so juggling is sooo hard for me.
I finished all my Christmas shopping on Saturday and hubby brought me my anniversary present and so we put it up... it was a swing for outside... that fits 3 people on it. So nice. It goes really well with the colour of our house hmmmm and relaxing too.
OMG OMG OMG I am nervous about the weigh in tonight... wish me luck. I will come and update later on.
Love Chubbymum
::::::::::UPDATE::::::::::::
I lost tonight!!! 600 grams and it took me to my
5th STONE
Woohooo I got my
5th STONE OMG OMG OMG.
I have now lost 31.5 kilos... guys I am on a roll!
I am free and I am feeling like nothing can stop me.
I am now at 123.2 and I am on my way to getting under the 120's...
So my next hurdle is 119.
That is 3.3 kilos to go.
My 35 kilo lost will take me to 119.7... so here I come!!
Friday, 24 November 2006
Not working for me
I have re-read my blog and I have taken some posts out!
I am having doubts about writing in here now!
The reason being that Crusher said that Sgt Major has read or been told that I am writing not so nice stuff about him in my blog. I re-read all my posts that had him in it and all that I had said was that I know he is a nice guy but his style of training was not one that I liked and don't want him to train me... and apparently he is upset that I put nasty things on my blog and that other people are reading it.
OMG I was hurt about it because I know everyone that is reading my blog and if anyone from here is telling lies it makes me feel really uncomfortable writing in here at all anymore. I feel like this friendship breakup is spiralling and now it is making me feel uncomfortable.
I am feeling really unhappy about it.. Debbie seems to think that it is someone else (that isn't reading my blog causing problems) and now I don't want to have my blog anymore! My husband thinks that it is Kris causing the problems as Sgt Major is her trainer. I don't know what I think anymore and have been really upset about it all for days.
I want this blog to be able to get support and to write what I am feeling so I don't hold anything in as that is bad for me but if I am going to be scared to say how I am feeling then I don't want to write here anymore. I mean that is the reason I passworded it because I was feeling like that.
I don't think I am a nasty person! I don't think that I have intentionally said anything bad about Sgt Major! I know I have said some things about Kris but that is how I was feeling and that is what my blog was for!
Chubbymum
I am having doubts about writing in here now!
The reason being that Crusher said that Sgt Major has read or been told that I am writing not so nice stuff about him in my blog. I re-read all my posts that had him in it and all that I had said was that I know he is a nice guy but his style of training was not one that I liked and don't want him to train me... and apparently he is upset that I put nasty things on my blog and that other people are reading it.
OMG I was hurt about it because I know everyone that is reading my blog and if anyone from here is telling lies it makes me feel really uncomfortable writing in here at all anymore. I feel like this friendship breakup is spiralling and now it is making me feel uncomfortable.
I am feeling really unhappy about it.. Debbie seems to think that it is someone else (that isn't reading my blog causing problems) and now I don't want to have my blog anymore! My husband thinks that it is Kris causing the problems as Sgt Major is her trainer. I don't know what I think anymore and have been really upset about it all for days.
I want this blog to be able to get support and to write what I am feeling so I don't hold anything in as that is bad for me but if I am going to be scared to say how I am feeling then I don't want to write here anymore. I mean that is the reason I passworded it because I was feeling like that.
I don't think I am a nasty person! I don't think that I have intentionally said anything bad about Sgt Major! I know I have said some things about Kris but that is how I was feeling and that is what my blog was for!
Chubbymum
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
Private now - Thank you!
Thank you for all your comments in my last post.
I do understand where you are all coming from, but for me having that woman around does the opposite for me...
I know it would show I was the bigger person and go to class, but if you know half the things (which I haven't put in here) then you would understand why I couldn't.
I was told by three different people in three different situations that they were glad I am not friends with her anymore because of how she used to put me down in front of me and I didn't even seem to realise. I DO NOT want to put myself in the situation where I am feeling insignificant again where I don't see what she is doing.
I tried for the last year to help her out and was always the one there when she needed me when she would break down over her stupid car or her husband wasn't treating her right (and believe me he does more for her than other husbands do she is just not grateful) or this and that.
I was the one that looked after her kids for 6 hours while she was in hospital so her husband could go up there but she thanked chloe on her blog for all her help yet I fed the kids and looked after them and cancelled all my plans to help her out.
When she was going through problems where Sgt Major was being horrible to her in the fact that she was having all this junk food and also not telling the truth with her trackers and I was the one that said to her straight "if you cry wolf a thousand times then he isn't going to listen anymore he has to learn to trust you again" and since that she has been more positive and getting on with things and believe me it took me a lot to tell her something that she didn't want to hear but others had been saying but not to her face.... but that is what friends do and then I get branded as the controlling one when I tried to help her.... and it worked because she finally realised that I was right and things started getting better.
I ALWAYS listened to her and was there to support her but when I was going through difficult situations she NEVER listened and never helped out one bit.... I don't want to go back to feeling bad about myself and how I cannot lose the weight and she is better than me... my self esteem wouldn't take it again.
What I don't understand is that when we were friends Kris tried to get in to my team and Crusher wouldn't let her because it would hinder us both. Yet now Crusher is letting her in this team now and we aren't friends and I am really distressed about it. I suppose once again it makes me feel insignaficant and she will be all nice and wonderful and show me up again and there goes my self esteem again. I don't want to put myself in that situation.
I know it sounds like a school kid thing but she effects me like you wouldn't believe. In the last two months I have lost and I am finally getting my life together and had a chat to Crusher last night about doing things in the class that would make Debbie and I feel a little bit more like a team instead of them and us..... I couldn't be myself in the class with her around... I couldn't say what I was doing in the weekend etc because of her knowing about my life again. We get partnered in class which means I will get her once in a while and just to look at her right now grrrrr you just don't know what I would want to do.
Crusher says see the positive.. I can't see the positive in seeing her permanently twice a week for the rest of my time in the gym. It doesn't motivate me it makes me feel like giving up.
I suppose next year I won't be doing any more challenges because of not being in the group but it is better than letting her back in my life.
I don't have a big enough journal to tell you the things I have been through with this woman!!! There is not enough room! My husband and mother are glad that she isn't in our lives anymore because of the constant phone calls we used to get and quite frankly I am too because I am concentrated on my life and not helping her with hers.
I don't want to be negative!! I don't want to be upset but I AM glad that I can vent in my journal finally! For the last couple of weeks I have been avoiding talking about her here because things have been going great with the weight loss and I wanted to totally forget her.
Debbie seems to think that she has only decided to come in to the team since the weekend because she saw how our team got on on Friday night and how Debbie and I enjoyed our night!!! and I agree!!!
I was talking to hubby on the phone and he said really getting back in to the situation where I see the woman twice a week is just not good and I agree. I suppose there are other things I can do and keep away from the gym totally and try other things.... I am totally considering it! I know it seems extreme but the woman just hinders all the hard work I do!!
Anyway...
I had a good day at work today and the day went really fast. I reckon having days like that is fantastic because when they go fast it doesn't drag... yeah CM that is logical... just sometimes in my job it drags and drags because I am in an office by myself and I am the sort of a person that loves having people around me.
This picture below is of Corbin as they had Dress up at school in Victorian clothes to go to a Victorian Museum at Mystery Creek where they all dress up and do things as if it is back in the Victorian era... sooo cool I was sooo proud of him he looked so cute.
I do understand where you are all coming from, but for me having that woman around does the opposite for me...
I know it would show I was the bigger person and go to class, but if you know half the things (which I haven't put in here) then you would understand why I couldn't.
I was told by three different people in three different situations that they were glad I am not friends with her anymore because of how she used to put me down in front of me and I didn't even seem to realise. I DO NOT want to put myself in the situation where I am feeling insignificant again where I don't see what she is doing.
I tried for the last year to help her out and was always the one there when she needed me when she would break down over her stupid car or her husband wasn't treating her right (and believe me he does more for her than other husbands do she is just not grateful) or this and that.
I was the one that looked after her kids for 6 hours while she was in hospital so her husband could go up there but she thanked chloe on her blog for all her help yet I fed the kids and looked after them and cancelled all my plans to help her out.
When she was going through problems where Sgt Major was being horrible to her in the fact that she was having all this junk food and also not telling the truth with her trackers and I was the one that said to her straight "if you cry wolf a thousand times then he isn't going to listen anymore he has to learn to trust you again" and since that she has been more positive and getting on with things and believe me it took me a lot to tell her something that she didn't want to hear but others had been saying but not to her face.... but that is what friends do and then I get branded as the controlling one when I tried to help her.... and it worked because she finally realised that I was right and things started getting better.
I ALWAYS listened to her and was there to support her but when I was going through difficult situations she NEVER listened and never helped out one bit.... I don't want to go back to feeling bad about myself and how I cannot lose the weight and she is better than me... my self esteem wouldn't take it again.
What I don't understand is that when we were friends Kris tried to get in to my team and Crusher wouldn't let her because it would hinder us both. Yet now Crusher is letting her in this team now and we aren't friends and I am really distressed about it. I suppose once again it makes me feel insignaficant and she will be all nice and wonderful and show me up again and there goes my self esteem again. I don't want to put myself in that situation.
I know it sounds like a school kid thing but she effects me like you wouldn't believe. In the last two months I have lost and I am finally getting my life together and had a chat to Crusher last night about doing things in the class that would make Debbie and I feel a little bit more like a team instead of them and us..... I couldn't be myself in the class with her around... I couldn't say what I was doing in the weekend etc because of her knowing about my life again. We get partnered in class which means I will get her once in a while and just to look at her right now grrrrr you just don't know what I would want to do.
Crusher says see the positive.. I can't see the positive in seeing her permanently twice a week for the rest of my time in the gym. It doesn't motivate me it makes me feel like giving up.
I suppose next year I won't be doing any more challenges because of not being in the group but it is better than letting her back in my life.
I don't have a big enough journal to tell you the things I have been through with this woman!!! There is not enough room! My husband and mother are glad that she isn't in our lives anymore because of the constant phone calls we used to get and quite frankly I am too because I am concentrated on my life and not helping her with hers.
I don't want to be negative!! I don't want to be upset but I AM glad that I can vent in my journal finally! For the last couple of weeks I have been avoiding talking about her here because things have been going great with the weight loss and I wanted to totally forget her.
Debbie seems to think that she has only decided to come in to the team since the weekend because she saw how our team got on on Friday night and how Debbie and I enjoyed our night!!! and I agree!!!
I was talking to hubby on the phone and he said really getting back in to the situation where I see the woman twice a week is just not good and I agree. I suppose there are other things I can do and keep away from the gym totally and try other things.... I am totally considering it! I know it seems extreme but the woman just hinders all the hard work I do!!
Anyway...
I had a good day at work today and the day went really fast. I reckon having days like that is fantastic because when they go fast it doesn't drag... yeah CM that is logical... just sometimes in my job it drags and drags because I am in an office by myself and I am the sort of a person that loves having people around me.
This picture below is of Corbin as they had Dress up at school in Victorian clothes to go to a Victorian Museum at Mystery Creek where they all dress up and do things as if it is back in the Victorian era... sooo cool I was sooo proud of him he looked so cute.
Thanks for listening and thank you for your comments I do appreciate it and I have been holding in a lot lately and really shouldn't or it affects everything else.
I was sooo angry with it this morning and stopped at the bakery and was going to buy something to eat!! but decided that I was doing the emotional eating again and just got a drink instead so felt really good about my choice. I am going to get to the teens and if it means I have to do another way then that is what I have to do because to be quite honest I am not strong enough to see her and still concentrate on me.
Good night everyone!!
Love ya all
Chubbymum
Saturday, 18 November 2006
So much fun but paying for it now
We had sooo sooo sooo much fun last night.
I drank too much but had a great time.
I don't think Debbie and I sat down for an entire song for the whole night. Hubby didn't dance the whole night but most of it he he... I don't think he could keep up with Debbie and I.
I couldn't stop smiling the whole night and it was the most fun I had had on a Xmas function in years. We danced so much that my hair was soaking wet the whole night he he he and so a couple of times I had to go and wipe my hair in the ladies he he he and reapply my lipstick. It helped that I had about 3 bourbon and cokes but not enough to make me drunk just enough to make me enjoy myself.
I was proud of myself. I had main meal and dessert but I only ate like quarter of my dessert as I looked at it as realised that I didn't want it or need it and I gave it to the waiter. Now when I first started I would have eaten it because I wouldn't want to waste food... but it didn't bother me that night.
I can't tell you enough that I had a great night. I have sore knees today because of all the dancing... my right knee is swollen and I have been sitting here with an icepak on it but I wouldn't have changed a thing. I also have sore cheeks as we just laughed and smiled all night. There was soooo many people at the Xmas function and met some new people from the gym too and laughed sooo much. We even had a good time with one of the head waiters and giving him hell and he did in return... how great was that.
Our Lean team got together at the gym before the function to support our other trainer Sgt Major as he was working till 7pm and the function started at 6.30. It was good to get there as a team and not go individually and we had a wine there before the start too he he.
We were talking last night and Crusher (even though maybe she had a little too much to drink he he he and won't remember saying it) she turned to me and said "you are just wonderful and you are going to get this weight off I have faith in you" wow that started the night off for me... it was unexpected and I know that I have to believe in myself for it to happen but to have her say that was a great booster too.
We got home about 12.30am and that was a good time for us, even though we wanted to keep going the party had to finish at 12 and we did manage to keep it going a little more he he. It was great to have a great baby sitter like my mum as we could just take our time and enjoy the night and know that my mum was fine with the boys.
The skirt I was wearing last night I brought a week and a half ago and it was in a 22 and I had to pin it with two pins last night because it was falling down my hips.. OMG that was wonderful because I brought it fitting snugly and my mother was witness as she was in the dressing cubicle with me when I tried it on and said that I should get the next size up OMG and then I had to pin it he he he.
I am not going to say this is going to last forever but I think I have found a groove that I want to be in for a while.... I am concentrating on the food more than the exercise. I was concentrating on the exercise so much that I was deep down in the subcontious thinking it would solve the problem. I also think it is because I have finally decided to concentrate on me and get rid of things in my life that weren't helping and concentrate it totally on having fun and enjoying what is right for me.
Pinkkz Karen made me realise that I have to watch how skinny people eat and enjoy the food and not just eat all good all the time because sometimes the body just wants to have something different and some treats. I have been tooooo strict with my food and not mixing it up... and in the last two weeks I have been really thinking about the food but not complusively so it is going to be interesting to see the scales on Tuesday as I didn't weigh in last week as I had an ear infection and hubby didn't wake me up to go to WW meeting grrr.
Rotten weather today but hubby and I went out and did a small grocery shop and got some dvd as the weather was soooo bad that we wanted to just veg with the kids. With life being so hectic in the last couple of months the veg day today was great.
Love ya all
Chubbymum
I drank too much but had a great time.
I don't think Debbie and I sat down for an entire song for the whole night. Hubby didn't dance the whole night but most of it he he... I don't think he could keep up with Debbie and I.
I couldn't stop smiling the whole night and it was the most fun I had had on a Xmas function in years. We danced so much that my hair was soaking wet the whole night he he he and so a couple of times I had to go and wipe my hair in the ladies he he he and reapply my lipstick. It helped that I had about 3 bourbon and cokes but not enough to make me drunk just enough to make me enjoy myself.
I was proud of myself. I had main meal and dessert but I only ate like quarter of my dessert as I looked at it as realised that I didn't want it or need it and I gave it to the waiter. Now when I first started I would have eaten it because I wouldn't want to waste food... but it didn't bother me that night.
I can't tell you enough that I had a great night. I have sore knees today because of all the dancing... my right knee is swollen and I have been sitting here with an icepak on it but I wouldn't have changed a thing. I also have sore cheeks as we just laughed and smiled all night. There was soooo many people at the Xmas function and met some new people from the gym too and laughed sooo much. We even had a good time with one of the head waiters and giving him hell and he did in return... how great was that.
Our Lean team got together at the gym before the function to support our other trainer Sgt Major as he was working till 7pm and the function started at 6.30. It was good to get there as a team and not go individually and we had a wine there before the start too he he.
We were talking last night and Crusher (even though maybe she had a little too much to drink he he he and won't remember saying it) she turned to me and said "you are just wonderful and you are going to get this weight off I have faith in you" wow that started the night off for me... it was unexpected and I know that I have to believe in myself for it to happen but to have her say that was a great booster too.
We got home about 12.30am and that was a good time for us, even though we wanted to keep going the party had to finish at 12 and we did manage to keep it going a little more he he. It was great to have a great baby sitter like my mum as we could just take our time and enjoy the night and know that my mum was fine with the boys.
The skirt I was wearing last night I brought a week and a half ago and it was in a 22 and I had to pin it with two pins last night because it was falling down my hips.. OMG that was wonderful because I brought it fitting snugly and my mother was witness as she was in the dressing cubicle with me when I tried it on and said that I should get the next size up OMG and then I had to pin it he he he.
I am not going to say this is going to last forever but I think I have found a groove that I want to be in for a while.... I am concentrating on the food more than the exercise. I was concentrating on the exercise so much that I was deep down in the subcontious thinking it would solve the problem. I also think it is because I have finally decided to concentrate on me and get rid of things in my life that weren't helping and concentrate it totally on having fun and enjoying what is right for me.
Pinkkz Karen made me realise that I have to watch how skinny people eat and enjoy the food and not just eat all good all the time because sometimes the body just wants to have something different and some treats. I have been tooooo strict with my food and not mixing it up... and in the last two weeks I have been really thinking about the food but not complusively so it is going to be interesting to see the scales on Tuesday as I didn't weigh in last week as I had an ear infection and hubby didn't wake me up to go to WW meeting grrr.
Rotten weather today but hubby and I went out and did a small grocery shop and got some dvd as the weather was soooo bad that we wanted to just veg with the kids. With life being so hectic in the last couple of months the veg day today was great.
Love ya all
Chubbymum
Thursday, 16 November 2006
On top of the world
I am feeling so positive today.
Got up at 5.30am to go to Lean with Crusher and the others and was worried that Debbie wasn't going to make it as she was quite late this morning. We went for a walk to the dreaded River Road hill and went up and down it 5 times with slow from one pole to another and slow up and fast down and fast up and slow down and it wasn't too bad.
Debbie and I have been quite bored with just going walking and going up hills that today we said that if we were walking again then we wouldn't go back to LEAN till after xmas because if not we are going to end up hating going and we didn't want to do that.
So when we started walking Debbie and I looked at each other... it isn't that we don't like Lean and we don't like the people we are doing it with but it feels like we are at the back and the others are way ahead and we are left behind again... like not part of the team and quite bored with the walking.
We got back and played Netball first with a netball ball and then with a tennis ball.... OMG it was hard for me to see the tennis ball that when I saw the hand throw it I sort of timed it so that I caught it and most of the time I caught it and made a goal... it felt great to do something different and to work as a team not me and Debbie being at the back. I sweated more playing the netball than I did going up and down the bloody hill... it was great. I wish we could do that more often. I would love to play volleyball too... just for a change as I am not liking the walking... I don't mind every second time or something but it is just getting soooooooo borring.
I feel like I have lost centimetres this week... my skirt that I brought for Friday night was fitting me nice a week and a half ago and I put it on today and showed mum and it was kind of loose on me arghhhhh and I just brought the bloody thing.
Went out shopping today!!! Clothes shopping for a top. I just wanted something that would make me look absolutly fantastic at the Gym Xmas party... I have been getting quite a lot of compliments lately and I thought why not show me off he he he.
Went to a couple of shops to find the right top but there are a lot of shops out there selling only sleeveless tops and I have bingo wings so that doesn't help my self esteem.
I brought a Red sexy top (with sleeves) that has a criss cross at the front and it is a nice sexy red... my mum said to me (now if anyone knows my mum doesn't give compliments very often) but she said it really slimmed me down.... so the black skirt and the red top looks devine. I will take a photo on the night and show you what I look like.
I think I am well on my way to getting to the teens.... P.S thank you for the comments on the last post... Rachel I have taken heed on what you wrote and I think it is working... the portions sizes have been looked at and the fact that I am not eating morning and afternoon snacks unless I feel like I need food.
I can't believe the last two months... it has been the most challenging in my whole time on my healthy lifestyle but it has been the best because it is more positive as I am really thinking about what I do and not do to loose this weight.
It is challenging me to think about the food and the exercise and what I really want to do. It has also made me realise that I don't want to do things that other people are making me do or that I have to feel a certain way because I feel I have to to make someone feel happy.
Which is another thing... I am not going to keep friendships on that make me feel like I cannot talk to them and ones that don't really care about me... it sounds harsh when I re-read this but I am not meaning it to be harsh just that for years I was the sucker...
The reason I am saying this is because one of the parents at my work said to me yesterday "I can see how friends would suck off you?" and I said to her "what are you talking about?" she said that I listen and listen to everyone and sometimes do I wonder if anyone takes the same curtiousy when listening to you?.
I sort of looked at her with these eyebrows going up and she said "don't take it the wrong way but I always see you listening to people and helping people that you seem to always give give but do they give you the same respect or do they just keep talking?" Wow... didn't think anyone would say that to me.. especially a parent hmmmm. I do like listening to people and helping them... but sometimes I have to find people that will listen to me. Maybe that is the reason I write on here because people read about me... and want to read (well some of the time anyway) so that is my way to speak and people listen.
I am enjoying the fact that this blog is passworded!! I still want to keep writing on here and meeting new friends but I want to feel like I can write anything too... how great is that!!
Love ya all
Chubbymum
P.S going out tomorrow night so probably won't update till Saturday night and I can put up the photos of the gym night out. Woohooo
Got up at 5.30am to go to Lean with Crusher and the others and was worried that Debbie wasn't going to make it as she was quite late this morning. We went for a walk to the dreaded River Road hill and went up and down it 5 times with slow from one pole to another and slow up and fast down and fast up and slow down and it wasn't too bad.
Debbie and I have been quite bored with just going walking and going up hills that today we said that if we were walking again then we wouldn't go back to LEAN till after xmas because if not we are going to end up hating going and we didn't want to do that.
So when we started walking Debbie and I looked at each other... it isn't that we don't like Lean and we don't like the people we are doing it with but it feels like we are at the back and the others are way ahead and we are left behind again... like not part of the team and quite bored with the walking.
We got back and played Netball first with a netball ball and then with a tennis ball.... OMG it was hard for me to see the tennis ball that when I saw the hand throw it I sort of timed it so that I caught it and most of the time I caught it and made a goal... it felt great to do something different and to work as a team not me and Debbie being at the back. I sweated more playing the netball than I did going up and down the bloody hill... it was great. I wish we could do that more often. I would love to play volleyball too... just for a change as I am not liking the walking... I don't mind every second time or something but it is just getting soooooooo borring.
I feel like I have lost centimetres this week... my skirt that I brought for Friday night was fitting me nice a week and a half ago and I put it on today and showed mum and it was kind of loose on me arghhhhh and I just brought the bloody thing.
Went out shopping today!!! Clothes shopping for a top. I just wanted something that would make me look absolutly fantastic at the Gym Xmas party... I have been getting quite a lot of compliments lately and I thought why not show me off he he he.
Went to a couple of shops to find the right top but there are a lot of shops out there selling only sleeveless tops and I have bingo wings so that doesn't help my self esteem.
I brought a Red sexy top (with sleeves) that has a criss cross at the front and it is a nice sexy red... my mum said to me (now if anyone knows my mum doesn't give compliments very often) but she said it really slimmed me down.... so the black skirt and the red top looks devine. I will take a photo on the night and show you what I look like.
I think I am well on my way to getting to the teens.... P.S thank you for the comments on the last post... Rachel I have taken heed on what you wrote and I think it is working... the portions sizes have been looked at and the fact that I am not eating morning and afternoon snacks unless I feel like I need food.
I can't believe the last two months... it has been the most challenging in my whole time on my healthy lifestyle but it has been the best because it is more positive as I am really thinking about what I do and not do to loose this weight.
It is challenging me to think about the food and the exercise and what I really want to do. It has also made me realise that I don't want to do things that other people are making me do or that I have to feel a certain way because I feel I have to to make someone feel happy.
Which is another thing... I am not going to keep friendships on that make me feel like I cannot talk to them and ones that don't really care about me... it sounds harsh when I re-read this but I am not meaning it to be harsh just that for years I was the sucker...
The reason I am saying this is because one of the parents at my work said to me yesterday "I can see how friends would suck off you?" and I said to her "what are you talking about?" she said that I listen and listen to everyone and sometimes do I wonder if anyone takes the same curtiousy when listening to you?.
I sort of looked at her with these eyebrows going up and she said "don't take it the wrong way but I always see you listening to people and helping people that you seem to always give give but do they give you the same respect or do they just keep talking?" Wow... didn't think anyone would say that to me.. especially a parent hmmmm. I do like listening to people and helping them... but sometimes I have to find people that will listen to me. Maybe that is the reason I write on here because people read about me... and want to read (well some of the time anyway) so that is my way to speak and people listen.
I am enjoying the fact that this blog is passworded!! I still want to keep writing on here and meeting new friends but I want to feel like I can write anything too... how great is that!!
Love ya all
Chubbymum
P.S going out tomorrow night so probably won't update till Saturday night and I can put up the photos of the gym night out. Woohooo
Tuesday, 14 November 2006
Hectic life
Well....
Life has just been sooo hectic in the past week I haven't even had time to breath much.
Friday:
Spent quite a lot of the day in bed as I just haven't been feeling quite right for a couple of weeks.
Went to the Weight Watchers pot luck dinner and had quite a lot of fun and too much food and the company was fantastic. We laughed a lot and it was great to meet up with different people than the people that are always in your life.
Saturday:
Well today was our 11th wedding anniversary and decided that we wanted to achieve a lot today. We cleaned our bedroom, vacuumed and dusted and washed the shower and bath and walk in wardrobe.
Then we rearranged the kids play room.
Hubby mowed the lawn while I went for a long walk with Quinn (he was on his bike) and while I was out walking with my headphones on I heard this almighty screach where a BMW was turning around and the next minute I saw this lady get out of the car and come towards me and for a minute there I didn't know who it was. It was a friend called Denise and she used to go to Weight Watchers about six months ago and she saw me out walking and had to come and give me a hug and say "OMG you have lost so much more and that I am looking fantastic so that made my day like you wouldn't believe.
Got home from my walk and hubby and I did some painting of the fence which took us a couple of hours and then went up and had a shower and got ready for going out on the town for our anniversary.
We went and saw the movie "The Devil wears Prada" what a great feel good movie. I felt a little like the main young actress in the fact that I wore what she used to wear and now that I am loosing some weight I want to wear all then nice clothes as well. It was a good movie and I even felt better sitting in the movie seats woohooo for me.
After the movie we went to an Indian restaurant as my WW leaders said that I am not treating myself enough but as usual I didn't know when to stop and I just felt really bloated and horrible after the dinner. I will gain for sure this week especially with all the exercise I did on Sunday (I will get to that) and then the Indian food.
Sunday:
Ok so I was up at 5.15am this morning! ARGHHHH couldn't believe I was doing this it was D Day the big triathlon at our gym.
This is what I achieved
12 km Walk (out around our town)
12 km Bike ride (on a gym bike)
4km Rower
50 press ups
50 sit ups
The time for the whole lot was 2 hours and 47 minutes which was a bloody good time but I must admit that the bike I did really slowly and I could have gone twice as fast but made a pact with Debbie that I would go the same speed on the bike if she stayed the same on the rower.. she ended up finishing 2 minutes earlier on the rower though... but hey I suppose that is life. hmmm
The walk was good because Debbie and I had our headphones on and we danced while we walked (listening to different songs I might add) it was probably the most fun I have had while walking that far. But we still worked our backsides off.
Went home after the triathlon and had friends from Auckland come down as they are buying a rental property and wanted some guidance as to what areas would be good etc.
About 3.30 we went to the Lean Xmas party on at Stephanies place. Wow what a place she has in the country the back yard was huge and trees galore and we played Volleyball outside (and to this day I don't know how my muscles managed to play the Volleyball after all that exercise in the morning).
The pot luck bbq was good but by about 7.30 you could see everyone getting really tired and quiet and then we all left to go home. I was in bed and asleep by about 8.10 after putting the boys to bed... and I soooo neeeded more sleep than I got but hey.
Monday
Work...hmmm was sore.... was grumpy..... didn't want to be there! But I was there and hey that is life when you have to do something.
7.30pm we had a meeting with a couple that were selling their business. We are thinking about buying a business and with it being a franchise it is well established and the kinks have been lined out and they have been going for like 15 years etc and have a good reputation so we went to find out the ins and outs and found out that they do it from home which suits me and they have 6 staff and are wanting to start a new little team of 2 so there would be 8 staff that I would have to take over and this lady does it from home and works part time in it as the girls she has just make it run really well.. and the best thing is no weekend work.
So from 7.30 to 10pm we were over there talking and I think this lady really thinks we can take it over because she was giving us all the details of how things work and what we do when etc and I am excited but nervous as I have NEVER NEVER had a business in my life and I have never done a business course. I have always wanted to own a business and this is a good way to start and if we don't like it we can always sell the franchise off.
For it to work fully to our advantage though we would need to grow it twice as big. She has 48 clients and really I think we should be a little bigger and see how it goes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the weight loss front I am angry... I haven't been bad! I had my treat on Saturday night with the butter chicken (but I did go a little overboard) and it was our anniversary. But I can't get my groove back with the food. I am good and I don't loose, and I am bad and I do loose, but this week being bad once is going to cost me!! I had a little cheat look on the scales (which I don't normally do) and it is up by a kilo and I can tell you I have never gained that much in one week since I have started... yes maybe 800grams the most but never more..
I know I did a triathlon and I would have water retention and muscle build up but it is doing my head in.
I still don't know what to do.. I think now I am even more confused than I have ever been. I have to sort out my food as the exercise I don't think is a problem. I am only going to do 3 days of exercise for the next month and get back to sorting out my food.
The reason being... when I first started WW losing the weight I only did 2 days of kickboxing and that was it and I lost and lost and lost and now I am doing 5 to 6 days of exercise and I am not consistant... I hate that. I want to know that if I put the effort in that it will pay off and lately I can't tell if I am being good or bad and what the result is.
I do feel that maybe I don't know what all the sugar points are and I am not eating the right amount of sugar points.
God this is hard!!! My hubby said that any other person would have given up and I suppose in the past I would have but I don't want to. I want to get in to the teens and that is only 4 kilos away but those 4 kilos are staying put and they crept up last week by 400grams and this week feels like the same and I don't want that!!
I do know that everyone is in the same boat and I know that reading a post that is negative isn't good and people don't want to read but I have this blog to get out my feelings and see if there is a person out there that has had the same problem and can sooooo offer me advice.
I want to live my life and still lose.. I want to be happy and not to worry about food all the time and that is why I plan down every meal but then hubby and the WW girls say that I am being too strict with my plans but if I don't then I feel like I will go off the rails... I am torn.. I know that the WW ladies are right and that I have to treat myself... but my mind is torn between what I know is the better choice but then my body isn't liking it or is it?
Why is it so hard for some and easy for others?
Gotta go before I get myself more upset
Chubbymum
Life has just been sooo hectic in the past week I haven't even had time to breath much.
Friday:
Spent quite a lot of the day in bed as I just haven't been feeling quite right for a couple of weeks.
Went to the Weight Watchers pot luck dinner and had quite a lot of fun and too much food and the company was fantastic. We laughed a lot and it was great to meet up with different people than the people that are always in your life.
Saturday:
Well today was our 11th wedding anniversary and decided that we wanted to achieve a lot today. We cleaned our bedroom, vacuumed and dusted and washed the shower and bath and walk in wardrobe.
Then we rearranged the kids play room.
Hubby mowed the lawn while I went for a long walk with Quinn (he was on his bike) and while I was out walking with my headphones on I heard this almighty screach where a BMW was turning around and the next minute I saw this lady get out of the car and come towards me and for a minute there I didn't know who it was. It was a friend called Denise and she used to go to Weight Watchers about six months ago and she saw me out walking and had to come and give me a hug and say "OMG you have lost so much more and that I am looking fantastic so that made my day like you wouldn't believe.
Got home from my walk and hubby and I did some painting of the fence which took us a couple of hours and then went up and had a shower and got ready for going out on the town for our anniversary.
We went and saw the movie "The Devil wears Prada" what a great feel good movie. I felt a little like the main young actress in the fact that I wore what she used to wear and now that I am loosing some weight I want to wear all then nice clothes as well. It was a good movie and I even felt better sitting in the movie seats woohooo for me.
After the movie we went to an Indian restaurant as my WW leaders said that I am not treating myself enough but as usual I didn't know when to stop and I just felt really bloated and horrible after the dinner. I will gain for sure this week especially with all the exercise I did on Sunday (I will get to that) and then the Indian food.
Sunday:
Ok so I was up at 5.15am this morning! ARGHHHH couldn't believe I was doing this it was D Day the big triathlon at our gym.
This is what I achieved
12 km Walk (out around our town)
12 km Bike ride (on a gym bike)
4km Rower
50 press ups
50 sit ups
The time for the whole lot was 2 hours and 47 minutes which was a bloody good time but I must admit that the bike I did really slowly and I could have gone twice as fast but made a pact with Debbie that I would go the same speed on the bike if she stayed the same on the rower.. she ended up finishing 2 minutes earlier on the rower though... but hey I suppose that is life. hmmm
The walk was good because Debbie and I had our headphones on and we danced while we walked (listening to different songs I might add) it was probably the most fun I have had while walking that far. But we still worked our backsides off.
Went home after the triathlon and had friends from Auckland come down as they are buying a rental property and wanted some guidance as to what areas would be good etc.
About 3.30 we went to the Lean Xmas party on at Stephanies place. Wow what a place she has in the country the back yard was huge and trees galore and we played Volleyball outside (and to this day I don't know how my muscles managed to play the Volleyball after all that exercise in the morning).
The pot luck bbq was good but by about 7.30 you could see everyone getting really tired and quiet and then we all left to go home. I was in bed and asleep by about 8.10 after putting the boys to bed... and I soooo neeeded more sleep than I got but hey.
Monday
Work...hmmm was sore.... was grumpy..... didn't want to be there! But I was there and hey that is life when you have to do something.
7.30pm we had a meeting with a couple that were selling their business. We are thinking about buying a business and with it being a franchise it is well established and the kinks have been lined out and they have been going for like 15 years etc and have a good reputation so we went to find out the ins and outs and found out that they do it from home which suits me and they have 6 staff and are wanting to start a new little team of 2 so there would be 8 staff that I would have to take over and this lady does it from home and works part time in it as the girls she has just make it run really well.. and the best thing is no weekend work.
So from 7.30 to 10pm we were over there talking and I think this lady really thinks we can take it over because she was giving us all the details of how things work and what we do when etc and I am excited but nervous as I have NEVER NEVER had a business in my life and I have never done a business course. I have always wanted to own a business and this is a good way to start and if we don't like it we can always sell the franchise off.
For it to work fully to our advantage though we would need to grow it twice as big. She has 48 clients and really I think we should be a little bigger and see how it goes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the weight loss front I am angry... I haven't been bad! I had my treat on Saturday night with the butter chicken (but I did go a little overboard) and it was our anniversary. But I can't get my groove back with the food. I am good and I don't loose, and I am bad and I do loose, but this week being bad once is going to cost me!! I had a little cheat look on the scales (which I don't normally do) and it is up by a kilo and I can tell you I have never gained that much in one week since I have started... yes maybe 800grams the most but never more..
I know I did a triathlon and I would have water retention and muscle build up but it is doing my head in.
I still don't know what to do.. I think now I am even more confused than I have ever been. I have to sort out my food as the exercise I don't think is a problem. I am only going to do 3 days of exercise for the next month and get back to sorting out my food.
The reason being... when I first started WW losing the weight I only did 2 days of kickboxing and that was it and I lost and lost and lost and now I am doing 5 to 6 days of exercise and I am not consistant... I hate that. I want to know that if I put the effort in that it will pay off and lately I can't tell if I am being good or bad and what the result is.
I do feel that maybe I don't know what all the sugar points are and I am not eating the right amount of sugar points.
God this is hard!!! My hubby said that any other person would have given up and I suppose in the past I would have but I don't want to. I want to get in to the teens and that is only 4 kilos away but those 4 kilos are staying put and they crept up last week by 400grams and this week feels like the same and I don't want that!!
I do know that everyone is in the same boat and I know that reading a post that is negative isn't good and people don't want to read but I have this blog to get out my feelings and see if there is a person out there that has had the same problem and can sooooo offer me advice.
I want to live my life and still lose.. I want to be happy and not to worry about food all the time and that is why I plan down every meal but then hubby and the WW girls say that I am being too strict with my plans but if I don't then I feel like I will go off the rails... I am torn.. I know that the WW ladies are right and that I have to treat myself... but my mind is torn between what I know is the better choice but then my body isn't liking it or is it?
Why is it so hard for some and easy for others?
Gotta go before I get myself more upset
Chubbymum
Thursday, 2 November 2006
Auckland Meeting with Work
Firstly Woohoooo KAREN congrads on the beautiful wee daughter born today!!! How wonderful!! You will both make such wonderful parents.
Went to Lean this morning and in a way was feeling rushed as I had to leave by 7.15 to get up to Auckland for my meeting with my boss (which by the way I have never met in person) and I have been with this new company 1 year (when they took over our creche).
It was a good workout at Lean today but I seriously think I need a break... I felt like I held people back today. Because the running is not good on my knees in the morning (maybe it is the cold) that when the others were told to run around the shops I walked and so my partner (whoever it was when I got back) missed out because I was late getting back and the others were doing other things. OMG do I hate that it reminds me of being back at school again and I avoided sports and the gym sessions with a note as a kids because I hated hindering other people.... I am feeling it more and more and more and it is getting me down.
I am soooo much better than I used to be last year with my exercise and I know this but I don't like feeling like I am letting people down and I know people will say you aren't letting them down but to me I am letting them down... they are supposed to be doing things to their best ability but with me holding them back is reminding me of school.
In a way realising this is such a big step for me as it is making me realise that the reason I didn't do exercise stemmed from my school days when I was told to do the exercise that I didn't like.... and forced to do it and I think that is why I hated exercise so much.
I had to be up in Auckland by 9am and I ended up leaving at 7.15 which really wasn't enough time with the horrible traffic jams that I came across. I don't know why I wasn't suprised I worked in Auckland for 5 years what was the suprise. I got in to Auckland at 9.15 grrr so I ended up being late. I think I should have not gone to Lean this morning but I am glad I did the exercise anyway.
But they didn't seem to mind. New Market hasn't changed since I worked there that is for sure... still expensive and stuffy he he he but hey that is New Market. The offices there weren't as big as I thought and I thought there would be a couple of office etc but the floor was quite tiny.. it was great to meet some of the people that I had spoken to over the phone over the year.
I was proud of myself at morning tea... my boss brought morning tea and was unpacking them from the food town bag and I was looking at it thinking OMMMMMGGGGG what the hell am I going to do? This is the food:
Mellowpuffs
Lolli bags
Chips
Biscuits
Hummus
Rice crackers
So you can guess I was happy about the rice crackers and hummus but they stuck them at the other end of the table... my boss said "have something" I said in a quiet voice "thank you for this it is great but I have lost 30 kilos and really I can't have this" I could see their looks as if to say OMG you are a big girl and you lost 30 kilos how bloody big were ya he he he in a nice way of course.
I enjoyed meeting all the girls especially one lady and we went out a couple of times downstairs so she could have a smoke to get away from another lady there that I wanted to rip her tongue out by morning tea.. she was the rudest lady I have ever met and wouldn't let anyone say a full sentence without butting in... both me and this other lady were getting quite annoyed.
I learnt so much about my job today... I have been there a year with this one company and hadn't been shown how to use the system I have been tutuing with it and that is how I learnt. It was great. Well our big CEO has said that he wants us to meet once a month OMG that is fine but it is on my day's off so I have to have my days off stuffed up and I don't know if I was happy about that.
But they are thinking about having it in a different region each time... like Christchurch, Wellington, Rotorua, Auckland and of course Waikato so I suppose that isn't too bad and they pay for the travel and the working day.... but still it is my day off hmmmmm decisions.... now don't get me wrong it is great but I have to have someone to take and pick up the kids as I can't do it and hubby did it today but if it was a regular thing I am not sure how his boss will react to it being every month.
I chose sushi for lunch woohooo for me. I also had my weetbix before going to the gym this morning at 5.30am instead of getting a ham bun from the bakery on the way to auckland so that is another thing to chalk up he he he
Hubby made Beef Strognoff (weight watcher recipe) tonight with dinner with veges too and so I think I have been fab!!! with my food. I will lose this week! I don't want my record of no gaining in 5 weeks to stop... I have 4 losses and 1 stay the same and this week coming has to be a loss... it has to.
I thought that everyday I would put a question down and try to answer it. I copied these questions from somewhere a while ago and can't remember where so here goes:
List 10 reasons why you want to lose weight. Which one is the most compelling and why?
Went to Lean this morning and in a way was feeling rushed as I had to leave by 7.15 to get up to Auckland for my meeting with my boss (which by the way I have never met in person) and I have been with this new company 1 year (when they took over our creche).
It was a good workout at Lean today but I seriously think I need a break... I felt like I held people back today. Because the running is not good on my knees in the morning (maybe it is the cold) that when the others were told to run around the shops I walked and so my partner (whoever it was when I got back) missed out because I was late getting back and the others were doing other things. OMG do I hate that it reminds me of being back at school again and I avoided sports and the gym sessions with a note as a kids because I hated hindering other people.... I am feeling it more and more and more and it is getting me down.
I am soooo much better than I used to be last year with my exercise and I know this but I don't like feeling like I am letting people down and I know people will say you aren't letting them down but to me I am letting them down... they are supposed to be doing things to their best ability but with me holding them back is reminding me of school.
In a way realising this is such a big step for me as it is making me realise that the reason I didn't do exercise stemmed from my school days when I was told to do the exercise that I didn't like.... and forced to do it and I think that is why I hated exercise so much.
I had to be up in Auckland by 9am and I ended up leaving at 7.15 which really wasn't enough time with the horrible traffic jams that I came across. I don't know why I wasn't suprised I worked in Auckland for 5 years what was the suprise. I got in to Auckland at 9.15 grrr so I ended up being late. I think I should have not gone to Lean this morning but I am glad I did the exercise anyway.
But they didn't seem to mind. New Market hasn't changed since I worked there that is for sure... still expensive and stuffy he he he but hey that is New Market. The offices there weren't as big as I thought and I thought there would be a couple of office etc but the floor was quite tiny.. it was great to meet some of the people that I had spoken to over the phone over the year.
I was proud of myself at morning tea... my boss brought morning tea and was unpacking them from the food town bag and I was looking at it thinking OMMMMMGGGGG what the hell am I going to do? This is the food:
Mellowpuffs
Lolli bags
Chips
Biscuits
Hummus
Rice crackers
So you can guess I was happy about the rice crackers and hummus but they stuck them at the other end of the table... my boss said "have something" I said in a quiet voice "thank you for this it is great but I have lost 30 kilos and really I can't have this" I could see their looks as if to say OMG you are a big girl and you lost 30 kilos how bloody big were ya he he he in a nice way of course.
I enjoyed meeting all the girls especially one lady and we went out a couple of times downstairs so she could have a smoke to get away from another lady there that I wanted to rip her tongue out by morning tea.. she was the rudest lady I have ever met and wouldn't let anyone say a full sentence without butting in... both me and this other lady were getting quite annoyed.
I learnt so much about my job today... I have been there a year with this one company and hadn't been shown how to use the system I have been tutuing with it and that is how I learnt. It was great. Well our big CEO has said that he wants us to meet once a month OMG that is fine but it is on my day's off so I have to have my days off stuffed up and I don't know if I was happy about that.
But they are thinking about having it in a different region each time... like Christchurch, Wellington, Rotorua, Auckland and of course Waikato so I suppose that isn't too bad and they pay for the travel and the working day.... but still it is my day off hmmmmm decisions.... now don't get me wrong it is great but I have to have someone to take and pick up the kids as I can't do it and hubby did it today but if it was a regular thing I am not sure how his boss will react to it being every month.
I chose sushi for lunch woohooo for me. I also had my weetbix before going to the gym this morning at 5.30am instead of getting a ham bun from the bakery on the way to auckland so that is another thing to chalk up he he he
Hubby made Beef Strognoff (weight watcher recipe) tonight with dinner with veges too and so I think I have been fab!!! with my food. I will lose this week! I don't want my record of no gaining in 5 weeks to stop... I have 4 losses and 1 stay the same and this week coming has to be a loss... it has to.
I thought that everyday I would put a question down and try to answer it. I copied these questions from somewhere a while ago and can't remember where so here goes:
List 10 reasons why you want to lose weight. Which one is the most compelling and why?
- To be described as "The skinny one" not "The fat one"
- To weigh less than my husband!!!
- To go into any shop and buy clothes
- To live my life to the fullest
- Stop hiding behind my size and to do things for me and not for others
- To be able to eat in public and not worry what others think
- To be normal
- Have the energy to do anything and stop making excuses
- To take my vows again but this time not in a fat dress but an amazing one.
- To go and play a game with the kids and feel like I should be there.
I think the one out of the ten that makes me want to keep with it a toss up between number 1 and number 4 but really number 4 comes up the best. I want to live life to the fullest... I want to be happy and content and not to focuss on the weight but focuss on my life and doing what I want to do with my family and not be afraid of what others are thinking about my weight.
Hmmm might leave it at that.
Chubbymum
Wednesday, 1 November 2006
Weigh In last night
I felt so great at work today... I couldn't stop smiling and I am feeling so much healthier with my food and with my exercise and I have really really tried in the last couple of weeks after getting back from Wellington.
Went to weigh in tonight and I stayed the same and it really bothered me because I HAD made good choices and I HAD been really good with the exercise and I suppose I can't complain because in the last 5 weigh in's I have not gained not one bit.... I have lost and once stayed the same but not gained.
I even drank all my water and more every single day... I MEAN EVERY SINGLE DAY because I wanted so bad to loose this week. I had 900grams to get to my 5th stone.
I got a little upset at the meeting in front of my WW leader but at that point I was wondering what was the point... I mean I am doing this to lose this bloody weight and when I try really hard and stick to my points and my sugar points and my exercise and I stay the same it just hurts that I concentrated on it sooo hard and nothing!!!
I felt like a little baby but I have paid sooo much money going to Weight Watchers and the gym and I would like to see results... It is my spending money I spend on this and I don't get to buy or do much else because of it and for it to not work feels like I am wasting my money and I could do the same thing without spending the money.. I know that with my health that money isn't everything but I am not happy about spending money for nothing as I work damn hard for it.
I have to start doing this for me and eating what I want... I have been on this challenge with Crusher and it was my first week and I know she is going to tell me to stick to it but to be honest I am hating it!! I have the same breakfast and lunch most days and it is driving me insane.
I am going to go back to the plan she gave me before I went away to Wellington as the two weeks preceeding that plan I lost 1.1 and 1.2 kilos... so it was good for me and I didn't feel like it was restrictive.
Hubby was saying that when I know for sure I can't have something and when it is the same old same for days on end that I end up going the wrong way because I am hating thinking about food.
It shouldn't be this hard... how do others do it?
I was soooo angry that after dinner hubby and I went for a walk and it is a 3.3 km walk and every second light I ran... I am paying for it today as my knee has flared up again.
Went to LEAN this morning and once again felt like it was all out of my depth where everyone was improving and I was stuck at the back. I am going to be going until the triathlon and then I think I am going to give it up.... I hate this feeling and I am hating being outside all the time. I quite enjoyed our old lean with our old team and doing things inside and outside and now it isn't as much fun, I miss the laughing and the friendship.
I miss the challenges on the treadmill and the rower and the bikes and doing weights as well... it was more interesting but now it feels like walking and running all the time and I can't run or I pay for it the next day and to be realistic the reason my knee isn't getting any better is because everytime it starts feeling good I over do it again and it can't quite fully get better...
What do I do? I need some input on what people think?
Breakfast
Weetbix
Pineapple (Fresh)
Snack
Yoghurt
Pineapple
Lunch
Roll
Ham
Coleslaw
Went to weigh in tonight and I stayed the same and it really bothered me because I HAD made good choices and I HAD been really good with the exercise and I suppose I can't complain because in the last 5 weigh in's I have not gained not one bit.... I have lost and once stayed the same but not gained.
I even drank all my water and more every single day... I MEAN EVERY SINGLE DAY because I wanted so bad to loose this week. I had 900grams to get to my 5th stone.
I got a little upset at the meeting in front of my WW leader but at that point I was wondering what was the point... I mean I am doing this to lose this bloody weight and when I try really hard and stick to my points and my sugar points and my exercise and I stay the same it just hurts that I concentrated on it sooo hard and nothing!!!
I felt like a little baby but I have paid sooo much money going to Weight Watchers and the gym and I would like to see results... It is my spending money I spend on this and I don't get to buy or do much else because of it and for it to not work feels like I am wasting my money and I could do the same thing without spending the money.. I know that with my health that money isn't everything but I am not happy about spending money for nothing as I work damn hard for it.
I have to start doing this for me and eating what I want... I have been on this challenge with Crusher and it was my first week and I know she is going to tell me to stick to it but to be honest I am hating it!! I have the same breakfast and lunch most days and it is driving me insane.
I am going to go back to the plan she gave me before I went away to Wellington as the two weeks preceeding that plan I lost 1.1 and 1.2 kilos... so it was good for me and I didn't feel like it was restrictive.
Hubby was saying that when I know for sure I can't have something and when it is the same old same for days on end that I end up going the wrong way because I am hating thinking about food.
It shouldn't be this hard... how do others do it?
I was soooo angry that after dinner hubby and I went for a walk and it is a 3.3 km walk and every second light I ran... I am paying for it today as my knee has flared up again.
Went to LEAN this morning and once again felt like it was all out of my depth where everyone was improving and I was stuck at the back. I am going to be going until the triathlon and then I think I am going to give it up.... I hate this feeling and I am hating being outside all the time. I quite enjoyed our old lean with our old team and doing things inside and outside and now it isn't as much fun, I miss the laughing and the friendship.
I miss the challenges on the treadmill and the rower and the bikes and doing weights as well... it was more interesting but now it feels like walking and running all the time and I can't run or I pay for it the next day and to be realistic the reason my knee isn't getting any better is because everytime it starts feeling good I over do it again and it can't quite fully get better...
What do I do? I need some input on what people think?
Breakfast
Weetbix
Pineapple (Fresh)
Snack
Yoghurt
Pineapple
Lunch
Roll
Ham
Coleslaw
Thursday, 19 October 2006
Nothing much happened
I think the only exciting thing that happened today was LEAN with Crusher... it was a more interesting morning than it has been lately and everyone was saying that felt heavier and it was harder today... we did kickboxing and walking and stairs etc... I did find it rather hard going up the stairs but then the rotation was changed and going down the stairs was better.
Was talking to hubby and my other knee (the used to be good knee) is hurting under the knee and in a different place from my other knee... hubby seems to think it is my cartilidge in this knee that is the problem grrrr. Was chatting with Debbie on the drive home and we both agreed the reason we both liked today's LEAN was because we didn't feel like we were separated from the group.... and until Debbie started that is what I was feeling because I am slower than the other fit people... they run and I don't and even if I did I would never be able to keep up with them. Today felt like we were actually part of the group and not the two at the back or the two holding everyone up while they had to hold a prone hold or something.... that is the worst thing for people that are slower is that we are hindering other people.
I said to Debbie that before she came I felt like that every single time because I wasn't up to the others speed and it got to the stage that I hated it because I would never catch up! It was great to have someone that understood.
With the concentration on strenghtening my thigh muscle my knee was a little bit better this morning but still nigley... I was a little upset by the end because I really felt like running today but I knew that if I did then I would be weeks before my bloody knee was right For FUCK sake I am finally getting in to my exercise and I have Debbie to push me and I have the other bleep bleep knee go out on me... it is just not fair.. does anyone have any ideas on how to help my knee????
The funny thing is is that the cross trainer is sort of ok on my knee... it doesn't start to agrevate me until around the 8 to 10 minute mark but then it isn't as bad. Going up a step is the hardest thing... you would think that going on a cross trainer would do the same thing... Hubby seems to think it is different because I am pulling up my whole weight to get up a step whereas on a cross trainer I am just going round and round hmmmmm not sure really.
Even though this week has been an emotional nightmare with Kris and all.... I haven't felt this good in a while... I am feeling like I am finally focussing on the exercise and weight loss in a good way and changing things for me and not fretting about what is happening in others lives and trying to sort out every single problem that is going on with them... I am focussing on me and my family and not crap...
I know it took me a while but after to talking to Debbie yesterday and breaking down about the whole thing... she finally made me realise that I need to do all this for me and that I am the most important person and so I have to get on with it. Woohooo go you Debbie!!
So I am on top of it... I have crossed out my exercise for this week (on the sidebar) and so I have gotten myself back on track with the exercise... so I am going to do another challenge for next week...hmmmm I think it will be the water intake every day... or I might just start that tonight hmmmm.
Spent the afternoon in Quinn's classroom helping out with craft afternoon. The teacher brought some fabric felts and they coloured them in. Also they took their bean seeds and put them in containers and I walked around the field with them to practice for their cross country tomorrow... so glad that they don't run fast he he he he so my walking was fast enough.
I am signing off now... I am keeping my promise to myself to update everynight... woohooo
Love CM
Was talking to hubby and my other knee (the used to be good knee) is hurting under the knee and in a different place from my other knee... hubby seems to think it is my cartilidge in this knee that is the problem grrrr. Was chatting with Debbie on the drive home and we both agreed the reason we both liked today's LEAN was because we didn't feel like we were separated from the group.... and until Debbie started that is what I was feeling because I am slower than the other fit people... they run and I don't and even if I did I would never be able to keep up with them. Today felt like we were actually part of the group and not the two at the back or the two holding everyone up while they had to hold a prone hold or something.... that is the worst thing for people that are slower is that we are hindering other people.
I said to Debbie that before she came I felt like that every single time because I wasn't up to the others speed and it got to the stage that I hated it because I would never catch up! It was great to have someone that understood.
With the concentration on strenghtening my thigh muscle my knee was a little bit better this morning but still nigley... I was a little upset by the end because I really felt like running today but I knew that if I did then I would be weeks before my bloody knee was right For FUCK sake I am finally getting in to my exercise and I have Debbie to push me and I have the other bleep bleep knee go out on me... it is just not fair.. does anyone have any ideas on how to help my knee????
The funny thing is is that the cross trainer is sort of ok on my knee... it doesn't start to agrevate me until around the 8 to 10 minute mark but then it isn't as bad. Going up a step is the hardest thing... you would think that going on a cross trainer would do the same thing... Hubby seems to think it is different because I am pulling up my whole weight to get up a step whereas on a cross trainer I am just going round and round hmmmmm not sure really.
Even though this week has been an emotional nightmare with Kris and all.... I haven't felt this good in a while... I am feeling like I am finally focussing on the exercise and weight loss in a good way and changing things for me and not fretting about what is happening in others lives and trying to sort out every single problem that is going on with them... I am focussing on me and my family and not crap...
I know it took me a while but after to talking to Debbie yesterday and breaking down about the whole thing... she finally made me realise that I need to do all this for me and that I am the most important person and so I have to get on with it. Woohooo go you Debbie!!
So I am on top of it... I have crossed out my exercise for this week (on the sidebar) and so I have gotten myself back on track with the exercise... so I am going to do another challenge for next week...hmmmm I think it will be the water intake every day... or I might just start that tonight hmmmm.
Spent the afternoon in Quinn's classroom helping out with craft afternoon. The teacher brought some fabric felts and they coloured them in. Also they took their bean seeds and put them in containers and I walked around the field with them to practice for their cross country tomorrow... so glad that they don't run fast he he he he so my walking was fast enough.
I am signing off now... I am keeping my promise to myself to update everynight... woohooo
Love CM
Tuesday, 17 October 2006
Miserable Mood
Started off this morning in a miserable mood!
My knee is bothering me and I certainly didn't want to go out once again walking up and down hills and stairs... It started off ok but then going up the hill it bothered me like nothing else I have had before.... which really didn't make my bad mood any better.
I was also late for work and work didn't go smoothly either he he he he.... I woke up to a bad day today.
I really tried to be good with food today and ended up having 29 points OMG 29 points!!!! and I was trying to be better with my choices but obviously that didn't turn out as well.
Breakfast
Ham bun (as I was too late to get a good breakfast grrr)
Morning Tea
Fruche Yoghurt with fruit
Pretzels (handful)
Plum
Lunch
2 Sandwiches (grainey bread)
Roast Beef sliced thinly
10 Marshmellows
Dinner
Pork Chops (no fat)
Mushrooms
Peas
Potatoe
Tomatoe
Ok crap food really... but I had all my water and I did have an hour of lean and another hour of walking with hubby.
Hubby got home and could tell I wasn't in a good mood so what did he doo??? made me go for a walk thinking that would get me out of my mood. NOPE NOPE I don't think it worked!! Crusher phoned while I was out on the walk... I felt like saying my BLOODY husband is making me go for a walk when I don't think my knee would take it!!!
I don't want to sound like a sour puss... I don't want this blog to be a negative blog that people don't want to read but I also don't want to be untrue to myself by writing things happy happy happy and I am not feeling happy happy.
Bit of a unhappy day today... Feeling unloved today I think... still feeling unhappy about the situation with Kris. I had a huge talk with hubby on the walk asking him if I am being silly about all this. He said I wasn't being silly... he proceeded to ask me if she ever listened to me or did she ever ask you how your day went? You know I can't really tell him that she did ask me how my day went because the only thing we talked about when we had coffee or anything else was her miserable life (well she thought it was miserable) and all about her husband and her mother and all the time it was about Daniel her trainer and the gym... there was nothing else we talked about NOTHING!!!
Maybe that is the reason I am still in a bad mood is because I hate losing friends.... friends are rare! and at my age it is hard to find friends but then I think I am unhappy because she didn't turn out to be a true friend and she didn't care about me or how I feel because if she did she wouldn't have brushed me off for another better option for the 2nd time.
I still can't believe I broke down in front of Crusher while I was doing a fitness test the other day either... until that moment I don't think I realised how much I hated the situation and how I have always felt that because I am a big person I am not loved or that friends don't want to hang around with me because I am big and they are ashamed of being around me.
So I suppose on the fitness test it sunk in that I feel I am not worthy of having friends... obviously they don't want to choose me over going to a BBQ with others or that Kris didn't want to sit with me at WW because her skinnier younger friend was better than sitting next to the huge lady at the back... Maybe going to the gym with me being so big is another off putting thing too.
Anyway I am going now!!
This doesn't feel like it is helping tonight
CM
My knee is bothering me and I certainly didn't want to go out once again walking up and down hills and stairs... It started off ok but then going up the hill it bothered me like nothing else I have had before.... which really didn't make my bad mood any better.
I was also late for work and work didn't go smoothly either he he he he.... I woke up to a bad day today.
I really tried to be good with food today and ended up having 29 points OMG 29 points!!!! and I was trying to be better with my choices but obviously that didn't turn out as well.
Breakfast
Ham bun (as I was too late to get a good breakfast grrr)
Morning Tea
Fruche Yoghurt with fruit
Pretzels (handful)
Plum
Lunch
2 Sandwiches (grainey bread)
Roast Beef sliced thinly
10 Marshmellows
Dinner
Pork Chops (no fat)
Mushrooms
Peas
Potatoe
Tomatoe
Ok crap food really... but I had all my water and I did have an hour of lean and another hour of walking with hubby.
Hubby got home and could tell I wasn't in a good mood so what did he doo??? made me go for a walk thinking that would get me out of my mood. NOPE NOPE I don't think it worked!! Crusher phoned while I was out on the walk... I felt like saying my BLOODY husband is making me go for a walk when I don't think my knee would take it!!!
I don't want to sound like a sour puss... I don't want this blog to be a negative blog that people don't want to read but I also don't want to be untrue to myself by writing things happy happy happy and I am not feeling happy happy.
Bit of a unhappy day today... Feeling unloved today I think... still feeling unhappy about the situation with Kris. I had a huge talk with hubby on the walk asking him if I am being silly about all this. He said I wasn't being silly... he proceeded to ask me if she ever listened to me or did she ever ask you how your day went? You know I can't really tell him that she did ask me how my day went because the only thing we talked about when we had coffee or anything else was her miserable life (well she thought it was miserable) and all about her husband and her mother and all the time it was about Daniel her trainer and the gym... there was nothing else we talked about NOTHING!!!
Maybe that is the reason I am still in a bad mood is because I hate losing friends.... friends are rare! and at my age it is hard to find friends but then I think I am unhappy because she didn't turn out to be a true friend and she didn't care about me or how I feel because if she did she wouldn't have brushed me off for another better option for the 2nd time.
I still can't believe I broke down in front of Crusher while I was doing a fitness test the other day either... until that moment I don't think I realised how much I hated the situation and how I have always felt that because I am a big person I am not loved or that friends don't want to hang around with me because I am big and they are ashamed of being around me.
So I suppose on the fitness test it sunk in that I feel I am not worthy of having friends... obviously they don't want to choose me over going to a BBQ with others or that Kris didn't want to sit with me at WW because her skinnier younger friend was better than sitting next to the huge lady at the back... Maybe going to the gym with me being so big is another off putting thing too.
Anyway I am going now!!
This doesn't feel like it is helping tonight
CM
Friday, 13 October 2006
Back on Blogger
Ok so I have been updating on blogger and diaryland for ever that is for sure and now I think I have had enough of it and I want to be able to password again as I want to be free to write everything I am feeling and for it to be anonymous for people that I don't want to read anymore...
So the bitch session is going to start!!!
I moved from blogger to diaryland because of the fact that I couldn't say what I wanted about my days.... without it feeling like I had to sensor things!! I know after my week in Wellington that at least two of you know how hard it is to sensor what you want to say when you know someone in your day to day life is reading...
I HAVE to SAY that I HATE IT..... HATE IT.... HATE IT.... because I started this journal really well as I could bitch about my life and people that were pissing me off and I was losing the weight then because I could vent!
I went to diaryland but then found that I couldn't put my blog down because of someone that in my life that reads the blogs reading the comments I put on others blogs so she found me... ohhh I sound like a real bitch and I feel like one but I am not meaning to be one.
The person I am talking about is Kris... Look don't get me wrong but I have HAD ENOUGH of being on this blog and not being myself as this has to be for me to get out my frustrations.
After the last time I left blogger and moved to diaryland Kris emailed me a month later to ask me if she had upset me and we had a huge email talk and basically she apologised for all... the reason being that she shoved me aside for a new friend that she wanted.
I didn't care that she wanted to have new friends because I think that is great but I did mind that she totally stopped going to the gym and totally pushed me aside and when she went to WW meetings she would sit with this other friend and leave me sitting at the back (when I was sitting first) because she had new friend and then when the going got tough and this new friend was dwindling she expected me to just come back and solve all her problems again... and by then I was pissed feeling like a piece of rubbish that she throws away and then decide's oh I am useful again let's pick me out of the rubbish and use me again.....
So I told her this!! and that I am not happy if she does it again because I hated it!!! I am not a piece of rubbish I am a person wanting loyalty and friendship and someone that I can be friends with...
Well as you have probably guessed it has happened again... OMG I feel like I am back at school again... I am 36 years old and I feel like a school kid being upset by a friend... well I am upset over a friend... and what happened was...
I asked her 2 months ago to do the Round the Bridges 12km walk with me and she said "No" as she couldn't do it and I convinced her to do it with me and that we would train and get her up ready for it... and we did do some walks to get ready and she was getting happier about doing the walk.
Yesterday at 9.30pm (GRRR late I might add) she phoned to say that the PTA was going to do it as a team, and that she was going to go with them and what did I think!!
"OMG OMG OMG" she was doing it again... casting me aside like a piece of rubbish and I had been told by a friend that knows us not to get back into the friendship with her as she won't change... but I decided I would let her have the benefit of doubt as she had said she was sorry and wouldn't ever do it again... but she did!!!
What is it with me and people like this... why am I attracted to friends like BLONDE's (if you all have read that saga)????
Kris said "is someone else going with you walking?" I said "No" and she said that she wanted to go with the PTA and waited for me to reply I WAS STUNNED that I said "Do what you think is best" when I really wanted to say GO FUCK YOURSELF. She said "oh you can come with us and join the PTA walking group... I just said "look it is late!" and then the conversation stopped... I asked her to come with me over a month ago and I don't know these ladies at all and whether they are faster than me... they are only doing the 6.3 km's and I want to do the 12 km's and quite frankly I don't think I am being a bitch when I say that the pathways around the river aren't that big to be more than 2 or 3 people walking together anyway. Am I a bitch? Do I deserve this sort of friendship? I think after going to Wellington and meeting the wonderful ladies I have realised that there can be friendships out there that support each other and not be one sided.... I know this!!
Then OMG if at 9.50 the phone didn't ring again and hubby picked it up and said something like "it is rather late isn't it" and then gave it to me... she said... "come on you can come and go on the walk with us on the PTA because there is a BBQ afterwards that I want to go to" (and I think she only asked because she had thought about it and was feeling quilty.
Seething is not the word that I want to say now THAT IS FOR SURE... she then preceeded to ask me how my day went and I just said fine and went quiet as it was 9.45 at night and I couldn't believe the conversation I was hearing.
It was turned around to have it that she was asking me as a favour and why wouldn't I just do it.. I don't want to sound harsh but Oh MY FUCKING God I asked her to go with me when she didn't want to go and I walked with her to train four times... and she wanted to go with people in the PTA for a fucken BBQ.
Hubby said "the world revolves around Kris" it got me soo mad... I asked hubby if I was being a bitch and he said no... because if I had said to someone I was doing something with them then to go and walk with another group is rude and wrong and that she is not a true friend because if she was she wouldn't have done that...
Went to my meeting with Crusher this morning and while doing the fitness test on the bike I mentioned it to her and basically I broke down and the heart rate on the machine went way up and I felt like a silly child crying on the bike... but Crusher basically said that Kris isn't a true friend to me and that she hears things from Kris when I am there and she squashes me and I don't see it... and maybe I don't... she said that since I have stopped going to the same LEAN as Kris I have been better and I am improving and that it is better that we aren't friends or doing the weight loss together as I don't do as well when she is around.
I told hubby that tonight and he said that I lost the 20 kilo's really fast and well and then when Kris came on the scene I slowed and lost way less then I had previously.... not sure if I see it that way but maybe it is.
Debbie is such a great influence (and Crusher mentioned that to me) on me now that she is in our LEAN class because I push myself and we are around the same weight and she is doing sooo sooo well with the weight loss but I am not threatened by it because she is geniune when I lose weight and when I lost the 30 kilos she gave me such a huge hug and as a friend was proud of me... and I think it is making me work on my bad eating habits and it is the reason I am losing weight now... she is so positive and there is no bullshit and so I have decided that as from this week I am going to spend more time with people that make me feel good and that I don't have to constantly listen to problem after problem and try and help them sort out their life.
Which I have to say I am constantly doing with Kris. I am constantly listening to her moaning about how life is sooo bad with her when life is cushy with her. Kris has a great husband that works full time and also works extra jobs when at home to get more money than hubby and I get. He supports her in anything she wants to do and if she wants something she gets it. She goes to the gym every day and she can do what she likes and all she has to do is make dinner for him when he gets home and that doesn't happen much. She has a 3 year old at home but 3 days a week he is at kindy and then the other two days she has him in the creche gym for an hour each day... OMG sometimes I wish we had the money for me to be home full time but then again I like the company of my work mates
Kris phoned today 4 times today and then finally said "I have been meaning to ask you... have I upset you?" I don't think she expected me to say anything but I said "Yes you have and I am not happy with the whole thing" she said "I don't want to upset you" I said to her that she needs to go with the PTA group if she needs to go to this BBQ and she has to make her own decision but I was not happy about the situation and then she said "I want to go with you" OMG the only reason she wanted to go with me was because she knew I was upset now. I said to her that she needs to go with the PTA... but I should have said "I don't want to go with you now because you ONCE again chose a better option than sticking to a commitment with a friend"
I am going to start concentrating on friendships that inspire me and lift me up and not stay around people that bring me down anymore.
Anyway back to the normal CM.... I got a sneak preview of the photo for the Waikato Times today as Crusher was sooo excited to show me... it was of me and 4 others playing the made up netball game with the hooler hoops on the ground and I am looking at the girl in front of me (on my team) saying give it to me I have my foot in the hooler hoop and can get the point but she didn't think I was on her team.. OMG my face was sooo funny in this photo but the photo didn't make me look big OMG I loved this photo and Crusher said that she would email me the photo and I will put it up on her for everyone to see.
Love ya all
I hope that I haven't bored you all... and that you will all keep reading.
Love CM
So the bitch session is going to start!!!
I moved from blogger to diaryland because of the fact that I couldn't say what I wanted about my days.... without it feeling like I had to sensor things!! I know after my week in Wellington that at least two of you know how hard it is to sensor what you want to say when you know someone in your day to day life is reading...
I HAVE to SAY that I HATE IT..... HATE IT.... HATE IT.... because I started this journal really well as I could bitch about my life and people that were pissing me off and I was losing the weight then because I could vent!
I went to diaryland but then found that I couldn't put my blog down because of someone that in my life that reads the blogs reading the comments I put on others blogs so she found me... ohhh I sound like a real bitch and I feel like one but I am not meaning to be one.
The person I am talking about is Kris... Look don't get me wrong but I have HAD ENOUGH of being on this blog and not being myself as this has to be for me to get out my frustrations.
After the last time I left blogger and moved to diaryland Kris emailed me a month later to ask me if she had upset me and we had a huge email talk and basically she apologised for all... the reason being that she shoved me aside for a new friend that she wanted.
I didn't care that she wanted to have new friends because I think that is great but I did mind that she totally stopped going to the gym and totally pushed me aside and when she went to WW meetings she would sit with this other friend and leave me sitting at the back (when I was sitting first) because she had new friend and then when the going got tough and this new friend was dwindling she expected me to just come back and solve all her problems again... and by then I was pissed feeling like a piece of rubbish that she throws away and then decide's oh I am useful again let's pick me out of the rubbish and use me again.....
So I told her this!! and that I am not happy if she does it again because I hated it!!! I am not a piece of rubbish I am a person wanting loyalty and friendship and someone that I can be friends with...
Well as you have probably guessed it has happened again... OMG I feel like I am back at school again... I am 36 years old and I feel like a school kid being upset by a friend... well I am upset over a friend... and what happened was...
I asked her 2 months ago to do the Round the Bridges 12km walk with me and she said "No" as she couldn't do it and I convinced her to do it with me and that we would train and get her up ready for it... and we did do some walks to get ready and she was getting happier about doing the walk.
Yesterday at 9.30pm (GRRR late I might add) she phoned to say that the PTA was going to do it as a team, and that she was going to go with them and what did I think!!
"OMG OMG OMG" she was doing it again... casting me aside like a piece of rubbish and I had been told by a friend that knows us not to get back into the friendship with her as she won't change... but I decided I would let her have the benefit of doubt as she had said she was sorry and wouldn't ever do it again... but she did!!!
What is it with me and people like this... why am I attracted to friends like BLONDE's (if you all have read that saga)????
Kris said "is someone else going with you walking?" I said "No" and she said that she wanted to go with the PTA and waited for me to reply I WAS STUNNED that I said "Do what you think is best" when I really wanted to say GO FUCK YOURSELF. She said "oh you can come with us and join the PTA walking group... I just said "look it is late!" and then the conversation stopped... I asked her to come with me over a month ago and I don't know these ladies at all and whether they are faster than me... they are only doing the 6.3 km's and I want to do the 12 km's and quite frankly I don't think I am being a bitch when I say that the pathways around the river aren't that big to be more than 2 or 3 people walking together anyway. Am I a bitch? Do I deserve this sort of friendship? I think after going to Wellington and meeting the wonderful ladies I have realised that there can be friendships out there that support each other and not be one sided.... I know this!!
Then OMG if at 9.50 the phone didn't ring again and hubby picked it up and said something like "it is rather late isn't it" and then gave it to me... she said... "come on you can come and go on the walk with us on the PTA because there is a BBQ afterwards that I want to go to" (and I think she only asked because she had thought about it and was feeling quilty.
Seething is not the word that I want to say now THAT IS FOR SURE... she then preceeded to ask me how my day went and I just said fine and went quiet as it was 9.45 at night and I couldn't believe the conversation I was hearing.
It was turned around to have it that she was asking me as a favour and why wouldn't I just do it.. I don't want to sound harsh but Oh MY FUCKING God I asked her to go with me when she didn't want to go and I walked with her to train four times... and she wanted to go with people in the PTA for a fucken BBQ.
Hubby said "the world revolves around Kris" it got me soo mad... I asked hubby if I was being a bitch and he said no... because if I had said to someone I was doing something with them then to go and walk with another group is rude and wrong and that she is not a true friend because if she was she wouldn't have done that...
Went to my meeting with Crusher this morning and while doing the fitness test on the bike I mentioned it to her and basically I broke down and the heart rate on the machine went way up and I felt like a silly child crying on the bike... but Crusher basically said that Kris isn't a true friend to me and that she hears things from Kris when I am there and she squashes me and I don't see it... and maybe I don't... she said that since I have stopped going to the same LEAN as Kris I have been better and I am improving and that it is better that we aren't friends or doing the weight loss together as I don't do as well when she is around.
I told hubby that tonight and he said that I lost the 20 kilo's really fast and well and then when Kris came on the scene I slowed and lost way less then I had previously.... not sure if I see it that way but maybe it is.
Debbie is such a great influence (and Crusher mentioned that to me) on me now that she is in our LEAN class because I push myself and we are around the same weight and she is doing sooo sooo well with the weight loss but I am not threatened by it because she is geniune when I lose weight and when I lost the 30 kilos she gave me such a huge hug and as a friend was proud of me... and I think it is making me work on my bad eating habits and it is the reason I am losing weight now... she is so positive and there is no bullshit and so I have decided that as from this week I am going to spend more time with people that make me feel good and that I don't have to constantly listen to problem after problem and try and help them sort out their life.
Which I have to say I am constantly doing with Kris. I am constantly listening to her moaning about how life is sooo bad with her when life is cushy with her. Kris has a great husband that works full time and also works extra jobs when at home to get more money than hubby and I get. He supports her in anything she wants to do and if she wants something she gets it. She goes to the gym every day and she can do what she likes and all she has to do is make dinner for him when he gets home and that doesn't happen much. She has a 3 year old at home but 3 days a week he is at kindy and then the other two days she has him in the creche gym for an hour each day... OMG sometimes I wish we had the money for me to be home full time but then again I like the company of my work mates
Kris phoned today 4 times today and then finally said "I have been meaning to ask you... have I upset you?" I don't think she expected me to say anything but I said "Yes you have and I am not happy with the whole thing" she said "I don't want to upset you" I said to her that she needs to go with the PTA group if she needs to go to this BBQ and she has to make her own decision but I was not happy about the situation and then she said "I want to go with you" OMG the only reason she wanted to go with me was because she knew I was upset now. I said to her that she needs to go with the PTA... but I should have said "I don't want to go with you now because you ONCE again chose a better option than sticking to a commitment with a friend"
I am going to start concentrating on friendships that inspire me and lift me up and not stay around people that bring me down anymore.
Anyway back to the normal CM.... I got a sneak preview of the photo for the Waikato Times today as Crusher was sooo excited to show me... it was of me and 4 others playing the made up netball game with the hooler hoops on the ground and I am looking at the girl in front of me (on my team) saying give it to me I have my foot in the hooler hoop and can get the point but she didn't think I was on her team.. OMG my face was sooo funny in this photo but the photo didn't make me look big OMG I loved this photo and Crusher said that she would email me the photo and I will put it up on her for everyone to see.
Love ya all
I hope that I haven't bored you all... and that you will all keep reading.
Love CM
Thursday, 12 October 2006
Slacking
Why am I slacking with my updating...
I don't want to be slacking with my updating but I have been wanting to do my card making in the last couple of nights instead of writing in my blog. I think sometimes it is because I don't want to be thinking about weight loss for a while and get my creative side out.
I am making my Xmas Cards and yesterday I made 8 woohooo and they look fantastic if I must say so myself.
Ok.. so for today:
Went to LEAN this morning with Crusher and Sgt Major and I must say I am getting used to him but I also think he has adapted to us as well as he isn't sooo moody and bossy and has backed off treating me like a school kid that has to obey rules... I think that Crusher must have had a word to him... I don't work well with pressure like that....
I felt like a total failure at LEAN this morning with having a week off and eating like a horse while in Wellington and then trying to keep up with everyone... not that there was any pressure from them just that I wasn't feeling up to scratch (P.S Yes Helena I think the roller skating had a LOT to do with it he he he the weight loss this week I mean) I was going up the stairs part and my good knee gave in and I was in sooo much pain but didn't want to let on until it was getting a little unbearable... it is the wrong knee... ya know and I am sooo gutted that finally after building up my bad knee for me to be able to jog that my good knee is more painful that my bad knee...
We played a game of netball against each other and the was sooo much fun... to see how competitive people are is great too... I must admit I am more of a defence person than a running after the ball situation but I don't think I did too bad.
So the rest of my day was a pamper day as a reward for my 30 kilos (Hubby booked the times as a suprise) I had a voucher from the soccer team that I managed for a facial and he booked the time so I would stop chickening out as it had been a month and he also made a booking yesterday for me to get my nails done at Professionail it was soooo nice.... I felt so special and now I have to get used to wearing nails again... I feel like a woman again and not a mum woohooo for me spoilt rotten!
Ohhhhhhh.......
I forgot to mention that the Waikato Times came and took a photo of our LEAN group today because one of them saw us going up and down the River Road hill one morning and wanted to know what it was all about... so this morning we had a photographer following us around and I felt self-conscience the whole time.
I have a headache now because of the day being sooo full on... so I am going to go and make the dinner and then read some blogs later on tonight.
Love ya all
Chubbymum
I don't want to be slacking with my updating but I have been wanting to do my card making in the last couple of nights instead of writing in my blog. I think sometimes it is because I don't want to be thinking about weight loss for a while and get my creative side out.
I am making my Xmas Cards and yesterday I made 8 woohooo and they look fantastic if I must say so myself.
Ok.. so for today:
Went to LEAN this morning with Crusher and Sgt Major and I must say I am getting used to him but I also think he has adapted to us as well as he isn't sooo moody and bossy and has backed off treating me like a school kid that has to obey rules... I think that Crusher must have had a word to him... I don't work well with pressure like that....
I felt like a total failure at LEAN this morning with having a week off and eating like a horse while in Wellington and then trying to keep up with everyone... not that there was any pressure from them just that I wasn't feeling up to scratch (P.S Yes Helena I think the roller skating had a LOT to do with it he he he the weight loss this week I mean) I was going up the stairs part and my good knee gave in and I was in sooo much pain but didn't want to let on until it was getting a little unbearable... it is the wrong knee... ya know and I am sooo gutted that finally after building up my bad knee for me to be able to jog that my good knee is more painful that my bad knee...
We played a game of netball against each other and the was sooo much fun... to see how competitive people are is great too... I must admit I am more of a defence person than a running after the ball situation but I don't think I did too bad.
So the rest of my day was a pamper day as a reward for my 30 kilos (Hubby booked the times as a suprise) I had a voucher from the soccer team that I managed for a facial and he booked the time so I would stop chickening out as it had been a month and he also made a booking yesterday for me to get my nails done at Professionail it was soooo nice.... I felt so special and now I have to get used to wearing nails again... I feel like a woman again and not a mum woohooo for me spoilt rotten!
Ohhhhhhh.......
I forgot to mention that the Waikato Times came and took a photo of our LEAN group today because one of them saw us going up and down the River Road hill one morning and wanted to know what it was all about... so this morning we had a photographer following us around and I felt self-conscience the whole time.
I have a headache now because of the day being sooo full on... so I am going to go and make the dinner and then read some blogs later on tonight.
Love ya all
Chubbymum
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