Link for others to read and ARGHHHHHHHH

Hi!

I was wondering if everyone could link to this page for me please. I want to be able to meet other people and this is way to do it.

I have set up this page so that others can come and read... So please link me from now on if that is ok :-)

Went to Corbin's gymnastics show last night and had such a good time watching them. Corbin looked so confident and happy. Quinn said he wanted to do it next year and I will have to arrange for them to both do some more activities next year OMG where am I going to get the time he he he he. Told them they could both have 1 sport and 1 creative each because I couldn't manage 2 sports each as they usually happen in the weekend and they can't be in two places each at the same time he he he.

Corbin watching the older kids doing gymnastics and was watching with such concentration on his face.

The boy in the red is Corbin's best friend Cathan and look at their faces aren't they funny.

Corbin was ready to do his roll and the concentration is still on his face it was just sooo cute (Ok I am biast he he he)

I went for a walk this morning to take the boys to school and then go for a walk afterwards and I walked 6743 steps and it was only 12.15 when I got home woohooo and I still have the rest of the day and also my PT with Crusher.

I am feeling so much happier since not being with Lean... I think it got to be too much getting up so early in the morning and also that I was doing too much exercise. Maybe that was another reason why I wasn't losing the weight. I was doing 6 days a week exercise and I was feeling good but the main reason was for me to lose weight and I wasn't.

I hoped on the scales last night and I was 122.6 (They are always a kilo more than WW so I was happy with that) so on the WW scales I am 121.6 that is 900grams and I am really really happy with that in one week. Last week I wasn't watching what I was eating.. I wasn't eating bad but relaxed maybe a little too much and this week I am getting my backside back into drinking my water and smaller portions.

1 week then I am off for 18 days OMG that is going to be fantastic I just cannot wait!!!

I am going to take photos of my Xmas cards tonight and put them up online. Feeling quite creative in the last week woohooo.

Katie... how is it going with photoshop? Good I hope.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

:::::UPDATE:::::

I got a phone call from Debbie this afternoon to say that our work has sold the business (YET BLOODY AGAIN) the new owners have only owned us for a year and we are now owned by another company... OMG my job changed dramatically last time now I am really really worried that it is going to change again. In the letter it said that all employees will be employed but OMG I don't want to go through all that again...

Why can't things be simple and jobs be simple and that you get a job and that is it none of this will I have one next year or not. I mean a week and a half before Xmas and they do this crap! What is up with that?

I am a worried!!! and all my mum says is "you brought guitars and none of you are using them" OMG my life is upside down and I don't really know what is happening with my job and she says this crap!!!

I have been made redundant twice and I just don't want to go through anymore crap as my life is good the way it is.... I phoned hubby and said maybe this is telling us something? Maybe it is telling me to go for this franchise business? Or get my A into G and open up a crafts shop?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Weekend

Thursday Night

What a miserable day weather wise it was wet and horrible but went out and got wrapping paper etc for Xmas.

Met Debbie at the gym to have our first joint PT with Crusher and she punished us like you wouldn't believe. She worked us harder than she has ever done before.

We did:

1. 10 minutes on the bike going up and down the levels each minute
2. Kickboxing with her while other one was on the ground with the medicine ball going from side to side and OMG my abs were soooo sore as we did it like 5 times with swapping from the kickboxing to medicine ball abs argghhhh.
3. Treadmill with incline to 4 and run one minute walk and putting the revs up too arghh but I was sweating like you wouldn't believe.
4. One of us on the rower 500 mtrs - 1st 200 metres fast as and 100 metres slow as we wanted then 200 metres fast as while the other one was on the side doing sit ups for the 200 metres fast and bridge for the 100 metres fast and then sit ups to finish off OMG OMG
5. Water bike for 15 minutes and she put up the intensity every minute then down for a minute then up and my arms were burning by the end of it.
6. Then back on the bike for 10 minutes before doing our stretches.

I know on paper it doesn't mean a lot but it was sooooooo hard and I sweated like no bodies business.

Friday

What a beautiful day it was here today. I got up at 5.30am to be at the gym with Crusher at 6am and had an amazing workout and she worked my butt off. It has been soooo much better than Lean in the fact that I have sweated my backside off. I changed my 9am appointment with Crusher to the 6am as Quinn's class of mums decided to get together for a coffee after taking the kids to school so I wanted to go he he he and there was about 9 of us that turned up. It was really nice and relaxing. I walked the boys to school and walked home from the coffee and then went Xmas shopping for little things for xmas (even though all my shopping is finished) and then walked down to the school to pick up the boys.. it was sooo nice to just go for the walk and it didn't have to be exercise but just to get out into the nice weather.

I didn't have my pedometer on for the PT with Crusher but I managed 8061 steps with the other walking for the day so I was pretty pleased with myself.

Saturday

Got up early and did the grocery shopping.

When we got back from grocery shopping we went for a bike ride with the boys to the library to take back some books and get some more and had an icecream... the wind was in our way the whole way back and the boys were sooo tired woohooo meant they would go to bed really well.

Got home and got ready for my work Xmas function.

We had a fabulous night. I must say it wasn't as good as the gym Xmas party but it was on par. The food sucked (which in a way was fantastic as then I didn't eat too much he he he). We danced the night away again and my top at the front was soaking wet he he he.

I got home around 12.40 after dropping Debbie off... with sore knees argghhh

Sunday

Got up early because we were taking hubby's Dad our Skeet Shooting because we said back in June for his 60th birthday present we would take him but the weather and his Dad's schedule didn't match he he he.

We did it today woohooo and I was one of them doing it. Corbin and Quinn had a little go with a 22 with a sight on it to hit one of the balloons on strings and so did some of the other kids that were there. It was all controlled and the boys had some fun... they only had one shot each but it was enough to make them smile.

I wasn't going to have a go but I did and so did hubby's stepmother too we were chuffed.

The idea of the game was that everyone had a go and if you hit a balloon you got to have another go until there was no one left. I got a balloon with my first shot woohoooo (and it was a windy day too). Hubby's Stepmother got her first and so did hubby and his brother and his dad woohooo but we all missed our second except for hubby's dad and he came second and this was our first time he he he

Then after lunch we had a go with the rifles and the skeets... OMG I was soooo nervous and my first shot I hit the skeet WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I missed the second because I think I was shaking too much and my shoulder was a little sore as the gun has a huge kick back. But I got my third skeet and split it woohooo. I only had 5 turns as I just wanted to try it but not exactly do a lot he he.

I had a great day and was glad it was another thing under my belt for this year. Sometimes it isn't how much you lose but how much it changes your life for the better.

As you can see below these are the balloons that we had
to hit and they were a long way away too but I did it I got one woohooo.

So here I am with the 22 and the sight shaking like you wouldn't believe

because I had about 10 people behind me watching and I had

never shot a gun before.. I really enjoyed it though.

Below is Granddad and Corbin looking at the broken skeets and bullet shells

and Granddad was explaining them to Corbin and also going through all the safety stuff

to make sure he knows it is not a game and to be careful etc.

Here is hubby looking like a real pro woohoo

Can you see the joy in my face OMG I actually hit my fit skeet but OMG OMG my shoulders felt like someone had hit me with a hammer he he he that is why I am holding my shoulder... But I hit my first skeet on my first try woohoooo.

Can you see my skeet up in the right hand corner.... I got it but hubby didn't take the photo at the right time he he he he but I got it. They are bright orange like the guys jacket.

All in all I had the most fabulous day and learnt something else that I wouldn't have done a year ago. That is 7 things I have achieved this year. Roll on next year and some more challenges. Debbie and I want to do some Kayaking next Christmas so I am going to be building up for that next year.

Good night everyone

Love Chubbymum

Don't know what to write

I am still hesitant to write in here what I am feeling... and last night I wrote and re-wrote my post so much that I deleted it in the end.

I am feeling so much more positive about my weight loss in the last couple of weeks. It is like a free feeling!

I have been reading more about weight loss lately because I want to have as much inspiration as I can get. I also brought the book off trademe that KT was talking about Geneen Roth... she certainly makes you think.

I have been thinking about things she says in it like sometimes if you are craving something you should just have a little bit of the thing you are craving or nothing else will satisfy and you. Then you will end up eating more and in the last couple of weeks I have been trying to do just that and Monday night at 9pm I wanted a cheese toasty and hubby said you have had your dinner and you don't need anymore.

He was right but I wanted it and for the next day I wanted it and it got to Tuesday night and we talked about it and he made a cheese toasty and then we went halves and that satisfied my craving... and then that was it I have felt better for it since and I have not craved for anything since... maybe sometimes we just have to have a little bit (in moderation) and then we won't pig out.

I am trying to really notice things like that lately and so far I have liked what I am feeling and how I am coping with it. What a great book KT thanks.

I am going to a PT session with Crusher tonight with Debbie... we are having a double PT with Crusher to make up for the Lean.

Then Debbie and I are going out to Chartwell to do some shopping for our Secret Santa at work... and also have kebabs for dinner yummmyyyy. I can't wait I haven't had a girly thing like that in ages. I must admit I feel a little bit guilty as I don't exactly feel like I have been spending enough time with hubby lately either and last night at the kickboxing class I think he was a little upset that I paired up with Debbie and not him but she asked first... what was I supposed to say no sorry I have to go with hubby.. not that I didn't want to go with hubby just I hate being caught in the middle.

I think what I need to do is try and make our weekends for family and him so that I do give him as much time as I can and spend time during the week with Debbie and other friends. It is hard sometimes to juggle everyone and I hate upsetting everyone. But my family have to come first as I don't want to upset my family as they are important to me and I wouldn't give them up for anything in this world.

Anyway better go and sort out the boys as I have to take Quinn's friend home and get to the gym woohoo.

Love Chubbymum

Taking it all in

I have taken the last 5 days to think about all this.

I am not going to tell Sgt Major anything!! I have decided it is his problem and I do not have to get involved... If he is reading then it is his problem and if he doesn't like what I say then that is too bad too.

I have never said anything but the fact that I don't like his style of training for me and if he is getting anything other than that from someone else then he is an idiot for believing something he hasn't read himself.

I have still been blogging but for me only so that I don't forget what I have done in my days.

I am still quite angry about the whole situation because I have had to change my life as I don't want to deal with her anymore. I know that is my decision and that others would have stayed in the group even though she was there but I am finally losing weight... and it feels good and having her not in my life is a big huge change for the better! I don't want to change that. I don't want to go back to the competing with her as she likes that and does better for it but I do not!

I go for my weigh in tonight... not too sure about what will happen but I haven't been too bad.

I have 600 grams to get to my 5th stone OMG I hope I make it... but if not I will make it later!

I have a new workout week now. Instead of Lean twice a week I have the following workout:

Monday night: New Program from Crusher it is a killer but it is a program that both Debbie and I have to do together as it has kickboxing in a pair with punches etc.. quite liking it so far.

Wednesday: Kickboxing class with Crusher

Thursday: Personal Training with Crusher for both Debbie and I

Friday: Personal Training just me with Crusher.

Sunday: Our Program from Crusher

So I am pretty pleased with that weekly line up and in about six weeks Debbie and I can re-evaluate it and change it. To be quite honest I feel like I am doing more with exercise than I did with Lean... Lean was fantastic for meeting such wonderful people but I get more of a sweat up with the personal training and the ones with Debbie as I think I try harder.

Tomorrow night after doing our first double PT session with Crusher Debbie and I are going out for Kebab's and some Christmas shopping. We are doing the secret santa at work and Debbie and I are going out to buy something for our secret santa's... it is going to be soooo much fun.

I haven't done the girly thing like that for a while. Poor Debbie keeps asking me to go out but with work, kids and hubby life is sooo hectic and I find enough time for exercise but it takes it away from the family so juggling is sooo hard for me.

I finished all my Christmas shopping on Saturday and hubby brought me my anniversary present and so we put it up... it was a swing for outside... that fits 3 people on it. So nice. It goes really well with the colour of our house hmmmm and relaxing too.

OMG OMG OMG I am nervous about the weigh in tonight... wish me luck. I will come and update later on.

Love Chubbymum

::::::::::UPDATE::::::::::::

I lost tonight!!! 600 grams and it took me to my

5th STONE

Woohooo I got my

5th STONE OMG OMG OMG.

I have now lost 31.5 kilos... guys I am on a roll!

I am free and I am feeling like nothing can stop me.

I am now at 123.2 and I am on my way to getting under the 120's...

So my next hurdle is 119.

That is 3.3 kilos to go.

My 35 kilo lost will take me to 119.7... so here I come!!

Private - Comments and feeling down

I have lost motivation in the last 2 days.

I have eaten whatever I liked and felt like crap!! I have done the wrong thing and my weight loss is going to suffer on Tuesday and everytime I look at Debbie I can see the weight falling off her!! It bloody sucks is all I can say and it is making me feel even more down in the dumps.

I know it is my fault and not hers because I have to sort it out in my own head

Breakfast
Berry Smoothie

Morning Tea
Vege chips (3.5 points)

Lunch
1 roll
Left over casserole
Ginger Crunch (OMG I shouldn't have eaten this).

I have had two bottles of water though.. but that isn't a consolation.

I miss posting... but I am scared to post because things are getting back to Daniel and others and I am not sure who the culprit is and I am not happy about it.

I went to the gym yesterday and Hubby and I met Debbie there but I wasn't in to it and I hated it to tell the truth... I didn't want to anything.. I don't want to go tonight and feel the same way. I want to go and work my arse off and stop being negative. I know what Crusher means when I start getting negative it is a bad thing for me... it hinders me and I don't want it to.

At weight watchers I weigh 123.8 and I have to get under the 120's.. OMG what is stopping me I know I can do this and in the last couple of weeks I have proven it but I tend to do really well one week and then the next I think hmmm I am doing well lets cheat a little. But then when I am too strict I can't seem to lose the weight either.

I am making myself soooo upset over this bloody piece of ginger crunch and I want to talk to someone about it but then I don't want to tell anyone that I brought it and then sat in the car where no one could see me to eat it.. how desparate and strange is that?

I have so many comments saying that I should confront Daniel about all this but I don't want!! I shouldn't have to explain myself... I don't honestly care what he thinks. I have not said anything that would have hurt him I feel. I have said I didn't want him as a trainer and he wasn't right for me but that is it and if he is going to listen to Kris about this then he is a fool and that is the end of that subject.

Now on to this business... What am I to do? I am being lazy and not going fast on buying this franchise business because of being scared... OMG I can do this!! What is stopping me. It is a good business and money is coming in so why am I scared... maybe because my mum always makes me feel like I should never take risks so I don't and I have had that drummed in to my head since I was little so any challenge is making me more and more doubt myself. I did that with my jobs too... I always stuffed up and I always did as little as possible in my job and so that stuffed things up for me. I sucked in Advance investments... I couldn't get anything right. I was a bad employee in Payments and Fraser knew that and deep down I knew it too. I just wanted the money but didn't give a damn about the job.

Why do I do it I don't know! I don't want to be a stuff up... and I want to succeed but using my families money to do this business and then not doing it right that I loose the business then I am going to have my family know that I am a screw up.

Positive Positive is what people keep on saying to me... obviously I don't come across as a positive person so I have to work on that. How do I become more positive?

I am being more honest now that I am not writing to everyone out there and writing in here to myself... and to be quite honest I don't know if I want to go back to public writing because then I get all the trouble happening again.

What to do? What to do?

Chubbymum

Private - On top of the world

I feel good today.

I felt good when I got up this morning as I weighed 123.7 (on our scales when I woke up and recently in the last couple of weeks it didn't go below 125 so that is great).

I was really worried about going to the personal training with Joy this morning and at 8.30 Debbie phoned me to tell me about what was talked about. She said that Joy was happier this morning and that she had gotten over her anger by about 10 minutes. She also said that Joy had a huge talk with Kris and gave her a bollacking too. The thing is even if she does talk to Kris it wasn't going to change my mind as I am not going to go back to being friends with her and I am not going to go to Lean while she was there... It is just not going to happen.

So Debbie organised with Joy to do a PT with the both of us and we have worked out a day and time. It is going to be every Thursday at 6pm. I am sooo happy with that! I think it would be better for Debbie and I as I don't honestly think that we are working hard enough in Lean.

So when I got there Joy was all smiles and it felt quite strained... I didn't want to be told what to do again.. I back off when that happens and I don't want to end up hating Joy either.

She put me on the rower for 1000 metres and then I asked her if she could take me to get weighed. So last Friday I weighed 122.2 (on the gym scales) and this morning drum rolllllll..... 120.8 OMG that is 1.4 in a week and I am sooo happy with that. She didn't measure me though but that is ok we only need to do that once a month I reckon as it doesn't change that much.

I told Joy that I am happier because I am following everything that she said apart from the morning and afternoon teas as I want to eat when I am hungry and not feel like I am shoving food in my mouth all the time. So I think she seemed happy... the only thing was that really it had nothing to do with her and as long as I am happy then that should be it. I am finding it hard to make everyone happy and really I shouldn't be worried about what anyone thinks just need to concentrate on what I want and I think that is why in the last year I haven't lost because I have been doing it all for everyone else but me!!

So Joy did the following workout with me today:

10 minutes Bike
10 minutes Cross Trainer (1 min level 1, 1 min level 4)

15 Swiss ball squats
Up and down the stairs
30 second fast kickboxing punches
(all the above x 4)

15 Swiss ball sit ups not putting head down between
10 pushups
(the above x 4)

10 minutes Treadmill
(1 minute walking at level 5.5, 1 minute jogging level 7)

Then stretches

When I got off Jackie (one of the older ladies there) and a lady I didn't know said "OMG you like look like a real runner when you run. Your technique is amazing. I said "you are joking" and then Jackie said "I was thinking the same thing" it was fantastic to hear... I felt like I was blushing. It was a great thing.

I feel on such a high today with the compliment and with the fact that I lost 1.4 kgs on Joy's scales.

I went out and got my nails done and felt even more like a woman. I think since losing this weight I have been feeling more feminine... when I started gaining the weight after our wedding I was wearing anything baggy to make me feel better about myself and T-Shirts and anything that looked good on me even though I was feeling soooo bloated all the time and not feeling pretty so I didn't want photos taken or not even getting dressed up for things.

Tracking today

Breakfast
2 Toast
Chopped Egg
Coffee

Lunch
Chicken Salad with everything in it.
V

Afternoon Tea
2 Mallowpuffs

Dinner
Steak
Vege Stirfry
WW Hot Chips
1 Mallowpuff

Not working for me

I have re-read my blog and I have taken some posts out!

I am having doubts about writing in here now!

The reason being that Crusher said that Sgt Major has read or been told that I am writing not so nice stuff about him in my blog. I re-read all my posts that had him in it and all that I had said was that I know he is a nice guy but his style of training was not one that I liked and don't want him to train me... and apparently he is upset that I put nasty things on my blog and that other people are reading it.

OMG I was hurt about it because I know everyone that is reading my blog and if anyone from here is telling lies it makes me feel really uncomfortable writing in here at all anymore. I feel like this friendship breakup is spiralling and now it is making me feel uncomfortable.

I am feeling really unhappy about it.. Debbie seems to think that it is someone else (that isn't reading my blog causing problems) and now I don't want to have my blog anymore! My husband thinks that it is Kris causing the problems as Sgt Major is her trainer. I don't know what I think anymore and have been really upset about it all for days.

I want this blog to be able to get support and to write what I am feeling so I don't hold anything in as that is bad for me but if I am going to be scared to say how I am feeling then I don't want to write here anymore. I mean that is the reason I passworded it because I was feeling like that.

I don't think I am a nasty person! I don't think that I have intentionally said anything bad about Sgt Major! I know I have said some things about Kris but that is how I was feeling and that is what my blog was for!

Chubbymum

Private now - Thank you!

Thank you for all your comments in my last post.

I do understand where you are all coming from, but for me having that woman around does the opposite for me...

I know it would show I was the bigger person and go to class, but if you know half the things (which I haven't put in here) then you would understand why I couldn't.

I was told by three different people in three different situations that they were glad I am not friends with her anymore because of how she used to put me down in front of me and I didn't even seem to realise. I DO NOT want to put myself in the situation where I am feeling insignificant again where I don't see what she is doing.

I tried for the last year to help her out and was always the one there when she needed me when she would break down over her stupid car or her husband wasn't treating her right (and believe me he does more for her than other husbands do she is just not grateful) or this and that.

I was the one that looked after her kids for 6 hours while she was in hospital so her husband could go up there but she thanked chloe on her blog for all her help yet I fed the kids and looked after them and cancelled all my plans to help her out.

When she was going through problems where Sgt Major was being horrible to her in the fact that she was having all this junk food and also not telling the truth with her trackers and I was the one that said to her straight "if you cry wolf a thousand times then he isn't going to listen anymore he has to learn to trust you again" and since that she has been more positive and getting on with things and believe me it took me a lot to tell her something that she didn't want to hear but others had been saying but not to her face.... but that is what friends do and then I get branded as the controlling one when I tried to help her.... and it worked because she finally realised that I was right and things started getting better.

I ALWAYS listened to her and was there to support her but when I was going through difficult situations she NEVER listened and never helped out one bit.... I don't want to go back to feeling bad about myself and how I cannot lose the weight and she is better than me... my self esteem wouldn't take it again.

What I don't understand is that when we were friends Kris tried to get in to my team and Crusher wouldn't let her because it would hinder us both. Yet now Crusher is letting her in this team now and we aren't friends and I am really distressed about it. I suppose once again it makes me feel insignaficant and she will be all nice and wonderful and show me up again and there goes my self esteem again. I don't want to put myself in that situation.

I know it sounds like a school kid thing but she effects me like you wouldn't believe. In the last two months I have lost and I am finally getting my life together and had a chat to Crusher last night about doing things in the class that would make Debbie and I feel a little bit more like a team instead of them and us..... I couldn't be myself in the class with her around... I couldn't say what I was doing in the weekend etc because of her knowing about my life again. We get partnered in class which means I will get her once in a while and just to look at her right now grrrrr you just don't know what I would want to do.

Crusher says see the positive.. I can't see the positive in seeing her permanently twice a week for the rest of my time in the gym. It doesn't motivate me it makes me feel like giving up.

I suppose next year I won't be doing any more challenges because of not being in the group but it is better than letting her back in my life.

I don't have a big enough journal to tell you the things I have been through with this woman!!! There is not enough room! My husband and mother are glad that she isn't in our lives anymore because of the constant phone calls we used to get and quite frankly I am too because I am concentrated on my life and not helping her with hers.

I don't want to be negative!! I don't want to be upset but I AM glad that I can vent in my journal finally! For the last couple of weeks I have been avoiding talking about her here because things have been going great with the weight loss and I wanted to totally forget her.

Debbie seems to think that she has only decided to come in to the team since the weekend because she saw how our team got on on Friday night and how Debbie and I enjoyed our night!!! and I agree!!!

I was talking to hubby on the phone and he said really getting back in to the situation where I see the woman twice a week is just not good and I agree. I suppose there are other things I can do and keep away from the gym totally and try other things.... I am totally considering it! I know it seems extreme but the woman just hinders all the hard work I do!!

Anyway...

I had a good day at work today and the day went really fast. I reckon having days like that is fantastic because when they go fast it doesn't drag... yeah CM that is logical... just sometimes in my job it drags and drags because I am in an office by myself and I am the sort of a person that loves having people around me.

This picture below is of Corbin as they had Dress up at school in Victorian clothes to go to a Victorian Museum at Mystery Creek where they all dress up and do things as if it is back in the Victorian era... sooo cool I was sooo proud of him he looked so cute.

Thanks for listening and thank you for your comments I do appreciate it and I have been holding in a lot lately and really shouldn't or it affects everything else.

I was sooo angry with it this morning and stopped at the bakery and was going to buy something to eat!! but decided that I was doing the emotional eating again and just got a drink instead so felt really good about my choice. I am going to get to the teens and if it means I have to do another way then that is what I have to do because to be quite honest I am not strong enough to see her and still concentrate on me.

Good night everyone!!

Love ya all
Chubbymum

So much fun but paying for it now

We had sooo sooo sooo much fun last night.

I drank too much but had a great time.

I don't think Debbie and I sat down for an entire song for the whole night. Hubby didn't dance the whole night but most of it he he... I don't think he could keep up with Debbie and I.

I couldn't stop smiling the whole night and it was the most fun I had had on a Xmas function in years. We danced so much that my hair was soaking wet the whole night he he he and so a couple of times I had to go and wipe my hair in the ladies he he he and reapply my lipstick. It helped that I had about 3 bourbon and cokes but not enough to make me drunk just enough to make me enjoy myself.

I was proud of myself. I had main meal and dessert but I only ate like quarter of my dessert as I looked at it as realised that I didn't want it or need it and I gave it to the waiter. Now when I first started I would have eaten it because I wouldn't want to waste food... but it didn't bother me that night.

I can't tell you enough that I had a great night. I have sore knees today because of all the dancing... my right knee is swollen and I have been sitting here with an icepak on it but I wouldn't have changed a thing. I also have sore cheeks as we just laughed and smiled all night. There was soooo many people at the Xmas function and met some new people from the gym too and laughed sooo much. We even had a good time with one of the head waiters and giving him hell and he did in return... how great was that.

Our Lean team got together at the gym before the function to support our other trainer Sgt Major as he was working till 7pm and the function started at 6.30. It was good to get there as a team and not go individually and we had a wine there before the start too he he.

We were talking last night and Crusher (even though maybe she had a little too much to drink he he he and won't remember saying it) she turned to me and said "you are just wonderful and you are going to get this weight off I have faith in you" wow that started the night off for me... it was unexpected and I know that I have to believe in myself for it to happen but to have her say that was a great booster too.

We got home about 12.30am and that was a good time for us, even though we wanted to keep going the party had to finish at 12 and we did manage to keep it going a little more he he. It was great to have a great baby sitter like my mum as we could just take our time and enjoy the night and know that my mum was fine with the boys.

The skirt I was wearing last night I brought a week and a half ago and it was in a 22 and I had to pin it with two pins last night because it was falling down my hips.. OMG that was wonderful because I brought it fitting snugly and my mother was witness as she was in the dressing cubicle with me when I tried it on and said that I should get the next size up OMG and then I had to pin it he he he.

I am not going to say this is going to last forever but I think I have found a groove that I want to be in for a while.... I am concentrating on the food more than the exercise. I was concentrating on the exercise so much that I was deep down in the subcontious thinking it would solve the problem. I also think it is because I have finally decided to concentrate on me and get rid of things in my life that weren't helping and concentrate it totally on having fun and enjoying what is right for me.

Pinkkz Karen made me realise that I have to watch how skinny people eat and enjoy the food and not just eat all good all the time because sometimes the body just wants to have something different and some treats. I have been tooooo strict with my food and not mixing it up... and in the last two weeks I have been really thinking about the food but not complusively so it is going to be interesting to see the scales on Tuesday as I didn't weigh in last week as I had an ear infection and hubby didn't wake me up to go to WW meeting grrr.

Rotten weather today but hubby and I went out and did a small grocery shop and got some dvd as the weather was soooo bad that we wanted to just veg with the kids. With life being so hectic in the last couple of months the veg day today was great.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

My Weight Watcher Leaders

I have the most amazing Weight Watcher leaders!!!

They both came around last night to talk to Debbie and I and it sort of mainly revolved around me so for that Debbie I am sorry.

I try so hard with the food that I didn't know what to do and these wonderful ladies came around and we chatted from 7.30 to 11pm OMG 11 o'clock and I sort of didn't want to end as they really made me think. What WW leaders would do that for anyone? They are the most amazing ladies. I envy their friendship (in a nice way of course) and what they have a achieved and what they will achieve in the future.

There was sooo many things that came out of this meeting that I thought about the whole night and even when I got up for Lean this morning I was thinking about it.

I am too strict on myself. I have plans on what I should eat and can't grasp the idea that I can have treats. Even restaurants we choose are good ones or I feel like I will go off the rails but it isn't working for me. The strictness is not working so I have a challenge of going and having butter chicken for dinner this week (not to go overboard) but I don't eat things that I enjoy anymore. I have had my life consumed by sticking to the plan and maybe it isn't working.

I went to Wellington in September/October and I wasn't fussy with my food and ate what I wanted and had treats and I still lost... maybe the reason being that my body needs it and until last night I didn't realise that..

The other thing that is becoming prominant to me while they were talking last night is that I am trying to please everyone else but myself. I do a lot of things that really I don't want to do but I am doing it (and realised this morning while talking to Debbie) that I do it because I want the recognition and for Crusher to say "OMG you are fantastic" when I don't need to have that recognition and really I don't want to be running because I am finding that my knees are just getting worse and worse and everytime I say to her they are hurting I can feel that she is thinking I am using it as an excuse.

Just like this morning it was pouring down with rain at Lean and I was thinking OMG thank God that we won't be going outside for another one of our walks again and what happened is that we went outside under the eaves and did leg kicks and stair climbing and squats and walking all with our legs and I was F&*(n sore again afterwards. I was soooo angry. I was angry as my knee isnt getting better and I was angry because my group isn't the same anymore.

I used to feel safe in this group... safe that these were friends and we laughed and had fun and did exercise at the same time. But now we don't have that anymore... we have a lot of new people and we have Sgt Major in there and it isn't the same anymore and I am holding on to this group because of the past that isn't there anymore.

I hated it this morning and finally realised it this morning. I hate paying money to go out and walk and be behind everyone else and feel like I am doing the same old same. OMG I can save my money and go for a walk by myself and do what we have been doing in the last 8 weeks and not get abused (by Sgt Major) for it.

I hate the mentality that men have... where they think "Oh I am your trainer and you must abide by me like you are my slave"... it doesn't fit well with me. I used to get bossed around by teachers at school and not encouraged and so going and doing that and paying money for it just isn't right. Why didn't I see that till this morning? Maybe I didn't see it till I was talking to the WW ladies last night to realise that I wanted it to still be the same as it was when we first started Lean and realistically it can't be the same.

I think the hardest part was that I can do this without going to Lean and why didn't I think about this before..? Why didn't I realise that I can lose this weight and I don't have to stay with the same thing. I lost my first 20 kilos WAYYY before Lean and ok I am fitter but I am not where near where I want to be in my weight loss.

I lost the majority of my weight before I went to Lean through twice a week kicking boxing and totally focussed on Weight Watchers. So maybe I need to get back to the basics.

Debbie said this morning that she would do anything as long as we were doing it together and that if not going to Lean was the thing then she would do it.

I broke down and cried and said that I didn't know if leaving Lean was good because if I left it and then something happened where she pushed me aside like Kris did I don't think I could pick myself up again.

I HATE losing friends (even though now I realise Kris wasn't my friend and I am glad that I ended it and that I didn't return her calls).

I have been holding back on the frienship with Debbie because of not wanting to get hurt again... not wanting to have to pick up the pieces or change my ways of doing things to avoid her like I am doing with Kris as even going to take the boys to school now is difficult because Kris is there... I couldn't also do that with work it would be just too hard.

Pooring your heart out to friends is the hardest thing because if the friendship breaks up then those friends know what gets to you etc... even though I must admit Kris didn't know half the things I felt because I never got the chance to confide in her because we were always solving her problems.

Kris hurting me twice has made me scared to make new friendship for the fear of being hurt... it is like being FAT all over again where I avoid it because it is better than the hurt.

I have my last event with Lean this weekend and that is our triathlon:

• 12km walk
• 12km bike ride
• 4000 mtr Rower
• 50 push ups
• 50 sit ups

Then that will be it!

I want to be in the teens....

I have 4.6 to get to the teens so that is all I am focussing on right now getting rid of those 4.6 kilos.

So since daylight savings is here this is my week from Monday:

Monday: Rest day after the Triathlon
Tuesday: Gym with Debbie and no Lean
Wednesday: Might meet Debbie at her place and go for a long walk
Thursday: Get up early and go for a walk with Debbie
Friday: Personal Training with Crusher
Saturday: Recover from Gym Christmas Dinner I think

I am going to have 1 treat this week on Saturday night (which is our 11 year wedding anniversary) and that is to have Butter Chicken.

I am going to have a REAL sandwich this week and not just wraps and I am going to enjoy every minute of it.

Karen and Kylie thank you for last night!!! You don't know what a relief working all this out is doing for me... it feels like I am living again and I am doing this for me again and not for all the other people (that mean well).

Deb's thanks for listening to me while I was upset this morning.. you are true friend.

Also thank you to all of you out there commenting and reading because without it I don't think I would have made it this far and I would have kept it all in.

P.S Rachel I missed you while you were on holiday girl! ;-)
Karen woohooo on your beautiful baby daughter... you will rock at being a mum hun.

Love Chubbymum

Round the Bridges

Got up at some ungodly time this morning so we could be in town for the Round the Bridges and found out that we didn't start walking at 9am we started at 10 OMG... OMG there was sooooo many people.

Debbie and I were wearing out orange T-Shirts that we made and I tell you we chose such a great colour because every other person was wearing white or red or blue or yellow... we were probably the only people wearing orange... and you could see us a mile away.

I met sooo many people from my old work (the University) there. My old boss and work mates and others it was amazing. One of my work friends came up to me and said "OMG Mandy is that you?" I said yes and she gave me a huge huge hug and said OMG OMG OMG look at you you have lost so much and so did her other half. I said yeah I have lost almost 31 kilos and she said you look amazing girl. I must admit I felt amazing this morning. So that put me on a high before the race that is for sure.

So the race started and Debbie said "we have to beat the lady on the crutches" OMG that lady was hoofing it around and made me think OMG if she could do it anyone could.

When we practiced the walk in the last couple of weeks it took us 1 hour and 35 minutes for the 6.3 km... and we thought that was a fantastic effort..

As you can tell... hubby is next to me in the orange and there is Debbie right next to me.

Today we were on fire.. we were passing people and jogging to pass them and jogging down hills and I must admit I wasn't drinking enough because I felt quite light headed half way but it was great.

Hubby went with us and was great he stayed just behind us and he took my water bottle in a bum bag for me and the support was great... I was sooo happy that Debbie did this with me we moved our little backsides and she is such a great support for me. My shins and blisters under my toes were killing me.... but I had to keep going because Debbie and I were going to get through this... the major hill at the end was the killer for me and I started to feel quite yukky but we decided that the three of us would run at the end.

There were so many people at the end and Crusher was at the end waiting and screaming and taking photos and I felt like I had done a marathon and we ran and Debbie and I raced and raced to the end... what an achievement.
Woohoooo we are running!!!! with all the tummy going everywhere he he he I am on the left and Debbie is on the right.

My mother in law and brother in law (with his new girlfriend, that I met for the first time at the walk today grrrr) were at the end with the kids cheering for us too. I was on top of the world... there were people we didn't know cheering for us and my friends from the Uni that ran the course at the end cheering us on too... I swear there was about 200 people at the end waiting for their loved ones.

Well needless to say we didn't win the race he he he but we did it in 1 hour and 8 minutes!!!!! We shaved 25 minutes off our time!!! We are troopers wohooooooo.

I am sore and tired and the others are playing playstation but all I want to do is go up and have a bath... but will do that when Debbie goes to her friends for dinner.

Love Chubbymum

Thoughtful Friday

Took boys to school and then went to the gym... admittingly I didn't want to go this morning... I had done my neck in in Auckland and looking to the right was painful. I must have an ear infection too... I know I sound like a hypochondriac but I'm not really.. just looking one way in the meeting in Auckland I think really did it for my neck.

Weighed in with Crusher and I stayed the same.. I know that Crusher wasn't too happy because her husband and neice are doing it and are losing.... I talked to hubby about that and really their metabolism is different. I tried really hard to stick to it last week. I am sure that Crusher doesn't believe me. I hated having wraps every single day and muesli for breakfast every day but I did stick to it and I didn't have any bad foods.

I said to Crusher that I was bored and to be quite honest that if I had to stick to having wraps for 6 weeks I would go insane. She didn't seem to happy and said to me "If I stuck to it... it would work" and maybe it would but the reason I have never stuck to a diet before Weight Watchers is because it was always soooo restrictive and I rebel against it. But with the points system I managed to lose 20 or so kilos without it feeling like I was going to explode.

We managed to have a chat about it all and decided that I would take the last three food plans she has given me and mix it up to make up the food I can eat for the challenge and to be quite honest that was fine with me... it isn't the same food every day so I won't get bored but I know that it will work. I am still having wraps but not every day. I quite like the wraps but not every day I like a little bit of difference in what I eat or I just go the wrong way.

Crusher worked me sooo hard this morning. I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes and three of those minutes I ran.. but she wanted me to not hold on and for some reason today I just couldn't I felt like I was going sideways... and so the running felt like that as well. I am not too sure if it was my neck giving me a problem or if my ear infection hasn't fully gotten better.

I was pushed to the limit on the treadmill that was for sure and it was good... I was sweating like a pig. Then I got on the water bike and did 10 minutes on the water bike and then 5 minutes on the water bike with arms... it was great and Crusher was a trooper!!! Thanks Crusher.

She did have a word with me about being positive with the weight loss and I will lose the weight. I do understand that but last week I was really positive and I tried soooo hard to stick to the meal plan from crusher and I did so much walking and gym that I thought I would have lost something and not just stay the same.. but as I pointed out to Crusher I haven't gained in 5 weigh ins and that is a positive thing. Crusher did mention that if I stuck to the plan for 6 weeks I would loose my 10 kilos before the end of the year. Maybe I would but I don't think I would be any happier by the end of it even if I did lose the 10 kilos... and there if I read it back is another point for Crusher because I wasn't being positive when saying it.

Debbie and I went for a walk/jog tonight... it was great and we were laughing the whole way around. It wasn't dark outside and if you know me you know running where people can see me is just NOT what I would do. But we did on the main main road and had people looking at us but I didn't seem to care. I was wearing jeans that were not very good as they kept falling down he he he so I kept holding them while I was running.

We had one truck driver go past and put up his thumb to say woohooo you two well done for running... and that made me feel really good. We did one street which is about a kilometre and then the rest we walked as my knee was hurting and her ankle was giving her trouble OMG talk about injury's he he he but we were still out there no matter what.

We got back and worked on what we were going to put on our T Shirts for tomorrow's Round the Bridges (6.3 km's). So we had bright orange T Shirts and on the front we put our name and on the back a picture of both of us smiling at each other and.....

The saying underneath was:
Two Chicky Babes
Turning the frown upside down
Pound the ground
Around the town bridges

Then on our backside we have:
"We really don't think we need buns of steel.
We'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."

It was fun doing it so tomorrow at least we won't loose each other with all the people going to be going on the walk/run.

Anyway what a late night that was and went to bed straight away... I have to start going to bed on time as it is not helping me what soever.

Byeeee
Chubbymum

Auckland Meeting with Work

Firstly Woohoooo KAREN congrads on the beautiful wee daughter born today!!! How wonderful!! You will both make such wonderful parents.

Went to Lean this morning and in a way was feeling rushed as I had to leave by 7.15 to get up to Auckland for my meeting with my boss (which by the way I have never met in person) and I have been with this new company 1 year (when they took over our creche).

It was a good workout at Lean today but I seriously think I need a break... I felt like I held people back today. Because the running is not good on my knees in the morning (maybe it is the cold) that when the others were told to run around the shops I walked and so my partner (whoever it was when I got back) missed out because I was late getting back and the others were doing other things. OMG do I hate that it reminds me of being back at school again and I avoided sports and the gym sessions with a note as a kids because I hated hindering other people.... I am feeling it more and more and more and it is getting me down.

I am soooo much better than I used to be last year with my exercise and I know this but I don't like feeling like I am letting people down and I know people will say you aren't letting them down but to me I am letting them down... they are supposed to be doing things to their best ability but with me holding them back is reminding me of school.

In a way realising this is such a big step for me as it is making me realise that the reason I didn't do exercise stemmed from my school days when I was told to do the exercise that I didn't like.... and forced to do it and I think that is why I hated exercise so much.

I had to be up in Auckland by 9am and I ended up leaving at 7.15 which really wasn't enough time with the horrible traffic jams that I came across. I don't know why I wasn't suprised I worked in Auckland for 5 years what was the suprise. I got in to Auckland at 9.15 grrr so I ended up being late. I think I should have not gone to Lean this morning but I am glad I did the exercise anyway.

But they didn't seem to mind. New Market hasn't changed since I worked there that is for sure... still expensive and stuffy he he he but hey that is New Market. The offices there weren't as big as I thought and I thought there would be a couple of office etc but the floor was quite tiny.. it was great to meet some of the people that I had spoken to over the phone over the year.

I was proud of myself at morning tea... my boss brought morning tea and was unpacking them from the food town bag and I was looking at it thinking OMMMMMGGGGG what the hell am I going to do? This is the food:

Mellowpuffs
Lolli bags
Chips
Biscuits
Hummus
Rice crackers

So you can guess I was happy about the rice crackers and hummus but they stuck them at the other end of the table... my boss said "have something" I said in a quiet voice "thank you for this it is great but I have lost 30 kilos and really I can't have this" I could see their looks as if to say OMG you are a big girl and you lost 30 kilos how bloody big were ya he he he in a nice way of course.

I enjoyed meeting all the girls especially one lady and we went out a couple of times downstairs so she could have a smoke to get away from another lady there that I wanted to rip her tongue out by morning tea.. she was the rudest lady I have ever met and wouldn't let anyone say a full sentence without butting in... both me and this other lady were getting quite annoyed.

I learnt so much about my job today... I have been there a year with this one company and hadn't been shown how to use the system I have been tutuing with it and that is how I learnt. It was great. Well our big CEO has said that he wants us to meet once a month OMG that is fine but it is on my day's off so I have to have my days off stuffed up and I don't know if I was happy about that.

But they are thinking about having it in a different region each time... like Christchurch, Wellington, Rotorua, Auckland and of course Waikato so I suppose that isn't too bad and they pay for the travel and the working day.... but still it is my day off hmmmmm decisions.... now don't get me wrong it is great but I have to have someone to take and pick up the kids as I can't do it and hubby did it today but if it was a regular thing I am not sure how his boss will react to it being every month.

I chose sushi for lunch woohooo for me. I also had my weetbix before going to the gym this morning at 5.30am instead of getting a ham bun from the bakery on the way to auckland so that is another thing to chalk up he he he

Hubby made Beef Strognoff (weight watcher recipe) tonight with dinner with veges too and so I think I have been fab!!! with my food. I will lose this week! I don't want my record of no gaining in 5 weeks to stop... I have 4 losses and 1 stay the same and this week coming has to be a loss... it has to.

I thought that everyday I would put a question down and try to answer it. I copied these questions from somewhere a while ago and can't remember where so here goes:

List 10 reasons why you want to lose weight. Which one is the most compelling and why?

1. To be described as "The skinny one" not "The fat one"
2. To weigh less than my husband!!!
3. To go into any shop and buy clothes
4. To live my life to the fullest
5. Stop hiding behind my size and to do things for me and not for others
6. To be able to eat in public and not worry what others think
7. To be normal
8. Have the energy to do anything and stop making excuses
9. To take my vows again but this time not in a fat dress but an amazing one.
10. To go and play a game with the kids and feel like I should be there.

I think the one out of the ten that makes me want to keep with it a toss up between number 1 and number 4 but really number 4 comes up the best. I want to live life to the fullest... I want to be happy and content and not to focuss on the weight but focuss on my life and doing what I want to do with my family and not be afraid of what others are thinking about my weight.

Hmmm might leave it at that.

Chubbymum

Weigh In last night

I felt so great at work today... I couldn't stop smiling and I am feeling so much healthier with my food and with my exercise and I have really really tried in the last couple of weeks after getting back from Wellington.

Went to weigh in tonight and I stayed the same and it really bothered me because I HAD made good choices and I HAD been really good with the exercise and I suppose I can't complain because in the last 5 weigh in's I have not gained not one bit.... I have lost and once stayed the same but not gained.

I even drank all my water and more every single day... I MEAN EVERY SINGLE DAY because I wanted so bad to loose this week. I had 900grams to get to my 5th stone.

I got a little upset at the meeting in front of my WW leader but at that point I was wondering what was the point... I mean I am doing this to lose this bloody weight and when I try really hard and stick to my points and my sugar points and my exercise and I stay the same it just hurts that I concentrated on it sooo hard and nothing!!!

I felt like a little baby but I have paid sooo much money going to Weight Watchers and the gym and I would like to see results... It is my spending money I spend on this and I don't get to buy or do much else because of it and for it to not work feels like I am wasting my money and I could do the same thing without spending the money.. I know that with my health that money isn't everything but I am not happy about spending money for nothing as I work damn hard for it.

I have to start doing this for me and eating what I want... I have been on this challenge with Crusher and it was my first week and I know she is going to tell me to stick to it but to be honest I am hating it!! I have the same breakfast and lunch most days and it is driving me insane.

I am going to go back to the plan she gave me before I went away to Wellington as the two weeks preceeding that plan I lost 1.1 and 1.2 kilos... so it was good for me and I didn't feel like it was restrictive.

Hubby was saying that when I know for sure I can't have something and when it is the same old same for days on end that I end up going the wrong way because I am hating thinking about food.

It shouldn't be this hard... how do others do it?

I was soooo angry that after dinner hubby and I went for a walk and it is a 3.3 km walk and every second light I ran... I am paying for it today as my knee has flared up again.

Went to LEAN this morning and once again felt like it was all out of my depth where everyone was improving and I was stuck at the back. I am going to be going until the triathlon and then I think I am going to give it up.... I hate this feeling and I am hating being outside all the time. I quite enjoyed our old lean with our old team and doing things inside and outside and now it isn't as much fun, I miss the laughing and the friendship.

I miss the challenges on the treadmill and the rower and the bikes and doing weights as well... it was more interesting but now it feels like walking and running all the time and I can't run or I pay for it the next day and to be realistic the reason my knee isn't getting any better is because everytime it starts feeling good I over do it again and it can't quite fully get better...

What do I do? I need some input on what people think?

Breakfast
Weetbix
Pineapple (Fresh)

Snack
Yoghurt
Pineapple

Lunch
Roll
Ham
Coleslaw

Addicted to blogs

OMG in the past week I feel like I am addicted to reading everyone's blogs because I need need need lots and lots of motivation to keep me going. I want to keep this feeling! I want to keep feeling so great.

Went to the gym with Debbie again this morning and we worked out little butts off.

Did 10 minutes on the bike and then did 2000 metres on the rower and it took me 10 minutes and 16 seconds... OMG I shaved off almost a minute from what I was doing last week.... what a high.

We went on the treadmill next and Debbie and I did 1 minute off and 1 minute on of jogging and walking... and yes Helena I did wish that it would hurry up at the end of the minute he he he... I am enjoying the fact that I can do it and that I am sweating like a pig as my t-shirt was wet when I got off. I had a little niggle in my knee so I have to watch it and make sure that I watch how I am running on the treadmill but I was doing it and the best thing was an old work mate of mine was on the treadmill next to me and she is like half my size and she was walking on the treadmill. I felt on a high high high.

We went down to the woman's gym after this and went into the sauna and sat there for about 10 minutes and then went and did the circuit on the woman's gym equipment.

This jogging thing is just amazing.... I would not have thought I could do that!!! I would not have thought it would happen until I was under the 100 kilo mark that is for sure.

I am sooo psyched about this weeks weigh in as I have been working my butt off this week. 24.2 kilos to get under 100 kilos and it is going to happen!! it is!!!

I have actually had all my water for each day this week too (THANKS to my WW leaders) I have tried so hard to make sure that those 3 litres have gone down my gob he he he. It is the hardest thing ever ever ever for me!! I just hate water but I want this weight to fall off me like it did when I started when I have lots of motivation and great people around me helping me loose this weight. Mojo was fantastic then!!! I want the Mojo from then back.

I have been tracking like a trooper too and I have been trying to stick to Crusher's food challenge... some days it has been a little hard because it is sooo repetitive and for six weeks hmmm not sure how it is going to be but you try having wraps every single day for lunch... what is inside them can be different but wraps for lunch everyday is B.O.R.I.N.G ARRGHHHH going crazy... especially trying to make them taste different so I don't get upset and eat the wrong thing.

I must admit the two weeks that I lost the 1.1 and the 1.2 were the weeks that I was doing Crushers other meal plan for me and it was fantastic. But they were interesting and I had two or three choices for the lunches so I didn't go stir crazy. I will do it till the end of this week but after that if I am feeling like I am going to stray I am going to talk to her to give me another option for lunch!

Today's wrap was lamb strips, carrots, lettuce, jalepeno hummus (little smear), mushrooms, falafel (homemade and little). It was devine!! it was different and a little bit of points there but it was at least better than chicken in it all the time or just plain salad.

After the gym we went in to town to look at vacuum cleaners for mum for christmas as she has hinted sooo much about them but didn't find one that we liked or one that we thought she might like so we will keep looking. But we went to K-Mart to look at the toy section with the boys to get their christmas presents sort of sorted... anyway we were in there and the boys went nuts over these skate boards... so while I was entertaining them hubby told them that he was going to the loo and then went and brought them and put them in the back of the car for them he he he so at least the big presents are now done for them and we just need to get little things for them. We did get a couple of things in Wellington while we were there.

Only the brother in law, father in law and step mother in law to go not bad really... We still have my mum but we know what she wants just have to find the right one... so that is pretty much sorted.

Hubby and I don't usually get presents for each other... I said the only thing I want is to go camping.. To be quite honest I would love it if he organised a camping trip with another family and friends to go with us... but I know my hubby and I am sure some of you know him by now too he just doesn't think out of the square and would NEVER do that unless I organised it and then what is the point he he he. So that is the only thing I want for Xmas..

The rest of the day was basically cleaning around the house... ho hum.... but it is something that all of us have to do.

I did play knuckle bones with the kids and trying to teach them how to play the game.. OMG it brought back so many memories playing the game with them... Corbin got upset because he couldn't catch them on the back of his hand and I had to keep telling him that he will get it... but it will take practice hmmm the patience of... nothing he he.

Anyway guys.. sooo tired and going to organise dinner.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

Saturday practice for round the bridges

OMG

Got up had my god awful muesli (he he he just because after five days of the same food I am hating muesli now) and then took the boys into the library to choose some books. I love the library with the kids now as they can sit still and read and be good little angels where as about a year ago I could have strangled Quinn he he he he. I was sooo proud of them today just sitting there with their books and reading (well Quinny was looking at pictures but that is a form of reading) and Corbin is reading like 9 year old books (he is only 7)... they were little darlings.

I feel so peaceful in a library like there can be hardly any noise and people have to be quieter than they normally would be. It is so nice and it is like being in a candy store and you have to choose only a couple of things and don't hog at them all he he he.

Debbie texts me to say she had cut her hair and coloured it. I said to her take a picture and send it to me as she was soooooo excited about what it looked like. But she tried and she couldn't he he he so we met at my place and got to see the hair cut and colour and it looked fantastic.

What a change it was!! especially when I usually only see it up and since she cut it so it was just above her shoulders and the colour was a like a light light red with blond highlights it really suited her. We both commented how it was quite similar to mine... and I said "now we can say we are sisters and others won't know he he he he" as we are like only 2 kilos different from each other.

I would like to have my hair the same length as hers.... I used to have blond hair to the middle of my back when I first met hubby and married him and the day after we got married I chopped it off for a change he he he.. I would like to have it a little longer but hey that will be a while yet. I want to have more of a neck and shoulders to show it off with he he he he

Anyway so we took my hubby's car and went in to town where the race will start next weekend and we didn't stop chatting the whole way and it was both of us talking... we were like half way around the walk and I said to her Wow we have gone such a long way and I wouldn't have guessed it... it was amazing and I really enjoyed her company and we walked a similar speed (even though I was quite sore from the run on the treadmill yesterday he he GEE thanks Crusher).

It took us about an hour and a half to get around the walk and I don't think that is too bad for 6.3 km walk. The lake when I walk around here in Hamilton (3.8 kilometres by the council) takes around 50 minutes so we did the 6.3 in quite good time. I was really pleased....

I got to know Debbie so much more too and we talked about things like our Dad's dying etc and it got quite emotional but I think it was good that we finally could talk to someone else that understood.

We came back home and hubby made us chicken wraps with jalapeno hummus, lettuce, carrot, pickles, it was soo yummy.

After that we played PlayStation the star wars Lego one it was sooo cool... I felt like a kid again and Corbin was teaching Debbie how to use the controls and she was loving the killing of the robots he he he she was sooo funny.

We then sang sing star and we are like 20 points difference from each other... it was like we were sisters.. we like quite a lot of things the same. The other night when she came back for dinner we found out that we both love love love love love love (do you get the feeling that we love) pepper and garlic on things and lots of it... soooo funny. I have never met a person that likes it that much (especially pepper).

Unfortunately she had to rush off because she has a BBQ tonight (and when she was looking at the clock she thought it said 4.55 and said she had about fifteen minutes then she had to go home and get a shower and I said to her "Hun it is 5.55" OMG I have never seen someone jump so fast it was like watching the road runner he he he... she is too funny. The BBQ she was going to was her sister's wedding BBQ get together to sort things out for the wedding and she was late late late.

My thighs are in sooo much pain from the running yesterday but Debbie and I think we will go into the gym tomorrow morning and do it together.. she said she was a little nervous but hey we will be running (well jogging). I think I will start off with 10 minutes (1 minute jogging and 1 minute walking) and then take it in a week to 2 minutes of each and then change again or I will get bored I just know it.

Roll on for the weigh in on Tuesday. I have stuck to my food... I have been doing more exercise and stepping it up and it should show something if not I WILL SCREAM!!!!

Anyway I am exhausted.

Love ya all
Chubbymum

I ran today on the treadmill!!! OMG OMG

Went to my personal training with Crusher today....

I went on the bike for 10 minutes waiting for Crusher and she was five minutes late so I went to the front counter wondering where she was and she said "how did you get past me?" OMG I said I have been here for 10 minutes he he he.

We then went down to the treadmill and I was talking to one of the ladies on the treadmill beside me called Jackie and I said to her "well done for the running" as I know she had a knee problem and she never usually runs she usually stays on the spin bikes. She said that she has lost so much since she has been running on the treadmill. I said "OMG I couldn't do it is scares me" and then that is when Crusher said come on and she made me run on the treadmill... I was frightened to start it is a scary scary thing for me... BUT I DID IT!!! OMG I just can't get over it.

I feel sooo sore this afternoon after that. I was on the treadmill for 12 minutes and for 6 of those minutes I was running wohoooooo.

We went on the rower for 2000 metres too and then on the bike for 12 minutes. I doesn't sound like I did a lot but OMG OMG I feel pumped... I haven't felt like this in ages.

Roll on 9.6 kilos... woohoooo

I am going to do this! With Crusher's help and her 6 week challenge I know I will be doing this. I must admit it hasn't been a full week yet but I am a little sick of the lunches but I am going to stick with this.

Debbie and I have two walks planned in the weekend.. I it is going to be so much fun. I am doing this guys!! I am pumped... and I know I keep telling you that but it is amazing to have this feeling but I feel like I have just started again and feeling like the world is my oyster.

I might update later with the rest of my day.

I hope you are all ok... ??

Love Chubbymum

Gets better and better

My week just keeps getting better...

Went to my weigh in tonight and I lost 400 grams..

OK it isn't wonderful but it is a loss and I would rather that than the plateau I have been experiencing.

I have not gained in 4 weeks so I am sooo happy about that. I am also more positive about getting the next 10 kilos off than I have in such a long time... I have surrounded myself with positive friends and in particular I think Debbie is doing a lot to keep me motivated and she listens and there is so much we have in common it is great. Among others as well... like Crusher and my Wonderful Weight Watcher ladies and of course all you guys that are commenting and keeping me going.

BTW welcome Steph and thanks for commenting you honestly don't realise how much it keeps me going and I know that commenting after reading for a while and not commenting it is a huge thing... woohooo you did it my friend.

Debbie and I have a goal to loose 10 kilos by end of February together. So that is around 500 grams a week. Which will take me to 114 OMG the teens will be fantastic and then after the 10 kilos I will have only 4 kilos to match my hubby's weight woohoooo.

Debbie wants to lose more than that and I hope for her that she does manage it.

OMG I could be under 100 by April if I lose 1 kilo a week but I know realistically I can't loose 1 kilo a week for that long... ho hum so October next year is my goal to be 99 kilos or less.

It feels achievable today that I can lose 10 kilos by February... my focus is now back on me and not other peoples problems and I think it is fantastic.

I was chatting to one of my WW leaders and we had a good chat about people that are just not right in our lives and she managed to get rid of a person that was holding her back. Debbie was there and said the same thing about a person in her life that she is now realising wasn't a friend at all and was glad that they have parted ways quite a while ago. I said to her that I just hate losing friends but she managed to say that she wasn't a friend... and (she said to me don't take this the wrong way) that some people like bigger people around to make them feel even better about themselves. I said to her "do you think she really did that to me" she said that she really felt like that at the time of meeting her. If I look back on the 3 times that she brushed me off for a better option that she wasn't my friend and the world revolved around her.

It makes me wonder... am I that much of an ugly person that people want to keep me around to make them look good. Am I that big that people only want that part of the friendship? OMG what a lot of growing this week... realising things and people in my life seeing things but didn't say what they thought when she was still my friend.

I know I keep going on about this but it is just one of the things that I have to work through to be able to get this weight loss off and to shake off the acidic influences in my life.

My skin is clearing up and I am sleeping better and not fearing if the phone will ring once again for the 6th time in a day and having to answer because she knew what my schedule was and helping her out with her car problems and her being upset because her mum was treating her once again like crap and bringing her down and the amount of times she rung at 7.30am to tell me how crappy her husband was.... when I found he was a great husband that supported her through everything that she wanted to try.

Also the fact that my whole family knew when the phone rang and it was her again... I started hating the phone and never wanting to pick it up, my hubby went and brought a caller id phone so that we could avoid the phone calls and only pick up the phone once a day.

I am on the second day of Crusher's 6 week challenge and I must admit I have come across a snag in it because I can't eat breakfast till 9.30 since I have to have muesli for breakfast with work as I start work at 7.30.... so that was frustrating this morning as I was soo hungry so I think Crusher and I have made a compromise to have a shake on the work days (well at least the Tuesday as I go from LEAN straight to work).

Crusher I will do this... I know the V is going to be the hardest thing for me but you must realise I used to have a V a day and now I am only having one on a Monday and one on a Saturday and then I will cut down again to make sure I get rid of it totally... it will happen (Thank you Crusher for your concern) and I am trying.

I also have been thinking about the last two months and going back to my WW meetings help me keep on track too and I miss them like crazy when I don't go.... and having their encouraging words keep me going. I also have to know my weight each week or I can't judge and the weight doesn't move and I do think deep down Crusher is now realising that because I am on a losing streak he he he. I know weight shouldn't be the focus but with the amount of weight I have to loose it has to be my focus.

My friend Aroha came and had lunch with me today... well I had a coffee and she had lunch and then went back to work and ate at my desk. It was great to see her again... she keeps hinting that I should move down to Wellington he he he.

Lean was good this morning but the knee is still bugging me... because I feel like I am being left behind and it is bugging me like you wouldn't believe and even more when we are outside and everyone is running.... I hate it!! I hate it!!! I want to run but walking is bad enough on this F*(king knee... I now know what Delwyn was feeling when she had to give up Lean because of her calf muscle.. I don't like the fact that I am hating going.. and I think it is because with the outside stuff I am always feeling like I will never catch up and never do as well as the others... it is bugging me... I suppose that is life, but up until 3 weeks ago I thought I was doing better in my exercise and will be jogging more but alas it isn't to happen just yet.

I got a lovely comment from a parent today sayng that I look like I am glowing in the last week. I think I am... I think I am doing this and I am going to get under 100 kilos!! The last week of posts were a little depressing but I had to go through it to start to be happy in my life again.

OMG I feel sooo loved... I have 31 people emailing me to read my diary so I must be helping someone (other than me) along this journey and that is soooooo a reason to keep going because without your posts I don't think I would have stuck to this journey... you are all my inspiration.

Love ya
Chubbymum

Blob out day

It is a blob out day today.

Spent the day just being at home...

I must admit I am a little bored with it now as I am now used to doing something everyday exercise wise.

My mum has been in one of her little moods today deciding to punish me with something by doing the silent treatment and staying in her bedroom. I think I have come to the conclusion that it is her problem as she has been doing this all my life... making me feel quilty for something but never telling me what it is and I think that is why we usually go out because it is unbearable sometimes.

I went in her room and said to her that our whole holiday she was saying she missed us etc but when we are at home she doesn't treat us like that and moans about everything all day... the room is messy, the kids playroom is untidy (while they are in there playing), the lawns aren't mowed yet (and it is still on Saturday morning) it is honestly driving me insane in the last couple of weeks. I am 36 years old, this is my family and we have a mortgage and we are married and she still treats me like a 12 year old and does these little tantrums.

I love my mum... she does help us out a lot and she is a lovely lady but I am finally at 36 realising that the little tantrums are her problem and if she is going to stay in her room and sulk and not tell us what the problem is then she will stay there all day and that just makes it more of a problem for her as it doesn't bother me like it used to... it does a little but I am not going to let her do it to me... the mind games just brass me off now.

We made fridge magnets with the boys today with plasterer paris (spelling he he he??) and then painted them... they look so cute. We played playstation and we also spent an hour reading our books. We are trying to teach the boys that they need to sit and read now and then and not just play on computers and watch tv's.

I read some more blogs today as I want to get more inspiration to keep me going on this weight loss journey, and one lady I did read was dietgirl. To be quite honest I have come across her blog so many times by others that read it. I was intimidated because she had stuck to it for so long, and is in a place where I want to be and felt a twang of jealousy... but I take my hat off to her as she is an interesting lady and I think I will keep reading.

Been a little hard to keep on track with Crusher's new progam today because of staying home all day I am nibblish... but I stuck to it... didn't want to mind you... It is hard for me the week after my monthly I find that I want to eat sweet things on that week and it drives me insane. Hmmm but I will battle that.

Good night everyone.
I am tired
Love Chubbymum

Round the bridges

Ok... HO HUM (for you Helena) I have a cold... but I have been watching Down size me on Tuesday nights and the trainer (don't know if I like this woman by the way) said that when you are sick you should still get up and do exercise... so I did!! I went for a practice run of the round the bridges.

Hubby got on the computer and found the map of where the 6.3 km's go and we walked it... went with the kids (which btw we should have left home this time) and did it in 1 hour and 30 minutes and I am sure I probably could have taken 10 to 15 minutes off that if we didn't have them. But there were enough hills in the walk and especially nasty at the end of the 6.3 kms is a nasty one arghhhh but I am glad I did it.

I am not too sure my throat was feeling the same way (as I still have a head cold) but I practiced it and the "Round the bridges" is on the 5th November so that isn't too long away.

Then a week later I have my triathlon with the gym... not sure if you would call it a triathlon but Quintathlon as we have to do:

1. 12km Walk/Jog
2. 12km Bike Ride
3. 4000 metre Rower
4. 50 Sit ups
5. 50 Push ups

Crusher seems to think that I can do the 12km's on the 'Round the bridges' but I don't know if I want to do the 12km.

I am doing the 12km's the week after and I have achieved so much this year with my first triathlon, boot camp, tough guy/gal and now the round the bridges and then the second triathlon.

I am not wanting to do these because I love them but just because I want to be in them to say I have achieved it, so the difference between doing the 'Round the bridges' 6.3 km doesn't mean that they mean any less.

I am going to do the 6.3 km's and realised that today that is what I want to do and then the 12km the weekend after. I know... I know Crusher won't be happy as she thinks I can do it and maybe I can but I don't want to do it I think that is the difference this time.

I am also a little worried I am overdoing it for my knee too as I now have both my knees giving me grief and I hate the fact that I feel like I am coming apart.... a little scared that if I keep overdoing it then I am going to get to the stage that I can't do anything at all.

Tomorrow I start my challenge with Crusher and I am a little aprehensive only because I have a choice of 5 meals for 6 weeks and I know what I am like when I can't have something I get bored and I stray... I am going to try try try not to but I think the thing that will let me down is the only choice for breakfast is muesli, yoghurt and fruit and I must admit the yoghurt and fruit for breakfast gives me chills as I hate them mixed.. I know I am a weird chicky but I just don't like it.... but I have to learn to like it because I WANT to get this next 10 kilos OFF

We went and did the groceries this afternoon too...so I spent the whole day walking (I should have worn my pedometer) and finally got to rest at 4.40pm arghhhh.

We got a Dvd out called Zathura and we all quite enjoyed the movie.

Tomorrow if it is a bad day then we are going to sit and make Christmas cards with the kids as we brought them some card and some xmas decorations for their cards and they are itching to make theirs. I reckon it will be fun but messy he he he.

I am going for another walk tomorrow but I think I might leave the hubby and kids home so that I can actually go at a good speed. I haven't practiced enough before this triathlon and it is worrying me a little.

Anyway love ya all

Chubbymum