Gets better and better

My week just keeps getting better...

Went to my weigh in tonight and I lost 400 grams..

OK it isn't wonderful but it is a loss and I would rather that than the plateau I have been experiencing.

I have not gained in 4 weeks so I am sooo happy about that. I am also more positive about getting the next 10 kilos off than I have in such a long time... I have surrounded myself with positive friends and in particular I think Debbie is doing a lot to keep me motivated and she listens and there is so much we have in common it is great. Among others as well... like Crusher and my Wonderful Weight Watcher ladies and of course all you guys that are commenting and keeping me going.

BTW welcome Steph and thanks for commenting you honestly don't realise how much it keeps me going and I know that commenting after reading for a while and not commenting it is a huge thing... woohooo you did it my friend.

Debbie and I have a goal to loose 10 kilos by end of February together. So that is around 500 grams a week. Which will take me to 114 OMG the teens will be fantastic and then after the 10 kilos I will have only 4 kilos to match my hubby's weight woohoooo.

Debbie wants to lose more than that and I hope for her that she does manage it.

OMG I could be under 100 by April if I lose 1 kilo a week but I know realistically I can't loose 1 kilo a week for that long... ho hum so October next year is my goal to be 99 kilos or less.

It feels achievable today that I can lose 10 kilos by February... my focus is now back on me and not other peoples problems and I think it is fantastic.

I was chatting to one of my WW leaders and we had a good chat about people that are just not right in our lives and she managed to get rid of a person that was holding her back. Debbie was there and said the same thing about a person in her life that she is now realising wasn't a friend at all and was glad that they have parted ways quite a while ago. I said to her that I just hate losing friends but she managed to say that she wasn't a friend... and (she said to me don't take this the wrong way) that some people like bigger people around to make them feel even better about themselves. I said to her "do you think she really did that to me" she said that she really felt like that at the time of meeting her. If I look back on the 3 times that she brushed me off for a better option that she wasn't my friend and the world revolved around her.

It makes me wonder... am I that much of an ugly person that people want to keep me around to make them look good. Am I that big that people only want that part of the friendship? OMG what a lot of growing this week... realising things and people in my life seeing things but didn't say what they thought when she was still my friend.

I know I keep going on about this but it is just one of the things that I have to work through to be able to get this weight loss off and to shake off the acidic influences in my life.

My skin is clearing up and I am sleeping better and not fearing if the phone will ring once again for the 6th time in a day and having to answer because she knew what my schedule was and helping her out with her car problems and her being upset because her mum was treating her once again like crap and bringing her down and the amount of times she rung at 7.30am to tell me how crappy her husband was.... when I found he was a great husband that supported her through everything that she wanted to try.

Also the fact that my whole family knew when the phone rang and it was her again... I started hating the phone and never wanting to pick it up, my hubby went and brought a caller id phone so that we could avoid the phone calls and only pick up the phone once a day.

I am on the second day of Crusher's 6 week challenge and I must admit I have come across a snag in it because I can't eat breakfast till 9.30 since I have to have muesli for breakfast with work as I start work at 7.30.... so that was frustrating this morning as I was soo hungry so I think Crusher and I have made a compromise to have a shake on the work days (well at least the Tuesday as I go from LEAN straight to work).

Crusher I will do this... I know the V is going to be the hardest thing for me but you must realise I used to have a V a day and now I am only having one on a Monday and one on a Saturday and then I will cut down again to make sure I get rid of it totally... it will happen (Thank you Crusher for your concern) and I am trying.

I also have been thinking about the last two months and going back to my WW meetings help me keep on track too and I miss them like crazy when I don't go.... and having their encouraging words keep me going. I also have to know my weight each week or I can't judge and the weight doesn't move and I do think deep down Crusher is now realising that because I am on a losing streak he he he. I know weight shouldn't be the focus but with the amount of weight I have to loose it has to be my focus.

My friend Aroha came and had lunch with me today... well I had a coffee and she had lunch and then went back to work and ate at my desk. It was great to see her again... she keeps hinting that I should move down to Wellington he he he.

Lean was good this morning but the knee is still bugging me... because I feel like I am being left behind and it is bugging me like you wouldn't believe and even more when we are outside and everyone is running.... I hate it!! I hate it!!! I want to run but walking is bad enough on this F*(king knee... I now know what Delwyn was feeling when she had to give up Lean because of her calf muscle.. I don't like the fact that I am hating going.. and I think it is because with the outside stuff I am always feeling like I will never catch up and never do as well as the others... it is bugging me... I suppose that is life, but up until 3 weeks ago I thought I was doing better in my exercise and will be jogging more but alas it isn't to happen just yet.

I got a lovely comment from a parent today sayng that I look like I am glowing in the last week. I think I am... I think I am doing this and I am going to get under 100 kilos!! The last week of posts were a little depressing but I had to go through it to start to be happy in my life again.

OMG I feel sooo loved... I have 31 people emailing me to read my diary so I must be helping someone (other than me) along this journey and that is soooooo a reason to keep going because without your posts I don't think I would have stuck to this journey... you are all my inspiration.

Love ya
Chubbymum