Lovely Lyn

I forgot to put the beautiful photo

of Lovely Lyn up yesterday!!!

What was wrong with me GEESH...

My coffee with Lyn was great and here we are...

both of us making sure that Tania took the photo

from the right spot upwards he he he what a laugh.

Went to the physio tonight and he is convinced it is my back for sure and not the calf and hamstring being the main culprit. Hubby got off work early and took me because driving home today I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the wheel... GEESH. Why are physio's sooooo painful OMG hubby said that he had his elbow into my back I was in so much pain and he just kept going it was horrible. But I feel a little better since though so that is great.

Saw Joy afterwards and she said that there has been so many people coming up to her asking why they haven't seen me around the gym in the last couple of weeks and also a couple of people asking why the lovely couple weren't at the kickboxing classes anymore he he he so we were missed.

Joy is finishing this Friday at the gym and the guy doesn't know it... she is on contract till then and has started setting up a gym in her garage and is going to do personal training from home and starting the Lean group over there as well. So our night time Lean is going to start soon afterwards OMG I cannot wait because I need it!! I need to get back in to a group and a new group will be good for me. Daniel isn't going to leave the gym and go with her to her business so I am soooo happy with that because I enjoy just Joy as the trainer.

I have tried today to be good with my food and have decided to put my food down at the bottom like Sue and Leenie are doing and maybe it will keep me on track. I haven't eaten too much today but that is because these tablets are making me feel quite sick to the stomach so food isn't on my mind at all.

I have been thinking about the books that Leenie has been reading (her bible as she calls it) and I put a reservation on one of them at the Library so I can't wait till I get that. I have been also been raiding the internet about the author as well to find out more information.

I have also added something new to my Papaya business as I was asked to do a wine label for a 21st for a lady at work's daughter and she loved the designs I did and showed others at work and now I have 4 orders OMG that was the easiest way to make a little bit of money ever he he he so I am going to put them as part of Papapya too... it was sooo much fun.

Food today:

Breakfast: Weetbix and milk
Lunch: Ham and Egg sandwich
Dinner: Fish (on George Forman) Salad
Snack: Plums
Water: 2 Bottles

Been in a funk

Been in a funk today!!!

Back at work but my back was killing me today.

Over the weekend things seemed to go ok with my back and I had twinges here and there but they were bearable but today I was in agony. I went to the doctor's after work and got some different pain killers and they make me feel just as weird as the ones I took in the weekend.

The pain killers the doctor gave me Thursday morning made me feel really relaxed and that was good but I felt so light headed it was a strange feeling and then on the Friday morning I threw up and felt really bad for the whole morning.

I am so hoping that these tablets do the trick.

I didn't go to WW tonight and there were a couple of reasons...

1. I was in agony and I could not have sat in my chair and listened and driving there wasn't good either.
   
2. I haven't been that wonderful since not being able to exercise and I had an email from one of my WW leaders and she was straight to the point that exercise doesn't mean I can't lose the weight (and I know she is right) but I have been a stupid cow (yes I know guys I said stupid again) I have not tracked and I have not really wanted to... I have given up in the last couple of weeks.
   
3. I have gained!!! I just know it and I feel it!!

I feel like a broken record and had a huge breakdown with hubby tonight about it all. I feel so out of control and I just wanted to finish with WW this week for good because I just haven't cared. I shouldn't use the back as an excuse but honestly today I was in so much pain at work with my back that there was a morning tea and I didn't stop at just one thing!!

I got my ACC letter today saying that I was covered for my back. I am so happy about that because I think I will be going to the physio quite a lot until it is sorted as I am going back to my exercise because I feel so down in the dumps and my emotions are all over the place when I am not being active and I am not liking it.

Anyway.... hubby and I have a plan from tonights dinner that I am going to cut everything down but a quarter. So for dinner I had chilli con carne and salad and it was filling. I am also going to cut down on the carbs as I eat too much of them.

I do want to keep with this lifestyle change. This afternoon while sitting in my office I was feeling sorry for myself and I was totally going to give up! I was!!! but after getting off my sad horse I know I can't do that.

Tomorrow I will:

1. Go for a walk even if it is just down the street and back and not to overdo it so my back hurts.


2. Drink my water.


3. Have a good breakfast so I don't feel that I have to nibble.

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Ok my bitch over now...

Attached are some photos of my camping trip and I know I haven't sad too much about the weekend but to be honest I don't want to... because I would say negative things and I want to remember that I had time with my family and that was the most precious thing that weekend (apart from meeting lovely lyn that is he he).
Above my boys were sitting on a lovely rock at Karangahape Gorge and I just loved how delicious they looked. My boys were so happy to be going on holiday... look at their faces and this was only the first day he he he.

Corbin took this photo little cheeky monkey. We thought we would catch a kiss while the boys took a photo of the water and he turned around and took a photo of us instead he he he.

Isn't Wahi just beautiful!!!! I just love this photo and I loved walking up this beach in the weekend and I also loved just sitting there and taking it all in.

This is hubby and Tania's hubby and the kids making sandcastles and having a great time.

Like father like son... Hubby called me and I turned around and there he was taking a photo of me relaxing at the beach... but I do like this photo I must say.

We went long line fishing and we caught a sting ray OMG I was like gobsmacked because I didn't think that stingray's would have been that close to shore but they are and you would be happy to know that we set it free to go back to the sea poor thing.

Good night everyone... I need to get some sleep.

Love ya

Chubbymum

Camping

Hi Everyone

I am at Bowentown camp and just loving it. I must say I am a little tired of my back and it has gotten much better since the middle of last week that is for sure.

Thursday
Well Wednesday night I was in so much pain that I booked in for the doctor this morning. She ended up sending me for a blood test as she thought maybe I could have had a blood clot so I was terrified for an hour and she said that I would have to stay in Hamilton because if the blood test came back positive then I would have to go and have a scan or something and I said well I would be just coming back because I was going on this holiday.

I got a phone call on my cellphone to say that it was Negative woohoooo so I am glad we took off for the holiday anyway.

It was great after getting the negative results and we stopped at Karangahake Gorge and walked across the bridges and took photos and had some fun with the boys. I enjoyed it a lot.

We got to the Waihi township and I went in to a tiny $2 shop and got spades and buckets and they were the best investment for this holiday that is for sure.

We went down to the beach with my kids and Tania's kids that afternoon and spent time getting wet and sandy and it was a blast and all the kids just get on so well. Tania didn't come down she just wanted to sit around reading so she missed out on her kids having fun... but then she turned up and all she could do was shout at her kids to get out of the water and stop getting so dirty that I turned to her and said go back to the camp ground and I will tidy them up as they are kids and need to have some fun.

I am liking having the two families together but want to shake Tania because her kids can't be kept in cotton wool all their lives or it is just not fair.

So needless to say hubby and I had 5 kids this weekend and not 2 he he he but we got shells and walked along the beach and it was good.

Tania and her mum argue more than me and my mum do and I have a little bit of a headache and last night (Saturday night) I said "For christ sake stop it... Stop bitching at each other.

Tania has gained about 20 kilos back in the last year and I have been trying to get her to get off her backside and get out with me this whole time. I am a little afraid that she is using her ankle as an excuse because she doesn't want to get up at all when we are at home either and I don't want my friend going back to her size she was before... but I need to say it in a nice way.. how do I do that?

We went out line fishing last night and ended up catching some fish and a sting ray and I took a photo of it. Soooo coool.

I met Lyn and she is JUST FABULOUS what a darling she is and I felt really comfortable talking to her. She is so easy to talk to and so nice. I hope that we meet again that is for sure. I also took a photo and I will attach it when I get back off holiday.

I think I have been good with food while we have been away. I have had a hollow easter egg though he he he and totally enjoyed it for the diet starts on Monday he he

We have booked the camp ground again for next year for Easter so I get to meet Lyn again next year he he he.

Thinking about seeing if there are any spaces for January next year too and get out with the kids... but we shall see.

It has been nice coming out with another family and I do adore Tania and her family and we have been playing cards and games too and it has been an experience.

Anyway better go back and cook dinner now and catch up on my book he he he for tomorrow we go home.

Miss reading your blogs and I will update properly when I get back. Love ya all.

I will attach photos when I get back too.

Love ya
Chubbymum

A lot of thought

UPDATE:

Went to my physio this afternoon... I wish this man would make up his mind. I told him how my calf muscle with those exercises weren't helping and that my back is still sore... he seems to think I haven't pulled my calf muscle and that maybe I have slipped a disk in my back and it is pinching a nerve that is why my right leg is sore OMG wish he would work out the problem and sort it out GEESH.... so he has told me no bike riding!! No cross trainer and no rower!!... I can go on the water bike (with arms only) and I can go on the treadmill but I have a certain way I have to stand OMG I am going to feel like a freak!!!

He said I have to be really careful and I have to have a lumber bar put behind my back and every two hours I have stretches to do where I am on my front and I have to sort of do press ups (x 10) with my upper body aparently it stretches my back or something???

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First: THANK YOU Tracy, Janene, Anne, Janene and Rachel for you comments in yesterdays post... I really appreciated them. I have been doing so much thinking that I guess I just didn't know what thing was right for me anymore and was getting really confused.

I just know that I don't want to give up this journey ya know?? I don't want to give up and go back to where I was before. I am tired of hobbling around 121 and 122 and it was frustrating me.

I really sat down last night after reading Katiepies blog and started thinking about why I am doing this to myself. I started trying to work out why I lost 1.5 last week when I don't usually lose that amount in a week and I think I have figured it out. I have been trying so hard to lose 1.2 this week that I have fallen on the wayside because of two things:

1. Exercise: Well this is obvious because I haven't been able to do any... and that can't be helped with my back being involved as well as my calf and hamstring. I could go to Aqua but even the driving is painful at the moment with my back.

2. The week I lost the 1.5 I wasn't thinking about my food.. I was tracking but I was eating when I really felt hungry and I wasn't obsessing about what I was going to have for my next meal. And I think when I read Kates post it made me realise that I was doing some form of intuitive eating (IE as she calls it) and it worked for me as I didn't stress about what I was eating. It was more relaxed.

Now I am not saying that I am totally going to do IE and that is it but I do feel like I have to keep my form of IE going and see how it works.

I do believe in Weight Watchers and it has gotten me to 33.8 kilos lost so it isn't all that bad but I was getting frustrated as I had been on it long enough now that I am getting bored... but as the old saying goes anything you put your mind to will loose you weight but only if you want to loose it and stick to it. It is the sticking to it that gets people down. I can't believe that WW doesn't work!!! and to hear that makes me want to say "NO you don't want it to work or it would work as it is a sensible plan".

I know it isn't working for me but that isn't because of WW it is because of me. So I am going to tweak it for me.

I have to put in this that I read today about IE:

The "Pee" Analogy

Here's an analogy that helps to convey how weird and unnatural dieting really is.

The process of feeling hungry, experiencing a body-wisdom-based desire for a certain type of food, eating the food, stopping when satisfied, and then going off to do something else and not giving it another thought is "normal eating". This is completely analogous to what occurs when you have to pee. You sense your body's need, you go to the bathroom and relieve yourself, and then go back to what you were doing without giving it another thought. In both cases, you read a physical signal, meet the physical need, and give it no more thought. That's normal .

Now imagine what a strange world it would be if we were told that peeing had to be done on a schedule - we should pee 4 times a day, and it should be at 4 hour intervals and we should only pee one cup at a time. If we need to pee in between times, we should hold it. If we want to pee more than one cup, we should hold that for the next time. Sound bizarre? That's basically what a diet is.

It really makes sense doesn't it!!

Apart from Easter as I know camping with the three families I am not going to be 100% good but I am going to watch my thoughts and hunger pangs on what I think I need and don't need this weekend and I am going to do this for the next month and see how I go.

I was feeling distressed because it has made me aware that I rely so much on my exercise to counteract my food and it should be the other way around or even... if ya know what I mean.

I hate so much that I think about food that much and it was getting me so angry yesterday. I have to start thinking more about what is going to make me happy in the long run and not what will make me happy in the short term.

Thanks Tracy... I am going to take your advice and position myself away from the naughty food at the camp and have some good choices sitting in front of me... Planning really is a obsession with me and I have to stop it and just go with the flow.

Thanks Janene... I have got two of Geneen Roth's books but didn't get her very first one grrr and she is sosooooooo easy to read isn't she and makes so much sense. I must admit I haven't finished either of the books... just read the first couple of chapters and then got lazy and got sick of reading about food and thoughts etc he he he. I think maybe you are right with the all or nothing theory with me and OMG that is soooo frustrating isn't it??? he he he

Anne...Thank you! You are adorable you know that!! Such a caring lovely person. I hope that your Easter weekend is a good one too.

Leighanne.... girl you have a lot on your plate at the moment and don't you give up either aye... we will get there in the end.. I do know that he he he.

Rachel... thanks for the email and I might try not counting the exercise points for a while and see how that goes. I know that sometimes with all the exercise I do do that I need to have the extra food... just need to think about how much sometimes.

Have my water next to me today... gulping that when I get to the stage I want to say arghhhhhh no exercise. But there is light at the end of the tunnel (I finally see it today) and I have a pt with Joy tomorrow morning and we are going to work out a way to get exercise back without causing too much pain.

I was a silly bitch last night that I had had enough of sitting around that I said to hubby I wanted to go for a walk and it was good while doing it and we chatted and went for about 40 minutes but then came back and watched tv and then trying to get up was OMG painful as my muscles weren't happy with me... so I have to watch the walking business for a while GRRRRRRR.

Anyway better get some work done he he

Chubbymum

Don't know what to do!!!

I don't know what to do!

I have been reading books on weight loss for a month now because I feel lost!! I don't know what to do!

I have gotten complacent with WW not that I don't think it will work. IT DOES but after 2 years of doing it I am starting to be soooo boring with my food. I point but then I am getting confused with the sugar points (they don't have them anymore and it drives me insane so I still do them).

Ever since I started the exercise points stumped me.. I mean for doing one kickboxing class I get 13 points OMG I can only take like 14 a week so if I do kickboxing 3 times a week and other gym things I can't take it so what is the point in give us bigger people so many points?

I am not going to WW like I should every week and that is because I am tired of the rivalry with Debbie!! Tired of feeling like we are competing... but I like talking to her but everything is a competition with her and she keeps nudging it in my face that "I suppose you have lost more than me now etc" Which I am 7 kilos of even catching up to her but she doesn't know that.

I need some sort of food plan to get me excited again... I can't win with me at the moment... when I was planning I was overdoing the planning and being annal that I couldn't lose anything and then when I a relaxed and not anal then I start gaining. I can't find a happy medium.

I even paid like $65 (hubby doesn't know he he he) for a book from the UK about two ladies that lost a lot of weight and what they discovered and the book is fantastic and it makes sense when you read it but a little scared to try it because it goes against everything that I feel is right... It is a mixture of a lot of diets... mainly the Atkins where you don't eat Carbs for the first 2 phases and then slowly bring them back in... I just can't grasp the concept of having bacon and eggs for breakfast and no toast... and cream and rich stuff and cheese...

OMG.... if you gave me cheese I just couldnt stop myself as I am a cheese aholic... like some people love chocolate I LOVEEEEE CHEESSEEEE and find it really hard to stay at one slice of brie etc.

I feel like my whole life this week has turned me upside without having my PT's and Kickboxing I am like a bear with a sore foot.

I know I am having too big a portion and I have to stop it but then I am doing this emotional eating thing where I can't get my head around it.

We had a morning tea for Easter for work this morning and I ploughed in to the chips and dip OMG what was wrong with me I haven't wanted them in 2 years why now? I couldn't help it and the more I ate the more I wanted... I am a silly BITCH that can't control her fucken food and I am going insane.

Emailed hubby and he seems to think it is because I feel trapped with no exercise and the pain in my leg but OMG that is no bloody excuse is it!!! I mean I know I shouldn't be eating this crap!! I know it isn't good for me!! I have 1.2 kilos to get to my 35 and it isn't coming!!!

I have to start tracking and putting it up online!!! I have to keep it going and take responsibility. I track on my tracker and I put everything I have put in my mouth in it so I don't cheat on it but I am not feeling guilty like I should about it.

I am really worried about the camping trip this weekend with all the crap I know the others are going to have... I have to get up and go for a hobble(walk he he) instead of sitting there with the food in my face all the time... .

I want my posts to be positive again. I was going to start Lean this week and that is down the toilet because I wouldn't be able to keep up and in the last couple of months my fitness has gotten up to a better level that I thought I wouldn't be feeling a little out of my depth with Lean and now look at me OMG.

Moan over
Going to do some work now ho hum

Chubbymum

At home

Stayed home today... having major pain with my leg and it is just about driving me insane.. taking voltaren and panadol and it works for a little but if I move I am in trouble. Taking the boys to school today was OMG painful to say the least...

I don't want to be moany!!!

I don't want to be unhappy!!!

I had 1.2 kilos to lose this week to get to my 35 and I have FUCKED it up!!!

I haven't been bad with my food but I haven't had the exercise to be able to keep my weight down....

I am missing my exercise and I am getting angrier and upset and I don't know what to do with myself. I was thinking about going back to Lean this week (as Kris said she has given up the gym for 3 months) so thought I might get back into the swing of things and then this happens...

OHHHH Lyn how the hell did you and do you do it!! How come you don't get angry at not doing exercise!

I had a really nice salad for lunch today. It was with roast pork (cooked in water in the oven) and OMG the salad was DEVINE!!!

I just texted Joy and said I was going insane and I missed my PT on Friday and I will miss my PT this Friday can she fit me in and see what she can do to help me as I don't think I can cope anymore.

So 7am Thursday I am ON!! I am going to rest this leg and do my exercises for the physio and going to get back with it.

How is everyone? Hope you found your way back to me here at Bloggerland???

Love ya
Chubbymum

Sunday!!!!

Got up late this morning as I didn't go to sleep till late as I was in a lot of pain with my calf muscle last night. OMG I haven't had that much pain ever! But last night was really bad.

Got up and did a spring clean of our bedroom and ensuite and then the kids came up to annoy us and ended up helping us it was great to have them help and not moan he he he.

We then went down and had breakfast and we all went for a bike ride. I was in a little bit of pain getting on the bike but it was better than going for a walk because on a bike you can glide in parts... so I got a little bit of exercise woohooo as it has been a week with no exercise and I was hanging out for it.

When we went to the shops we go a fruju iceblock each and an old friend of ours saw us sitting on the bench and came over to chat. It was good catching up with her (she is the reason hubby and I got together 18 years ago) so it brought back some memories and we don't live that far from each other so we will have to catch up again. She goes mountain biking with her family and she isn't a skinny thing either so we might join them as a family one day it would be great.

Tania came over after lunch and we went food shopping for our camping trip Easter at Bowentown. I can't wait it is going to be great there are three families going and all with kids the same age so woohoo for us. I brought a magazine and taking a book and my cross stitch and then I am sorted for the weekend he he.

Went to Tania's for dinner tonight.. hmmm nice pork roast yummmy. It was a relaxing night. Her hubby wasn't there but sometimes that is a good thing as he makes it a little tense and I don't think he is a very sociable person usually. Tania, hubby and I had a good time.

Anyway going to go and make a camping list argghhhh so many things to do in so little time he he he. Beach here we come.

Love ya all
Chubbymum