A lot of thought

UPDATE:

Went to my physio this afternoon... I wish this man would make up his mind. I told him how my calf muscle with those exercises weren't helping and that my back is still sore... he seems to think I haven't pulled my calf muscle and that maybe I have slipped a disk in my back and it is pinching a nerve that is why my right leg is sore OMG wish he would work out the problem and sort it out GEESH.... so he has told me no bike riding!! No cross trainer and no rower!!... I can go on the water bike (with arms only) and I can go on the treadmill but I have a certain way I have to stand OMG I am going to feel like a freak!!!

He said I have to be really careful and I have to have a lumber bar put behind my back and every two hours I have stretches to do where I am on my front and I have to sort of do press ups (x 10) with my upper body aparently it stretches my back or something???

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First: THANK YOU Tracy, Janene, Anne, Janene and Rachel for you comments in yesterdays post... I really appreciated them. I have been doing so much thinking that I guess I just didn't know what thing was right for me anymore and was getting really confused.

I just know that I don't want to give up this journey ya know?? I don't want to give up and go back to where I was before. I am tired of hobbling around 121 and 122 and it was frustrating me.

I really sat down last night after reading Katiepies blog and started thinking about why I am doing this to myself. I started trying to work out why I lost 1.5 last week when I don't usually lose that amount in a week and I think I have figured it out. I have been trying so hard to lose 1.2 this week that I have fallen on the wayside because of two things:

1. Exercise: Well this is obvious because I haven't been able to do any... and that can't be helped with my back being involved as well as my calf and hamstring. I could go to Aqua but even the driving is painful at the moment with my back.

2. The week I lost the 1.5 I wasn't thinking about my food.. I was tracking but I was eating when I really felt hungry and I wasn't obsessing about what I was going to have for my next meal. And I think when I read Kates post it made me realise that I was doing some form of intuitive eating (IE as she calls it) and it worked for me as I didn't stress about what I was eating. It was more relaxed.

Now I am not saying that I am totally going to do IE and that is it but I do feel like I have to keep my form of IE going and see how it works.

I do believe in Weight Watchers and it has gotten me to 33.8 kilos lost so it isn't all that bad but I was getting frustrated as I had been on it long enough now that I am getting bored... but as the old saying goes anything you put your mind to will loose you weight but only if you want to loose it and stick to it. It is the sticking to it that gets people down. I can't believe that WW doesn't work!!! and to hear that makes me want to say "NO you don't want it to work or it would work as it is a sensible plan".

I know it isn't working for me but that isn't because of WW it is because of me. So I am going to tweak it for me.

I have to put in this that I read today about IE:

The "Pee" Analogy

Here's an analogy that helps to convey how weird and unnatural dieting really is.

The process of feeling hungry, experiencing a body-wisdom-based desire for a certain type of food, eating the food, stopping when satisfied, and then going off to do something else and not giving it another thought is "normal eating". This is completely analogous to what occurs when you have to pee. You sense your body's need, you go to the bathroom and relieve yourself, and then go back to what you were doing without giving it another thought. In both cases, you read a physical signal, meet the physical need, and give it no more thought. That's normal .

Now imagine what a strange world it would be if we were told that peeing had to be done on a schedule - we should pee 4 times a day, and it should be at 4 hour intervals and we should only pee one cup at a time. If we need to pee in between times, we should hold it. If we want to pee more than one cup, we should hold that for the next time. Sound bizarre? That's basically what a diet is.

It really makes sense doesn't it!!

Apart from Easter as I know camping with the three families I am not going to be 100% good but I am going to watch my thoughts and hunger pangs on what I think I need and don't need this weekend and I am going to do this for the next month and see how I go.

I was feeling distressed because it has made me aware that I rely so much on my exercise to counteract my food and it should be the other way around or even... if ya know what I mean.

I hate so much that I think about food that much and it was getting me so angry yesterday. I have to start thinking more about what is going to make me happy in the long run and not what will make me happy in the short term.

Thanks Tracy... I am going to take your advice and position myself away from the naughty food at the camp and have some good choices sitting in front of me... Planning really is a obsession with me and I have to stop it and just go with the flow.

Thanks Janene... I have got two of Geneen Roth's books but didn't get her very first one grrr and she is sosooooooo easy to read isn't she and makes so much sense. I must admit I haven't finished either of the books... just read the first couple of chapters and then got lazy and got sick of reading about food and thoughts etc he he he. I think maybe you are right with the all or nothing theory with me and OMG that is soooo frustrating isn't it??? he he he

Anne...Thank you! You are adorable you know that!! Such a caring lovely person. I hope that your Easter weekend is a good one too.

Leighanne.... girl you have a lot on your plate at the moment and don't you give up either aye... we will get there in the end.. I do know that he he he.

Rachel... thanks for the email and I might try not counting the exercise points for a while and see how that goes. I know that sometimes with all the exercise I do do that I need to have the extra food... just need to think about how much sometimes.

Have my water next to me today... gulping that when I get to the stage I want to say arghhhhhh no exercise. But there is light at the end of the tunnel (I finally see it today) and I have a pt with Joy tomorrow morning and we are going to work out a way to get exercise back without causing too much pain.

I was a silly bitch last night that I had had enough of sitting around that I said to hubby I wanted to go for a walk and it was good while doing it and we chatted and went for about 40 minutes but then came back and watched tv and then trying to get up was OMG painful as my muscles weren't happy with me... so I have to watch the walking business for a while GRRRRRRR.

Anyway better get some work done he he

Chubbymum