Caught in a web of indecision

Lee-Anne you are right.... it is time for me to update he he

You guys know what my weekends are like and ever since I have been to that parenting seminar I have been spending even more quality time with the kids.... so let's see what have we done

Saturday was busy shopping with the kids getting Lego and jigsaw puzzles because we knew the rest of the weekend was going to be crappy so we organised with the kids that from Saturday afternoon till Sunday morning we would have a camp out in the lounge... so we got their mattresses from their beds and their duevets and pillow and we camped in the lounge with popcorn and chippies and drinks and we played Lego and jigsaw puzzles and watched DVD's and basically spent time in our PJ's just doing things with them. It was great and the day went really fast and they even got to stay up till around 10pm watching the rugby (as we never let them stay up past 7.30 he he but I felt generous).... half way through the rugby they fell asleep woohooo so we got some time me and hubby chatting... We also went for a walk down and back on the river as it was nice in the morning when we went.

I totally enjoyed that day doing that and spending money on jigsaws as well.

Sunday was a miserable day but it was not going to stop me doing my exercise.... so we all got our raincoats, boots, umbrellas and warm weather gear on and went for a walk in the rain... I swear the people out there thought we were completely nutty but we enjoyed it and the boys got to trample in the puddles etc so that was great. We went 6,320 steps on our walk so I was pleased with that and felt that I didn't mind spending the rest of the day doing jigsaw puzzles and watching tv... woooohooo for us. I was smiling in the rain because the boys weren't too happy we were doing it at the start but they totally enjoyed it while we were out. We did manage to stop at the coffee shop and have a hot chocolate so that made their days too.

So I am back at work today boo hoo and not feeling like I want to be here but I am and hey that is life.

As you all know I haven't been going to Weight Watchers for about a month because I have been paying for it and feeling like I wasn't learning anything new out of it and that I could do it on my own....

Well anyway a lady turned up in my office today from Weight Watchers (not the leaders just a lady loosing weight) and said that she couldn't miss the opportunity (as her company delivers the bread to our creche) and she told them that she would go and deliver it today and so..... anyway she came in to my office and said that everyone is missing me and that I am such an inspiration to her and the reason she kept going and for me not to be there is quite a downer now.

Said that she was sad to hear that I wouldn't be coming back... OH GOD now I feel quilty but happy at the same time because I didn't want to leave as I made some great friends but I couldn't justify the money either for the yoyoing I had been doing but I might reconsider as this might be the push that I needed??? She didn't have to do that and it was a nice thing for her to take time out to come and tell me that... hmmmm lots of pondering is going to be happening I think.

I was telling her about my delima with Debbie and that I felt like the competition wasn't good and I didn't want to ruin our friendship either and she said "she is such a negative person and I would much rather that you were there instead of her and that I should still be going and if the friendship was worth it then it would get through it" OKKKKKK so that made me feel like a bitch for saying it because I can lose this weight if I want to I just have to work out a way that I can not let Debbie and her competing get to me... I know it is in my head but it is hard to compete with a person that is 10 years younger and doesn't have anything stopping her because she is single with no kids etc....

I just don't know what to do. I spoke to hubby on the phone and he said the reasons that I left Weight Watchers were right and that I was spending money for nothing and that I know what to do I just have to do it and that is what we are working on at home. So now that made me even more confused... I don't know what I want to do.... sigh

I am feeling really great about the steps diet I am doing as it is a little like Weight Watchers but if I want something naughty I need to do more steps etc to make up for it and it seems sooo simple to me. But I do love the support I get from the ladies at WW too... grrrr

Anyway before I do my head in I am going to go.

I really should be blonde shouldn't I.... ditzy bitch I am.

Love ya
CM

Enjoy the vital energy of the present - 17 December 2006 Sunday

Dec 17, 2006 at 9:04 PM

Had a sleep in this morning and to be quite honest I have felt really really lazy in the last week. I don't want to do any exercise.. is that bad? Sometimes I feel really naughty that I don't want to do any exercise.

Slept in this morning till 9.30 and then read my book for a while and then hubby brought breakfast up it was soo nice to have breaky in bed. Even if the kids came jumping up on the bed.
I think having Sunday as a lay in morning is a great tradition he he he and quite happy that the boys are old enough now to know.

After breakfast we got our helmets on and biked up to the Library and my youngest is getting so good at keeping up with us and it doesn't take us a year to get there. It is 6 kms round trip so that is a long way for the boys. It was really nice going to the library and sitting on the couch while my youngest read me a book and he sounded out the words and didn't always get it right but he has only been going to school for 6 weeks so I was really proud. My oldest went on the library computers to find just the right books for him. He is only 7 and he is reading books like Harry Potter and The Hardy boys etc...

I found some books to sort me out.. because I don't know what I want to do when I grow up and apart from concentrating on the weight loss this year I want to find out what I want to do with my life. I have been in two minds about what I want to do. I want to own a business and preferbly a craft business or I want to be a life coach. I want to help people losing weight to get past all the emotional stuff as I wish I could have had someone to do that. I don't know what to do!! and at this time of year I find myself thinking of what if this and what if that... maybe a life coach is someone that I need to go to he he he but I can't afford it at the moment. Everything is always about money grrr I hate that. The emotional part of losing weight is the hardest part I reckon.

The books I chose were "Finding true north by Micheal Henderson" " Set and achieve your goals by Des Moss" and Choosing Happiness by Sandra Stoddard. I am not too sure if any of them will help but if I decide to be a Life Coach the books can't harm at all I suppose.
I am sooooo liking Vox at the moment. I am glad that I have a different blog name and that I can still write but I am taking time to invite people because I can't seem to trust again. Thanks Kate for being here! I love reading your blog and how you really think about things in your life and how you can improve them...

Went to D's (Friend) place for dinner with the boys (where she is house sitting) and it was really relaxing and we had Apricot curried Chicken and Veges it was sooo yummy. It felt good to be there and we watched a little bit of sky food channel while the boys played with the toys. We then played kids Charades and it was such a hoot. My youngest could play too as there were pictures showing what to do and he was putting up his right hand (finger pointing) in the air and we kept saying sky or helicopter etc and he kept saying no and we gave up and then he looked at us and said "It is a Fire Engine of course" and we just laughed and laughed because he was right he wasn't allowed to make a sound so that was the most logical thing was the lights going round and round and D laughed her head off and so did I.

After Charades we played Jenga and once again laughed our heads off.

Before going out tonight (I was in a bad mood beforehand) I read the book Choosing Happiness and found this excerpt
"Many people are preoccupied with the past or dream of the future, discounting now, the only place where they can enjoy the vital energy of the present"
What a great thing!! So I decided I wasn't going to be in a grumpy mood and I was going to let this new friend D in my life and enjoy being around her because I am not going to let one psycho ex friend ruin it for others when others won't nesecarilly do the same to me.

I got a lovely Xmas card from D saying "Just a short note so that I can try and express how much I appreciate all that you have done for me. Good friends are so special and I thank you all for being my friend. You have welcomed me into your home, listen to me sing (badly he he), feed me, and supported me more than many others have. I look forward to next year and all the adventures, laughs, fun and good times we will share"

I was soooo touched by this card! I would love her to know my new blog but I am not going to let her or anyone in my town know about this blog as I need to have it so I can say what I feel.
So now I am back to blogging I feel soooo happy! It wasn't that I didn't want to blog anymore but for two years I felt like I was finally getting it all out of my mind and on paper (or cyberspace he he) and not keeping it in and the thought of not having it was scaring me.
3 days of work to go till Xmas holidays woohooo.

I should post a picture of my office (or my dungeon like I call it) I just got a new cupboard and re did the room and the kids painted pictures for my walls it is sooo cute.

I am going to take one day at a time and I am going to live a happy one.

I have to chose what I want to do next year..study or buy a business!! Right now while I am writing this I am thinking study! I might check it all out this week.

Thanks for listening Diary
Love Chubbymum

Comments

janene wrote:
Dec 18, 2006 at 2:04 PM
Thanks for inviting me to continue reading your blog, L. I promise to stick to the rules and shall never ever mention the existence of this blog to another living soul... hehehe

I'm glad you decided to carry on blogging, it was a shame that that trollop got the last word in, but this way she doesn't, you can start fresh and chose your readers very carefully this time around.

It sounds like you are in a really good headspace at the moment, despite all that has been happening, so good on you for making the choice to not let it get you down and hold you back, which was no doubt the trollop's intentions!

*hugs*