Day 24 - L Challenge "What are your thoughts"

I have been thinking a lot about weight loss in the last 24 days. I think that is why I am losing is because I am thinking, dreaming, speaking about weight loss and how I am feeling and it has been great but exhausting too.

Have you ever sat down and thought... I know I have lost all this weight but I don't feel different?

I don't feel much different than I did when I weighed 160 kilos apart from I want to do more now. I mean I don't feel like I am different... this is so hard to explain but I want to write it and have you all tell me about your thoughts.

I do feel like I am not invisible anymore but I still feel like me and I think I thought if I lost weight it would be different like euforia (can't spell he he he) or something like that or that I would be different and life would be rosey...

I was told this morning by a lovely person that I am bubbly and outgoing and really easy to like and to be honest I always thought I was bossy and boring and more of an introvert and people didn't notice me or was maybe afraid of me or ashamed of me because I was big. It is really weird to hear someone tell you something that you don't really believe yourself. Not AT ALL saying that this person is lying or that they aren't right just that isn't how I have ever felt about myself.

I don't have that many friends. I have aquaintences but I cannot say I have a best friend that comes around every day I do have what I call a best friend in Wellington who was my bridesmaid.

I always thought that I didn't have a best friend as such because people were ashamed to be around me in the fact that I am big and they are embarrased and maybe that is why people never wanted to go out with me....

I really want to have a friend that I can go out with and shop with and walk with and I so want that but I guess that isn't meant to be. Some people have all the luck and meet their best friend at school and they are so close and keep friends till they are old. I so wished I had that... I so wish that I have that. Or maybe I am too picky? not sure really.

In the last couple of months I have heard opinions on what people think of me and how they see me (all 45 years of me he he he for those who know what the hell I am talking about, I am only 37 on Sunday) and how my blog makes me come across intense but in real life I am bubbly and really easy to talk to... wow... it is really weird.

I find that when I am writing on my blog I am trying so hard to write what I think people will want to read and I try so hard to not make myself sound stupid or uneducated because to tell the truth I have always been an average student.

I don't feel like I am intense but maybe I am aye? (I so know that this post is intense but it is because I don't understand) Or maybe it is that what I come across on here can be read differently... yes yes yes I know everyone he he he this part does sound intense but I sort of want to know how I can be funny? Or be on my blog here what I am like in person? I can't quite work out how I can come across the same as I am in real person... maybe that is my question to you all?

Got my new battery for the car this morning and I was there at 7.45 and the lady said that the mechanics (my brother in law he he he) don't start work till 8am and she said would you like to wait in the waiting room and I said No thank you OMG usually any chance to sit down I would have but this time I said No I will go for a walk and come back. So I walked around the block and it took me 10 minutes and I was so happy with myself that I didn't sit on my butt but got out and walked. I came home and Lyn and I walked the boys to school and home again and then Lyn left for the day.

I went shopping today Woohoooo bought myself some clothes for my birthday as hubby gave me some money.

I brought a pair of three quarter jeans A size 22 woohoooooooo was too chicken to get a size 22 last time I went shopping.

Brought a really nice that mum hated on the hanger but when it got on me she said YOU HAVE to buy that one and it was a 2xl 2xl 2xl 2xl... not a 3xl or a 4xl OMG it felt great. And then another top at Large ARGHHHHHHHHHH (mum hated that one but I like it it is pretty cool but a little see through he he he) and another top that was a 2xl he he he. I have never been able to go on the rack and just buy and not think OMG which is the largest and will the largest actually fit me? So I have two more sizes to get down to being able to go in a different section and try better clothes on with more colours and funkier he he.

So roll on Saturday night!!!

Anyway I have rambled and rambled and rambled tonight.

Chubbymum

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