Dreamhome

Quite disgusted in myself this week.
The only time I was really naughty was at the hen's party but I really can't get it off my mind..
I just don't want to be gaining anymore. I know this has to be a life change but I have not had anything naughty for over a month and I have only lost 2.3kilos in total it just feels sucky.
I know I have to get off my arse and stop complaining at least I have lost that but I don't want to go on for years feeling like I am deprived... that is why I don't ever stick to it.
I didn't do my kick boxing last week but back on tonight and I went for a walk last night. It felt good after I had done it but didn't want to go and do it that is for sure.
Wish there was a miracle pill that would just take it away... yes I know that wouldn't work because if I didn't change my habits it would all just come back on again.
I walk down the road and feel like I am skinny and then when I catch a side glimpse in a window or something I just feel so depressed. I do feel good about myself most days and I do feel like I have beautiful face and I am forever getting compliments on how beautiful my smile is but I want to wear those tank tops and I want to wear shorts so I don't feel so hot in summer. I want people to notice the loss of weight and I know it is only 2.3 kilos but I wish someone would notice it... how can I get to feel good about myself if no one else can see it. I have been told that most people you don't notice they have lost anything till 20 kilos comes off OH MY GOD I am going to be in my 60's before anyone notices.
Yes this is a complainy bitchy post and thank god I have you as my friends because you know what I am going through. OMG FAT QUEEN how do you do it? How did you loose so much weight in such a small space of time.
I looked in our paper for tap lessons and thought that would be an interesting hobbie.. so I have to get the courage up to phone them now he he he
Seems like it will be a big step for me (no pun intended) if I manage to get my backside there.
You don't hear of too many older people taking tap lessons. The other thing I would like to try is Ceroc... now that sounds like another thing I would like to do.
Why is it that some friends you can talk openly too and others you keep things from them (if you haven't guessed I am talking about my BLONDE friend again). I find that I want to tell her everything that is happening in my life but I do know there are things she doesn't tell me either.
I think I am searching for a friend that I can be totally honest with... I did have that friend and she moved away... and I miss her sooo much but we do email and occasionally I go to visit her but she is 8 hours drive away from me. I do want a friend that I can spend time with and talk to openly... I think that is why I have gotten so addicted to this diary is because I can say whatever in it and not fear the repercussions.
You wouldn't believe how many times I tried to get this link to go so you will have to paste into a browser sorry... have no patience today he he he http://tvnz.co.nz/view/tv2_story_skin/469186
This link s a competition that we have here in NZ and my bridesmaid won it out of like 250 people to go on the show with her fiancee (they are in the blue). This is the girl that I can talk to about anything and the did all the stuff from October to December and it films from tonight till April and then they auction the houses off and whoever wins the votes (that viewers at home do) they get to win the house that they did up... My husband and I help out for one weekend and we almost died once we got home (driving there and back 8 hours each way didn't help either). I don't know how they managed for like 6 weeks to do what they did. We only had like 5 hours sleep the whole weekend and was shattered for a week afterwards.
I hope she wins... they live in a 2 bedroom unit with 3 kids under 7 and they deserve to win. They are the kindest most loving couple I have ever met in my life.
Anyway I will stop chattering on.
See ya tomorrow
Chubby Mum
posted on 12:56 p.m.