Private and Upset

I am a little upset with Helena's comment and I know she was saying it to get my butt in to gear and maybe I do bag other people too much. Maybe that is the reason I am fat is because I am a horrible person and blame everyone else for my problems?

I felt like I could say anything on my blog but maybe they are getting tired of my moaning?

I don't want to blog anymore and I know that shouldn't deter me as I have to take constructive critisism but I don't feel like I can say anything when I get comments like that.

Helena's comment was: YOU my darling are creating your own web, I read your post from the other day ... it was debbie this and joy that and kris this and them all doing this and that ... you need to stop worry about every other bugger around the place and put the focus back on YOU. Stop using them as an excuse and get YOURSELF back on track and focussed. Sounds like you had a bloody fabulous family weekend, nice work ... those three men in your life should be all the motivation you need - they are wee stars! *smooch*

I realistically know that she is helping me but it made me feel like a little child and my mother was telling me off once again because I dont' conform to what she wants...

and then ChrisH said this: Ditto to both of the above.... go dye ya hair blonde.... you are acting like one! I too left WW for various reasons. . . then went back 2 weeks ago cos I missed all me mates etc etc.. but the reasons for leaving were still there and I ended up regretting going! Derr, so now I'm not going again ... again... and I AM BLONDE. So there! Have a lovely day tomorrow and get over other people and just do what's right for YOU

I don't think that I was acting blonde... wasn't too happy about how she put it.... like reading my blog was ditzy and that my feelings weren't right and that they were air headed... it isn't what I was trying to get at.

I am angry that Kris seems to take over my life but maybe I am being silly about that... am I doing the same thing with Debbie now? Is that why I can't seem to keep friends? Do I expect that I should always win? Maybe I do expect that?

I have tried today to drink my water and to eat right today and I can keep this up.

Deep down I don't really want to go to Weight Watchers for the right reason just because I am missing the get togethers but I can get that from Rock'n Roll or the friends I already have. I don't want other people to be seeing what I am seeing in Debbie at the moment with all the negativeness and all the moaning and groaning.

How can I make my life to be what I want? I keep asking Jeremy to help but he doesn't realistically know... amd I expecting him to sort out things that I can do myself because when I fail it is because I am trying to get others to help me when I have to help myself and I am not doing that and trying to blame hubby.

He eats the same thing as me... and he is losing but I do have little things here and there that he doesn't and that is what my downfall is. I am going back to eating chocolate and chips and dips and crap and not drinking my water and trying to fool myself that I am doing everything possible to loose this weight when I am not.