Keep writing

Mar 9, 2007 at 6:30 PM

I am trying to make an effort to write each day about what is happening because I do feel better when I let it all out.

I had an email from a lovely person yesterday that made me think! It was about Kris and she mentioned a couple of things and I have been thinking that in the last couple of weeks since the morning tea I have felt better about the situation and that I am happy with my decision not to get involved with her as a friend anymore. She also mentioned that maybe she thought I was afraid of her and I didn't think so when I read it but after some thought I have to agree I am scared of her. She turned my world upside down in a short period of time and if she had more access to my life and my feelings that she did then it could have been worse. It has changed my whole concept of trust!! I am not sure if I mean concept of trust or hmmmm... I am scared to trust people as much anymore for fear of it turning on me.

I am like that at the moment with Debbie.... and I know it frustrates her and I have explained the situation and another friend has to her as well... that I am taking it slow with friends because of the trust thing blowing up in my face with Kris... and I back off when I am feeling pressured... I quite often feel like Debbie pressures me in to doing something and I try and make an excuse to get out but the excuse has to be right with her and I have to explain why I am not going to do something or what I am doing instead and sometimes I just want to say NO because I don't want to do it. Why do I do it? I just want to say Oi back off you are being pushy but I don't... I just find excuse after excuse and end up backing out of the friendship.

Debbie and I are different... for one thing she is 8 years younger and is single and can do things by herself but I have a family and kids and a huge mortgage and I don't want to be doing half the things she does and to be quite honest I have done it and now I am on a different path in my life but I am not sure she gets that. I do like spending time with her but she isn't number one in my life my family is and I have explained this to her but I do still get the feeling that she thinks I am saying no because I don't like her etc which isn't really the case it is just I prioritise things differently from her because of my family.

I love spending time with my husband and my kids!!! I love just being and watching tv and knowing that I don't have to say anything to hubby and just be and it makes me happy. We are comfortable in each others pressence and I sometimes don't like it when people talk during shows on the tv etc because it just bugs me... and he knows that.

Wow I am rambling on tonight.

In a nutshell I like having Debbie as a friend but I have to find a way to balance it to let her know that it isn't that I don't like her but I don't want to spend every second day with her...
I haven't thought about it before and always thought I was an extrovert and sometimes I am around my friends but most of the time I prefer my own company and I like being in an office by myself... Maybe it is a Virgo thing?

Anyway....

I get my business cards on Tuesday (have I mentioned that before he he he) and I got my printer today WOOHOOOOO I got my printer today do a little dance, do a little dance. It is big and fast and does colour and black and white and when the kids are in bed tonight hubby and I are going to be doing some printing and I cannot wait.

Went to my PT session with Joy today and I did the following
15 minutes on the bike
15 minutes on the treadmill and every second minute running on the treadmill. I am feeling so much better than I did when I first started running and my knee has not been giving me trouble.
1500 metres on the rower
4 sets of 20 situps
4 sets of having a swiss ball between my legs and bringing my legs together so I use my thigh muscles OMG
4 sets 20 of rubber band on my ankles and doing leg raises and after that I felt the burn OMG on each leg
15 minutes on the cross trainer and every second minute she would put it up to level 5 for a minute then back down to level 1 OMG OMG my legs were so so so sore afterwards

But that is ok that she made me work hard because I over ate last night as we went out with our boys to a Mongolian Restaurant and I had to plates ARGHHHHH but it was yummy.

It was interesting talking to Joy today... she asked if I was still blogging and I said No straight out... I said No because I don't want any of them to know I am blogging and I certainly don't want Kris to know I am still blogging.

I said I do comment on peoples blogs because I love keeping in contact... she said "It is better that you don't have a blog and I am so happy that you don't anymore... look at the trouble that happened last time" I said "No it wasn't my blog that was the trouble it was Kris causing trouble that was the trouble and she just looked at me and said "yes I agree with that as well". She said you have improved since not blogging and I thought to myself a load of shit because I am still blogging and I am doing better now... I turned to her and said "I am doing better because I don't have Kris in my life anymore" and she said "yes I can see that too". It annoyed me because my blog is the best thing in my life... it gets things out and it makes me look at things and sort my life out. But that is ok because I now know that I don't tell anyone around me here about it and I need to be careful who I entrust with reading it but it is still for me and anyone that doesn't like what I write doesn't have to read anyway.

It was a good workout anyway but now I have to realise that I cannot talk about blogging and my life because it isn't worth the trouble when it is people at the gym and school... as long as I have my family and blogging then I am happy.

Got my printer today he he he did I mention it he he he

Went for my coffee with the school mums today (as it has been a fortnight woohoooo) it was good talking and the hour went so so so so fast but it was enjoyable. I am glad we started this.. there is 5 of us and we get on like a house on fire. We were talking about one of them's business that they are getting into as husband and wife and she is quitting her job and we talked about neighbours that are causing problems and about things other than kids once again it was marvellous... sat outside in the sunshine and had our coffee and frappes and I felt like the rich he he he not that I am by any means.

Anyway did I mention I got my new printer today he he he

Have a good night everyone

Comments

Lynise wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 6:54 PM
hi ya,
Hope everything smooths out with Debbie as good friends are such an added bonus in life and although you might not be at exactly the same place in your lives its great to come together with friends who care. One of my best friends is only 24 years old. I met her at my old work and dispite us being polar opposites we get along great and are able to have some great laughs together.
I guess alot of people may wonder what on earth we have in common as she is quite a bit younger then me, is from India, is Muslim, and is quite restricted in where her husband will allow her to go. (yes, you did read that right) but we get along great. I think friendship is about finding someone whose company you enjoy, and who you trust and respect. Each friendship will be unique as no other friendship will ever be the exact same mix. You definitely shouldn't have to make excuses as 'no I really don't feel like it' should be enough. (comes back the other person respecting your decisions.)
Hope your having a great day. Keep smiling.
PS: Just wondering when you are getting your printer, I havn't heard you mention it for a while. :-)

Celtic Girl wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Wanting to be alone is definately a Virgo thing, I'm the same. Your friend Debbie, really should realise your family is numero uno in you life.Also, congrats on getting your new printer!!

Chris H wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 10:51 PM
Yes woman, you did mention you got your new printer.... WOOO HOOO... OK? As for friends, and the boundaries, you have to set them where you are comfortable.... I understand this 110%. I only have a very few close friends, the ones I know I can trust 10% with anything I tell them. And they are the ones that I can say "Piss of now, I want some peace" to and they don't take offense! They are few and far between mate.... Don't let Debbie badger you into anything you don't want, be it spending time with you, confiding in, etc. You have the right to do whatever the hell you like, you are in control of your life. As for Joy, she sounds like a friggin know it all, who will say whatever she thinks you want to hear....strange person. I wouldn't trust her, she sounds suss to me. Shit, I shouldn't be so condemming of someone I have never met ...... nasty me. Have a bloody wonderful weekend girl!

pink-elephants wrote:
Mar 9, 2007 at 11:08 PM
hey there my friend I just wondered has your printer arrive yet hehehe
u sound so up its great
blow the trainer and blogs I THINK BLOGGING IS GOOD as u said it wasn;t the blog that was the problem.
You said I would be losing because of my exercise girl u run rings around me i wouldn't be able to keep up with u your doing fantastic keep it up kiddo
Hugs