Thoughts inspired by Bob and Oprah Winfrey

I basically have access to a computer mostly everyday... so I thought I would start writing how I am feeling about food. I have been reading Oprah Winfry and Bob's book (I got it off trademe woohoo) and it makes sense and with the past couple of days of CRAP food!!! which I cannot understand why I would do it as it wasn't that good.

I was feeling quite depressed about the Crap feeling of how much I had eaten this weekend that I texted my trainer and she said she would phone.. so sometime today it will happen (as this lady is soooo busy) but I am pleased that I txted her because then it made me think WTF... ya know!!

What am I doing to myself? Why can't it be easier.. I read the other day about a lady that lost 30 kilos in 30 weeks and all I could think of was BITCH!!! how could she loose that.

I emailed my hubby about whether I should give up Weight Watchers for 6 weeks and his reply was "Its worth a crack & it’ll probably help if you pick one horse & ride it for a bit rather than jumping between two like you have the last few weeks(meaning Crusher and Weight Watchers)"

The jumping and trying to make both fit is doign my head in quite frankly and I think that is why I felt like I binged in the weekend.

Anyway I will update later.. I just needed to write it down as I have to get ME sorted.

Chubbymum

It took me till 12.00 today to realise it. I was all prepared to get my backside in the car and go to the shop and get a V and something nice to eat.. WHY??? I don't need them and I didn't feel like it. So I parked on the side of some factory shops and read the Oprah Winfrey book and thought that this Bob guy is SOOO on to it and it is what my trainer says as well.

I am proud that I didn't go and get the other food. I can't say I am proud of my food today but after lunch it has made me more determined.

I have a problem with bread.. it is easier for me for breakfast and for lunch that sometimes I just want it.

Well today's food

Breakfast
2 Toast
Left over roast beef
(eaten on the way to work as I was late)

Morning Tea
Protein bar (because nothing in the fridge satisfied my crap craving)

Lunch
2 Roast Beef Sandwiches.

So basically started off bad.. but!!!! Yep there is a BUTT!!!

I have thought about dinner it is going to be a skinless chicken salad (homemade)... with lettuce, tomato, onion, mushroom, pickles, cottage cheese (low fat of course), sunflower seeds, pumpkins seeds and low fat dressing...

I was really proud of myself 2 weeks ago when I started the No Count and then when I gained the MEASLEY 100 grams it put me off.. it made me feel that with all the hard work I still gained and it got me the wrong way. I CANNOT let this beat me!! I just can't.

I know ladies I have said this so much in the last 6 months but I have come to think this is a lifestyle change and all in all I would have gone out and made it worse but I didn't today.. and that is a change. I haven't brought takeaways in such a LONGGGG time and I hated myself for the whole weekend because of it and really it was making me worse.

I just want this so bad!!!

I am considering leaving Weight Watchers and totally putting my hands in Crusher's care with the exercise and helping me with the food.... but I am scared... I have such great support from Weight Watchers but I just feel like the habit of WW is not enough anymore and I need to change something to make it work.

Sometimes I feel that I am with Weight Watchers because I want it to be known that I have lost all this weight with them and one day I will be in the magazine.. but is that really enough of a reason to stay with them?

I don't know what to do!! I am sooooo torn with this!!

I focus on the weight and not on the fact that in the last couple of weeks doing the PT sessions with Crusher has made me more confident in myself than I have been in a while.. I agree with Crusher in the fact that I should take the focus off the scales and focus on the overall centimetres lost and my health.. it is just hard to change that focus!! It is really hard to give up a support system that I have had for a year and a half and try something new... what if I go back to gaining the weight again and get right back up to 153.7 kilos or more again...

UPDATE:

Decided to get out of my mood and to get my butt to the gym. In the Oprah/Bob book it says to work out at a level 7 or 8 and that you should be sweating and also to work at that level for 20 to 30 minutes.. WEELLLL tonight I went to the gym... quite bloated and moody and worked my butt off.

Bike: 15 minutes level 3 rpms 90 (1 minute full on and 1 30 secs easy)
Treadmill: 10 minutes at 5.5 even though my trainer said I could do level 6. The reason being I wanted to push myself on that and do an incline of 3.
Rower: 10 minutes sort of racing against my hubby as he was doing it beside me.
Cross Trainer 10 minutes with my arms... woohooo only 3 more to go to get Crusher walking with 50 kilos on her back (poor thing).
Crunches4 x 20 situps...
Arm Weights 4 x 15

I look back on it and think God that isn't much but I worked it to at least a 7 on my scale today wohoooo.

Came home and had a really nice Chicken Salad... sooo full now.
Love CM