Moody

It's weekend.

Today has been an emotional day. It is my mum and dad's 52nd wedding anniversary... well if he was still alive it would have been. My mum is coping a little better than I thought but you can see she has been crying all while I was at work. I don't know how to help her other than spending time with her and trying to keep her occupied. I wish I could bring him back but I can't. I dream about it and would dearly love it to be that he would turn up but I know after 5 years it isn't going to happen.

Went to work today and there is still this air about that there are jobs hanging but no one knows anything. There is a big meeting with the whole Department on the first week of June so hopefully we will find out then. I have been fretting about loosing my job all week and have come to the conclusion (yeah it took me a week ho hum) that I can't do anything about it and they have to give me 4 weeks notice or pay me for them and then get the redundancy money on top of that so hey I can look for another job and if not I don't know... but I can't control it so I have to go with it and maybe I can have a week off or so just to get myself together.

My eating this week has been ok. I have only eaten one thing that I shouldn't have and that was a Kahlua Cheesecake piece but then I didn't eat it all either. I saved points for the day to have it so I didn't go over in the points.

Didn't go to the gym like I should have last night. I was in a bitch! I mean I was not in the mood at all... I was in a mean mood. I had BLONDE over for dinner still as it was arranged and not fair for me to pull out and then she has to find dinner, it wouldn't be fair.

Was supposed to go over to TGirls for cross stitch and watch tv but I was not good company after BLONDE and her son with this horrible toy she brought him. I swear that boy gets a new toy every day.... she thinks that buying the child anything he likes is going to make him more disiplined... he gets what he wants because she uses it as a bribe... NOTTTT GOOD.

Thank you everyone for all your lovely comments... keep it coming I really love reading them. I am almost to that first 10 kilos... it has taken me a while but I will get there.

One of the mums in my son's class is doing weight watchers and started 2 weeks before me and has lost 18 kilos... Oh I wish I had lost that much but figure that I didn't put on fast so I cannot assume I will take it off fast. They say slowly but surely, and hey it is coming off no matter what and I am ok with that. I got to the stage that anyone that had lost more than me I would fret about it... but I am not going to fret anymore. They aren't me and I want to keep this off forever so it will take me a while to get used to the lifestyle change... but I am going to get used to this.
I am enjoying feeling good in my clothes and my thighs feel good... not rubbing together like they used to do. Don't feel like I have to stretch my tops to make them feel good. 10 kilos is a lot but not enough to get me in to the good weight.

Sometimes I sit there and wonder how I let myself get so big. I know I didn't care that I was putting on weight as I was happy in my life and in me... but was I... think I might write in here about some of the things that I think I was thinking... but not in today's entry in later ones.

Thanks for listening

ChubbyMum