Confusion

Weekend went sooo fast you wouldn’t believe and when I sit here thinking what on earth I did…. I cannot even remember.

Saturday we didn’t really get to sit around doing nothing but found that we didn’t do much at all he he he he he. Oh that is it! Went and took QSon to get his second meningitis shots (poor wee man) and then went home and did things around the house as we were going out to TGirl’s place for dinner. It was a great night and the dinner was sooo yummy. The boys watched rugby he he he such an addiction with males huh.

Sunday we had a little sleep in till 8.30am and then had breakfast and read some books (kids included it was sooo nice) and then at 10.30 their grandmother picked them up to take them out on a steam train. They were sooo excited. We were too he he he wink wink. It was lovely we went for a walk around the lake and it took 50 minutes and we were going a really nice pace… I must admit I hate going for a walk when I feel like I have to go to fast.. I think I would end up hating going for a walk. I also think it doesn’t help my knee as I am all tensed up. The way I see it is if I go for a walk that is better than sitting at home and it is exercise whether you are going fast or slow. What I am worried about is going to hard and then ruining it by stuffing up my knee.

Went to BLONDE’s new boyfriends place for dinner last night. He owns a entertainment business and so he put up a big bouncy (adults size) castle in his front yard and my two boys and hubby and BLONDE and B’s boyfriend and her son got on it… it was such a laugh and I couldn’t stop laughing and giggling and neither could the boys. I felt like I was 5 again and had so much fun that my tummy muscles were given a right old go he he he.

Dinner I cannot say was that great (fattening is what I mean)… he was sooo naughty with everything and I could tell. Which quite a thing when I really like everything that he made but there was not a good thing on the list apart from peas he he he he. The dessert was sooo deadly that it probably would take 5 weeks to get off he he he.

But we had fun and in a way it was great that we took the kids as we got there at 5pm and left at 8pm and that was enough for me that is for sure. I just wanted to strangle BLONDE’s son by the time I got out that it was a good time to leave… OMG that boy is the most spoilt son of a sea fearing lizard I have ever met in my life and I wanted to take him over my knee and give a good old walloping.

If he cried or whimpered…she gave in like you wouldn’t believe and the new boyfriend is lavishing him in presents that it will get worse as he will never have anything that he can look forward to as he gets it all. He will not be able to sit still and do something as simple as read a book because he is stimulated by fun things so much. Yes it is good to give kids fun and our boys have lots of it but too much is going to be hard to beat. For a three year old he has done everything even a helicopter ride I mean… how are they going to beat that every birthday… and will his birthdays be special when he has everything 5 kids would want in one place?

I am not in such a bad and depressed mood this week… Last week was a nightmare for me and I just lost all umph for doing this. I know I still want to loose this weight that is not a problem but I think after the Wellington trip I didn’t have the energy to keep the next faze going as my friend had noticed the difference… my next goal is September and having my brother in law notice so hey I have to get my backside in order.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and so I still have this feeling that I am going to gain but then I will get my BIG backside up and out those doors and do the exercise and stop eating the wrong things… as I could have said no last night to the deadly dessert but I didn’t or even didn’t eat all of it or something but I didn’t so really I have no one to blame but myself.

I am not satisfied with my life at the moment. I cannot even pin point what it is that I don’t like. I mean I have it all. I have a great husband and great kids and I do have friends but feel like I am doing everything for everyone else and not for me.

I tend to sit back and not tell people what I am thinking. I miss my friend Aro from Wellington she listens… I mean I just want someone to listen for a change.. I listen to others so much that all I want is to talk and not get interrupted or this daze that says to me “yeah I don’t really want to listen as I have done that before”

In today’s society people don’t listen anymore. They think they do but they aren’t hearing what someone is saying. I don’t want my life to be a competition on who is the richest or the smartest or has the best kids or is skinnier… I am tired of that.. the comparing is not me and every time I start comparing or others do it gets me down.

I had a big talk with hubby on our walk yesterday and broke down and cried as it was all getting on top of me. I miss having someone to talk to that will listen to me… and that knows me and doesn’t care whether they have the perfect life or is skinnier or brighter or prettier or more creative. Just to sit down and talk about life in general or to say hey I have had a bad day or I have had the most fantastic day…

So I suppose that is why I come in here to say things that I need to… so people have no choice but to listen (read) and if they don’t like it then they can not read on.

Anyway it is all jumbled now… don’t even know if I got what I wanted out or not but anyway.
ChubbyMum