Confession

I have to say thanks to Chris for the blogging about her weight loss as it has given me the kick I needed to get back on track.

Back in 2005 to 2008 we did so well as weight loss bloggers.

In 2008 I went in to a hole and gained 20 kilos back.  I started blogging again last year and had a major anxiety attack about it all when people started commenting and I gave ups AGAIN

I MEAN REALLY!!!!!! what the hell is wrong with me.

I worked so hard to get the weight off and I felt like a failure gaining back up to 140.6 kilos.  So that was last July and I am 141.7 kilos today.  I suppose the consolation is that I only gained 900 grams in almost a year but the downside is that I haven't lost in that year.

Chris has this great idea with marbles that I might steal (should have asked first Chris) but the visual made me think wow... such a great idea and maybe that will work for me.

I have a goal to get to 119 kgs by November 2015 ARGHHHHHH that is 22.7 kg's in 6 months.  The reason I want to lose that by November is that it is our 20th Wedding anniversary and J has asked if I want to renew our vows and have our special friends and family to a small ceremony and then go out to dinner.

HELL YES... 20 years married is huge deal nowadays as there are so many divorces.  I have been with J for 26 years this June but 20 years married this November and I want to wear a beautiful dress and feel pretty.

When I lost the weight previously my mum was in good health and I was a part time worker and had two little boys.  Now my boys are almost 14 and 16 and it is time to think of me and J.

My mum in 2008 found out she had diabetes and then we went through a cancer scare because of some tests (but it wasn't thank god) with her thinking that also she  might have kidney problems and life just got too hard for me.  I started having anxiety attacks and doing stupid things like avoiding anything that had to do with Dr's or medical things.  I was driving the long way around places to avoid seeing Dr surgery's.... it was stupid and I know in my head even back then it was stupid.

I cut everyone and everything out of my life.

I can't do that anymore.  I found losing weight is so much easier when you are doing it with others and supporting others and if you do then both of you benefit.

So there you have it.