Letting it all out!!

Wanna you are toooo funny!!! I had just got on the computer and thinking about updating when the email came in with your comment... he he he LOVE YA!!!

Anyway.... came in to work today and since I have been avoiding going to the doctor I made an appointment. I found a lump under my arm and was quite worried about it... and so in the last week my weight loss and everything else has been put on the back burner because as you know I always think the worst aye!!!

Anyway so went this morning... just left a note on my desk at work saying... gone to doctor don't know if I will be back. But I came back he he he.

Had my armpit inspected and I have a gland up and also one of the folicals got infected EWWWW I can hear you all say but it was pretty damn scary to me that is for sure. I have had a cancer scare before and with my Dad and all his cancer problems before he died I was fretting but hey the fretting was for nothing ... and now I have antibiotics for a fortnight because she said she wants to eliminate it totally wooohoooooooo.

I shouldn't keep to myself when things like that happen but it is instinct that I do I think.

I had a sneak preview on the scales this morning thinking that it will be up because of all my stressing etc but it is the same... so ya never know I might loose a little bit by weigh in tomorrow or stay the same and happy with that...

GEESH is this getting to be a habit with me happy to stay the same or gain a little... THIS SUCKS big time and I have to get my head in a better space and sort MY SHIT out....

I don't want to give up!! But I do in a way.... sick of trying trying trying ya know. It isn't like I have given up eating healthy food and doing my exercise as I am still doing 4 days a week of exercise and iti s sweating exercise not just a little stroll down the road ya know.

I have to find one book and stick to it. Or one plan and stick to it. I am reading Helena's bible at the moment and I am thinking it makes sooo much sense so I do feel it is great but then I can't get my head out of pointing either and thinking about doing the online WW too... I can't make up my mind. I don't know whether I am wanting to do the online WW because it is familiar or I am too scared to try something different or what really... quite confused about that. I do realise you are all going through the same thing too but sometimes I just want someone to say Oi this is what you are doing and this is what you are going to stick at and you are going to loose an amazing amount of weight!!!!

Life sucks with weight loss like this!!!

Went to my friends place last night (the one that the other half left) and we had a good chat and she had a cry and so did I. My hubby went (it is his friend that was her other half) and he said the most adorable things to her last night that we are there for her and she said she doesn't want to ruin their friendship and that if G said to stop seeing her then he should do it... and my hubby said "well... (he paused) I don't think I would think too much of him if he put me in that situation because I shouldn't have to choose and if he told me I had to then really he isn't a friend is he because I have opinions of my own and the way he is treating his kids goes against all that I believe in" OMG I had tears in my eyes when he said that and she just looked at him and didn't say anything I think she was scared she was going to cry again.

So anyway after we left there the kids were in the back (now remember they are only 5 and 7) and my 7 year old said 'why isn't uncle G living there anymore?"
and I said "why do you ask"
he said "Adam was upset and said that his Dad isn't living at home anymore"
and I said "Uncle G doesn't live there anymore because he doesn't love Aunty P anymore but still loves Adam and Brianna but it is best that he doesn't live there anymore"
He went quiet and said "Brianna was crying and said that boys don't like her anymore and that her dad doesn't either" and my son said he didn't know what to say to her.

I said to him that he needs to show her that not all boys do not like her and that you will be there for her and Adam as a friend and he said "yes that is a good idea mum" I will tell her next time I see her.... my youngest was saying that he didn't like seeing them both cry.

My husband just squeezed my hand and I cried (trying not to let the kids hear me).... so I think if G does come around that my hubby will be telling him what the kids are saying to each other because P has said it to him but he might be thinking that she is causing trouble and trying to make him feel bad ya know... but now that the kids are saying it to our kids we know it isn't her being mean to G.

I don't quite understand how you can love someone so much and then all of a sudden treat them like crap and not tell them why... she doesn't understand because a week beforehand they were hugging and sorting out their future etc but now he is treating her like she has done like something really bad. Why do people do that? She can't move on because she doesn't know what she has done wrong for it to go like this.

He took $1,000 out of their Visa too and I said to her she needs to stop the Visa because he has stopped his wages going in and said to her he is using the Visa to live on... but she is paying for it. He even phoned and got the hotpoints put over to him as well. Then he got mad because she closed the Visa... damn she did the right thing... he can't expect to get something for nothing aye.

Anyway enough of my rambling... it clears my head so that I don't fret about it ya know... and I do need to know that what I am feeling is right and that I am backing up the right person ya know...

Love ya all
Chubbymum