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Had a shit day at work today.......

Decided to deal with the problem by just walking out today at 11 am and not going back for a while. 

Usually I just take it and that is that but NOPE.... I am worth more than that shit!!!! I know this for sure and just got up grabbed my keys and walked out.  Felt empowering.

Got texts galore from work mates because they know how hard I work and why I was pissed off today.

Was angry most of the day. 

I did well for lunch and afternoon tea and didn't go for the naughty food but tonight had chocolate biscuits OMG and didn't realise what I was doing until it was too late but I now realise it.  At least I didn't keep going and going and going.

Sick of feeling like I am the person everyone gets to do things because they know I will do it and do it well and then THEY TAKE KUDOS I mean F(*(*&(*&(*&(*K me

Sorry had to get it out somewhere.

Weekend went too fast

I feel like I am getting back in to the swing of my mind not stuffing me up.

When I was losing the weight years ago it seemed easier but I don't think it was easier I just had a focus and then I somehow lost the focus.

I have to get back in to the habit of tracking, exercise and blogging and things will get better.

My focus today is getting myself down before June next year when we are going away to Raratonga with some friends.  It was supposed to be November but now with Quinn going to California representing NZ with inline hockey we can't really afford it.

One of the mums at the rink said she wants to go to Rarotonga so we thought we might get a whole lot of couples together and do this.  Looking forward to it.  The mum is the same build as me so I know I am not going to be the only chubby one there but I don't want to be chubby anymore.  I want to lose at least 20 kilos before June 2019 so that gives me 57 weeks to loose this.

• Now - 29 April 2018 = 144 kgs
• In 57 weeks - 1 June 2019 = 115.5 kgs if I lose 500 grams a week every week

Wow 115.5 kgs I haven't been in such a long long long time.  

Tracked food all day and walked the dog and had a good sleep.  I find if I am not sleeping properly I don't eat well and I am a miserable person to be around.

Above pictures are of us walking around the river tonight at 5.30.  There was a beautiful sunset and Charlie our dog loved the walk.  I wanted to push it tonight so went faster than normal.  It took us 37 minutes and my watch said that 27 minutes were vigorious woohooooo.  Kept my heart rate up and going to burn this lard off.

Corbin was cooking us dinner and Quinn is at a coaching meeting tonight.  Spend most of the weekend making signs for fundraising for Quinn's trip in 6 weeks time.  So much money we have to come up with.

I have sold 4 so far and I have 10 orders for ones the size of the bottom photo.  

Feel good about my food and exercise achievements today. I am doing the Weight Watchers online program and I am going to try and see how many blue dots I can get.

Had my hair cut today as it was getting too thick but I was loving the length and so told the hair dresser but she cut it too short again.  It takes so long for my hair to grow and I am wanting to grow it again.

I hope you are all doing well.

Chubbymum

Quinn passed his restricted wohoooo

Feeling less anxious today. 

Travelling for work today and had a great day as well.

Went out with 9 of my workmates tonight and had a girly night it was fanbloodytastic.  We went to the movies and watched "I feel pretty" it was funny as and also a little sad but we had a blast watching it.  I think sometimes it is great to get out with some friends and forget about the worlds troubles or anxiety's.

Quinn went for his restricted licence this afternoon and passed OMG the second son now has his licence and wants to get out lol.  I am so proud of him.  He made me take him out at 10.30 last night just to practice parallel parking as he was worried.  I don't know why he was he is a good driver.

I just don't know how blessed I am to have the best husband and great sons and my great mother.  In life some people have no one but I have it all and sometimes don't realise how well off I am.

Night Night
CM

Representing New Zealand in California 2018

Thanks Jaxx & Janine for commenting

Jaxx am I allowed to see your new blog?  Would love to support you

Janine I hope you are doing well.
................................................................................................

I have been away for a week with work for the week and it is always disruptive to my eating and I can't work out how to combat that.  I did try not to over eat and tried to eat healthier than I normally would.

Quinn has also been selected to be in the NZ Inline Hockey team to represent NZ in California in 7 weeks time so stressing about getting quite a lot of money together before that OMG I don't know how we are going to do that.  Yep so that is the eating not going well with stressing about that now.

Quinn playing Inline Hockey (bottom left)

I am so proud of him getting to represent New Zealand.  He is doing so well and grown up so fast. 

I am proud of both my boys...

Charlie is not happy that Corbin is not sharing lol

I tried healthy choice today.  Decided that I need to go back to basics and that I can't just take everything away.... it doesn't work because if it did then I would be skinny wouldn't I.  So trying to point my day whether it is good or bad and get some exercise and then I can start refining it later.

Blogging is missing in my life.  Making connections to keep me on track and me reading blogs to keep them going is what is missing.  So let's do this together.  Come and say hello so I can read your blog and do the same

Let's lose this weight and keep it off and learn how to be happy.

Love Chubbymum

Snackies & Representing NZ

Hey bloggers

This was my dinner last night.  It is hard to do dinner (well a neck chop casserole) without carbs.  It soaks up the juice etc.  It was still good with Cauliflour, Carrots, Broccoli and tomato.  It was really filling

Couldn't sleep this morning as I had so many things going around in my head.  I needed to get to work to get ready for Monday morning as I am travelling for work and wanted to make sure I did all my printing.  I love my job but the travel does do my head in. I have a 5 hour drive on Monday and then come back Thursday.  

I think the problem I have is when I don't prepare so I get the quick and easy.  

Picture below are my snacks for the first couple of days so that I am prepared. 

Carrots, tomatoes, chicken strips, cauliflower, pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds.  Hummus is in the fridge.

Great breakfast of one slice of sour dough bread, 2 eggs, 2 chicken strips.  Kept me full for longer

Went in to work to sort things out and put in my car for the workshop and then hubby and I went for a 5.5 km bike ride and it took us 20 minutes.  I was so proud of myself.  I know that others would do this faster but for me it was hard with my bad knees and it being windy (almost rained but it didn't today).

Took Corbin, Quinn, Mum and Jeremy out for lunch today and I wanted the fish n chips so much but decided to go for the seafood chowder which was warming and filling.  I know it was a wonderful choice but better than the rest of the choices of pizza and things slathering in mayonnaise or chips or cooked in oil

Went to KMart and got some prizes for my workshop and brought some clothes and shoes for the boys as they like some things while out shopping. 

Corbin gone out to play snooker with friends and so happy that he isn't the shy introverted guy anymore and it getting out with new friends since he has been studying Electrical Engineering

Quinn has gone out to Inline Hockey practice (there 6 days a bloody week lol)

OMG I am so proud of Quinn he got chosen back in February for the New Zealand Training Squad and had to train to see who was chosen to go to California to represent New Zealand in Inline Hockey as a Inline Fern and last week he got notice that he has been chosen for the travelling team.  

He is stoked but still hasn't made up his mind if he is going.  He is tossing up about the money and that it is for 3 weeks and it is almost $5000 and he feels that he would rather have a car that will last him longer especially since we have only known since February and he hasn't had enough time to save before going in June.  I said to him it is up to him as I am not going to be the one that he blames later on if he doesn't take up this opportunity.  He is 16 years old and it has to be his decision.  I am so proud of him though.  

I have been so good in the last 3 days with tracking on WW online and at the start I was 145.7 kgs and today I am 143.9 OMG.  I think the problem with what I was doing before hand was because I was eating enough but making sure I was eating zero points to fill myself up.

Keto

Work friend has been doing Keto for a week and has lost 3.4 kilos.  I mean that is fantastic woohooo but wow that is a lot in a week.

She has suggested that I do it to.  I am in such a quandary about it all as I have been stagnant for 2 years and stayed the same weight.... yeah that is great I have stayed the same but stayed the same at 144.4 kgs is not good at all.

Somewhere along the way I lost my ability to keep it off.  My lowest was 118 point something and that was still heavy but getting back to 144.4 kgs is stupid!!!! I did all that hard work and I met some great people and did some great things and now I am up almost to my highest weight.

I don't know what to do.  Jeremy said yes you do know what to do.  Well I suppose I do.  Get back on Weight Watchers F&*k everyone else and just do it.

So that is what I am going to do.  Blogging last time worked for me and I met some great people and I can meet some great people again. 

Today's weight is 144.4kgs.... the reason I am putting that on here is because when I keep my weight loss on the side bar and I change it and then years later I go back to my posts and I don't actually know what my weight was.

I have to get back in to the discipline of posting on here to keep me motivated.

I travel a lot in my job now and next week I am travelling to Whanganui which is like 5 hours from home.  I get quite scared travelling alone.... not about people but about what I am going to eat and I tend to go for the easy because I can't be bothered.  The motels don't have the right cooking facilities so I just F&*&k it up.

Since gaining the weight back again I have lost so much confidence.  I get anxiety and feel like I am not going to achieve this and then I give up.

I am going to try to keep my blog going again.  If you are out there reading I would love some support and I will support you in return.  I need some weight loss buddies to get my journey started again.