So many things in this post

A work mate of mine that hasn't been with us long I am finding is a great influence on me.  

She is eclectic... I think that is what you call her.  I love that she is.  I love that she is different and that she is true to herself no matter what others say.  I look at my clothes and wish I was more pretty.  I put on the clothes and look in the mirror and I think I feel pretty and then I get to work and catch a glimpse in the front door (as it is glass) or the mirror in the toilet at work and I feel so fat and so frumpy.

My work mate is in to the pinup clothing like the photo below:

I am not saying that I want to wear this clothing but I am saying I want to feel pretty and I want others to think that I am pretty.

She is a year older than me and has only realised in the last couple of years what she likes and goes and gets it.

So what I want is not to be skinny but to be happy.  I was happy at 119 kgs and maybe I could get down to 99 kgs but I want to feel that vibrancy again.

I went out today and brought myself a Garmin Vivosmart as my fitbit just was not helping because I put it on my bra and then it went through the wash and ruined it.  I have brought 2 of them grrrrr and it is costing me too much.  So this time I went with a Garmin.  Only had it today but it is so cool it does my steps and sleep patterns and also controls my music on phone and texts that come through I can read them.

It makes me get up when it sees that I have been sitting too long.

I want to make a better me but I don't want to be skinny.  I have to get my head right.

I know I have to get my head right... I know this.... but how to I don't know.... I can't seem to stop myself from eating terrible things at work.  

I think maybe my self esteem is just too low that I can't work it out.  I need to find a way to turn me around.

My first two steps are to track and to do at least 6000 steps a day.  Doing 6,000 steps is hard with my job and I work like 60 hours a week.

Ohhhh forgot to say that my work FINALLY got me on to this project I have been wanting to do.  I thought one lady was stopping it but she wasn't and for 8 months she said she has been trying to get me on her team.  This new opportunity is going to really make me know things that others don't and make me maybe a little indispensable.  

First I have to audit this new part of our company and see if two workers there are worth being there and if they are doing the right thing.  I have to work out their systems so that I can train others in another part of New Zealand so that I have the knowledge to change others the right way.  I know that is confusing but I cannot say what it is.....

So.... the only problem is that I lose some of my work to hmmmmm not so competent people and that is doing my head in and some of the admins are not happy that I am losing them.  But I need this challenge... 

Ok ... so I need to work out how to take on this work challenge and also to lose this weight and also to have time with my family as I am not balancing that well right now.

• Work
• Kids
• Hubby
• Mum
• Crafts
• Eating right
• Exercise
• Dog
• Friends
• Blogging

Need to think about how I can balance my life.

Night night

CM

Keep on tracking on lol

Better today with tracking and I even had points left over to be able to make a bread and butter pudding as we hadn't had a dessert in ages.

I tracked.  I pointed and I knew what I was eating today..... soooo great feel better.

Thanks for you comment yesterday Tracy. You made me think about things and that I need to stop and move on and stop dwelling about my mistakes and I did.

Work was ok and really busy as it is one of the three times a year we are really busy and life gets hectic.

I need to make sure I track what I am going to be eating before I eat because when I am rushed that is when I am making bad choices.

I want to be looking and feeling happier for our 20th wedding anniversary in November.  I need this.

Hope everyone is doing well.
Chubbymum

Sucking....

Stopped blogging and feel guilty.  Feeling guilty because with such a full on weekend with Q and his inline games the food sucked I didn't care and I should have cared.

How do I get back to caring. I want to eat these terrible fast foods but when I do I realise that is wasn't as good as I thought it was.

I have been reading Sean back when he started losing the weight again realise that other people have lost weight and gained it and managed to lose it again.

Why is it that some people can eat anything but they don't gain yet I do the same and I gain like thousands of kilos.

I don't have any goals and keep trying to make them but there is nothing I am passionate about to lose the weight for.

I suck at this at the moment.

The exercise I have down but I don't have the food down.....

Hmmmm